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Welcome to The NICU Translated Podcast, where we break down the complex world of the NICU into clear, relatable insights for families and the professionals who support them. Hosted by Mary Farrelly—a certified NICU nurse, doula, and educator—this podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the NICU with confidence and compassion.
Whether you’re a doula looking to better support NICU families, a healthcare professional seeking deeper understanding, or a parent preparing for or living through a NICU journey, you’ll find actionable tips, evidence-based guidance, and heartfelt stories to inspire and empower you.
Each week, we’ll explore topics like:
-NICU 101: Terms, diagnoses, and medical equipment explained.
-Preemie care basics and developmental milestones.
-How to advocate for your NICU baby with confidence.
-Emotional and trauma-informed support for NICU families.
-Insights from NICU professionals and families who’ve been there.
With episodes featuring expert advice, list-style guides, and real-life interviews, The NICU Translated Podcast is here to equip you with the tools and knowledge to make the NICU journey less overwhelming and more empowering.
Subscribe now and join our community dedicated to bringing more joy and less trauma to the NICU experience—because the NICU is only the beginning.
Let’s navigate this journey together.
Mary Farrelly (00:00)
When your family grows in two places, one at home, one in the NICU, everything feels stretched thin. The emotions, the schedules, the guilt, the love, it's all doubled. My guest today, Julia Kramer, knows this feeling deeply. She's the mom of two, founder of Kangaroo Cozies, and spent three months balancing life between the NICU and home. She's sharing the strategies that helps her older child feel connected and cared for during that time, and what she wishes every family in a similar season could know.
Mary Farrelly (01:08)
Hi everybody and welcome back to this week's episode of the NICU Translated Podcast. I'm so excited to have Julia Kramer on today. Welcome, Julia.
Julia (01:17)
Hi, thank you, Mary. I'm so happy to be here.
Mary Farrelly (01:20)
So we're gonna talk all things supporting siblings through the NICU today because they're often, I feel like the lost voices of the NICU journey. We put a lot of emphasis on the baby's experience. We even do a lot of time with the mom, usually the person who gave birth. Dads and partners kind of get like second tier, but a lot of times we don't talk about the siblings and other family members who are going through a really unique journey of their own throughout the NICU journey. So I'm so excited to kind of touch on this.
Julia (01:48)
.
Mary Farrelly (01:48)
today but before we
start if you could share a little bit about who you are and your NICU experience and we love to just know a little bit more about you.
Julia (01:57)
Yes, so my name is Julia and I ⁓ am a mom of two. I have a daughter right now who's four and a son right now who is two. And so I'm two years out of my NICU experience, but the NICU journey never ends, right? So I had my son at 27 weeks. He weighed two pounds when he was born. We spent three months in the NICU.
And it was shocking. It was shocking. was not prepared. I don't think anyone's prepared when they have a NICU baby, but I had my daughter was to term. And so I had her at 39 and five and a pretty healthy birth and pregnancy. And then I had, got pregnant with my son and at 27 weeks,
I just had a OB appointment actually that week and everything was looking good. All of that and at 27 weeks in the middle of the night, I woke up at like 1 a.m. and I'm like feeling like I like wet the bed or something. I'm like, what is this? And then I realize it's blood and I went to the bathroom. We called 911 because it wasn't just a little.
and it turns out my placenta erupted. And so we called 911. My husband ran over to my sister's house and was just knocking on her door to get her to come, because my daughter was asleep in her bed. And we take the ambulance down to the hospital. And they were able to kind of get me the...
Mary Farrelly (03:25)
Oof.
Beta methazone. I saw your hand going. Let's take a shot.
Julia (03:49)
Thank you. So we were able
to get the two doses of the shot, the magnesium, all of that. And then they had to do an emergency C-section about 48 hours later. So I was grateful for those 48 hours.
⁓ but as they were doing my CBC and everything, they were like, you're not, you're not, your body's not even going to be able to claw itself if we don't get this baby out now. And so it was terrifying. we went into the OR. He was born. We didn't know who we were, what we were having even. So we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. And they said, boy, and we're like, my gosh. Except secretly people are, we're hoping it was a girl. Cause girls tend to do better in the NICU, I guess. and so.
His name is Clark and he was 2 pounds 12 ounces and they immediately intubated him and brought him to the NICU. So I didn't see him. I went back to my room and then from there our NICU journey started. I saw him for the first time. They actually wheeled me down to the NICU laying horizontal in my bed.
and I was able to like peek over, all of it so foggy, know, like you don't really, you're just like, what is going on? What's happening? But that's the start of the story, I guess you can say.
Mary Farrelly (05:16)
Yeah, that is an intense one, right? You go, so often it happens that for NICU families that things are fine until they're not, right? It's like everything's going well according to plan. And then all of a sudden, the NICU kind of blindsides you to like a drug team boning you out of nowhere. And now you're in this new chapter and you didn't even have time to process it. that feeling of like almost disassociating as you're going through the first steps.
Julia (05:32)
Yup.
