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Join Dr. Kim Kutsch, the brilliant mind behind CariFree, as he explores the extraordinary lives of thought leaders in the dental industry, and beyond. Contrary to Ordinary explores further than dentistry - here we unravel the minds of change-makers, paradigm shifters, and world shakers.
Every two weeks, we dive into the stories of our remarkable guests—ordinary people who continually defy limits. Discover their tales of success, resilience, and self-awareness, and explore how they leverage these experiences not only to elevate dental practice and patient care but also to champion personal growth and entrepreneurship. Listen for captivating conversations with innovators who seamlessly blend art and technology, pursue curiosity, and create the truly extraordinary.
Contrary to Ordinary isn't your typical dentistry podcast—it's a vibrant community that's hit #1 in ‘Entrepreneurship,’ #3 in ‘Business,’ and #21 in ‘All Podcasts’ for a reason. We've had the pleasure of hosting inspiring guests like innovators, dental leaders, pioneering inventors, and artists, including Angus Walls, Machell Hudson, Dr. Simon McDonald, Dr. Bobby Birdi, Rella Christensen, Professor Phillip D. Marsh, Carmen Ohling, John Kois, Dr. Susan Maples, Doug Young, Colt Idol, Stephanie Staples, and many more who've graced our mic.
Each episode isn't just a listen; it's a lesson in living an extraordinary life authentically, embracing rebellion, and nurturing leadership. We dive into diverse topics, from mentoring, coaching, personal development, and work-life balance to self-awareness, emotional intelligence, leadership, storytelling, altruism, and motivation. And yes, we also cover dentistry—exploring natural dentists, dental health, dental laboratories, oral care, oral surgery, dental hygiene, caries disease, brushing teeth, and overall tooth care.
Tune in to Contrary to Ordinary for a unique blend of wisdom that goes beyond the ordinary and resonates with all aspects of life! This podcast aims to empower you to be extraordinary in your dental practice and improve not just your dental care but your overall life!
Do you have an extraordinary story you’d like to share with us? Or perhaps a question for Dr. Kutsch. Contact us on our Instagram, Facebook or Twitter today.
About Our Host:
Meet Dr. Kim Kutsch: a retired dentist with 40 years of experience, prolific writer, thought leader, inventor, and researcher in dental caries and minimally invasive dentistry, brings his insatiable curiosity to the forefront. Eager to learn from those breaking boundaries in dentistry, particularly in preventative and non-invasive dentistry approaches, Dr. Kutsch launched the Contrary to Ordinary podcast. As a keen creative and curious mind, Dr. Kutsch extends his podcast guest list to artists, entrepreneurs, and fascinating minds who have piqued his interest. He wants to learn from them and see how he can be inspired by their extraordinary ways of living and adapt his learnings into his own life and his business, CariFree.
About CariFree:
CariFree is the new model for oral health and cavity prevention. Dr. Kutsch is the CEO and founder of this business. They create cutting-edge technology and science-based solutions to common dental health concerns for the whole family, making it easy to banish cavities for good with preventive strategies over restorative procedures. Find out how dentists are using CariFree products to revolutionize their dental practices here: https://carifree.com/success-stories/.
Recording:
Extraordinary.
Innovative.
Integrity.
Honest.
Courageous.
Curious.
Thoughtful.
Brave.
Unafraid.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
There is a place where technology and art meet, where work and play are one and the same. When the threads of curiosity are pulled in this place, the spark of innovation ripples across industries. Those who make this place their home are giants, titans who pursue creative passion while leaving their mark.
Recording:
Creative.
Flexible.
Brilliant.
Clever.
Confident.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
They are courageous thought leaders set on changing the practice of dentistry and their corner of the world. More than the sum of their parts, we deconstruct the traits that bind these uncommon innovators.
Recording:
Humble.
Daring.
Disciplined.
Playful.
Principled.
Spontaneous.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
To discover what makes them contrary to ordinary, where we explore the extraordinary.
Hi there. I'm Dr. Kim Kutch, host and founder at CariFree. I'm fascinated by what makes the paradigm shifters, world shakers and art makers tick. Let's embark on a journey. Extraordinary is a place where ordinary people choose to exist. Together we will trek the peaks of possibility, illuminate the depths of resilience, and navigate the boundless landscape of innovation to discover how some of the most innovative dentists and thought leaders unlock their potential and became extraordinary.
On this season of Contrary to Ordinary, we'll continue to explore the motivation, lives and character of the innovators who see limitless potential around them. In this episode, we're going to be talking to a person who helps people thrive, who are nice for a living. We'll be returning to dentistry soon enough, but I'm excited to include some conversations with extraordinary people that will expand your horizons and make you think a little differently.
