Welcome back to the inspired
living with auto immunity podcast.
I'm your host, Julie Michelson.
Monica Cox joins us in today's episode.
Monica is an infertility warrior and
holistic functional fertility coach.
She's the best selling author of
boost your embryos and the host
of the finding fertility podcast.
Our conversation today is about the
link between autoimmunity and fertility.
Monica knows that the body is a healing
machine and she shares her experience and
wisdom with us from mindset to intuition.
We dive in to explore the powerful
tools to improve your health in
a way that doesn't feel hard.
Monica welcome to the podcast.
Hi, thank you so much for having me.
I'm super excited to be here.
We are thrilled to have you, and this
is, this is such an important topic.
So I'm really excited.
To dive in and I would love to have
listeners learn more about you and
love to find out about your story.
Usually I, I ask, you know, well, how'd
you get to be doing what you're doing.
But even better is, you know, how let's
talk about since we'll be talking about
the connection of fertility struggles
in auto immunity, you know, how did
you find out you had auto immunity?
I think I know the answer
but I would love to hear.
That part of your journey and how
led you to what you're doing now.
Yeah.
So infer.
Be exposed my very, very
silent, autoimmune issue.
I wasn't presenting like a
classic autoimmune person per
se with kind of big issues.
And I am that kind of.
Was a big issue in for
many doctors, right?
Because that's what they're looking for.
They're looking for these big issues.
They're looking for these big markers in
their tests and I didn't have any of it.
I just had the normal and common stuff.
Like I had IBS and I had
like constipation diarrhea.
I had the bloating, the brain fog,
the joint pain The PMs the discharge,
you know, like the common stuff.
And it was the fact that I could not get
pregnant even with the assistance of IVF
that sent me on this path of discovery.
And luckily there was a doctor Dr.
Beard.
He has a book called the
better baby book or no.
Is your body.
That's Dave Asbury's book.
His
I know that
is your body.
Yeah.
yeah, no, that's the wrong book
is your body baby friendly?
And he comes from it with a very
Western approach, but he was talking
about autoimmune issues and blood type
issues and all these like crazy things
like this is impacting fertility.
So that book sent me on the path to
do work with a clinic that was doing
the controversial testing at the time.
I went on a health journey,
be between IVF one and IVF two
and improvements were insane.
You know, like you could not fault me.
I was like almost a picture of
perfect health that we got better
embryos, but I didn't even make
it to day 28 in that cycle.
And then that's when we demanded
the testing, because we actually got
talked out a bit because once again, I
wasn't presenting with normal issues.
I wasn't having reoccurring miscarriages.
I was so unhealthy.
I just couldn't get pregnant.
Like it was bad.
And so that's what led me to find
out that I had high natural killer
cells, which is an autoimmune issue.
stemming from the gut.
And I was just very fortunate that
the paleo mom at the time had a blog.
I mean, it was her raw, original
blog, and I just consumed, like she,
her book wasn't even out yet and I
just consumed like all her material.
And then that's when I found out
that I was highly, highly intolerant
to tomatoes, paprika, like all the
night shades, all the good stuff.
Like, yeah, that's the,
that's the cliff notes.
Wow.
I so amazing.
And, and there's so, so many
pieces of that I wanna touch on.
You know what, you're calling
all the regular stuff.
Shouldn't be regular stuff.
First of all, like IBS is a thing.
Bloating is a problem.
Brain fog is.
You know, serious and you're young, you
shouldn't have joint pain, like all these
things that, that get pushed aside often.
Even when you're begging for answers.
I, I just, you know, but this is why
we're here having this conversation
because you know, like you found paleo
mom I love that you brought up Dave
Asbury's book because he was my entry into
wellness after over a decade of decline.
And, and so.
And the nightshade thing is I remember
asking my rheumatologist, you know,
I heard about, you know, night shades
can be a problem for people with RA.
And I really like, you know,
trusted her and valued her opinion.
And she just totally poo-pooed it.
She was like, that's like one
and 2 million people , you know?
And the interesting thing is, and
I, this is totally an aside and I'm
curious what you see in your work.
I have yet to find anybody who's
night chain sensitive that ISN.
