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In this shiur, Rav Dov Ber Cohen teaches that speech is the fourth pillar of authentic Jewish spirituality, and perhaps the most overlooked. As the bridge between our inner world and outer reality, ho
The Rabbi Dov Ber Cohen Podcast explores Jewish mindfulness, emotional mastery, relationships, and real inner avodah.
In each shiur, Rabbi Dov Ber shares practical Torah wisdom for navigating anxiety, deepening connection, strengthening emunah, and living with greater presence and purpose.
Rooted in Chassidic depth yet grounded in everyday life, these teachings are experiential, honest, and transformative.
If you’re seeking clarity without pressure, growth without guilt, and spirituality that actually changes how you live - this podcast is for you.
So here we go. We're tapping into spiritual, spiritual spirituality, in authentic Jewish spirituality. Authentic Jewish spirituality. And we've spoken really about three paths so far. The first path we spoke about was פרישות, which means detaching from the physical world a little bit, not like Buddhists, but to not be controlled and craving and obsessed. For example, to not be a 14-year-old girl staying up till 2:00 in the morning to watch England play France. A crazy game. But yes, we want to be able to. So we said the balance, which is, watch football, why not, but don't care that much. Don't be like bleh. It's taking away from true spirituality. And don't eat whatever you want all the time. Basically, we said that. So number, pardon? פרישות. פרישות. It really means separation. Self-control, self-restraint. To be פורש, to separate yourself. Although remember, Judaism actually says the whole purpose of life is the opposite of פרישות. There's something called קדושה, which is holiness, which actually means deep intimate connection. However, it is created through פרישות. To create through make, this is we're still talking about number one, which I really didn't want to be, but we are. I'm pulling back in order to create space for authentic intimacy. So the word for marriage, we said, is קידושין, which is the word קדוש, which means I'm separating from all other women and she's separating from all other men, but for the purpose of coming intimately together. I'm separating from craving and needing money for the purpose of actually being able to use my money to uplift the world. I'm separating my craving and needing of food in order to actually say a ברכה on food, a blessing on food and uplift the food. In every area, it's a pulling back in order to create space, this sacred space, but in order to then fill the sacred space. That's קדושה. So פרישות is the first step, is making the space, but really what we want to do is fill the sacred space. So I give the example: Buddhism basically says, let's purify the vessel. Give me a wine glass, a glass, a glass, give me a wine glass. Buddhism is let's polish the wine glass, now it's perfect, but that's it. We say no, now let's put the wine in the wine glass, let's fill the wine, they're all about emptiness. Emptiness and detachment. And then they stay there. In fact, Buddhist tradition says the Buddha sat for 49 days under the bodhi tree in order to reach enlightenment, which is counting the עומר, seven times seven. And then he reached enlightenment, but we say no, there's a 50th day, which is receiving the Torah, it's שבועות. So they don't have that, they don't have the connection. So Judaism is all about connection, all about relationship. But in order to have true, honest, healthy connection and relationship, we have to be separated, we have to be not so craving and needy, because that's not a healthy relationship. So they have that part right? They have half of it very well. So there's books, there's major books, the book that had the most impact on my life was called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. However, it's only half the journey. It's a complete, it's a journey of detachment, getting away from ego, and he does it, Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul. These power amazing books. Only half the journey. That's why I've written a commentary on The Untethered Soul called The Retethered Soul. So yes, you need to untether from your ego, but then you have to retether to your soul, to השם. So they've got half the journey very, very so well, so well. But only half. We got the next part of the journey, which is number two step, which is מצוות. מצוות actually means to connect. That's what a מצווה means. So we said מצוות, they pump up your soul, they tap you into divine reality, you're bringing down an immense flow of divinity into your soul by doing a מצווה. And we said the more consciously and joyfully you do them, the more impact it'll have. שמחה is an integral part of a מצווה. It's not just an extra, a nice little extra bonus. It's actually considered a foundational part of the מצווה. If you're doing a מצווה without שמחה, if you're giving your wife gifts without שמחה, then you're missing the relationship. Then we said number three, pathway number three we spoke about last time was תשובה. תשובה means washing away any spiritual defilement that we may have put on ourselves through our less conscious actions. And we said תשובה is a wonderful, joyful, amazing, happy thing, not a