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Welcome to your weekly dose of The Psychedelic Psychologist. Steve shares his introduction to the healing world of psychedelics through a guided psilocybin journey. Open and educated to what may happen, he finds the love is in everything and it takes work. He brilliantly describes the importance of setting exceptions, as well as letting your expectations go. He further explains the value of remembering what you bring into the session will benefit you in what you will get out of the experience.
Steve provides a great reminder on how love and family bonds can be healed, rekindled and cherished.
The Psychedelics Integration Handbook
Healingsoulsllc.com
The Psychedelic Psychologist is a conversational-style podcast hosted by Dr. Ryan Westrum with clients and guests who use talk therapy to integrate Psychedelic experiences for healing and personal transformation. Tune in to hear people’s experiences, breakthroughs and stories of healing addiction, depression, and trauma through Psychedelics. Dr. Ryan Westrum gracefully and empathetically narrates real therapy sessions with people in their most vulnerable and transformational moments.
I would like to invite
you to take a moment
to take in a new breath,
a cleansing breath in
and releasing breath out,
giving you the permission to
breathe in with a new perspective.
On this breath, on your
body and on your life.
Breathing out, releasing,
surrendering, and letting go,
Allowing your mind to soften around
the idea of a new breath, a new day.
And a new experience.
Breathing out, removing preconceived
notions, judgments, expectations,
breathing in fresh,
breathing out calm.
And as you center around the idea
of what a new experience means
to you, listen to your body.
Allow your thoughts and
emotions to come online
and simply swim in the
idea the fresh newness,
the beginner's mind.
And with one cleansing breath
in and one cleansing breath out.
Allowing yourself to
settle in to your day.
Allow yourself to settle in to your
evening and this present moment.
Hi, it's Ryan.
Welcome to your weekly Dose of the
Psychedelic Psychologist, where I
invite my guests to share stories
about their psychedelic experiences.
We cover a variety of topics
from overcoming addiction and
severe depression to finding
wholeness and spiritual emergence.
Today's podcast, you're going to hear
from one of my guests, Steve, who
gives us a glimpse, a fresh perspective
of what the therapeutic approach is.
How to set expectations and how to really
bring in what you would like to take away.
Steve, it's great to hear your voice.
It's great to see you.
How are you coming in today?
Thank you, Ryan.
I'm, I'm doing well.
You sound calm.
I do feel calm.
I, it's,, yeah, it's, I've, you know, been
able to reconnect and, Had a nice time
with my my kids last night and got 'em
off to school and had a good day so far.
You bring up a really beautiful
point about reconnecting to
the children to your life.
Did you see that before your
experience with psychedelics?
Were you slowing down enough
to presently take in the beauty
of being a father and a care.
Honestly, the way, way that you
put it, not, not really knowing.
I think one thing I, sort of saw and,
felt connected with, during my time
was, what I, what I really cared for and
really wanted to get outta life and, and,
and, how much I appreciated, my children
and, and, and, uh, wanted to be part of.
And watching them growing up and,
and being there in the moment.
, I feel like I have lived a little
bit of a rushed life and this has
allowed me to take deeper breaths
and, and look at them in a different
light and kind of have permission to
walk a little bit of a different path
that is such a breath of fresh air.
Steve, tell us a little.
Tell me a little bit about
what drew you to psychedelics.
How did you find this path?
Well, I have four close friends who
have, gone through, gone this path and,
they have, I mean, I, these, these are
friends who I don't always see very often.
And, recently we were,
we were together and.
They had done a, a ranging from like
five years ago to, to very recently and,
and they had just a, i, cause I've known
them so well, are living different lives.
They're, they're living happier, fuller
lives., I see themselves having given
themselves permission or, or, or are just
realizing what they want more out of life.
And it's great to see and
they urge me to do it.
And, I'm very happy I did.
I.
