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Collection of tracks for demonstrations
Introduction to Pronoun Awareness
Brought to you by Assemble You.
It's time to work on YOU. So sit back and listen to practical,
actionable advice to accelerate your progress.
This track will cover Personal Gender Pronouns (PGPs). We’ll look at what they are,
give a brief overview of some important definitions, and then look at ways of sharing
your pronouns and working to create a more inclusive work environment.
A pronoun is a word that is used instead of a noun. I, she, he, they, it, and we, for
example. Instead of using somebody’s name repeatedly in a sentence, you would
ordinarily use a pronoun. The Law Society outlines that “gender pronouns (such as
‘he/him/his’ or ‘she/her/hers’) are the way that we constantly refer to one another’s
gender identity”. Everybody has pronouns and uses pronouns to speak about other
people. For example, if you’ve heard a new colleague is joining the company but aren’t
sure of their name or pronouns, you might say, “I wonder which office they are going to
work in”. If you were speaking about your friend, Kate, you probably wouldn't say, “I’ve
invited Kate over for dinner, but I’m not sure what time Kate will get here as Kate has to
work late”. Instead, if her pronouns are she/her, you might say, “I’ve invited her over for
dinner, but I’m not sure what time she’ll get here as she has to work late”. Personal
gender pronouns are the pronouns that align with a person’s identity and, therefore,
the pronouns others use when referring to that person. For example, Kate’s pronouns
are she, her, and hers, so you’d say, “Kate is excited for her birthday at the weekend”.
We'll return to pronouns and how we use them in a minute.
***
To help us contextualise this, let's take a step back and first look at some important
definitions relating to gender.
The following can all be found in Stonewall’s glossary. “Trans is an umbrella term to
describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with,
the sex they were assigned at birth”. Cis, cisgender, or non-trans means “someone
whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth”. The gender
Copyright © 2022 Assemble You. All rights reserved.
binary is the concept of there being two distinct genders, male and female, as defined
by rigid cultural and social expectations. Many people exist outside of that binary.
Non-binary is “an umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn’t sit
comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary identities are varied and can include
people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them
entirely”. Gender non-conforming means not conforming “to socially accepted or
stereotypical gender norms”. Transgender people may identify as the binary gender
they have transitioned to, or they may identify outside of the binary. According to HBR,
“more than 12% of U.S. millennials identify as transgender or gender non-conforming,
and a majority believe that gender is a spectrum rather than a man/woman binary”.
Stonewall outlines that “the most common gender-neutral pronoun is the singular
'they’”. Many non-binary people use they/them pronouns, but it’s vital not to assume
someone’s pronouns. Some people may use multiple sets of pronouns - he/him and
they/them, for example. This particular combination of pronouns would be conveyed as
he/they or they/he. This means the person is comfortable with any of those pronouns.
The order of the pronouns (for example, he followed by they) could indicate preference
but not necessarily. It’s OK to ask someone how they would like you to use the
pronouns. If somebody is comfortable with different pronouns being used within the
same conversation, you could say, for example, “Sophia said she’s not in the office
today; they’ve got a meeting in Manchester”.
The key is not to assume somebody’s pronouns. There is no way of determining which
pronouns somebody uses without them voluntarily communicating theirs. A common
misconception is that only Trans or non-binary people share their pronouns, whereas
in reality, it is something that everyone can do to be more inclusive. The idea behind
sharing pronouns in social media bios or email signatures is that it normalises their
usage. The same can be said for introducing yourself to someone new by sharing your
name and pronouns. It could feel intimidating to someone who is trans to have to
announce their pronouns and correct others if they are the only person expected to
speak about them in a work setting. The Law Society highlights:
Although you may feel it personally unnecessary to do so, and it may even make you
feel a little uncomfortable at first, sharing your pronouns helps raise awareness and
acceptance of different, including non-binary, gender identities.
If you have seen that your colleague uses “she/her” pronouns from the recent email
she sent you, it means she doesn’t have to initiate a conversation on it. You may also
see somebody’s pronouns have changed in their email signature, which again makes it
easy to refer to them accurately to others without having to check with them first. It
means you can be confident in knowing you haven’t misgendered someone because
they have made clear in written communications what their pronouns are. It would
clarify, for example, that Alex’s pronouns are “he/him”, Dan’s are “they/them” and Chris’
are “she/they”. To misgender someone is to “identify the gender of a person incorrectly
by using an incorrect label or pronoun”. If you want to check someone’s pronouns, a
simple “what are your pronouns?” or “can I just check your pronouns before I introduce
you?” works well. Some trans or non-binary people may use different pronouns at work
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and outside of work so be aware that their preferences may change based on safety or
perception.
