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The Space for Sistas™ Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Dominique Pritchett, a mental wellness strategist, speaker and therapist along with guests. We explore all topics related to sisterhood, skills and solutions centering on mental wellness without negotiating our identities as Black women. This week we're joined by Lindsey Vertner. After fully recovering from a 2007 “fatal” car wreck that left Lindsey brain-dead and paralyzed, she began serving high-achieving leaders as an awa...
The Space for Sistas® Podcast is a weekly-ish chat with Dr. Dominique Pritchett and guests about all things health and wellness leaving you with actionable solutions to step into our most authentic selves.
Welcome to the space versus this
podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Dominique Pritchett.
And Today I am joined by Lindsay
vert, Nour.
Hello, Lindsay.
Hey, Hey.
Thank you so much for being
here.
I'm excited to chat with you.
I know it's going to be some
good.
You see combo.
I am as well.
Let me introduce Lindsay.
After fully recovering from a
2007 fatal car wreck that left
Lindsey brain dead and
paralyzed.
She began serving high achieving
leaders as an award winning
mindset, expert,
transformational speaker, and
best-selling author.
She teaches leaders, how to
master their mindset and
increase their clarity,
confidence, and connections.
Our unique methods guide her
clients in a way that allows
them to maximize their impact by
fully walking in their God,
given purpose while increasing
their self-care self-worth.
And self-discipline.
She empowers them to create a
first class life for the
purpose, fulfillment and
happiness.
Welcome again.
Thank you.
I'm like, oh, what's she talking
about?
That's you?
That's all you.
That is all you.
I got goosebumps just hearing
that.
I can't wait to experience your
story through your mouth and
your lens and what we'll get to
that.
Cause I'm so excited.
We'll get to that.
Before we dive in.
I am curious when you hear the
three words space for sisters,
what does that mean to you?
A space where black women can
come and be vulnerable.
They can transparently be
themselves without feeling like
they have to put on or turn on,
um, for everybody else in the
room.
So a place where we can just
come let our guard down.
The ourselves be genuine and
feel like we're not going to be
judged because of the color of
our skin and just enjoy the
support and encouragement with
other black women.
I love the notion of being put
on because it's not easy for
many people to be comfortable
walking in their authenticity
because we know as black women
we're scrutinized.
And so to not just beat on that
is such a level of vulnerability
and freedom.
And it's exhausting turning on
all the time.
Absolutely.
So I want to dive right in to
your story.
Can you give us an understanding
of what that experience was like
for you?
The recovery in 2007, So it was
quite the emotional recovery.
Uh, everybody was shocked at my
physical recovery, but they
don't prepare you for the
emotional part of it.
And so to give you a little
backstory, I'm going to share a
little bit more about my story
and what those details look
like.
And may of 2007, I found myself
completely waking up in complete
darkness.
I had no clue where I was.
I went to move, I couldn't move.
I went to speak, can speak.
I couldn't see anything except
the Moonlight shining through an
unfamiliar window.
And so for me, I obviously
watched too much TV because the
only logical explanation I could
come up with is that some psycho
has tied me up and he's waiting
for me to wake up in his
basement so he can torture me.
Because.
What else could there be?
And so I start to panic, like.
And I eventually panicked so
much that I exhausted myself out
to the point where I passed out.
And the next time I woke up, I
thought it was a nightmare.
And I slowly realized I still
can see still can speak move.
See, the only thing that I
changed was now the sunlight was
shining through that same window
that I knew wasn't mine.
And before I could panic again,
I heard voices and a lady walks
up to me and starts asking me
questions and I'm thinking I'm
answering her.
But in reality, the only noise
coming out of my mouth.
Uh, because there was a tube
going down my throat, keeping me
alive.
Turns out this lady as my nurse
and she proceeds to tell me then
an entire week earlier on May
13th, 2007, the car was driving.
Went off the opposite side of
the highway, slipped multiple
times before landing up side.
Um, my head was pinned between
the ground and the entire weight
of the car.
On top of me.
I was immediately pronounced
brain dead on the scene.
But a guy, because despite that
they put me on a helicopter and
lifeline me to a trauma
hospital, where again, by a new
set of medical professionals as
pronounced brain dead on
arrival.
