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What happens when someone discovers that medication, structure, and real support can work together? In this conversation, Malcolm shares how Sunnyside Med helped him go from drinking 15–20 drinks a day to a consistent 4–5 — a 75% reduction in just six weeks. He talks openly about grief, shame, emotional patterns, and why previous attempts at change didn’t stick. You’ll hear how naltrexone, community, coaching calls, and daily tracking gave him the tools he’d been missing for years. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of stopping and starting, Malcolm’s story shows what’s possible when biology and behavior are addressed together.
If this story resonates, remember you're not alone. Sunnyside Med is a modern, science-backed program to help you drink less or quit through a personalized combination of medication, coaching, community, and more. Learn more at https://www.joinsunnysidemed.com.
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Listen to Journey to the Sunnyside Podcast: https://bit.ly/4bxCqT3
Subscribe to Sunnyside’s YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3zuoID4
CONNECT WITH SUNNYSIDE:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joinsunnyside/
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- Twitter: https://x.com/joinsunnyside
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@joinsunnyside
ABOUT SUNNYSIDE: Sunnyside is the #1 alcohol moderation app that helps you drink less without any shame, guilt, or pressure to quit. Optimize your alcohol habits to achieve benefits like sleeping better, losing weight, feeling more energy, and saving money. We know that an all-or-nothing approach doesn’t work for everyone, so we focus on helping you set your own goals, celebrate small wins, and build a lasting system of accountability. As a result, 96.7% of our members see a big drop in their drinking after 90 days.
Disclaimer: This podcast is not intended as medical advice, and the views of the guests may not represent the views of Sunnyside. If you’re concerned about your health or alcohol use, please consider seeking advice from a doctor.
If this story resonates, remember you're not alone. Sunnyside Med is a modern, science-backed program to help you drink less or quit through a personalized combination of medication, coaching, community, and more. Learn more at https://www.joinsunnysidemed.com.
--
Listen to Journey to the Sunnyside Podcast: https://bit.ly/4bxCqT3
Subscribe to Sunnyside’s YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3zuoID4
CONNECT WITH SUNNYSIDE:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joinsunnyside/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joinsunnyside/
- Twitter: https://x.com/joinsunnyside
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@joinsunnyside
ABOUT SUNNYSIDE: Sunnyside is the #1 alcohol moderation app that helps you drink less without any shame, guilt, or pressure to quit. Optimize your alcohol habits to achieve benefits like sleeping better, losing weight, feeling more energy, and saving money. We know that an all-or-nothing approach doesn’t work for everyone, so we focus on helping you set your own goals, celebrate small wins, and build a lasting system of accountability. As a result, 96.7% of our members see a big drop in their drinking after 90 days.
Disclaimer: This podcast is not intended as medical advice, and the views of the guests may not represent the views of Sunnyside. If you’re concerned about your health or alcohol use, please consider seeking advice from a doctor.
Creators and Guests
What is Journey to the Sunnyside?
Journey to the Sunnyside is a top 1% podcast, reaching over 500,000 listeners every week. It’s your guide to exploring mindful living with alcohol—whether you're cutting back, moderating, or thinking about quitting.
While Sunnyside helps you reduce your drinking, this podcast goes further, diving into topics like mindful drinking, sober curiosity, moderation, and full sobriety. Through real stories, expert insights, and science-backed strategies, we help you find what actually works for your journey.
Hosted by Mike Hardenbrook, a #1 best-selling author and neuroscience enthusiast, the show is dedicated to helping people transform their relationship with alcohol—without shame, judgment, or rigid rules.
This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the leading platform for mindful drinking. Want to take the next step in your journey? Head over to sunnyside.co for a free 15-day trial.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in our episodes do not necessarily represent those of Sunnyside. We’re committed to sharing diverse perspectives on health and wellness. If you’re concerned about your drinking, please consult a medical professional. Sunnyside, this podcast, and its guests are not necessarily medical providers and the content is not medical advice. We do not endorse drinking in any amount.
Today you'll hear from Malcolm, a Sunnyside Med member who cut his drinking by 75% in just six weeks. He shares what his drinking looked like at its peak, why stopping on his own, never fully stuck, and what changed once he combined medication with structure, coaching, and the daily tools inside Sunnyside. His story is honest, hopeful, and a great example of how addressing both biology and behavior can create real momentum. Momentum. If you've ever felt stuck in the stop and start cycle, I think you'll really connect with this one.
