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Shiurim by Rav Davidson in KBY.
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We are learning ספר חובות הלבבות in שער הבטחון פרק ד.
We were discussing the provider,
a person who's responsible for other people,
הקדוש ברוך הוא gave him children,
employees,
that he's responsible for,
and what his perspective should be from a בטחון perspective and what it shouldn't
be,
what's a mistake.
הטעות השלישית שהוא אמנם מוסר לכל מסתופפים סביבו את פרנסה השייכת להם כפי מה
שהבורא קצב להם על ידו.
אבל הוא מזכיר להם את הטובה שהוא עשה להם בזה,
כאילו הוא מפרנס אותם על ידי זה,
כאילו הוא כלכל אותם,
כאילו הוא עשה איתם חסד על ידי זה,
והוא רוצה שהם יודו לו וישבחו אותו מאד עבור זה,
ושייעבדו לו תמורת זה,
ומתגאה ומתנשא ונעשה גבה לב.
And הקדוש ברוך הוא made you the שליח to provide for other people,
that really really what's happening,
really what's happening is that השם is giving them their פרנסה.
And השם gave you a merit that you can be the conduit through which
that פרנסה can come.
So really השם could have given it to them directly,
but השם wanted to מזכה you and say,
you know I'm going to give you the chance to do a kind act
and take care of your children,
to take care of your employees.
So השם gave you the chance to give to someone else.
Really it's השם giving it to them.
If you weren't around,
השם would give it to them in another way,
but השם wants you to have extra merit.
How arrogant is a person when he goes up to the employee or to
the child and he says,
just remember where this came from,
don't forget who helped you,
don't you dare forget where,
you don't forget where he's coming and he's saying,
I'm the provider.
Now it takes a בטחון perspective to not say this because it really looks
like he's the provider.
If you're looking at the world without השם,
it's all cause and effect.
Something caused something,
an effect happened.
The most immediate cause and effect is that he chose to give the money
and they have the money.
From a בטחון perspective,
all the money is השם's and השם is the one deciding and determining where
it has to get to.
And therefore if you're giving out money in a way that's a logical way
to give,
to your kids,
your employees,
you're giving it out,
the בטחון perspective,
the way you would view that is,
that money is really theirs,
they really deserve it,
it's supposed to come to them.
Thank you השם for making me the conduit through which...
let me give an example of a teacher,
it's the same idea by a teacher.
Let's say you have a teacher who's teaching תורה.
Now this person who wants to learn תורה,
then they will learn תורה because they have a thirst to learn תורה and
הקדוש ברוך הוא will answer their thirst perhaps and He'll give them the chance
to learn.
Now if you happen to be the right person at the right time and
you can teach תורה,
then it's a big merit that you have,
and the way that a תורה teacher views it is,
זכות לי,
איזה זכות היה לי.
What an opportunity that I had to be able when there was someone thirsty
to learn and I was there and I was able to share with them
that information that I picked up once and I'm so grateful that I was
able to be there.
So in a תורה way it's a bit easy to see it.
It would be extremely arrogant of a תורה teacher to say to someone,
don't you forget who made you who you are,
it's all because of me.
I once had a מבוגר and he said to me something like "What are
you doing these days?" I said "Yeah I'm still in Camp Yavneh." "Still in
Camp Yavneh,
remember it's all because of me,
I taught you on your first year." And then he burst out laughing to
show me that he was joking,
that it wasn't coming from an arrogant place,
it was coming from a jokey place because he was a jokey kind of
a guy and that was his way.
But some people don't say it in a jokey way.
They say it like,
I made him who he was,
you know how he got there,
it was in my merit,
it was because of me.
There was once someone,
it doesn't matter the context,
but something very substantial happened to a particular person,
and there were many many reasons why that good thing happened to that person.
And one of them very very arbitrary,
very very by the way,
was that on the way they needed some form signed,
and it happened to be that one particular person signed it,
it could have been anyone that signed it.
But it happened to be one person signed it.
So the form was signed and then these two people met,
they didn't necessarily know each other but they met,
and then the person who signed the form said,
oh so what happened in the end?
He said,
oh he got the very good thing that was supposed to happen.
So the guy says,
you know why you got it?
It's all because of me.
And this person didn't even know what that person's relevance.
