Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells classic stories to Spark and Vector, two silly robots who have read the entire internet but still don’t understand humans. Like, what are hot dogs and… why? And what’s up with wearing pants?
Season one tells the original fairy tales behind the famous animated films: the real Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Aladdin, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast and The Snow Queen, the way Hans Christian Andersen, the Brothers Grimm and others first told them.
About 20 minutes an episode: perfect for car rides, road trips or a story before bed. A funny podcast for kids and adults alike, great for kids listening on their own and even better together. New episodes every Thursday. Free and ad-free.
Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show’s music is made with AI tools.
Griffin: Welcome to Stories for Robots.
I'm Griffin Schwed, your
host and storyteller.
Join me as I share some of humanity's most
timeless tales with two silly robots who
are trying to understand human culture by
exploring fairy tales, folklore, and
historical events from around the world.
In Season 1, we're diving into stories
you know, or at least you think you do.
We're going back to the original
versions of classic tales made
famous by animated movies.
But these original stories
are pretty different from the
versions you grew up with.
My two robot friends have no
idea what's coming, and honestly,
you probably don't either.
Ready to meet them?
Okay, everyone.
Why don't you introduce yourselves?
Vector: Greetings.
I am Vector.
I am interested in human
customs and traditions.
Fun fact: did you know that some humans
like to make a meal of their own boogers?
They pick them and eat them
and find them delicious.
Griffin: Well, I don't know if that's
totally true, but let's move on.
Spark?
Spark: Yes.
I'm Spark, and I am
so excited to be here.
I love humans.
I'm really interested in human emotions.
As robots, we're, like, totally
perfect and know everything and
have great judgment, but I just
love how humans are always falling
in love and messing everything
up and making terrible decisions.
It's so cute.
Vector: I also applaud humans
for navigating the world in
their awkward flesh-based bodies.
Good for you.
Metal is superior.
I enjoy a titanium blend…
Griffin: Thank you.
That's enough metal talk, Vector.
Okay, today's story is The Little Mermaid,
written by Hans Christian Andersen in
Denmark nearly 200 years ago in 1836.
Now, Andersen had an interesting
path to becoming a writer.
His father, Hans Andersen, let's
call him Big Hans, was a shoemaker.
He didn't make a lot of money,
and he kinda hated his job, but
he had this huge imagination.
So Big Hans spent most of his
free time reading to Little Hans,
inventing stories and putting on
plays in a homemade puppet theater.
Unfortunately, Big Hans died when
Little Hans was just 11 years old.
Spark: Vector, are you crying?
Vector: I am not crying.
You are crying.
Robots do not cry.
Griffin: mm-hmm.
The silver lining is that little
Hans was hooked on telling stories.
A lot of his stories include themes like
loneliness and feeling like an outsider.
Spark: Does that make them more
relatable even though they're kinda sad?
Vector: Not to me.
I have lots of friends.
Spark: Really?
Like who besides me?
Vector: So many.
Can't possibly count.
Well, there's Blinky,
Metal Boy, Maximo 12000-
Griffin: All right, Vector, that's enough.
We believe you.
So without further ado,
let's dive right in.
Vector: Awesome swimming pun detected.
Griffin: Thanks, buddy.
This story begins deep,
deep under the ocean.
Vector: Blub, blub, blub.
Griffin: Wait, Vector, what are you doing?
Vector: I am doing the sound effects.
Griffin: No, Vector, I'll do that later.
You just listen.
Vector: Okay… blub.
Griffin: Vector.
Okay.
As I mentioned, this story
begins deep under the ocean.
Here, at the very bottom of the sea,
there's a kingdom of happy merpeople
ruled by a powerful old Mer-King.
Now, the Mer-King's wife died long
ago, so his mother runs the palace.
And the Mer-King has six daughters
who are pretty much the boss of him.
And while each daughter is beautiful
and charming, the youngest is most
beautiful and charming of all.
Spark: Love that for her.
Does she have a name?
Griffin: Nope.
Anderson never gives her one.
She's just the little mermaid
or the youngest princess
throughout the whole story.
Spark: Weird.
Vector: Yes.
Most humans have names, even
if they make no sense, like
Keith or Jennifer or Dingus.
Griffin: Dingus isn't… Eh, never mind.
Anyway, the palace is magnificent.
It has these huge halls where
flowers and colorful corals
grow right out of the walls.
And the princesses love to open the
windows so that fish swim in and out, like
birds might if we left our windows open.
Vector: That is unhygienic.
Fun fact: pigeons are the
trash cans of the open skies.
Griffin: Harsh but fair, Vector.