Yeah, it just, you know, it's, it's,
it's a, a bit of a daunting task,
thinking about it and, and researching
it before, but, having good friends
and having good recommendations,
really pushed me to do something.
And, and, and that's how I, that balance,
that's a really Wonderful expression.
The trust you have in your friendships
and in your collective community as well
as doing the appropriate kind of recon.
And you know, who's not to say
a little peer pressure from our
buddies doesn't help either.
Right, ? Yeah, exactly.
So you and I have been working together
for some time on integration and
preparation for that experience, and
one of the things that I know intimately
about you, Your willingness to ask
questions, and you've been asking a lot
of questions and preparation to that.
And did you find the preparation of this
experience necessary to what you ended
up experiencing within your journey?
, I mean, certainly everyone's
different, but for me, I mean,
for me, it was so necessary.
It gave me a comfort level.
With the medicine gave me a covered
level with my guide you, and helped me
understand what I wanted to get out of it.
Like most things you need to
know what you're gonna put in
and, and be, purposeful with what
you put in to get something out.
And I, I think you, you really helped me
to frame what I was looking for, what,
what I, my, my expectations and, The,
the, the points I wanted to explore.
That's true.
And you were also in a space that
was curious, and do you believe the
curiosity that you carry in your
life gave you permission to be open?
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm, I mean, I'm very curious by nature.
I, I did a lot of research before and, you
know, curiosity leads to asking questions,
questions lead to hopefully answers or, or
at least, finding more, exploring more.
And that's, that's what I experienced.
Before we dive deeper into our
integration process, can you
color the experience for me?
What, what were some large.
Pinnacle moments within that
experience with your psilocybin
journey that you are still walking
with today, or that you Yeah, sure.
Yeah, go ahead.
I, as you know, I did it somewhat
recently, so I'm, I'm still kind of
having a little bit of aha moments,
but the biggest thing for me, I, I get
emotionally thinking about it, like I
felt like my father's spirit come in.
Who, who's passed away a while ago and he
never met my, , met my son and I felt like
this, , acceptance of, of my son and him.
And it was a fantastic moment.
That moment, , stands out the most to me.
, that was one thing I, the
emotion coming up right now.
Oh, just joy and just thankfulness
for that moment cuz it's, you
know, One that actually in, in
our physical bodies can't happen.
But, you know, a lot of, a lot
of, , experiences are felt mentally
and emotionally and, and I, I feel
like I experienced it emotionally and
mentally, and maybe not physically,
but it was just kind of weighed on
my shoulders, probably weight on,
on how, how I chose to do things.
, that was, it was just fantastic.
, between there sounds to be,
Yeah, there sounds to be a deep
respect for not necessarily
needing it in the physical either.
Yeah, I mean, absolutely.
It's, you know, just, it's
a, you know, in, in a movies
can move you in certain ways.
, but I mean, this is much,
much deeper and, and.
Really sticks with you.
And, and it, it's profound.
It, it was so profound.
, but another, another moment I let
share, , I was invited to, you know,
think of people at your table and
who, who be on this journey with you.
And, my daughter was there.
, As in the, in the shape of the unicorn
helping me through this journey.
And, and she and I have a strong bond.
And it's, it's this thing.
Not only does it, it did this experience,
, open my eyes to the bonds I didn't realize
I have, but the bonds I, I, I searching
for, but it, it reinforced the bonds I, I
already have and, helps me appreciate them
and, , look at them maybe with a new lens.
Can you tell me a little
bit more about that?
As we unpack that, this idea of
seeking and looking for new bonds
and also reassuring yourself
within the bonds you have.
What are you noticing
as you're walking today?
Just eyes more open and, and maybe
I'm able to sort of sit back and,
and observe someone in their.
In their own life, living their
own life, making their own
decisions and appreciating them.
, my son's a he's, he's a little
wild and he's great and he's
got his own personality.
And, you know, sometimes a parent can,
wants something for their child, even
though, you know, if your child has
a different personality or different,
you know, everyone's different.
