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Hi, friend! I'll keep this short and sweet, because ADHD!
Whether you're newly diagnosed or have known for a century, Outsmart ADHD is the podcast for you. Join me and my guests as we explore the latest research, share personal stories, and provide actionable advice to help you live your best life with ADHD.
Welcome to the Outsmart, A DHD podcast. I'm your host, Jamie Catino, board certified occupational therapist. Two-time Ted Speaker, A DHD coach, A DHD, advocate and Reality Show, contestant. Now let's talk about A DH. D.
Hello, gorgeous humans. I am really excited to be back and talking to you.
I started recording a podcast about something else altogether, and then in the interim I'm like, you know what? I will talk about this other thing another time, but this is what I've been going through, and I thought fuck it. It's my podcast and I will talk about what I wanna talk about. As you know, I like talking about things that are relevant in my life because I know if they're relevant in my life.
It's likely that you have gone through it or you're going through it too, and the passion in my voice is never performative. It is just how I'm genuinely feeling, and I'm super excited to talk about this. We do not talk enough about capacity.
I know that you listening to this podcast is a very highly capable person. You're likely an overachiever. You're probably a perfectionist. You probably worked your ass off to achieve a degree or two, or three or four.
You're probably in the career that you've busted your butt for. You are a very intelligent, capable human being. You're probably an incredible problem solver. These are just the type of people that end up in my circle.
But one thing we don't talk about enough is. Capacity and how that's gonna change based off of the stage of life that you're in based off of the healing journey that you're on. Healing is not a fun, linear journey where you find out something's going wrong and slowly or quickly over time, you just become more energized and the.
Red sea parts and you're excited. And that's not it at all. It gets worse before it gets better, and I don't think that's talked about enough. And I think that this needs to be broken down for highly intelligent A DHD humans who are overachievers, who have the tendency to wanna be overachievers when it even comes to their healing journey.
So I'm gonna walk through what healing looks like. When you know you're at a reckoning of holy fuck, something needs to change and the no bullshit this, these are some stages that you're gonna go through as you're changing your life. The clients that I work with, there's a reason why after about six months they don't need me anymore.
We do really, really deep work going through this process. And then afterwards, they have the tools that they need and they no longer need me, but it's a deep process. So let's get into it. First of all, let's talk about the definition of capacity and capability. Number one, capacity. The ability to hold or can or contain.
So when I talk about capacity, I'm gonna be talking about your total energy, okay? Capability, definition. The extent of someone or something's ability, pretty self-explanatory. So your capability is your ability to do X, Y, z. Okay. Let's talk about what happens when you come to this reckoning in your life of, holy fuck, this isn't working anymore.
I've got four stages lined up and these are not clinical. These are things that I have noticed in my own life. These are things that I've noticed from working with many, many, many, many, many, many. A DHD, brilliant. A DHD women who have been the fuck through it. Alright. So stage one, you're still doing all the things that you need to do in your daily life.
You're still able to hold down that job, maintain the relationships, but you're tired. You're able to push through, whether that would be with caffeine or maybe your medication gives you a little boost. I know my stimulant gives me a little boost, but you're able to drag yourself through all the things.
You're able to check off all the things that are on your to-do list. And you don't feel great on the inside, but on the outside you're able to get shit done, so therefore it feels okay, as okay as it can feel with having not a lot of energy, but enough to get shit done. You're probably feeling a lot of validation from the things that you're getting done, but not a lot of joy from it.
That's typically a step before people. Come into my dms, step two. This is where I see a lot of my clients coming in and it's the, oh fuck, this isn't working anymore. I cannot will my way through my life anymore. I am either heading towards burnout or I am burnt out. I have rage. Quit my job, or I'm debating it every single day.
I am snapping on people that I care about. I. Forced to say no to invites out or ask or asks, not because I want to, but because I am forced to. My body will literally not let me go on any longer. At this stage, very, very, very low energy. Very low energy. You are completely depleted. You were tapping into your reserve every single day In stage one of this process, when you were dragging yourself through, you didn't actually have that energy.
You kept borrowing it from a reserve tank that was non-existent, which ends up being, breakdown of your body.
Breakdown of your mental health, breakdown of your physical health, and you just can't fucking do it anymore. Very low energy. Step three. Now, this is where you get into the deep work. The deep, deep work. This is where.