Already diagnosed or doesn't have
at least symptoms of autoimmunity.
Like I, I just, you know, I do food
sensitivity testing with autoimmune
clients and non autoimmune clients.
And, you know, numbers are really
high in the autoimmune world that,
that if not all night shades, at
least some night shades are a problem.
And I just it's like almost nobody
else has nitrate sensitivity.
There's some kind of
interesting overlap there.
Yeah.
You know what?
I was just talking about this at dinner
last night with a friend and she was
just interested in, she's actually
trying to conceive her second child.
So she was.
Brain.
And it obviously has to be within
the genetics of the person, right.
To develop this type of autoimmune issue.
They're genetically prone to it.
But I also believe that for many of us of
a certain age that we just had decades.
Of abuse to our body and we
probably fell off our cliff.
I know I fell off my cliff in my
teens looking back and No, you know,
and you just keep going like a whole
nother decade, you know, before you
start looking into these things and
the body's amazing, like my tagline
is your body's a healing machine.
And if you weren't, you'd
be F and dead, right?
Like your body's amazing to keep
you alive as you beat it up.
So I think, yeah, I think it's like,
There's gotta be something genetic and
with the lectans in, you know, those
nightshades, I think it's just a big
enough issue to just keep pushing us.
Right.
It's that the body or the, you
know, the food's natural defense
to, you know, the little creatures
out there and it just messes us up.
But yeah, I just think it's
like a, a genetic thing.
And then decades of just.
Port management
Yeah.
And to be fair, we're not just,
it's not just night chains.
I'm guessing the only change, you
know, you didn't just stop eating
night chains and all of a sudden
everything was a hundred percent better.
Like you said, it's decades, it's the, you
know, the foods, the stressors, the toxins
that you name it that we all have and
yeah, night shades was the last thing I
took away because it was the, it wasn't.
cuz they're healthy.
pale is like, yeah, they're buzzing.
This word is buzzing.
Right?
Like people kind of know of it,
like, oh, I've heard of that.
Where probably when we were discovering
it, people were like, you are loopy.
You have gone insane.
If you think a tomato is messing you up.
And I was like, well, my
butt tells me different.
So I'm listening to my butt.
Not you
I love that.
And that that's exactly why in
my practice, we do elimination
diets so that we can feel.
What, you know, I, I joke I'm like,
just cuz Julie says, if you have
autoimmunity, you shouldn't eat gluten.
That's not gonna keep you from
eating gluten in three years.
Like that's not happening.
You need to really get to a place
where your inflammation's down enough
to feel, you know, doing proper
reintroductions which body parts are
affected in what ways by what foods.
So I love.
And, you know, I saw this girl, this
young girl on TikTok and she's kind of
like her posts have gone, you know, got
some traction and she's gone autoimmune
paleo because she had some big issues and
she's done it for a month and she looked.
Great.
I'm super excited for her that she's
on this path, but she she's saying
things like wrongly leading people to
believe that it's like this magic diet.
Right.
And she's like, well, when
you go AIP your body detoxes.
And it's like, well, no, your
body's detoxing all the time.
You've just eliminated all
this inflammation, whether
or not you needed it, right.
Whether or not you are intolerant
into electing dairy, like it's
so strict, you have literally,
you know, eliminated all that.
But don't lead people to believe that this
is the magic trick that you do it for a.
It's super easy.
It's gonna change your life.
Like one.
We wanna know if this
is a long term thing for
right.
or if it can be a short term thing
for you, because it's so restrictive.
We don't want people on it for long
term because of your gut microbiome.
You know, we want to introduce
as much as possible back in.
Say it again.
We want you eating the most varied
diet that supports your body period.
And that is I'm so glad you,
you mentioned that it's the, I
think the biggest misconception.
Of AIP is that it's that, you know,
people take that elimination phase
as like a lifetime diet, and that's
not how it's designed and autoimmune.
Paleo is not just about food.
mm-hmm
it's a lifestyle that incorporates all
those other areas I mentioned earlier.
Because many of us are, I feel so
fortunate, especially, you know, the
more people I work with that have,
you know, other underlying issues
where the food alone isn't moving the
needle for them, which is shocking
when you something really restrictive
yes.
And so I.
hundred percent.
