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The Man On FIRE Podcast is your #1 trusted resource for learning to grow and become the Man and King you were born to be. You’ll hear directly from David Mehler as he provides tools, tips, and strategies for your business, relationship, body, heart, and mindset. This is a must-listen for the man that is ready to rise into his passion, power, and purpose, and live into his full potential!
Learn more at www.manonfirerising.com.
A Hidden Roadblock To Your GROWTH
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[00:00:00] Alright, what is up guys, it is your man on fire mentor here, David Mehler. For those of you that don't know me. I have been around now for 10 years being a mentor to men, and we have built a beautiful company that has been helping men rise with more passion, with more power, and with more purpose. One of the things that we hold as very sacred as men is growing ourselves so that we can show up more powerfully, not only for ourself, but for our children, and for our queen, our wife.
[00:00:34] Other person in your life and become what's called the guardian to her heart. It's very important that a woman can feel safe and that she can radiate and shine her light. And it's up to us as men to exhibit masculine leadership and pave the way and create the sacred space for that to happen. In a woman's life, so we are out there supporting you guys in really getting back your fire and making sure that if you're crushing it in your business, you're also having the same level of success in your relationships, your most intimate relationships, which seems to be a challenge for men.
[00:01:12] We have a lot of men that come into our community where, you know, they have a lot of achievements and successes and they have the plaques and they have the awards and the trophies. They have the money and they have the homes and the one thing that's missing is the trust, the love, the respect from their significant other.
[00:01:28] And that's, uh, painful for us as men, right? Because we'd like to think that almost all of what we're doing, is to really provide in an extraordinary way for our family. So then, When we lose that level of respect, we lose that level of trust. It hurts our heart knowing that we don't have the respect from the one person that we wanted from the most.
[00:01:47] So we're out there helping lots of men understand what's behind that. And if you're new to our community, it's really never about blame. It's never about fault. There's no naming and blaming and shaming and judging and projecting. It's not about where we get a lot of messages from guys. Why is it always the man's fault and what about her and doesn't she have to do this and doesn't she have to do that.
[00:02:08] And, you know, the answer is, you know, it's up to a woman as to how deeply she wants to look at her own life. It's up to her as to, you know, how much she wants to dig up the past and she wants to look at certain traumas or hurts or wounds and how much she's inherited through her lineage. And all we can do as men.
[00:02:26] Is create a sacred and safe space for our partner to want to take that journey in the man on fire world The invitation is always for the man to go first you you grow yourself You show up as an up leveled version of you and let's watch what manifests in your partner That you're, um, interacting with because more often than not, the person that you're seeing is really just a reflection for where you're at.
[00:02:50] And as you start to change how you, how you view her starts to change and how she interacts with you starts to change. And that's, that's a way deeper concept that I'm going to go into on today because today we're going to dive into the center of the fire and we're going to explore the hidden roadblock to your growth.
[00:03:07] What is, what is a hidden roadblock to your growth? I mean, I have literally worked with over 10, 000 men over the past 10 years. And the majority of men, if not all, will say, yeah, David, I want to grow. Yeah. I, I want this life. I want more money. I want more passion. I want more intimacy in my marriage. I. I want more for myself.
[00:03:27] I want to get my fire back and you have all these wants and you're saying that this is what you really want. And my God, I've probably had well over a thousand conversations with people on the phone in the earlier years and a man will sit there and sharing, well, here's the vision that I have for my life and here's what I really want.
[00:03:46] And Then, you know, I'll ask them, well, you know, why don't you have it? And we all have our reasons and stories and excuses, which feels so real at the time that we're giving it. But at the end of the day, most likely what's, what it's really all connected to is I'm scared. I'm scared to fail. I'm scared that I'm not going to be good enough, smart enough, and then I'm going to fail and that it won't work.