heavy, intense, weird thing. It's a beautiful. opportunity to get clean. We say Yom Kippur is the happiest day of the year because you come out clean. Remember, you can't damage your soul. So nothing you've ever done damages your soul, but you can put stains. Well, they're not stains actually. We believe they can be removed, but you can cover up your soul. So we want to uncover ourselves. Great. So those are the three we've done so far. Number four today is an amazing, amazing, amazing, powerful, powerful, powerful tool of relationship. In fact, it's the number one relationship tool. And you're going to get married one day to a beautiful, amazing, holy Shomer Shabbat, Shomer Taras Mishpacha Jewish woman. Say Amen. Amen. She's going to keep Shabbat, family purity. She's going to be so holy, cover her hair. Say Amen. Amen. The Kedusha, the holiness that shines out of a holy Jewish woman is unbelievable. She's not showing everything. She's not showing there's Chen, there's this spiritual beauty that shines from the face of a woman who dresses a certain way and goes to the Mikvah and says and Davens and just this a whole different world. It's a whole different vibe, just from a sacrifice standpoint you might know nothing about it, you can just see it. So holy. So you actually you've got to be the guy who that holy woman would actually want to marry and be the father of her children. Are you there? You've got to ask yourself, am I that guy? Because I want that girl, but if you want that girl, you'd better be that guy. Now, the number one tool in your relationship is going to be communication. Have you ever heard of this? It's called communication. Communication actually comes from the word commune. Do you know what commune means? To become one. To commune means, or to come together at least, to come together. We're going to live on a commune one day, all of us. It's going to be cool. We're going to be getting up 4:00 in the morning, working out, cold plunge, Davening neitz, all cold. We're going to have our own goats, organic milk products and we're going to have our own. It's going to be this martial arts, organic farming, Chesed doing, power Jew. What do we need to make this happen? Let's make it happen. You guys go, get very rich and then give me all your money. So, by the way, anyone watching this, show me the money. We're going to change the world. So it's going to happen, B'ezras Hashem. So there's something called communication, communication, and it's how you speak. How do you speak to yourself? How do you speak to other people? And really how do you speak to Hashem? How are you speaking? How are you communicating? So we said that the soul actually has three garments of the soul. Do you remember what the three garments of the soul were? Thought, speech and action. Do you know how you remember that? Thought, speech and action? Because it's TSA, thought, speech and action. So in America all the people in the airport wearing their jackets with TSA on them, it means thought, speech and action. That's how you travel through life. And thought is internal. Thought is internal, action is external, speech is what brings the internal into the external. It's how I express myself, my inner world. Speech is very, very important. It's the bridge between the internal and the external. And in fact, speech is really what our sages say sets us apart from the animals. There are a few things. One main thing that sets us apart from animals is Perishut, is the ability to have self-control, to not just feed all our Ta'avos. But another one is really speech. Now, other animals can communicate. Dolphins communicate very well. I heard bees communicate. Yeah, by dancing. I'm going to look into this big time, by the way. I had a student going through trauma from being in the army, very difficult, maybe some suicidal thoughts, and he went to this whole conference on different ways to deal with mental issues. And they had a list of things, best things for mental issues. And they had SSRIs and psychedelics, all different things. Top: dance. It's the number one thing: dance. Dance, baby, dance. Let's dance, pump, pump, go, go. So fine. What do you think about a club in Jerusalem only for men? Yeah, we can do that. Just to dance. Yeah, yeah, awesome. I like it very much. Let's do it. Okay, anyway, so we've got this, so we're called there are four levels of reality or maybe five some people say. Number one is Domem, which means mineral, which actually means... silent. Mineral. Then we have Tzomeach which means vegetable. Growth, means to grow. Then we have Chai which means animal. And then we have humans which the Torah calls Medaber, we're called the speaking ones. Some people say there's a fifth level called Yehudi, Jew. But we'll go with the four for now. We've got these levels. Medaber, in fact, when the soul was breathed into our body, into Adam's body, ויפח באפיו נשמת חיים when the soul was breathed into the nose, Onkelos translates living being as a speaking being. We're the speakers. So how you speak really creates your reality. That's why we say God spoke and the world came into being. What does that mean, there was a big voice, 'Oh let there be light'? Maybe, but it really means that we create reality with how we speak to ourselves, how we speak to other people, and how