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If you are currently in a mentoring relationship, stop right now and think about this question: Why? Why are you mentoring? Why do you choose to wake up and poor into one or more kids and lead them into adulthood? What is the benefit to you? Chances are, you have some kind of personal story that answers those questions. Maybe you grew up in a family that was abusive and you didn’t have anybody to guide you. Maybe you grew up in the stereotypical suburban, white picket fence home and you want to pay it forward. Maybe you’re somewhere in between in that story. Regardless, you have a story. So do the coaches at Forerunner Mentoring. Each and every coach in Forerunner’s After School Mentoring Program has some kind of why behind them taking on the role to mentor students in Lake Highlands, and we want to tell those stories. Josh Manning, the editor of the You Can Mentor podcast does a surprise takeover this week to kick off a new series with his first guest, Tajudin Spencer, where he interviews the coaches at Forerunner to get their “why” behind mentoring.
Connect with Taj:
https://www.instagram.com/tajudin.spencer/
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Connect with Taj:
https://www.instagram.com/tajudin.spencer/
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators & Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Joshua Manning, and I'm here with my very special guest, Taj Spencer. Hello. Hello. Before we jump into that and and who Taj is, I'll bet you all are sitting here thinking, wait.
Speaker 3:Who is who's Josh? Like, where's Zach? Where's John? Well, allow me to answer that question. I am the editor here at You Can Mentor.
Speaker 3:I make Zach and John sound pretty and basically make sure they don't say something that gets them canceled. If you want to know more about my story and how I jumped into mentoring, I actually did record an episode when Steven was hosting. That is episode 143. You can go check that out. Actually, that was posted almost exactly a year ago today.
Speaker 4:Oh, wow.
Speaker 5:Look at that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Interesting how how time flies. Right?
Speaker 4:For real.
Speaker 3:But, yeah, I so I had this idea for a podcast series or an episode series, more accurately, for the podcast. Didn't actually tell John or Zach that I'm doing this. I'm just kinda doing it, though. Yeah. They're gonna find out probably the day before this goes out, and I'm just gonna shoot him a text.
Speaker 3:Be like, hey, by the way, I'm doing a
Speaker 5:series, and this is the next episode. Surprise. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But, yeah, I had this idea for a series. I'd been bouncing around for a little while on just a why I mentor series. I found just over the last year that all of our coaches, everybody here at Forerunner has some kind of story to tell about why they jumped in, especially when you when you think about the dynamics and logistics of being an after school programs coach. It's not a glamorous job. It's not a glamorous job, and it doesn't pay super well.
Speaker 3:So everybody's gotta have a reason why. Otherwise, they wouldn't do it. So I thought it would be cool to just bring some of the coaches on and tell their story of why they mentor, why they chose 4 Runner, why they jumped in, man, what, 6, 8 months ago, 8 months ago, August of 2022?
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh. Yeah. Bro, that's that's wild.
Speaker 3:It's wild.
Speaker 4:Like, half a year already, just like that.
Speaker 3:And to think about it is, like, a lot has happened in that last 6, 8 months. Right? Like, we were we were thinking about it over in the junior high program and just kinda reminiscing, like, you know, the field trips we did and going to the Mavericks game Yeah. I remember that. And all that and just, like, going like, wow, that was that was 4 or 5 months ago?
Speaker 3:That feels like yesterday. Yeah. So, anyway, so that's the series is we're gonna we're gonna tell the stories of the coaches and why they mentor. It's good that they have some good things to to share. So up first today, we have Taj Spencer.
Speaker 3:Taj, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself? Who is Taj?
Speaker 4:Hello. Well, I'm Taj and Spencer. I go by Taj for short, just in case you don't wanna say Taj then. I just graduated from the University of North Florida about almost a year ago, pretty soon, around in 2 months will make a year. I mean, I moved straight out to Dallas just to pursue my dreams.
