Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Ministry Wives & Women is a podcast for ministry wives and women seeking encouragement, spiritual depth, and honest conversation for the journey of faith. everyday life, and the challenges of church leadership. Hosted by Andrea Griffith, each episode offers thoughtful wisdom, real stories, and gospel-centered hope to help women live with greater resilience, authenticity, and grace in every season.
[00:00] [Teresa Whiting] You actually cannot be critical and curious at the same time.
[00:03] [Andrea Griffith] Okay, thank you for that.
[00:04] [Teresa Whiting] Yes. So I realize when I'm really critical, I'm like, "Oh, we need to swap this narrative around and start asking some questions," because you cannot do both.
[00:13] [Andrea Griffith] Welcome to the Ministry Wives and Women Podcast. This is a place where we openly address the challenging realities of ministry and point one another to Jesus and the gospel. Whether you're thriving, barely holding on, or somewhere in between, you are not alone. I'm Andrea Griffith, and each episode brings honest conversations, biblical encouragement, and stories from women who understand this calling. This podcast is part of The Church Hub, where we're committed to strengthening ministry leaders and the families who walk with them. We're so glad you're here. Well, welcome to The Church Hub Podcast. I'm Andrea Griffith. I'll be your host today, and I'm so excited because I have my good friend, Angela Davis, who is here with me today. Welcome, Angela.
[01:04] [Teresa Whiting] Thanks, Andrea. It's good to be here.
[01:06] [Andrea Griffith] I'm so happy to have you. So, I remember, I think, meeting you and Jim when you came on as new speakers for—
[01:14] [Teresa Whiting] I think that's right, yes.
[01:15] [Andrea Griffith] For Family Life. And one thing that people might not know is when you come to be a new speaker at Family Life, you always have to do a what?
[01:24] [Teresa Whiting] A skit. A skit. Oh my goodness, yes.
[01:26] [Andrea Griffith] And do you remember yours and Jim's?
[01:27] [Teresa Whiting] I do. We did the Saturday Night Live Weekend Update. Yes. So we were the anchors. I can't remember who did that first side, Norm MacDonald and somebody else. Yeah. Yeah, so we basically just spent our time roasting why skits are terrible and how bad it is that Family Life asked us to do this. Probably made fun of everyone.
[01:48] [Andrea Griffith] Yes, and your skit was the best one that year.
[01:51] [Teresa Whiting] Thanks.
[01:51] [Andrea Griffith] By far, it was great.
[01:53] [Teresa Whiting] We had a great time doing it. I mean, we were cracking ourselves up. We were laughing so hard, but we were like, this is either gonna get us kicked off the team because we've offended everyone, maybe even Dennis Rainey 'cause we made fun of Arkansas. But, or it could go really well.
[02:07] [Andrea Griffith] And it went really well. Trust me. All of us in the audience were also laughing.
[02:11] [Teresa Whiting] Good.
[02:11] [Andrea Griffith] It was great. You did a great job. And then I think the next time I ran into you was in San Antonio, Texas, where we were piloting the Weekend to Remember, the updated version. And I got to know you sitting in a gondola. That's right. Yeah.
[02:28] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah. Totally forgot that.
[02:29] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah. Going through the canals in— San Antonio. So I remember some things that you said there.
[02:38] [Teresa Whiting] Okay.
[02:38] [Andrea Griffith] But could you just tell our listeners a little bit about you and your experience in ministry?
[02:43] [Teresa Whiting] Because it's a lot. Sure. So, well, if you hear my accent, you know, I'm obviously from the South. I'm from Mississippi. And I grew up there, went to college there, and then thought I was going to, you know, go into a career. But God really changed my heart through Cru at Ole Miss. And I decided to intern for just a year, just a year, God, I'm only gonna intern for a year. And I did. And then of course, I did what a lot of people do. I came on staff after that one-year internship, spent a couple years in Mississippi at both Ole Miss and State, and then ended up going overseas to Italy on stint, which is where I met Jim, my husband, which is a cool story. And then we stayed there long-term. On long-term campus staff for about 3 years that time, so 4 years total. Moved back to Mississippi. Overall, we're on staff with Cru for about 14 years, going between Italy and Mississippi a couple of times.
[03:39] [Andrea Griffith] Okay, so I was gonna say, not everybody knows what STINT is.
[03:42] [Teresa Whiting] Yes, that's true. Short-term international trip. I think maybe it was the last T, I'm not sure.
[03:48] [Andrea Griffith] Okay, okay, so you were doing mission work between Italy and Mississippi for how many years?
[03:54] [Teresa Whiting] About 14, all with college kids. That was the common denominator.
[03:58] [Andrea Griffith] Okay, okay. And so when you left Italy, where did you go?
[04:04] [Teresa Whiting] We went back to Mississippi, but instead of Starkville, where Mississippi State is, we went to Ole Miss. And we ended up, Jim came off staff at that point, I stayed on. He became a pastor at a local church, and we were in Oxford for about 6 years before a church here in Orlando asked him to be the pastor. And we moved here about a little over 7 years ago now.
[04:28] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, and that's how we came to know you guys. So Angela is a counselor. Yes. She's a mom of 4, the wife of Jim Davis, as you just said, who is the pastor at Orlando Grace. Correct. Yeah, so how many years total have y'all been in ministry?
[04:46] [Teresa Whiting] Oh gosh, I've never even really counted it up.
[04:49] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah. 20-plus. 20-plus years. And how many years has he been a pastor?
[04:56] [Teresa Whiting] Let's see, maybe about 13 now.
[04:59] [Andrea Griffith] Okay, so 13 years raising 4 kids. Yes. Getting your master's degree, all the things.
[05:06] [Teresa Whiting] He got his master's degree too. Yeah, so it has, it's been a ride.
[05:10] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, yeah. Well, I know a little bit about your story and just some of the resilience that you've had to have, both you and Jim, with health things, with with schooling, with raising 4 kids. And now working as a counselor. And I would love to be one of your counselees, by the way. Just one time you said something to me and it was so great and strong. And it's just been something that I've carried in my soul. And so, I'm like, "Man, if I could get that every week, I'm in." Thanks, Andrea.
[05:46] [Teresa Whiting] I mean, I'm gonna credit the Holy Spirit with that, but I'm glad. I'm glad.
[05:49] [Andrea Griffith] Yes. So as a counselor, as a pastor's wife, as a mom of 4 kids, how do you maintain your own emotional and spiritual health while you're supporting all these other people and all of these other things that you're juggling? What does that look like for you?
[06:10] [Teresa Whiting] Well, I mean, and I think we'll probably get into how this fleshes out as we talk, but basically, I really do need to have close friends. I mean, community is so important. So, I have the people I feel safe with that I can talk about what's going on in my life. Because I know myself, that helps going to counseling and kind of understanding my story and maybe the ways that I cope in a negative way. One of the ways that I do that is I isolate or I stuff it.
[06:40] [Andrea Griffith] Me too, me too.
[06:41] [Teresa Whiting] I don't wanna deal with emotions, I'd rather distract myself. And so, I've had to learn that that is, you know, the way I will go if I'm not in community, and if I don't have people asking me good questions or giving me space to talk about what's going on. So that's hugely important. I also think my time in the Word and my relationship with God is so important, because my job is to sit with people who are going through hard things, and who are suffering. And sometimes that can— we can sit together for years, And I know at times I can lose hope. And my job is to hold out hope for this person. And when I start feeling like, "Oh God, like, I'm struggling here to find the hope," I have to keep going back to him through prayer, through remembering what his word says about who he is and how he shows up for us, so that I can come back in the room day in and day out and hold out hope for not just myself, but other people. So being connected to him is hugely important. And then, I think knowing what's mine to carry and what's not.
[07:48] [Andrea Griffith] That's so good.