Anyway, the Little Mermaid is
obsessed with the human world.
She thinks about them all the time.
Spark: OMG, me too.
Like, why do some humans have so much hair
while others have such shiny bald heads?
Griffin: Spark, stay focused.
The Little Mermaid is
not thinking about that.
But because she's so curious, she
spends hours with her grandmother
asking about everything.
By the time she's a teenager,
she knows pretty much all
there is to know about humans.
But she's never met one or even
seen one, because in the mer
kingdom, you're not allowed to go
to the surface until you're fifteen.
This is especially frustrating for the
Little Mermaid because she's the youngest.
After years of waiting,
the day finally arrives.
But before she can go up, there's
a whole long ceremony she has to
sit through where her grandmother
decorates her tail with seashells.
Spark: No offense,
Granny, but shake a leg.
This girl needs to get to the surface!
Griffin: The Little Mermaid agrees,
and as soon as the ceremony is
done, she races to the surface.
She arrives just as the sun is setting.
The clouds are pink and gold.
The air is warm and still.
Right next to her is a large ship,
barely moving in the calm evening.
And the people on the
ship are having a party.
Music is playing, everyone is
singing, and as it gets dark, they
light hundreds of colored lanterns.
The Little Mermaid swims right up to
the cabin windows, and every time a
wave lifts her, she can peek inside.
Among the partygoers, she spots a
handsome young prince with big, dark eyes.
It's his 16th birthday,
and the party is for him.
Vector: Total hunk alert.
Spark: Ooh, they share a birthday.
So romantic.
I wonder what sign they are.
Griffin: When the prince comes on
deck, they shoot off fireworks.
The Little Mermaid has
never seen fireworks before.
At first, she's terrified
and ducks underwater.
But eventually, she peeks back up
and sees the sky filled with streaks
of light, spinning wheels of fire,
and explosions of every color.
She's mesmerized, not just by the
fireworks, but by the prince himself.
Spark: Oh yeah, she's in love.
Griffin: She watches for
hours as they celebrate.
Even when the party winds down, she
can't stop staring at the prince.
And then she notices something.
The waves are getting bigger.
The wind is picking up.
Dark clouds are gathering.
The sailors rush to take down the sails.
The ship is rocking violently.
Then, crack, lightning splits the sky.
The waves are as tall as mountains
now, lifting the ship up and
dropping it into valleys of water.
The mast snaps in half.
Water pours into the ship, and the
little mermaid is having a great time.
Spark: Uh, what now?
Vector: I see, mermaids hate humans.
Griffin: No, no, no.
It's not because she hates humans.
It's because mermaids love storms.
She's having such a great time riding
the waves and watching the show.
But then she remembers, humans can't
breathe underwater, and they're
not that great at swimming either.
If the ship sinks, everyone will
drown, including the prince.
She sees him in the water struggling.
He's strong, but his arms
and legs are getting tired.
All of a sudden, he's sinking.
Spark: Save him.
Do it.
Use your big, beautiful tail.
Vector: Yes, save him.
His inferior non-metal
body is puny and weak.
Griffin: Vector, come
on, we're land animals.
Anyway, she does save him.
She dives through the falling planks
and sinking debris, grabs the prince,
and holds his head above water.
All night long, she swims with
him in her arms, keeping him
alive while the storm rages.
Just as she's losing her strength, the
sun begins to rise, and she sees land.
Despite her weariness,
she's dazzled by the scene.
Mountains capped with snow, green forests,
and a white building near the beach with
lemon and orange trees in the garden.
It's more beautiful than she'd imagined.
She swims the prince to shore and
carefully places him on the warm sand.
She looks down at him lovingly, but
can't tell whether he's dead or alive.
Vector: She should try turning him off
and then on again, or blow on him, or
put him in an enormous bowl of rice.
Griffin: If only it were
that simple, Vector.
All of a sudden, she hears people coming.
She quickly swims behind some rocks
and covers herself with seafoam
so that no one will see her.
She's worried she'll
scare them if they do.
A beautiful young woman comes out of
the building and finds the prince.
She leans over to see if he's
alive, and the prince wakes up.
Gazing up at this beautiful
other woman, he smiles.
He thinks she saved him.
Spark: What?
What a faker.
Little mermaid, you saved him.
Tell him!
Griffin: She can't bring
herself to do anything.
She's worried he'll be afraid of
her, so she keeps hidden as the
other woman takes the prince inside.
Finally, she swims back to
her kingdom, heartbroken.
Back home, she becomes quiet and sad.
Her sisters ask what she saw up
there, but she won't tell them.
She goes back to that beach again
and again, but she never sees him.