He said,
oh why,
why is it because of you,
tell me?
So then he says,
I signed on the form.
And this person was very humble.
So they said,
wow without you it wouldn't have happened,
thanks so much.
It totally would have happened without him.
Anyone could have signed that,
but you just needed someone of their ranking to sign it,
but anyone similar to their level could have signed it and it would have
been the same.
But they were taking full credit,
and this person in a humble way was saying,
"Wow,
without you it wouldn't have happened,
thank you so much!" And they were like,
"Yes,
yes!" I was watching on the side,
watching,
it was hilarious.
Like,
"Hello!" Like הקדוש ברוך הוא was the one who gave him that good.
You should say thank you for השם giving the opportunity for you being on
the way,
that you were able to take part in the good thing that happened over
there.
But not that you should be taking credit for it.
So a ביטחון perspective,
where someone is in an act of giving,
being a משפיע,
they don't view themselves as relevant to take credit.
They view themselves as relevant to give thanks to הקדוש ברוך הוא.
You know where this comes up in a major way is kids.
A parent has a child.
I think it's pretty safe to say when you see a wide range of
kids coming out of the same family,
that the parents do their best,
but ultimately the results aren't only up to them.
If all the kids are messed up,
even then it's not necessarily because of the parents,
although you're tempted to say it is.
You're tempted to say,
"Look,
all the kids are messed up,
the parents did something wrong." But even then it's not necessarily.
Every child has free will.
Every child has other influences.
Parents do the best they can do.
But suddenly when a kid turns out really well,
the parents are chuffed.
"Ah,
you see my kid!" They're telling all their neighbors,
they're telling all the cousins,
they're telling all their friends.
"Oh yeah,
my son got into this place,
my son got to that place,
oh you know what my son's doing these days?
He's doing this and that." If their kid turns out terribly,
they're like,
"Don't talk about it so much." They talk about it in a hushed voice,
under the cover,
like,
"מה?
What's going on?" That's not because of you,
that's not because of you.
Meaning,
you do your best.
You do your best.
If the kid turns out well,
you thank השם for being on the path and on the journey of this
child.
If the kid doesn't turn out well,
you say הקדוש ברוך הוא,
I did the most I could,
and you דאוון for them.
But you're not taking credit or taking blame,
either way.
It's not your doing,
as long as you did your part,
you did what you could do.
If you messed them up intentionally,
then...
I can't be a bit arrogant of having this זכות to be this there?
You can be grateful.
You can be grateful.
Grateful,
yeah.
You can feel happy.
You can be happy,
like,
"Wow,
what a זכות!" You can be happy,
you can rejoice.
You can say,
"I'm so grateful to הקדוש ברוך הוא that I was able to be the
one on the journey of this child who became who he became." So it
is a good feeling to be rejoicing and happy,
but that rejoicing shouldn't lead to arrogance.
That rejoicing should lead to gratefulness.
Like in English you say the word "I'm proud of you," right?
And that word "proud" has a double meaning in English.
It could be a healthy proud,
like "I'm proud of you" not that I'm arrogant,
I'm just proud of you meaning I'm happy for you.
Or it could mean what the word literally means,
like "I'm proud," meaning arrogant.
So you have to differentiate.
If you say in English "I'm proud of you," then בסדר,
you don't know what the person means because it can have both meanings.
But if you say- I was once in a group and the rabbi who
was running the group was greeting the people who just arrived.
There were seventeen people who arrived.
And the rabbi said,
"I want you all to know there was a high selection here,
so anyone who made it to this stage..." so he was saying in English
to himself because he was an English speaker but he was speaking in Hebrew.
So he was saying to himself,
"You can be proud of yourself." Now in English to say you can be
proud of yourself,
that's fine,
that's not problematic.
But he said in Hebrew,
"אתם יכולים להיות גאים." Which I don't know how that works in Hebrew,
but it has a very bad tone to it,
having גאווה doesn't sound so Jewish.
So one of the rabbis,
I'm sure- I bet you met him last year,
Rav Shachar,
remember Rav Shachar,
yeah?
So Rav Shachar,
he said,
"חס ושלום,
חס ושלום!" And the rabbi who was speaking didn't understand what the חס ושלום
was about.
So he said,
"מה?