Yeah, I feel so grateful that when
I had no idea what I was doing, and
I was experimenting on my own that
I started to get traction with diet,
change enough, to kind of clear the
brain fog so I could learn more and,
you know, led me to where I am now.
And, and so I love that
you said that yeah, it is.
And it's not.
I mentioned I do food sensitivity panels.
I, you know, AIP is a structure.
It's a framework.
It's not this like, oh, follow
these directions and you're healed.
No, it doesn't.
There is no one size fits all.
And like you said, it's a
lifestyle, you know, I've been
doing it for almost 10 years now.
And I have been able to rein do some.
Reintroduce some foods and I'm
still really highly intolerant
at tomatoes and propria.
Those seem to be like the kickers for me.
So yeah.
And, and like you say, you
get to that level of health.
Like, even if it's not
like the peak, right.
But it's like way better
than where you were.
All the inconvenience that AIP is.
Yeah.
like, it doesn't matter anymore.
because once you start letting
yourself slip, because you will, right?
Like you go, you have these peaks
and troughs of your journey.
You're like, you get to the point
where you're like, Nope, not worth it.
That BOLO salsa is not worth it.
Right.
Or even like, for me with
gluten, like I'm not, yeah.
I'm not gluten.
I'm gluten sensitive, but really
I'm gluten sensitive to the
really crappy gluten, right?
Like I can eat a beautiful sourdough,
traditionally fermented loaf and not
feel any issues you give me one slice
of like, whatever, even like some
of the organic breads on the shelf.
And I'm like, not can't do this.
So it's not really necessarily the
gluten it's all the other crap.
That's surrounded in our food system that.
Causing the issues
Absolutely true.
And, and that is the beauty of
that's where it is individualized.
Right?
So for me, gluten is a never,
ever, ever, ever, ever.
Now I don't care who made it, how
traditionally not going there ever again.
Won't happen.
but.
yeah.
I allow myself a couple times a
year, you know, some tomatoes.
And I'm waiting because we have some in
the garden and I'm like one of these days.
But even that it it's
a, like, I feel so good.
I can, I can sneak them in if I have
them once I don't feel anything.
But if I have 'em two days
in a row, I definitely notice
nothing, you know, for Maine like
gluten, but they're, they're not.
Certainly not a staple.
So they're a, they're a rarer, you know,
and I wouldn't even say sometimes they're
a, a special treat is, is tomatoes.
So it is, and that's, that's, I'm all
about empowerment as I know you are.
And that's where the power is
when we know we get to make those
decisions for ourselves, you know?
And like you said, when we're feeling.
So good.
I, I, I say it all the time.
I, for years I've been saying, you
know, I can't believe how well I feel.
And then I look over my shoulder
and I'm like, wow, I feel even
better than I did six months ago.
And I thought I was at the peak.
And, and so that is, that's
the motivator right there.
I don't think of how I eat as restrictive.
I just Don.
You know, and it takes a
while for sure to get there.
And it, sometimes it depends on, you know,
where, where we were in the struggle and
how good, you know, what kind of results.
And that's where sometimes, you
know, if someone's just using food to
heal, you know, that's not the whole.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, mindset is like shoulder
to shoulder with diet, right?
Like if you don't, well, I put it
like this, obviously, if you're not
sticking to your physical commitments,
which is one is diet, right.
It's a physical thing.
You have to get real real with yourself.
And understand why, because taking care
of yourself, like once you have this
knowledge, you know, that a, B and C
will dramatically help you physically.
Why can't you commit to that?
And for most people it's
either self love or self-worth.
And so tapping into that
mental and emotional side of
like, well, where did I lose?
And for all of us, once again, it's
a TA, like it's a very individual
process but you gotta get real, right?
Like I sit across from a friend
who knows that gluten thing does
not serve her, but she like eats
it and then she feels guilty.
And I keep telling her, I was like,
it's your subconscious beliefs?
And you've gotta tap into that stuff.
Because it's just, you're gonna just keep
cycling and then the guilt gets more.
So once you're able to, and
this is the, I personally feel,
this is the hardest part, right?
Diet is kind, I don't wanna
say easy, but like you can
It's a low
get rid of the temptations.