Thanks.
Mary Farrelly (05:43)
and meeting and your body's in recovery and it's just a really intense, overwhelming time to be going through.
Julia (05:50)
It really is. It's very shocking. And, you know, I feel so honored to share my experience about having a child at home and a child in the NICU. Because when I was going through it, I really had no idea what to do. I'm a stay at home mom. And so my daughter Rosie and I are, we're together all the time.
And so it doesn't just change our life. It changes that older child's life too, because everything that they knew and that safety that was provided for them every day is turned upside down. And so as like going through that experience as a mom, you're like, my goodness, my like my oldest is going through this traumatic event. I'm going through my own traumatic event.
My son that just is in the NICU fighting for his life is going through his traumatic event. So my husband and I just, was the hardest three months and I was able to reach out to one of the social workers in the NICU and the child development team, or childcare team, child study team. And they were phenomenal and gave me such great tips that I'm so excited to share with you guys today because I was like, if I had
Mary Farrelly (07:05)
Thanks.
Julia (07:14)
just like some sort of outline of how to help my daughter or what would connect. Because at two years old, whether they're two, six, one, it's still hard for them to grasp. And I feel like some of these tips that I share, I'm happy to pass along because I think it will resonate with everybody in some capacity.
Mary Farrelly (07:33)
Yeah, it's, the journey as a NICU parent is very different if you are a first time parent versus a second, third, fourth time parent. there's, you know, there's kind of pros and cons to both in a way. As a single parent of your first child in the NICU, the con is that you don't know any different. Like you have no confidence in your ability as a parent, because you've never been a parent before. So the only way that you're coming into it is now through this lens of,
the NICU experience, which is just very different. As you know, there's this different autonomy, different level of logistics and all the things. But the other piece is that you can really just hone in on the NICU experience alone because you only have your heart is now outside of your body and your child in a way, but it's in one spot. And then as a parent with multiple children, having one in the NICU, the pro is that you do have some idea of like who you are as a parent
Julia (08:16)
Wow.
Mary Farrelly (08:26)
what that feels like, what your goals and your desires are for showing up for your children. Confidence and maybe some basic infant care things, which is very different with a preemie. But then your heart's in two different places at the same time. And so you're just managing so many different emotions and not only emotions, but the logistics and the practical day-to-day needs. Like life just keeps on lifing even when the NICU is happening.
Julia (08:52)
Absolutely.
I, while I was in the NICU, I was like, I don't know what's worse. Cause I had a learning curve with my first daughter like, and I brought her home fresh from the hospital and I was like, what the heck am I doing? And so I was like, I don't know how to have those, like how first time parents have those feelings on top of NICU feelings. So I did feel, I guess that that was one benefit, but the,
Mary Farrelly (09:04)
Right.
Julia (09:19)
the hard thing is those three months or as long as you're in there, you're heartbroken honestly every day. Like you are heartbroken every day when your child's in the NICU, but this is like a piece of my heart is over there, a piece of my heart is over here. And I honestly feel like I'm coming up short in both areas. Like there's no way to give your all moming into spaces. So that was just so hard for me.
Mary Farrelly (09:47)
I mean, it's hard sometimes to have two children at home even and be like, can't, like if I could cut myself in half and split myself in two places, I would. But then when your children are in two literal physically different locations, it's a whole nother layer. So let's talk a little bit about some of those tips and tricks and tools that you learned from the Child Life Team. Because I did want to do a plug for Child Life. They are an incredible.
Julia (09:51)
Yeah.
it
Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (10:13)
trained resource that many hospitals have to be able to help support older children and especially siblings through a hospital experience or through a medical experience. Not all units have Child Life Team 2. So if you are in the NICU right now and listening to this, you might be like, what is she talking about? What is the Child Life Team? I wish I had one.
but you can still use some of these like tips, tricks, and tools that we're talk about today ⁓ even without their unique guidance and support.
Julia (10:44)
Absolutely, and I think the child life team was actually from the pediatric unit and I reached out to the social worker app or like she's she was just amazing. ⁓ I still keep in touch with her. She's just awesome and She was the one that actually connected me and then the pediatric unit child life came down and then spoke with me about it and so That was amazing. So Yeah
Like you said, I don't know if every NICU has it, because I don't think our NICU had it. And they brought someone from the other floor down to have a little chat with me, because I was like, what am I doing? What do I need to do? Help me.
Mary Farrelly (11:18)
Yeah, because there really, there's no roadmap for this specific scenario. you also, each child is going to be different in their age, as you mentioned before, it's going to allow them to navigate this in a different way, both again, with some benefits to being older versus younger, and then some extra challenges with older versus younger too. So what is like your first takeaway or the first thing that you did after you talked to this team about how you're gonna,
Julia (11:21)
⁓ no.
Mary Farrelly (11:48)
navigate having an older sibling and a baby in the NICU.