we speak to God. Very, very important. So we actually say the fundamental foundation of you becoming a Tzaddik is how you speak. What are you speaking about, for a start? What's your subject of conversation? Is it lofty and uplifting and - or are you just speaking about nonsense and game shows? What are you speaking about? And how refined is your speech? Definitely we say, and I've been saying this since I met you, the lowest, lowest thing you could do is roasting people. Now, I know that's very hard in your generation, because that's how you speak to each other. You just - you don't know how to just be nice. God bless you, because it's very hard to be nice because you'll get roasted for being nice. So it's very, very low. So what you - you have to start refining, at least amongst yourselves here, because otherwise, whatever, you're trying to at least be on a higher level, but putting other people down, very, very low. And speaking Lashon Hara is very - it's a terrible - it's forbidden. You're not allowed to eat pig, you're not allowed to speak Lashon Hara. People don't seem to get that. People say, 'Oh God, I'm a religious Jew, I'm a Jew, I don't eat pig', but Lashon Hara, yeah whatever, I'll just throw it out there. Very low way to be. So the first thing you want, because it's how you're presenting yourself, is your speech. Very, very important. So the fourth part of authentic Jewish spirituality is speech, how you speak, how you speak. What about relationships? No, the whole purpose is relationship. The purpose is relationship and these are the parts to true deep relationship. So your thought, speech and action is really hopefully representing your soul in this world. So are you saying things that are bringing spirituality and consciousness into the world and just uplifting people? When you walk into the room, do people already feel a bit excited? They're like, 'Wow, I know he's just going to be positive and nice and friendly and say uplifting things and good things', or you walk in the room and everyone's like, 'Okay, I'm getting ready with my comeback roast. I'm going to have to defend myself. I know he's going to - he's going to say that.' Or even if you're not putting people down, just complaining and moaning a bit. Now that doesn't mean you can't express your emotions. If you're sad, you can express. I'm just saying, are you a general negative, heavy, annoying type person? Or are you a uplifting, light, joyful - what energy you bringing into the world with how you speak? So that's really going to be your first thing. You want to be bringing God consciousness into the world around you. Now, we'll talk about it more in the next part, but how you speaking to yourself, but that's really called thinking. But still, it's important, your thinking is how you're speaking to yourself. Are you putting yourself down? 'Oh, what an idiot, why me, why did I do that, what do people think of me?' As we said in one of our classes, probably about eighty to ninety percent of what most people are thinking isn't useful. It's not making their life better, it's not making the world better, it's not helping very much. So you want to be very, very careful about your inner dialogue. What's your inner dialogue all about? So we'll talk about that more next time. And then we got speaking to Hashem. Tefilla. It's called Tefilla. Now, Tefilla really is not at all what you think it is. People ask me questions like, 'Does Tefilla really work? Does prayer really work?' And it's because most people think that prayer is asking Hashem for stuff. And when they say, 'Does prayer work?', they're asking, 'Do I get what I want when I ask Hashem for it?' But that's not at all what Tefilla is. It's not at all. Imagine your communication with your wife was all about what can I get from her. That's not what it is. That's not how I become one. We said speech, including Tefilla, prayer, is about becoming one, having a union. Great. So if it's all about, 'Give me, give me, give me, what can I get?' and I'm not getting it, so I get really So the word for to pray in Hebrew is lehitpallel. I've actually got a 63-part series playlist on YouTube going through tefillah and the Siddur and what we're doing. It's very, very important. But what sorry what's the title of that? It's called The tefillah Series on my YouTube channel Living in Tune Rabbi Dov Ber. Rabbi Dov Ber Living in Tune channel and go to the playlists, playlists 63 classes. First just talking about tefillah in general because there are two types of tefillah. There's informal prayer, there's informal tefillah which is just talk to God. In fact, the Siddur doesn't really make sense. It doesn't make sense that you tell me what to say and when to say it. How am I meant to have an authentic relationship with someone when you tell me what to say and when to say it and I say the same thing every day? I give you a book, say this to your wife three times a day every day for the rest of your life at certain times. So the tefillah series goes through and shows you how in fact the Siddur is the most powerful consciousness shifting thing ever written. But there's something called informal prayer. Informal prayer, I'll just tell you the very quick difference. Informal prayer is just express yourself spontaneously, whatever's in your heart, just