It's a good thing,
you're at this stage." So then Rav Shachar said,
"אני שמח אבל לא מתגאה,
לא מתגאה." חזק!
So yeah,
you shouldn't be like,
"Oh,
it's not because of me," and then be depressed and putting yourself down.
No,
be proud in the good way.
Be happy.
Rejoice.
Be grateful.
But that doesn't mean being arrogant.
So that's the mistake,
the third mistake that these people make.
They're in a position of השפעה.
They're giving השפעה,
they're giving השפעה financially,
they're giving השפעה spiritually,
giving השפעה educationally,
whatever it is.
They're giving השפעה.
How do you view the fact that you're in a position of giving השפעה?
How do you view that?
Wrong way to view it is to say it's all because of me and
you remind people that they owe you a favor because you're the one who
did it.
It would have come to them either way.
It would have come to these people either way.
If הקדוש ברוך הוא determined that the child needed it,
the חניך needed it,
the employee needed it,
they would have got it.
If you were the one on the way on the path to give it
to them,
be grateful.
מאד.
מודה להשם שזיכה אותו להיות השליח להיטיב לאחרים.
That's what your mantra should be.
I'm thankful,
I'm grateful,
I'm grateful to you השם that I had the זכות to be the שליח
to benefit another person.
Thank you.
Sometimes you see people where someone helps someone,
and the receiver says thank you,
and the one who gave says,
no thank you.
Like wait a minute,
no thank you?
You're the one who helped me!
What do you mean no thank you?
No,
but it makes sense.
Thank you for I want to do good in the world,
I'm trying to do the best.
I don't always know how to or where to or what to,
and like,
I'm really grateful that I had the chance over here.
Thank you.
Thank you for being,
for listening,
thank you for being willing to receive,
thank you for going on a good path.
Gives me the chance to give with a לב שלם.
והוא חושב שאם הוא לא היה נותן להם פרנסתם,
this arrogant person says,
you know,
if it wasn't for me,
אז היתה נשארת בידו,
you know,
you wouldn't have received it,
it would stay by me.
I chose to give it to you.
שאם לא הוא,
אז לא היה להם מעין לחיות.
If it wasn't for me,
these kids would have died,
these people wouldn't have been knowledgeable.
טיפש ומסכן,
המתייגע על הריק בעולם הזה,
לצבור הון ולהאכיל אותו לאחרים,
ומפסיד שכרו לעולם הבא.
קשה,
you know,
you hear that?
A person who's benefiting other people,
but in his mind he's not benefiting them because he's doing a מצוה,
because he's doing a good deed,
he's benefiting them because he wants to get a payback.
He wants people to acknowledge him and see how good he is.
He's a טיפש.
He's losing out the potential reward he would get.
He could be doing with the right mindset and he'd be doing a מצוה.
He's doing the wrong mindset and he's doing it self-serving,
like politicians who give favors to people before they're elected and they come back
to remind you to vote for them because they helped you.
It's not inherently they want to do good,
it's that they need to buy votes,
so they'll do the good they need to get until they're in power and
then שלום,
they don't need you anymore.
אבל בעל שכל נוהג בשלושת דברים הללו בדרך נכונה.
Let's say in the right way.
Someone who's intelligent,
he acts in these three points in the correct way.
ויוצא ידי חובת התורה המטילה עליו.
He's doing everything because הקדוש ברוך הוא gives him the responsibility.
והוא משיג על ידה חיים טובים בעולם הזה,
and he's more happy in this world.
He's in a mindset of giving and helping others.
You know,
this is something which is a famous idea,
but it's important to say right now.
There's two ways to view יחסי גומלין בין משפיע ומושפע.
The relationship between someone who's helping someone else.
There's two ways to view it.
One way of viewing and it's the same thing exactly,
it's just two different perspectives,
but it's שמים וארץ as far as the outcome is concerned.
The one way,
let's talk about an employee and employer.
So the employer has to pay the wages.
The employee has to do his work.
Okay.
That's the relationship.
Now,
how do you view it?
Do you view it that the employee says,
you owe me my wage!
You have to give it to me!
Sorry,
I deserve it!
I worked hard,
I deserve it!
And then it's talking about זכויות.
It's the 250th anniversary of America and there's a Bill of Rights.
What are rights?
It's my right to have such and such and such a thing.
That's the creation of an arrogant society.