You have zero energy, negative energy, even less energy than you had in stage two. Why? Because it's exhausting working through things, implementing new things, deconstructing your life. We're gonna get through all the deep work entails, but I just wanna give you a run through of what this journey looks like.
So step three. Can be many, many, many, many months, and it starts off with very little energy and then slowly builds. As you do the deep work, as you do the deep work, your compa, your capacity increases a little bit each day until you get to step four, which is where you have more stabilized energy, more predictable energy.
That's the goal, my friend, predictable energy, where you go to bed. At a reasonable hour because you have a really great nighttime routine and you have a really good schedule, and you wake up and you're rested and you have pretty predictable energy of how you're gonna feel day to day. That's the goal, not the end point Now.
Let's talk a little bit more about what that deep work entails. Increasing your capacity is not a matter of just getting more rest. Okay. Increasing your capacity is not a matter of just getting more rest. Okay. Because rest, sleep in itself is not what caused you to get to this place. It is not what caused burnout.
This is what the deep work entails. Number one, boundaries. You have heard me talk about it a million times. You will hear me talk about it a million times more. This. The single thing I have seen in every single client, hands down, who has gotten to the point of, holy fuck, this is not working anymore. It is an issue with boundaries.
I have yet to find someone who struggles with boundaries in their personal life and does not struggle with it in their professional life and vice versa. Having the ability to say no, but not only that, having the ability to go introspectively and ask yourself, do I want to do this? That level of mind body connection comes from also having to unlearn a lot of childhood teachings.
Especially if you were like me. I know a lot of you are. If you were raised in a household growing up that was not safe, you were not taught to be in your body. That is a skill in and of itself that those of us who have been through some shit in childhood have to relearn in adulthood. And that process in itself takes time trusting how you feel.
You have to first know how the fuck you're feeling. That is deep, deep work, accommodating yourself, knowing what the fuck a sensory need is. If you're not sure what that is, I've got some podcast episodes about it and scroll back. But understanding when you are overstimulated, when you are understimulated, how to work with that, how to.
Accommodate yourself even on days where you might have a little bit more capacity as far as energy in your body, but your A DHD brain is not letting your focus, so you're feeling that itchy, scratchy, oh my gosh, what do I do now thing? Accommodating your workspace, your personal life. All of this is deep work that you are not taught as someone with A DHD.
You are taught neurotypical ways of how to live in your daily life. You are not taught how to support your executive functioning when you have a underdeveloped frontal lobe or. How to manage rejection sensitive dysphoria when it hits you in the fucking face when you're at work or in your relationships and what to do so you don't derail those relationships or that job or that career.
That means so much to you. This is the deep work. And also part of the deep work is sometimes going back to basics, eating enough food and drinking enough water. On these last three weeks that I have given myself a pretty big pause on my business and everything, and I've really just been doing deep work.
I realize I was just chronically dehydrated and I needed more freaking food.
And the last part of this deep work is redefining those relationships. If you've been following this podcast for a while, you know that my husband and I had gone through a really, really, really tough fucking time, and growing up in a household where I wasn't taught what a healthy relationship looks like, it is something that I have had to do a lot of deep work, mostly with my coach to get through.
There was also a couples therapist, and now there's an individual therapist involved, but for the most part it is so much of the steep work with my coach. To realize, what do I even want my fucking relationships to look like? What do I deserve in a relationship? What do I want in every form of the word?
What do I desire in a partner? What do I desire from myself? Who the fuck am I? There is an internal reckoning of asking yourself all of these questions of, who am I? What is important to me? And that question, what is important to me is gonna lead you to the work of what you really need to work on.
I.
So something I am begging for you to take away from this. Is that your capacity is not going to increase from rest alone. It takes deep work deep work on all of these things, which is why if you are like me and you cannot grow up being taught these things, I'm gonna take a wild guess that if you're listening to this podcast that you were not taught these things growing up, where sometimes it's.
Our requirement. For me, it's definitely an accommodation to have a coach to walk you through these things. Someone who has. The same neurotype as you as an A DHD person who understands all of these things and the interconnectedness of when you have A DHD. When you have a DHD, you are not taught how to have amazing boundaries.