. Coming out of it, I, you know, sort of
had a realization that maybe some conflict
between me and my son is I want something
for him and he may not want that.
And, , it's something that I not
realize and, and, and take, take more
to heart that he's gonna live his life
and he'll have a great happy life.
I do get to be, I gotta be there and get,
watch it, but it's not for me to control.
It's it.
For me to, to, to love him and,
sort of provide him with the ground
to, to do what he wants to do.
Such a remarkable, humble way
of showing up for children.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, you're right.
And it's just, you know, it's something
I wish I'd always, I'd always done.
It's, Yeah, it was just powerful.
Just, it, it, I think it was a, my, that
realization was a little bit connected to
that feeling of my father and, and my son
and just like, kind of a connection with
my dad and our relationship understanding.
, so yeah, it's just, you know, I
want, or for my son, I want, I want
what a good life that he wants.
That's fantastic in the sense too,
that appreciating the lineage of
honoring our fathers, honoring
our sons, honoring us as a conduit
between the two, is what I'm hearing
from you and this expression of you.
Then also, how to then show up for your
daughter, how to show up for other people
in the relationships that you have and
allowing them to just be who they are.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think that's, that's very important.
Ultimately, I want to be who I am, so
why would I allow myself to be who I
am and not others or, or vice versa?
And I think that's one thing.
Um, this experience has helped me
understand that we all are who we
are and, and deserve the freedom to,
to experience that on our, on our.
Tell me a little bit more about this
idea coming into the experience and was
there any nuances, either physically,
emotionally, or spiritually that,
surprised you or you weren't expecting?
, I was, I was honestly quite
nervous going into it.
The, the.
Biggest thing for me, the big biggest
surprise, other than being, other
than sort of what I was talking
about, , is, is the overwhelming
feeling of like connectivity and love.
Like I, I just remember feeling so
much love and, and so much beauty
I, I, I just feeling and, and, you
know, you kind of like experience it.
It's, it's, it's like, it's like a, a
web of love and a web of a beautiful
web of love., it was powerful.
It was overwhelming.
It was fantastic.
It becomes almost undescribable.
No, it, it truly is.
I mean, I think, I would imagine
everyone feels it a little differently.
And it's, I I will say that in the
beginning, it, it took me a little
bit to embrace, , at, at first, I
think the first part, , of it, you
know, times kind of like a construct.
I don't know if it was the
first 10 minutes, first hour.
I was having a little tough time
embracing, , my journey and, and
it was, uncomfortable little.
I had some fear there.
, I needed to purge, , and,
accept my journey.
And, and once I did, I, , it
was, I was just, I mean, I wept.
It was, it was just so beautiful.
It just felt like I was.
You know, cocoon of love and,
and happiness and and beauty.
It was it like acceptance?
It was, It was amazing.
It was the euphoric field.
Yeah.
There's a large aspect of once we
accept the journey in the call that
it's providing us, then there's
abundance and are you walking any
differently as you're expressing love?
Because love from people or if you
present the term to love people.
Almost can get uncomfortable, right?
You're like, Oh, I love you.
Or, Oh, you're expressing an act of love.
And if it's outside of social
norms, some people can sometimes
get a little bit creeped out.
Are you finding yourself in a nuanced
exploration of how you're showing love
and how you're receiving it today?
Yeah.
That, I mean, it's well put, I'm showing
of it, most dramatically differently,
today through patients and, just
kind of allowing situations to unfold.
, instead of trying to intervene
or, or trying to put things,
you know, put my 2 cents in.
I, I believe I noticed an
appreciation to my children.
. It's, it's more awakening.
It's more, you're more present,
because you are not interjecting
yourself into the moment.
You're sitting back watching,
being present, being patient.
And I think that, comes together nicely
for me with my children and my family.
That's a great representation.
This idea of by doing this
intense self work, you're now.