Julia (11:51)
So I have a bunch of different ideas that or things that I did but one of the first things was we got these cuddle bears and so they are two bears that are exact teddy bears that are exactly the same and so my daughter had one at home and my son had his in the NICU and when I go to the NICU I take pictures of him
next to his cuddle bear and bring it home and show my daughter, look, Clark is sleeping with his and you have yours. And it was her way of feeling connected to him. So she would hug her cuddle bear and that's her like hugging her brother and that they have this connection without even having met yet because a lot of NICUs don't allow children in them. I don't know how yours is. I guess I'm speaking more in who I've talked to.
So I don't know exactly the rules in every NICU, but my daughter wasn't allowed in the NICU, especially during cold and flu season. He was born in February. So this was a way for them to feel connected. And I feel like it's great for ages even up to like, as long as kids love sleeping with stuffies, I feel like it's just such a comfort item. And seeing your sibling.
that's in the NICU with the bear that only you and the NICU baby have, it makes them feel really special and important. And it helps build that bond without them being physically together.
Mary Farrelly (13:19)
love that. It's almost a lot of Nikias will do scent hearts for families where you have like the one cut out that stays with the baby and it smells like mom or dad or the family or partner and then the other one goes with in the usually on this shirt of whoever's wearing it and they trade. So it's almost like a scent heart but for your sibling. You have that that connection it's almost like that idea of like you know sometimes if I
Julia (13:36)
Yeah!
Mary Farrelly (13:43)
People are feeling lonely and they look up at the moon and they're like, my loved one's looking at the same moon. Like even though we're physically apart, we can share this tangible physical connection point. So I love that.
Julia (13:53)
Yeah, absolutely. And I have an Etsy shop that I do sell those bonding sent hearts. My grandmother hand makes them, which is super cute and fun. So I have those. And then also on my Etsy shop, have different ideas to help siblings or I wrote a NICU journal for moms to help process. So maybe we'll link that so that people can also have those items readily available if you need them.
Mary Farrelly (14:21)
Love that.
Julia (14:22)
So the next thing that was really helpful is, mean, siblings at home, it's hard for them to grasp the days. Cause Nick, you, your baby's home, mom and dad are in and out of the house. And it's hard to know like, is it tomorrow? Like what's, what is time anyways? So a really good tip that the, ⁓ Child Life team gave me was to create a paper ring countdown. And I thought that was awesome, but it was,
almost a mental block for me when I'm like, I don't even know what day he's coming home anyways. But it helped my daughter. And so we did the paper rings and we did it to their due date, to his due date, because that's like the estimated time. And then we could add rings or take them off secretly as time got closer when we had a more like definitive day or definitive week that.
he was coming home, but when you're 60 days out, you can make that paper ring. And every day she got to rip one off. So then it's one day closer. And so she has that visual cue of how many more days and ⁓ can also feel like, another day closer to seeing my brother and ripping off another ring. So I made a template just to share with other NICU moms and dads and caregivers.
Mary Farrelly (15:39)
and let's.
Julia (15:46)
that have a sibling at home that we can link on there too, but you can easily make it yourself also. The one that I made just has pastel colors on it and on each ring that you rip off, it has just an inspirational quote to keep helping you get through. So yes, it's for your child at home, but also it's for you. Like you can make it for yourself. My husband and I, before we did the ring countdown,
We had a calendar going until due date and it just felt so good to just cross it off with a Sharpie. Like it felt so good. So I was like, you don't even have to have a sibling at home to use this NICU countdown. And I wrote, I think it's a 60 day ring, but you can print out more or less. It's all yours once you have the template. And I did a different quote on every single ring. So when your daughter or son's ripping it off, you can look at it and maybe get some,
you know, a feeling that you're not alone.
Mary Farrelly (16:42)
Yeah, those connection points are really what makes the NICU experience feel more joyful and less traumatic or overwhelming. It's like those moments of remembering we're still a family. We've got this. We can do hard things. We're doing it together and there's more to come. Like this is the countdown to this moment. And then there's so many more beautiful moments that we can do together as a family in our own terms. This chapter one, right?
Julia (17:04)
⁓
yes, definitely, definitely. And then the other thing that was really helpful was, and this is probably, this is for like younger siblings. And I felt that it was so tough that it was a revolving door because it takes a village, right? And when you're traveling to and from the NICU, you have
you're in and out of your house, your oldest sibling is home or your other siblings are home. And so my daughter had trouble knowing, she was only, she just turned two. So she wasn't sure like, is dad gonna be home? Is mom gonna be home? Like what's happening? Cause her world got turned upside down. And so my husband and I would always rotate like either he's with Clark in the morning and I'm with Rosie in the morning and then we swap in the afternoon.
And so Rosie would either have dad time in the morning and mom in the afternoon or mom time in the morning and dad time in the afternoon. So the Child Life team told me to make a sign and put a picture of me and Rosie on one side and a picture of Rosie and daddy on the other side. And basically we can turn it back and forth depending on who's home and who's lucky playtime it is.
