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In this episode, Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim tells me about her path to becoming a trauma survivor coach, what it took to heal from her trauma, and how she has successfully built multiple businesses.
Show Notes
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim is a successful masseuse and entrepreneur who now serves as a trauma survivor coach and intuitive healer.
As a sexual assault and domestic violence survivor, she works with women to help them heal their minds, bodies, and spirits.
In this episode, Ruqayyah tells me about her path to becoming a trauma survivor coach, what it took to heal from her trauma, and how she has successfully built multiple businesses. Follow Ruqayyah on Instagram @ruqayyah_and_co.
References in this episode
More on Khalida
Khalida DuBose is a business mentor specializing in sales strategy. As a previous crowdfunding coach, she supported more than a thousand crowdfunding campaigns and project creators in their quest to bring their dreams, passions, and ideas to the world. Now, she focuses on helping women of color who are early-stage online business owners as they navigate the entrepreneurial journey. For more information on Khalida, visit khalidadubose.com.
Follow Khalida on Instagram @khalida.dubose. You can email her at khalida@blackgirlbusinessbar.com.
The Black Girl Business Bar is produced by Zuri Berry (@ZMCPodcasts). Music by Vincent Tone and Die Hard Productions.
Creators & Guests
What is The Black Girl Business Bar?
The Black Girl Business Bar Podcast is for Black entrepreneurial women who crave practical information to implement in their businesses and careers. They want tips and tactics that work and they want on-the-go mentorship that will make a difference in their businesses, projects, and lives.
Hosted by business coach and crowdfunding expert Khalida DuBose, the Black Girl Business Bar is all about letting Black women know what's possible for them in their entrepreneurial journey.
Khalida DuBose: Hi, welcome to the Black Girl Business Bar podcast. This podcast is for women of color entrepreneurs who crave practical information that they can apply to their businesses and lives. I'm your host, Khalida DuBose, and I started this podcast because I want to help women of color, learn to thrive in their businesses, careers, and lives.
Today, we're talking to Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim, who is a trauma survivor coach and intuitive healer. Ruqayyah has worked with women doing body work for more than a decade, and recently saw the need for coaching of those who have experienced trauma in their lives.
Let's welcome Ruqayyah to the show.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Khalida DuBose: You're welcome. You're welcome. Let me have you tell us a little bit about you.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, sure. So yeah, I have been in intuitive healing and body work for more than 10 years now. And, now I'm like you said, I am a coach. And so I've moved through different, going from being a general life coach all the way through to now being a survivor coach. And it's been just a really amazing journey to be able to help women heal not only their bodies, but now their mind, body, and spirit.
Khalida DuBose: Nice. All right. So tell us before we move too far ahead, tell us exactly what's body work for people out there who don't know.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. So there's different types of bodywork. I've been doing massage over the last 10 years. And so, you know, yoga is considered bodywork, Rolfing it's just, you know, depends on what it really is. But when I say it I'm specifically talking about like massage. Medical massage.
Khalida DuBose: Does that work attract a certain clientele or is that just for everybody is kind of general?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. So I work with clients with chronic pain, mostly. You know, I specialize in head neck and shoulder pain relief. So I see a lot of clients with TMJ, which is the jaw pain, migraines, headaches, you know, really women that work behind a desk all day. That's really who I tend to see. Yeah.
Khalida DuBose: All right. So how did you get into healing, bodywork and then moving now to being a trauma coach survivor? Or trauma survivor coach said that backwards.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, so I fell into bodywork. I like to say that I fell into a massage, cause it really was by accident. I was at an elder's house and she came home from work and she looked really tired. And so I just, you know, sat her in chair and started massaging her shoulders and, you know, discovered that I really had a knack for it.
At that point I had never been to a spa, received a professional massage, but ended up going to school for it and realizing that it was a talent and that it was intuitive. Like really that first week of school, I felt like I didn't know what I was doing, but my teacher was on the table and she's like, you keep going to my, my right shoulder.
And, and I was like, really? I was like, okay, what did I do wrong? How do I fix it? And she's goes, no, no, no. Like my right shoulder has been bothering me. And I was like, oh wow. Really? I didn't even know. You know, that it was, it really turned out to be a gift from God. Something that I wasn't expecting at all.