Speaker 2:Okay, Malcolm. Thanks for coming on today.
Speaker 3:My pleasure. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm excited to get into your entire experience using Sunnyside Med. But before we do, let's get to know Malcolm a little bit. Can you introduce yourself and maybe where you live or what life looks like for you these days?
Speaker 3:Oh, awesome. My name Michael McLeod. I am living in Maui, Hawaii. And right now, I'm a caregiver, and I'm also in school to be an intimacy coach and really enjoying having learning new tools for living and just having a nice little island life.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You you know, we got a chance to talk a little bit before I hit record, and, yeah, it must be rough being out there in Maui. And I love hearing also the intimacy coach that you're giving back also. That's such a cool thing to hear.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's been a transformational process for sure. I was thinking a couple of years ago that I would like to take a course for intimacy just for myself to become a better friend, a better partner, get to know myself a little bit better, and also use the things that I've learned in my life to help other people become better partners and, you know, show up more more creatively in my life. And I think that's also one of the reasons that I was drawn to find Naltrexone again and led me to Sunnyside is because being a coach, I want to show up as my best healthy healthiest self. And so I've I I had a lot of success with Naltrexone in the past, but I didn't necessarily have the behavioral tools that I think is what I'm looking for to improve my quality of life.
Speaker 3:And again, that's one of the reasons I'm so excited about Sunnyside is because of the combination of those two things.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, I I can totally relate to that. It the only way you can really show up for others is being able to show up for yourself first because, you know, self care is not self. And so let's let's go back a little bit, rewind to early days. Can you tell us a little bit about, you know, your history with alcohol leading up to when you decided to make a change?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. You know, I was never a drinker in my earlier years. I actually didn't have my first beer till I was 36. And I unfortunately lost my partner and my mother within two months of one another. And so this was just a huge life altering hit.
Speaker 3:And so I didn't know where to turn. And so I started drinking. And I have, you know, I'm Scott Irish, so I can really put it down. I found as I started to drink. And it became sort of numbing agent for me to get through my grieving process over the next few years.
Speaker 3:And then I was able to quit for a little while and just hard nose it, you know? But because my first introduction to alcohol was through pain, if I'd hit a rough patch in life, it kind of triggers me back into that drinking and I don't go really slow. And so, you know, it's always been this back and forth fight of where I would get my willpower and I do good for a while, but, you know, just life would happen. And the only resource that I had to, like, handle traumatic well, with alcohol, it became a resource that I had to handle and numb myself to get through painful times in my life. And so I would say about 2000 '20 2018, I was living in the desert and I was you know, in in a super remote area.
Speaker 3:And during the winter, the whole town shut down because there was a pass through the mountains that would you know, they couldn't get food and supplies through. So you had to, like, prepare for the whole winter. And you know, you could drive a couple of towns over sometimes if the roads were nice and like stock up on alcohol and you know, and so I got to where I was just drinking heavy in the winter because there was nothing, no one to hold me accountable because I was by myself a lot. And I was just like, wake up in the morning, have a glass of wine or have some rum in my coffee and just like, kinda, then the pirate is released once I have one drink and I'm just like, let's have more. There's nothing that can stop us now.
Speaker 3:So, know, this was my pattern back and forth and no one ever knew how bad it could get because I hide well and I put a mask on really well. And so when people see me, you know, I'll just smile and be good. But it got to where in 2018, I was just struggling, man. And I was like, this is, I was drinking so much. And I was just like, I don't, I wish there was something out there that like could like help me.
Speaker 3:And so I just went on YouTube and I Googled how to cure alcoholism and a Ted Talk with Claudia came up. I forget her last name, but it was all about the Sinclair method and naltrexone and how, you know, you take the naltrexone an hour before you drink, and then over a course of three months, it helps to retrain the brain to not rely on alcohol for reward and and pleasure. And so I tried it and had I I was, as we call, a first responder or a fast responder. I had really good results with it. And so within three months, I had it hacked.
Speaker 3:I didn't even think about alcohol anymore. I quit completely. And then I guess for three years I was good. I didn't, I just, I didn't do it, but I, during the pandemic, the stress of everything just started building on me and I had moved to LA right at the, like right before the pandemic started. And so everything was just in a mess.
Speaker 3:And so I started spiraling and getting sad and I was in some rough situations. And so I just willfully started to drink again. And I remember how it took me a while to get that the reward receptors going. So then I finally moved to Maui and quit drinking for a while and started. And I quit drinking start.