Speaker 4:It was just on my heart to move to Dallas, like, it was just on my spirit. And I just knew that God called me to be out here. And I just find it so amazing that maybe about 2 months in, I was able to find something that was aligned with my passion and purpose. And what is your passion and purpose? What a great question, guys.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I was I was just about
Speaker 5:to ask that. I was like, what what is your passion and purpose?
Speaker 4:Great question. Ever since I was probably, like, 12 or 13 years old, it's it's always been on my heart to be a servant leader, mentor, and a public speaker. And I say public speaker for lack of better terms because I don't like to say motivational speaker or anything like that. But, basically, I just want to continue to encourage people and help them see the value that they have within themselves and also use my story to to help that. I wanna help people maximize their potential as an individual and leader through mentoring.
Speaker 4:I mean, while I do that, I would I I'm a poet as well. I've published a couple of books, a poetry books. And soon, I hope to publish more books that are not poetry related, but more catered towards leadership, mentoring, stuff like that.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Some of that public speaking Yeah. Type of topic.
Speaker 4:Alright. So, you know, it's like, why listen to me if, you know, I don't have any credentials or, you know, I haven't mentored, I haven't led kids or anything like that. So while I'm getting the experience, I'd be gathering up, you know, knowledge and lessons and stuff that I can culminate into a book.
Speaker 3:So Gotcha. Just kinda gaining the wisdom.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Okay. So you graduated from graduated in Florida, and then basically, as soon as you walked across the stage, just like
Speaker 6:Man.
Speaker 3:Hopped on a plane and came out here.
Speaker 4:Soon soon as they said this is your last class, I was on the road.
Speaker 7:You're on the road. You didn't even walk.
Speaker 4:I was on the road, packed up everything, and left. Never never really stayed in Dallas for real. Like, I never really even been out here. But I knew since I was, like, a sophomore in college.
Speaker 3:I knew that you were moving out here.
Speaker 4:That I was coming out here.
Speaker 3:Dude, I I can relate so hard to that. Like, that's how I ended up in in Texas as well. I was Yep. I was finishing up undergrad and was just answering that question of, you know, what's next. Right?
Speaker 3:And was like, well, I don't have the skills to be a lighting designer even though I just went to school for 4 years for it. I don't feel like I can be successful, so let's go to grad school. Yeah. And got the offer for grad school and, like, had never been to Dallas. Like, I'd only been to Texas a couple of times, but never Dallas.
Speaker 3:I didn't know anybody in Dallas. I didn't even know
Speaker 6:where in Texas Dallas was. Tough. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:I legitimately thought it was Dallas was.
Speaker 4:Tough. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:I legitimately thought it was closer geographically. Like, if you looked at a map and you Yeah. A blank tech map of Texas and be like, where's Dallas? I would have pointed to, like, closer to where Austin is. Oh, wow.
Speaker 5:I that's where
Speaker 3:I thought I was going. So I
Speaker 5:accepted the offer. And then Antonio. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I accepted the offer.
Speaker 5:And the next thing I knew, I
Speaker 3:pulled up Apple Maps. As soon as I hit send on that email, I was like, okay. Where's Dallas? And I
Speaker 7:was like, oh, that's not at all. We're
Speaker 5:gonna go.
Speaker 3:That's so Alright. So you do public speaking.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And just around kind of that motivational, like Yeah. Seeing the value in yourself and seeing the best in you Yeah. Being the best you. But you wanna get that that wisdom within kind of the mentoring world. So how did you how did you hear about 4 Runner?
Speaker 3:How did you get plugged in? Yeah. You'd only been here for, what, 2 months or so?
Speaker 4:Yeah. So that's really good. So I have a mentor myself. His name is Jonathan Catherman, And me and him had a mentor relationship. He's more of my friend now, but, you know, we started a mentor relationship when I was a sophomore in college.
Speaker 4:That's kinda when I was really going all in. I scrapped out every single plan b that was possible, and I went full in on to what it was that I wanted to do. And him just through mentoring over the years, he wasn't really able to give me a job himself. He didn't live where I lived. And he was like, well, you know, I can, you know, see what I can do as far as, like, who I know, stuff like that.