And then becoming a trauma survivor coach really came from acknowledging and accepting, and me working myself with a trauma informed business coach, and you know discovered that my being a survivor has impacted every area of my life professionally, my relationships, my just work ethic.
Like everything really came down to how I show up as a survivor. And so I decided to help other survivors navigate that and really bring out their best selves and be authentic. Cause I found that as a survivor, I was shrinking and I was hiding in certain aspects of my life and I just thought that that was my personality. Um, I'm an introvert, but really discovering is like, no, like I'm shrinking and hiding because as I went through my trauma or my, the domestic violence that I went through, being hidden was a way for me to be safe. And of course, it's a survival method of trying to be safe. And so, realizing that I don't have to do that anymore because I'm no longer in domestic violence, no longer in those type of environments. And so just learning how to be authentic and show up as my true self in every area of my life.
Khalida DuBose: Yeah, I love that so much. So you, you, did you start doing bodywork because of domestic violence or did that proceed going through domestic violence experiences?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Oh, it's funny at the time. I didn't see the connection there. It definitely happened after my last divorce.
But now looking back. I can see how it was connected, but it was, you know, it was just looking for a job after getting divorced in, and this lady was telling me that I should go to school for massage because I'm really good at it. And you know, that it was really intuitive for me. And so I see the connection now, but at the time I was just following where my gift led me.
Khalida DuBose: Yeah. It's kind of, I don't know what the word is. Serendipitous. I don't know. Maybe that's not even the right term, but you experiencing domestic violence and then you go into a field that is very much about like touch and healing and intuition, you know? So yeah I could, I can see that. And sometimes we just attract to things on a level that's not conscious.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah.
Khalida DuBose: You just kind of subconsciously attract to them.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, yeah. I can definitely see that. I needed the healing and went into human work and just how ironic that is because I was helping to heal clients and then I was healing myself with the process. You know when I really look back on it, you know, doing healing work is also healing for me as well.
And so that's been really great and just giving clients what they need. You know, like, in domestic violence, you're not getting what you need. The person is worried about themselves and not worried about giving to you. And so I kind of over-give or just, you know, really in tune with what my client needs. Especially the work that I do now, my bodywork has really evolved.
I definitely, like I said, is am very intuitive and, and went, got a lot of training to be able to do the work that I do, but the work and how I work with clients now is about listening to the client's body and that we together to get the best results instead of the therapists doing what they want to do or what they think that they should do with the body. If that makes sense.
Khalida DuBose: Right. Yeah.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: yeah,
Khalida DuBose: So you, we talked the other day and you were saying that you started out doing massage and you did that for it. You still do it. You still do it, even though you're a coach, you still do it. And that's been almost 11 years. You said 11 years, this coming January. So talk to me a little bit about building up a business, because you said that you had two locations in Atlanta at one point. So talk to us a little about that.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. Yeah. I opened my massage practice with a fellow massage student, we were classmates together, in Atlanta and, I really liked to think of her as a silent partner just because, you know, we went into it financially 50 50, but she still had like a day job and I decided to work at full time.
And so I did a lot of the hiring and the ordering and, you know, doing a lot of the day-to-day stuff. And so that was great. And then six months then she decided that she wanted to pursue other things. And so I, you know, was able to buy her out and to grow it to a second location, probably about six months later.
Khalida DuBose: Oh, nice.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, it was really great to be able to see clients and to hire other therapists and to create an environment that was really flourishing, not only for the clients, but for the therapist as well and myself, and to have my own hours. And, you know, I'm definitely an entrepreneur at heart and I had a business before that.
So, it was really great to be able to do that. And then, there was an experience in Atlanta, where I actually was sexually assaulted by a therapist. And so I decided to shut my business down and moved back to California, to be closer to family. It's really super important to have that, that support that I needed.
Khalida DuBose: Oh, I am, firstly, thank you so much for sharing that with us.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah.