But God.
Because yet again, they
proceeded to do emergency
surgeries.
Anyway, the only reason they
placed me on life support was
until my family could be
contacted, but they didn't even
expect my body to make it
through that.
So.
One minute.
I'm driving home from visiting
my mother on mother's day,
minding my own business.
And the next minute I am waking
up to being told that not only
had I been brain dead for the
past week, but amongst the long
list of injuries, I was also
paralyzed.
Talk about a complete slip on my
life.
And it was in that moment that I
realized that I could either be
a victim to my circumstances,
which is what a lot of us do.
Or I could be a Victor over my
obstacles.
And I chose the ladder and that
entire recovery process became
the foundation of everything I
do as a coach and speaker.
Ooh.
Right out the gate.
And that is okay, because that's
your truth.
You can either be a victim or of
the door.
What helped you decide that?
It was literally in the moment.
So it was my mindset and I
realized it was my mindset that
was really carrying me through.
All of the things.
Um, because we have to realize
that we are fully capable of
creating the life of our dreams.
What I call a first-class life
full of purpose, fulfillment,
and happiness.
But oftentimes we like to sit in
victim mode and when we're stuck
in victim mode, we give up our
power for change.
And so in my head, Um, I'm
laying there.
I'm thinking about all the
things that this lady is telling
me, and I'm like, This is not
the life that I want to live.
It doesn't matter if I threw
myself the world's greatest pity
party, I can't change what has
already occurred.
So how do I move?
So I can create the future that
I actually want and desire to
live.
And that was the first vein
right there.
I had to be faithful.
That it was all gonna work out
for me.
Despite what it looked like
right now with my physical eyes.
And then I had to be intentional
about what it was that I wanted.
So I had to see the vision
again, despite what it looked
like with my logical clear eyes
right now, because sometimes we
get stuck.
We get stuck in what we see in
the right now.
And so that's why we can't get
past it because we aren't
looking past it.
Um, mindset.
Your faith.
And intentionality.
When people hear something like
the first-class life and, oh,
y'all, by the way, today, we
will be chatting about you being
worthy of a first-class life.
Just so you know, When people
hear something like a first
class life.
I imagine folks automatically
think financially.
Hey, that ain't nothing wrong
with that either.
I want some of that too.
Okay.
But we know in order for us to
affirm and declare a first
class, life is starts internal.
It starts in that deep root at
work.
And it's not always on the cuffs
of a traumatic experience such
as yours, but what better time
than ever to say, I'm a Victor
from here at this point, going
forward.
Yeah.
Wow.
Who was in your corner as you
were going through this
experience and even the
recovery.
Luckily, I have a praying
mother, so I'm not sure
everyone's spiritual beliefs,
but for me specifically, I do
believe in God.
And once my mom was contacted
and she got there, it was, oh,
no, we not pulling no plugs.
Yes, thank God for that.
Because again, they had already
been announced being brain dead.
And that was the only reason
they placed on life support
until my family could be
contacted.
So she got on her prayer warrior
mode and was calling all the
people that she knew they were
calling all the people that they
knew.
They were up sometimes
throughout the middle of the
night, just praying.
She never left my side, my level
of intensive care that I had,
uh, no one was allowed to stay
the night.
So when I woke up in the middle
of the night, my room was empty.
But there were a few times where
she convinced.
The night nurse to like, please.
That child convinced.
But so she was doing all that.
She could, my husband, who was
my boyfriend at the time, he,
you know, was trying to travel
back and forth to visit me.
And so I'm very grateful that I
have a community of people and
extended people because not
everybody knew me specifically.
Some people knew me through my
mom or a new meet through who
she had called and who they had
called.
And so I recognize.
How blessed I was to have that
support system.
But as I kind of alluded to
earlier, Guided what he could do
in this spiritual sense.
My medical team did what they
could do in the scientific
sense.
My family and friends did what
they could do in the supportive
sense.
But at some point the choice is
mine.
The Baton was passed to me and I
had to make the intentional
purposeful decision on what my
life was going to look like from
there.
No matter what they said or did.