Speaker 4:Like, we need to get you into my network. Yeah. We need to get you into something that's more catered towards your purpose and not just a regular job. You know, you need to build on that. So funny thing, I think he was sending some type of information or statistic to forerunner about how to, like, you know, take statistics for something.
Speaker 4:I'm not really sure, but it was around that area. So they're they were communicating. And he was like, oh, by the way, Steven. There's a guy who just moved out to Dallas. You know, I think he'd be a great fit for, you know, your team.
Speaker 4:I don't know what you guys have available, but, you know, like, y'all should meet up. So I came here, met up with Steven, had a great conversation. I think I was looking for, like, a full time position at the time. Right?
Speaker 5:Yeah. We all are. Right?
Speaker 4:And I was like,
Speaker 5:oh, like Do I want to?
Speaker 4:Do I wanna take a pay cut for real? Like, work part time? Like, how am I gonna make it happen? Like, this is craziness. Right?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I get it.
Speaker 4:And I was just working I was working a job as, like, a for a marketing firm where I literally had to go talk to strangers, like, outside of, like, the grocery stores and, like, get them to donate money, like, to it's, like, this charity or this nonprofit or whatever. And, like, that was literally, like, Monday to Saturday from 8 to, like, 7 every single day. It was just Outside.
Speaker 3:Outside going and talking to people walking outside.
Speaker 4:Bro, it was horrible. I had to drive like, you had to pay your own gas. They would not cover your gas. You have to drive all the way, like, to Decatur, Texas to to to
Speaker 5:That's right. To
Speaker 4:what's that spot called? Denton, all the way down to Waxahachie. Like, they have you drive everywhere. It's kinda
Speaker 3:like driving Uber and Lyft. You just you're responsible for everything and you don't know where you're gonna end up.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. And that was not it. And I was like, well, you know what? If I take this, like, I know God's gonna provide.
Speaker 4:Like, this is something that he's called me to do for a while. Like, I've been doing stuff like this since I was, like, 12. Even as a student, I was a student leader. I was teaching the kids, and they were older than me. You know?
Speaker 4:So I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna take the position. I can't do this no more. I'm I'm losing my soul at this job. Like, there's no way.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I relate to that.
Speaker 4:That. I was able to get another part time position, and it it just jelled. It happened at the perfect time. Right before program was about to start was right when I got put on. So, like, I didn't have I didn't go through training until Yeah.
Speaker 3:I was gonna say you you didn't go through training, did you?
Speaker 4:You you
Speaker 3:kinda learned on the job.
Speaker 4:Learned on the job. And literally, like, maybe a couple of days before program actually started, I'd be in doing my training.
Speaker 6:Like a
Speaker 3:crash course of, like, alright. Here's the basics you need to know.
Speaker 4:That was day 1 of kids are in your face. You know? So but
Speaker 5:it was cool though because,
Speaker 4:you know, again, like, I've had experience doing that. So it wasn't like
Speaker 5:a, you know
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh. What a blast. Experience with kids or with Yeah. Yeah. You know, being a leader.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Gotcha. Okay. So you got plugged in right at the end of training. You jumped in with very, very little training from 4 Runner.
Speaker 4:From 4
Speaker 3:Runner. Yeah. You had a mentor. How did you connect with your mentor? You said you guys weren't really in the same area.
Speaker 4:So at the University of North Florida, we have the Taylor Leadership Institute. Shout out to them. And also shout out to doctor Olsen. He was he is the, like, the godly sorry, doctor Olsen. I don't know what you are at that.
Speaker 4:But he's the he's the guy. He's the guy. I don't know what you call the title, but he's the guy.
Speaker 3:The goat.
Speaker 4:He's the dude. He basically runs it and
Speaker 3:The Dean?
Speaker 4:No. Not the Dean, but, like, I don't know. I don't know. Like, I I'd spend, like, a minute trying to figure out what what his term is. But he's awesome.