Khalida DuBose: And second, am so sorry. so sorry that you went through that experience. And I imagine you have two facilities, this horrendous thing happens, and you shut down, but you're still massaging. I mean, you're an entrepreneur at heart. I can hear it. So how did you pick up the pieces and keep going?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. Yeah. I actually took a year off. Um, well I took more than a year off. But that first year, I took two years off, that first year I I was in bed for a year. You know, um, and I, it was very traumatic and I think the thing it's a traumatic event in and of itself, but also it happened the industry that I work in, an industry that I love so much and really, you know, I wasn't getting a massage from him. It really, I was looking to open a third location in a different part of Atlanta and to just basically rent a room from a massage therapist that had several rooms, three rooms, three treatment rooms, and I was just going to rent a room part-time cause there's a lot of my ideal clients in that area.
They didn't want to drive 45 minutes to get a massage. Right. And so, what happened was, it was almost like an interview. I mean, it was my own business and his own business, but really an interview to be able to rent the space. And as he was giving me a tour of his facility, he was showing me the treatment rooms and pinned me down and he raped me.
And so, because it happened in my industry, it really was two different traumas for me. Cause it was like, it was really, I work with women, but it was just really hard to, to go back to massage.
Khalida DuBose: Right.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Because it happened in that environment. So there was definitely just an additional trauma in my mind around that.
And then, that second year I ended up getting a different job in a totally different industry. And then that third year, getting therapy, of course I needed therapy. And so I had got therapy. And then by that third year, I was ready to slowly return to massage. I actually moved back from Southern California to back up to the Northern California and slowly working on friends and family and friends of friends. And just working my way up to working with the general public, doing mobile massage.
But that's really how I got back into it. And then I went back to school to get more training in actual medical massage. So that's how I worked my way back up into bodywork.
Khalida DuBose: Wow. Okay. Man, that, uh, I just, I know hearing a story is different than like. You know, that, that three-year timeline, you know, so Bravo to for
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Thank you.
Khalida DuBose: just being so strong and being a boss and picking yourself up. I just, I can't, I couldn't imagine it, but thank you so much for sharing it.
So the question, the question I was going to ask was, I mean, a big part of what we discuss on this podcast has to do with mindset, you know, the mindset necessary to thrive as a business owner. Is there a trait or a bit of wisdom that you've learned along your journey? I mean, you've been through a lot, so I'm sure there's probably a lot there, but along your journey, that's helped you to kind of shift your mindset and thrive because I understand like therapy and, you know, working through it, but is there something that you kind of latched onto, or you kind of rooted yourself or grounded yourself in that really helped you?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: I knew very early on, even really as a kid that I was destined for greatness. I knew that there was greatness inside of me. And, it's funny cause people ask like, you know, when did you want to be when you were in high school? And I was like, I wanted to save the world. Like, I didn't know how, I didn't know. You know, like people are like, oh, it would be a doctor. I wouldn't do this. I would do that. And I was like, I wanted to save the world.
And really honestly looking on it now, like, I feel like I am. You know, one survivor at a time, one client at a time. I am doing exactly that. I'm saving the world. And so, you know, knowing that I was destined for greatness and that I wasn't gonna let anything break me, I felt like God, there was God made me for a purpose.
It's funny. My life coach told me my first life coach told me that I'm obligated to share my gifts with the world. And just how beautiful is that? Is that one that we have the give and that, you know, God gave it to us and it is our purpose and our obligation to be able to share it with the world and how beautiful and inspiring that is.
And so, that's really what it is. I knew that I was destined for greatness.
Khalida DuBose: And you didn't let go of that. That's that's the most important thing, no matter what happened.
I also find, you know, a beauty in the fact that you knew you were meant to, or you say you wanted to save the world. And I think it's so beautiful and like, whatever we want we can have. And my version of saving the world and your version of saving the world can look different and we can both be saving the world. Right. But the beautiful part of that is, is that in order to learn, to save the world, you have to first save yourself. You know? So it's like you go through this, you know, really tough, tough, tough, tough moment in life. You know, something that we shouldn't not have to deal with, we should not have to go through and still maintain that, hey, but you know what? I know I'm in bed. I know I'm hanging in there, but I still have a job. I'm still going to go save the world. Maybe, you know, it slowed me down a bit, but it doesn't negate what my, what my purpose is. I love that
I've loved that.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: And it's really like, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think that that's part of it. And then the other part of it is, everything, every test. Every experience and every test, every milestone is building me. And everybody, right. I think it's the case for everybody. Is building us into what we are meant to be like the plan that God has for us.