Yeah.
I love your acknowledgement of
every one and even our higher
power who had a part in, feeling
us.
As a therapist.
I work with a lot of spiritual
and religious folks who believe
in God and.
I was taught and many of them
were taught.
Just pray, just pray, just pray.
Well, we know God is sitting in
those doctors, hands, hearts,
their brains, and everything
else to do what they need to do
to see us get up and.
Go forward and thri.
So that part of your story is a
reminder that if there is
nothing wrong with a little bit
of everything, to give you that
jumpstart and to feel you back
up, but ultimately you have a
shared responsibility over your
own life.
You know what they say, faith
without works is dead.
Yep.
So first Ty's life is actually
an acronym and it stands for the
different characteristics and
skills that we want to embody
into our lifestyle.
To be able to create a first
class life.
The F stands for faithful.
The, I stands for intentional.
And we're going to jump to the a
in class.
Because that stands for action
oriented.
And sometimes we set our
intentions, we make these vision
boards and then we're like, oh,
it doesn't work.
Well, that's only one piece of
it.
One, did you make it correctly?
Because that's a whole nother
podcast in and.
But two, you got to do the work
afterwards.
Like you had to get up and take
some actions.
It's not, oh, I'm going to sit
on the couch and now
everything's going to come to me
because I made this cluttered
vision board without purpose and
intention does a whole bunch of
pretty picture.
No plan.
Nowadays folks are kind of
diluting the concept of
manifestation.
Um, people have, are starting to
believe that manifestation does
not require you to do the work.
And just naturally as a
spiritual person, as a
therapist, as a human being,
that work comes in so many
forms.
And specifically, I wonder how
do people start practicing and
mastering a first class mindset?
Definitely thinking about what
are you thinking?
Because that's where it's going
to start.
You know, we have our
subconscious beliefs, which I'm
sure you are aware of that.
Dr.
Dominique.
And our subconscious beliefs
just below our conscious
awareness, but they control
about 95% of our behaviors.
So we like to think that we're
in control and we can't figure
out I'm saying, I want this, but
I keep ending up in the same
cycle.
A different day, different
people, but same situation it's
because those subconscious
beliefs that we're ignoring and
not acknowledging is what is
controlling our behaviors.
And so our thoughts influences
our words, which subtly
influences our actions, which
shapes the reality that we live
in.
And so first we have to ask
ourselves, what are we telling
ourselves day in and day out?
Because most of our thoughts are
negative.
Most of our thoughts.
Over repetitive.
And your brain's only job is to
bring you all of the evidence to
make those things true, whatever
it is, you're thinking whether
it's true or not.
Because the brain doesn't know
what's fake from what's real
until we assign it.
What's fake and what's real.
So the more that we tell
ourselves, I can't do it, or,
you know, I don't deserve that
promotion.
Somebody else is better for it.
Then our brain is going to keep
giving us evidence for that.
So we have to be mindful of the
things that we're thinking.
And then that's going to start
to influence our words and our
actions and shape the reality.
The reality that we live in.
To piggyback off that.
The average.
Adult has more 70,000 thoughts
per day.
Man.
Imagine if.
50% of them were unproductive,
negative or serve no purpose
towards who you say you want to
be.
And where you say you want to
go.
And what Lindsey is talking
about and you guys can check
previous episodes to explore
this.
Are those unproductive thoughts?
I should have did this.
Well, what if this happens?
The worst case scenario.
We don't know the future of the
best we can do.
Going back to this vision board
is to identify where we want to
go.
Make the plan be so dang on
intentional.
That you mean second guessing?
You know, then it's introduces
the concept of imposter
syndrome.
Some folks are saying, first of
all, black women assigned that
to themselves way too fast and
way too easy.
We are more than qualified, but
as Lindsay said, the narratives
and the stories we tell
ourselves, if we feed it, it's
going to grow.
It's going to build energy.
You use thoughts, words, and
actions in my world.
I use thoughts, feelings, and
actions or behaviors.
When, when, when we start to
feel like, Ooh, I got to do
something with that.
Okay.
And lastly, the subconscious,
thoughts and experiences are
often what we're repressing,
whether it be our traumas.
