Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Josh and Jenny Meadows run the Abandon Project in Charlotte, North Carolina. The Abandon Project’s mission is to model the love of Jesus to hurting communities who deserve freedom from negative cycles.
Show Notes
_______________
WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
_______________
SHOW NOTES
Josh and Jenny Meadows run The Abandon Project in Charlotte, North Carolina. The Abandon Project’s mission is to model the love of Jesus to hurting communities who deserve freedom from negative cycles.
- Visit their website: theabandonproject.org
- Follow them on instagram: @theabandonproject
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven and I have a special guest with me here today. His name is Josh Meadows and he leads an organization called The Abandon Project in Matthews, North Carolina. I saw that the ZIP code in North Carolina is 281, which that blessed me because my I'm from Houston. And so, Houston's area code is 281.
Speaker 2:Josh, I love the 281. How are you doing today?
Speaker 3:I'm doing great. How are you doing, Steven?
Speaker 2:I'm good, man. Thanks for being on the call and jumping on the podcast. Our podcast is all about, building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus, and I checked out your stuff. And, man, you're doing that. That's that's your lane.
Speaker 2:And so I'm excited to get you to share more about your organization and what you and your wife, Jenny, are doing in North Carolina. So how about you tell our listeners a little bit about you and y'all story, just what's going on in North Carolina.
Speaker 3:For sure. Thanks, Steven. So, yeah, just one quick thing. So our our ministry is actually in Charlotte, North Carolina, but there's a small town, next to Charlotte called Matthews. That's kinda where our post office is.
Speaker 3:And so, I'm
Speaker 2:just a
Speaker 3:small town. But, yeah. So the the abandoned project, we're in actually the east part of Charlotte, and we have been serving in low income communities, which I like to call forgotten communities, for the last, 7 years. So we've been in yeah. We've this will actually, this month will be 8 years that we've actually been working in the neighborhoods.
Speaker 3:So it's been incredible.
Speaker 2:Wow. That's awesome, man. So do you do you follow basketball or anything that's going on in North Carolina? What's what's your thing over there?
Speaker 3:I do follow basketball. So football is a pretty big big, you know, deal here. The Panthers are a little bit bigger than the Hornets, but, you know, we we do go to some Hornets games. We take some kids to some Hornets games. We need a superstar, man.
Speaker 3:We're we're kinda like, you know, we're we're kinda struggling. You know, it's like the Hornets I have friends from Dallas that'll call me and be like, hey. Your team's in town tonight. And I'm like, well, good thing you got Luka because there's nobody on our team to watch. So yeah.
Speaker 3:So we we do root for the Hornets, but, yeah, we need we need some help, man. So
Speaker 2:Okay. So so it's it's the same, the forgotten the forgotten neighborhood,
Speaker 3:the forgotten city. So
Speaker 2:yeah. Come on. Right. That's awesome, man. That's right.
Speaker 2:Well, I wanna hear more about your mission and even even just what what you just said, forgotten did you say forgotten neighborhoods?
Speaker 3:Yes. Forgotten neighborhoods.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So tell me more about what what you mean by that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So Charlotte just to give you a little bit of scope and perspective, Charlotte is, a growing town. Like, we're one of the top 10 fastest growing cities in America. We have an apartment boom going on right now. So there's, like, cranes all over the city.
Speaker 3:Young people, millennials are moving here at a crazy pace. But at the same time, all that, you know, all that exciting stuff is happening. We're also the worst city in the nation in a statistic called upward mobility. And so, Harvard Business did a study a couple years ago and said, hey, out of all the cities, when when people start out in poverty, who is the best city at getting them out of poverty? Who's the worst city at getting them out of poverty?
Speaker 3:So, Charlotte's, like, dead last in the nation. So, in other words, the reason I say forgotten communities, you you know, it's kinda like that statement a long time ago where the bible says, hey. People thought nothing good would ever come out of Nazareth, and then, bam, Jesus came. I think about our neighborhoods a lot of times like that. Our neighbor you know, our city goes from good to bad, like, very expensive neighborhoods, and then bam, we have low income housing, and then it goes back to good neighborhoods.
Speaker 3:And so we're really mixed up. And so it's easy for people to not really see that there are low income neighborhoods that they pass by every day. And I'm sure people drop by and they're like, what's that? Like, you know, can anything good come out of there? Right.
Speaker 3:It's just a lot of kids running around. So what we have have found is that there is so much beauty, beautiful people, beautiful families, tons of potential that are in these neighborhoods that have been, not tapped into. So that's why I like to refer to them as forgotten neighborhoods.
Speaker 2:I love that, man. And I I think mentoring is all about seeing the potential in someone that that might be overlooked or might not have opportunity. And so I I love that. So could you share more about just how your mission aligns with these forgotten communities?
Speaker 3:Yes. So our mission is to model the love of Jesus to hurting communities who deserve freedom from cycles. So, a little bit about, I guess, how The Abandoned Project formed. It really formed in my heart years ago as a little boy. My mother and dad were married until I was 7 years old, or actually 5 years old.