[07:49] [Teresa Whiting] So, a lot of people, which is how I got into counseling, I realized people would just open up and start kind of laying things out for me. And at first, I would kind of take all that on, and it would feel so heavy. But I've had to realize, "Okay, what is actually mine to hold?" Or what is mine to kind of, I listen and I help in the moment, but I have to let it go. 'Cause it's not mine to carry.
[08:13] [Andrea Griffith] That's so good. I know recently I've done a tool that I draw a big circle of God's sovereignty.
[08:22] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[08:23] [Andrea Griffith] The circle represents all of his sovereignty. And then I draw a small circle for what's actually mine. And when I can get those two right, it's so freeing.
[08:34] [Teresa Whiting] Absolutely.
[08:35] [Andrea Griffith] But I don't often live it out very well, which is why I have to draw it.
[08:39] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah, sometimes you think that big circle is yours.
[08:41] [Andrea Griffith] Exactly. I live as if that big circle is mine. Is mine, which is why I need just the exercise of sitting down and drawing it. You know, what is actually mine?
[08:50] [Teresa Whiting] That makes sense.
[08:51] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, that's—
[08:52] [Teresa Whiting] that's got to visually see it sometimes.
[08:54] [Andrea Griffith] I do. And write it out. So, um, can you share about a time that you remember— we've been talking about this, this time on our podcast on resiliency.
[09:04] [Teresa Whiting] Okay.
[09:05] [Andrea Griffith] And we've been talking about, um, that resilience is the strength to endure hardship, suffering, and challenges without losing faith, hope, or love, which is exactly what you were just Yes. Like, how do I hold out hope to people who don't have any? And so, have you had a time in your life where you've really had to dig down to be resilient? And what was that time like? What does that look like for you?
[09:32] [Teresa Whiting] Gosh, I mean, so many times. There's a wealth of stories there. But thinking about just the audience, one that came to mind was in 2020. And I know you know this story, but obviously COVID's happening, and it's an election year. There's a lot of things that are kind of coming to a head. And in our church, Jim had been the pastor about 2 years. So we have a lot of people with a lot of different thoughts on how to handle the mask or no mask, or showing up or not, how Jim should be handling that election cycle. A lot of people have opinions, and then there were just a few more things. He had a podcast that had its own subject that people weren't excited about. And so all these things came to a head, and really just a mass exodus happened from our church. Wow! And again, we've been there 2 years, so we are still feeling like the newbies, and we're still trying to get our feet under us. And the people that were leaving were the people who had really like loved on us when we came in. They had felt to me like the people I could trust, I kind of looked up to, respected. And in that moment, in that time period, when they're saying really bad things about my husband in our church, I went to my, you know, my default pattern of coping. And that's, hey, I'm gonna isolate, I'm gonna put a huge wall up, I'm gonna just kind of nurse my pain, which kind of festers into anger and bitterness. And I had some really great things to hide behind. Like, I have 4 kids, and my youngest is, you know, my most challenging. And he was probably 4 or 5 at the time. And I just really, I hid behind him. He needed a lot of oversight. And I was okay with that. And I slowly kind of faded into the background, believing this narrative that was just kind of eating away at my heart. And it wasn't— I let that go on for, gosh, 6, 9 months until I really, through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I believe, to check in with myself. And I went to a counselor. I was like, I need to come in. I need to start talking about this. I try to do that, you know, regularly. But we hadn't established someone since we were kind of just coming to town. I was trying to establish all my kids in school. Yeah. But I needed a place where I could just start talking about how I felt instead of stuffing it down and ignoring it and distracting. Yeah. And she really was so wonderful at asking me questions like, "Why do you feel that way? What makes you feel that way? Why do you see it that way?" Helping me kind of unpack this narrative that I'd built for myself that wasn't necessarily "True." But yet, at the same time, giving me empathy and really, you know, I'm trying to think of the word, normalizing how I felt. And that was healing for me. So that was one of the biggest things was going somewhere where I could talk to someone. Now, that doesn't have to be a counselor. I also, in that time period, was developing good friends.
