1026 | A Relationship With Money

In this episode of Behavior Gap Radio, Carl challenges listeners to reconsider their relationship with money. Drawing parallels between friendships and financial interactions, Carl prompts listeners to reflect on their emotional responses to money and envision a more positive relationship dynamic. 

Carl shares a quick practice to try out today! He encourages listeners to articulate their relationship with money in three words and contemplate what a healthy relationship with money would entail. 

If this episode made you think about your relationship with money, share your reflections with Carl by emailing [e-mail].

What is Behavior Gap Radio?

Greetings, Carl here.

This podcast is super simple, it's me wandering through the world noticing things about how to align my use of capital (time and money) with what is actually important to me.

-Carl

Carl: 00:00

Hi. It's Carl. How would things change if you thought of money as something that you had a relationship with, that you were in relationship with money rather than the separate thing over here that is around spreadsheets and calculators, but it's actually what if you were to treat it like a relationship? Now here's why I think this is really helpful. If money is something we're in a relationship with, we become much more intentional about how to make that relationship healthy.

Carl: 00:44

I want you to imagine for a minute that your friend you have a relationship with a friend, and every time you see that friend, you are either indifferent, like, you don't even notice, or you feel bad, particularly shame or blame, or you might fee feel greed or envy or anxiety or worry. Every time you see that friend, that's how you feel. You're either indifferent or you've got all of these big emotions about it, and often they're negative. In fact, almost always, they're negative. Now let's go a step further and pretend like you can't.

Carl: 01:31

If you had a friend like that, it wouldn't take you very long to say, like, I gotta create some more healthy boundaries around this friendship. In fact, you would probably decide this is not a good friendship. Like, I'm no longer going to call this person a friend, and I'm not going to see them. You would you would probably terminate that relationship. There would be no more relationship, but you can't do that with money, money.

Carl: 02:01

You're in relationship with money probably every day. And on many days, multiple times a day, you go to the store, you stop at the gas station, you have to pay a medical bill. It's probably multiple times a day, most days. And you are either if you're like me, you're either indifferent. Like, you don't even notice.

Carl: 02:26

You don't even stop to pay attention to this person, this thing that you have a relationship with, or you feel bad. Shame, blame, guilt, anxiety, fear, worry, concern. Maybe you feel great. Right? But greed, lust, envy, like, all of these big emotions wrapped up around money, and you've got a relationship with it.

Carl: 02:46

So what would it look like if we were to acknowledge, like, I would love to ask each one of you, like right now, let's just pretend for a second. Could we let's pretend we're sitting at a coffee shop. You've come to visit me in park city, Utah. We're sitting at a coffee shop or we're out on a hike. We stop one of my favorite places.

Carl: 03:09

It's got this beautiful view. We're sitting on 2 big rocks next to each other, just having a conversation. I'd love to ask you right now. So just go there with me. Would you?

Carl: 03:21

What's your relationship with money like If you had to use just 3 words to describe your relationship with money, what words would you use? Will you do me a favor? Just, like, right now, unless you're driving, just pull out your phone and go to notes. There's that really amazing revolutionary app on an iPhone called notes or pull out your notebook or your index card or whatever you use and just just right now take 60 seconds. Give me 3 words to describe your relationship with money.

Carl: 04:13

Yeah. Isn't that interesting? No. I don't want you to feel any guilt. I don't want you to feel bad about it.

Carl: 04:23

I don't want you to feel any desire to even change it. Just notice those three words. Isn't that interesting? And then ask yourself the question, Is this a healthy relationship? In what ways might I want to improve that relationship?

Carl: 04:47

Let's pretend, like, 3 years from today, we repeat this same exercise. You come back to Park City, Utah. I have a lot of people doing this, by the way, actually coming to Park City. It's it's a little, little sort of coaching thing I've started called Dancing with Dragons, but that's a topic for another day. You actually come back 3 years from today.

Carl: 05:10

We go to the same rock. We sit down, and I ask you how your relationship with money is, and you say it's great. What would need to happen in order for that to be true? Would you just take a minute and think about that? Maybe write a thing down or 2.

Carl: 05:30

You know what I would love? I would love for you to email me the answers to those questions. [e-mail]. So here's all you're gonna do. You're gonna send me an email, [e-mail], with just those 3.

Carl: 05:44

And by the way, you don't have to do this. Like, just just even if you just think, just let this work on your I'm not giving you homework is what I'm saying. Like, you you don't have to run home and remember it. It would just be amazing if you want to, but just let this work on your bra brain. But if if you get it just a second, send me a note with what are the 3 words you would use to describe to answer the question, how's your relationship with money?

Carl: 06:06

And then let's play the 3 year game. You come back to Park City, Utah. We're on a hike. 3 years from now, I say, hey. How's your relationship with money?

Carl: 06:13

You say happy or my relationship with money is great. What would need to be true in order for that to be? What would need to happen in order for that to be true? Again, you don't have to send them to me, but those I've got lots of you now that listen to this that are, extra achievers, and I love getting these notes. So send them.

Carl: 06:34

And by the way, if you feel like sending an audio note, send it to me because I love to hear them. That's it, my friends. You know what? This could be also could be a great conversation with your spouse or partner, a child, a friend. It'd be amazing.

Carl: 06:51

That's it, my friends. By the way, if you like Behavior Operator and wanna support the work I'm doing, you know, the best thing you could do is go to, Apple Podcasts or Spotify and give it a review. And if you write a sentence or 2 like, I saw one of you wrote this amazing review the other day, like, you know, bite sized nuggets from Carl 10 stars. Just like something simple is amazing. And the reason that matters is it helps more people find the show.

Carl: 07:19

So that would be incredible. Go to Apple Podcasts. Give it a 7 star review. Throw a little note. Cheers, my friends.

Carl: 07:26

Bye.