Khalida DuBose: Right.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: You know, I couldn't be as survivor coach without going through the things that I've gone through. It's made me stronger. It's built perseverance. It's definitely built strength. It's been character for me. It's also you know, all of that, all the things it's just stepping stones and pushing me in that right direction.
And there's been things that I've gone through. And at the time, I'm like, why? Like, why did I go through this?
I'm a good person. You know, like, why is God putting me through these tests? And then 20 years later I'm like, oh, God was preparing me for this.
Khalida DuBose: Right.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: me for it. But at the time I had no idea, you know, it was just a test.
Khalida DuBose: Yep. And, and, you know, there's this wisdom and not knowing all your tests, you know, sometimes. I sit and I think back to, you know, just things that I've gone through and I'm like, oh my God, I don't want to go through that again. You know? Or I'll think had I known I was going to go through that, I probably wouldn't have been as bold as brave, you know? And so that's the, the beauty and, you know, just the parts of life that we just don't know until we're faced with them. And then you dig deep because really the strength is there. But if you had like this. You know, kind of foresight to know what was coming. You would probably psych yourself out. Right? We're like masters at psyching ourselves out.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. I
Khalida DuBose: know,
like I
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: thought about that. I was thinking like, if I knew that I was going to be successful on the other side of it, then I would go through it. But being on the other side of it, that's the answer that you want to give your answer of? Like, we probably really was like ourselves out and not want to go through it at all.
Khalida DuBose: Yeah, exactly. Because, you know, knowing you're going to be successful as one thing, but then it's like, well, what if that's we first doesn't come for five years? What? Doesn't come for 10 years? How, how long can I really go through this? Right.
So it was kind of funny because even knowing that you're going to have the success, oftentimes isn't enough. And so just going in blind sometimes is like the best strategy, you know. And this isn't like, you know, our, our strategies that we do in our businesses, but sometimes I get, I see the wisdom, God puts us through things. It's like, this is for me to know. And not you, cause it's going to freak you out.
So let's talk a little bit about the business aspect of you're back to doing massage therapy and you're still working with women in massage. What led you to the decision to decide to be a coach for trauma survivors?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, well, it really starts with deciding to be a coach. So I had hired a life coach and saw tremendous growth. Like my life totally changed. She empowered me to change my own life instead of changing it for me. And realizing that as I was seeing some of my regular massage clients, they're on the table two hours once a week, twice a week, whatever the, the schedule really was.
And we were seeing results in the bodywork, but as soon as I get to their house, you know, we've come really friendly over this time period. And so as soon as I come in, I'm start setting up the massage table. They start telling me about they're stressed out because of work, their new boss, their grown children, their significant other, their health, like whatever it was, and really realizing that they needed more.
There was success and they would run. They would be relaxed and their, their muscles were responding to the bodywork, but then they would go back to their life as people do you're with your body 24 7, and they would get all stressed out again, and then they would need another massage. And it's like, as a therapist, that's really great because clients are, you know, they still need you, but I wanted deeper results for their clients. I want longer lasting results for my clients.
And so I was like, well, how can I help them de-stress their life so that, you know, they get a massage because they want to, but not because they had to, because they were stressed out all over again, every week or every two weeks or whatever it is. Right? And so I decided to become a life coach. And become further niche down into holistic stress management coach that can help them with, you know, figure out what the stressors are and how to get rid of those stressors. And then, like I said, I hired my trauma informed business coach and that discovery session was mind blowing to me. I had hired other coaches before, but like she really held space. And other held space too, but she held space and did something that I had never experienced with another coach, which was informed consent. In the discovery session and form consent, not only for myself, but also for her.
That was something I said, that I had never experienced before. And as a survivor informed consent is super important as you can imagine, right? Like we need to be able to consent for the different areas in our life. And we think about it and take it into consideration probably in ways that someone who hasn't gone through trauma doesn't.
Khalida DuBose: Give us an example of informed consent in case anybody out there listening is kind of confused about that term.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. Yeah, sure. So informed consent in that discovery session was Her saying that, you know, she asked a question and saying, you know, I don't have to answer it if I don't want to. Um, and only answer in the parts that I feel comfortable doing. So she didn't force me to do something that I didn't want to do and gave me the option, um, to be able to interact in the session.