So that was really helpful for her to get a visual cue of the day and being like, okay, it's Rosie and daddy time. And it was like a celebration, like, I get special time with daddy. And then when I would come back and then my husband would leave to go down to the NICU, we'd turn the sign and then she sees, it's mommy and Rosie time. And so that was just nice that kind of had.
She wasn't constantly wondering or I feel like this would be really helpful if people had like other others involved like a sitter involved that's been helping or a Grandparent or any of that you can have them on that sign or have that interchangeable picture So then the child feels secure safe knowing the plan Because all these emotions like you don't us as adults were like, yeah, I'm here like of course, I'm here
But as a child, it's their world, it's their life. They're looking and they're like, what's next? And so just to see that, okay, this is a plan and everybody's safe, everybody's okay, and this is what you can expect. There's nothing unexpected happening. I think that really brought some calmness.
Mary Farrelly (19:40)
Right, again, those are for your child and for you too, because you're like, okay, there is a plan. We've got this. So it does that kind of rhythm, because especially for longer, think you say as it go beyond a couple days, especially once you start rounding that week mark and know that there's longer more to come, there does tend to become a kind of a rhythm to.
Julia (19:46)
Yes!
Mary Farrelly (20:04)
how you structure your day at the bedside, how you structure your day at home. Sometimes for some families this involves returning to work for one partner or both depending on leave and all the other logistics of life. So I love that visual reminder. And children really just crave, they crave, they don't like the unknown. They only like the unknown if it means I'm getting a present, right? Like that kind of surprise is good. Even so sometimes they're like, no, I just want to know now. So that having...
Julia (20:23)
Yeah. Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (20:31)
meeting them on their terms and sometimes it can feel like one more thing that you have to do as a parent but the payoff is so big. Even just bringing tiny little pieces of visual cues because that's how they are processing their world and their space. You're gonna have a much better experience overall for everybody involved.
Julia (20:43)
Yes.
Exactly, So ⁓ that was really helpful. And then the other little, the other things are little. one of them was like getting new arts and my daughter loves arts and crafts. So if you find something that your daughter or son likes to do, so whether it's arts and crafts or bringing a train set down or any of that, we'd on Saturday mornings, we'd go down as a family to the hospital.
And then I would spend time with Rosie in the Little like lobby area and we'd do a new arts and crafts while my husband was up there or up in the NICU. And then we'd swap. And so I found that really great because then she was able to come with us ⁓ on the drive. I mean, this was once a week, so she wouldn't want to do that every day, but once a week we were able to go down. She had a special thing, activity to do down there.
Mary Farrelly (21:34)
Okay.
Julia (21:45)
And then we would flip-flop and that felt really nice to, it was nice for my husband and I to be together because we were two, we were like two ships passing in the night just to be there for our children, but to be together in this process too, but then make it special for our daughter. like we'd, I'd get some arts and crafts off Amazon or at the dollar store and it would be brand new when she'd walk in and we'd go and do it.
But I know like there are some really fun felt boards that I got. don't know if some of the people listening, if they're children like that, but there's like fun interactive felt boards or train sets or things like that that you can easily bring in with you and make it special. And then it's easy for your husband and you to flip flop in the same building at that point. So that was a really... ⁓
fun thing to do as a family. And ⁓ the last thing was our books. I just find that I got a few books, not just NICU books for my daughter, which we had some of those, which was great. you know, there's a lot out there, are a few good books out there in terms of NICU experience.
But the one book that I also really liked was, and it's a book called, I think it's Invisible String. And basically anywhere you are, you're connected by this invisible string. And I thought that that was a really sweet book because it's not about NICU experienced, because your kids at home are hearing you talk about it all the time. Like they hear you and your husband converse about what's happening. They hear,
Mary Farrelly (23:08)
that.
Julia (23:29)
them talking to their neighbors or who's bringing dinner or their village, you know, everybody's curious about the baby. So they hear a lot of the NICU talk, but these books in terms of the invisible string is more of a connection point of you're connected to your sibling, even if you're not physically together. And that was really wonderful to read at night before bed for her. And I do think it made an impact.
Mary Farrelly (23:55)
I love that you mentioned that they're listening. Sometimes we just assume that they're going about their day because they're sitting over there coloring and you're sitting over here talking to your friend or your partner or whatever, whoever, about the NICU. But you're right, they are listening. They listen to everything.
Julia (24:12)
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (24:13)
and they remember
it and they might not bring it up in the moment, but their little brains are trying to make sense of what we're saying. So acknowledging and giving them space to ask questions and talk about their fears because sometimes they can build up these stories in their head.
especially the slightly older children that have like kind of an understanding or maybe know a little bit about doctors and hospitals, they can build up some really intense narratives in their head and sometimes they just need space to talk about it and ask questions and stories are how children process things. There are a couple other, I have had some really great NICU books, two that I just wanted to mention off the top of my head. One is called Welcome to the NICU Zoo.
Julia (24:54)
I've seen that.
