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Welcome to The Guri Show, your go-to podcast for retreat leaders, coaches, and transformation seekers who are ready to create thriving businesses while embracing self-healing, wellness, and personal growth. Hosted by Guri Kaur, this show is your space to learn how to design life-changing retreats, confidently sell your offers, and master the mindset shifts needed to create abundance and impact.
Each episode dives deep into actionable strategies, personal insights, and soulful practices that combine business growth with inner transformation. From self-healing techniques and wellness rituals to powerful tools for scaling your coaching programs, we’ll help you align your purpose, your profits, and your peace.
Whether you’re building your first retreat or scaling to six figures and beyond, The Guri Show is your space to dream big, transform yourself, and empower others to do the same.
Tune in, grow your business, heal your soul, and create the legacy you’re destined for. Let’s thrive together!
Guri Kaur (00:02)
I remember this moment during working with one of my coaching clients. I was exhausted, completely drained. I had spent every single session making the client comfortable bending over backward to accommodate every request, adjusting the curriculum based on the
based on clients needs, staying up late to make sure that my curriculum is up to date, behind the scenes I'm doing everything, making sure that when I go on the call next time, I have all the preparation done and everything, over delivering and all of that. Now, when all of those things sound good to me and good to you as well, here's the thing that's going to change your perspective.
By the end of it, instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt resentful. That's when I had to face the hard truth. I wasn't giving. I was people pleasing. And it was costing me everything. If you've ever felt like no matter how much you give, it's never enough, this episode is for you.
Welcome back to the Guri podcast, the space where we deep dive, dive deep into what it really takes to building a fulfilling, sustainable business and a lifestyle. I'm your host. We are having an important conversation about something that I know so many of us struggle with. The difference between people pleasing and authentic giving.
If you've ever caught yourself saying yes when you really meant no. If you've ever poured into your clients, your participants only to feel completely depleted at the end of it. If you've ever felt that quiet resentment creep in after doing something for someone else, you're not alone. Here's the thing.
People pleasing in true generosity may look similar on the outside, but inside they come from completely different places. One is rooted in fear, fear of rejection, fear of not being enough, fear of disappointing others. The other, it comes from abundance, from knowing who you are, standing firm in your boundaries and giving in a way
that feels aligned, not exhausting. I want you to let that sink in for a second. Okay. And I'm going to give you a quick thought, quick question. And I want you to pause this episode and just give it a quick thought of what this question and the answer to this question means to you.
So how often do you give because you truly want to?
And how often do you give because you feel like you have to? Let me repeat that for you. Let that sink in for a second. Pause this episode. Give this as much thought as you want to. If you want, can also journal whatever thoughts are coming up for you. How often do you give because you truly want to? And how often do you give because you feel like you have to?
And today we are going to unpack it all. I'm going to break down the real reason people pleasing feel so heavy, why it's a hard habit to break, and most importantly, how to shift into the art of true giving. Giving from a place of power, not pressure.
So if you're ready to stop over giving, reclaim your energy and create a deeper impact in your work, stay with me because this episode might just change the way you lead forever. Awesome.
Now, before we go into the next section, I have another journal prompt for you and I want you to give it some time. There's a couple of journal prompts in this episode because I want you to not just take this from like a surface level, but approach this from a very deeper perspective, like go deeper into yourself to find answers for yourself. This is if you just listen to it, it'll probably just won't stick.
You would probably listen to it and probably just go fade into the air. But I don't want that. I want you to go deeper and really heal from the din, like really seek the answer for what I'm asking you in this episode. Awesome. So the journal prompters like think of a recent time when you said yes to something you didn't want to do.
And then, why did you say yes? What were you afraid would happen if you said no? Now if you need to, again, pause this episode for a moment and write down your answer or just sit with it and reflect whatever works for you in the moment. Awesome. Now I hope that you're back with your answers. Okay.
Let's start the conversation by talking about people pleasing, what people pleasing actually is and how it shows up in the work we do as business owners, as partners, as coaches, as whatever, as self healers, you know. So there's a quote I love by Dr. Brenny Brown that says, daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves.
even when we risk disappointing others. This is at the heart of people-pleasing, the fear of disappointing others. Now, I won't be surprised if you already know this, that people-pleasing often stems from a desire to be liked, to be accepted or validated by those around us.
Now in our line of work, whichever line of work it is, that can mean saying yes to every request from a client or from a participant, even our partners, you know, if we are in a relationship and we are just bending over backwards to meet every expectation or putting on a facade to avoid conflict, right?
The way I see it is that people pleasing is ultimately self-serving. We are doing it to manage our own discomfort or need for approval and not necessarily because it serves others. So it's like giving from an empty cup. And yet for so many of us, this pattern runs deep.
Maybe because you were raised to be the nice one, the helper, the fixer. Maybe you learned that saying no led to punishment, guilt, or rejection. Over time, people-pleasing just became a survival strategy for you. What no one tells us is that people-pleasing isn't generosity, it's self-abandonment.
So when you constantly put others needs before your own, you slowly disappear. You know, our energy drains, know, resentment builds up and our ability to show up fully, whether for yourself, for your clients, the people you love begins to fade. And I like to think of people pleasing as being a chameleon. You constantly adjust.
right? Shifting your colors to fit the expectations of all those around you. But here's the problem. When you do that for too long, you start to forget what your own true colors even look like. So don't be a chameleon. Be a human, okay? Be an aligned human. Now, does this resonate with you?
Do you ever feel like you're constantly adjusting yourself to meet other people's If you had to describe yourself without thinking about how others see you, what would that look like?