Today's guest is Stephanie Staples. She's a prolific motivational speaker and coach who shares her positive message with busy professionals. Stephanie has a background in nursing, but after a moment of extreme burnout, she decided she wanted to dedicate her life to helping other people realize their full potential. Her coaching style is magnetic. You'll find her mingling with her audience, encouraging them to work harder on themselves than on anything else.
When I spoke to Stephanie, she was about to deliver one of these inspirational talks to an eager audience at the Oregon Dental Conference. Stephanie has also appeared on radio, television and is the author of When Enlightening Strikes: Creating a Mindset for Uncommon Success, The Try Angle: A New Slant on Life, and even a children's book, Noah and the Try-Ceratops. Stephanie's journey began with a large family in Winnipeg, Canada.
Stephanie Staples:
Yeah, quiet kid, fourth child. My siblings eight years older, 10 years older, 13 years older, so kind of more like an only child.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Stephanie Staples:
And raised by older parents. I think I always thought in my family, you think this one's a smart one and that one's the pretty one and that one's the talented one. And I was like, "There's nothing left for me." I felt so ordinary and so not good enough. I don't remember being like a happy child. We had a lot of strife in our home and it was challenging, and I just remember I needed to get out of here. I needed to grow up very quickly and I needed to get out. That's how I felt sadly. I wish I had a better story for you.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Oh, no. But you know what? That's the story we're here to talk about. Right? As you were growing up, you had some challenges then young in life.
Stephanie Staples:
I did. When I got older and I started kind of unpacking why what I do today and why I do this, what I realized was as I psychoanalyzed myself is I realized our family needed help and nobody offered us help and nobody asked for help.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Right.
Stephanie Staples:
But we needed help. And I just don't want anybody out there to feel like there is no hope, no solutions, no answers, no people to check in with. There's always one more right answer, and I think that's a big part of why I do what I do, because I don't want anybody to feel like I felt.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Right. So you want to make the world a better place, have an opportunity, a voice, people that maybe don't have a voice to have a voice and to have access to a better life. Would that describe that?
Stephanie Staples:
That's pretty darn close. So my favorite group of people to speak with, and I call it air quotes here, people that are nice for a living. So people that give, do, share, and a lot of those people are in helping professions. Me and my background is nursing, so nice for a living.
And when I say those words to people that are nice for a living, sometimes they gasp. They're like, "Oh, yes, that's me." And the thing is we give, do, have share all day long. We are nice to our patients, we're nice to their families, we're nice to our colleagues. We're nice, nice, nice. And when we get home at the end of the day, oftentimes our nice is all used up. Our best is all done, and the people that we love the most, matter to us most and care about us most get the worst of us. And that's not okay.
I feel like we have a best meter or a nice meter and we start out at the beginning of our day like, oh, we're all nice and good and da, da, da, and by the time we're time to come home and it's like, uh-oh.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Five o'clock, I'm done being nice.
Stephanie Staples:
I'm done being nice. And we can be unpleasant or dot, fill in your word, because that's our safe place. We go home and that's our safe place. Those are our safe people, and they're going to love us no matter what. We can't treat people at work like that. We wouldn't have a job, but we can do that at home. It doesn't mean we should do that at home.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Right. I know for me it was going home every day. I just needed 30 minutes of me time. And with my wife, I would tell Dana, it's like, and the kids, "I just need to be left alone for 30 minutes so I can be a human again." I was fully present at work and I was kind and caring and I gave everything I had, and now I'm home and I just need just a breathe. I just need to stop for 30 minutes. Just leave me alone. And then I'm going to turn into that great person again. But I needed that break. So I structured that into my life. But I think that probably a lot of people aren't really aware of that.
Stephanie Staples:
That's it. It's that piece of self-awareness, right?
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Mm-hmm.
Stephanie Staples:
Which is what you had, and that you could express that as well because lots of people, they know something's missing between here and there, but they don't know what it is and they don't know how to get there. And if you can't express that to your spouse, your partner, they're left guessing, trying to figure out, "What's wrong? What did I do? What's the matter? How can I help?" Self-awareness, that's numero uno.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
My version of self-awareness is knowing that I need some alone time after work. Other people will need different things to feel more human. The key is working with who you are and your limitations. Personally, I think this makes me a better partner, parent and person. The late Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh YUT-HUN) agreed with me. He taught his students that self-awareness is essential to achieving inner peace and cultivating compassion for others. Well said! Stephanie might've started her career as a nurse, but I wonder, did she always have that career path in mind?