Mary Farrelly (24:55)
it's a board book so it's really good for the little kids who are not ready for like really elaborate pictures. it's like baby animals with medical equipment on them so it it makes it way less scary than sometimes like really more like intense images because not again depending on the age of the kid they might not be ready for that or they might have had their own like doctors are like you know.
Julia (25:05)
We
Mary Farrelly (25:18)
have some things about there. And then there's another one I just talked to another mom, she's gonna be on the podcast later on. She wrote a book called Waiting for Max from the perspective of a NICU sibling. So it is actually a story about a big sister waiting for her baby brother to come home. And it's really beautifully written and has kind of a similar essence and written for the siblings for the for those people. So those are two other ones.
Julia (25:20)
Yes.
⁓ that's.
I love that.
Awesome. I know I wish I like found these when I know waiting for max just came out right
Mary Farrelly (25:50)
Yes, it literally just, I think it actually comes out later this week.
Julia (25:53)
yay,
saw that on Instagram and I was so excited for her. ⁓ I wish I had these for when my daughter ⁓ was going through it, but I didn't. So that's awesome, that's so great.
Mary Farrelly (26:07)
But really any of those books that allow children to talk about their feelings too, like the invisible string, just, some of it is the practical pieces of being in the NICU, but some of it is really just like, I'm having feelings and I need, I don't know the words for them, but they're still in there.
Julia (26:20)
apps.
Mary Farrelly (26:26)
Hi friends, this week's episode is brought to you by Navigating the NICU for Doulas If becoming NICU informed is on your heart for the end of the year, I have exciting news. For the first time ever, NTN is officially available as a fully self-paced course so you can learn the same evidence-based content I used to teach live.
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I'd love to support you inside.
Mary Farrelly (27:21)
while we're talking on this episode, I know it wasn't your lived experience, but some NICUs do allow siblings in, even tinies. So I have worked in a NICU that will allow siblings in really with very little.
limitations And so there are some things just to think through on that from a practical standpoint also that I wanted to touch on depending on who's listening to this episode. So you have a sibling coming in, a lot of the same things are happening in that there's a lot of times they're spending away from you. There's a lot of this...
Julia (27:42)
Yes.
Mary Farrelly (27:51)
ships in the night, who's taking care of me, a really intense sense of waiting. But then there's also the logistics of bringing a small person into a medicalized environment. So a lot of that would come from prep. So I always encourage families before they bring a bigger kid in, regardless of the age, to talk about what they're going to see before they see it, especially with pictures and pointing out on the pictures what each kind of tube does like that's baby.
go with because love him.
Julia (28:20)
Yes.
Mary Farrelly (28:21)
bringing
in an activity in the space that is special because a lot of it there is like a safety component right of like toddlers and especially children like to run around and pull on wires and knock stuff over so keeping babies and it's safe as safe as possible in that environment while still encouraging bonding and one of my favorite things to do I'm sure you experienced this in the NICU is like nurses love crafts NICU craft is getting a sibling involved in the NICU craft whether they can visit or cannot and having them you know decorate a sign or make a picture of the family and then put it
Julia (28:41)
Yes.
Mary Farrelly (28:50)
up in the baby's bed spot and take a picture or take a picture of the to bring home or to have the sibling like near it and be like you are part again of your of your baby brother sister's story you're so important so I love
Julia (28:51)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you say that that was going to be the next thing I was going to say is Rosie would make crafts for Clark and I bring them in and take pictures of him with the craft. The one it's hard with like, like if you have like an 18 month old or a two year old, like what really elaborate thing the best craft I ever did with my daughter. It's so easy, but you draw heart on a paper and then you have them
Mary Farrelly (29:13)
Yeah.
Julia (29:33)
rip pieces of paper and put it on the heart. Like they can just glue it. So it's very developmentally appropriate and they glue it on there and you can do all different colored paper and then on it you write, I love you to pieces. And so I hung that up next to Clark's bed and like Rosie actually felt like she like really made that whole thing because she did. She ripped it, she stuck it on with glue and voila.
you know, instead of, and it was just really sweet and she loved seeing her heart next to her baby, exactly.
Mary Farrelly (30:07)
her baby.
I love that. My pieces. And that is such a developmentally appropriate graph. There's nothing a little one loves more than ripping and destroying things. So handle it in the right way.
Julia (30:18)
Yes, it was great. Yeah,
it was really sweet. It was really sweet. So that's awesome that you mentioned that because that was a really nice thing.
Mary Farrelly (30:30)
So let's talk a little bit now that we have some ideas of how to incorporate the siblings as they're in the NICU. Now let's talk about homecoming a little bit because that is another huge transition, especially since for some little ones like yours, this is, got into a new normal, a new routine of who, mommy and daddy are and this is my new pattern for the day and now baby's home and everything's totally different. So let's talk a little bit about that.