Speaker 3:And I drinking and I start. And I don't have health insurance. So I was like, man, I just wish I could get naltrexone again. Like, if I if I could just get on naltrexone again, like, I know how much more reasonable it is to approach the cravings and everything. And so maybe a month and a half ago, I just went on AI and I was like, you know, how can I get Naltrexone without health insurance?
Speaker 3:And Sunnyside was the first thing that popped up. And there were other things that came along, but I was looking at Sunnyside, it was the first thing. And I was like, you know, I'm in school to be an intimacy coach. When you're trying to change your approach to life, you have coaches that give you new tools. And I was like it just, like, exploded in my mind.
Speaker 3:I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I can get naltrexone, but there's this whole app with a whole community, and it's it's it's really a smart decision to approach coaches for anything in life that you wanna become better at. And so I was like, it just like came together in my mind. I was like, I will have so much more success if I have these tools. And then as I started exploring the app, was just I was just I love it.
Speaker 3:I love it. It keeps me involved and focused all the time. And so I I added up how many drinks. To be honest, I was drinking between 15 to 20 drinks a day. I just started in the morning and just like cruise and no one would ever know.
Speaker 3:Now if I had to work, was, I wouldn't do that. But I, as a caregiver, I work two twenty four hour shifts and then I have five days off. And so again, I have all this time on my hand on my hands. And so so, yeah, I I I did it and I I added up that I I spend between 6 to $800 a month on alcohol, which was like, you know, really surprising once I got into the things. And I was like, okay, nine three months at $99 or six months at $99.
Speaker 3:I two months of of of changing my my drinking habits, well, it'll pay for itself. And so I just decided to give it a shot, and I I joined. It's the best thing that's happened to me in in in a long time.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Such such a story, first of all. And, like, I can totally relate to the taking time off, then going back, taking time off, then going back because it's like, there are a few things going on in that period, but a lot of the times, it's almost like the the motivator, which a lot of times pain is a motivator to change, starts to fade. And you forget all that Mhmm. And you sort of remember all the good things.
Speaker 2:Oh, it could be this or that. But it sounds like also for you maybe it was like, once you get started, it's really just, you know, like you said, the pirate. It's off to the pirate life and which means, you know, it's not really stalking. Is that is that was that the initial experience that you felt with naltrexone? I wanna hear about your the full experience once you decided to to do Sunnyside, but I also wanna hear, you know, why you think early days it worked for you and maybe why it fell off for you.
Speaker 3:Well, so I just did it under the under the when I when I did it in 2018, it was the Sinclair method. So the idea is it's a three month, it's a ninety day time period. Right? And so, you know, immediately the first month I got myself down to three drinks a night. And then the second months I was at two.
Speaker 3:And then the first month I was, the last month I was at one. And the idea with it is like, you know, if your goal is to quit drinking, then you just keep naltrexone with you so that if you ever wanna have a drink with some friends, you just pop a naltrexone and it prevents, you know, and wait the hour and then it prevents the brain to have that. And I'm lucky that I don't have any side effects. Like it doesn't give me nausea or anything. So if I go, you know, and I did, I didn't keep taking it after the three months.
Speaker 3:I just had a bottle. And if I wanted to drink, I would do it. But I honestly didn't didn't have that. But when I get sad or something hurts my feeling, the shame overwhelms me. I hadn't had tools to work with shame or my grief and how the two intermingled.
Speaker 3:And so I would be doing great, but then inevitably a rough patch in life would hit me because I kind of, you know, I live a different life. I kind of, I live, I'm an artist. I'm making it day by day check to check, paycheck to paycheck. And so, you know, life, when life hits, sometimes it hits hard. And when that hits me, I'll probably get triggered.
Speaker 3:And the shame, the shame that I hadn't addressed, the pain that I haven't addressed, it all kind of comes back at once. Right? And so since I didn't have tools to help acknowledge what that is and work with it and welcome that shame in and stick with it, which is what I'm learning at intimacy school as well. Oh my gosh, what a a journey that's been. And these are tools that I wasn't as a man raised with.