Stephanie Staples:
I knew I wanted to help people, but interestingly, and I didn't know this until I reflected, but it never felt like the right fit and I didn't know why. But when I look back, I think, oh, people want time. They want your time. And you're so task oriented as a nurse, you don't often have that time to give. So what happened? I did my nursing. I think I was a good nurse, but something didn't feel right in me.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
It didn't fit for you.
Stephanie Staples:
It didn't fit, and I didn't know why.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
How many years did you practice as a nurse?
Stephanie Staples:
12 years. I had a terrible burnout situation. So I had three young kids and I woke up exhausted one day and I didn't know what was wrong with me. And my husband and I, we worked opposite shifts. So I worked day shift, he worked evening shift, and I went to work and I was all nice and proper and good and whatever. Came home at the end of the day and I was in a horrible situation and ended up putting the kids to bed and passing out in the basement. And the kids woke up and I didn't hear them. And all three kids were crying for me and I didn't hear anything. And my husband came home at midnight. The neighbors had come into our house, brand new neighbors, didn't speak English, but they heard the kids distraught. They came in, looked after our kids for three hours. I was sleeping in the basement. I'm not proud of this story, but it's the truth.
What happened was I had pneumonia. I went to the doctor the next day and I had pneumonia. So I had just pushed myself past the point of, and my body just shut down. And in that time, luckily nothing happened to those little kids, but they were preschool kids. Something horrible could have happened to them.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Oh, for sure.
Stephanie Staples:
And so at that moment I realized I put my hand in the blender. I want to make sure nobody else does that, and I dedicated my life to helping the people who will help other people, so.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
That's a ...
Stephanie Staples:
It was a hard lesson to learn.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Well, I think sometimes it's those traumatic moments in life that we make really big. It's like the pain, like for you it finally got to the point where your body finally said, "I can't do this anymore." We can push our bodies to a point, and then at some point in time the body says no, and then you have to make a decision on, well, now what do I do? How do I get back into some kind of healthy balance in your life?
Stephanie Staples:
My journey then took me into the world of personal coaching, which I didn't really know anything about that at all. But I started doing this personal coaching. I got trained as a coach. I did one-on-one coaching. I did group coaching. Somebody said, "Hey, will you do a seminar for us?" I'm like, "Well, how hard can that be? I don't know." So off I went and did a seminar and then one day the Mayo Clinic College. But I know from the first moment I stood up in front of people to talk about this, I felt like this is how I'm supposed to nurse, this is how I'm supposed to help people.
I'm not the best speaker in the world. I have made every mistake possible. I have fallen off the stage. I have forgotten the words to the song I wrote. I have done everything wrong, but cool feeling. And I hope everybody that listening has this feeling about what they do for a living is that nobody can tell me this is not what I'm supposed to do with my life. This is how I'm supposed to nurse. I know that. I don't have to be the best speaker in the world. I just have to be good enough to get my message across.
You have to be a certain type of person that can put yourself up on a stage like that. It's not like I saw a speaker and I went, "Oh, I want to do that." No, it's more like I am so passionate about this message that I am willing to stand on that stage and be judged. Somebody that's going to sit in my audience tomorrow needs to hear something I have to say. Somebody's going to treat somebody different because of what happens tomorrow. Somebody's going to take better care of themselves. Somebody's going to be a better parent. Somebody's going to be a better partner. Somebody's going to do their job better.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
We're going to touch at least one life.
Stephanie Staples:
Honestly, oftentimes it's mine because you can't stand up there and spew all this. You got to live it too, right? I got to be the same person off-stage as I am on stage, and I want to live a great quality of life, and I want that for other people. And when we are the type of person that puts it all out there, you can't do that sustainably, help the whole rest of the world, something's going to suffer.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
So you were in radio for 12 years and you had that show.
Stephanie Staples:
Yeah. So that was while I had my speaking career. What happened was I realized people seem to be, I don't know, resonating with my message. I was trying to think how can I reach more people? And so I was like, "Well, maybe radio." So I did a bold thing and I pitched the number one talk radio station in my city. I'm like, "Hey, I've got a great idea for a radio show." And I just did it on a whim. And the next day the program director's like, "Oh, tell me more about your idea." And I'm like, "Oh, geez." I hadn't really thought it through.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
I was in the early stages of this thought.