Speaker 3:They got a divorce, and then my dad moved to Chicago. And and we grew up in Asheville, North Carolina. So it's a really beautiful spot in north in the western part of North Carolina with mountains surrounding. I would literally lay in bed at night and see shooting stars, go over mountains. It's really pretty.
Speaker 3:Not a lot of street lights. So I kinda grew up in the country. But I grew up without my father being active in my life because he moved to Chicago. I tell people that God took my, pain and turned it into a purpose. And, you know, funny funny story about about Texas.
Speaker 3:I was on a plane to go speak. I've I've got a relationship with some churches there in in the area. Lake Point, actually. Yeah. And so I got some relationships with some friends from Lake Point.
Speaker 3:I love those guys. And I was going to speak to their youth. And I'm in the airport in Houston, and I actually meet Beth Moore. I, so kind of a weird story. Like, I tweeted at her.
Speaker 3:She tweeted back at me. This is back when I was on Twitter big time. And so then, I'm sitting at my gate thinking I missed my flight, but I'm actually early. And here comes Beth Moore walking down the hall. And she's like, you're the guy that just hit me up on Twitter.
Speaker 3:I'm like, hey, you're Beth Moore. And so she puts her phone down and she goes, tell me your story. And so I began to tell her my story about how I grew up without a father, and now I'm working with these kids in Charlotte. And 90% of the kids in our neighborhoods don't have their dads active, like, either in their household or active in their life. And her eyes got big, and she was like, Psalms 13015.
Speaker 3:Like, in God, there's like full redemption. Like, that's your story. Like, God took your pain and gave you a purpose. And she helped me identify, like, how to actually tell my story to people, and it made sense. So I'm like, okay, that's it.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna tell people God took my pain and turned it into a purpose. So
Speaker 2:That's awesome. Come on, Ben Moore.
Speaker 3:I know. Right? She's she's awesome. So really, really cool encounter there. I'll never forget that.
Speaker 3:It was very, you know, kinda one of those monuments in my life. And so, yeah. When I, you know, kinda grew up without a dad, and I moved to Charlotte back in 2007, just kinda trying to figure out, like, who I was. And at the time, I was an insurance agent. So I was working in, you know, as an insurance agent, and one of my my clients who now is on my staff, this lady named miss Cathy, was like, hey.
Speaker 3:I got this, you know, this neighborhood church program. Do you wanna come speak to the kids? And so I I show up, I speak to the kids, and I ask a question that changed my life. So, you know, be careful the questions you ask. And I said, hey.
Speaker 3:How many of you guys have your dad at home? And out of, like, 45 kids, one kid lifted their hand up. And it was like this immediate connection of, like, wow. These guys are like me. The only difference is, like, I feel like I had a better support system than they even though I didn't have my dad, I had my grandparents, I had coaches, I had, you know, I had some mentors in my life.
Speaker 3:And so I just walked out of that gym that night with just the conviction of, like, man, these are these are my people. Like, this is where I belong. And even that night in the parking lot, like, a girl and a guy got in a fist fight, like, my first night. He punched her, and she hit him with a scooter. She did pretty good for herself.
Speaker 3:And I really random. And then I just I just kept showing up. And what eventually happened was the church was really they were older congregation, kinda incapable of really caring for the kids. And so I kinda came in, took over, and eventually made it made it my own, which, you know, kinda formed the abandoned project. So
Speaker 2:Wow. I'd I'd love to hear more of just your own personal story of how that affected you growing up. And I don't know if you have any stories you'd like to share of things that you recognized in your own life that are reflected in the kids that you're serving now?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. So when you're when you're young and when you're a kid and when you're full of wonder, you don't really get to see the story until you get older. And so I think that a lot of times, I really believe I'm big and that our childhoods really shape us. And, you know, I believe that sometimes we, we sort of walk with a limp because of it. But I also believe that Jesus can like redeem and bring beautiful redemption out of that.
Speaker 3:And so, growing up without a father, I think the first thing is to identify a father's role. A father is, is, you know, for, for young men to really speak into their sons' lives, tell them who they are, right? Tell them that they're enough. Teach them work ethic. Teach them how to treat women.
Speaker 3:Play sports with them. And so, I think being a dad is just the ministry of teachable moments, right? Like, I'm gonna be with my son, and every day is an opportunity or a classroom, so to say, to teach, my son these teachable moments. And so, when you don't have that there, you have a, you know, a mother or a grandmother, you know, trying to basically play the role of dad. And so in my life, it took a village to to raise me.
Speaker 3:I remember one particular time being in the 5th grade. I was I had my teacher, mister Ward, this this guy that was a teacher for for me in 5th grade. And in the middle of class, there we had, like, these chairs that had the back kinda cut out of them. I remember he pulled me out in the hall because I was sticking my head through the chair in the middle of class. I don't know why I'm telling the story, but it just sticks out.
