How to Grow a Business and a Family Without Imploding Your Marriage

In this episode, I open up with Steve about how we biohack our energy, manage chaos and connection, and design a life that aligns with both purpose and peace. From hormone cycles and circadian rhythms to masculine/feminine balance, we dive deep into the real strategies behind sustainable growth and true personal power.

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What is Rare Things?

Rare Things is a podcast for those who refuse to settle for ordinary and crave perspectives that challenge the status quo. Each episode dives into conversations where rare perspectives create extraordinary lives. We talk to people who have done RARE things, defying the odds, challenging the status quo, and turning their wildest dreams into reality.

[SPEAKER_01]: Our energy is cyclical.

[SPEAKER_01]: The pursuit of balance really is understanding your energy.

[SPEAKER_00]: When I was learning my body again after getting off a 16 years of birth control, I felt like there was always something wrong.

[SPEAKER_00]: And at the same time, I was also dealing with the trauma of getting a cancer diagnosis.

[SPEAKER_00]: As I started to regulate my hormones, though, there was this one time a month that I couldn't, I hadn't tracked yet.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like,

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm cranky for no reason.

[SPEAKER_00]: What's going on?

[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't during my period, which I think most people would blame like, oh, you're on your hearing alert.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's the Luteal phase.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we came up with this phase.

[SPEAKER_00]: Luteal is brutal.

[SPEAKER_00]: Luteal, Luteal is brutal, but it doesn't mean that I'm a psycho-cherryluteal.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now it means I know when it's coming, I now understand my energy cycle.

[SPEAKER_00]: is balance a myth.

[SPEAKER_01]: The classic question.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it's a myth more to do with whatever phase you're in.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, at the beginning of each project there's always a ton to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I think in balance at the beginning is actually kind of necessary.

[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe it's a false belief that I have, but I, you know, you tilt the scales too far one way.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think it's too much of, I don't think it's a myth.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it's more of like, more to do with how fast you want to move.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like for most projects that I've been in, there's always like the beginning hustle phase.

[SPEAKER_01]: I heard someone say once though that if you're going for three months now and you're still hustling, it means you're not building structure.

[SPEAKER_01]: So your thing might be off the ground, but you're definitely not.

[SPEAKER_01]: imbalance, you know.

[SPEAKER_01]: When I think back, I don't think I would be where I am now if I was striving for 24-7 balance yet at the same time, we were just talking about, you know, how balance is what we're really striving for.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's more to the phase that you're in, I do believe you're rewarded at the beginning for, like for example, when I first started working, you know, read out a college, I made a contract with myself to be tired,

[SPEAKER_01]: And I would just go to sleep.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'd go to sleep at sleep from midnight to five a.m.

[SPEAKER_01]: I did that for a year or two.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I would go and I'd work on my own business from six a.m.

[SPEAKER_01]: to nine a.m.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then my job.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then in the evenings was at work for myself again from 10 p.m.

[SPEAKER_01]: to midnight.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'll squeeze it out four, five hours a day to my own stuff.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was a necessary thing for the phase that I was in.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I think if someone's gonna sustain that, like that's why I burnt out.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's more to do with the phase.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then even that is like it's just the container because you can have a hustle year and then have a rest year, so it's like Oh, that makes sense.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's the balance part.

[SPEAKER_00]: The reason why I asked is because I was a very common question when we asked people, what should we talk about on our podcast?

[SPEAKER_00]: And they were like, talk about the balance between work, relationship, business, kids, personal life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: How do you do it?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do you balance it all?

[SPEAKER_00]: You just do.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and it's funny, because I have a few people's voices in my head who are like, there's no such thing as balance, but I look at them and I'm like, you have addiction to chaos.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like sure, you literally are the most chaotic person I can think of.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know, I don't think, I think advice source matters and look at the fruit of those people.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I just don't know any project I've ever been involved in and maybe with my own crap, maybe I really just

[SPEAKER_01]: Every project have ever been involved in that has ever taken off.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's always like the compression period at the beginning.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I've gotten better at shortening the compression period, both in terms of how long it is, but then getting stuff off my shoulders so that you're building a real system in your life and not being the system.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think you and I have been good to in our projects because we both have businesses, we have separate businesses, we also have this business together.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't like when we first started dating, I always looked for an example.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I wanna find a relationship, role model, a relationship,

[SPEAKER_00]: example of a couple that they run separate businesses.

[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of our friends, people we know, our people that run businesses together, or that one runs a business and the other doesn't.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I haven't actually found an example other than Sarah Blakely and Jesse Itzler.

[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, with what we do, I think we just know of each other's seasons that we're in,

[SPEAKER_00]: And even if we're both in a hustle season, we just the mental awareness of that, we're just like, okay, we're in a hustle season we make it work, or if you're in a hustle season, I'm like, I'm gonna rest and be with the kids and vice versa.

[SPEAKER_00]: We've just had a awareness to kind of just make it work.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I think the pursuit of balance overall is absolutely something you should go for.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just, I look back and I'm like, I don't know if I would be where I am without a significant period of honestly a little bit of obsession at the beginning.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what it called for, but I don't think that was wrong.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think where it becomes wrong is when you could let go more.

[SPEAKER_01]: You could build things that replace you.

[SPEAKER_01]: but you continue to stay addicted to the chaos.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's for me what's been.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think the greatest people of our time, the ones that are remembered are obsessed.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that is a good thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like you look at Elon Musk.

[SPEAKER_00]: He is obsessed with getting to Mars.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if he wasn't, I don't think it would be possible.

[SPEAKER_00]: You look at Oprah.

[SPEAKER_00]: She is obsessed with the empire that she's built.

[SPEAKER_01]: the system to replace you or maybe the whole golden isn't it's balanced obsession you know because I still want to obsession.

[SPEAKER_01]: I still want a wheel to get up in the morning and be obsessed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like being obsessed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like that was one of the reasons why I know that I stopped kind of producing for a little while because I didn't know what I could go throw myself into but it was throw myself into it with also the

[SPEAKER_01]: Now there's just more balance, there is more balance, there's I can tell when there's just all right, I've put in a solid amount of time today, I gotta go do something else or I'm going to go nuts, you know, and just the self-awareness piece of it, we're in the past.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think we'll pop up, but it'll be like, oh man, I don't know if this is, you know, I would just continue.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's because I was avoiding the what was in my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like who the someone's saying to us the other day is like am I am I enhancing my experience of my life or am I avoiding something right because there's nothing wrong with hard continues to stay in work, but what cost is really being paid besides that reminds me of something you and I have both had to learn and during periods of rest

[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard to get off the hustle train, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: So there was a guy that we had, I'd never done like a reading or anything like that in my life, as a guy as a shaman who did a reading.

[SPEAKER_00]: Was a human design reading?

[SPEAKER_01]: He was a human designer reading.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he started looking at a human design.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember at the time, just my soul was just so exhausted.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh my gosh, like, I just need a long time.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just need a rest, I need a long time, I need a rest.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was true, but I remember he started looking through your reading.

[SPEAKER_01]: You said, you were a design, you need to, I can't even say it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can

[SPEAKER_00]: Was it different, you want to speak to that?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, after doing my most recent big event here, and I had one of the coaches here with us.