[00:04:06] So we all have, you know, reasons as to why we don't have what we truly want. And then what we explore with men is, well, you know, how committed are you? How committed are you to really having this? And, you know, most guys will say, most guys will say 10 and, you know, cause it's the poetic thing to say, or some will say eight and, you know, when you dig deeper into a, why did you say eight or why did you say seven?
[00:04:29] You know, they'll admit, well, I'm scared to fail or everything that I've done in the past hasn't worked. So I'm just scared. I don't even know. Or some will say, I don't even know what it's like to give a level 10 commitment. I don't think I've ever done that. So then, you know, we start to take a look at, okay, well, well, where are things headed?
[00:04:45] Where are things headed in your life? If you don't really address what you know you need to address, which is one of the greatest challenges for a man in the world is to confront, is to face exactly what's in front of him in his life. We've become really good at putting this off into the future, which is called someday we become really good at sweeping stuff under the carpet.
[00:05:08] And we've become really bad at confronting our life and really meeting it head on, like the lion, you know, with the courage or the buffalo that runs into the center of the storm, knowing that the, you know, fastest way to the piece is through the center by moving towards, but towards the storm as opposed to away from it.
[00:05:24] And today, most men, and please don't personalize this, you know, some of you are like, well, that's not me, David. Okay, great. Awesome. If it's not you, but most men. That I've interacted with, they, they run away from the storm. And one of the hardest storms to ever face is, is, uh, in a woman, right? Knowing how to navigate and knowing how to actually address what's going on in your marriage.
[00:05:44] So here's, uh, you know, men that then say, well, yeah, I kind of understand where this is headed. If I don't get this handled. And then, you know, the question is, are you ready? Are you ready? Yes, I'm ready. Yes, I'm ready. And. When it comes time then to make an investment in themselves to step into this life of growth, what ends up happening is the pirates take over the voice in the head, the ego and the ego will say, well, I don't, I don't really have the time right now or now is not really the time or, you know, I'm going to entertain this in six months from now.
[00:06:15] Or a lot of men will say something like, um, I can't afford it. And they're convinced that I can't afford it and I can't spend the money. Or some guys, you know, I need to get my wife's permission or you know, I need to talk to my wife and we have all of these different reasons, stories, excuses and justifications as opposed to just the steadfast commitment of a man putting a sword in the ground and claiming enough, enough of selling myself short enough of selling my family short enough of selling the world short of who I was born to be as a man and saying enough, you know, has to come from a place of power has to come from and be fueled by lots of emotion.
[00:06:55] So. What is this hidden roadblock to your growth? Because here, here you are saying you want to grow, here you are, and you say this is what I'd love my life to look like in a year from now, which by the way, most men don't really know. Most men don't know how to actually have a vision for their life. Most men are just in a boat that is rudderless.
[00:07:14] You are, you know, without control, or out, you're not at the helm of your own ship, and so you end up on this island called divorce, or you end up on this island called where'd all my money go, or you end up on this island called how the hell did I get addicted to pornography, or I get involved in an affair, and you got all these problems, you have no idea how you got there, and, well, you never had a vision.
[00:07:33] And you never had a rudder to your boat and you weren't the captain of your ship. You let the pirates take over in your mind. This is exactly what we help men with, by the way, we teach them how to have mastery over their mind. We teach them how to reconnect with their emotions so that they can get leveraged to make change.
[00:07:45] We teach them how to drop into their bodies and start to feel again, how to actually grow empathy and compassion and how to be fiercely present and bring your presence into everything that you do, especially your intimate relationships. Because I'm willing to guess for any guy that's listening to this.
[00:08:00] One of the biggest things that you'll hear from a woman is she'll say something like you're so in your head, which is her way of saying I can't feel you. And if she can't feel you, she can't trust you. And if she can't trust you, she can't open to you. If she can't open to you, she can't be intimate with you.
[00:08:13] And ultimately you'll hear stuff like, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Because she doesn't trust you. Right? Because you're not in touch with your own emotions and you're living a cerebral life. You're living like Spock. You're living from your head and what she wants is your heart. And I get it.