Speaker 3:You know, I was I was, you know, I was, you know, so the shame goes way back. And so now I'm in in in in in life, I'm learning tools, but with the sunny side, like like just just the the the the writing prompts that come up every once in a while, you know, just even put doing a little paragraph or going through and seeing how other people in the community are. It gives me a sense of of active approaching my life and and and it puts a clarity on it that is like, oh, I'm building myself up for success. I'm not just relying on the Naltrexone. I'm changing and learning to work with the shame or the things that that will trigger my drinking pattern.
Speaker 2:Walk me through this a little bit. So anybody that, you know, is listening that maybe is wondering about, like, what it's like, you decided to come back to naltrexone because you felt like it worked for you. However, it needed a little more structure, and all of a sudden you found Sunny Side and you felt like this might provide the structure and the access to the medicine that worked for me before. What was the experience like? Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Like, from signing up to getting the medication to then maybe receiving the meds in in meeting in groups.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah. So there was a lot of hope, a a a huge sense of relief because I I was feeling, you know, overwhelmed by how much I was drinking because I had I recently got my heart broken. And so, you know, and and it was like, it was different because my heart was broken because I chose myself rather than allowing a toxic pattern to emerge in a relationship with another person. I was just like, no, I'm sorry. I see what this is becoming.
Speaker 3:I gotta go. And people don't always tell you that even when you choose yourself and you leave a relationship, it still hurts just as bad. And so I was like, well, here I am again. I, you know, I gave it I gave I gave it a chance, but that's alright. And I have these new tools to work with.
Speaker 3:And but I just started drinking and and and and, yeah, I wanted to be numb. And so and this was early on in my schooling, so I was just incorporating these new tools. But as I start as I was in school and and everything, I I just I just was still putting them down, like morning to night, waking up in the middle of the night, having, you know, chugging a little wine. So I was, again, getting back to, like, I'm getting further in school and I was like, how how can I show up authentically as a coach and and encourage people to live their best lives if I'm actively destroying mine? And so I I got onto I I went ahead and and signed up.
Speaker 3:Was super excited slash anxious for the first week and, you know, the couple of weeks until my medication arrived because I live in an off grid cabin and there was like, some, some confusion on my end on how to get the medicine delivered to me. Got that worked out. And then, yeah, I sat in for my onboarding with Twyla and just like spoke up and shared my story how I was feeling. And then I got the medicine and sure enough, I went from 15 to 20 drinks down to six drinks a night. And it was just like, oh wow, that's encouraging.
Speaker 3:You know? I I'd like it to be at three, but this is the thing is with Sunnyside, I realized it's not a three month thing. It's a six month to a year thing. And again, two months of me not drinking could pay for that. So what I've done, what this has done is it's it's because I often wanna it I procrastinate because I wanna do things perfectly, and I'm so afraid of not being able to do them perfectly, then I'll procrastinate.
Speaker 3:And I'm I'm recognizing that cycle. So the sunny side being that I don't have to succeed in three months, but I have an ongoing education on getting to know myself and and and and know myself with alcohol and know that I have a path out of this. And I can just kind of relax a little bit and let it take its course. And so right now I'm drinking, now I'm at like four to five drinks a night. And wow, one of the things that I really love about the app is it tracks the money you saved.
Speaker 3:It tracks the calories that that that you that you've you've missed by the amount of drink. And, you know, what what is it? So so the money I've saved, I'm at like 800 and something dollars since I started sunny side that I haven't spent on alcohol. It's like 23,000 calories I haven't consumed. That's wild to me.
Speaker 3:And it keeps me so involved. Like like, I love being able like, the way my mind works, I love being able to see and and and without shame. Okay. That's what I was doing it, but look where I am now. And I wouldn't be here if I didn't have this app, like, clearly.
Speaker 3:And so, like, I'm I'm just sitting in this new feeling of empowerment because, like, I won't call myself an alcoholic because I refuse to to to like I I I'm drinking and I I'm use I'm using alcohol as a means to numb. But like I I believe that I'm what I am is a loving person. I am a good person. I am a person who deserves happiness. I'm not an alcoholic.
Speaker 3:And there is something biological in my brain right now that I've built up my drinking alcohol, but I can address that with naltrexone by using an opiate blocker. And then that puts puts it into a space that's much more effective for me to approach. And it gives me a lot of freaking hope because I don't I don't want I don't I don't want it I don't want to drink. And so the thing that I realized is by staying in naltrexone for the next six to eight months, applying these tools, being as active with Sunnyside as possible, and just, you know, giving it a chance, giving myself a chance. So that's what I did is I feel like when I joined Sunnyside, I gave myself the greatest chance of success of my life, and it's it's saving my life.