It's my right!
And in America you see it's very common that everyone's suing everyone else.
Anything happen,
you sue them,
you sue them,
you sue them.
I have the right to sue.
I have to maximize my right.
In the תורה,
there's no discussion of rights.
Zero discussion of rights.
It doesn't say anywhere that the poor person has the right to go to
the rich person and take פאה לקט שכחה.
It says that the field owner has the obligation to give פאה לקט שכחה.
It's the same thing.
Same thing.
Actions that are happening are exactly the same.
It's the rich giving to the poor,
מתנות עניים.
But which way is it going?
Is it going from an arrogant mindset of,
you owe it to me,
I'm the center of the world and you are a servant to me,
you owe me,
it's all about זכויות?
Or it is about,
I'm in this world to be a servant,
I'm in this world to fulfill my obligations,
I'm in this world to do my duty to others.
It's not about me.
It's about me doing for others.
That's my responsibility here in this world.
Then you create a giving society,
an altruistic society.
It's the same outcome as far as technically what happens,
but it's a שמים וארץ mindset of how the relationship works.
If you have an employee and employer who are always fighting back and forth,
you...
You didn't give me the raise.
You didn't work hard enough.
Where they're all about them,
then the whole thing's going to be very negative and everyone's going to do
the minimum.
Why should I do more?
But if it's a mindset of like I'm here to work hard.
I have a work ethic.
I'm here to show my boss that I'm going to do everything that I
can,
this business will succeed,
because my obligation.
That's my obligation here.
I'm an employee.
My responsibility is to do this job in the best way possible and succeed.
Then the owner says it's my responsibility to take care of my employee,
to make sure he has good conditions.
And if I see he's doing a good job it's my responsibility to show
him that and give him a raise.
So the whole אווירה,
the whole mindset,
the whole atmosphere will be one of everyone's happy to do everything for everyone
else.
It's the same relationship but the first one it's all about me,
you didn't give me my rights I'm not going to work for you.
The second one was I'm taking my responsibility to the best way possible.
The רמב״ם when he speaks about one's obligation in a marriage,
fascinating,
it's worth reading,
there's two הלכות one after the other.
The רמב״ם writes the responsibilities of a husband to a wife,
שיפרנס אותה כממונו ויכבד אותה יותר מממונו,
all the obligations a husband to a wife.
And then the obligations of the wife,
that she must respect her husband as if he's a king,
וכולי וכולי,
what she has to do for him.
So the רמב״ם is laying down all the responsibilities that each one has for
the other one.
In קידושין when it speaks about a parent to a child and a child
to a parent,
it's talking the father's responsibilities towards his child.
It's talking to the child.
Where it goes wrong,
where it goes wrong is when the wife is quoting the רמב״ם of what
the husband has to do for her,
and the husband says,
oh excuse me one second madam look at what the רמב״ם says what the
wife have to do for the husband.
Then it goes wrong because everyone's like saying I have the right to this
and I have the right to this and you're not doing your job,
you're not doing your job,
then that creates problems in שלום בית.
But if the husband's only reading the part about what the husband has to
do for the wife,
that's all he's reading and he's doing his part well well well irrespective of
how the wife's behaving.
Not relevant.
He is doing his part well well well.
And the wife will naturally look at her part and say what do I
have to do for my husband?
And she'll do her part well and vice versa.
So it's a mindset not of rights but of obligations,
of חובות,
מה חובתי.
The מסילת ישרים doesn't say מה זכותי בעולם,
he says מה חובתי בעולם.
So that's the correct mindset that a person has,
שהוא יוצא בה ידי החובות שהתורה מטילה עליו.
That's his mindset.
His mindset's not about מגיע לי.
His mindset's about what is my obligation,
what's my responsibility,
שהוא משיג על ידה חיים טובים בעולם הזה and then he'll benefit,
he benefits from having you think now I want,
I want to enjoy life,
I don't want to think what my responsibilities are.
That's how you'll enjoy life.
If you're thinking of what your responsibilities are towards others,
that's how you'll enjoy life more.
Am I doing my job well?
Yes.
Are other people treating me well?
That's not in your hands.
That's not in your hands.
You can't control how other people are treating you.
If you're determining whether your life is good by how other people are treating
you,
it's not in your hands.
Won't have a good life.
