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Happening in Upland is your weekly rundown of what’s going on around town—local news, community events, public safety updates, new restaurants, development, weather, schools, and the stuff Upland residents actually talk about.
Delivered with humor, honesty, and a very local point of view, this isn’t stiff broadcast news. It’s real, relevant information with personality. If you live in Upland or anywhere nearby in the Inland Empire, this is your weekly shortcut to staying in the loop.
MARK: Welcome back to Happening in Upland. I'm Mark, and as usual, I'm joined by Joleen, who's currently vibrating at a frequency only a person who's spent forty minutes trying to turn left on Euclid can achieve.
JOLEEN: It's a gift, Mark. Honestly, if you aren't ready to drive your car into a ditch by ten in the morning, do you even live in this city? Happy Monday, you absolute dickheads. It's April 20th, 2026, and we're here to talk about why this town is simultaneously the best place on earth and a complete shit-show.
MARK: That's the Upland charm. It's that specific brand of suburban chaos where we pay a premium for the privilege of watching the city council argue about potholes while we dodged a guy on a motorized unicycle. But hey, we've got to love it, or we wouldn't be here, right? If you've got thoughts, complaints, or just want to tell us to go fuck ourselves, email us at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com. We might even read it if we aren't too busy drinking.
JOLEEN: Don't forget to like, subscribe, and comment. It's the only way our corporate overlords know we're still alive. Now, let's talk about the money, because apparently, the city's wallet is looking a lot fatter than the school district's right now. It's the classic Upland flip-flop. The city is bragging about a tiny surplus while the schools are looking for where they hid the spare change under the sofa cushions.
MARK: It's pretty hilarious. The city's latest budget update says they've managed to offset a huge drop in sales tax with some savvy interest income. They're actually projecting a small surplus for the 2026 fiscal year. Meanwhile, the school district is basically holding a garage sale for their souls. They're still hunting for millions in cuts while everyone argues about whether the board meetings feel too campaigny.
JOLEEN: Campaigny is a great word for it. Last week's meeting was basically a performance art piece. One of the board members basically told another to stop using the microphone for their political platform. It's like, look, we just want to know if the music program is getting axed, we don't need your stump speech about the nature of activism. Just tell us if the kids are going to have books next year, you asshole.
MARK: The irony is that while the board is fighting over who gets more airtime, the district is staring down some really harsh realities for the 2026-27 school year. They've been talking about 'fiscal solvency plans' which is just a fancy way of saying 'we're broke as hell.' They're looking at staffing reductions and potentially consolidating programs. It's the usual mess where the people at the top argue and the teachers are the ones wondering if they'll have a job in September.
JOLEEN: And then you've got the crime scene. Upland's finest are still dealing with the fallout of being a vehicle theft hotspot. I saw a report about more fragrance thefts recently too. Who's stealing that much perfume? Are the criminals in Upland just really concerned about smelling like a lavender field while they're breaking into your Honda? It's a weird flex, honestly.
MARK: It's the Inland Empire specialty. If it isn't bolted down, it's gone. If it is bolted down, they'll just steal the bolts too. The police are basically begging people to stop leaving their keys in the car. You'd think that's common sense, but apparently, Upland residents have a lot of trust in their fellow man. It's charmingly naive, or just remarkably stupid. I'm leaning toward the latter.
JOLEEN: Probably both. But hey, if you lose your car, at least you can walk to the New Indian Restaurant on Foothill. That's the actual name, by the way. They didn't even try for a pun or a fancy title. It's just 'New Indian Restaurant.' It's so literal it almost makes me respect them. No bullshit, just curry.
MARK: I've heard the food is actually incredible though. They've got North and South Indian stuff, and people are raving about the homestyle vibe. It's one of those places where you walk in and it doesn't look like much, but then the food hits the table and you realize why you've been eating bland shit your whole life. It's right by the park, so you can eat a massive amount of naan and then go regret your life choices on a bench nearby.
JOLEEN: I'm a sucker for a place that's family-owned and doesn't spend their whole budget on a graphic designer. Just give me the spicy chicken and don't talk to me. It's a nice change of pace from some of the more pretentious spots that have been popping up. We need more places that just focus on the food and not the Instagram aesthetic. Although, I'm sure some bitch will still take a photo of her samosa and tag it like she discovered fire.
MARK: Changing gears to sports, because today is a big one. Upland High's Varsity Baseball team is facing Damien today at 3:15. If you've got nothing better to do than watch teenagers throw a ball around while you yell at a teenager umpire, that's your afternoon. The Highlanders have had a decent run so far this 2026 season, but Damien is always a pain in the ass.