[SPEAKER_01]: And she said, what do you need?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, I think I need to go isolate, you know, and just recharge.

[SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, isolate is a defensive word.

[SPEAKER_01]: So let's actually pull that apart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember she took me back right here on the stage.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we had the lights kind of blow like this, and she kind of had me like lay down on the stage and she started like trying to teach me how to uncouple from the energy of all of people in the room.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's when she's like, you need to still using the word rest.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, where what I basically was what I learned from this was that my.

[SPEAKER_01]: my soul was afraid of being alone.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so isolate was a defense that I was throwing so that I wouldn't feel it.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, you chose it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna isolate instead of I'm now alone.

[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of, yeah, I'm gonna go rest.

[SPEAKER_01]: Which is a totally different way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's funny that we're talking about balance, but it's hard not to talk about energy management when you talk about balance, because it's like the fuel of balance.

[SPEAKER_00]: What would you tell someone that, because we do get this question

[SPEAKER_00]: What about when my spouse wants me to do these things, but they don't understand what I'm doing in the business?

[SPEAKER_00]: Or like, how do I get my spouse on board?

[SPEAKER_00]: You hear those kinds of things a lot?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, how did you handle it?

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, my first marriage is over.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I don't know if I can speak to it either.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it's tough because like we have people that have asked questions of how do I get my spouse to, and you hear that quote of like, you're only as successful as your spouse allows you to be.

[SPEAKER_00]: and I don't like that quote.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get what I think the intention of it is of like your spouse that encourages you to go out there and do things and like, you do that for me, I do that for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can absolutely say, you know, there's things that I can do because of your support.

[SPEAKER_03]: know.

[SPEAKER_00]: But like, you're not allowing me giving me permission.

[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm not allowed to, I don't get to go after my dream.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like, and I think I might also be defensive of that because of what I came from in my first marriage that unfortunately did not work and my ambition was such a trigger for why it all fell apart.

[SPEAKER_00]: that if I was with someone that sabotaged my success, my ambition, my dreams, that's not the life I want to live and not the potential I'm trying to go after.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's hard for me to answer that question when someone's like, what do I say if my spouse doesn't support me in this?

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like,

[SPEAKER_01]: tough.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's tough.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's tough.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the game is one in the draft.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, what do you want?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, tough.

[SPEAKER_01]: I say, ah, can already feel the comments right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: I come from New Jersey, I guess.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going to look like, what do you want?

[SPEAKER_01]: Is really what it comes down to?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

[SPEAKER_01]: I was asked by Coach once.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if we bring up coaching a lot, but I think it's important for everyone to know, like, but we have lots of them.

[SPEAKER_01]: We should have coaches around you that are pulling their ball.

[SPEAKER_01]: They don't want to ask.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, point out your blind spots, my gosh.

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, because you are blind, you know, perspective is like the most amazing gift ever.

[SPEAKER_01]: So she, she was basically saying, though, like, she said to me once, she goes, why do I still get the feeling that you're trying to outsource your vision?

[SPEAKER_00]: Hmm.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're not holding and controlling your own vision.

[SPEAKER_00]: Was it a mistrust?

[SPEAKER_01]: it was it was that I at that point was not clear on what I wanted and I kept looking to other people to try to help me know what I want which is obviously impossible.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean you're getting inspiration from other areas too, yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: But like even when I would have the vision it's like I would ask I was basically asking for permission to play and a good mission to to run it run what I wanted but yeah I don't know how to answer that one because

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, truthfully, I built the majority of my business.

[SPEAKER_01]: The original business, like, kind of in secret, because I knew that I was not willing to give it up.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't a choice between it's going to be the thing that I build or this relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just had a maybe as a delirious belief that it could be both hand.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it was a long time.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a hard one to answer.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've had a lot of people try to ask that on calls to be like, What do I do to get my spouse in board?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you need to get in the sales because you got to sell your vision as I was like,

[SPEAKER_00]: Hmm.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just a lead by example thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean even with like

[SPEAKER_00]: I go to bed early and I would love for you to go to bed early with me, but also it doesn't change our relationship, but sometimes you do, and it's great, but in like business and livelihood and who's providing for the family, like it's such a different conversation and yeah, there's like someone in mind that I can think of that it's been like a recurring thing of fight with the spouse and how do I, and I'm like,

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I don't know, you've had 34 fails in business and you've heard the questions from well-meaning people of like when is it going to be, is it going to be this time?

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's the failure is a prerequisite, hold on, I don't know if I could answer for this.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of the ways that I did handle it though, consciously, so that it wasn't a riff, was

[SPEAKER_01]: to make extra side money that was not necessarily like the main family income.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then when there was a book that I wanted to go by or a course I wanted to get or something that I knew I needed to attend for my own growth.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because, you know, truthfully, I wasn't providing with that thing yet.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, there was all,

[SPEAKER_01]: They were totally in the right to say, like, this isn't working yet.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why should you use the family's money on that thing?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that makes a lot of sense.

[SPEAKER_01]: It spreads very fair for someone to say that for an entrepreneur or a business person who's not making it yet.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I would just take on and make extra money on the side so that I would have some small amount of funds for those things.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or I got really, really crafting.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I just was like, you know what?

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna go, I don't have the money for that software, but I'm gonna find somebody who wishes

[SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm just going to offer to them, go get me an account and I will build it in your business.

[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's how I, I mean, I just bootstrapped like that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so I think this weighs around it, but it's going to be per situation per case by case basis.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the balance piece is like a, that's such an individual thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like really hard to know.

[SPEAKER_01]: Only you really know if you've been leaving in balance or not.

[SPEAKER_00]: Talking about energy management,

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we have businesses, multiple businesses separately and together, we have three beautiful girls under the age of 10.

[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, a lot of things to juggle.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when people ask, what are the ways that you balance your energy?

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, some of the things that come to mind that I usually go to and answering is like, I love biohacking.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And since cancer and healing that, which I'm sure will be a whole other episode sometimes.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: We have like a library of biohacking tools.

[SPEAKER_01]: So many.

[SPEAKER_00]: which we love and we'll put on our website if you go to theroofthings.com.

[SPEAKER_00]: You want to check any of those out?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure we'll do a whole episode on that too.

[SPEAKER_02]: Sure, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: But like, what are some of the other frameworks or things that we do for energy management?

[SPEAKER_00]: One is coming to mind is Pumpkin.

[SPEAKER_00]: Pumpkin?

[SPEAKER_01]: Pumpkin.

[SPEAKER_01]: Where did that come from?

[SPEAKER_01]: What's the back?

[SPEAKER_01]: We should tell the back story.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's the back story to this?

[SPEAKER_00]: So do you want to first say what Pumpkin means?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: So basically, here's the scenario.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, as soon as

[SPEAKER_01]: I think I literally just need less sleep.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think men do stereotypically.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe just a little bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: And also maybe depending on the season, the cycle.

[SPEAKER_01]: The season and the cycle for sure.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's definitely seasons where I have to sleep a lot.