As I wanted to, and as I felt comfortable doing right. Um, and that's really what it was. And then we, you know, she starts the session with doing breath work and tuning into myself, um, you know, breathing deeply into my belly and just, you know, asking questions about that inner child that as a coach, no one else has ever done.
And so being able to, to really look within is, was different, was very different and very powerful in and of itself.
Khalida DuBose: Yeah. So working with this coach helped you to kind of shift your focus over to being a trauma coach. Beautiful, beautiful. So we're going to switch gears just a little bit.
So you've had success in running your own business doing the hiring all of the operation stuff, I would like to know when you got your business up and running, what was the one like sales activity that you did that really helped you to start to draw in clients that made a difference for you?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, you know, being a trauma informed survivor coach, I spoke to myself years ago or five years ago. It's funny because as a coach, or in business, like people say that all the time. Like just talk to yourself three years ago, five years ago. And I didn't really, you know, as a massage therapist, I didn't really get it.
And then as a holistic trust management coach, I didn't really get it even though I had experiences of like being overworked and underpaid and stressed out in the corporate roles or nonprofit for me. So I related to clients, but it was just different, like being a survivor coach. Like I get it, just because it's affected every area of my life and I know how it affects my life and how it affects others.
And so really being able to speak to my clients cause I've been there on a, in a deeper way than the other businesses that I've done or being able to relate to clients, my ideal client and what I was looking for. And so it really, for me, it really is speaking to myself, three to five years ago or three to 10 years ago.
And it's been easy to be able to do so more so than the other businesses that I've done. So I feel like when I'm in full alignment of who I am and my purpose then . Marketing is easy.
Khalida DuBose: All right, so that, that's your tip. It's the marketing. And just knowing that you're talking, knowing exactly who you're talking to, because you're basing her off of your previous. Yeah.
You know, I really agree with that. In fact, it really resonated with me when you said you kept hearing people say it, you know, cause I feel the same exact way.
I kept hearing people say like, just talk to the person that you were. And when I was a crowdfunding coach, it was really hard because I wasn't three to five years ago wanting to launch something. I always said, oh, I want to have this. And I want to launch this. I want to launch, but I never really felt serious about it.
It was just kind of like, you know, the dreams that you have and the things that you talk about when I couldn't fit this one shirt, or I couldn't fit that skirt. And I'd be like, oh, I'm going to come up with my own line. You know, it was never serious. But when I became a business coach, because I always loved business and I had worked in sales and I had done so many different jobs that had to do with hiring and, you know, I felt like, okay, I do know what I'm doing. And people kept saying, find your ideal client, find your ideal client. It just didn't Dawn on me. And then I started talking to myself. I created like a framework for myself that I go through to ask really, really what I call powerful questions so that I can understand what's going on. It just orients me to like, what's going on? Now I use it for everything, you know, now I'm like, oh my God, you mean to tell me I've had all this power? You mean to tell me that it was all right here? And so, yeah, that really resonated with me. When you said everybody, I just didn't get it because it's so intangible.
You're like, what do you mean? And you know, what I think has happening there? I think what's happening, and I found this with myself and when I work with clients on this, what's happening is we have separated our, you know, we kind of live in our heads and we don't live in the rest of us. Right. So I think it's Joe Dispenza who says like the language of the mind or your thoughts in the language of the body or your feelings.
And a lot of times. We pay so much attention to the thoughts they're so loud, that's all we can hear, and we're living up here. So when I went to therapy and I dealt with a trauma therapist as well to deal with some trauma, that was the number one thing that I took away from working with that trauma therapist was that I have been giving up all this precious real estate, which is my entire body. And I've just been living in this tiny little space of my head.
And now when I find myself going to my head, I tell myself, stay in your body. And all of a sudden, all these messengers, i.e. my feelings, come to give me messages. And so when I couldn't even speak to myself three years ago, it's because I'm completely detached.
Right. I hadn't been living in my full self, so I couldn't even remember the things that I did because it was almost like that wasn't me, if that makes sense.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah.