If you're determining how your life is going by if you're doing your responsibility
well,
that's in your hands.
That you can say,
you can say you're doing well.
הבטחון שיש לו על הפרנסה והרכוש שהם ביד השם הוא יותר חזק מהבטחון שיש
לו על פרנסה ורכוש שהם בידו מפני שאינו יודע מהפרנסה והרכוש שבידו ניתנו לו
בתור פרנסת מחיה או בתור פרנסת הון.
When you have your own money you don't always know exactly what it's there
for.
Is it there for you to use?
Is it there for you to hold on to like we spoke about yesterday.
ועל ידי התנהגותו וטוב השקפתו הנכונה הוא יגיע אל הכבוד בעולם הזה ואל השכר
הטוב לעולם הבא.
When a person has the right behavior and the right outlook then he'll do
everything from the mindset of what does הקדוש ברוך הוא want from me?
What are my obligations here in this world?
He'll be benefited from that here in this world and in the next world.
And that's what it says in תהלים,
הללויה אשרי איש ירא את ה׳.
It's not that he's thinking אשרי איש that Hashem gives him lots of good.
אשרי איש that he is fearful of Hashem.
He's always asking himself,
am I doing the will of Hashem?
Am I responsible in taking care of my obligations?
ויש שם גם אנשים שכל השתדלותם לצבור הון ולהגדיל אותו אינו אלא מפני שהם
אוהבים כבוד מבני אדם.
Some people for them money is a means to honor.
מפני שהם רוצים לעשות עצמם שם על ידי עושר.
They want to be famous,
they want to be well known.
They want to print bills that have a picture of them on.
ולכן כמה רכוש שיש להם לא מספיק להם.
It doesn't make a difference how much they have,
it's never enough,
because they need to make more of a name for themselves.
והשקפתם זו שבכל רכושם הוא יותר גדול,
their mindset is the more assets they have,
הם ראויים יותר לכבוד.
And they say,
oh I was in my house in Florida last week and I'm going to
my house in Switzerland next week and I'm going to my private jet,
they just dropping all these words they have all the way along so everyone
will know how much they're worth.
הוא שטות מצידה.
It's foolish.
והוא נובע ממה שהם מחוסרי ידיעה מה גורמי הכבוד האמיתי.
They don't know what real honor is.
They're trying to drop honor by how wealthy they are and how much they're
showing off about how wealthy they are,
they don't know what honor is in the next world and not even in
this world.
והגורם לטעותם הוא מה שהם רואים שהמון העם מכבדים את העשירים.
They see people respect the wealthy,
so if I'm wealthy,
people respect me.
אך לאמיתתו של דבר אין ללמוד מזה שהעשירים אמנם ראויים לכבוד.
But you can't learn from that that that's the way to have honor by
being rich.
שהרי מה שהמון העם מכבדים עשירים,
you know why people honor the rich people?
מפני שהם חומדים את עושרם,
just because they're trying to win favor in their eyes.
They don't really care for them,
they don't really respect them,
but they say if I find favor in that person's eyes maybe they'll give
me some of their money.
So they're not honoring the person,
they're just trying to get money themselves.
So this other person looks,
everyone's honoring the rich!
It's a false honor,
I know,
but it feels so good.
It feels so good to have everyone coming to you and saying,
oh Mr.,
oh holy one,
oh wealthy one,
can I help you in any way?
It feels so good,
look at that,
doesn't that feel great?
Yeah,
but you know that you do it to other people not because you care
about them but just because you want to get a part of their money.
I know,
but I want people to do that to me!
So it's all false,
and they know it's false,
and they buy into it.
They pay into it,
they pay into it.
If I can become wealthy and tell everyone how rich I am then everyone
will give me honor.
וחושבים למשוך אותו אליהם וליהנות ממנו,
they just hoping to win the wealth of the others,
על ידי שהם מתחנפים להם.
ואילו היה להמון העם שכל,
if these people would just think for a minute,
היו מבינים כי אין ביכולתם ובכוחם של עשירים לתת,
רק מי שהבורא גזר שיתנו לו.
The truth is that there's no point in trying to flatter other people and
find favor in their eyes because השם runs the world.
לי הכסף לי הזהב.
All the money is השם'ס.