[SPEAKER_01]: But there's definitely times where, you know, like, hey, I'm ready to go to bed and I'm like, I can't quite my head down yet.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'd like that's the way I can go to bed.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a little keep talking, and I don't know why.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like to tuck you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like to tuck you in.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's clear.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I tuck you in to bed.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'll just keep talking to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I keep talking and talking and talking and what about this and sometimes it turns into a little brainstorm session.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's so fun.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then the ideas are flying back and forth, but I don't remember when it first started.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's when we moved into our newer house.

[SPEAKER_01]: There was like this moment where I just started seeing in your eyes.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I better shut up.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just got to sleep.

[SPEAKER_01]: like, this isn't good, you know, because, and I would be fine, you're like, I gotta go to bed, I gotta go to sleep.

[SPEAKER_01]: So we just came up with the phrase.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I came, I wanted a code word to say, instead of being like, I'm dying talking, and out.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because yeah, sometimes I could,

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to hear everything, of course, that's your brain dumping at the end of the day or telling me that if we didn't have time earlier, but when I'm going to bed and I'm exhausted and then you're telling me that now you're telling me, I'm like, I want to hear it, but also I'm getting to that point where I'm cranky.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I wanted to create a code word that was like, I love you, but leave me alone right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so the coder became pumpkin, and I got this from some relationship coach that it's actually originated from her strategy that you say pumpkin hours as the time after this time is when the carriage turns into a pumpkin and no one can go for a ride, it's actually related to a more of an intimacy thing, but for us we use it as like,

[SPEAKER_00]: All right, pumpkin, and then I love that you just, like, say no more, and, or we've even been out, like we were at a friend's house once, and I was like, they're turning into a pumpkin, and I have no, oh my, I felt so loved.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you got up so fast, you're like, we got to go.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you guys, I turned into a line football linebacker, like, get out of the way.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's so protected in that moment, and how perfect that we have the language to be able to say,

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really tired, and I probably have, like, my fuse is getting shorter now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love that, though, because they're safety in it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's protection in each other's energy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not that either of us is solely responsible for it, but because we're, like, we also foster each other's recharge.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's a unique.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's unique.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I remember when we first started talking about just being together, you know, that we, one of the foundations of the home was that the house needed to be a place of recharge, not another place to defend ourselves on our dreams in.

[SPEAKER_01]: Remember that like yeah, and so the house is not a place for street like you and I are out there putting a armor on sometimes fighting battles trying to like you know get our visions out into the world if we have to also go back to the house at the end of the day keep our armor on and like keep defending no please I have this vision I need to go like with the defend the vision defend like oh my gosh that's so intense and

[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to be at home, and I want to be feminine at home.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, in business, understandably, as a woman, sometimes I got to have the blinders on and be in kind of a masculine drive energy.

[SPEAKER_00]: But at home, I don't want to be.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's cool that we've kind of figured out a good flow, some different frameworks or code words for that, or even just sometimes just asking, like, what do you need?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what do you need?

[SPEAKER_00]: What do you need?

[SPEAKER_01]: What do you need?

[SPEAKER_01]: What do you need?

[SPEAKER_01]: I love when you ask about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We need.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh, one time.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I need to say it hours of phone calls I'm exhausted, like, yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, the other thing I really like also though, I love the pumpkin thing, and I like how much we really honor that in each other.

[SPEAKER_01]: But the other thing I really like is, I think one of the questions when people ask, like, how do you guys balance it all?

[SPEAKER_01]: I think sometimes what they're actually asking is like, what's your routines in your structure life?

[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone wants to know that routine, but know that stuff.

[SPEAKER_00]: And listen, my skin care routine.

[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm no one asks my skin care routine, I always blab when those influencer videos are like, that my skin care routine.

[SPEAKER_01]: No one's asking.

[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone wants to know my hair keeping your hair.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, no, you're going to go there.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it seems like people want to know structure.

[SPEAKER_01]: They want to know routine.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I laugh at that question, because I am not a graded structure.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I kind of...

[SPEAKER_01]: as far as, like, morning routine these new things, yeah, still not.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, we could be driving in and run full sprangels, stir and directly at the sun.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I, what I think though is really cool that we've gotten into is this.

[SPEAKER_01]: is this understanding that our energy is cyclical, and that there's room for seasons in life where, I mean, I'll get up crazy early for a while.

[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes on a purpose, but I still will get up for a long time.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were just in that season?

[SPEAKER_01]: And this was in that season, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: But in the season, I'm in right now, I'm sleeping way more, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's cyclical, like there's not, it's like there's multiple structures.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's the structure that we have for when there's,

[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, there's the event structure.

[SPEAKER_00]: Which we both know that's like, and it's like... Event structure, you usually don't even sleep at home.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And usually, yeah, usually get a hotel for just in our own city, which is silly.

[SPEAKER_01]: But so what I got to do to protect my life?

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, yes, it's a protection energy and also the convenience of walking across the street instead of driving 25 minutes.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, yeah, that makes sense.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Also, it's energy management and protection.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm in the creative producing zone.

[SPEAKER_01]: You kind of do the same, you know, you have the same kind of thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we have these like,

[SPEAKER_01]: and so maybe that's like better for people to hear that there's not like this I live and die by this structure and schedule every day and yeah maybe we should be more like that but what works for us is having like hey I'm going into the vent mode or hey I'm going into you know massive project mode and

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where the balance comes in because there's like a big output zone and then there's like a big recharge zone and a totally different lifestyles.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we've got our family whiteboard calendar of family stuff trips, kids school things.

[SPEAKER_00]: Then we also have like our business whiteboard calendar of when you have an event when I'm at a town when I'm speaking somewhere where you're speaking somewhere.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what else has been like, so I think life changing for me, and I like shout this from the rooftops to any woman I can and then, because any man that has a woman in their life should also I think be aware of this is the infradient.

[SPEAKER_00]: rhythm, the infradient cycle, the circ, yeah, the infradient rhythm.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm hoping we were going to talk about this.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this is, I mean, this could be a whole podcast on the ash.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so when I was going through cancer, and uh, so mine was a cervical, I got off of birth control.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was on birth control for 16 years.

[SPEAKER_00]: And what shocked me, it was just how much my

[SPEAKER_00]: by not being on artificial hormones.

[SPEAKER_00]: And what really happens, and I'm like, I will try to not get too loud from the soap box, but when women are on artificial hormones, birth control, it shuts off the communication between the brain and the ovaries.

[SPEAKER_00]: their menstrual cycle is like a, they have the vital sign and it's, it's actually really amazing to be able to understand and be able to know in your body what's going on and when you're on birth control, you don't actually have a real menstrual cycle.

[SPEAKER_00]: You have it's just called a withdraw and for anyone listening that's like, oh, we're the retry with it.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's

[SPEAKER_00]: People have heard of the circadian rhythm.

[SPEAKER_00]: Circadian rhythm is that there are 24 hours in a day.

[SPEAKER_00]: We all understand this.

[SPEAKER_00]: But the world mostly operates off of the circadian rhythm, because it is mostly run by men.