Khalida DuBose: I know that's getting a little bit into the esoteric, but,
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: No, no. I mean, I totally get it. I think when we're not living authentically and we're hiding parts of ours, like I was hiding parts of myself, not on purpose, not to be in genuine, but I definitely was, was hiding parts of myself. And so being a survivor coach it's, this is me, all of me. And. Doing it that way is, is really what's helped with the marketing or helping clients speaking to them and they, you know, they get it, they read my website, they read my copy and they're like, you're speaking directly to me, like get out of my head, you know?
And that's because am them and they are me and I'm on the other side of it and being able to take them through that journey. But yeah, living authentically, I think is the biggest thing that's really helped me.
Khalida DuBose: So maybe I already know the answer to this next question, but if you could go back to your former self 10 years ago, what would be the advice that you give that woman?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. I would say I would have hired a business coach right away. I definitely would've focused on who I want to serve and why I think a lot of entrepreneurs get caught up in processes and setting it up correctly and doing all of that. But they don't even know like, who are your customers and why do you want to serve them? And where do they hang out and focusing on that. And then, like, you can write your contract when you get your first client, like not so much focusing on the tangible, but really focusing on the intangible because that's what's going to make you successful. Right? Like people have contracts all day long that doesn't make them successful.
It's really being able to speak to the client and to what they're thinking and what they really need and having that solutions. I would say focus on the intangibles cause that's really where success is.
Khalida DuBose: You're like two steps ahead of me. Cause I'm like my next question for you was how do you define success now? It's beautiful. It's like, how do you say, how, how do you define success? Cause we all define it differently and I'm in agreement with you so far.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah, yeah. I mean success, like you said, it is so different for every person, every entrepreneur, every business owner. But success for me is living life on my terms and creating my business around the life that I want. I think a lot of times business owners create jobs for themselves.
Right. And so for me, success is about creating. If I only want to work 10 to 15 hours a week, I'm not going to create a job that requires 40, right. And it's not 10 to 15 hours a week in the beginning, of course not. But just if that's the goal that I'm going to create, you know, or if I want to work from anywhere, then I'm going to create that in my business, not get a building and the location that I need to be at or whatever the case may be.
So I think success is creating your business around your life. Instead of creating a job for yourself.
Khalida DuBose: So, what do you think, if I could ask you this question, what do you think it is that women of color need to succeed? Because this podcast is for women of color. That's my audience. And you know, a big part of my mission is to show women what's possible. I've always been about options. So what, what, in your opinion, do we need to succeed or at least a piece of it to take the pressure off?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Right. I'm like, that's a big question.
Khalida DuBose: Like, did you give us the playbook, please?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yes. Right. All of the pieces. Um, you know, I, I've been thinking about, you know, I'm a coach, so in the coaching world, I feel like we need to see more coaches that look like ourselves. That serve us. You know, African-American or, you know, a person of color working with women of color. And I think that that's super important. We talked about that the other day.
I think that we need to have the tools and resources available to be able to be successful. The other thing I think that we really need is that we really need to invest in ourselves. I think sometimes coaches, not coaches, all coaches too, but I think entrepreneurs, you know, we don't, and I'm going to go ahead and say, it may be women
Khalida DuBose: to us straight girl, Give it to us straight.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: That we don't invest in ourselves.
You know, I feel like we're already starting way behind the start line. And, we need more support than a white woman, you know, or others that have manages white privilege or whatever it is in our society. And so, I think that we w we need to invest in ourselves, see the value in ourselves. To be able to invest in ourselves, to be able to get where we wanted to go.
And then also just surround ourselves with those other entrepreneurs that are successful. Like a sisterhood, really. I think that's super important, where we can support each other. And then also, like I'm a firm believer in I don't want to be the smartest person in the room. I like to surround myself with those that have already done what I want to do, so that they can help me avoid pitfalls and, and things like that.
So we have to be open to that advice, but we also have to put ourselves in rooms where we're able to do that. So whether it's, you know, women that look like us, our, our peers, um, are even not. Sometimes it's, it's better sometimes not better, but sometimes there is the opportunity to. Be in a room of white women, right? And to learn what they're doing, because maybe there's things that we don't even know that we're not even aware of. And those opportunities are there as well. So I wouldn't like shut down or not go to a room because there's no one else in that room that looks like me. I'm a learn the game and, and bring it back and apply it and then give it to others as well.