You can like.
Yeah, you can like control your
environment, but at night, during
the day, and you're sat there
with yourself and your thoughts,
no one there to protect you.
Like it's hard.
So it's really, I think one of
the hacks that I wish I would've
had earlier in my life was just
repeating to yourself what you wanna.
So I recently did this with alcohol.
I thought I didn't have a problem.
Like, well, I didn't have a problem.
I come from a line of alcoholics
so I am a functioning.
I was a functioning
alcoholic and obviously
a high
when I was going through infertility.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I didn't.
I thought like, oh, I've
quit for so many years.
I'm not gonna get back into it.
And then like the stress of being
a mom and like all those little
things, it like crept its way back
in and not bad, like, because my
body can't handle that stuff anymore.
So it wasn't, I wasn't going on no
out, but even one or two drinks,
like three or four times a week, like
it was just too much for my body.
And I was feeling the
physical impact of it again.
And I was like, okay.
I'm not gonna put pressure
on myself to stop this.
I know that I don't wanna do this.
I know it doesn't serve me.
So every day that I had a drink,
I went to bed and I told myself
tomorrow, I'm not gonna drink.
I'm not someone who needs
alcohol to enjoy myself to relax.
I'm not a drinker.
And that's all I said to myself,
knowing I was gonna drink the next.
Right.
right.
But I C I was consistent with
that message to my subconscious
mind of who I wanted to be.
And so, even though I wasn't necessarily
physically being that person yet,
I was putting into my subconscious
mind that I was that person.
So March of this year, like
mid-March, I woke up and I was
like, all right, April 1st new moon.
Knew me we're starting this.
And yeah, I haven't had a drink since, and
it's been super easy and it hasn't been,
you know, the temptation is real when
you have a connection to food or drink or
even shopping or, you know, whatever your
vice is, whatever your thing is, but it
doesn't have to be hard to give that up.
You just have to convince
your subconscious mind.
That you're not that person anymore.
And that you're worthy to take care of
yourself that you love yourself enough.
That's a form of love to take care of
yourself, to show up for yourself every.
Yeah.
And, and a congratulations well
done and, and that so beautifully
illustrates the things that it is a hack.
It's a beautiful hack and
it is I it's essential.
It's something that can speed healing up.
You know, you lead the groundwork.
I, you know, when I first learned what
I'm about to say, I was like, oh, but
the body hears every thought we have,
whether it's true or not, and it can take
years to unwind all those stories and
patterns and we all should do that work.
But I say in the meantime,
let's tip the scales.
Let's give it what we want it to hear.
Whether it's true, whether we believe
it, it, it just starts to get our body
ready and our, our subconscious mind
ready to, to be that person to step in.
So whether it's health or advice
even I love that you said it's true.
Everybody thinks they're so
unique that they have these
emotional connections to food.
We all grew up eating like the,
we all like, you know, and
most of it, it's interesting.
I've yet to meet one person.
That's like, oh, but when I
eat that salad, it brings up
the best memories of my mom.
Like, no, that's not.
I don't know why, you know, hopefully
the next generation will, will have that.
Your kids, my kids maybe will have
some, some of those connections.
But we can change those stories.
You know, we don't ha we're not, yes.
We understand that.
And there's ways to recreate those
positive feelings in a way that serves
our body and, and shows ourself love.
True love.
So what a beautiful.
exactly.
But yeah, that's, that's amazing.
And, and I love, I had no
idea we were going there.
And, and this is where, where
I've evolved to is I used to
start everybody with diet, right?
Low hanging fruit.
It's easy.
Every, you know, we all know it
drives inflammation, we've gotta
fix it and we'd get to mindset.
And now I do it the other way, you know,
it's like, no, no, no, let's, let's set
this up for you to get results quicker.
And I, I too feel like
if I had known that hack.
Years ago.
It wouldn't have taken
me so long to, to heal
long.
Yeah.
And I think too, like my journey on
the mental and emotional spiritual woo
woo path is that we've all been set up.
That everything has to be hard.
Right.
Like, it's it, like the healing journey
is hard and like you're gonna struggle.
And I'm really finding these
little hacks of like, and, and
releasing that story as well.
