Worthwhile

 "It's an anonymous Persian King"

"Ah, Nordsan, what brings you here?"

Have the chickens come home to roost? Or have they scattered to the winds, becoming to feral little dinosaurs, ruling the woodlands as if it were the Earth itself? I have no idea, but what I do know is that Nordsan started this whole mess and Nordsan has to figure it out. With Caesar. And Sensus. And himself really.

Credits:
Nate Gothard as Caesar                 
Hester van der Vyver as Sensus

Thomas Taufan as Xerxes and Narrator 

Written by Mike Jones and Iley Jones
Produced by Bass Mike Studios and Iris Lantern

What is On the Roman Nose?

Turning back the pages of history, In the yesteryears of time, there once was an empire that was mightier than any before and held land greater than any since. A culture rich in architecture, education and art, but there is so little remaining of the Great Khan's dynasty that we can't make fun of it. So to Ancient Rome instead!

Here we join Lord Caesar and his loyal assistant, confidant and friend, Senator Sensus in the famed marble palace, facing diplomatic issues, comedic characters and the burden of leadership.

From the mixed bag of stories in Getting You Home On Friday, On the Roman Nose is slapstick happy, witty, and full of humour in a collection of short and sweet episodes.

(On the Roman Nose, Episode Seventeen, Worthwhile)

THEME SONG: ROMAN MILITARY STYLE DRUMS WITH A FLOURISH OF HORNS.

VOICE: And now to Rome!!!

CROWD CHEERING.

SENSUS: Lord Caesar.

CAESAR: Yes Sensus, I'm over here.

SENSUS: What are you doing in there?

CAESAR: Not much. Just trying on a new breastplate.

SENSUS: Oh, very nice.

CAESAR: Do you like it?

SENSUS: Yes. It is very shapely.

CAESAR: Indeed. A "D" cup.

SENSUS: Is it for you?

CAESAR: No, no, no, no, no, it's for Cleo. I had it made specially for our anniversary.

SENSUS: Right.

CAESAR: Honestly. It isn't my colour anyway.

SENSUS: True, lilac clashes with your eyes. Anyway, Lord Caesar, it is Grand Finals time.

CAESAR: Yes it is!

SENSUS: So you know what this means?

CAESAR: We pass all the unpopular laws through the Senate, unnoticed. Which ones are we looking at
today?

SENSUS: Restrictions to private freedoms, abolishment of some freedoms of speech, a rise in taxes
and the funding of future incursions to protect the empire.

CAESAR: Excellent!

SENSUS: We do have...

A DOOR KNOCK.

CAESAR: What is that?

SENSUS: It sounded like the back door.

CAESAR: We have a back door?

SENSUS: Several.

DOOR KNOCK AGAIN.

CAESAR: Who would come to the back door?

SENSUS: Shy Mormons?

CAESAR: Bit early for them. Go and see, please Sensus.

SENSUS: Certainly, Lord Caesar.

FOOTSTEPS THEN A DOOR OPENS.

SENSUS: Ah, King Nordsan Xerxes.

XERXES: Shhhhh. I'm Incognito.

SENSUS: No you’re not. Ian Conito is our barber.

XERXES: I mean, I am travelling undercover.

SENSUS: Of what?

XERXES: This cover. Can I come in?

SENSUS: Come in, come in.

CAESAR: Who is it, Sensus?

SENSUS: It's an anonymous Persian King.

CAESAR: Ah, Nordsan, what brings you here?

XERXES: Caesar, a thousand apologies, my friend. I had to send my daughter Shadana the Personality.
It's her mother…

CAESAR: Dionysus The Demanding?

XERXES: That's her.

SENSUS: Is there a problem?

XERXES: She is the mother of all mothers.

CAESAR: I understand.

XERXES: She said, Nordy…

CAESAR: Nordy?

XERXES: Please don't repeat this.

CAESAR: Nordy?

XERSES: Please. She says, Nordy, you must find a husband for Shadana. I said that it wasn't that easy.
I mean how many doormats are there? She says, you do this or my mother comes to stay for
good.

CAESAR AND SENSUS: (GASP)

CAESAR: So you sent her to me?

XERXES: Yes, I am sorry.

CAESAR: I do understand. But how sorry are you?

XERXES: About twenty thousand pieces of gold sorry.

CAESAR: That's very sorry.

CASH REGISTER CHING.

XERSES: Interesting place to keep that.

SENSUS: King Xerxes, we may have found an agreeable solution.

XERXES: Really?

SENSUS: Noble Caesar's brother Octavius has offered himself as a…

XERXES: Sacrifice?

SENSUS: Of sorts.

XERXES: Did you have to threaten him?

SENSUS: Of course. Impaling on a pine dresser.

XERXES: Did he want to see the dresser?

SENSUS: Of course.

CAESAR: But rest assured, we will have a wedding that will cement our two empires.

XERXES: How much?

CAESAR: This is going to cost you plenty.

XERXES: You know Dionysus will want to direct the wedding.

CAESAR: The price just doubled.

XERXES: You make this happen, I'll gladly pay, believe me.

CAESAR: Do you have time to join us in an orgy?

XERXES: Many thanks, but I must get back. I have an express galley waiting.

CAESAR: A little conspicuous.

XERXES: It's disguised as a whale.

CAESAR: Does it work?

XERXES: Oh yes, except people keep trying to push us back into the water. When we land and we can't
seem to get rid of a Hebrew stowaway.

CAESAR: Very well. Go in peace, my friend.

XERXES: Thank you once again. I shall not forget this!

CAEASR: We can bank on that.

THEME OUT.

END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones