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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring organizations through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples. Learnmore@youcanmentor.com or follow us on social media. You can mentor. All frustration comes from unmet expectations. There's a temptation in mentoring to try to get your mentee to emulate all of the things that worked for you.
Speaker 1:This is perfectly normal. Makes a ton of sense. You want your mentee to go to college, get a 9 to 5 job, wear a suit, and get married. Why? Because you went to college, got a job, wore a suit, and got married.
Speaker 1:But what do you do if your mentee doesn't want to go to college? What if instead of a suit and a high and tight haircut, they prefer baggy jeans and dreadlocks? Will you be disappointed? A saying that rings true, especially when mentoring kids from hard places is this, all frustration comes from unmet expectations. I know for me, I have many unspoken expectations that I have placed on my mentee without even knowing it.
Speaker 1:I expected them to make good grades, to be polite, to have athletic success. I wanted them to dress a certain way, say yes, sir, yes, ma'am, and go to church. Now don't get me wrong. All of these are good things. There's nothing wrong with giving your mentee the option to do as you have done.
Speaker 1:But your way is one way. It is not the way. For me personally, I have to be careful not to get caught up trying to get them to emulate me instead of emulating Christ. When my mentee's desires don't line up with my desires for them, it has caused frustration in our mentoring relationship. I couldn't understand why they didn't want the things that I wanted for them.
Speaker 1:It would cause me to judge them unfairly, and it created a rift in our relationship. But I had to understand that my mentee is different than me. He or she has different stories. They have different skills, different personalities, different experiences. It's my job to work with my mentee to figure out what is God's unique and individual call for him or her.
Speaker 1:What's his plan? Not my plan. I had to learn to focus instead on making a disciple of Christ. The first step is letting go of the expectations that I had for my mentee. As hard as it may be, I couldn't focus on the end results.
Speaker 1:Instead, I had to focus on just showing up and loving them right where they are. I had to love them where they were and accept them just as they are instead of getting onto them because they were not doing the things that I thought that they should be doing. As a mentor, when our expectations are not met, frustration sets in. And when negativity enters your relationship, the enemy can use it to wreak havoc on the trust you've built together. It's okay to hope that your mentee goes to college or gets a job, but don't expect it because expectations are rigid, but hope is flexible.
Speaker 1:Expect is assuming something will happen. Hope is wishing or desiring good things to happen. So don't bury your mentee with the weight of having to live up to your expectations. We all have dreams for our mentees, and there's nothing wrong with that. But a question to ask your mentee is this, what are your dreams?
Speaker 1:And once you know what they want and what God is calling them to, you can focus on making their dreams come true instead of the dreams that you want for them. Focusing on what God has for them instead of what you have for them. Thank you very much for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Give us a follow on social media, 5 star review, and share this with any mentors that you know. Thanks a lot, and remember, you can mentor.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Please share this with other mentors and download our free resources on our website. You can also order Zach's book, You Can Mentor or John's book, Mephibsheth on Amazon. Lastly, we'd really appreciate it if you gave us a 5 star rating on whatever listening platform you are tuning in on. If you'd like to connect with us further, please contact us through our website because we're always looking for new guests or connections.
Speaker 1:Thank you. And remember, you can mentor.