Like, no, this can be easy.
And before I really got into mindset
work during my fertility journey, I
literally, all I changed up was one word.
And I started saying when I get
pregnant, not if I get pregnant.
Yes.
So it doesn't have to be
these long meditations, which
are very helpful and useful.
You know, yoga 20 times a week, you
know, like we kind of start beating
ourselves up that we're not doing all
these things perfectly, but if you,
if you literally just start talking
to yourself in a different tone and
when you catch yourself, You know,
in your head overthinking things or
doubting yourself or any of that, you
just start changing the conversation.
You just catch yourself and just go,
no, we're not having that conversation.
One thing I heard the other day, which
is gonna radically change my life and I'm
gonna share it with you guys, is that.
Right.
It's all about imagination.
So you imagine your life,
the way you want, right.
Your mindset you're being,
the person be, do have.
And when you have doubts,
this is what I say to myself.
Now, there can be no other way.
You've already decided that
that's what you are going to be.
So there's no other.
And then that just dramatically stops that
train of negative thought or like, I can't
do it or it's never gonna happen for me.
It's like, Nope, you've
already created it.
You've already put it out into the future.
There's no other way.
Keep going with the physical commitments
that you need to make it happen.
Well, we're done.
That was just gold.
Everybody should just go out.
Feel now it was, it was beautiful.
And I wanna actually circle all the way
back to cuz I see this all the time.
So I wanna highlight that, you know,
healing doesn't have to be hard.
For me, you know, for you, I'm
guessing what was hard was.
Not being able to conceive that child for
me, what was hard was I didn't think I
would live to see my kids reach adulthood.
Right.
So that, that, stuff's hard.
Like that's actually hard, not this
idea of and, and I think almost all,
probably all of us, not almost all
of us will have people in, in our.
Who mean, well, who are going
to try to put that story on you?
It's so hard.
How do you give up the bread?
How do you not eat tomatoes?
It's so hard.
I'm from New Jersey, best tomatoes
anywhere, you know, like, yeah.
I, I love tomatoes.
It's fine.
I actually love being physically
able to enjoy my life.
Spend time with my adult
children, you know, take care
of my who do the things right.
Live fully.
So I, I love that you, you highlighted
that and that you also said it does,
we don't need to, although yes, it
could be amazing to do 20 hours of
yoga a week or sit and con you know,
meditation and contemplation and, and it.
The, we don't get there that way.
It's those little steps.
Right.
So I love that you were like, change
the one word stop saying if, say
when, like literally that alone,
right there is life changing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it, it, it.
I don't wanna like downplay where
probably most people listening to this
podcast are because we both have walked
through that fire of hell several times.
But just.
Keep that hope.
I know.
There's been a few good books
that I've read about how hope is
the tr driver of change, right?
So if you hold onto that hope of
a better future, better health
getting pregnant, whatever that is,
you will stick to your commitments.
Right?
And if you're at a place where.
You're not even sure it's possible.
That's where you take that gold
Monica gave you, make yourself that
statement I can heal or whatever it
is that you need to believe first.
And, and just start there,
create that reality for yourself.
Because so many of us were
told for so long, we couldn't.
Right.
So.
And, and there, that
message is still out there.
You are gonna get people
thinking that you are crazy loopy
diet doesn't matter mindset.
Doesn't matter.
People are just trying to make money
off of you, like all that stuff.
And this is a big part of my
practice too, is intuition.
I think that we can all
look back at our lives and.
See where we did and we didn't follow
our intuitions and where that led us.
And every time I didn't follow
my intuition, it cost me time,
money, and a lot of heartache.
And it was because, well, I'm not
the expert or they know, or I don't
wanna be judged or any of that.
So I think when people really start
trusting this themselves, especially women
Like your path is going to be unstoppable.
Unstoppable.
I love that.
And, and it's so true.
It's something that, that for
most of us, we need to relearn.
Right.
We need to learn to listen.
We all have intuition.
And, and I, what came up for me when you
were giving the reasons why we don't, we
sometimes don't listen or didn't used to
for there's often there's not logic, like,
you know, like the brain jumps in and
it's like that doesn't make logical sense.
And it's always the right move.
So listen, listen to your gut.