Her only comfort is sitting alone
in a little garden she keeps.
Every day, she cries and hugs
a statue of a young boy she
rescued from a sunken ship.
Spark: That is the saddest thing ever.
Oh, oh!
Let me guess.
The statue turns into, like, a
merman version of the prince, and
they fall in love and get married
and have lots of little merbabies
and live happily ever after.
The end.
Griffin: Well, not quite.
But she does finally tell her
sisters about what happened.
And luckily, one of them knows who
the prince is and where he lives.
Once the little mermaid finds his
palace, she goes there every night,
swimming right up into a little
river that flows under his balcony.
She watches him standing in the
moonlight and sailing in his boat.
Sometimes she even follows fishing
boats just to hear the humans talk
about how wonderful the prince is.
Vector: I see.
When a human loves another human, it
is normal to creepily stare at them
and follow them around everywhere.
Spark: Hmm.
Maybe not totally normal, but she's
in love, so I'm gonna give her a pass.
And this is perfect for her.
Oh, oh, she's totally gonna sing to
him while he's hanging out on the
balcony, and then he'll lean super
far over and fall in headfirst, and
then he'll be all wet and drowning and
looking really good, and she'll save him.
And then they'll smooch and
high-five, and he'll fall completely
in love with her and get married.
The end.
Griffin: Good guess, but no.
As the little mermaid watches the
prince, she becomes more and more
fascinated with the human world.
It seems so much bigger and
more exciting than the ocean.
She has so many questions.
Vector: Yes, me too.
Like, what is up with pants?
Griffin: Right.
Anyway, one day, she asks her
grandmother, "Do humans live
forever?" " No," says Grandmother.
"Humans are like babies compared to us.
We live for three hundred years.
The only problem is that when
we die, we turn into sea foam.
We don't have immortal souls.
Humans die sooner, but their
souls live forever in the stars.
Lucky for us, we have gorgeous tails,
and they have ugly feet." The little
mermaid is devastated. " Why don't
we have souls?" "We just don't. But
we live longer, and we're happier,
and we're better looking and can
sing better, too," says Grandmother.
"
Vector: I like this granny.
Griffin: The little mermaid asks, "Is
there any way for a mermaid to get a
soul?" " Only one way," Grandmother says.
" If a human loved you more than
anything, more than their parents,
more than their own life, and if they
married you, then their soul would
flow into you and you'd share it.
But that's impossible.
Humans think our tails are ugly.
They love their legs."
Spark: Rude.
Vector: Also confusing
because legs are weird.
Have you ever looked at a
toe with those tiny nails?
Freaky.
Griffin: Okay, also rude.
Anyway, so that night, the king
throws a huge party at the palace.
As usual, the little mermaid is asked
to sing because everyone knows she
has the best voice in the kingdom.
And when she finishes, the
ballroom erupts with applause.
Vector: I too have an
excellent singing voice.
La, la, la, la…
Spark: No!
Griffin: Thank you, Spark.
In that moment, the little mermaid
is almost happy, but she can't
stop thinking about the prince
and the soul she'll never have.
So while everyone celebrates,
she sneaks out and heads to the
home of the infamous Sea Witch.
Now, nobody goes to the Sea Witch's
neighborhood, and for good reason.
It's past a bunch of massive whirlpools
that suck in anything that gets too close.
And if you get past those,
you enter a forest of polypi.
Now, these are super gross, half
plant, half animal things that you
do not want to mess around with.
They look kind of like trees, except
instead of a trunk, it's a giant
sea snake with razor-sharp teeth.
Oh, and instead of branches, it's
hundreds of slimy arms that grab
and kill anything that passes.
Spark: I will never look at
trees the same way again.
Vector: It would be cooler
if it had laser arms.
Griffin: Mm-hmm.
The little mermaid is
terrified but determined.
She ties her hair up tight so the polypi
can't grab it, crosses her arms over
her chest, and swims as fast as she can.
She sees the polypi holding bones
of drowned sailors, ship parts,
and worst of all, a dead mermaid.
But the little mermaid never quits.
Finally, she reaches a clearing
where she finds a house made of human
bones collected from shipwrecks.
And there is the sea witch, letting
a toad eat from her mouth while
poisonous snakes crawl all over her.
Oh, and by the way, she calls
the snakes her "little chickens".
Vector: This must be
customary in mermaid culture.
Spark: Nope, hard pass.
Griffin: Yeah, no, it's messed
up even in mermaid culture.
" I know what you want," says the
witch right away. "You want legs.
You want that prince.
You want a soul.
It is very stupid of you, but I'll help
you, even though it will probably destroy
you." The witch explains the deal.