Speaker 4:And he's always, like, just building people up, helping them see the value within themselves. And I remember when I was a sophomore going through that transition of, okay, you know what? Because because I was an accounting major, and I essentially, I wanted to go to school to be a civil engineer. I wanted to be a civil engineer my whole life.
Speaker 3:Wow. That's, like, very different.
Speaker 4:Super different. But when I realized that I would probably be miserable working a 9 to 5 as a accountant or engineer, and that I just I didn't want it that bad. And I realized, okay, what would I love what would I love to do every single day of my life that I wouldn't get tired of?
Speaker 3:And you landed on public speaking?
Speaker 4:I landed on English. I studied I studied English. So I changed my major to English. No plan b's, and I walked in. Because, you know, if you wanna be a better speaker, you gotta read and write.
Speaker 4:And if you wanna be a better writer, you gotta read and write. So A lot. A lot. Then that's all you did in English.
Speaker 5:So That's fair.
Speaker 4:I did that, and then I did the poetry, like, minor, like, concentration so that you know, because I love poetry and I write poetry. So but yeah. So I walked into his the office, and I was like, hey, doctor Olsen. I just changed my major. I know I wanna speak.
Speaker 4:I know I wanna be an author, but I don't know what to do. Like, I need someone who is proficient in these areas, who's making a living doing exactly the thing that I wanna do. And that's who Jonathan Catherman is.
Speaker 6:You know?
Speaker 4:He's like a sociologist, but he travels or he traveled around the world, spoken to different schools, businesses, all those things, and he's a best selling author of multiple books. So it's like, he is the epitome of, like, I need to do that right there. Gotcha. So he happened to be very close friends with him, and he's like, hey. Here's Taj.
Speaker 3:He kinda connected
Speaker 4:you to that. Yeah. He connected me to he connected us together, and we've just gelled ever since. You know? So that's how I kinda got plugged into to my mentor through through the school.
Speaker 3:Okay. So you got plugged in your sophomore year. Did you have any mentors growing up? Or, you know, what did what did childhood look like in terms of the guidance from adults? Man,
Speaker 4:I love that. So I I always claim to have, you know, some mentors. People might be your mentor, and they don't even know they're mentoring you. You know what I'm saying? In a sense, because they're they're influencing you.
Speaker 4:They're guiding you in some way, shape, or form. I always give credit, you know, shout out to my uncle. He wasn't, like, my mentor mentor, but he was someone that I could speak to when I was younger. He was someone that I wasn't afraid to talk to things about, and he helped me definitely. It was definitely a shoulder for me to lean on while I was navigating through middle school and high school.
Speaker 4:But a big passion as to why I want to be a mentor and why I I love doing what I do is because when I was younger, I grew up in a single family household. You know, parents divorced, stuff like that. I didn't really like where I was in relation
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:With my parents. And that led me to be very feel very, like, lonely. So I learned to just watch people and see what they do with their lives and then figure out, is this gonna work for me?
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then kinda just model your behavior after that.
Speaker 4:That's so when I was maybe, like, 11 years old, no, like, 12 years old, 7th grade
Speaker 6:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:I really just I was asking them all constantly. How do you become wise? How do you become wise? How do you become wise? What's wisdom?
Speaker 4:What's wisdom? And that's all I was focused on. I knew that a great way to become wiser to to make less bad decisions and avoid, you know, quote, unquote pain, which is totally necessary. But, yeah, as a young kid, you don't wanna feel pain.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:So I'm
Speaker 5:like Nobody does. Right? Even adults don't wanna
Speaker 3:feel pain. I don't wanna feel pain.
Speaker 4:Right? But it's it's necessary.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So I literally just sat and I watched. I watched my mom. I broke down whatever I could understand about her and her life. I broke I watched my father. I watched my peers.
Speaker 4:I watched my aunties, my uncles. So in a way, I feel like, yeah, they weren't necessarily I didn't necessarily have, like, a mentor mentee relationship when I was younger. There was one guy, and he was, like, my mentor for maybe, like, a week. Mhmm. His name was mister Mac.