Ha ha.
or like, you're not smart enough
to know that, like for me,
I'm, I'm not medically trained.
I like, I'm a creative, like I love dance
and photography and drawing and stuff.
So when it came time to all this
scientific stuff, I was so outta my depth.
And for a long time, I didn't have
the confidence in myself to know
like, no, this is what's going on.
Don't tell me differently.
I know, but I didn't, I,
I didn't feel I was smart.
You know, like who am
I to know this stuff?
we,
now I'm like,
Yeah.
Especially in our field.
Right.
We're helping people with
wellness and we're not doctors.
And I remember when.
I was going to trademark RA the right way.
And like really actually I think
it was when I was trademarking
inspired living with autoimmunity.
And I, I went to my guy who happens
to be a functional medicine doctor.
And I was like, I don't,
you know, who am I?
Like, I don't know.
Like, and he just looked at
me and he was like, who knows?
RA better than you do.
He's like, I don't, I don't have it.
I never lived it.
Yeah.
I went to medical school.
So what, like, you know, and, and so
we, we all have to do that work to shed.
You know, the, all those story.
Again, those are stories that we
can change and, and get rid of.
And you know, does it push us?
Yes, I, I think I will always
continue to learn, you know, and
I know you're doing the same.
We were talking about it
before we were recording.
Right.
Always learning, always growing.
And people have asked me, what's your,
what is your most effective coaching tool?
It's my intuition.
It's, it's not anything I learned
in any of my training programs.
It, it's not what I've learned
about functional medicine.
It's when a client says something
to me that they, or think they're
saying in passing and I get
goosebumps all over my body.
I'm like, oh no, we need to go there.
This is really important.
And so I would say, you know, there,
isn't also an art, you are an artist,
there's an art to what, what you do.
yeah.
A hundred percent.
For sure.
So for, for people that are listening that
are like, oh, I, you know, I've struggled
with fertility and didn't realize there
was a connection or they're thinking
of getting ready to start a family
and they know they have auto immunity.
What's what's a good start.
Well, if they're here listening
to this, you've already started.
Really we don't fix fertility.
Fertility health coach, especially
when they're taking holistic
and a functional approach.
It's not your lady Brits
that are outta whack, right?
Those things don't run on their own.
We are helping you get down to the
root cause and we wanna know the
root cause of your autoimmune issue.
So obviously with a lot of
immune issues, it is the gut.
We focus a lot on the gut healing, the
gut lining, restoring the gut microbiome.
And then it is like, we've been talking
about the mental and emotional side of
it all, you know, sometimes people with
autoimmune issues Are just devastated
because you're like, I have to live a
certain way for the rest of my life, just
to even maintain a level of health that
so many people take granted for, you know?
So it's really helping them through that.
Obviously, when you are dealing with
fertility issues, it's like, why is it so
easy for my sister, my cousin, the crack
head on the street, you know, like why me?
Mm-hmm yeah.
So it's just really focusing.
On that mental and emotional health.
So you've already started and just keep
going and just get the right support.
I mean, I think that's the key to
anyone's healing that get in a community,
get with a coach that you relate to.
So if you are dealing.
Dealing with fertility issues, hook
up with someone who like myself who
has had fertility issues has done.
IVF has walked the path and learn
the knowledge at the same time.
Right.
If you're dealing with a specific
autoimmune issue, go connect with a
coach that gets that like yourself,
like, you know, the pains, you know, the
struggles that the doctors can't relate.
Right.
They just can even functional medicine
doctors if they haven't walked that path.
And I think that's where the magic lies.
It's this like unseen layer where
the knowledge, the expertise and
the experience meet that gives
the person in the healing phase.
Just that extra support that they
wouldn't get in other places.
I totally agree.
There's a, this just amazing
feeling of being understood.
You know, somebody gets it.
And can guide them is amazing.
I would say I don't usually answer my
own questions but I think step one would
be to check out your amazing podcast.
You know, if you're somebody
who's contemplating starting a
family or you're already there.
I think for sure, check
out finding fertility.
Monica is such an amazing.
Resource and she's got programs
and community again, community
is such a, a part of healing.