Khalida DuBose: Right, right. No, I, I, I agree. Everything that you said, you know, and just, you know, to reiterate, it's like, Yeah, these are things that for myself, you know, a couple of years into owning my own business is community is really important. But just realizing that the community can come in different forms. So yeah, sometimes I need to invest in myself, actually spend my money to put it back into myself. It's the best money that you'll ever spend for everybody listening.
I think people feel like it's really painful to spend money and I might have a different view on this because I've always really believed in spending on experience versus objects. So hiring a coach wasn't as hard for me. But, you know, I still got mixed up and I think a lot of us do we, even those of us who believe in in investing. We still get mixed up and feeling like I should be smart enough to figure this out. So I think that's a pitfall that a lot of entrepreneurs fall into.
And then, you know, within the communities of color, there's like this crab in a barrel syndrome, like, well, I don't see anybody else around me doing it, so I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to be the one who stands out. And then the complaints come in about like, why you're not successful and why are white women succeeding, or if we're talking about men why are, why is it only the white guy is succeeding or whomever is succeeding that's not you. And it's just, as you said, yes, we are starting at a disadvantage.
Not only from a financial standpoint, but from the fact that we do have so much trauma, right? Because trauma is, it can be crippling. And so it's like you need to get around people who maybe don't have as much trauma. Get around people who can help you so that you can see what's possible. Because I think a lot of times that is what holds us back. Because we're not seeing what's possible for us.
And as you said, the representation has to be there. And if we never get into the rooms, just because it's not who we want to be there, then we can't even learn and become those people. Bring it back to our communities. And so it's like entrepreneurs who are going to be starting 10 years from now, we're going to be the people that they're looking at. You know, we're going to be the people who are, they're like, oh, well, you know, if Ruqayyah can do it, if Khalida can do it, then okay. Then you know, maybe there's a chance for me. And that's a lot of what some of us don't have. You know, so Yeah.
I think you're absolutely right. Investment, community, flexibility, you know.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. And it's interesting. The thing that I noticed, the very first time I consider, I really invested in me, I spent $1,700 on a program of how to market on LinkedIn. And it's like, when I, when I, when I paid the credit card, it was like, I feel like I was paid. Because there was so much power in, like, if I'm willing to hand over $1,700 to learn something, it's like the light bulb went off and I was like, oh, there's people out there that would pay me $1,700.
You know what I mean? Like it was
Khalida DuBose: Yeah.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: concept totally changed. Oh, if I pay somebody $5,000 or $8,000 or whatever it is, like there are customers out there that would pay me that amount to learn what I've learned. And so
Khalida DuBose: Exactly.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: paying it was paying less. It was literally paying myself and I've gained tenfold from that particular program.
Right. And we do have to be careful and do our research and make sure it's the right fit. And if it doesn't feel right intuitively on the discovery call or afterwards, then I'm definitely not going to buy no matter how much it is or how little it is. I think that that's super important. But paying definitely changed my self-concept of what someone would pay me.
Khalida DuBose: Yeah. And I think what, it just comes down to mindset, right. So it's like when I'm on a sales call, I never wanted to say to somebody like, well, if you're not willing to buy with me, why would somebody be willing to buy with you? Because no, it just could be a, you know, they were not jelling or they, maybe they really don't feel like this is the problem that they have and that they want solved.
There could be a number of reasons. And I really believe in respecting people's decisions, when I felt the same way, the first time I started investing in myself was way before I got into entrepreneurship. And I talk about this all the time. Because fitness is really important to me and I would go hire personal trainers.
And my, my camp, my people thought I was crazy. You know, my mom would constantly, you really hired a personal trainer for much.
Anybody knew, you know, even people in the gym, they'd be like, wow, that's crazy. Like I don't know if I could spend that much money on a personal trainer, but then they would see me a couple of weeks later and be like, you're getting so strong.
You're getting so many gains. And I'm like, yep. And, you know, I've been working out for like eight years and I've never gotten in this good, a shape four months later, I'm in better shape. You know, because you're not doing it yourself. You can't see any
of your blind spots. And so when I got into the online space, I did, I still stumbled over, like, I should be able to figure this out because worked for startups because I've worked in sales organizations.