[00:08:27] It's scary as hell to come back into our heart. You know, we have lots of guys, for example, that have, you know, come from the military. And my God, the stuff that they had to see, you know, uh, when they had to go to war and, you know, how do you, how do you turn that off? You know, how do you, how do you come home and then, and then reconnect with your wife and reconnect with your family and your children?
[00:08:48] How do you do that? Turned into a robot. You had to turn off your feelings and your emotions because if you didn't, people would die. And now you're asked to go home and just be normal. Like, how are you going to do that? And so we all have our own backstory, whether it was the military or whether it was like a childhood that was traumatic.
[00:09:04] It's not safe for many men to know how to feel. And to open up, you know, that box again of being human and having more empathy and compassion. And so one of the things that we're really amazing at within our brotherhood is really teaching a man how to safely start to feel again. How to get out of his head and move back into his heart and be available.
[00:09:23] In his intimate relationships, which is something to be worshipped and cherish. It's so beautiful. And this happens for a man and there's no greater feeling than watching a man come home to himself where we could truly see him. Like, we really see the ego fall away, the head energy fall away and you could feel his heart.
[00:09:39] You could see his soul. It's just magnificent to witness this. And we, we are really good at doing this in our signature event called our man on fire rising for the immersion. Now, with all that said, again, today's topic is the hidden roadblock to your growth. So what, what is this roadblock that I'm referring to?
[00:09:56] Well, there's a lot, but I'm going to get into one of them today. The one that I'm referring to is what's called value. And what happens is that in life you will spend money on what you value. Now, one of my teachers, uh, Donald. He had, uh, a long time ago, taught this beautiful, beautiful, uh, saying about what is sacred.
[00:10:22] And sacred is what you give your time, what you give your energy, what you give your attention to. Sacred is what you give your time, energy, attention, and focus to. And that's what's sacred. So, then we have guys, you know, write down, well, what's sacred to you? And, you know, guys will write down my children, guys will write down my wife, guys will write down, you know, my business, my friends.
[00:10:44] And then if they're really honest with themselves, they'll see that they're not necessarily treating those relationships as sacred because if they're really, really honest with themselves, they'll see that, Oh my God, look at all this time that's going to work. Oh my God, look at all this time that's going to, you know, scrolling through social media.
[00:11:02] And, you know, getting addicted to Tik Tok and all these different social platforms. Oh my God, look at all the time that's going to, um, massage parlors and strip clubs and pornography and alcohol and weed and video games and watching sports. Like, oh my God, well, what you give your time, energy, attention, and focus to is exactly what you've made sacred.
[00:11:22] So have you really made the thing sacred that you're saying you've made sacred? Now here's the problem. The problem is, is that the thing that never makes your list is you. Of all the guys that we ask all the time, what's sacred? Almost never will you hear a guy say, Well, I'm sacred. I'm sacred. I give my, my, uh, energy, attention, focus, and time to myself.
[00:11:42] Like, very rarely will a guy see himself as sacred. And what does that mean in English? It means that most men don't really value themselves. So, I'll give you an example of what I mean. So, here's a man. Doesn't matter what his name is. Here's a man and he wants to change his life. He wants to get back that fire.
[00:12:01] He wants to get back to who, who he used to be. He wants to crush it, you know, in his business or bring it to the next level. He's already doing super well, but he wants to really show up more powerfully in his marriage and for his children, because you know, he's been trapped in his head. He knows he's been trapped in his head and he knows that they can't feel him and the one relationship that, you know, he wants most, he can feel that the trust and the intimacy and the passion and the playfulness, it's just simply not there with his wife or this fiance with his girlfriend.
[00:12:31] And so. You, you then ask this man, well, do you, do you want to become a version of yourself that can show up that way? Yes, I do. Okay. And then you invite a man or I invite a man into a program and all of a sudden once there's money on the table, now all of a sudden the man is saying that I can't do it, I can't afford it.