Speaker 3:And he pulls me out of the hall and he goes, Son, in 25 years of teaching, I've never had a kid stick their head through the back of a chair to try to get attention from other kids. You know? And and I don't know why I remember that moment, but it was almost like, wow, like, I'm going to extreme lengths to get attention and love because there's this this void in me that that the man that's supposed to like, I always say you can't you can't be a man unless you see a man. You know, you can't be a man unless you're around a man. And so there was just this, immaturity.
Speaker 3:You know, also, I'm a kid, I'm a 5th grader. Right? 5th graders are, you know, can do some crazy stuff. But there was just this, like, extra ness of like, I need attention. I need some kind of validity, you know, to to to I was just looking for love, and I would just do dumb things to get love.
Speaker 3:And so, I think, you know, even going into high school, what I found was that coaches that that really cared about me, I would let them speak into my life, even let them say hard things to me. But coaches who didn't care about me and who just treated me bad, I would quit. I would just be like, man, I'm not I'm not doing this. I don't care about you. Right?
Speaker 3:That that kinda I don't care, which we hear a lot from kids who are broken. And there you know, points in high school where I got, you know, this one basketball coach, coach Snead, who actually held me accountable. He's like, hey. You gotta you gotta wear a tie on game days. Well, I'm I'm kinda like the rebel.
Speaker 3:Like, I didn't wear a tie. Well, he sent me out. And then I got in trouble on the bus, and he kicked me off the team. But I realized that he actually was loving me. He was actually holding me accountable and calling me to a higher standard.
Speaker 3:And so, yeah, just just that brokenness followed me, you know, all throughout kind of high school. But I will say that God was really good in placing men in my life. And I will say men that already had their own families and that who didn't have to be in my life, that invested in me because they wanted to, that they saw something in me. And that that really, you know, helped in helped change and shape my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Mentors who, I mean, are making a commitment to somebody that's not their blood
Speaker 3:Right. That
Speaker 2:they're not, like, I mean, already, I guess, morally obligated to be responsible for, like, choosing to to enter in. And I I love just kinda what you said of the negative cycle is that you don't believe you're worth anyone's time.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:You don't believe that anyone would give you attention unless you did crazy stuff. Right. And you don't believe someone's gonna hold you accountable because, I mean, you're just gonna do what you wanna do.
Speaker 3:Right. Like, that accountability is not at home, and so you're not used to it. And so there's this kind of this void of male authority. And so when your dad walks out of your life, what your dad doesn't realize is that he is making it hard on every other man that's gonna come into your son's life because there's there's a lack of that accountability. And so when I when I, you know, interact with these these guys in my program, and we'll talk about this later and, you know, kinda what are some of the some of the failures and stuff I've experienced.
Speaker 3:But but, yes, when you're when you're dealing with these kids and you're dealing with with their attitudes, wisdom goes, man, this is this is on your dad. Like, I really wanna have a conversation with him right now. This is not all your fault. You know? And so you kinda learn to empathize with with them and understand why why they get upset or why they struggle with authority, and it's just part of the process.
Speaker 2:I wanna sidetrack and ask ask you a question about Jenny. How does she fit into to all of this, the the work that you guys are doing? And,
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Man, Jenny's so amazing. So Jenny is my wife. And by the way, we, adopted a baby boy. So we have a son, Israel, that is, he'll turn a year old February 1st.
Speaker 3:So
Speaker 2:Come on, man.
Speaker 3:This is really cool. And and the adoption actually came from one of the neighborhoods. It was a connection from one of the neighborhoods that we serve in. And so we're first time parents. And let me just throw in there that my son slept all the way through the night last night for the first time.
Speaker 3:And so, I feel like a brand new man right now. Come on. So, this is awesome. And so, my my wife, Jenny, she is specifically in charge of running our health initiative. And so, what I like to tell people is that we are a relational based ministry and that as we form relationships, we eventually form programs because we have an idea of what the what the kids need.
Speaker 3:So instead of getting trigger happy on programs, we just wanna get to know our communities, and then we form programs that that they need. And so my wife runs a health initiative. And so, basically, what she does is she teaches young girls and mothers their worth through health, nutrition, cooking classes, exercise. And so every Wednesday night, we have 15 to 20 girls that meet. They cook a meal together.
Speaker 3:They go over scripture. They talk about their worth and how you know, that they're worth taking care of themselves and eating good and putting good things in their body. Because our kids love chips and sugar. And if they could have it their way, they would live off that. And John is crazy.
Speaker 3:So so she's in charge of the health initiative. And then the other thing beside it is she's just my she's my helpmate. So she walks beside me through through everything, and she's such a servant. And, you know, if it was before we, you know, met and got married, her desire was to be in Africa working in the slums. So she's got a she's got a big heart for people.
Speaker 2:I love hearing about stories of couples like you guys, and it's inspiring. And I I think our communities need men and women to mentor and need all of the giftings and skill sets that that come with that diversity. And so I I just love that so much, man. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I can't tell you how many talkies that I've cleaned out of the van that we have when I pick up kids.
Speaker 3:It's Yes.