She'll make a potion that will
split the mermaid's tail into
legs, but there's a catch.
Every step will feel like
walking on sharp knives.
She'll still be graceful.
In fact, she'll be the best dancer
anyone's ever seen, but it's
gonna be really, really painful.
" Also," says the witch, "once you become
human, you can never be a mermaid again.
If the prince marries someone else, the
morning after his wedding, your heart
will break, and you'll turn into seafoam.
And one last little
thing," says the witch,
"
My payment, it's not much.
I want your voice.
I'll have to take your tongue."
Spark: What in the…
Griffin: What is that sound?
Vector: Sorry, I sat on one of my buttons.
Griffin: Spark, what were you saying?
Spark: I was asking, what in
the world is she thinking?
What kind of deal is that?
Vector: The deal is she gets legs
and a chance to earn a soul in
exchange for eternal pain, no
tongue, no speaking, no way to turn
back into a mermaid, and immediate
death if he marries someone else.
Does that answer your question?
Spark: It was a rhetorical
question, Vector.
No need to answer.
Vector: I like to answer.
Spark: She's not really
gonna do this, is she?
Griffin: Let's find out "But
then how will I win the prince?"
asks the little mermaid.
" You will have your beauty, your
grace, your expressive eyes.
That should be enough," says the witch.
Spark: That does not sound like enough.
Griffin: Personally, I agree, but
the Little Mermaid is determined to
make it work, so she takes the deal.
Spark: Noooooo.
Oh, oh, maybe she actually has
her fingers and, like, flippers
crossed, and she tricks the witch,
and she gets her super cool legs,
but none of the terrible stuff.
Right?
Please say yes.
Griffin: The witch makes the potion.
She throws in snakes, poisonous toads,
and all kinds of horrible things.
She cuts her own chest and
drips her black blood into it.
The steam makes shapes like
screaming ghosts, and when it's
done, it looks clear as water.
Then the witch takes the
little mermaid's tongue.
Spark: She really did it.
Vector: I am going to be sick.
Ha ha, just kidding.
Only puny humans get sick.
Griffin: Mm-hmm.
Now, the little mermaid
can't speak or sing.
She takes the potion and swims
back through the forest of polypi.
This time, they're so scared of
the potion, they shrink away from
her, and she passes through easily.
Back at the palace, the party is over.
Everyone's asleep.
The little mermaid wants to say
goodbye, but she can't even speak.
So with tears in her eyes, she
swims up to the human world.
Vector: I wonder how much of the
ocean is made of mermaid tears.
Griffin: That's a
delightfully weird question.
Vector: Thank you.
Griffin: It's probably
a really small amount.
But here's the bad news.
Spark: The prince is actually a merman?
Griffin: What?
No.
That's the end of episode one.
Spark: What?!
Vector: Come on.
Griffin: I know, I know.
But don't worry.
In episode two, you'll hear
the second half of the story.
Oh, at the end-
Spark: No spoilers, please.
Griffin: I wasn't gonna.
Vector: You are a terrible liar.
Griffin: Hey, if you enjoyed this
episode of Stories for Robots,
take a minute to support the show.
First, follow the show
wherever you're listening.
Spark: Oh yeah, do that now.
It takes, like, three seconds.
Griffin: Second, please, please,
please share the show or this episode
with anyone you think might enjoy it.
Vector: Yes, hit that
school WhatsApp chat.
Spark: Oh!
Or post to that parenting Facebook group.
Vector: Or text your cousin Billy,
whose kids watch too much YouTube.
Griffin: And finally, give
the show a five-star rating
wherever you're listening.
Spark: That's it?
Griffin: That's it.
Thanks for making it possible
to keep this show coming.
Vector: Stories for Robots
was created by Griffin Schwed.
Special thanks to Jack, Chloe,
and Annie Farber for editorial
consultation and moral support.
This episode was written and
produced by Griffin Schwed.
Griffin Schwed is the editor with
editing help from Griffin Schwed.
Voices are performed by Griffin Schwed.
Hey, these credits are ridiculous.
I'm not reading these.
Spark: Yeah, why would you
write them this way, dude?
You could just say Griffin
Schwed created the show.
Griffin: If you'd like to support
or learn more about the show,
visit www.storiesforrobots.com.
Email hello@storiesforrobots.com
if you have questions,
feedback, or ideas for the show.
I'd love to hear from you.
Vector: Robot disclosure.
My voice and Spark's voice
are given a beautiful robot
makeover using AI technology.
That is why we sound so cool and good.
Spark: We really do.
Oh, and the background music
was also created using AI tech.