[SPEAKER_00]: The in-fraining rhythm is a woman's 28-day cycle.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the 28-day cycle,

[SPEAKER_00]: is the cycles of the hormones going on in a woman's body so there's like the follicular, ovulation, luteal, and menstrual, which is when the woman has her period.

[SPEAKER_00]: Those four phases of the cycle are very equivalent to the four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when I was learning my body again after getting off of 16 years of birth control, which is in theory-aating, and I will get down from the soapbox.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, it was tough to watch you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh gosh.

[SPEAKER_01]: The transition off of the birth control just to like being a natural cycle and for aliens cycle, it was, it was intense to watch.

[SPEAKER_01]: Your body was like re-learning how to talk to itself.

[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it was like this silent.

[SPEAKER_00]: torture, hurricane of emotions going on in my body.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I just, I felt like there was always something wrong.

[SPEAKER_00]: And at the same time, I was also dealing with the trauma of getting a cancer diagnosis.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we also just started a brand new business at the time that we had moved very heavy and moved into a new house.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Gosh, it was a lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: As I started to regulate my hormones, though, there was this one time a month that I couldn't, I hadn't tracked yet.

[SPEAKER_00]: that it was at this specific time every month.

[SPEAKER_00]: There was this one time or a month where I was like, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm cranky for no reason.

[SPEAKER_00]: What's going on?

[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't during my period, which I think most people wouldn't blame like, oh, you're in your period there.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's the luteal phase.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's like right before menstrual.

[SPEAKER_00]: So if you think of follicular ovulation, luteal menstrual, it's spring summer fall winter.

[SPEAKER_00]: fall.

[SPEAKER_00]: Fall is like when you start to go prepare for hibernation because winter, you're hibernating, winter.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we came up with this phrase, Lutiel is brutal.

[SPEAKER_01]: Lutiel is brutal.

[SPEAKER_01]: As soon as it's cool, because as soon as we have language for that now, though, and we know that cycle, that's something we can, that's very pumpkin season.

[SPEAKER_00]: that's pumpkin, yes, they really are in fault.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's harvesting, but it doesn't mean that I'm a psycho-cherryluteal.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now it means I know when it's coming.

[SPEAKER_00]: And those are that that few day window when my, it's like my progesterone and what am I at my estrogen is that it's like high some lowest, whatever.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's my introspective days.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like the equivalent of not trying to run a marathon at 11 o'clock at night when you should be sleeping.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not that, oh, for these days every month, she's gonna be a terror to be around.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's, I now understand my energy cycle.

[SPEAKER_00]: My follicular and my ovulation, I'm like ready to party, I'm so, so sure, I'm crazy productive, I get so much stuff done.

[SPEAKER_01]: your creative power.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's a super power when people understand it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love that you I mean, you taught the story.

[SPEAKER_01]: I told this to everyone who will decide to look gluteal cycle and understanding the infradient, but it is a super power too soon.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it is, yeah, it's this massive superpower.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's fun to wash and foster that and know like here it comes and then besides that and like a lot of pumpkins, you know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it's so cute that we've yeah for the kids week we've explained to them because we got three girls they're all going to get to that age soon where it's going to happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And they were anticipating the, oh my god, it's going to be the worst thing in the world.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to be terrible.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to hers going to be painful and I was like actually here's another perspective.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's actually like

[SPEAKER_00]: it's actually my introspective days.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's when I write, that's when I do yoga, that's when I read, and I'm like, it's like my learning and yeah, just introspective.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not that I have to avoid everyone so that my raft doesn't come out and turn to a dragon.

[SPEAKER_00]: No.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now I just understand it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And now knowing that you haven't even, like there's been times where before I had the language for it, I was like, I have

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what's wrong with me and then you were like, do you think you're just wintering?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, is that what's happening?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the wood.

[SPEAKER_00]: But now I don't even, I don't think you notice.

[SPEAKER_01]: Barely.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we'll have the link.

[SPEAKER_00]: I also tell you now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: We know it's coming up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: We prepare for it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't make it weird.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we tell the girls it's a superpower.

[SPEAKER_00]: You joke about like...

[SPEAKER_00]: knowing when we're all on the cycle and like coming into it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to run in with the fertilizer, just dump M&M's in it.

[SPEAKER_01]: What do you guys need?

[SPEAKER_01]: Super dad.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just run it in with chocolate syrup and kisses.

[SPEAKER_00]: Such a good dad.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, don't want to make a weird.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not weird.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and I love that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love that it's not weird with you because it's so normal and we have three girls and they're so powerful and they're teaching the shame their bodies that's dumb.

[SPEAKER_00]: amazing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's cool that we we love personality assessments and things.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like we know our any grams are human designs.

[SPEAKER_00]: We know all the girls humans designs.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like if I would have grown up knowing my human design first of all for anyone that knows human design.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's these different kind of

[SPEAKER_00]: design types to kind of speak to the way that your energy is, how you operate, your strengths, your weaknesses, your supermarket, your strategies for success.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am a projector.

[SPEAKER_00]: My parents and my brother were manifesting generators, which is polar opposite.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I grew up in a world of manifesting

[SPEAKER_00]: And you now live in a home of projectors.

[SPEAKER_00]: Me and the three girls, we are all projectors.

[SPEAKER_00]: Which could you imagine if I grew up raised as a projector?

[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of feeling like I was broken and like I actually don't want to, it's not that I don't want to work hard because like I do, but it's working hard in different ways, different strategies, different superpowers and different strategies for leadership and creation.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you want to learn my energy management, like how you operate.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, human design is like a road map to the understanding of that stuff.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's what's so cool about it is like the pursuit of balance really is understanding your energy and and so I love this topic because it's like, all right, if there's infraiting rhythms, they're circuiting rhythms, I think one of the things that I love when people ask, what's your balance?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, as if we're not also on the road,

[SPEAKER_01]: on the journey and trying to figure it out ourselves.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I mean, it was like two months ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: And again, another coach was like, Stephen, you actually, I have a healthy dose a feminine in me, which is why I'm very super creative.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you're very emotionally intelligent and aware.

[SPEAKER_00]: You can read people really well.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and that's what she was saying.

[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, every time you go do this, she was like, okay, imagine Marley when she's going through and she's got, you know, the freedom rhythm and she's, she's like, can you actually also do that?

[SPEAKER_01]: But they're just called projects.

[SPEAKER_01]: And whenever there is, and that's why I think it's important sometimes, like, look, I just go all stay in a hotel right next door.

[SPEAKER_01]: House is because I'm in the middle of my winter.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just gave birth if you will to a project.

[SPEAKER_01]: I put my soul into it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's still,

[SPEAKER_01]: I think a lot of guys who go and create a lot, they feel broken because they don't have the, like I could set my watch to my dad's routine.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is amazing, you know.

[SPEAKER_01]: But for people who are, you know, I'm not saying my dad might as insanely crave, but there's also a lot of creatives out there that don't recognize that it's actually a super similar cycle that we go through with any kind of project or project management.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when the product is over,

[SPEAKER_01]: where burnout just sits on the horizon is when you just go straight back into the next one, take no time for actual legitimate rest and recovery and recharge.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then you're like, then you wonder why you start hating a life, you know, how come that project didn't go as well, how come I'm not, you're tired, get some rest, you know, you might be in your own version,

[SPEAKER_01]: of a cycle.