You are not taught that your disability is to be accommodated in a lot of situations. You're not. Anyway, I'm gonna take a wild guess. If you're listening to this, you weren't either. You are not taught how to stand up for yourself in relationships, how to advocate for yourself in your relationships at work, even in the medical system, you're not taught how to drink enough water and eat enough food when you have.
Cues in your body that you are completely dissociated with because you have not been taught how to live inside of your body because it hasn't felt safe for a very long time. You were not taught how to redefine relationships based off of what you really desire because you were taught to do what everybody else needed and fill in the gaps everywhere.
This is the deep work. And your capacity is going to be less before it becomes more. And what I would love for you to take from this is that the deep work is worth doing because on the other side of it, you will be a much happier person. You will be a much healthier person, and you will build a life based off of your.
Increasing capacity versus feeling like you have to will yourself through life. I was there for a very, very, very long time. A very long time. It took time with an amazing therapist, not amazing therapist, but my amazing coach. It took a lot of deep work and resources and if there's any way for you to find those resources.
The ROI of doing this deep work with someone who is qualified to help you is so incredibly worth it on the other side. And until then, be very kind to yourself. When you're in this deep work, there's gonna be days where your house is a mess. There's gonna be days where you get takeout or maybe you go get some fast food because you don't have the energy to cook.
There will be some days where all you have the energy to do is watch some TV outside of all of the things that you are processing for the last three weeks. I did a lot of processing. I showed up to coaching calls with the new clinician that's helping me through my health journey. I went to my coaching calls with my Audi DHD coach who helps me in my business.
But honestly, even more in my life, I kept going to therapy. I've been working through some really hard shit, which is why I am slowly having this increased capacity to be able to show up for you.
It is time to get very clear on what you want your life to look like and the deep work that you are willing to do. And I strongly, strongly, strongly urge you to find the experts, the specialists, the coaches, the therapists that can help you through this journey because it is deep, vulnerable work, but it is so worth doing.
And when you live your life in a way that you feel like you are able to follow the
pull of energy and. Going for a walk or doing something creative instead of willing and just pushing your way through it. It is a completely different feeling on your body, on your nervous system, and on your mental and your physical health.
Now, if you are ready to do this deep work, I am ready to be that coach that walks with you hand in hand to do it. In the show notes, you're gonna see a form that will let you sign up for a free call with me. I wanna know about what's going on in your life. I want to know about how you're struggling, and I want to create a plan with you on that consult call of how you're going to get through it.
It, the call is free. And I am just so excited to meet you because I know if you're listening to this podcast episode and if you've gone this far, that you have struggled in a lot of ways that I struggled. And that you need someone that understands your brain, where you're at right now, and how to help you through it.
And I have helped so many people through this process and I really hope that you are one more person that I can cheer for. I wanna have a foam finger with your name on it, excited for you because of the life that you built, because you were willing to do the deep work.
Also in the show notes, you're gonna find a link for a free webinar called Before You Rage Quit Your Job. Try this and it's for those of you who are feeling like you are at your wit's end with your job and you are ready to rage, quit that motherfucker before you do listen to my super helpful webinar.
It's only 20 minutes long. It's on YouTube. It's an unlisted link on YouTube, and you can put it on two times the speed and it'll be over in 10 minutes. And you'll get a lot of really helpful stuff from that. It's also completely free. My last thing, can you please, please, please, please go on to Apple Podcasts and rate the podcast.
There's only 10 ratings on there and anyone who gives a five star rating, I will personally thank you on the next podcast. You're hearing it outta my mouth right now. If you go on Apple Podcast and you rate this podcast and you leave a little review, I will personally thank you. On the next podcast episode, rating and reviewing the podcast is a really great way to push the podcast out to those who otherwise wouldn't be able to find this information.
So thank you in advance for doing that. My kind humans who take a moment to pause what their doing and rate and review with five stars. I cannot wait to thank you next week. Alright my friends. I will talk to you next time. Bye now.
Are you a high achieving woman with a DHD looking for a coach or maybe an event coordinator looking for a wildly captivating speaker? Perfect. Go to outsmart adhd.co. That's out. Smart adh adhd.co to get in touch. And before I forget, would you mind taking a minute to share this podcast with someone you love?
It would mean the world to me. Thanks, my friend. Until next time.