Speaker 2:It's insane. So I'm glad that you've decided that that's something that you're called to set yourself against in in Jesus' name. So I'm just
Speaker 3:Takis and Hot Cheetos. Oh,
Speaker 2:man. Gosh.
Speaker 3:So we we just got a van for the first time, actually. We had a church donate some money. So for the past 7 years, we have been taking kids in our own car, and I can't tell you how many, you know, packets of honey mustard I've opened up in in a container somewhere or, you know, we had a a milk we we have a rule, like, no food on the van. And would you would you know last week I found a milkshake that was spoiled in the back of the van? So yeah.
Speaker 3:So yeah, man. The struggle the struggle is real for sure.
Speaker 2:Something came to mind when you were you were talking you you were talking about how Jenny is developing a plan and teaching about health and nutrition. And I I think when we have a conversation about negative cycles
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:I mean, particularly in this conversation, we talk about just the the effects of fatherlessness, but but I think also there are so many other dynamics that that come into that influence the cycles in our lives, and one of those obviously poverty, which I'd say is also a fruit of fatherlessness. But at the same time, I wonder if if you could speak more to negative cycles that we don't naturally think of or see, and we root in something that we think is just evil and not actually have, I guess, compassion when we see negative cycles that that people base their life in and, yeah, ultimately feel trapped in. And I think poverty is is one of those.
Speaker 3:Right. Yeah. For sure. And I I definitely think that fatherlessness is one of the core roots of a lot of cycles. You know, if you think about poverty, you think about, you know, a dad teaching their kid work ethic.
Speaker 3:For me, that was my my grandfather. Luckily, my grandfather lived, you know, one house down from me, and he you know, if he jumped on a tractor, I jumped on there with him. If he mowed grass, I mowed with him. If he painted, I painted. And so, you know, you got a father.
Speaker 3:And a lot of times, you know, particularly when we were growing up, you know, the the dad was was teaching work ethic. Right? Now mothers have amazing work ethic as well. But one of the one of the results of, you know, not seeing that work ethic is just poverty. Like, for example, if, you know, if growing up, if my if my son does happen to get into to video games to be like, hey, here's your limit because life is more than video games.
Speaker 3:But then if you have if you don't have a father at home and mother is either tired or sleeping or working 3 jobs and these kids are able to do whatever they wanna do, most of the time, the kid is not gonna be like, hey. I'm gonna go do some push ups right now, or I'm gonna go study entrepreneurship. Right?
Speaker 2:I've never done that.
Speaker 3:They just go be a kid. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They go be a kid, and so work ethic is kinda left out of that. And then you have the the systematic issues, you know, like the welfare and government assistance and kinda some of the broken systems that whether we like to admit it or not, a lot of them are designed to really keep people in poverty. And so you have that working against them. So you have fatherlessness. You have poverty.
Speaker 3:And then what happens as a result of that is you begin to develop a victim mentality. And a victim mentality is, well, life isn't fair. I haven't been dealt, you know, a good hand of cards, and so I'm just gonna blame everybody. And I'm just gonna say that, you know, a lot of the kids, and I'm sure you hear this too, that's not fair. That's not fair.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so I think I think they're they're all kinda interweaved together, but I think those are the biggest biggest ones. You know, you're speaking about food. I mean, the kids can't walk to a grocery store, so there's a corner store. What do they sell at the corner store? Chips, sugar.
Speaker 3:You know? And so there's other the other things as well that there's there's definitely, like, a lack of of opportunities. And I think one thing that jumps out to me is we have this volunteer named Derek, and Derek was actually my pastor when I first moved to Charlotte. And we video we we interviewed him one day. We're like, hey.
Speaker 3:What have you learned since you worked with, you know, the kids at the Abandoned Project? And he made this comment. He said, I've learned from working with these kids that a lot of and Derek's white. He's, you know, he's in his in his fifties. He's white.
Speaker 3:He's married. He's got kids. And he goes, I've learned that working with these kids, that the opportunities that I have been afforded in life are not because I'm particularly worthy. And he said, I've learned with these kids that the lack of opportunity that they have is not because they're not worthy. And I was like, wow.
Speaker 3:Like, it just it just it just hit me.
Speaker 2:That's so good.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Like, all the different things that that these kids are up against simply because of where they're raised and they're you know, they they they have nothing to do with with their dad leaving, you know, or they're living in a low income apartment complex. And so, yeah, it's, it's tough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man. And I I think it can feel overwhelming at times to try and, I guess, approach mentoring as, like, I'm gonna fill in all of this this space or this lack or, this need. And so what what would you tell a mentor who's entering into a relationship with a kid, who has some of these cycles and some of these things going on? What what are the steps to help him healthily, engage in that space?
Speaker 3:Right. I think the the first thing, I would say is just just show up. Right? I think showing up and being consistent is is very, very important. Once you start showing up, you're gonna see that there is a plethora of of needs and and brokenness and cycles, and you're gonna you're gonna feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 3:And that's that's part of the process. And I I say this with all sincerity is you have to learn how to pray because there there's so much that as humans that we we can't we can't I mean, we're we're helpless. The only thing we can do literally is show up, love, and take advantage of teachable moments, but we can't control the outcome. And so there's there's a lot of mentoring where, I think it's a delayed gratification. I don't think in the process of mentoring I mean, you'll see you'll see glimpses like, we'll have a kid that that call.