Speaker 4:He he just he pulled my he pulled me to the side, like, yo, you know, like, you just you got so much potential, blah blah blah. I got my mom. We probably hung out once. And it was cool, but, like, it fell off immediately. You know, it's it's a two way street.
Speaker 4:You know, he probably got busy, whatever. But other than that, man, I'd literally just sat and I just watched and kinda maneuvered from there. And I knew that because I didn't have that that person that I could go and talk to when I was younger, when I was, you know, 10 years old in in elementary school or when I was in high school or middle school, you know, and I was just internalizing everything and understanding it for myself. I'm like, dang. Like, if someone was there to mentor me, how I'm able to mentor someone else now, like, I'd be so much better for it.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So that's that's a big role as to why I love doing this because I know that there's kids who went through way worse than I went through. And if they just had someone to to mentor them, to guide them, to tell them that they believe them, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. But just tell them that somebody loves you, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. So I I love that.
Speaker 3:I mean, there's so many oh my gosh. There's so many different trails or rabbit trails that I could go down right now. But I love the idea you just saying, like, I didn't have a mentor mentee relationship, but I had all of these adults in my life that I was watching and modeling my life after evaluating what they were doing and whether that would work for me or not. I love that just because I mean, at 4 Runner, like, our primary value is what relationships
Speaker 4:change lives.
Speaker 3:Right? You know, it's it's just you know, we we have this mindset here that any relationship that we are in affects us in some way, whether that's good or bad. Yeah. Positive or negative. Relationships change lives.
Speaker 3:It's inevitable. It is Yeah. You know, the same as, like, a law of physics. Right? It it just is.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Right? And I think that's the way that we are created as humans. Right? Like, God created us that way, to be relational.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I love the idea that you didn't necessarily have a specific mentor in your life, but that you pulled kind of all like, your worldview from all of these different adults? Because it's it's almost like group mentoring but in reverse.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Fair enough. Yeah. I have a group of mentors mentoring me, not I'm mentoring a group of mentees, which is very much what being an after school program coaches kinda like. So there are definitely days where you're just like, how do I mentor 15 kids at the
Speaker 4:same time? At once in all different moods, all different attitudes, different personalities.
Speaker 3:You know, all different needs, emotional needs. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's there are days that can get a little overwhelming. Yeah. I wanna I wanna stay in that same vein though. You kind of been alluding to it a little bit, but just point blank, like, how has mentoring changed your life?
Speaker 4:Yeah. And
Speaker 3:I think the heart behind that question is more like you mentoring others. How has that changed your life? But you can also spin that into how has being mentored Yeah. In this group mentoring setting Yeah. How has that changed your life?
Speaker 4:I'll definitely hit on both. So once I actually started to be mentored, because I was always one of those people as to where if I can go do it, like, I'm a do it. And if I don't know how to, I'm gonna ask and figure out how to do it. Like, I'm a go I'm a make it happen. And once I realized that there are things that are outside of myself that I didn't understand, that I was ignorant of, I didn't know about, stuff like that Kinda
Speaker 3:that you don't know what you don't know.
Speaker 4:You don't know what you don't know, then I so when I finally got connected with Jonathan, like, I remember I I literally just spoke about this at the at UNF. They had me come back and speak to them for one of their leadership summits. So it's called, like, Taylor Talks, the TED Talks. But when I was speaking to them, I was basically telling them, like, you know, Jonathan didn't teach me how to become a leader, but what he taught me was how to be a great steward. Right?
Speaker 4:It's always practicing stewardship before leadership. So through that, Jonathan, in learning, like, just those kind of gems, that changed my whole perspective on how I viewed where I was and how I would get to where I wanted to go. And kinda just breaking down. Okay. Cool.
Speaker 4:How can I be a good steward? I need to be prepared. I need to be ready. Okay. Well, what does it mean to be ready?