[12:55] [Andrea Griffith] That's great.
[12:56] [Teresa Whiting] That felt safe and that held space for me. And so, and then also with Jim. So, I didn't do it well in the beginning. I had to learn that my default pattern was not good. Yes. And start to realize, "Okay, what do I need to put into my life that can help me find the resiliency I need to move through this hurtful time?" And start to ask, instead of just how I see it, "What might God want to be doing inside of me, inside of my husband, inside of this church? Like, what is he up to? Could I be curious about that instead of just angry?" about my experience.
[13:34] [Andrea Griffith] That's all so good. I have so many thoughts running through my head. I'm thinking about the Scripture where David says, "You became my enemy, you who were my friend." If it was someone way out on the outskirts that was leaving, I wouldn't care so much. "But you were my companion," David said. And it sounds like that's exactly what you guys were experiencing. And I think that's very typical, sad to say, And I think that's why it hurts so much.
[14:06] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[14:07] [Andrea Griffith] It's the people that we least expect to leave.
[14:11] [Teresa Whiting] Right. You're right.
[14:12] [Andrea Griffith] Yes. And they're the ones leaving. And that's what takes us so off guard. And even just hearing your self-awareness to be able to eventually see— and I'm the same way. I withdraw and then I'm like, "Wait, why am I way over here?" Yes. And I have to, like, trace it back. "Oh, because I withdrew because of that pain," or whatever it was. But your self-awareness to be able to say, "Okay, that's my pattern." Mm-hmm. "Yours is withdrawing, that's mine." What are some others that you see typically when we're in pain?
[14:47] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah, some ways that we maybe cope that aren't so great?
[14:49] [Andrea Griffith] Yes.
[14:50] [Teresa Whiting] Well, I mean, I think some of the most popular ones are stuffing it, numbing it with a lot of different things that we can numb with, right? Yeah. There's lots of opportunity. Yeah. Distracting ourselves by not thinking about it or focusing on something else, like I did with the kids. Yeah.
[15:08] [Andrea Griffith] And they don't even necessarily— they're not necessarily bad things.
[15:12] [Teresa Whiting] No, they're not.
[15:12] [Andrea Griffith] I distract myself with a fiction book.
[15:15] [Teresa Whiting] Okay, yes.
[15:16] [Andrea Griffith] But I've had—
[15:17] [Teresa Whiting] Television shows, fiction books. Yes, yes.
[15:19] [Andrea Griffith] Absolutely.
[15:20] [Teresa Whiting] Social media, scrolling on your phone.
[15:22] [Andrea Griffith] Yes. And maybe it's okay to step out for a little bit to get my equilibrium, but how often? Right. And how long?
[15:30] [Teresa Whiting] Exactly.
[15:31] [Andrea Griffith] Am I staying?
[15:32] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[15:32] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, what are some other things you've seen?
[15:34] [Teresa Whiting] There are ways that we kind of— that's kind of more of like we're getting out of our window of tolerance type of thing. We can't really be present in the motion because we're emotionally dysregulated. So we might go to fight and flight, which is like pushing us towards action. I'm either gonna fight back with you. Yeah. So maybe I'm gonna say something really nasty. Yeah. Or I'm gonna run away. Yeah. And then we can freeze or fawn. Like we're just, we're not really there. We have kind of shut down. Yes. Depression can look like that at times. Anxiety would be more over here with the fight and flight, and depression would be more in the freeze and fawn. Like, I'm trying to get back into your good graces. I'll do whatever I need to do to make you want me again or accept me. So yeah, there are ways that we definitely, just our default patterns when we aren't able to really be present.
[16:29] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, and as pastors' wives, there are so many expectations, I think, on us. And so, a lot of times we disappoint people.
[16:40] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[16:40] [Andrea Griffith] And so, what do I now do with the fact that this person is disappointed with me? I can either distract myself, I can just withdraw, I can somehow try to fight back. I love what you just said about I can cave and try to appease, try so hard to appease. And I kind of see myself really in all of those.