Speaker 3:I mean, just for a kid to call instead of saying most of the time it's, Josh, pick me up. Can I come to your house? Can I come play ball? But to have a kid call and say, Josh, how's your day? How's how's your son doing?
Speaker 3:Is is Jenny doing well? I mean, you have those moments where or you'll have a kid that's came through your program that that calls you and just says, Man, thank you so much for all you did for me. Like, I didn't even recognize it at the time. And so there's a lot of delayed gratification when it comes to mentoring. But while you're while you're in it, it is it's extremely important to realize how little control you have, you know?
Speaker 3:And sometimes you, you want so much for these kids that, that you can begin to kind of go into this control where you're like, ah, I want, I want this so bad. I'm gonna force you here. I'm gonna help you. And you just, I mean, you can't, you can't do it all. And so I think, you know, prayer, maybe even having a good church that you're connected to, that you bring them.
Speaker 3:I mean, getting them around as many good people as you can and just being consistent and just loving them and and taking advantage of teachable moments. I mean, that's really what this is all about.
Speaker 2:Yep. When when you say control because I I feel like that's I'm thinking about the the mentor who shows up, and the first thing he thinks of when it when Christmas time is coming, and he's like, this kid's not gonna have Christmas presents. So Right. I'm I'm gonna get him Christmas presents.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:He's gonna have the same experience my kids will have, and that is gonna change his life. Can can you speak to more of that, the temptation to control and how that can, create something negative in itself.
Speaker 3:For sure. And let's throw another word that I think would go good as well as the word enable. So let's use control and enable as, like, kinda the same word here. I think that a lot of mentors enable kids, by trying to, yeah, give them the same experience as their kids have. And, we we know from being a mentoring, you know, 7, 8 years and being in the communities, when you enable a kid, you actually make them worse off than what you found them.
Speaker 3:And you'll find that kids begin to start to expect things from you, and they'll use you to get things versus to truly you know, one of the things I say with my kids is, like, listen. I wanna have a two way relationship with you. I wanna care about you, and I wanna be I wanna be cared for by you. So I wanna ask you how your day is going. I want you to ask me how my day is going.
Speaker 3:But just to to kinda give you an example about the enablement and the control is, you know, when I first started working in the neighborhoods, kids would come up and say, can I get a dollar? Will you take me to McDonald's? Can we go to can we go to the the trampoline park? I mean, that's that's what they would do all the time. And there came to a point where I was like, listen.
Speaker 3:I believe it or not, like, even though, like, I'm white and I'm coming into your neighborhood, like, like, I don't have money growing on trees. But I wanna tell you that I feel like I'm the I'm the gift to you. My time, me showing up, like, that's the best I can give to you. And yes, sometimes we will go to the trampoline park. Or sometimes if we get a good donation, we'll go have a meal together.
Speaker 3:But I want you to recognize that, like, time equals love. And I'm giving you my time, and I don't have to. So that means I'm here because I wanna be here and I wanna impart things to you. And I wanna and, also, I wanna learn from you as well because I think that there's a a tendency in mentoring, a lot a lot of times for mentors to go, hey. This is my good deed.
Speaker 3:And what I what I tell people is let let let's go to Isaiah 58. Right? When you fight for those who who can't fight for themselves, when you give people a voice, when you bless people, God says that he breaks forth a light in you. Right? God says that he brings healing to you.
Speaker 3:And so I think a lot of times as a mentor, when we start mentoring, we realize that the kids bless us more than we bless them. You know? And that's that's an important part of mentoring is that it really is a blessing to pour your life into a kid, but also have that kid turn around and tell you that they love you or that they care about you. And so it's just a mutual mutual blessing.
Speaker 2:So good. Love it. Yeah. Just moving from enabling to empowering. Right.
Speaker 2:Right. I love what you said that I am the gift. I think a mentor should be willing to say that.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:In any situation where they're like, the kid's asking for McDonald's or Right. And you just find yourself in a situation where you're like, I think there's an opportunity for you to miss miss what's going on in this relationship. And so that's that's so good, man.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know, any anytime and just for mentors out there who are listening, and I I'm I'm gonna save you a lot of lot of trouble. When you mentor young kids, particularly in low income neighborhoods, and they ask you for a dollar, your, your response is, well, I was just about to ask you for 1, or you tell them, you tell them that they're asking the wrong question. Listen, you're asking me the wrong question. What you need to be asking me is how do I make a dollar?
Speaker 3:And then if I teach you how to do that, you'll stop asking me. So that's my go to.
Speaker 2:Wow. It's awesome, man.
Speaker 3:So let's empower. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I love what you said about prayer. Prayer is not about control. It's about surrender. And so I think asking the Lord to move and being prayerful in our mentoring relationships is is huge.