Speaker 4:Alright. It means I need to be mentally there. I need to, like, have the willingness to do it. I I need to want to do it or have the right perspective. And I need to be able to do it.
Speaker 4:I need to be skilled in it, and I need to have the tools to do it. And if I don't have any of those things, then I'm not ready for it. So I was able to constantly evaluate. Okay. I need tools.
Speaker 4:Okay. Now I need the skills. Okay. Now, actually, I just need to fix my mindset. I already have the tools and the skills.
Speaker 4:And that just kinda propelled me into the direction that I'm still on now. And even when it comes to just with the kids, my understanding of how important being a steward is because stewardship is, like, that's what drives you into leadership. Because to some, like, leader could just be, like, less than a little more than the title. Like, oh, I'm leader. I'm CEO.
Speaker 4:I'm leader of everybody. Blah
Speaker 3:blah blah. I'm in charge. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But if you're not being a good steward of the things that you that are entrusted into your care, then, like Probably not
Speaker 3:gonna be a leader for very long.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Or you're not gonna be a good one. You know? Yeah.
Speaker 6:You'll be
Speaker 4:a leader, but you probably won't be a great leader or a good leader. So now that I have that understanding, and there's so much more that I'm gonna be learning. But with the kids, now I can help them understand that because I didn't get that until I was 19, 20 years old.
Speaker 6:If I
Speaker 4:can help them understand that at 10 11 years old, it's so different. Yeah. So basically now, my perspective is okay, Taj. What are the key things that you wish you would have learned when you were younger that that would push you with them? Because they're not they're they're they're kids.
Speaker 4:They're not gonna understand stuff. You know, it's like most of the time you talk to them, you're like, you understand when you're older. Older. You'll you'll you'll get it right over the top. Just pocket it for Just wait.
Speaker 5:Pocket it for now. Yeah.
Speaker 3:In in 15 years maybe, you'll be like, oh,
Speaker 4:that's what he was talking about. Yeah. So now I'm just like, okay. How can I just spoon feed this to them? So the biggest things that I focus on with the kids, and it helps me evaluate myself and where I'm at still is the stewardship and being proactive instead of reactive.
Speaker 3:Alright. Proactive instead of reactive. Dig into that. What does that mean?
Speaker 4:Being proactive is basically doing things that you can do something about. Alright? Okay. So if if it's in my circle of control, then I can do something about it.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Being reactive is not taking control of the things that you can control and just letting things happen, and then therefore reacting.
Speaker 3:And then having to deal with the consequences after.
Speaker 4:Or letting the actions of others, things outside of your control again, affect you.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:So a lot of things with our kids and me, you know, I had very bad anger issues growing up, very bad attitude. I was fighting, you know, angry, not fun. But all of that is from a reactive state. People are saying this about me. People said this about my mom.
Speaker 4:People said this about my shoes. I'm mad. I'm gonna fight you now. Oh, people thought this about me, so I'm mad. I'm sad.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna fight you. And then it's not it's okay to be feel those emotions.
Speaker 6:Right. But
Speaker 4:when we let those things control our lives, that's where we get in trouble. And that's where a lot of our young kids get in trouble still. That's how every young kid gets in trouble. It's more because they're caught up in their emotions, and they're just reacting instead of controlling what they can control, what's what what they have, agency with. So when it comes to them, I'm constantly preaching like, okay, guys.
Speaker 4:Yeah. He he just said something about your mama, but did that physically hurt you? Probably not. Did he slap you? No.
Speaker 4:I know you're mad, but you don't have to go punch him in the face.
Speaker 3:You know?
Speaker 4:You don't have to take that extra step. You are in control of the decisions you make. Right? You are the sum of your you are the sum of your choices. Yeah.
Speaker 4:So, yeah, he made you mad. Yeah. She made you sad, but you don't have to act in that way. Instead, you can turn it and do something else. You know, channel and do or do nothing.
Speaker 4:You know? So that's one of the biggest things that I'm trying to teach them because, you know, it can definitely grow. And, you know, that that victim mentality, oh, this happened to me, and so I had to do that. I'm glad that happened to me. And these kids are too smart and too filled.