And then I was like, you know what? Well, you can't figure it out. So go hire somebody. And it took me a year to get to that point. But that, once again, it was mindset stuff. It was just a bunch of mindset stuff, a bunch of, you know, unresolved trauma around you know what I should know and et cetera, et cetera.
And then once I kind of dropped all that, I'm like, oh my God. You know, if I could go back to tell myself that I'd be like, this is the playbook, this is how you do it. Like let's fast track all this stuff.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yes. Yes. Like who has time? Like our time is limited, right? We're going to die one day. We don't know when that's going to be. And so I would love to fast track everything. Well, not everything.
A lot of things. I would like to fast track a lot of things and avoid a lot of pitfalls and learn from someone who's already been there.
Like that makes sense. We hire a coaches for everything.
Khalida DuBose: Right, right, right.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: we Hire, you know, we play sports, we hire a coach to work out. We hire a coach. There's just so many things. Teachers are coaches basically. Right? They're teaching us on all of the things. And so, yeah why is it when we come adults we just think we should know things already? Like, no.
Khalida DuBose: Yeah, And you know, this is like out my final point and I'll stop beating it, but you know, it's like, that's me. I'm like, so we have no problem going into severe debt for college degrees. I understand that society sees it a certain way, but that's just because that's how society sees it. Who cares? Like you go to an institution, whether that's Harvard or Colorado State. I know those are different ones, Ivy league ones not, but the bottom line is, is that they're businesses. They're selling you courses. So if we have no problem going into debt for those, for that, we have no problem having somebody teach us who just graduated from college, him or herself, and now they're in a teaching position, but when it comes to okay, hop online and be a coach, we're like, oh no, why would I invest in that? And that it's just comes down to mindset.
You know, as much as I can, I'm going to plug investing in yourself. However that looks for you. If it's massages, if it's coaching, if it's therapy, if it's walking outside, so you're investing time, invest in yourself. You are worth it. You deserve it.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Worth it. Yeah, that's it. You are worth it. Like I was worth at $1,700. I spent on that LinkedIn program. Like I was worth it. I knew I was worth it. And so I that investment in and more important than whatever that money is that you're giving to that individual, that coach, that whoever that program, whatever it is like the value in it is for yourself.
Cause they already know the information they're already doing, whatever it is. They've already learned the lessons or whatever. That's not really gonna change their life.
Um, it really is about yourself and that you are worth it. You're worth it.
Khalida DuBose: Yep. She said it. So on that note, Ruqayyah, tell everybody how they can find you.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. So I am, website is ruqayyahandco.com. I'm on Instagram, under RukayyahAndCo. RuqayyahAndCo. That's really it.
Khalida DuBose: That's all you need to know. And we'll have that in the show notes for you guys. So make sure you head over and check her out. Thank you so much for joining us today. This has been my pleasure and I really appreciate you coming on.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. This was fun, different than I expected, but this is fun.
Khalida DuBose: I hope that's a good difference.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Oh, definitely. Yeah, definitely
Khalida DuBose: I'm just, giving you a hard time.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Got really deep on some things and, you know, I just think that it was good though. I feel good.
Khalida DuBose: You never know how the conversation is going to unfold, right?
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Exactly. Yeah. It wasn't scripted. It's not TV. Yeah. So it feels good.
Khalida DuBose: Beautiful. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing with us. Like sharing with us from a place of vulnerability. I really appreciate it. And I'm sure those out there who have experienced trauma and who are looking for coaching will appreciate it as well.
Ruqayyah Abdul Rahim: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
Khalida DuBose: All right, friends, thank you so much for hanging out and listening to the black girl business bar podcast, and an extra special thank you to Ruqayyah for joining us today and sharing her story and wisdom. If you haven't already, hit that follow or subscribe button so you never miss an episode. If you found today's episode helpful or had any aha moments, I would be honored if you would share that with us by rating and reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts, you're rating a reviews, really help the show to grow and allow it to spread to other women of color who need this podcast.
You can also reach me personally at khalida@blackgirlbusinessbar.com. We're dropping episodes every Tuesday and we can't wait to see you back then.