JOLEEN: Damien is the worst. They always show up with that private school energy. And tomorrow, the softball girls are taking on Etiwanda at home. Our softball team has been crushing it lately. They've got that 'don't fuck with us' vibe that I really appreciate. I hope they absolutely steamroll Etiwanda. Those girls play like they've got a point to prove, and honestly, in this town, you usually do.
MARK: It's a busy week for the Baseline League. We've also got a game against Chino Hills on Thursday. If you're a sports parent, I assume your trunk is already full of orange slices and resentment. Just try not to get banned from the stands this week. We know how you get after a couple of bad calls.
JOLEEN: Speaking of things to do, if you're a food truck owner and you haven't turned in your paperwork for the Moonlight and Music series, today is the absolute deadline. April 20th. If you miss it, don't come crying to us when you're excluded from the Magnolia Park festivities this summer. They're looking for vendors for the Thursday night concerts starting in June. It's a great way to sell overpriced tacos to people sitting on lawn chairs.
MARK: I love the summer concerts. It's the only time Upland feels like a real community instead of just a collection of people waiting for the light on Foothill to turn green. Plus, the car show and the food trucks usually distract everyone from the fact that it's ninety degrees outside. But yeah, get those forms in by five today or you're out of luck.
JOLEEN: And for this coming weekend, we've got some weirdly specific options. On Friday, Willing Hostage is playing live at the Hi Brow Lounge. If you want to feel like you're in a dark room with loud music and potentially questionable life choices, that's your spot. And on Saturday, you can head over to Almond Haus for some Mahjong. It's for people who want to learn or play. It's a bit of a leap from a rock show to Mahjong, but that's Upland for you. We've got layers.
MARK: We've also got a Dungeons and Dragons group meeting on Saturday. So if you'd rather pretend to be a wizard than face the reality of your mounting debt, you've got options. And don't forget the 'Shadow Work Workshop' on Sunday. Because nothing says 'weekend fun' like digging into your deepest psychological traumas with a group of strangers.
JOLEEN: I'll pass on the trauma, thanks. I've got enough of that just looking at my weather app. Today is looking mild, around seventy-two degrees, but the forecast for the rest of the week is basically a climb toward misery. We're looking at highs in the low eighties by Friday and Saturday. It's that awkward spring weather where you need a jacket in the morning and a swimming pool by noon.
MARK: It's going to be a clear, breezy week for the most part. Perfect weather for sitting in traffic on Foothill Boulevard while they continue that thirteen million dollar 'rehabilitation' project. The city keeps calling it 'exciting.' I don't think I've ever used the word exciting to describe a lane reduction that adds twenty minutes to my commute, but maybe I'm just not an optimist.
JOLEEN: Optimism is for people who don't live on the west side of town. That project is supposed to go through August, so we've still got months of dodging orange cones and wondering if they're ever actually going to finish the paving. It's all for the Route 66 Centennial, which is apparently more important than my sanity. They're doing water lines, new curbs, the whole shit-show. Just avoid it if you can, but since it's a main artery, you probably can't. Enjoy the dust, dickhead.
MARK: And if you're thinking about moving to avoid the construction, good luck with the real estate market. The median list price in Upland took a tiny dip recently. It was around seven hundred forty-three thousand last month, which is down from last year's highs. But don't get excited. It's still a seller's market because nobody wants to sell their house and trade a three percent mortgage for an eight percent one. It's a stagnant pool of overpriced stucco.
JOLEEN: It's insane. People are still fighting over houses that look like they haven't been updated since 1984. 'Original charm' is just real estate speak for 'this carpet smells like a wet dog and the wiring is a fire hazard.' But hey, if you've got three-quarters of a million dollars sitting around, Upland is waiting to take it from you. At least our schools are 'distinguished,' even if they're broke.
MARK: That's the Upland promise. We'll take your money, make you sit in traffic, and give your kids a great education while the board members bicker over microphone time. It's a beautiful cycle. Honestly, despite all the complaining, it's still better than living in Ontario. Am I right?
JOLEEN: Oh, absolutely. Anything is better than Ontario. We've at least got the mountains and the lemon festival. Speaking of which, that's coming up in June. We'll have more on that as we get closer, but start preparing your liver now. You're going to need it to deal with the crowds and the sugar intake.
MARK: That's it for us today. If you enjoyed the show, or even if you didn't, please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us keep the lights on and the sarcasm flowing. If you've got a story we missed or a restaurant we should check out, hit us up at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com.
JOLEEN: Get out there and enjoy the seventy-degree weather before the sun decides to try and kill us all later this week. Don't leave your car unlocked, don't yell at the high school umpires too loudly, and try not to be an asshole. Or do, whatever. I'm not your mother. We'll see you next time.
MARK: Take it easy, Upland. Stay cynical.