Speaker 4:Like, they are in this, like, crazy technology age, like, one that I've never even I came when I was younger, like, the iPhone was just coming out. You know?
Speaker 3:I I mean, I was in high school when
Speaker 4:I was younger. I was in middle school, like, oh, okay. IPhone 1, you know, the silverback. Cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:They grow up with
Speaker 3:of a phone.
Speaker 4:With VR headsets and, like, their their access to technology and their understanding of it is crazy, which makes their capacity for learning even higher than the previous generations. So for them to have that much potential and to squander it by not learning how to either one, take accountability for their actions and steward the things that have been entrusted into their care, and then not be able to analyze and hold themselves accountable to the things that they can control, instead just let everybody else affect them, like, we're not doing a good job at guiding them then if we let that happen. Exactly. That has been one of the biggest things, and I can only have I would have only I have only gotten to this space here because of my understanding with what my mentor had taught me then. So that's kinda just my biggest focus now.
Speaker 4:Like, reactive, proactive, and then how can you be a good steward? You have to take care of the things that you have. If you're a student, your grades, you know, turning in your homework, that's being a good steward. You know, if you're you're a kid, being a good steward is also making sure that you're being a a good son, you know, a good daughter.
Speaker 6:You know what
Speaker 4:I mean? This is an all boys program, but still, if your mom tells you to do something, bro, suck it up and do it. You just gotta do it. It is what it is.
Speaker 5:You know? You can
Speaker 4:be mad, sad, angry, whatever, but you get it done, and you just practice that stewardship because in life, there's gonna be so many things that you're gonna have to do that you don't wanna do. And
Speaker 6:it's just
Speaker 4:like so if we can get them if I can get them to at least just understand one of those three things, then I would have to do my job.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. So I love that. I in the junior high program, especially when there's those fights, we I take it one step farther in our in our disciplined conversations. Right?
Speaker 3:I drill of course, I drill home on the, like, just because he said something doesn't mean you get a smack to me. Right? Like, that that's not helpful, and that's just escalating. But I also tend to slip into that conversation somewhere. And it's never always in the right or the same place, but I try to always emphasize just this idea of, like, you become what you practice.
Speaker 4:Facts.
Speaker 3:Right? So, like, if you're right if you're in junior high right now, 7th, 8th grade, you're 13, 14th, like, the stakes are low. Right? You get in a fight, what's gonna happen? Maybe you get suspended.
Speaker 4:I I assess.
Speaker 3:Yeah. ISS, OSS, something like that. Like, maybe you get suspended. Probably, you get suspended, especially at, like, Highlands junior high. But what you're doing right now, if you're angry and you get in a fight, all you're doing is you're practicing how you're going to respond when you're 18, 19, 20.
Speaker 3:And the next thing you know, especially, like I mean, 4 Runner is not in a great neighborhood. Like, you get in a fight with the wrong person around here, you're you're gonna get shot. Right? So it's the sad reality of just this area. There's so much gang activity around here.
Speaker 3:And that's why we're here, is that we're trying to find those kids that are prone to that or I mean, ultimately, you know, we're here to to serve students who don't or boys, specifically, who don't have father figures in the home.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But the
Speaker 3:the sad reality is that they're also the most likely to end up in those gangs and drug activity and criminal activity. And, like, we we want to help them see their potential and fulfill it. And so, you know, I always try to slip in, like, the you you become what you practice. So if you're practicing right now, getting in a fight, and responding to your anger, which is totally justified like, you can be angry. That's not a problem.
Speaker 3:Like, if we if it was a sin to be angry, we God would not have made us with anger. Right? If you're practicing responding to that anger by lashing out and acting out and fighting and hitting and, you know, just all on brawl Yeah. Which some of these 7th graders I don't know if you've seen them. Some of these 7th graders are as big as me.
Speaker 3:And I'm, like, 6 4 and 250.