Showing up and offering it
through examples to your children
and to the people around you.
Mm-hmm.
, what are you practically
integrating today?
What?
What's landing?
Most recently we've been talking
about love, the connection to father,
the connection to your children.
What are you noticing in your everyday
interactions that you're working
on or actively participating with?
One thing I will also say is that I'm
taking more time just for me the time I
need, whether, , self-care, whether it's
it's going for a run or, or some taking
a steam shower or something like that.
And, and just going through
my day and going through my
emotions, checking in for myself.
And that that has, that, that allows me
to continue the work, that I've been doing
with you to, better myself and, and, and
be present and patient with my family.
Yeah, and I think we lose sight of
that, that the minute we say that
we're taking care of ourself or giving
ourselves self care, that it's perceived
as narcissistic or self-absorbed.
And when I'm listening to you, you're
suggesting, and I love it, that by
doing all this self-care, you're
much more present and showing up
and witnessing the people around
you and the family that you love.
So, Absolutely.
What do you owe this medicine
is a new experience for you?
What?
Without becoming over consuming
of it, what do you owe it?
What has it brought you?
I mean, it's, it's brought me
a new view and, and sort of
permissions to be me that, that
I feel like I didn't have before.
Yeah, it's something I've never
done before, never thought I'd do.
But it, it's made me feel so much
more connected, not only just to my,
my nuclear family, but, my community
and, and, and like the earth.
It's just, I remember just walking
in the grass after just wanting to
plant roots like through my feet.
I think, this, this experience truly
grounded me, truly opened my eyes and, and
allowed me to, to up more gently and, and,
With my ears open, eyes open to the people
I love and, and the world around me.
So Tableau raa.
Exactly, Yes.
Remember that.
You remember it ? I do.
I do.
Yes.
Yes.
That was, yeah, I, think
I said that 30 times.
It was, can you share with me what
that was like?, the one that speaks
most out of me, I purged, at the
beginning, at some point in my journey,
I purged and it was just, it felt
like I was just getting evil out.
Like I was just, just
getting everything out.
And I like the feeling after
was like, I'm, I'm empty of,
of this whatever was inside me.
This, this, what needed to be purged.
And it just felt like this is,
now I'm, I, I'm allowed this clean
slate, this, this new beginning,
this, , I'm, I'm unburdened.
I'm, I'm, I'm lighter.
It was just beautiful.
It was just so much love.
It was like a a yeah.
Just exploding into the sky and seeing.
Beauty storm clouds in, into,
into like the beautiful starry
night with a remarkable image.
It's just, I mean, it, it's, it's
a beautiful thing to respect.
I, it's something that I, you know, I,
I, I think I may do again in the future,
a journey I may take again in the future
just to continue to, to work on myself.
Cause I, I, it's.
It's powerful and it's, it's, it's,
there's a lot of contemplation
that has come up inside you.
It sounds as if there's a lot more
reflection of just the magnitude and
the awe that you're walking with.
Yeah, absolutely.
What is the way that you are
extending yourself to gentleness?
How is Steve.
Being more gentle.
We talked about self care,
we talked about patients.
What are you going to remind yourself
of daily as you wake up with a new day?
Every day is a new day.
Day.
I can, I can, I get to choose how to
live it with my family and part of
something a lot bigger and , just.
Choose to be happy.
Choose to choose to live life with, with
respect and, and how you wanna live it.
Don't, don't waste it.
That's beautifully said.
Tell me when will you know you're going to
wanna dive again and explore this world?
The others, the, the.
For friends, have all, all experie,
expressed interest to do it again.
, and I, they've done it a while ago.
I would, I would think I would probably do
it again maybe in a year, maybe, if I had
something in my life that like that would.
Grants that, that I'd like to go
in with, with, more, more grounded
and with a, , a big life event
that I wanna go in more grounded,
more, with a bit of a blank slate.