Speaker 2:And that not only establishes a right spirit within us, but gives us the opportunity to model that to the kid that we're mentoring as well. Right. So I I'd love if you could share, any stories from positive role models that have served with the abandoned project or or your own personal stories of that that would bring value to our our mentors, any experiences or or things you guys have done that, yeah, would just influence our mentors in engaging in in forgotten communities and forgotten relationships and, yeah, just any stories you'd like to share.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. I think one of the first things if you're gonna be a successful mentor, I think be a student of the culture of of whoever you're mentoring. So, really, one of the things that my wife and I did was we moved from a, kinda like a nice gated condo community in Charlotte. And when we started really working with the kids, we're like, hey. We need to get close to them.
Speaker 3:We need to understand the culture. So we rented a small house, and we had a low income apartment complex in our backyard and one across the street. And we're about a mile from the main neighborhoods that we serve, but that was kind of the you know, as close as we could get. And there was, in my backyard, there was a a neighborhood in this kid named there was actually a volleyball court in my backyard, and these and the owners of the house would still come play volleyball where the kids would hop the fence whenever they played volleyball and come over. And I met this kid named Jovante.
Speaker 3:And when I met him, he was in he was in 2nd grade. He was this little snaggletooth kid. His he always had little high water jeans on. And so what I noticed was that some of the kids I began to mentor would make fun of Jevonte and be like, you're you know, you look poor. You look like a bum.
Speaker 3:And so what I did to to kinda have a teachable moment was I got the kids in the car one day, and I went and found out where Jevonte lived. I talked to his dad. I said, hey. Listen. You don't you don't know me.
Speaker 3:I live across the street. Jevonte hops over the fence and comes to my house all the time. Can can I hang out with him for a day? I'll have some other kids with me. We're just gonna go get some food and, you know, do do some things.
Speaker 3:And so he let me hang out with Jevonte. So I took the kids who were making fun of him, and we went and we said, alright, guys. Now that I got you on the car, today we're gonna go shopping, but we're only gonna go shopping for Gervonta. And since you guys love to make fun of him, well, we're gonna bless him with some clothes and some shoes. And so we actually took Gervonta's shop and bought him some clothes and shoes, went out to eat.
Speaker 3:The kids who were making fun of him just got to see, you know, hey. We're we're gonna since you're gonna make let's do something about this. Let's bless him. He he matters. And so that was a really powerful experience.
Speaker 3:And so what the reason I bring up Jevonte is he, you know, he was infamous for throwing chairs. So we'd take him to the program. We'd develop a relationship with him. He'd always get an attitude. And for whatever reason, he would throw chairs.
Speaker 3:And so that was what he kinda got a reputation for. But as we simply just began loving him, I remember him calling me one night, and he goes, hey. Would would you take me to my book fair at elementary school? And so even though he's actually one of the ones raised by a single dad, his dad wasn't really involved in any extracurricular activities in his life. And so I took Gevonte to the book fair, and his teacher says, hey.
Speaker 3:Are you Josh? I was like, yeah. I'm Josh. And she goes, well, let me she goes, I don't know what you're doing, but keep doing it. Because Jevonte has went from being, like, the worst student in the school last year, and now he's making a's and b's, and his his behavior is so much better.
Speaker 3:And so and and I started thinking, like, man, what did we really do intentional to really help this? And I think it was just simply, like, we we became available to him. We just loved him. And he would show up at our door at 6 in the morning, literally knock on the door asking for pizza before school. And I'm like, bro, you gotta stop knocking on my door at 6 o'clock.
Speaker 3:But that's just kinda one of the things that happened from from moving into the neighborhood, understanding the culture, and just being available. Love changes kids, and it changes all areas of them. And so, you know, like you said earlier, you feel overwhelmed a lot when you're working with this demographic, but the one thing that's gonna change everything is is love. Like, it it it will affect their life in different ways more than than you know. And so I think I think that's the key.
Speaker 3:That that's one of the stories that I love to tell about is Gervonta. So
Speaker 2:It's so good, man. The the same thing that led Gervonta to throw chairs is the same thing that led you to put your head in
Speaker 3:in a chair. Exactly. Yeah. He throws them. I put my head in between them.
Speaker 3:You know? Same thing. It's good,
Speaker 2:man. We
Speaker 3:all have
Speaker 2:our thing.
Speaker 3:That's it. That's it.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. Could you share any discouragements you faced personally in in serving the kids in your neighborhood, and, what what brings you back to the vision that you have?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. There's there's a lot of, there's a lot of discouragements. I mean, we've we've you know, back when we used to work really, really heavy with high school kids, I mean, we've had fights and we've had all kinds of things happen. There's been times we've been in the neighborhood and, you know, gunshots go off. And, I mean, we've you know, Jenny and I got robbed one time.
Speaker 3:You know, not robbed, but our house got broken into. And so, obviously, there's these, you know, little things that happen along the way. But but in regards to the kids, I think one of the big discouragements or the big traps is, as mentors is is that we that we often get offended. I see a counselor. I see a counselor because I need it.