Another way to normalise the sharing of pronouns is to start meetings by asking
members to introduce themselves and share what pronouns they use. This could be a
simple addition of “Hi everyone. I’m Parminder, I work in accounts. I use she/her
pronouns”. Colleagues could include pronouns in their name shown on screen if the
platform allows, for example, Parminder (she/her). It is worth noting that someone may
choose not to share their pronouns if they are not at that moment sure which pronouns
they are most comfortable with. Some people may also feel comfortable with any
pronouns but again, that’s not something to be assumed.
We all have pronouns. As Paige Cohen highlights in their article for HBR, “most people
only tend to ask visibly transgender or gender-nonconforming people” their pronouns,
but cisgender and gender-conforming people have pronouns too. If everybody
becomes comfortable and confident sharing their own pronouns, it avoids putting a
spotlight on a specific individual. It means that everyone can be correctly referred to
within a safe and inclusive environment without anyone being singled out for their
perceived gender identity. It normalises getting other people’s pronouns correct and
not harmfully speculating about another person’s gender. It potentially also indicates
the broader safety of a workplace for trans employees. Jamie Wareham’s article for
Forbes outlines how “when cisgender people [share their pronouns] as well, it
normalises discussions about gender – a conversation that benefits everyone”. Lily
Zheng, author of Gender Ambiguity in the Workplace and writer for HBR, advises
sharing your pronouns in a manner that is “clear, straightforward, and casual — in the
same way you’d share what region or city you live in”. If you know someone’s pronouns,
it can take the pressure off them to have to correct colleagues if you indicate their
pronouns as part of any introduction to others. For example, “this is Alex, she’ll be
managing the new project”.
If somebody hasn’t told you their pronouns, using the pronoun ‘they’ demonstrates that
you haven’t assumed somebody’s gender. If you do know somebody’s pronouns
(because they’ve told you), then accurately use their pronouns. When somebody tells
you their pronouns, there is no reason for discussion or debate. It is not your place to
choose somebody else’s pronouns. In the same way you’d strive to get somebody’s
name correct (and pronounce it properly), make a concerted effort to get someone’s
pronouns right. If you mistakenly use the wrong pronouns, Paige Cohen advises you
“give a simple apology, and immediately make the correction by restating the sentence
where you misgendered the individual”. It’s important not to try and justify your mistake
or accuse the person you’ve misgendered of being at fault. Apologise, correct yourself,
and continue your point, then make a concerted effort to remember their correct
pronouns for next time. Occasional mistakes are absolutely fine, but it’s the way you
deal with them that speaks volumes.
The fostering of a truly inclusive workplace by normalising the discussion of pronouns
and gender is outlined by LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant Gina Battye. They say:
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It creates a safe space so everyone can bring their whole self to work, no longer
needing to censor or hide parts of themselves. This leads to greater productivity,
creativity and connection with colleagues and your organisational purpose.
Respecting somebody’s pronouns is not just about courtesy. Of course, it’s good
manners to use someone’s correct pronouns, but doing so also demonstrates a core
appreciation of everybody’s right to live a safe and fulfilling life.
There is a fundamental value to considering somebody’s identity and recognising who
they are. A safe and inclusive workplace goes way beyond a superficial “tolerance” of
difference and diversity. Crucial research from The Trevor Project, via Forbes, found
“that for transgender people who live their lives with people who use their correct
pronouns, it halves the chance they’ll try to take their life”.
On that note, it’s evidently incredibly valuable to get more confident speaking about
pronouns at work. So when you’re next in a meeting (in person or online), make a
concerted effort to share your pronouns if you feel able to. Maybe start by changing
your screen name or LinkedIn bio to include them. Or, if there’s someone you’re
introducing to a colleague this week and you know their pronouns, make it comfortable
for them by sharing their name and their pronouns. So, you could say, “Hi Dan. I’d like
you to meet Sam. She works with me on marketing strategy”. That way, Dan knows
Sam uses she/her pronouns and doesn’t need to ask.