Flaws.
Bad habits.
Negative experiences.
We're suppressing that stuff,
but if that's controlled like 90
to 98% of our function, and
like, we should do something
about that.
What are your thoughts on that?
Absolutely.
In first class life, there's a
subset And the three pillars of
self, which is self-care
self-worth and self-discipline.
And that's what I hope leaders
should prioritize because those
three things subconsciously
impact every single thing that
we do.
And one of the things that I say
about self care is that.
Part of self care is saying no.
It's establishing and
maintaining boundaries with
every single person in your
life.
It is hailing those negative
experiences because whether you
want them to or not, they are
controlling your behaviors.
So if you don't deal with them,
they're going to deal with you.
And they're going to show up in
the most inconvenient.
Of ways.
So, if we are aware of our
limiting beliefs and how they
show up in our behaviors, then
when they show up, we can say,
all right.
I see you.
I see you fear.
I see you.
Uh, Judy.
That's what we'll call her.
Judy.
Judy is Jana home.
I see you, Judy, making me feel
like I'm not good enough.
Then we can course correct a lot
faster before they behaviors
take shape and we can go in a
more productive direction.
Yeah, those three pillars are
pretty dope.
Self-care self-worth and
self-disciplined correct.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
And I'm pretty sure we could
spend hours unpacking and how to
redefine each of those pillars,
because we know people's version
of self care nails, hair spa
that that's temporary.
Self care should be the practice
of ongoing, nurturing work of
fulfilling work and all the
nails and all the fun stuff.
That's a by-product of what we
really need to do.
Okay.
Oh, the self-worth, you know,
people are like, but I don't
know how to love myself.
Okay.
Well, let's really dissect
self-love and self-worth what do
you feel worthy of?
You wanted it?
One of my signature us speeches
is called the birth right to
belong.
That's good.
And we have got to believe we
were brought into this world
because we are so worthy of
claiming space.
There is no surprise why I named
this space for sisters.
Okay.
And then that self-discipline,
as you said, say a few more nos
and mean them.
No is a whole sentence.
You don't even need to put a
period at the end of y'all want
to.
What other forms of
self-discipline have you noticed
the individuals you work with?
Need to practice more.
Or Neato learn.
Self discipline.
All of these factors go right
hand in hand.
And, you know, you mentioned
about our feelings and that's
where that self-discipline come
in, because I always said like,
we got to get out of our
feelings.
You got to check yourself before
you wreck yourself.
And using myself as example.
I am a night out.
I have always been a night out.
I don't like the mornings.
It doesn't matter if I got a
full eight hours of sleep.
If I got to get up before.
For a certain time.
I am drowsy and I'm like, oh, it
doesn't matter how much I love
my life.
I'm still not a morning person.
Okay.
And so whenever I was in therapy
initially, cause I was
transferred from intensive care
and all of those different
levels to a therapeutic hospital
where I was still in the
hospital, but I was in therapy
every single day, seven days a
week.
From 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, which
meant I had to get up before
eight to be at therapy at eight,
just constantly doing therapies.
I didn't feel like it.
I didn't want to get up.
And to make matters worse.
It was very painful therapy.
Excruciatingly painful.
I didn't feel like intentionally
putting myself through that
Kate, but because I was clear on
what I wanted, it made it easier
for me to push past the pain.
It made it easier for me to push
past my feelings in the moment
and get up and take the action
that I needed to take, to
achieve the goal that I wanted
to reach.
But I didn't feel like it.
That took self discipline
because they didn't have to
force me to get up.
I had to make the choice whether
I was going to get up or not.
They're only going to wake me up
so much before they say, all
right, well, she's not getting
up.
Because there were people that
were like that.
On my floor.
And they had far less
significant injuries, but they
were in there longer before they
were just discharged because
they weren't doing the work.
And why is that mindset?
They were complaining.
They didn't want to do the work.
It was just, oh, woe is me.
And that's why they were left
with that injury longer than
they needed to be.
Right.
Um, thank you for that.
When it comes to mindset.
One of the things I recognize is
I had to undo a lot of people's
narratives and give people back
their story.
as a young black girl, I was
told everything not to do, not
to be, not to say not to do
anything, but I was never given
the accomplishment to build my
own identity.