[17:02] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah.
[17:02] [Andrea Griffith] And I'm hoping our listeners are listening to see, you know, where am I? What is my default pattern in that? And you mentioned how you started to see that and going to a counselor. Yes. And mentioned how she asked such great questions. Yes. What did those questions do for you?
[17:24] [Teresa Whiting] So, I think one of the things that most counselors do, I think most counselors would do, or at least the ones that I know that were trained in the same way I was, is we try to understand what's going underneath. Yeah. What is the story I've been telling myself? So we all kind of create these narratives, especially when we isolate. We create our own narrative about what happened. And alone, we will embed that narrative with guilt, with shame, with anger, with bitterness. Yeah. And that becomes the story. Yeah. And so we need people who— and this is what's happening in the therapeutic setting. You have someone who is sitting with you, holding a space for you to be able to show up and tell your story. And they're gonna ask you questions that's gonna help you really understand, okay, so how did we get here? What are the elements that created this? Yeah. Now, are there places that we're overlooking, like maybe where you were resilient or where someone did support you, or you are seeing growth? Like, how have you grown through this?
[18:28] [Andrea Griffith] So good.
[18:29] [Teresa Whiting] Like, some elements of our story that we're missing? Yeah. How to celebrate the wins.
[18:33] [Andrea Griffith] The wins.
[18:33] [Teresa Whiting] How to celebrate the wins.
[18:34] [Andrea Griffith] How to see the wins and then celebrate. Yeah.
[18:37] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah. But even bigger than that, and I will try to put this in a nutshell because attachment, I don't know if you're familiar with the term attachment or attachment theory. Like, that's really where I come from as a counselor. And in a nutshell, that's basically kind of understanding how we do relationships.
[18:57] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah.
[18:58] [Teresa Whiting] So obviously, God created us to— we're born in this world wanting to be seen. We're wanting to be soothed. That's what our parents do for us. They emotionally regulate us as children. We wanna feel safe and we wanna feel secure. And so that starts in infancy, right? Like how your caregivers show up and meet those needs establishes a foundation of how you do relationships for the rest of your life, which is crazy.
[19:24] [Andrea Griffith] Right, yes.
[19:25] [Teresa Whiting] But it's set so early on. And if that doesn't happen, that secure attachment, then we're gonna develop ways that insecure attachment are gonna distance us from people. And so that could look like, well, you know, I don't trust people because I'm afraid I'm gonna be hurt or I'm gonna be betrayed or abandoned, or, um, I just can't trust others. I don't want them to think I'm weak. Yeah. And so we kind of build these walls. Yeah. Distance ourself. And in therapy, that's a great place that week after week you show up and someone is consistently there. They are making you feel seen. Yes. They're making you feel soothed. Yeah. We try to emotionally regulate as much as we can when someone's upset. Yeah. We help you feel safe and secure. So you're building that secure attachment even just in going to a counselor.
[20:18] [Andrea Griffith] Yes.
[20:19] [Teresa Whiting] Week after week.
[20:20] [Andrea Griffith] Yes.
[20:20] [Teresa Whiting] Which is in turn changing the way you will show up in relationships.
[20:24] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah. It's changing the way I'm gonna relate to others.
[20:27] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[20:27] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah. I've had a couple times that, um, I've gone to counseling and it has been so So helpful. I remember a season after we had planted our church, Gospel City, in Granger, and we'd been fostering a little boy for 5 years. And COVID was happening. And I didn't realize it, but I had an autoimmune, and I was really hurting. And I couldn't figure out what is happening to me. Like, I just knew something is way off. I don't know what it is.
[21:00] [Teresa Whiting] So I—
[21:00] [Andrea Griffith] scary. It was very scary. And because I was like, am I losing my mind? Like, what is happening? And so just finding a counselor and being able to go every week and just talk. And as I would share, she would mirror back to me and she would just say, wow, there's a lot of hurt. Yeah, I'm hearing a lot of hurt. But as I I talked, I'm an outward processor anyway. So, I hear things as I'm saying them. And starting to see the false narrative that I was living in. And it's almost like this little prison.