chat to your best friend. God's your best friend. Talk to your best friend and your lover and your therapist and your brother and your dad and your king, just talk to Hashem. So it's just a spontaneous self-expression of what's in your heart which is very, very, very important for connecting to yourself actually in a deeper way and connecting to Hashem. Formal prayer is different in two main ways. Number one is it's not a spontaneous self-expression, it's actually training your consciousness. It's saying this is actually where you want to be holding in your consciousness. So they're completely different games and they're both important. And the other difference is in general formal prayer is a group activity, it's a communal activity. We do it together, tefillah b'tzibur. So we're not really praying for ourselves, we're praying for the Jewish people, we're praying for our friends, we're praying for—so when people say I have more kavana, I have more intention when I pray the Shemoneh Esrei, the Amidah on my own. I don't have—I can't concentrate when I'm in a minyan. I say that's really nice, I hear that, but it's better to pray with other Jews and have less concentration and less intention, this particular type of prayer, the Amidah, than pray on your own because it's a team game. It's a team game. So be part of the team. And then you start learning to let go of the external distractions and just feel like I'm part of the team. And if the rest of the team aren't pulling their weight, instead of getting upset, you do the opposite and you say I'm going to bring everyone else up. I'm going to be that, I'm going to pull this team through. Like Mbappe is just pulling—like Messi. It's not a particularly good team, just got Messi, you know, it's just pulling everyone through. I'll just tell you a side point. My daughter and these French girls, oh my goodness, it's a whole thing. But we were like it's better—it was better to lose to Argentina in the semi-final to set up playing France and beating France than having gone to the final. You see? It's crazy. It's crazy. She's an awesome girl, my daughter. There you go. So the word lehitpallel has three meanings. The first thing you have to know and this I do go through in the tefillah series but just the basics, lehitpallel is reflexive. Lehit- is reflexive. It means it's something you're doing to yourself. So lehitpallel really means three things. It means you are evaluating yourself. Pallel means to evaluate, to judge yourself, which really means am I living up to my values? Do I have the right values? Am I living up to my values? The other thing it means is to connect. To connect to yourself, which I'll show you how that works in a second. Remember yourself is a pure, perfect, shining, loving, joyful soul. And the third thing is to envision, to see a greater you, a greater world, a greater self. That's what lehitpallel means. So we say there are four main parts of tefillah: praise, request, thanks, and chatting. Shevach, bakashah, hodayah, ve'sichah. So let's go through these quickly. Praise. Why does Hashem need me to praise Him? Is He insecure and egotistical? Oh God, You're so great, You're amazing, don't hurt me. No. It's for us. Everything's for us because it's lehitpallel, it's something I'm doing myself. So there are two main powers of praising Hashem. The number one is it taps you into the wonder of creation. Creation's amazing. You're like wow, this is unbelievable, there are trees and Rivers and seas and like the creation itself is mind blowing. So our sages teach that you're actually meant to get a dopamine rush from seeing a tree without taking mushrooms in order to do that. We're so counterfeit dopamine drugged that we actually don't find the world particularly interesting anymore. Now you really are meant to. Those of us who like hiking and go on those beautiful hikes in the desert, we do get that sense of wow. You've had that, we've had moments, you've been on a hike, but day to day we're not living there. But you could just see, look, this. That's crazy, there was a seed and it got put in there and just with a bit of water it turned into that. I don't even know what it is, but it could grow tomatoes maybe even. And then how does a tomato, how do you get a big red tomato coming out of a green leaf? Where was that in the seed, you know? It's mamash crazy. You're meant to be freaking out about life. So praising, praising, praising with a siddur or without a siddur is just tapping you into what life is, actually awesome. Life is awesome. The second thing praise does is tap you into how Hashem's awesome. It's like wow, I give so much power to my boss and to people and sports stars and I idolize people and they're just people. You know what Hashem is? So it brings you to a state of ahava and yira, love and awe. The other thing it really does is we say that your soul is a piece, is an expression of Hashem. So when you're praising Hashem, when you're saying Hashem you're so powerful and awesome and holy and pure, what are you actually also saying? You're saying I'm, that's who I am. Because it's lehitpallel, I'm kind of praising myself. Lehitpallel means I'm praising myself for what I'm really worth being praised for, which is how holy I really am and how pure and loving and kind and giving I