Stephanie Staples:
So you want to be careful with what you wish for. And then he said, "You got six weeks. Sink or swim." And I'm like, "Well, Jesus, is there a manual? Is there a course? Is there something?" He goes, "Well, it's not rocket science. It's just radio." And I'm like, he's been in it for 40 years. And they just-
Dr. Kim Kutch:
That's easy for him to say.
Stephanie Staples:
Can you believe they just put people right off the street in front of hundreds of thousands of people and like ...
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And live.
Stephanie Staples:
Yeah, live. Live.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Right? You're live. Yeah.
Stephanie Staples:
Yes. I remember driving home from that interview with him and I was like banging my head on the steering wheel going, "Why doesn't someone stop me when I have these ideas? Somebody should stop me." But it was a privilege to do it, and I loved every minute of it.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Stephanie's radio show Your Life Unlimited helped her deliver a message of success and positivity through an entirely new medium. I love the idea that Stephanie walked in off the street and was just given a show. To be honest, I'm not surprised at all. Throughout this podcast I've found that extraordinary people often aren't in it for the money. They do what they do because they want to help others.
Stephanie Staples:
I don't know why I have been blessed with this privilege, but I am not going to take it lightly, and I'm going to do the very best that I can do. And again, it's not for everybody. My style's not for everybody. My message isn't for everybody, but if somebody can get something out of it, then great.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Would you consider yourself like a lifelong student?
Stephanie Staples:
Oh gosh, I hope so. I hope I never ever want to stop learning that. Just shoot me now. I heard one person, they said they had a conference to go to, and she literally said, "I only have five more years here. I don't need to learn anything else." And I thought, "Oh my gosh." That just saddens me. The day we think that we don't need to learn anymore, that other people don't have things to offer us, I just thought that would just finish me off.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
I have a hard time relating to that.
Stephanie Staples:
Yeah, I think we all need to be lifelong learners. It makes life more interesting. It makes life more fun. It makes you just a nicer person to be around and more understanding and more compassionate.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Can you name a couple of mentors that played a major role in your life when you stop and think about it?
Stephanie Staples:
Well, it wouldn't be a name that you know, but definitely a pivotal point in my life. So when I told you that I kind of fell into the world of coaching, I remember I was reading a magazine, I heard about this and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing." But then logical me was like, "Well, you have a profession already and you have benefits, and that doesn't make any sense to do that."
So I decided that I would go to Toastmasters because I just fell into this world of personal development. If I only had 10 seconds with people, this is what I'd tell them. Work harder on yourself than on anything else. Work harder on yourself than on anything else, and everything else will be better. Too many people that are waiting for the boss, the government, the wife, the whatever to try and something to change. No, just work on yourself. Everything else is going to get better.
So I decided this is why I'm going to fall into this world of personal development. So I would say, "Well, I'm not going to do this coaching thing because that doesn't make sense, but I'll go to Toastmasters." Toastmasters is a leadership and speaking worldwide organization. I don't think anybody would not benefit from it. It is probably the most cost-effective personal growth thing you can do in my opinion.
The last day we had a guest, and this guest was a business coach, and he sat beside me and I said, "Oh, I've been looking into this world of personal coaching." And he connected me with this one lady who was a life coach in my city, and I reached out to her and she changed my life. Everything good that's happened last 20 years, I can lead back to this woman. Her name is Benita Stafford-Smith. She encouraged me to take this coaching course, and she said, "Even if you don't coach one person, what you will learn for yourself will benefit your life."
And I don't know, I trusted this woman, I believed this woman. And I did it. I had a party. I invited all my friends. I said, "I have a big announcement." And I said, "I'm going to quit nursing. I'm going to become a coach." And it was like crickets, radio silence. And finally one of my friends spoke up and she said, "Steph, we have no idea what that is, but we're sure you'll be very good at it." And I said, "You watch. In five years, everyone's going to know one, have one or be one." And that's exactly what happened. Yeah. So everything goes back to Benita, and trusting this one person who had this enormous impact in my life.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
What kind of things get you excited today?
Stephanie Staples:
Well, I am a late blooming musician.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Really?
Stephanie Staples:
Yes. So when I turned 50, I made a list of 50 challenges in my 50th year. So one of my books is called The Try-Angle, T-R-Y.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Right, The Try-Angle.
Stephanie Staples:
So that's about those 50 challenges. It was probably one of the best years of my life. It was amazing to be able to try so many different things, many of which I failed or did not accomplish. However, the road to trying it was mind-blowing.