Julia (30:57)
Yes, it is totally different. honestly, it was the best day of my life. The day after actually we brought him home, my husband and I looked at each other, were like, we don't have anything we need to go to today. Cause constantly, I mean, of course all the appointments and everything come up, but in terms of actually like, I'm here, you're there, let's swap at this time. It was like, whoa, our life just like settled down.
in a weird way because of course not actually settled down now that we're full on with both kids, but in that sense, it was the best. So in terms of homecoming, my husband and I both went to go bring my son home. My daughter couldn't join us, which was honestly probably great because I could get all the discharge stuff figured out, like hear everything, not be distracted. My husband's there for extra years too if I like.
or I'm extra years for him, either vice versa. But it's like, we're both there together, knowing what the next plan is. Because there's a lot of anxiety that comes along with bringing a Nikki baby home. And so we were both there, we're a team being confident with it. And then we, and my daughter went to my sister's, so her aunt's house, and we got Clark home, we got him settled. And so I always read that you put them in a,
like you're not holding them, like put them in like a neutral spot. So it's not like competing for mom or dad's attention. And so we just had him laying down in a bassinet in our living room. And I went and picked up my daughter and brought her and she was able to walk in. immediately, I can like cry. I can like go right back to it because it was so emotional. was like everything I ever dreamed of.
⁓ she walks in and she's just like, cl ah ck. And she goes over and then says how cute he is. She's touching his, like, she just was at like admiring him to the fullest. And it was really like love at first sight, but it was wonderful. had Clark have a gift ready for his sister. And then Rosie, ⁓ like a couple of days earlier, picked out a gift for Clark. And so then they exchanged their presents.
So ⁓ I felt like that was really great because then they both were able to find something for their sibling. I learned this when I was pregnant with Clark because you hear about like your friends having babies or online, like you see tips and tricks for welcoming a second or third baby into your life. And so that I think people do even in the hospital if they have a full term baby and are able to bring their baby home. But that was really awesome for Rosie to pick out a gift for Clark and feel it.
feel special, like giving him a present she picked out for him and then was so surprised and excited that Clark got her a present. She couldn't believe it. And so that was really special. So then they exchanged that and we just spent that time at home. that in terms of the homecoming,
That was ⁓ really awesome. And we made a big deal about her being the big sister. That's like the very important role, you know, and being gent- she's a very gentle child. I'm sure if she was a little bit more rough and tough, we'd have to then go around the whole like gentle and how to hold a baby. But her personality just didn't need that much explanation. But we like, you know, we're-
We're safe and all that stuff. So it was great. It was the best day of my life.
Mary Farrelly (34:36)
That's amazing. The NICU Homecoming is just, it's those first 24 hours or even that discharge and especially for babies that have been there a long time and then as a nurse, it's just like, it's so exciting to see that next chapter and really celebrate everyone's accomplishments because it's a big deal to graduate from the NICU. It's an entirely different kind of reality. Like you, as you said, you go back to being autonomous, you back to being just
just a family and doing things on your terms and on your schedule and at your pace. And in the NICU, that's just not the same. So I also love the gift giving. My girls did a little gift exchange too. And I feel like that really helps that the tone is like, this is friend, not foe. Like this is your buddy, not competition. But as the days continued and you formed a new rhythm and a new routine, taking a baby home from the NICU, as you said, it causes a little bit of extra anxiety. They usually come home.
Julia (35:08)
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yes, yes. Yes.
Mary Farrelly (35:34)
with a little, you know, more doctor's appointments, maybe some challenges feeding, sometimes even extra medical equipment. It's just a little bringing home any baby is a shift in schedule. But how did you navigate that those next kind of days, weeks, maybe even months as you built a new rhythm for your family post-NICU?
Julia (35:55)
Definitely.
⁓ It was tough. It was. ⁓ Especially because my husband used his PTO while we were in the NICU. So it's different than when you come home, you have a little bit more support maybe initially from the hospital because maybe your partner has time off, but now that's not the case. So I was full fledged into
mom of two stay at home mom. My husband, my son, he had cardiologist appointments, pediatrician, developmental, everything under the sun. So I felt like, and then he got a helmet. So we had that every other day. So we had tons of appointments, but you know,
It's a good question. almost have a brain fog from it. Yeah. ⁓ but I, I'm trying to think in the, in the waiting areas of all these places, they're very child focused. So my daughter would come with me to everything. And, in the waiting room, she loved all the books, all the toys, all the things. So that felt like, okay, we're a unit. We're doing this together. So she'd come to all his appointments. He'd come to,
Mary Farrelly (36:47)
You just did it, right? We just did it.
Julia (37:12)
her dance class waiting room. And so it was just automatically, we're in this together, we're all being supportive of each other. So that felt good. was wild. I felt a little like, okay, when does life start to happen? Because every day is almost planned out for me with all of these appointments and then sprinkled in with some of my daughter's activities. ⁓
and it felt so busy and then he had PT, OT, speech and so it's constant, constant, constant but it's
but you see the progress happening. And if you keep on those hard days, if you just like think about how far you've come, because every day you don't realize the progress because it feels like one day runs into the next, but it's almost like turning the page of a book. One page doesn't feel like a big impact, but then you look back at all the pages and that's a thick book that already got completed.
So that's what I just kept in mind for myself.
Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (38:23)
on
that. it's so tricky sometimes. it's almost like you're in the weeds right? like I just I was in that season not exactly the same but with with the two little ones that were tiny and had a lot of different emotional logistical needs and scheduling and all the things and it is it sometimes the days feel really long and they are both flying by but going
Julia (38:28)
Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (38:43)
so quickly. Like it's like this like you're in this like time warp almost to certain extent trying to be like what's going on what's what and sometimes I know working with other like families post discharge sometimes the older sibling can feel like when do I get my one-on-one time so I have seen sometimes with families it can be helpful to have similar like you said before like a visual tracker being like this is the time of day you know when
maybe baby sleeping or when dad comes home that is like mommy and me time or this is daddy and you time too. So it can also help you like I'm willing to do all this stuff together and then maybe I do still get these like little slivers of time where it's kind of like those throwback moments to being an only child because sometimes I feel like especially little older siblings like they do kind of remember what it was like to be.
the only person seeking attention and not having a baby also demanding to.
Julia (39:38)
Yeah,
yes. And even just the, it doesn't have to be like the quantity of like hours, but even if like say like when Clark would nap at 20 minutes spurts interval, I know like you want to get a lot of like the housework done or like take a shower or get ready for dinner, but like I would consciously make an effort.
do something special with Rosie, even if it's just 15 minutes, but my undivided attention for those 15 minutes and giving those 15 minutes, you gain so much more on the back end. So that I tried to keep my ⁓ focus on too each day of like, okay, can I can't like you're, running on empty, you're torn in both directions, but it's like, can I find 15 minutes of quality time?
Mary Farrelly (40:31)
Okay.
Julia (40:32)
that can last a while when we're all together constantly.
Mary Farrelly (40:37)
Yeah, I do feel like kids just really crave the quality. They sometimes in their head or at least my older daughter will like claim that it's quantity, but in the core being it does, as you said, it pays dividends to just invest those 15 minutes. It feels good to you as a parent because you're like, okay, I can see you and I can hear you and we can all complete a full sentence talking to each other without having to do with needs and logistics and all the things.
It just feels good for everybody. And then usually they're okay to just be a part of the team and the greater family here and there too. So this, that doesn't just apply to siblings post Nikki or post baby. feel like even as they continue to grow and develop those little pockets again, and don't, we don't have to kick ourselves because they didn't get a three hour playdate with just mommy. means you have 15 minutes of coloring together and you got to talk about their day. And that's, that's really what they're craving. I love that. So.
Julia (41:24)
Yes.
Yes. Yes. And then
they can feel heard.
Mary Farrelly (41:34)
Yes, they just sometimes, yeah, exactly. It's hard because the baby's needs tend to be very loud and very time specific. And so sometimes those older friends just want to be able to have their voice be shared and be valued in the same way too. So I also know that you, in addition to your Etsy shop have also
Julia (41:51)
Absolutely.
Mary Farrelly (41:57)
used your NICU story and figure out ways to give back to the NICU community. That's one of my favorite parts of being in this NICU space is that NICU families are powerful advocates. They always take their journey and their almost their pain and their grief and transmute it into something incredibly beautiful. So tell us about your work that you're doing with the NICU community.
Julia (42:20)
thanks so much. Yeah. It has been so amazing of, ⁓ so I've started, I founded the business called kangaroo cozies. And so the core of my business is, a boutique for, NICU clothing. So preemie, micro preemie and newborn clothing. And it's all bamboo onesies.
And so they're hypoallergenic, they grow with the baby, because all NICU babies are growing at all different rates. And so they're really high quality and then they also are conducive to all the NICU wiring. And so we have some that have little abdominal pockets for G-tubes. We have buttons, we have double zippers, we have three-way zippers so that they can come out of the abdomen, fold over hand and foot cuffs, and are true to size.
So it's been really, really special to do that and to connect with other NICU moms. But the most important thing about my business is that with every purchase of a Kangaroo Cozy, I give back to support NICU babies and their families. And that has been the most powerful thing of all. Like you said, NICU, ⁓
parents or caregivers are like the strongest advocates and like just a powerhouse and it's because we've been deep in the trenches and we know that what it's like and that feeling. So the two organi- I give back to two organizations with every single purchase that is purchased through my shop. One is Madeline's Fund and this is a nonprofit that supports infant and pediatric patients in the NICU and their families.
as well as those who experienced the trauma of infant loss. So they have funded funerals of NICU babies. And it's just so close to my heart. Cause I know like probably a lot of people listening didn't know if their son or daughter would be able to be home with them. And I think I am thankful for that every single day. And I am really passionate about giving back.
to Madeline's fund. And then the second nonprofit that we donate to with every purchase is called Be Mighty. And this is a nonprofit that provides and supports resources to local families here in North Carolina during and after their neonatal intensive care unit journey. so they help
moms on bed rest with their bed rest bundles. They also do grants for NICU babies from zero to 18 years old. So it's for like any medical equipment, any therapy, anything that they possibly need, they grant, they give them a grant every year that you apply. And it's just so powerful. So I feel like Madeline's fund really like,
helps you when you're in the NICU with like supporting you with transportation and things like that. And then be mighty. has been the honestly the single handedly most important thing to my family to have my son be developmentally where he's at right now. I can thank them for that.