am, that's who I really am. So the more you keep saying, it's basically like affirmations. Really, you're just giving yourself real affirmations, this is who I am. Now, you're saying it kind of through Hashem, through you, Hashem is the higher you, but that's what praising is doing. This is, life's amazing, Hashem's amazing, I'm Hashem's kid. When my kids are showing off about me in the playground, like my dad's the greatest, my dad could kick the crap out of your dad. In their case, it's actually true. But they're not saying it for me, I'm not getting anything out of it, they're saying it for them. When Shimshon's in the playground and he says my dad's the man, Shimshon then's like the man. So when I'm saying Hashem, you're the man, I'm like Hashem's kid. My dad is the dude. My dad is the dude. Yeah. And surely we're praising things about God that we don't have as well. There's only very few things about God that we don't have. We're not infinite and we're not all knowing and we're not all powerful, so that is a big difference. But in terms of pure and holy and powerful and kind and compassionate and giving and loving, we are those things. Your soul is a finite expression of Hashem's thing. So yes, there are parts of Hashem that we, there's a whole Gemara that really speaks about five ways that the soul is the same as Hashem and not, maybe we'll learn that together one day. Fine. Request. Does God need you to ask, hi Hashem please, please find me a wife, and Hashem's like, oh yeah, sorry, I didn't think of that. Brilliant, great idea. Please help my friend get better, he's very sick. Please help, oh yeah, wow, I wouldn't have thought of that. So once again it's not for Hashem, it's for us. In a few ways. Firstly is what do I really value in my life? What am I really davening for? I bet if you wrote down a list of 20 things you really want in life and you were honest, at least 10 of them you shouldn't want. You want things that you know you shouldn't want. To be fair, and that's okay. So you wouldn't go to the Kotel and daven for those things. So it's actually your davening is helping you focus what should I really want. What do I? Now the siddur is telling you what you should want. But even within yourself when you're davening to Hashem, just private personal prayer, what are you asking for? What's important to you? This is what I want, this is who I am, this is tapping into my deeper, holier, purer self. I know what my ego wants and I know what my body wants, but what does my soul want? Are you davening I want Hashem, help my character traits. I just want to be a mensch. I want to let go of all my stuff. I just want to be a joyful, happy person. Then we've got thanks. Why does Hashem need us to thank him? Doesn't. We know that So what davening does, what praying does, including especially brachos. Brachos, by the way, we are I'll give you a whole class on brachos, but it's the number one Jewish power spiritual tool we have for two main reasons. The first main reason is that it's easy. What does that mean? Learning Torah's not so easy, praying the whole of Shmoneh Esrei is not so easy, putting on tefillin isn't so easy, just saying ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך העולם בורא פרי העץ. You can do that. It's not overwhelming. The rest of Judaism can be overwhelming. Saying nine words is not overwhelming, you can do it. Secondly, it's consistent throughout the day. All the time. Everything you eat, you have that cup of coffee at work, you have that you go to the bathroom, you're just tapping in, it's microdosing, it's literally microdosing Hashem all through the day. I love brachos. I'm going to give you a whole class on what does baruch mean? Baruch means that you are the source of everything comes from you, it means that I'm bringing down God consciousness into the world. Baruch means many things and then you say the word atah. You're actually saying atah to Hashem. So if you could just say the word atah with kavana, with intention, that will change your life. It's the most important word in the siddur, the word atah, you, because if you could actually say when you when you talk to Hashem, when you say brachos, do you feel like you're actually speaking to Hashem? Is He actually really there? Most people not, even religious people. Baruch atah Hashem. We're kind of saying the words, Baruch atah Hashem. The fact that we don't say God's name, Hashem. I don't say Ado. Makes it so special when I say it. All day I don't I never unless I'm saying a bracha or reading a verse from the Torah, I don't say God's name, which means when I say it it's so awesome. Baruch atah Hashem. Woo! Ado. It's awesome. Elokeinu Melech Ha'olam. Gives you moment of gratitude, a moment of mindfulness, a moment of God consciousness, a moment of humility, a moment of asking permission, a moment of uplifting the food to a more spiritual level, a moment of consciousness, everything, everything. Just for a few words you're getting everything, you're getting the whole purpose of life. It gives you relationship with Hashem. It gives you everything. Brachos are the best thing you got. They're number one thing you got. If you leave here and you're still, I don't know, religious, not, doesn't matter. Tefillin, hit tefillin in the morning and brachos. Or not even every