And so other people's story is
how I operated.
And so those days where I didn't
want to get out of bed while
other people didn't get up and
go to work.
So that is a huge part to
mindset.
Is shifting a redefining this
narratives you're telling
yourself.
Of why you can't do something,
why you can't try something.
Why you can't tell old girl?
No.
Well, you've never told a note
before and she's operating in a
virtue that you've allowed her
to.
Who's that Judy.
Judy the imposter, so that is so
huge.
And speaking of your therapy,
are you talking about physical
therapy or psychological mental
health therapy?
I had all other therapies
because the majority of my
injuries.
I was to my head.
So I had cognitive therapy,
occupational therapy, physical
therapy was the majority.
Well.
The majority of the injuries was
here, but then I had a
significant chunk that was
physical therapy because I was
paralyzed.
And so it was trying to see what
I'd be ever to walk again.
Like I had to go through shock
therapy.
That was the most painful.
Because for anybody that's
unfamiliar, they had to hook my
body up to wires.
And then, um, it was a
therapeutic version of
electrocution.
Okay.
They started low with the
voltage and then they slowly
increased it.
And you know, at first it's
like, Ooh, A little bit
uncomfortable, but as they
increased it, that was painful
and get this.
They didn't know if it would
work.
And so some people would be
like, oh, you don't know if it
was work well, then I'm not
going to put myself through
that.
But again, when you're faithful
that it's all gonna work out for
you when you are clear on what
you want, setting those
intentions, because fuzzy
intentions produce fancy
results.
Then when those moments come,
when there's pain, there's
obstacles.
It makes it easier to keep going
because you know what you're
fighting for.
So I was in every single
therapy, probably imaginable.
All day long, every single day.
Everything Lindsey is talking
about, comes with practice.
And a declaration.
Historically many people didn't
make declarations for us to
level up the aid.
People may declarations and pass
laws, all of this stuff to
disenfranchise, but you have the
authority.
You have the first class
opportunity to declare over your
life that it can, and it will be
different.
As much as we want to look
towards the vision plan and see
the future, it is just as
important to be so mindful and
aware.
I'm a throw another S on your
pillars, that self awareness.
Yeah.
Be so aware.
And what Lindsey is talking
about, came in phases.
And, um, I can imagine, and you
can speak to it that.
This is still a healing journey.
But when we practice being in
the here and now we rec we can
except man, I'm not okay today.
And it's okay.
Not to be okay.
Choosing to be a Victor over a
victim.
Doesn't mean every day is going
to be roses, rainbows and
puppies.
It means that you're just making
a commitment to keep trying and
doing the very best because
you're worthy and you deserve
it.
I have a story for that, if it's
okay.
Go for it.
So.
The self-awareness that is
covered in the r instead of the
S as I call it reflective.
Which is being self aware of how
you impact your environment and
how your environment impacts
you, including the people that
may be in that environment.
And this is why that's so
important because.
If we don't understand how the
people around us, the
environment around us is
impacting us internally.
Then we will subject ourselves
to whatever internal conflict
that is causing us.
So when you're feeling a little
anxious, when you're feeling a
little agitated, but you don't
quite know why it's probably
your environment or the people
in your environment.
You know, and we have to be able
to adjust for that.
Like, okay.
I know that every time I go to
this building, I get anxious.
I get Canik attacks.
I get nervous.
I get sweaty.
I get clammy.
So we need to remove ourselves
from that environment.
And if it's something like
workers, something like that,
that we aren't able to remove
ourselves, then we need to
figure out how can I make
adjustments?
So this environment is an
impact.
I mean, negatively.
The story that I was going to
share was.
Once in the hospital, I have
always hated taking pills.
I will choke on them paying.
Like to this day, if the pill is
too big.
I don't want it get somebody
else to do it.
And so one day my nurse she's
coming in to give me my daily
medications and I noticed.
And it was a very subtle thing.
Like if I wasn't self aware of
my surroundings, I would have
missed that one extra pill that
was on the tray.
And so I said, what's that.
And she said, oh, that's for
your depression.