[SPEAKER_01]: And if you look at projects and projects that way, management that way, it's like, energy management and balance just laces straight in with that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love that we've language for it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: So there's like the personal the personal energy management of what it means, you know, to your to your cycle.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's also it's funny as it is.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm about to say, as I have a cycle.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, which is true.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just like it's the production of hard core creative work creative cycle, the the recharge cycle, that is.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've worked with some incredible copywriters that they're like, I need to go into the woods and to a cabin in the woods, and I need to write, and then like, don't talk to me for a week.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And at first I'd be like, what do you mean?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we're all really good.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but then they come out of hibernation.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, hibernation.

[SPEAKER_00]: And they're like, here's my creation.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I have so much respect for that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I wish the more people were selfish with their masterpieces and what they needed to create.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, look at people like Bill Gates that he has think-week.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like he will go into some luxurious mansion in the woods and he's got his bag of books and he will go there just to think.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And whatever anyone thinks about him, he obviously is a bajillionaire.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if that's part of his routines that he needs,

[SPEAKER_00]: That's what he does.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's powerful.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think there's a lot of accidental bleeding crossover for someone who might be like starting something rare in their life, some rare pursuit to take the lifestyle and behavioral habits of like,

[SPEAKER_01]: Like the Industrial Revolution.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the whole reason that we have bells in school is to train us so that we can act like better factory workers.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you pursue something that is rare, like you're gonna be wearing a lot of different hats and there's gonna be a lot of different creative periods, there's gonna be some puzzle phases, there's gonna be some fate, like, you can't map.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's why I laugh every time.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's your guys' work routine?

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what kind of tense what's going on?

[SPEAKER_01]: We're changing it based on what's going on, not saying,

[SPEAKER_01]: I know that this people listening or watching to this, it would be like, that sounds like you're not being disciplined, but in fact, I'm working with my energy and because of that, my longevity has increased.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you mentioned the Industrial, the Industrial Age created this productivity-based self-worth because back then, you were literally more worthy

[SPEAKER_00]: the more that you worked because you were getting paid by the hour and how much can you shovel and brick and whatever that they were creating back then, but we don't live in that time anymore, and but we still, I don't think that our

[SPEAKER_00]: our physiology has evolved from this productivity-based self-worth that we feel like I am more worthy, the more that I work and I have to keep climbing up this mountain because that's where my self-worth is at the top but it's just this perpetual will never be at the top if you don't learn how to work with the energy.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's really interesting.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I get to work with it and each

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of comparison traps to doing rare things.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we're like, well, not as far as them, or not as big as they're whatever.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's one of them is you start comparing work habits and lifestyle, and only individually do we know if we're actually putting in our full effort.

[SPEAKER_01]: But that doesn't mean exhaustion, and that doesn't mean blown out the tanks, you know, full adrenaline just out the gate, every, like, that's not a long-term play, you know.

[SPEAKER_00]: We also live in a time where, speaking of catching up with our physiology, like if you think of caveman days, like they had to be constantly on the hunt for food, because once you finish your food and then you might be full for a little while, then you need to keep looking like hunting gathering for the next meal, but we know that the time we're like our next meal is in the fridge that we don't have to be constantly on the hunt.

[SPEAKER_00]: But we have that, we have the industrial age that we still need to recognize that we're not constantly hunting or trying to find our worthiness outside.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're doing this outside.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that makes total sense.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a book that one of my design classes and colleges we had to read.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was called this whole new mind.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this guy's entire argument was that he said in the near future, he said the future belongs to the right brain thinkers.

[SPEAKER_00]: and it's because then right is creative.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then right left is logic.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so we said in the said the reason is because the left brain

[SPEAKER_01]: almost all the left brain activities are going to be the things that are automated, and it kind of or at least wildly manufacturerable because you can you can turn into an assembly line, you know, even coding, you know, now there's no code things.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now there's all all the tons of these left brain things that we all have now are either automatable or wildly

[SPEAKER_01]: systemized and processed out, and so it's actually the right brain thinker that owns the future.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's such that I've never forgotten that.

[SPEAKER_01]: But because of that, like left brain thinking, assembly line, manufacturing line style, industrial age kind of thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like that, that's where like the time for hours.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's really interesting to say that, because

[SPEAKER_01]: if that's one energy management style, but it's a totally different energy management style when you're just, when your day is dependent on hardcore right-trade of thinking, you gotta like learn your EBS and flows.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I was the short road to burnout.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think that I've nailed the balanced thing, and I don't think I've nailed the energy management thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think I'm just, it's like an onion, I'm just going back the next layer and like, oh, you know, that's the next thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I thought it was going to be a coder.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, really, because that's what your dad does.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: Coder?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, for I was coder before that, I thought it was going to be a high school history teacher.

[SPEAKER_00]: Mm.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's see if being good at that, too.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I just love all the stories of rich dead marketers.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like history.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you're so good with kids.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I thought it was going to be a history teacher.

[SPEAKER_00]: I learned so much from you about parenting and kids and just how you

[SPEAKER_00]: how you communicate with them, how you make it so safe to play and learn through playing and discipline also through playing, like obviously there's moments for discipline where we gotta be serious, but you have taught me so much to raise the kids so differently than I was raised, which I love.

[SPEAKER_01]: And just don't want the home to feel like a business is weird.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember this before you and I were together.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was not good at that and it's like working from home.

[SPEAKER_01]: I had to change from work hat to dad hat and two inches of drywall, you know.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he still worked from home for the most part.

[SPEAKER_01]: But where I started realizing that I had a fallacy

[SPEAKER_01]: I was putting on warrior armor in work and that's very challenging energy.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even when I was an army, like military guys, if they work on a base, a lot of times they'll make them drive around for an hour before they're allowed to go home.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's because they can't walk into their houses running the family dynamic like it's like a drill sergeant.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a real sick don't time.

[SPEAKER_01]: Very big thing, they need to transition time.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like that you and I also have language for that as well.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I need some transition time.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or that was such an intense day but I'll say that's you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have an hard time putting that day down.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like who I'm showing up as right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: I need transition time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's that is something that is very,

[SPEAKER_00]: male from the relationship courses and things that I've taken that like males need transition time men are very just kind of like singular focused and women have more of a diffuse awareness.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I can be trying to make dinner but then on the way finish picking up a puzzle and then also remember that there was some laundry and then someone came to the door and then like do all these other

[SPEAKER_01]: and doing a work call or something.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like it's just a female multitasking, if you so wearing this kind of thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so yeah, I can come home and switch in the things, but I just know that about you and it's just a respect thing of that's just what you need.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not a, you're broken because why do you need time to transition?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it's not that at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that if there isn't that awareness, of course someone would take that personally.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were a whale day and now you want to go be alone, but still need to be away.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't you miss us?

[SPEAKER_00]: And then we as a family and the kids would appreciate it more because then when you are home, you are present instead of trying to get present, but I still have to put this down and that's not going to come back.

[SPEAKER_01]: Last weekend, I was like, gosh, I wish I could be home right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm exhausted.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then you said to me, the girls need you, dot dot dot, rested.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because you said, I can sense that the girls need me.