bracha. Ten brachos a day. It will change your life. Ten brachos a day. You're sitting in Timbuktu, where are they sending you? Like, yeah, wherever. You're the only Jew in the like 10,000 kilometers and you're at work and then suddenly you get your tea and you're like and you're saying it out loud, ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. All your coworkers are like what's that? And you're like it's between me and Hashem. It's cool. Although you'll suddenly hear someone will say Amen and you'll be like ah, a Jew. You'll find the other Jew who'll come and say Amen. Then you've been to yeshiva, got them and then they'll be in yeshiva for a while and they'll learn all these amazing things and they'll go back and not do either. But at least they'll do brachos. They'll make their brachos. Just make your brachos. The fourth part is called Sichah. And it's the most important part. The most important part. Sichah just means conversation. So I speak to my wife, I praise my wife, I request things from my wife, and I thank my wife. They're very important. But I also just say I love you. Is I love you praise, request, or thanks? None. Sichah. It's not praise. I love you. Not praising her. You can love someone who's not very good. I don't know. How about this? Goodnight. Praise, request, or thanks? None. It's just Sichah. Goodnight. I love you. I hope you had a nice day. Sichah's charm. Sichah means conversation, but it can mean chatter. It depends. But in general, it means just talk. Do you say good morning Did you say good morning to Hashem today? Not Modeh Ani, not Shema Yisrael. Did you say the words good morning, Hashem? Why not? Why wouldn't you? I think you're very rude. He's keeping your heart beating. Did you say good morning to me? You say good morning to me, so say good morning to Hashem. I know why you don't, because Hashem's not tangible. I'm tangible. Everyone's tangible. When someone's tangible, you say good morning to them. That's fair. So Jewish authentic spirituality says flip the system. Someone being tangible makes you say good morning to them. Flip the system, start saying good morning and that makes Him tangible. How about this? This is the key. I want you to say 50 times a day for the next 10 years, Hashem, I know You're here. That's it. Hashem, I know You're here. Five words. Hashem, I know You're here. You can say that wherever you are. You're on a on a rollercoaster in Disneyland. You can say it. Hashem, I know you're here. You're on, you can walk towards the bathroom, Hashem, I know you're here. When when you're in the bathroom, don't say it. Not speaking to Hashem in the bathroom. But on the way to the bathroom, Hashem, I know you're here. Waiting for the bus, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know... you do that. Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here. I'm going to make maybe some Suno AI tune. Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here, Hashem, I know you're here. So, if you did that, did mamash start, I guarantee you'd mamash start actually feeling that Hashem is actually mamash here. How about even just saying, how's it about just saying, I'm a beautiful, sweet, shining, holy, radiant being of divine light. Say that ten times a day. I'm a beautiful, sweet, shining, holy, radiant being of divine light. I'm a beautiful, holy, shining, perfect, pure, loving, joyful, radiant being of divine light. I'm a perfect, beautiful... just say that, hit it. You've just been saying to yourself for ten years, I'm such an idiot, what's wrong with me? How about changing that for I'm a beautiful, sweet, shining, holy being of divine light. I'm a beautiful, sweet... speech is very important. What are you drilling into your consciousness? If you're drilling that you're a soul into your mind, and into your heart, and into your soul, you start feeling like a soul. And then when you say I'm a beautiful, sweet, shining being of divine light and someone comes up and insults you, you don't have to fight them. You're just like, it just goes right over you. You're not there. In fact, if someone comes up and insults you, like roasts you, you just look at them and say, but I'm a beautiful, sweet, shining, holy being of divine light. And they'll think you're psychotic, they'll leave you alone. And then you'll say to them, by the way, you're also a beautiful, sweet, shining being of divine light. But don't do it in a passive-aggressive way. I'm beautifully... very, very important how you speak to yourself. Praise, request, thanks, sichas. Sichas is the most important. Just start talking to God. I drop Shimshon off at school, he's on the back of my bike and I'm speaking to him, hey Shimshon, are you still there? And I'm tickling him, oh Shimshon, whee! And I drop him off and then I drive to Yeshiva and I'm like, hey Hashem, are you there? Sometimes I walk down the corridor holding Hashem's hand like this. You wouldn't notice, I'm just walking down the corridor swinging my hand, but in my mind I'm holding Hashem's hand. And people say you're crazy. I'm like, I am, but I'm happier than you. Just little... this is number four, very important. Speech, speech, speech. How you're speaking to yourself, how you're speaking to other people, how you're speaking to Hashem. Bezrat Hashem tomorrow, number five.