[00:12:52] Now let me be really clear. There's absolutely some scenarios, some. Where it would be financially reckless for a man to invest in himself. At certain times of his life, and I acknowledge that, but I will tell you as a 56 year old man that more often than not, that is simply not the case. And I know this because this is how man on fire formed.
[00:13:18] I know that when I, uh, invested in myself in six figures, by the way, which I didn't have the money, but I had The desire, I had the drive, I had the hunger, I had the vision, I knew exactly what I wanted to create in this world, I wanted to show up powerfully for my soon to be wife, like I knew exactly where I was headed, and even though I didn't have the money, and here's the key, I valued myself and my growth enough to find the money and to invest in myself, and this is one of the most challenging things for a man to ever do.
[00:13:54] You see you, you ask a man, um, Let's just hypothetically say one of our programs is 5, 000 and you say, okay, well, the investment is 5, 000. Oh, well, I can't afford that. And then, you know, you ask him, let me ask you a question. If your dog got hit by a car and needed surgery and you didn't have insurance coverage, are you coming up with the money?
[00:14:14] Yes, I am. If one of your kids was sick and you needed to come up with the money, would you come up with the money? Yes, I would. Or would you find the money? Yes, I would. Would you all of a sudden have the money? Yes, I would. If your wife needed the money. because she was sick. Would you come up the money? Yes, I would.
[00:14:31] And so why do I say it this way? Because what I want to convey is that we, if we don't value ourselves, we're doing a disservice to ourself. We're doing a disservice to our own soul. And inevitably we're blocking our growth because it's you valuing yourself, which will allow you to invest in yourself, which will allow you to bring an expanded version of who you are to the people that you love most.
[00:15:00] You see, you, you think that it feels noble to say that I would die for those that I love. I would die for my kids. I would die for my wife. And that is very noble. And I honor you and acknowledge you for that. But let me tell you what's more noble, your willingness to live fully for them, your willingness to live into the fullness of your potential for your children and for your wife or your significant other.
[00:15:24] That is the most noble thing you could ever do. So why would a man not do that? Well, number one, he doesn't know this. Number two, he truly doesn't value himself. What does that mean in English? It means that there's, there's deep, uh, buried feelings of inadequacy of, I don't deserve it. I'm not worthy enough.
[00:15:42] Right? You only feel worthy when you're giving to others, right? But until you can learn to give to yourself, which I'm not putting in the category being selfish, I mean, give to yourself when it comes to growing yourself, right? Men will be quick to spend money on alcohol and weed and porn and all this crap.
[00:15:57] So you have money. But you're not valuing your growth, your growth as a man, your growth into masculine leadership, your growth as a father, your growth as a husband. I mean, in life, whatever you invest in, that will grow in your life. And the more invested you are, then the more invested you are, meaning the more you invest in yourself, the more invested you are.
[00:16:20] So what is this? What does this all mean? It means that if you truly want to show up as an expanded, as an up leveled, as a more congruent, more authentic version of yourself. You're going to have to value yourself enough to choose to invest in your growth. Just like anyone that ever got good at golf or any other sport, there was an investment.
[00:16:37] There was an investment of time. There was an investment in money, in hiring coaches and hiring mentors. And in doing so, you become the best at what you're investing in. So if you want to be the best masculine leader, if you want to be the best husband out there, if you want to be the best father, well, guess what?
[00:16:53] It stands to reason that you would have to value yourself to know that you're worth investing in. And if you could value yourself the way you value your children, the way you value your wife, because you would give all the money, you would come up with the money, you'd beg, borrow, steal, you'd do whatever it takes to find money to give to those that you love.
[00:17:09] Why won't you do that for yourself? And so some of us, and this is going to sting and this is going to hurt a little bit. And so one thing that you'll know if you've been following me for a while is I really don't sugarcoat and I give it to men straight. And my promise is that when I do give it to you straight, that you'll have already felt my heart.