[21:40] [Teresa Whiting] Exactly.
[21:41] [Andrea Griffith] You don't even know you're in it. Yes. Until you start to see it. And once you start pushing on the walls, at least for me, the walls were really flimsy. And— but I didn't even know to push on them until I was going to counseling, and then hearing her just kind of mirror back to me, and then to be able to push on those walls. And every time I'd leave, I felt lighter. I felt ready to reengage back into all that God had called me to do. And so, I'm a huge, huge fan of counseling.
[22:16] [Teresa Whiting] Good. I mean, I am too, obviously. But we, you know, it doesn't have to just be a counselor. Like, we can have gospel friends who will show up for us in the same way. They just have to be people that you feel like you can be vulnerable with, who are trustworthy, who are curious. Like, they're not critical of you, but they're curious about what's going on. That's basically what counseling is. We're just curious people about what's happening underneath for you.
[22:45] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, that's such a good word, to stay curious, 'cause if I stay curious, I'm not defensive. Exactly. I'm leaning in to try to find out more.
[22:55] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah. You actually cannot be critical and curious at the same time.
[22:59] [Andrea Griffith] Okay. Thank you for that. Yes.
[23:01] [Teresa Whiting] So I realize when I'm really critical, I'm like, "Oh, we need to swap this narrative around and start asking some questions," because you cannot do both.
[23:08] [Andrea Griffith] Yes, you're right. So I've heard both times as you've been talking, you've mentioned having good friends, like gospel friends. So, One of the things that is true about pastors' wives, if you look at surveys, if you are able to talk to some of them, all the research tells us that pastors and wives are some of the loneliest people on the planet. So, I would just ask you that question, "How?" Like, let's say I'm that person. I don't feel safe talking to women in my church. I may not even feel safe talking to the elders' wives, because I mean, those Elders are my husband's bosses. So, if there's something, you know, really bad going on, and I'm not feeling safe, I'm not feeling seen because I'm running around putting out all the fires in the church, dealing with my own kids.
[24:10] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[24:10] [Andrea Griffith] I'm watching myself isolate. I don't have those friends. How do I find them?
[24:17] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah. Yeah, that's a great question. And, you know, it's gonna look different for different people, but I will say in the two church contexts that we've been in, they have felt very different. Yeah. In the first church, I didn't even feel like a pastor's wife. And I don't know if that's because my husband was an associate pastor and there wasn't as much maybe focus on us. I developed some really good friends in the church, and I felt when I showed up to church, just like a normal person. And that enabled me just to be who I was. Yeah. In moving to Orlando, I would say that I do have friends in the church, but they are also probably parents of kids who are at my kids' school. Like, we have other overlaps.
[25:06] [Andrea Griffith] Okay.
[25:07] [Teresa Whiting] Not just from church. And I don't know if it's just the consistency of seeing them more than just once a week or twice a week, like we're seeing each other daily, enabled us to develop these friendships, or even around having kids the same age, or playing the same sports, or sitting in the stands together. You know, a lot of it is convenience of place. Yeah. Who is showing up with you at the same place? But then I would notice they're also at church. And so we also think the same things, or we value the same things. We're coming from the same spiritual lens. Yeah. And I would more start to pursue those people. Yeah. And I am not afraid you know, with like a Bible study that the church is putting on. I know one time I got placed in a small group with a leader that I was like, "I 100% do not feel safe with this person." So I did tell the lady doing the groups, I'm like, "Please just keep this to yourself, but I need to move." Like, I did have to advocate for myself at times.
[26:04] [Andrea Griffith] I love that though. I love that you advocated for yourself. Yeah, yeah.