[SPEAKER_00]: So my response was, yes, the girls need you, rested.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it was like, we're fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're great.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're a target.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we were.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're a tarjet.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, we had so much fun at tarjet.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the funnest parts about the pursuit of balance, you know, is that the ability to explore when I think about the pursuit of balance from like a, I'm always going to do it this way and it's always going to be this way and it gets so locked down that I feel like I can't be curious.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, but what if it's the pursuit of balance from this lens of exploration like I wonder if I can optimize over here or what if I could do this over here or that's when that's to me when it becomes a fun, fun journey and not a, uh, I think I think men kind of go through this a little bit like,

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember graduating from college and then I kind of got a little depressed like six months after when I just started working because I was like, this is just like what it is.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing else.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the rest of my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to wake up and be okay, work from a guy that I don't, not my thing from nine to five, but a job.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think we can pay it enough like this is it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And every day starts to blend together a little bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's really freaky for a lot of There's no, what's the time horizons?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's no time horizons.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just talk about time horizons.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Having having variety in your life is what actually makes your life feel longer.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: If it's repetitive all the time, although we can buy so fast, well, you can also say that when there was lots of stuff happening.

[SPEAKER_00]: But

[SPEAKER_00]: If the weeks and years blend in together, it might just be because you're doing the same thing that there's not no events for your brain to actually grab onto a new memory.

[SPEAKER_01]: I heard someone see each.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know where the stack comes from, but it sounds good, at least illustrates the point.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that there's like 4 billion bits of information coming into your head each day, between the sound of the vents and the lights, and like there's so much coming in, what your brain's actually doing is deleting and noticing, and that's about the point of the raze receptors as you're tuning into what you want to not delete, because the things are already all around you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so if every day is weaving together,

[SPEAKER_01]: literally your brain just goes, well, that was the same today as it was yesterday, so it deletes it and the day deletes.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just gone.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And every single day that looks exactly the same, it literally starts to lead it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's why when you can look backwards after over a month and be like, I don't, what did I do this, the month started over?

[SPEAKER_01]: that scares the crap out of me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's why it's been hard for me to do the balance game a little bit because I had a misunderstanding of what it meant.

[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas like everything should be different all the time, all that one's otherwise.

[SPEAKER_01]: In balance, in that repetition.

[SPEAKER_01]: I did.

[SPEAKER_01]: I did.

[SPEAKER_01]: I had that balance that repetition too much structure meant that you're never gonna do.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you can define balance differently of like this is how much sleep I get.

[SPEAKER_00]: But and there's

[SPEAKER_00]: There's checklist of things that I still do that I move my body.

[SPEAKER_00]: I eat a good meal.

[SPEAKER_00]: I state this much, but the workouts change or when I sleep changes or whatever, I like you are very variety driven.

[SPEAKER_01]: Very.

[SPEAKER_00]: Very.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the negative, though, of that has been, you know, literally it's a human need to have variety, but it's also a human need to have structure in search of it, and so what has helped me gain more structure in my life is the realization that if I'm going to be variety focused in my business and explore things, it needs to be counterbalanced by certainty.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, certainty in my personal life actually allows me to be more creative in my business.

[SPEAKER_01]: Really interesting when I game that insight where the danger comes is when it's the exact opposite where if I'm too locked in my business And I'm at the role that I'm doing just isn't feeding my soul anymore It will very naturally destroy and wreck my day-to-day structure My morning routine goes the crap my evening routine doesn't look cuz there isn't one my soul is seeking variety somewhere and so I'll just like Nuke my personal structure because

[SPEAKER_01]: There's not enough variety for me happening.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've had to take them all business model because of this.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not a bad thing, but I had to change my business model so that there was at least what I would put out.

[SPEAKER_01]: I only have three products, but under the umbrella of those, there's a lot of latitude for me just to feed my soul.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because otherwise it was making it so that, I mean, it's hard, it's hard to create dependability.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard to create family plans.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard to go, do a vacation.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard to do anything if there's so much structure in my business that in my personal life is where I get variety.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a mixed sense.

[SPEAKER_01]: But that was a huge epiphany that came not long ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh my gosh, what if I flipped it?

[SPEAKER_01]: and I'm gonna book in it where the morning has some, has a lot of consistency.

[SPEAKER_01]: The evening has a lot of consistency.

[SPEAKER_01]: And because that part of my human actual need is being met, now I can actually go meet the human need in my business first in a variety piece, but still within a structural context.

[SPEAKER_00]: So then one of the non-negotiables in personal and business first structure that you want or need?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so for the personal stuff, the rest of the human needs, you know, I think about coach even I used to work together a lot with.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we wake up, there's an actual need for obviously moving your body for eating well, for sleep, you know, but also feeding your brain.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's got to be the intellectual stimulation somewhere.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's still funny.

[SPEAKER_01]: I used to think that the need to be social was not a need.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, broke that one, broke that one so hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: What was that, that coach was like, there's like two years ago, he's like, you keep trying to optimize everything in your life's team.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's not your problem.

[SPEAKER_01]: Your problem is you got a needs issue.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what?

[SPEAKER_01]: Totally pulled the rug out from me and when he said it.

[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, you keep thinking that social interaction is not a need.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were very much avoiding it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've avoided every kind of interaction.

[SPEAKER_01]: No.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad you let me it's kind of interesting that you got it and you like pull my teeth it's surprised me though that I'm like how are you you want to be a hermit but you still wanted me like how do I slip through there yeah and then I was like come on they're going out

[SPEAKER_01]: It's so funny because I'll even text that coach still everyone's in a while and he will not respond unless they give them an actual phone call and be like, Oh, there he is getting his interaction in.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's funny.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it's been interesting.

[SPEAKER_01]: The prioritized actual legitimacy, like documented scientific human needs.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's when the business has actually become more fun and more creative.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I actually thought it was a knockout.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was a false belief I had.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was a huge false belief I had.

[SPEAKER_00]: When you were worried about correct me if I'm saying it wrong, but like you have a lot of people that want to learn from you, pick your brain, ask you questions, and you also had this big trigger of feeling trapped and before doing a lot of therapy and healing and personal development stuff that we've done,

[SPEAKER_00]: one of they want to take from me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of I have an opportunity to connect with people and it's been so cool that at events, whether it's your events or you're speaking somewhere else or we're masterminding somewhere else, people have noticed about you, that you're different, you're calm, you're like you talk to us, you're more social and you, you've just very genuinely connecting with people though.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying to learn how to prioritize needs.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so done with the industry standard of hustle your face off and the glorification of imbalance is just so dumb and it's just, because I think it almost kind of like took me out.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, how can you connect with someone if you are living in chaos?

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's almost like, what I've noticed is a lot of people that will stay in chaos, so they don't have to learn to connect with someone, because it's a skill set.

[SPEAKER_00]: Stay in chaos because I also think that there's an addiction that makes them feel worthy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like if I, if I've lots to do, I'd love to do and then there's new accomplishments and then I'm needed here, new accomplishments and news here and then it's this cycle, productivity based self-worth.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's easy to get addicted to that chaos and the opposite of addiction is connection.