[00:17:32] And if you don't feel my heart, then my suggestion is to simply not follow me. And one thing that's missing in a man's life is other men don't give it to them straight. And this was, you know, all the way back 16, 17 years ago when I was going through a separation into a divorce, one of the pain points that I had, but luckily it now led to the formation of man on fire is no one gave it to me straight.
[00:17:55] No one held me accountable. Everyone bought into my stories and my lies and my excuses rather than just giving it to me straight, right? Too much placation. Give it to me straight. Tell me what my soul needs to hear. Tell me what my heart needs to hear. Help me see the truth. Don't let me resist it. Don't let me fight it.
[00:18:13] Give it to me straight. If you really love me, give it to me straight. So I'm giving it to you straight. I'm giving it to you straight in that this comes down to when you give to others, but you won't give to yourself. Really what that's about is there's a huge part of your giving. Yes, it's authentic. Yes, it's genuine.
[00:18:33] Yes, it's real. And there's a whole nother part of your giving that you do that's invisible to you so that you'll feel like you're enough. You'll feel like you're enough. You'll feel significant enough. And for a moment, you don't get to feel like a zero. And you get to feel like a hero. You don't have to feel unworthy, you get to feel worthy.
[00:18:50] As long as I'm giving to my wife, as long as I'm giving to my kids, as long as I'm giving, giving, giving, then I feel like I'm enough. But truly, truly, if you are enough, then you would value yourself enough. And if you would value yourself enough, you would invest in yourself. And if you're a man that's listening to this right now, and you truly want to...
[00:19:10] Invest in your growth if you want to grow as a man, then my suggestion is to invest in that growth. Take seminars, go to something that you resonate with. If it's man on fire, great. Let us know. We'll have a beautiful conversation with you. If it's something else, great. But don't sit there with the same, you know, hamster on the wheel patterns that aren't leading anywhere and hide behind.
[00:19:31] Well, I'd give to my kids who I'd give to my wife. Yeah, but are you giving them the real you? Are you giving them the most authentic, powerful, congruent, passionate man that is fully on purpose living his mission? Is that you? And if not, then I'm not going to sugarcoat it. If not, then you need to consider investing in you and growing yourself because you're not going to get there.
[00:19:55] By twiddling your thumbs, you're not going to get there by sweeping it under the carpet. It's not going to happen. It's not going to be until the day that you declare enough and you decide I am worthy enough. I am valuable enough and it's time to invest in myself and give others the real version of me.
[00:20:11] I say this from experience because had I not gone that route, man on fire never would have formed. We have men that thank us every single day, myself and the team, that if it wasn't for man on fire, I wouldn't be alive today. If it wasn't for man on fire, I wouldn't be married today. If it wasn't for man on fire, I never would have spoken to my father again or my mother again or brought my family back together or my children wouldn't have been in my lives.
[00:20:31] So many beautiful success stories. If it wasn't for man on fire, I'd still have cancer. I might be gone. Like so many amazing, beautiful, heartfelt stories. Because one man, one man said yes to valuing himself. One man said yes to growing himself and wanting to show up for others in this world. And I'm one amongst millions.
[00:20:51] The question is, will you be another one of those men that can finally value yourself enough and stop letting your fears run your life and instead have courage run your life? Right? When I look back on my life, anything that I have, like, just a tiny bit left of regret, Or something if I could get a do over.
[00:21:10] The one wish that I always have is that at that moment I had courage. If I infused myself with courage, the lead emotion, what would I have done? What would have been the trajectory shift? How would I have decided differently in that moment? So now is your opportunity guys. Take courage right now, bring it right into your body, right into your life, right into your heart, right into your soul, and moving forward, be courageous enough to value yourself, and if you're ready for growth, then be willing to invest in yourself.
[00:21:39] And again, whether that's with Man on Fire or whether that's with another company, I'll be excited knowing that you're on that path. Gentlemen, it's with so much love, here's to you rising with passion, with power, and with purpose. It is your Man on Fire mentor, David Mehler.