But one of the things that I did differently is I asked other people to give me challenges. So I have a pretty big comfort zone. So if I made up all the challenges, I'm like, "They're still probably going to be in my comfort zone." So I got other people to give me these challenges. But I reserved the right to change or negotiate. But one of the challenges was to learn an instrument, write a song, and sing in public. I guess that's actually three challenges.
I cannot remember ever being so scared in my life. I can stand up and talk to thousands of people, no problem. But you put an instrument in my hand or use my voice to sing, completely different ballgame. You asked me what excites me. It excites me when there's something that I don't know, but I think I can learn it. Like not well, and I have a low bar. I don't need to be perfect. I just need to be good enough. And I love that feeling.
For example, when I learned to juggle. I don't juggle well, but I can juggle. You practice, practice, you fall, fall, fall. And then there's one time you just catch it, and it's just that feeling when you haven't got it, but you know that you've made progress, that is probably the best feeling in the world to me. It's like, "Ah, I might be able to do that again."
So anyways, I decided I was going to play the ukulele because I saw a woman play it once. She wasn't very good, but she looked like she was having so much fun. So everyone out there who doesn't think they can play an instrument, the ukulele, very low point of entry, brilliant. I bought this little red ukulele, called her Ruby, and her and I, we have just had so much fun and I ended up being something, but from my past, I used to write poetry. That's what kind of got me through my childhood. And I was like, "Oh, maybe I could use that poetry to write a song," because really that's what songs are. Well, I started writing music, and I wrote this song called Nice for a Living, which is what we talked about before.
And as I'm writing this song, which is in a cornfield in Minneapolis behind a hotel brought me, I'm like, "Oh no, I don't want to write this song. I want to write a happy, fun, cheery, motivational, sing-along kind of song." But this song came out of my body, and it is like grown men cry when they hear this song because it's different when you sing things. So this song is my story of being nice and not showing up for your kids, and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
I think sometimes about music and it's been part of humanity for probably as far back as we can imagine, and I think music plays such an important role in our lives spiritually. You can almost hear your soul sing. Music is a beautiful thing.
Music can help you shift your frame of mind and walk into a completely different mood. Even the great mathematician, Pythagoras thought that music had the power to heal the soul. Stephanie loves to get involved in new projects. Her journey as an author began with her book When Enlightening Strikes: Creating a Mindset for Uncommon Success.
Stephanie Staples:
That was my first foray into writing. And it was one of those books that you know because you're going to be launching your new book soon, but you give that book to someone else and it's like, I really hold onto it tight. I didn't really want them to have it because I thought, "If you don't like this book, you don't like me," because this book is so much a part of you. Somebody said, "How long did it take you to write this?" My whole life.
But you know what? It was an amazing process, and if anybody listening just has an inkling that you think you might like to write a book, I will encourage you and say, "Write that damn book. Even if not one person reads it, just the act of you writing it is so cathartic and so helpful and so interesting." Just sometimes you're typing, you don't know what's going to come out your fingers, and it's like, "Oh my goodness," like that's ...
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And it's fun.
Stephanie Staples:
Or sometimes I go back and I read it. I'm like, "That's brilliant. Who wrote that? Oh, I wrote that. Good for me."
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Oh, that's awesome.
Stephanie Staples:
"That's very insightful."
Dr. Kim Kutch:
So I'm sitting here listening to all these stories, Steph. You are truly extraordinary. What would you consider your proudest achievement in your life?
Stephanie Staples:
I'm going to cry. Because I'll tell you the first thing that came to my mind, I'm a relatively new grandma, Noah's four, and so he lives in a different province than me. He calls me lolly, and I was just determined that I'm just going to be the best long-distance lolly that ever existed in the face of this earth. And I am. We have created the most amazing bond through FaceTime and just through a few visits a year and excited face comes, just hands go up-
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Lights up and-
Stephanie Staples:
... and it's like, oh. And we do the most amazing. We can be on the phone for ... FaceTime for an hour, just playing games, and I don't know what we do. We have pantry parties and we lock ourselves in the closet for hours and people are like, "Where are they? Well, they're in the closet. What are you doing? Well, we put the twinkle lights up." We just have so much fun. So I'm so proud of the relationship that I've been able to create long distance.
That was the first thing that popped into my mind.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Grandkids are such a blessing.
Stephanie Staples:
And watching your kid's parent is so cool.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Oh yeah.
Stephanie Staples:
It's just ...
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And when they come back and go, "You know Dad, I'm really sorry for my teenage years," but it's such a dessert in life. Being able to be a grandparent is such a blessing.
Stephanie Staples:
That's a great way to put it, a dessert in life. I love that.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
It's the dessert of life. And it's the reward for not killing those teenagers, right?