[SPEAKER_01]: So in front of you, you've really led out in a relationship with that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember we, it was surely after you moved in.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember what happened, but something is three, three, four years ago, there was something was going on in somebody's life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you immediately like threw down whatever was going on and it for your day, and you're like, we're gonna go help that person, and I was like, good for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, so happy to be connected to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying, oh, but then you just continue to do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, that's so cool and you're so connected with people.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know why, really.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, I didn't have that skill set.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just didn't have that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I had a model, you know, that's great.

[SPEAKER_01]: That same coach was like, who could you call like 2 a.m.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, I have no idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea, I could call to him.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now that's not sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: But then, it totally was very lonely.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, it's been cool of you to say to guy friends, like, hey, I need you to need me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I need you to need something really inconvenient and call on me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's been fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but like unrecognizable from who you were three, four years ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: Remember like going to massive events with you, like four years ago?

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's not still getting a bodyguard.

[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't even connect with people so much, you know, and that's when that coach is like, hey, you, uh, you missed no point.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I had the next level because you know, I had a connect has nothing to do with what you do or how you do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, that's not true.

[SPEAKER_01]: She got to make a better offer.

[SPEAKER_01]: Garbage.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I think our industry and there's a whole is lonely.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that never made sense to me when people be like, it's lonely at the top.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, go outside.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sub-counting your shackles from the tower.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, sure, stop to think that you're choosing loneliness.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that'd be that way.

[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, that's what's keeping those- There's a bat.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's a ton of entrepreneurs that are saying it's so lonely being an entrepreneur.

[SPEAKER_00]: Why don't you go talk to the other entrepreneurs that are saying that?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, that's not cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not something to glorify.

[SPEAKER_00]: No.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's more of a needs issue, recognizing that you have a need, but you can't read the label from the inside, so it's funny when, you know, these people are like, that I help people overcome their limiting beliefs, but they don't know what they are.

[SPEAKER_00]: So you can't say, I help people stop self sabotaging.

[SPEAKER_00]: They don't know they're doing it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be a hermit and then you're like, oh, that's cute.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's,

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I feel like there's so much closer on the balancing than I am.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm getting way better though.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I just think it's balance will happen regardless.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the container that you are in because if you have 10 years of hustling your face off, you might have 10 years of

[SPEAKER_00]: being in a hospital.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or if you hustle till you die, well, then you'll rest when you're dead.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that balance has to happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, early.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that it's just the container.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're exhausted, you'll have to figure out how to sleep later if you spend your time.

[SPEAKER_00]: hustling, you will add some point and have to spend your time dealing with the consequences of that hustle, whether you decide intentionally to rest or you are forced to.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a great, that's a good sound by right there.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting that the topic of balance, because yeah, I think most people ask it like, how did you do balance?

[SPEAKER_01]: But it's really, it's multifaceted.

[SPEAKER_01]: Balance is like, okay, yeah, we could talk about day structure for sure.

[SPEAKER_01]: We just talked about energy management, connection, connecting with people, a relationships as well.

[SPEAKER_01]: I also think though that with balance,

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's, health is part of it.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's when I started doing, we started doing a lot more like water fast.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there's a lot of regions we did.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I also felt, now that you say like, balance will happen, that's very wise because I can see where it's like,

[SPEAKER_01]: If we didn't do that kind of stuff like waterfasting, I had to carnivore for a hundred days like, it's like, well, it's 30 pounds.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's pretty good.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's cool because I do feel like it was a voluntary move that I made to tilt the scale back because I think I was definitely living in balance for a long time.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but yeah, it's like balance in different aspects, because there's gonna be balance in our relationship of masculinity and feminine, balance of who's working here and who's working here and who's with the kids, who's, you know, like, there's so many different areas of balance.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if I had to score us, I think we're doing like pretty good.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Are there room, is there room to improve?

[SPEAKER_00]: Never.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, Darry, you even suggest it.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is a learning and growing, it's like, I think it's what's so fun.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's what's fun about our mentality as a couple as well, that this room for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we used to say that a lot at the beginning of our relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: Where did it?

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it was because I was stuck in my ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were pursuing me, and I was like, you're not my type.

[SPEAKER_00]: My type is narcissus, manipular, cheater of user.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I just need to, like, I need some time.

[SPEAKER_00]: I need some space.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then you were just like, there's room for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because you were so, oh, you're so good to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were pursuing me.

[SPEAKER_00]: And even though I was like, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: You didn't like pressure me at all, you just gave me space to figure it out, but you also were, you didn't let me friends own you, which I respected so much and also made you very attractive to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it also wasn't like a friend zoning, like, cause I could definitely come off like a forcing.

[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't a friend zoning, it wasn't an ultimatum.

[SPEAKER_01]: No.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was a mainum, that's the word.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, you were like,

[SPEAKER_00]: You are very aware and gentle with my needs because I had just gone through my divorce.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was heartbroken about that guy from Omaha that I dated before you, that was my trigger to go to therapy to realize my pattern of being attracted to emotionally unavailable people.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you were just like such a good friend to me through that before we fell in love, which I'm so I've never fallen in love before you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I only crashed into it.

[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, you would just be like, there's room for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe feel so safe and loved.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just tried and think about balance in terms of that regard as well, like the masculine and feminine.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, because I go ahead.

[SPEAKER_00]: Speak about God about the masculine and feminine, because when you were, I want this to be a whole episode.

[SPEAKER_00]: When you were pursuing me, and I was like, I don't know, you're not my type.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't really know.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were reading an incredible book.

[SPEAKER_00]: Really want this to be its own episode.

[SPEAKER_01]: We can make it its own.

[SPEAKER_01]: We'll do a little teaser right here.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, a little teaser This is the next episode.

[SPEAKER_01]: It really does fit with the topic of balance now.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I'm about to ask you that in feminine Yeah, but you were reading a book which we will not reveal yet.

[SPEAKER_00]: You'll have to come back to the next episode.

[SPEAKER_00]: Subscribe on all platforms Leave a review follow us on Instagram right in subsequent that you were very aware of being

[SPEAKER_00]: being engaged enough with me that I knew that you were there but wouldn't let me friends own you.

[SPEAKER_00]: And but also allowing me to stay in my feminine that you pursued without it turning into like a cat and mouse, the then would put me into a masculine.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like a chase.

[SPEAKER_00]: A chase.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: which was like, I don't know how you orchestrated it, but like, I just think it was the most magical time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I as soon as I went through that healing, I just turned around and was like, I am in love with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Done.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard of acting like I'm not also.

[SPEAKER_01]: That was sweet.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, it was great.

[SPEAKER_00]: You said that.

[SPEAKER_00]: There was a night where you said I, I'm, I love you and I'm tired of pretending I don't anymore.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're watching TV together, something other, did it just turn and randomly say it?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you did.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, love you.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is so entrepreneurial.

[SPEAKER_00]: We were playing a personal development game.

[SPEAKER_00]: We were playing something.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was a game with these cards that you had to sort what your real values were and then you like eliminate them to see what your real values were.