Speaker 3:It's part of self care. And and literally, if you do urban inner city ministry, if you're a mentor, I encourage you to see a counselor too. And one of the things that my counselor I I I went to him one day. I was like, listen. His name is Lance.
Speaker 3:I was like, Lance, like, man, I just I get tired of getting disrespected. I, you know, I it's like I I show up again and again. The kids know for for 7 years, I didn't even get paid. I had another job, and I just was showing up and giving my time and blessing these kids. And I still get disrespected and, like, then I get mad, and I might go off on a kid or get frustrated.
Speaker 3:And I remember one day he looked at me, and he goes, Josh, like, do those kids love you? And I I said, Yeah. They do. Like, Did they tell you they love you? I'm like, Yeah.
Speaker 3:Most of them. And he goes, Don't get offended because what what those kids are going through has nothing to do with you. And he and and so as as a that that really helped me. It's like, Wow. When I'm when I'm mentoring a kid or we're in a program and somebody's disrespectful, it really has nothing to do with me.
Speaker 3:It's about their brokenness. And so when I get offended, it it takes the focus off of of God or what the kid's becoming, and it turns it into me of, like, wow. Like, my pride gets in the way. Part of my disappointment has came from my my pride in getting offended with these kids and not really empathizing with them of, you know, sitting in their seat of of why they they give me an attitude or why they're getting, you know, upset. And so I think that's one of the things is that my my pride has led to discouragement.
Speaker 3:And so just to really realize that a lot of these kids and what they go through, it has nothing to do with me. And so the more I cannot get offended, the more effective I can be a mentor. So I think that's one thing.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, man. I I think that speaks a lot to to the heart of a mentor. It's so easy to make it about you. Yeah. For sure.
Speaker 2:Carrying that offense is toxic.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And so It is. And I think, you know, the other thing that I that I really wanna encourage mentors to do, and this is something that's took me years to to really figure out, is to learn how to call kids up, not out. Call kids up. Don't call them out.
Speaker 3:One of the one of the things about that is I think about, in the Bible, Simon. Jesus goes to Simon, and he goes, Your name is Simon. But today, I'm going to call you Peter, and I'm going to build my church upon you. And he gives Peter a new name, a new identity. And he gives Peter that new name and that new identity before Peter denies him, before Peter makes mistakes.
Speaker 3:And so this this element of calling kids to who they're becoming, not not who they are at the moment, I think is very powerful. If we're all honest, we all carry some sort of of, you know, shame or we're all we're all our own worst critic. And so when we call kids out, particularly in front of other kids, it just furthers the the shame and maybe maybe even who they think they are. Like, I'm I'm bad. I'm worthless.
Speaker 3:I'm nothing. And so that's when, you know, when you call kids out or when you're hard on them in the wrong way, it's just like that's when you get, I don't care. I don't care. Well, I'm already this way, so I don't care. I'm already bad.
Speaker 3:I don't care. But what we started noticing when we take a kid outside so we get him away from the group and say, listen. You know, Sean, I believe in you, and I know that you're a good listener. And back in there, when we were doing the lesson time, when I told you to turn around 4 times, man, I know you're better than that. And I believe in you.
Speaker 3:And I believe in the leader you're becoming. So can you help me out next time? And can you focus when we're doing the lesson? And I've just found that that goes so much better than just all of a sudden bursting out in frustration and saying, Why can't you not turn around? You know?
Speaker 3:And so I've I've I'm a be honest with you. I have done that so many times in the past 7 years that a kid the other day was like, Josh, I noticed that you're you're handling us different now. You know? And and it was cool to hear that because I've I've literally made that mistake so many times. So I think that's one thing that that I've learned from is is call kids up, don't call them out.
Speaker 3:Just way more healthier. And it's what Jesus did. Right? It's Jesus gives gives us a new name. He he calls us up.
Speaker 3:So
Speaker 2:And and that might be what kept Jesus from being discouraged is that he actually believed and had faith and hope. And if we don't see that, of course, we're gonna get discouraged.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Because we're, we're not actually believing, for what God wants to do in their life and who they're gonna become. So that's so good, Josh.
Speaker 3:Yes. So big for us.
Speaker 2:All right, man. So, I mean, what I'm hearing is that you used to be a big failure, but you you've you've figured it out. So any other failures you'd like to share with our mentors? Anything you've learned from?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I think I think just, you know, 2 things. I mean, do do what you say you're gonna do. I think I think, when we work with these type of kids, they there's been a lot of letdowns. So if you say you're gonna pick them up, pick them up.
Speaker 3:If you say you're gonna take them to grab some food and spend some time with them, just make sure that you do everything in your in your power to do that. Just, you know, be consistent. The kids are a little more susceptible to to hurt because they've had so many false promises. So I think I think that, and then, you know, kind of the other thing I was thinking about is as a mentor, if you're in any kind of ministry, just make sure that you that you self care. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and and and really burnt out with the work that that we do.