So what's the one thing about you that people probably don't know, but ... Have we left anything out?
Stephanie Staples:
I really like projects. I would miss going to the gym. But if I was training for something, I wouldn't miss a training thing. I like having that carrot in front of my nose. I work really well having a little project or a little something on the go, whereas if it's just left to my own devices, it's like meh. But if I've got a deadline or something like that, I'd like to have something to work on.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
When you think about extraordinary people, think about some extraordinary people in your life, what are a couple of traits that you would identify in them?
Stephanie Staples:
I'm going to say your kindness. It's not all those initials after their names or how many years they went to school. It's a lot of those kind of soft skills that are just really kind people that want to make the world a better place. And they're very true to their own hearts. They're true to their own values. They're true to their own purpose. And not everybody's going to agree with them, but they're going in the direction that they believe they're meant to go. And I really, really admire people that do that and don't just go where what is expected of them or what people think they should do. They fearlessly go to what they believe is the best thing. And I think that's a very admirable quality.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And so you're describing this to me and I'm thinking of you, right?
Stephanie Staples:
Well, thank you.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
I mean, in this conversation, I mean you've really shared with us today that you're in the business of nice and that you're living your truth. You're living your ideal life, doing what you know you are meant to do, and probably feeling very rewarded just personally being able to walk that path. Is that fair?
Stephanie Staples:
I do. Have you heard that concept of ikigai? My understanding of it is that intersection between what you love, what the world needs, and what you're good at.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And what you can get paid for.
Stephanie Staples:
Right. Well, so what the world needs is kind of that will pay for it, right?
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Yeah.
Stephanie Staples:
And sometimes we're lucky enough to get paid for it, and sometimes it's a side hustle, or it's a hobby, and that's okay too.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And it's not about money. I mean, it's not always about that.
Stephanie Staples:
There's all sorts of research that shows. We need that certain amount to be comfortable and to not have money be a big issue in our lives. I think it's 75 grand, I think is the latest number of research. After that number you're not ... those people aren't that much happier.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
In the very first episode of Contrary to Ordinary, I sat down with John Kois and we discussed how the Kois Center was an extension of his passion. In many ways, he is the perfect example of this concept of ikigai. However, sometimes on the road to achieving ikigai, we have to allocate our time more, and some aspects of our lives might have to take a backseat as a result. It might be work versus family or downtime versus taking on more projects. I wonder where Stephanie stands on the idea of work-life balance.
Stephanie Staples:
I feel like I'm a bit of a contrary motivational speaker because I don't know as I believe that it is true. I believe it is a cyclical sort of thing, but generally overall, I want us to be in that area where we are taking extremely good care of ourselves most of the time, and that we are emulating that to people that we live with and people that we are raising and we are showing them what it looks like, not just telling them to take care of yourself. We are showing them what that looks like.
Most of us in our business, it's a cyclical thing. There are busier times, there are times when we must focus on this and there are times when we must really focus on family. And I think it's not a single person deciding this. It's a team effort.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
It's not this horizontal line.
Stephanie Staples:
It is not a horizontal, yes.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
It's more kind of a wave.
Stephanie Staples:
But it's that communication part. It's that kindness part. It's all that. It drives me crazy when people have so many gifts and opportunities and blessings and things, and they are complaining incessantly about, "We're taking our kids to sports, and the time and the ... " What a privilege it is to be able to take your kid to sport, to be able to have that time in the car with your kid, to be able to afford to put your kid in team things, like on and on I could go about that. But then it's a lot about our mindset. If you're going to decide, "I just have no work-life," well then you're not going to have any work-life balance. But if you make a decision, I need to make this a priority.
When you change your mindset, little visible antennas pop up out of the back of your head and they start looking for solutions. We need to be more solution focused as a team, as a unit, as a family. How can we move toward this together instead of one person just paddling like mad and then one day we just explode or we are in the basement-
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Or you collapse.
Stephanie Staples:
Yeah, you collapse.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Yeah. If you can be better, a better person and make that area better, you impact the world. It's like the ripple effect. If you're only just focused on the negative, you never see a solution.
As I think about and look at extraordinary people, do you think that's something that we're born with being extraordinary, people are born that way, or is it something that they learn or is it something that it's a place that they kind of choose to go to with their life? Or is it maybe a combination of all three of those?
Stephanie Staples:
Yes.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Okay. So yeah, yeah.
Stephanie Staples:
I'm just going to say yes.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Okay, so yes what?