Doesn't mean you have to, not everybody
loves group coaching that, that doesn't,
you don't have to do group coaching.
But just, you know, auto
immunity can be lonely.
Any chronic illness can be lonely,
struggling with fertility can be lonely.
And so find your, find your people.
Yeah.
Because I've reached a place
where honesty is the best policy.
I trigger a lot of people who
are holding onto the victim
card and it's not a bad thing.
I'm not judging.
But just know that if you're
following someone and you
keep getting triggered, it's.
A very good place to start looking
at why that is triggering you.
Because a lot of people think like,
well, it's easy for you to say that now.
And it's kind of like, well, I guess it's
easy in this moment, me sitting right
here, but my almost six year journey of
never seeing a positive pregnancy test.
Like really hard and
that's what brought me here.
So I am here to help you, like,
make your journey dramatically less
chaotic than mine, as expensive
as mine, as long as mine was.
And just really connect with someone who
if you're in that place a victimhood,
you know, not necessarily leave it.
You know, get the support that you
need, because sometimes that place
is an important place to reside, but
just have in the back of your head
that like you can either, you know,
you can be a player in the game.
You don't have to sit on
the sideline or sit in that
negative circle of like woes me.
My life is so bad.
Right.
And I don't think anyone listening
to this podcast is there.
So
No.
And I think we, we have moments, right?
We all have moments.
But I'm a straight shooter too.
I already mentioned I'm from New Jersey.
I have no filter.
Yeah.
and I call it like, I see it.
And, and some people get very
comfortable in victimhood and, and,
and that's not where change happens.
So if you actually are looking for
healing improvement, a baby fill in
the blank it's okay to, to visit.
We can all visit . But then you need
to take a step out of that place.
And, and like you said, look inward
and, you know, change one thing,
start with one little simple thing.
And like you said, You know, maybe
change who you're hanging around.
If, if they're encouraging that
there's a Jim RO quote that I love,
you know, and it it's geared toward
more like entrepreneurial business,
but it it's the same for health.
You know, you are the five people
you spend the most time with.
And so you might need to.
Change your community, maybe not all
at once, but find those people to
connect with that are a little bit
further down the path than you, or like
Monica is, or I am maybe a lot further,
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's so important.
Because you can come back, you know, like
having these community areas, you know,
for a lot of people, they, they won't have
anyone in their life that gets it right.
Ever.
and being able to pop into those
communities where you can express and
vent and get the knowledge and get the
empowerment actually helps you survive
those communities that you can't leave.
Right.
Like, I still have family members, like
I got pregnant naturally approved it.
Right.
Like, I've studied
it works.
Like I have the proof and they're like,
no, you know, I just don't think, you
know, I think IVF taught your body how
to get pregnant and I'm like, okay.
Peace be with you.
I, yeah.
Good.
You know?
So just find your tribe for sure.
Yeah.
And like you said, I, I love that
you, you know, it doesn't mean
we're getting, you know, yeah.
It would be amazing.
we, we call that a, you know,
that's a, a social detox.
But we're, you know, we all have
families and communities that
sometimes, you know, we we've gotta
just take some of them with love and.
You know, get that support
and connection elsewhere.
And that's okay.
That's okay.
Well, and then we work on boundaries
in coaching, so it's all perfect.
Yeah.
All the things that we should have
learned in school, basically, I
feel like that's kind of the thing
I think the things we
were innately born with.
yeah,
That were taught out of us.
Right.
Like, think about like
a toddler, a toddler.
If he doesn't like somebody
right.
they don't wanna be, they they're very
clear, like I don't wanna play with him
or her or you, or, you know and then
we're told, oh, that's not play you.
Can't, you know, you can't
respect your own boundaries.
And so, yeah, it's all part of the
healing and learning as adults.
What, what, you know, we knew.
Before,
yeah.
Right.
I love that.
Well, you've given us already so many
amazing tips and places where people
could, could start, but I'm gonna ask
cuz I, you know, listeners know at the
end I always ask and sometimes they
get an additional one or you're gonna
highlight one you've already said, but
what is that one step that listeners can
take starting today to start to improve?
Yeah.
So definitely the mindset is what
we talked talked about before
is probably the number one.
To add on to that.
I would say give yourself grace, right?