Speaker 3:And so I've noticed that I'm no good to anybody unless I'm taking care of of myself. And so, like, literally, you know, taking walks or going to play a round of golf or going to shoot some basketball and having time to just, like, really refresh myself with with Jesus, so that I can go, you know, be a good mentor and really love, you know, from from him. I think I've saw 2 types of mentors. There there are mentors that that mentor to get healthy, and then there are mentors that mentor out of a place of health. And so I always want I always wanna get to a place where I mentor out of a place of health versus, I'm mentoring to fill a void in me because then I'll make it about me and not the kids.
Speaker 3:So You
Speaker 2:just you just convicted every single person mentoring.
Speaker 3:So hard.
Speaker 2:Oh, man. It's so good.
Speaker 3:But here's the thing, though, Steven, is that even if we're mentoring to get healthy, still keep showing up. God god'll work with us in that. You know? He will.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Come on. Oh, gosh. Josh, you're killing me. Just love love your vision.
Speaker 2:Love your heart, and so practical. I wanna ask you one last question, and that would just be what what do you guys feel like that you guys are just rocking? You guys are doing well that every mentoring organization should follow? What what's the one thing that's that's born the most fruit in in y'all's organization?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I would have to say, you know, it's almost like when when you have a for profit organization, people spend 1,000,000 of dollars in research and development. Right? When you have a nonprofit organization, you are labeled the devil if you spend money on research and development. So you just I think you become the research and development.
Speaker 3:So I think for us, the the thing that's bore the most fruit is to, is is is a word we call oneness. And so oneness means that we show up and we become family with the people that we serve. We don't it's not like, hey, we're The Abandoned Project, and we're serving you. We're the service provider. You're the service recipient.
Speaker 3:It's just showing up and saying, hey, I just I just wanna be family with you. I just wanna love you. I wanna I wanna treat you as if you're my own family, and I wanna show up and earn your trust, And let's do life together. I think that that that relational aspect of earning the trust has got us further along than what we could have ever got if we had come in just with a program based focus. Like, okay.
Speaker 3:Like, you know, let's take you into this program. I mean, there's I can't tell you the amount of times that we have vans drive up in the neighborhood to take kids to church, but the same people in those vans won't get out to meet the parents. And so if I'm being honest, I run them off. I say, hey. Unless you're willing to get out and meet mom, can you leave?
Speaker 3:Like, because we're we're about relationship here. We're we're about, you know, getting to know each other. And so I think just really, you know, spending time so if you're a mentor, I would I would encourage you, if you're dealing with kids who live in low income environments or in the inner city, spend time in their space. Spend time on their turf. Play basketball in their court.
Speaker 3:You know? Go go knock on the door and meet mom. You know? I think I think that's been the best thing that we have done. And then we've formed programs out of knowing, who our community is, and that's really helped us.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love it. Josh, it's been a super helpful conversation. Even even just that last thought, I remember, some of my friends, we were reading, the book of John, and Jesus starts his ministry. And then, like, the next day, he goes to a wedding, and Yeah. And he spends 3 days with a community.
Speaker 2:And it's like he is all about relationship. Yes. Not just drinking wine, but relationship. He's
Speaker 3:also been drinking wine. Some good wine. Yeah. I have some good wine. And and
Speaker 2:so that's so good, man. Just just focusing on relationship and and being where they're at
Speaker 3:and Right.
Speaker 2:Man, empowering and not enabling. There's so many nuggets that you you gave us, so we really appreciate your investment in our listeners. How can our our listeners connect with you after this episode? Give us some social media.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. So we have, a a Instagram account. Our Instagram account, it's, at the abandoned project. So just at the abandoned project. So we have an Instagram account.
Speaker 3:That's that's the the social media line that we're most active on is the Instagram. So, feel free to follow us. We'd love for you guys to follow us and and kinda, you know, see our stories on there and vicariously live live through us here in Charlotte. So
Speaker 2:Yes. Well, we wanna be encouraged by you and and see the kids that that you're serving. And, yeah, we're so thankful for you, man. Listeners, check out the abandoned project.orgorinstagram@theabandonproject. So awesome.
Speaker 2:Great to meet you, Josh, and look forward to to having you on here again to to share more share more of your failures and more of more of the the wins. So thank
Speaker 3:you so much, man. Maybe I'll have 2 more next time, when we talk. But yeah. And and, Steven, on behalf of the Avaya Project, thank you guys for what you do, for providing a platform for people just to because mentoring is so tough, and you guys are providing so many, you know, helpful, knowledge and help the people that are mentoring. So thank you guys, because this this work is gonna trickle all across the United States and the world.
Speaker 3:So we're excited for you guys and thankful for you.
Speaker 2:Well, that was an amazing interview with Josh Meadows from the abandoned project in Charlotte, North Carolina. Please go check them out. We'll have their information in the show notes. And if you are connected to any Christian youth mentoring organization that we should check out, we would love to network with you. So please reach out to us on our website, youcanmentor.com.
Speaker 2:If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with your friends, share it with someone you know who is thinking about mentoring or mentoring currently. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, 5 stars. And if you didn't get anything from today's episode let it be this you can mentor