Okay, here's another journaling prompt for you. What I want you to do is I want you to make a list of moments in your life when you felt truly authentic. Who were you with? What were you doing? And how did it feel? I want you to list everything down on a piece of paper or on Google Doc, whatever works for you, but just do it, okay? Now.
On the other hand, there's what I call the art of giving. This is where we choose to serve others, not out of fear or need for validation, but from a place of fullness, clarity, and purpose.
I love giving, you know, and I enjoy it so much, especially when it is grounded in generosity, without strings attached. Let me tell you, I'm giving you an example, an analogy, sorry, an analogy.
Giving, true authentic giving, generous giving, is like a well-tended garden. You give what you have in abundance, knowing that your needs are always met and trusting that the right people will find nourishment there. Okay, now here's what I want you to consider. You can give fully without over-giving.
Yeah, that should be the highlight of this episode. You can give fully without over giving.
Giving should feel expansive, not contractive. When we overextend ourselves, we risk losing touch with our deeper purpose. People can sense when our actions come from a place of fear or desperation instead of genuine generosity. Again, like...
I can tell you from my own life that there have been many, many, many times before Viraha I have overextended myself and a lot of times it came from people pleasing and a lot of times it came from authentic giving. And now I can easily make that difference. I'm not perfect. I'm still learning and still growing, but it's just, it has just come to this point where it has become easier for me to kind of differentiate.
between where I'm kind of coming from people-pleasing and where it's like really authentic. And oftentimes I can tell you whenever when I'm coming from an authentic place it never feels like what am I going to get in return from this person or like you know is this person going to help me in future is this you know something like that.
I'll give you a recent example which is probably not related to business but it's definitely related to my daily life, my regular life. I have this value, this principle, this rule that...
So I don't believe in refunds, okay? If I buy something that I feel is probably I'm not gonna use it, like I didn't like, I brought it home but I didn't like it, I would rather give it to someone who can use it, who will like it, as opposed to going back and refunding it, exchanging it or even refunding the whole thing.
So again, it's not always 100 % true, but 100 % the case. Like for example, if it's clothes, you know, and I know I can give those clothes to someone else, I would rather do that as opposed to going and changing, unless it's like a size issue or something like that. And so in my business and my life, refunds, they don't exist.
So it's always like, okay, forward, keep going, keep taking the whole thing forward. So there's nothing like backwards. If I'm here, I already did something that means it was meant to be. And so now that means if I have something which I've already bought,
I would rather like, me find, let me see if universe has created an opportunity for some other person through me to be able to have access to that thing. So that's how I think.
That being said, it's not that I'm 100 % of the time I forward things. 98 % of the time, yes. 2%, I like to give myself that flexibility where I'm like, okay, I think I really like this thing and I would rather just change and exchange or maybe like go, then just give it away. Because again, giving it away just because you wanna follow a rule
also self-serving. It's not really generosity. It's really like self-abandonment. Awesome. Now here's a little bit of like how this conversation might be coming to you, kind of like self-talk. And this is how you can differentiate between people-pleasing and authentic giving. So people-pleasing says, I'll do this so they don't get upset with me.
If I give enough, maybe they'll like me more. I don't want them to think I'm selfish. Authentic giving says, I have the energy and desire to do this, so I will. I give because it aligns with my values, not because I'm afraid of rejection.
I can set boundaries and still be a kind, generous person. Awesome. Here's something I think a lot of us need to remember.
Okay, Dr. Gabor Mate Gabor Mate.
I think that's how I'm sorry, Dr. Gabor I love your content. I love you. Sorry if I'm pronouncing your name incorrectly. Dr. Gabor, a leading expert in trauma and self-betrayal, talks about this in his book, When the Body Says No. He explains that when we suppress our own needs for the sake of others, it doesn't just impact our emotional health, it affects our physical health too.
chronic stress, anxiety, burnout, all of these can be linked to constantly putting others ahead of ourselves. And here's the kicker. People-pleasing doesn't even work. No matter how much you bend, adjust, or give, there will always be someone who's disappointed.
You can't control how others feel, And when your self-worth is tied to making others happy, you are giving away your power to everyone but yourself.
Okay, so here's what I want you to do. I want you to pause this episode and I have another journal prompt, journaling prompt for you. And I also have a little bit of like small short exercise for you. So I want you to, for this exercise, well, first off, I want you to take a deep breath in.
relax okay and i want you to check in with your body right now
Can you remember a time when you agreed to something and immediately regretted it?
Where did you feel it? Your shoulders? Your stomach? Your legs? Your chest? Just notice.
When these feelings come up, want you to write them down, journal them.
no judgment, just awareness. And I want you to write down also what emotions came up. What did you feel in your body? Resentment? Exhaustion? Anxiety? How did your body respond?
That being said, we're now going to the last segment of this episode, which is part one of the People Pleasing vs. Art of Authentic Giving series. Okay. So if people pleasing is so draining, why do we keep doing it? Why is it so hard to stop? The answer is deeper than you think.
This pattern didn't come out of nowhere. And so in part two, we are going to break it all down. We'll talk about how to set boundaries without guilt and how to shift into true generosity without feeling selfish. Right?
And I want you, before you go, I want you to leave with one final question. Okay? Over the next few days, just notice, when do you feel the urge to say yes? When you don't want to. Okay? When do you feel the urge to say yes when you don't want to? Where does it show up in your body?
You don't have to do anything with it yet. You don't have to change it yet. Just start noticing. Now, that being said, just wait for the next episode where we dive deeper into this topic.
Part two of the People Pleasing vs. Art of Giving series. That being said, bye bye. I'm your host. Do subscribe, leave a comment if you like this episode. Share it with your people. Bring more people in to this journey. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening. See you soon.