I think a lot of us yeah, beat
ourselves up over not being perfect.
And this journey isn't
about being perfect.
It's about being consistent, learning,
growing, stumbling, getting back up.
And if you give yourself grace
to do that, it's just a much.
It's more joyful.
Your journey is just more joyful
instead of this kind of cluster of
like ups and downs and ups and downs.
Like, just look at yourself
as an even plane in some.
Sometimes you have to walk up and
sometimes you have to walk down
and that's just life and just give
yourself grace, because it took you
decades to get here in the first place.
The good news.
It's not gonna take you decades
to reverse it, but it, it will
take solid few years commitment.
Yeah.
And then rearranging your lifestyle
and, and UN unfortunately, I
believe that autoimmune is gonna be
worse than diabetes in the future.
So a lot of people aren't just know
that if you're, if you're doing
this right now, you're an outlier.
You're the, you are the frontier of like
having this knowledge and that in one
way and or another in the future, you are
gonna be able to help someone else out.
Always.
It's the it's, you know, the butterfly
effect, the ripple effect is beautiful.
I was talking to a, a former client.
Who's a friend yesterday.
And she was sharing about her
children and how they eat.
And her youngest, you know, loves to
cook and he loves to cook healthy food.
And, and when we very first started
working together, you know, she
was that mom, like, there's no way
my family's going to eat this way.
Right.
And now, you know, her kids are.
Sharing with their friends and it,
we always, you know, we don't need
to do this for a living to, to be.
I always say that's the joy of, I love
watching my clients heal and improve, but
knowing that they're gonna then pay that
forward and we're impacting families.
And my goal, I'm guessing your
goal is, is generations, right?
We want this to, to be the new normal.
Yeah.
A hundred percent it's yeah, my
tagline, I suppose, is you know, helping
mothers become the conscious mom.
They were, you know, born to be, you
know, raising that consciousness.
Once you get a little bit of
information, you want more.
And then you see, wow, this is potentially
can have a big impact on my future child.
That's not even here and my grandchildren
and, and it's, it's it's a lot to take
on, but it's very, very impactful.
Well, and we're impacting all, all
the future one way or another, right.
So we can do it eating Twinki or we
can do it by really sharing wellness.
And so don't get overwhelmed.
I wanna just touch on.
Your, your tip of grace.
It, and, and I think one thing that
makes it easier for people or not easier
but maybe raises awareness is I always
say, you know, well, the grace, you
extend to everybody else around you.
Like you deserve that.
That's the grace we're talking about.
That's that level.
And, and so, you know, if, if
you're listening and you're like,
I don't even know what that means.
That's okay.
I know we all are toughest on ourselves
and not only does it make it more,
the journey more joyful, but I, I
think actually, you know, shortens
healing time and, and, you know,
speeds are recovery and it it's a it's.
It's the word.
And we didn't rehearse this, but
we clearly share approaches here.
So amazing.
So we, we, all of your links and,
and goodies are gonna be in the
show notes, but for people that
love to listen on the go, and maybe
aren't great at clicking through,
where's the best place to find you.
If they're like, oh my gosh, I need
to, I need to know more about Monica.
Yeah.
So I'm @FindingFertility everywhere,
TikTok, Instagram, Facebook
and my website, my podcast.
So yeah, just pick your guilt.
Pleasure.
And I will be there in a
very authentic, real way.
so get ready, buckle up.
And yeah, just, . Yeah.
It's like no holds bar.
But it just like, we're
here for a good time.
Right.
And not a long time.
And with fertility, you
feel so time poor already.
So the sooner.
You get this information in a direct,
you know, loving way, the sooner you're
gonna be holding your baby, you know, or
the sooner you're gonna feel like, well,
enough to go play with your children.
You know, like I always say to people,
how long do you want your journey to be?
It's your choice?
You get to choose.
Amazing.
Ugh, Monica.
Thank you so much.
You have given us amazing gold today.
Yay.
I'm so excited to, to share and connect.
It was great.
Thank you for everyone listening.
Remember you can get the
show notes and transcripts by
visiting inspired living.show.
I hope you had a great time and
enjoyed this episode as much as I did.
I'll see you next week.