Speaker 3:I really believe that.
Speaker 2:Well, just so I can repeat 15 plus drinks down to four or five a night. Incredible. Yep.
Speaker 3:Six weeks, bro.
Speaker 2:And I'm fully, yeah, and I'm fully on board with the other labels that you're fine with giving yourself, a loving person, a good person, somebody that cares. Those are all labels that are self serving. So I think it's just so important to remind yourself of that even if you do have this one thing that you have to take care of. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And and and I'd like to give thanks also for the Zoom calls, you know. So I had the onboarding one, but then we went on to once I got the med, we did the med portal, and that was when Ian and Twila were on the the the thing together. And and I just kinda like that's when I spoke because, like, this part of me releasing shame is I'm not embarrassed. Like, I am a human being and I have a gentle heart and sometimes I don't know what to do. And so I reach for an old numbing agent.
Speaker 3:Right? Or I would reach for an old pattern. And so, you know, like having these things, you know, and and being able to speak with Ian and and like like the reason I I'm actively releasing shame by sharing my story because if it helps one person, good. Blast me because I and because the I so there's a difference one of the things I've learned in school is there's a difference between shame and guilt, and I never knew this. Shame is the the the story that bad things happen to you because you're a bad person, and that's that's shame.
Speaker 3:So that's an integral thing of your character that you are a flawed character. You know? Guilt is one of the best emotions you can have because guilt is a guiding star that leads you towards your authentic self. So being able to separate the two and and even in this process with Sunnyside, you know, okay. Well, if I drink too much, maybe I'll feel guilty, but that's because I know I wanna do better.
Speaker 3:I'm not drinking too much because I'm flawed as a human being. I've I've been hurt, but haven't we all? And so if we can take these common denominators and that's what I'm feeling like I'm experiencing with sunny side and naltrexone is like, even if I am imperfect, I have a path towards my true authenticity through this app and through this medication. And dude, that's like, that's life changing. And that's why I believe in it.
Speaker 3:I I won't I I will tell anybody who will listen to me about this app. I'm not ashamed because I'm gonna get better. And if and if if if if I'm honest, sometimes people are like, dude, you know what? Like, actually, I've been drinking a lot too. And I'm like, woah, check it out.
Speaker 3:Or, you know, you got this or, you know, I I you know, the other night I sat with a man who was very clearly on meth. And and because of of me releasing my shame, I could just sit with him and just, like, encourage him and be like, bro, you know, you're a good person. You're just in a rough spot because that's the same conversation I'm having with myself. And and and it's just like, if you know, like, one of the things that I'm working on this year is I'm trying to learn to give myself the grace that I give others. I'm so quick to forgive anybody.
Speaker 3:I'm so quick to give everybody the benefit of the doubt, but I will beat myself into the ground for the smallest thing. And so I'm just really working on that right It's just like committing to me and my inner child to be like, I got you. Right? Today was not the best, but it also it wasn't the worst. And and because of naltrexone and because of my experience on Sunnyside, I'm down.
Speaker 3:So like, last night, I broke three drinks. Last night was a was a great success for me, you know? And and I'm having these successes and I'm not there's no shame involved. I'll take this success. I'll take in this day and age, I'll take whatever victory I can get.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I love I love this story. I love your openness. I love every part of it because, you know, like you said, you you you were a heavy drinker. Now you're not.
Speaker 2:So if you were to sorta describe in one sentence how you feel about yourself from the progress that you've made to today, how would you describe that?
Speaker 3:I feel like that I'm building my the foundation towards the life I've always wanted, and that's to be successful and to be empowered and to be proud of myself. Like, I'm proud of myself that I that I I took this step and that I that I'm I'm not, again, hiding it. I'm I'm it's my active practice of deshamifying is I because so many people are living with shame around this, man. It's heartbreaking.
Speaker 2:Malcolm, you've got a lot to be proud of.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Mike. You do too.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, I totally agree with you on taking the shame out of it, and it's such a such a an inspiring story, and I'm so glad that you came here to share it with us today. So, you know, I wanna leave us with that. I'm really glad to hear your progress. I'm excited to hear the updates to come.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, I just wanna thank you so much for coming on today.
Speaker 3:Hey. It's my pleasure. So so so wonderful to meet you, And thank you for what y'all are doing at Sunnyside. You're you're saving lives.