If השם determined the rich people is going to get it,
even if they're doing it in bad ways,
they'll get it because השם said so.
And if השם said that you're not going to get it,
you're not going to get it because השם says so.
It doesn't make a difference.
ביטחון בהשם,
you're not going to change the way you behave to find favor in eyes
of other people,
you're going to act in line with השם'ס will.
אין ביכולתם ובכוחם לא לתת,
רק למי שהבורא גזר שלא לתת.
ואז היו תולים את תקוותם רק בהשם.
The truth is you should never rely on those people,
never trust in those people.
I said this before but I just find it very interesting and I want
to say it again.
I'm not saying if I agree with this hashkafically I just want to say
an opinion and I find it very interesting.
In the חרדי world there are two different mindsets.
There's more than just these two groups I'm just giving these two groups as
like the prototypes.
There's the mindset of גור and the mindset of סאטמר.
The mindset of גור is work with the government,
vote in the government,
be part of the government and then that you're part of the government and
you can help determine and influence which way the money is going and then
you can have part of the treasury can be towards חינוך,
can be towards תורה,
and can be towards מצוות.
That's a way of behaving.
That's one approach.
There's another approach of סאטמר and they say we're going to earn our own
money,
we're going to be financially independent,
we're not going to be looking to be part of the government and then
we won't need to be dependent on the government either.
We won't ask them for money and we can do things our own way.
Two different approaches,
two different ways.
There's other factors in as well but that's two different approaches,
very interesting.
So סאטמר say to גור you're making a big mistake.
גור say what do you mean?
We're paying taxes in this country too,
we live in this country too,
don't we have the right to determine where the money's going to go?
The money's anyway there,
it's going to go somewhere,
so instead of it going to עבירות let it go to תורה and מצוות.
It's a good claim,
very good claim.
סאטמר say yeah but then you need to find favor in the eyes of
those people you're working with and you need to give in and agree to
things that you wouldn't want to naturally agree to because you're working with them
together.
That's a big mistake,
you should just separate yourself,
be financially independent,
do things your own way.
You can hear both sides.
You can hear both sides.
The ביטחון and אמונה perspective would be,
it could be in both of these perspectives,
could be,
but the ביטחון would say the money either way comes from הקדוש ברוך הוא.
You have to Trust in הקדוש ברוך הוא.
You have to put in a lot of השתדלות.
You can't just say I'm trusting in השם,
it's gonna come from nowhere.
You have to put in hard work.
But the ultimate goal has to be that you believe that if the if
the money's gonna come to you in the way that it's supposed to come
to you,
it will come to you.
מה שמגיע לך מגיע עד אליך.
It's gonna come all the way to you.
סאטמר would quote חובות הלבבות שער הביטחון and they would say to them,
don't get the money in that way,
because if you're getting the money in that way,
that means you also have to give into certain things and agree to certain
things which aren't על טהרת הקודש.
It's not worth it.
Have ביטחון on השם,
work hard,
support yourself,
and then you can be independent.
You can make your own state within another state and you can finance yourself
and lead your life according to a pure תורה השקפה.
That's their claim from ביטחון.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong and there's many,
many other factors,
but from a pure ביטחון perspective,
in that particular aspect of the debate,
סאטמר right.
There's another reason why I think they're wrong,
because there's an inherent value in being part of the ציבור,
and not for the money aspect,
but just for the being part of the ציבור and being part of כלל
ישראל and being involved and not having a separate...
that's a different factor.
But just the money,
just the money factor,
סאטמר right,
that if getting that money means that you then have to give into things
that you don't agree with השקפתית,
then don't do it that way.
Do it another way,
trust in הקדוש ברוך הוא that it's gonna come in a pure way.
Don't depend on anyone else,
only on השם.
ולא היו ראוי בעיניהם לכבוד אלא מי שמתבלט במעלות משובחות שהשם נתן לו.
And if you want to give real honor,
then you give real honor to the people who are growing in יראת שמיים,
to the people that הקדוש ברוך הוא proud of them.
That's true honor.
That's the honor that הקדוש ברוך הוא gives,
as the פסוק says כי מכבדי אכבד.
Those people who honor me,
I honor them.
So if you want to be really honorable,
then look who הקדוש ברוך הוא honors and emulate them.
חזק.
עד כאן ובעזרת השם בעידן דתימא.