Stephanie Staples:
I'm going to answer that because you told me that everybody that sat in this chair, they didn't think. And I think the same thing. There's nothing extraordinary. I'm just living my life. I'm just doing my thing. That's what everybody thinks.
I'm sure there are some people that set out with this like, "Oh, I must do this and I must conquer and I must." I'm sure there's some people like that, and I'm sure there's many more of us who just accidentally fall into, "Well, that's awesome that you think my life is extraordinary or whatever. I'm glad to be inspirational to somebody. But I think most of us just kind of fell into it I'm going to guess."
I guess so. I think for me, I felt like there was something more. There was something different, something better. And I didn't know what it was. I had a nice husband. I had a nice kids. I had a nice job. I had a nice, nice, nice, nice whatever, but I felt like there was something missing. And so I would say to your listeners, if you feel like that, there is probably a reason you feel like that and start paying attention. We kept talking about self-awareness. What do you love? What part of the newspaper do you pick up first? In the bookstore what area do you go? What excites you?
I do. So I don't need to be a seven figure speaker, but maybe somebody else does. So whatever it is you want to do in your practice or in your life, in your family life, people that are raising their kids, maybe they're homeschooling, maybe they're traveling for a year, whatever it is, they see other people do, they often think, "Well, it's easy for them or simple for them." I could never do that. I just moved to an island. I just picked up everything and moved to an island. People are, "It must be nice." Well, I gave up. Everything comes at a cost.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
For people to say, "Must be nice." And you go, "Yeah, it is nice."
Stephanie Staples:
It actually really is nice, but it comes at a cost. So I'm just saying before we just let those words roll out of our lips, "Oh, it must be nice. Oh, it's easy for them," maybe. But maybe also they have planned this and worked toward this and are leaning into what they love.
And if there's something you love, maybe you can't do it to the nth degree, but maybe you can do it to some degree. So just because we really like doing things at 8, 9, 10, I am here waving the flag for like four, five, and six. What can you do at four, five and six? I don't know. I've had a lot of luck with four, five and six.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And so really you're living a life intentionally and you've kind of designed it.
Stephanie Staples:
Even before creating this life that's been very intentional is creating a me that is very intentional, that it's like, "Well, I don't like that person that I was before and I want to create a me that I want to spend the rest of my life with." And all of a sudden, you know what? People find that me really
interesting now and really fun to be around.
Nobody invited me on a podcast when I was before, but I created a me that I wanted to be around, which led me capable to create a life that I want to live.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Yeah. I think I'm hearing from you also a level of self-awareness. You had the episode where you crashed in the basement floor. Being able to wake up from that and go, "Something is wrong. Something's seriously wrong with my life and I need to make a change. I got to figure out what that is." But being self-aware enough to say, "I'm not happy," or, "I don't feel centered in what I'm doing," and then say, "I want to make this change and I want to proceed forward and go do that." I think self-awareness is probably a trait of extraordinary people.
Stephanie Staples:
I would say that's right up there. And tomorrow we're going to talk about that in our emotional intelligence thing.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Emotional intelligence is so important to increasing wellbeing. Sometimes burnout creeps up on us because we simply haven't paid attention to the signs. Stephanie inspires so many people to be better, but I wonder who inspires her.
Stephanie Staples:
Honestly, what inspires me most is somebody that I just passed by. Oh, I was playing my ukulele in the ladies' room. They had a little bench and I was just like, "Oh, I'll just play my ukulele." I had hours to kill. This lady's washing her hands. She comes by and she gives me a dollar. She tried to give me a dollar. I'm like, "Oh God, no. I don't want any." She's like, "Oh no, but it's so lovely," like, "Here, take it." And I was like, "Oh God." I was so embarrassed, was like, "I'm not busking. I was just sitting in a corner in the bathroom just killing time."
Dr. Kim Kutch:
This could be a new career for you. You should put a hat out and feed it with ... seed it with a couple of dollars and then just see what happens.
Stephanie Staples:
There you go. I might be a wealthy speaker after all. But this lady insisted-
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Yeah, the ladies' room singer. I heard that's what they called her, yeah.
Stephanie Staples:
So I took her money. I made her sign the bill, and this woman, she worked at one of the fast food kiosks. She handed me $10. She probably only made $10 an hour. You know what I mean? That inspires me, somebody like that.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Who noticed you and you made a difference in their life and wanted you to know that. What a sweet moment.
Stephanie Staples:
Yeah. I haven't thought about that in a long time. So thanks for bringing that to my mind. But when I think about things that inspire me, that's the kind of things that inspire me.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Cool.