[26:08] [Teresa Whiting] And then I told Jim too, like with community group, I felt a sense after I started doing the work of trying to understand why I was putting up all these walls, what is God doing in our church, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to reach out to others. Like, he showed me, he's pushing me back into the church, back into community. So, I need to make more effort. I realized like, "Okay, God, you were giving me a nudge here." And so, I wanted to get back into community groups. And I really kind of formed the community group I would feel safe in. I don't think that's wrong as a pastor's wife, Yeah. Because I think the church shouldn't just be a place we show up and serve, but we should also be a part of the body.
[26:50] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah.
[26:51] [Teresa Whiting] And I wanted to feel like a part of the body. Yeah. And so we did. We put couples in there that, like, I had relationship with, or that we knew would be safe. And I have pushed myself at each group to be honest, and to share what's really going on.
[27:09] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah.
[27:10] [Teresa Whiting] So that I know I have people who are there to support me.
[27:14] [Andrea Griffith] That's so good. I think I did it all wrong. We heard recently that some of the people on our staff, they're in a small group, and they've been in that one small group for all the 13 years, you know, that we were there. And it was exactly what you said. They found people that they felt safe, and they could be honest, and they could be real. I think every time I showed up at church, I just felt like it was to give. And so, I would try to— I didn't even try. People would say, "This is the woman that is the most needy. She's in Andrea's group." You know, or things like that. And it's taken me a really long time to learn everything you just said, that it's okay to seek out those safe people and have relationship there. I don't always have to be the one that's pouring out. That's right.
[28:10] [Teresa Whiting] And that's where you use that filter of, "Is this mine to hold?" Yes. You know, "Yes, I wanna serve. What is my capacity?" Yeah. "Does Andrea need to hold and take care of all the needy people?" No, 'cause it will sink Andrea's ship.
[28:26] [Andrea Griffith] I tell you, the answer is no, but it took us a long time to learn that.
[28:29] [Teresa Whiting] Yeah. Well, I mean, we all have our different timeframes of learning, but I just think you ask, "Okay, God, is this a person that you really want me to invest in?" to invest in? Or is this not something I need to take on? Like, this is not mine to hold. There is a whole church of people, you know, full of people who can minister to this woman too.
[28:49] [Andrea Griffith] Yeah, it's so good. 'Cause I've found that when I am unhealthy, I create unhealth within my family. So now I'm affecting the pastor, within my kids, the people that I want to shelter and love the most. But because I'm unhealthy, it's kind of spilling over. And then that can go out into my church, I'm the leader of the church. And so, it's really important that I stay healthy. And so, for me, that's been finding gospel groups, and even creating them. So, I host gospel groups in my home, where we teach about empathy, where we teach about, "This is what it looks like to be curious instead of judgmental." And that type of thing, I couldn't find it. And then, I did find it outside of myself. I've gotta bring this to where I am. And that has made all the difference for me, just having those friends and getting our hearts to the gospel.
[29:50] [Teresa Whiting] Oh, that's so good, Andrea. Yes, if it doesn't exist, you've gotta create it.
[29:54] [Andrea Griffith] Yes, and thank the Lord that he doesn't leave us on our own to create it. He's the one that brought us the gospel in the first place. He's the one that is our friend that sticks closer than a brother. He's the one that's pursuing us. And so we just have to find out, okay, God, where are you at work? You're at work in your word. You're at work in some of these people people that you're bringing across my path. Help me find and create the group where your word is active and alive, and where we're getting our hearts back to the gospel. Yes. So, thank you so much for being with us. I know we get to have another time together.
[30:29] [Teresa Whiting] Yes.
[30:29] [Andrea Griffith] But I've just so enjoyed talking to you today, and thank you so much for being a part of the Church Hub podcast.
[30:35] [Teresa Whiting] Oh, thanks, Andrea. It was a pleasure to be here. Thank you.
[30:40] [Andrea Griffith] Thanks for joining us today. If you'd like to learn more about The Church Hub and how we're strengthening ministry leaders and the families who walk with them, you can visit thechurchhub.org. Until we meet again, I'll be praying that you experience the nearness of Jesus.