I said, what.
She said, that's a pill for your
depression.
I said, I'm not depressed.
She said, well, yesterday you
were crying.
And so I had the doctor write
you some medicine for
depression.
Like he knows what that would
have done to me down the line.
You know, I don't know what
medicine that was.
So I had finally had the
breakdown, like the whole time I
had been in the hospital.
I hadn't cried.
And then one day, everything hit
me all at once.
And I was just, I woke up just
full of tears and crying.
And considering what I've been
through.
I think I deserve the right.
Okay.
And so she had walked in on that
moment when all of the things
hit me at once and I realized,
you know, wow, I've been through
a lot and I'm still here going
through all the things and she
took it upon herself to not talk
to me at all, but to go to the
doctor and say, oh, she needs
this.
She needs that.
And he wrote the prescription.
So I did not take the medicine.
I said, I'm not taking that.
I'm not taking that.
And then when my doctor came in,
later on in the day, I was like,
oh yeah.
So.
Here's what happened with the
nurse and I'm not taking that
and he removed it.
And after that, she kind of had
a little.
I will spank attitudes towards
me because I trained her, but
that's why we have to be self
aware.
That awareness comes with
people, places and things.
I am glad that you invited
people to make the changes in
the environments.
They can't always escape or,
totally pivot from Yani job
jobs.
Don't don't go doing the Beyonce
song.
Which is not whatever the song
is.
Don't go do that and stay living
doc.
Dr.
Dominique said it.
If you're at work and it, that
is activating you, I identified
the pieces that you can have
responsibility for in those
environments where you're
activated, you don't feel
psychologically safe and you can
listen to a previous episode,
about that.
The psychological safety is, can
you show up as yo y'all amazing.
Melanated itself, make mistakes,
get it wrong and not be
ridiculed or, denigrated,
because you did something humid
that did not even put a debt in
productivity.
So, whatever it is, can you be
psychologically safe at work?
If you cannot answer yes.
To that, either identify what
are the infrastructures I need
to put in place.
What active allies I need to
establish.
Do I need to have certain
conversations with supervisors,
HR, take medical leave user
FMLA, get in I get a coach like
Lindsey, do what you need to do.
Two.
Take ownership.
And walk in.
Your first class life.
So Lindsey.
As we get ready to wrap up any
final thoughts.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So I want everyone to remember
where your focus goes, your
energy flows and that, that you
focus on you attract more of
into your life.
So again, remember all of these
things are not standalone
things.
They all are intertwined and
work together.
Being faithful.
And it's all gonna work out for
you.
Despite what it looks like with
our logical current vision.
Remember, we have to look past
that being intentional on what
it is that we want for
ourselves.
But as the intentions produce
fuzzy results.
So you have to be crystal clear.
And believing that you are
worthy of all that you desire
that you are more than good
enough.
Have always been good enough
will always be good enough.
For the things that you desire
and knowing that you have to
take action.
Intentions and actions is where
the magic happens.
So remember where your focus
goes, your energy flows and the
things that you focus on, you
attract more.
Into your life.
So be mindful of your thoughts.
I trust and believe that.
You are fully capable of
achieving all that you desire
and you are more powerful than
the blacks in your life.
Cause I'm of the firm belief
that if I can literally come
back from death bed, then
there's no obstacle that you
can't overcome to achieve your
goals and dreams.
ThAnk you says.
So as we get ready to wrap up,
where can our audience find you
on the socials and in the world?
Absolutely.
So I am at Lindsey Verner.
Across all platforms.
So just pick your poison as long
as you spell my name, right?
L I N D S E Y V E R T N E R.
You can find me on all of the
social media platforms.
And my website is live a
first-class life.com.
And I actually have a
complimentary gift for your
listeners.
do she dare take action.
download.com is where you can
download your complimentary
action plan guide.
This is going to help you to
break down your goals.
And any effective way and in a
way that you are more likely to
follow through with taking
action towards those goals.
So that's at take action.
download.com.
Please do reach out to me, tag
myself, tag Dr.
Dominique, and your insights and
ahas so we can join you in the
conversation.
Awesome.
Thank you so much for listening
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