[SPEAKER_02]: For kind of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we had these cards all out, and you're like helping me figure out what my family is wearing.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're so entrepreneurs, and you're like, I love you, and I'm tired of pretending I don't anymore.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, and then I said, and I don't stay anything back.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm off putting your pressure on you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just need you to know if we just were back to the key.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: I forgot about that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just say.

[SPEAKER_00]: So sweet.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then what happened after that?

[SPEAKER_01]: I think it was that nine out of six year.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was in it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: That was good.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it was.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna censor here.

[SPEAKER_00]: Why?

[SPEAKER_00]: Just kidding.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, censor.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's all that happened.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just making it one thing, so now it's.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, I am, no, it's from that book, though.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I won't, you know, I do think we should do an entire episode just now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, open loop for the next episode.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just don't believe for that one.

[SPEAKER_01]: But the whole concept with the balance was cool because what I've learned from that book was that

[SPEAKER_01]: that if the masculine is not strong enough and it's own, this is who I am, that attracts the feminine.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then it means that the masculine, which is very prone to hunting, as a masculine is very much

[SPEAKER_01]: It actually puts the decision-making on the feminine and flips the feminine into masculine.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it makes it so that now I am being the feminine and it makes you be masculine.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the way the relationship would start.

[SPEAKER_01]: It flip flops the polarity of the relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: And from the very beginning to rest their relationship, it would set a tone where you're the masculine and I'm the feminine.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a very interesting.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I also like, yeah, I like though that it seems like there's multiple times where we've brought that back up, you know, where, where we want to be our true natures.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And create an environment for that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there's times where I can tell in terms of balance where you don't want any more, you don't want to make any more decisions, you know, and it's like, what are doing for date?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I'll crap.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know that I'm masculine means I should have, I've just been so in the other things like.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm getting better if that's there, but yeah, that's 100% part of balance.

[SPEAKER_01]: What is interesting discovery on balance?

[SPEAKER_01]: This has been yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, they're fun.

[SPEAKER_01]: So trance, it is a very much a personal journey.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's one of why I call the parallel journeys to being in your rare journey.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like if you're going to be going on this journey to doing rare things,

[SPEAKER_01]: That's great in all, but there's also going to be an internal one that you go through that is running in parallel, immediately coincides with it, and most people don't know they're going through it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's what makes the pursuit of the rare thing hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's, you know, like, wasn't there one of the shams?

[SPEAKER_01]: He said, he said, life is not hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's challenging.

[SPEAKER_01]: Know the difference.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love that line.

[SPEAKER_01]: That always sticks in my head.

[SPEAKER_01]: Life is not hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's challenging.

[SPEAKER_01]: Know the difference.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you like barked at somebody.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, to good point.

[SPEAKER_00]: The struggle is not to real.

[SPEAKER_01]: The struggle is imagined.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not real.

[SPEAKER_01]: And but it's true.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like the pursuit of the rare.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not actually hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: We all typically know the next steps.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's hard is the underlying parallel journey of growth of what does best look like for me and self discovery things.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's so so many.

[SPEAKER_00]: experiences I've had that I realized was an illusion.

[SPEAKER_00]: Do you ever see that video where that meme where the kid is in the water?

[SPEAKER_00]: And he's like holding onto the rope.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he's like, oh, oh, so what do you say to me?

[SPEAKER_00]: And so his mom comes just like stands him up.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he's like in a shallow area.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, oh, that's a lot of what I feel like has happened for me personally, where I'm like, oh, no, this is so hard and awful.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then someone's like, stand up.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're in the shallow end.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bad, just down.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that any kind of rare pursuit, you know, it, you're kind of confident you'll have.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just a self-suffering.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that I do think though that you can wildly improve your enjoyment and quality of life.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you make these self-observations of warrior-enbalanced, in self-love, in self-judgment, if the moment it becomes a comparative statement, the moment it becomes comparing to anybody else, like you rob yourself of the opportunity of joy.

[SPEAKER_01]: You rob yourself of growth that's gentle.

[SPEAKER_01]: Growth does not have to be aggressive.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like watching the little babies grow.

[SPEAKER_01]: That wasn't aggressive.

[SPEAKER_01]: They made mistakes.

[SPEAKER_01]: They got back up and it was fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: when they're walking alone, you have to walk and they fall down.

[SPEAKER_01]: What?

[SPEAKER_00]: You're floating.

[SPEAKER_00]: Are you kidding?

[SPEAKER_00]: You'll never walk in this town.

[SPEAKER_02]: Crawfer ever.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there's like this tendency for like ultimate perfection as if that's the standard for success and it's just not.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's been interesting to, like, repair it myself through the girls and recognize the things that I believe for 33 years of my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then to be like, huh, if that belief has changed for me, what else do I have that I believed for my whole life that can also change?

[SPEAKER_03]: No.

[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of people don't even think like that, like what perspectives

[SPEAKER_00]: can change, just because I've, that's the only thing I've ever known.

[SPEAKER_02]: No, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, for me, the big ones recently were conflict resolution.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Being afraid to, yeah, like, say how I feel, because if I say how I feel, people will not love me.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, because I'm a competent adult.

[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm.

[SPEAKER_00]: or with the kids, I want them to go full force in on their dreams and do anything it takes, but also don't let anyone tell them what to do, but then also listen to me and know what I tell you to do, wait a minute.

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't recognize like where I was still

[SPEAKER_00]: opening my mouth and my mother came out, you know, in loving ways.

[SPEAKER_02]: Sure, sure, sure.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, a lot of my mom, and there's, there's room for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's personal responsibility.

[SPEAKER_00]: We teach there.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I was like, oh, that is also a little bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's some, some nuances here that I want to change the furniture in my mind around.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like that, an entry with it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It also reminds me that like with, with being a kid, like, I feel like what I've been

[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like sometimes he's like lessons from Stephen Marley's therapy sessions, but like honestly though Like that's been part time.

[SPEAKER_00]: We became friends as we reared our therapy notes because we were both How are you jacked up?

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh.

[SPEAKER_00]: What did Rick say to you?

[SPEAKER_01]: We care for we were out trauma bonding like

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, another app will tell that in the episode.

[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, no, but that's what was interesting is an adult.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I feel like what I've been able to go back and do is close the loop on things I've been, my child went through that was way out of balance.

[SPEAKER_01]: that my adult self has thought is what it means to live.

[SPEAKER_01]: To go backwards, it'd be like, hey, that wasn't actually in balance.

[SPEAKER_01]: That shouldn't have happened.

[SPEAKER_01]: This should be more like this, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: More working self to the bone with no rest is actually dumb, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And like learning certain attributes around that or it's a child, like all the energy management, all the things we're talking about right now, like a lot of stuff, I just didn't learn that stuff as a kid.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so I kept thinking balance was a facade.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: For a long time.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I've heard you say it bounces a facade and it's like maybe the beginning of projects but in short spurts that you intentionally close.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the container you're in.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then in an actively flip the container.

[SPEAKER_01]: No.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Awesome, and, uh, speaking of balance, Steven Downey's taking me to Olive Garden for some unlimited breadsticks.

[SPEAKER_01]: Except.

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