Mary Farrelly (45:43)
Wow, I love that you give back to those two very unique but so aligned organizations. There's so many cool and heartfelt groups that are helping to support NICU Families because it is such a...
journey that takes both emotional but also practical and financial support to be able to have the best possible outcomes for babies and their families too. So I also love your products. Bamboo is life in my house. You just get so much more longevity out of the clothes and they just feel different. oftentimes they're...
Julia (46:09)
it's-
Mary Farrelly (46:18)
families want to, one of the biggest milestones in the NICU especially for pre-me's and critically ill infants is when they get to be dressed for the first time.
Julia (46:27)
Yes, it brings
such sense of normalcy. And you're like, you dream about dressing your baby or having a baby that doesn't, isn't connected to all these wires and to be able to dress them with the wires on. It's just like, it's really a special moment. I'll never forget the first outfit I put on my son when they gave me the clear to let him wear clothes. And I was like, ⁓ you're kidding. And it was something that didn't even fit him, but I just love it and I'm keeping it forever.
Mary Farrelly (46:54)
just brings the parenting back to the NICU too. And on that note, if you are a NICU provider listening to this, save that milestone for the families. The most heartbreaking thing that I've ever seen is when a milestone happens and the parents weren't there for it. Like someone picked their.
baby's first outfit out of the laundry and shoved it on them and they didn't get an ESA. So my side plug there is even if, know, save the milestones because you can't, there's so much that is missing in the NICU experience from a parenting perspective. And so the smallest little moments are the ones that really, as you said, they're the most important ones and those are the ones that really stay with the family.
Julia (47:33)
It's so true.
And then the exciting thing is I'm such a small business. I just started this in my dining room a year ago, actually. And we just expanded it into ⁓ mom, mother clothing as well.
So we have like a really, I know that you mentioned this before, but we have skin to skin shirts. And so it's like a breastfeeding top, but really I find a lot of the breastfeeding tops are more like lifting the flap or like the zippers and stuff. And this opens fully. So then you can put the baby on your chest in the NICU and wrap it around the baby once it's on your chest. And it's funny, I had a top from the GAP that I
cannot find any like I have the top but I can't find it online anymore. And that was my inspiration to get this top because I wanted to wear it every single time I was in the NICU because I didn't have to undress when you're in a pod with like people coming in and out. And it was the best because you could fully open it, get the baby on your chest and then fully wrap around and you don't have to undress like you're you stay warm and this is bamboo material and so nice. And then I have ⁓
pajamas, mommy and me matching pajamas that are buttoned down in the front for mom, whether you're pumping, breastfeeding, doing skin to skin, or just have that postpartum sweat. I think about the sweats with that. I think about just how everything's uncomfortable and it's a sunshine one. so it goes with both sexes and it just is really a special piece.
for my shop too. if anybody wants anything, if they use the code NICUBABY212, my son was two pounds, 12 ounces, that's where the 212 comes from, but they don't have to be a NICUBABY, but if anybody wants anything from my shop, use that code and you get 10 % off your purchase.
Mary Farrelly (49:29)
and we'll put all these links. We talked about so many good resources today. We'll make sure that we have links to the different nonprofits, to the different resources, books, products, all the things in the show notes, because I know people are craving resources that are specific to NICU families too, because there's not a whole lot out there and families deserve all these beautiful joyous moments too. So I, it's just incredible that you're again taking your experience and turning it into such light.
that you're sharing with the world. So thank you.
Julia (49:57)
⁓ thank you.
Wanted to contact me at all. They can reach out to me on email or on DMs on Instagram. I'm happy to talk more about my experience. I'm happy to I'm not by any means a medical professional or a professional of any kind. But I'm a mom who was deep in those trenches too. And
It does, like I know I'm two years out, which is nothing and everything at the same time, but I can go back to that moment like it was yesterday and really feel for you. So if anybody wants a listening ear, I'm always here.
Mary Farrelly (50:42)
And let's wrap up today. I've got one more final question for you. for a parent who's maybe in the NICU right now and listening and they're feeling so torn between their baby in the NICU and their child at home, what's one thing that you want them to hear today?
Julia (50:55)
I want them to know that they're doing enough. The fact that they are even feel torn shows that you're doing enough. And they're not alone. And honestly, I'm on the other side and my older daughter, she's not scarred from it. My son is doing great. And so it's just like, you're gonna get through it one day at a time.
Mary Farrelly (51:15)
Thank is only the beginning. It's just chapter one and there's so many incredible other journeys left to come. So thank you so much for joining us today. I can't wait to share everything and we'll talk soon.
Julia (51:24)
Thank you, Erin.
great, thanks for having me. It really was an honor to be on here.