Stephanie Staples:
And that happens every day everywhere. You don't have to know famous people or be interviewing people or whatever else. Just look around and talk to people. Just be interested in people.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
We don't talk to our neighbors anymore. We don't talk to each other. And that's one of the things that concerns me is I have teenage grandchildren and they're on their phones and they're sitting next to each other, texting each other. And I'm like, "You know it's a lot easier just to turn to somebody and go, 'Hey, did you hear this story I heard the other day?' Or, 'Hey, what do you think about this or that?'" I kind of worry, we're losing our skill at communication.
Stephanie Staples:
Let me tell you, it's not just the teenagers, but here's one thing. So we're talking about this conference, and so I'll ask tomorrow, who are you sitting beside? Is it all people from your office? Shame on you. You're at a conference. I love you and I'll see you at work. And let's cross-pollinate ideas that we're all going to learn. Sit with somebody different.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Yeah. Meet somebody new.
Stephanie Staples:
Challenge yourself to reach out to somebody.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
It's an opportunity to network.
Stephanie Staples:
It's a huge opportunity, but we sit with the person we know and we don't want to offend anybody. But just what if you did say like, "Hey, how about in this we each go to a different session. We come back and we cross-pollinate our ideas?" Or, "How about in this session you sit on this side, I'll sit on this side, we'll see who we meet, and then we can introduce each other later." There's so many opportunities at things like this.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
What's the plan for the rest of your life at this point then? What does that look like?
Stephanie Staples:
Well, that's a large question. What's the plan for the rest of your life? I don't know. I think I'm happy doing what I'm doing.
These dental conferences, they're a little incestuous, right? You speak at one and then the next, then the next. And I've been going into dental practices. And I think that takes a special kind of leader that understands giving your staff the gift of professional development and staff that have worked together for years and years and they're like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't know that about you." Helping them connect on a different level. So I would love to do more of that and not just the conferences and the big groups. The big groups is great, but really to be able to coach the practices is a really untapped area.
You've got good employees. Believe in them. Sharpen their skills. Increase their emotional intelligence. Have them create an experience. We talked about transformation or transactional for your patients. So why does my friend drive by seven dental offices to get to the one half an hour away from her house? You know why? Because they treat her in a way that makes her feel special and important and cared about.
You want to create an experience for your people that work for you and your clients and patients that come to you. And you can only do that if you're in a great spot yourself too. So I hope I just get to keep doing more of what I'm doing.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And be a really important lolly. Is that a Canadian term, lolly?
Stephanie Staples:
No, it's a Stephanie term, but my husband wanted to be called pops, and I'm like, "I need something that goes good with pops." So it was either tootsie or lolly. So I'm like ...
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Okay, now I'm following the logic here, right?
Stephanie Staples:
That's right.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Lolly, I like that. But I love that, lolly.
Stephanie Staples:
But I pictured the kids saying, "Okay, Lolly and Pops are picking me up from school." And I'm like, how can we not be the fun grandparents when we're called like ...
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Oh, lolly and pop.
Stephanie Staples:
When I just hear that little four-year-old voice, "Lolly, lolly, lolly," I'm like, "Yes, Noah," it's awesome.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
And easy for them to say too.
Stephanie Staples:
Yes. It's a win. You know what? Lifestyle I feel like professionally fulfilled, I feel personally fulfilled and I feel very blessed to be where I'm at at this moment. And I hope I can spread a little of that love around. And thank you for noticing that it's contagious, so that's good.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
Well, thank you so much, Steph, for being with me today here on Contrary to Ordinary. I've really enjoyed our conversation. What a fabulous time we've had. Thank you for being with us.
Stephanie Staples:
Thank you for having me. And here's what I'm going to say to your listeners. One of my favorite things to do is hijack the podcast host. So if you want me to come back and interview Kim, put him on the other side of this mic, you just put a little comment in there, and that's what we'll do. Doubt all his stories.
Dr. Kim Kutch:
I would absolutely love to be interviewed by Stephanie. Stay tuned for her possible return as a guest host on Contrary to Ordinary!
Stephanie was such a fantastic guest. Her commitment to enabling others to make their own lives better is so inspiring. We could really benefit from having more people like her in the world. Thank you so much to Stephanie Staples for being a shining light for so many people who are in the business of being nice.
And thank you for coming on this journey with me today. Around here we aim to inspire and create connections. We can't do it without you. If this conversation moved you, made you smile or scratched that little itch of curiosity today, please share it with the extraordinary people in your life. And if you do one thing today, let it be extraordinary.