Speaker 4:The kids are getting bigger and bigger. They're, like, 40 year old cousins. They're, like, 6 3.
Speaker 3:Yeah. They're getting bigger and bigger. Like, last year, we had 2 kids who were as tall as me and much larger. Yeah. And I told them at the end of the year, I was like, I'm super thankful that neither of you decided to get in a fight, especially with each other.
Speaker 3:Because if you guys
Speaker 5:bro. Yeah. Just wait. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But I try to slip in that idea because it's like, if you're practicing that now
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's gonna matter in 5 years.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And it's gonna come like this.
Speaker 3:And 5 years is literally Right
Speaker 4:down the road.
Speaker 3:Just talking about, like, August feeling like it was yesterday. Like, 5 years is only gonna feel like a week from now. Right? So it's like, if you're practicing that now at 13 and 14, in 5 years when it matters because if you hit somebody when you're 18, what's gonna happen? Yep.
Speaker 4:You get charges.
Speaker 3:You're gonna get charges. You're probably gonna spend some time behind bars. That's not what we want. Right? That's not our goal.
Speaker 3:So part of casting that vision for them, helping them to see their potential is like, you are a man of God. You can respond with love to these things that make you angry, make you sad, whatever. You're having a bad day. I get it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right? You know, if you're having a bad day, you can always be like, yo, coach Josh. I'm having a bad day. It. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm not feeling it. I'm like, cool. There's a chair over there. You can go hang out there, be on your phone. I'll make sure that the rest of the kids leave you alone so that you can kinda just have some time to yourself.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's one of the biggest things with the kids. Like, especially, like, I remember being 5th grade, you know, 6th grade. That's the boys that I coach right now. But, like, some of the kids, they'll come in, tell them they're having a good day.
Speaker 4:You know, they wanna throw chairs, curse at people. Through the window. Right? And it's like, okay, bro. This is well, great lesson.
Speaker 4:You're upset. You're mad. You're irritable. Got you. I get that way too.
Speaker 4:Now let's communicate that. Let's practice it. I I I'm not gonna read your mind. Hey, coach Taj, I'm not feeling it right now. You don't even have to tell me why.
Speaker 4:Thank you for telling me. What would you like to do? How can I support you? Alright. I need to I need to go take a break.
Speaker 4:I need to go sit down. I need to go lay down. Bet. Go ahead. Right?
Speaker 4:Because a lot again, especially for men too, like, we we we not really taught we aren't really taught how to communicate our emotions.
Speaker 3:In fact, it's almost like our society tells us the opposite. They hide our emotions.
Speaker 4:I don't want our kids to miss out one of those vital lessons because, again, you you like, the things that you practice now will turn into those habits later. So it's like, if you're able to communicate to coach Sage, hey, I'm I'm angry, I'm mad, I'm sad. I just need some time off. Alright. Let's go take that time.
Speaker 4:Because now you're practicing analyzing where you are, verbally communicating that. And then also when you have a wife I was gonna say it sets you up for These are things that will set you, like and these are such gems. Like, and they're so simple in the time, and the kids might not see the fruit of it right now, but just being angry.
Speaker 3:They're married and they're like, hey, honey, I'm feeling x y z.
Speaker 6:Hey, man.
Speaker 4:You you just made me angry. And they'll be like Let's have this conversation later, please. I need to go lay down
Speaker 3:or something. Self regulate somewhere.
Speaker 4:So it's it's so important for us to to do that with those kids because again, you know, you you that you are like, I I like to I like I I always read, like, you know, you're the sum of your choice, but the things that you do now, they're gonna be the things that you continue to practice and they're gonna be stuck with you. And it's hard to break a habit.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's so hard. You know I think people can
Speaker 5:relate to that. But, yeah, that's so good, though.
Speaker 3:So we've talked a little bit about, like, who mentored you. We talked about the we've talked about, like, how mentoring has changed your life from both being mentored but also being a mentor. Mhmm.
Speaker 6:Why
Speaker 3:don't we jump into just some of the growth you've seen in your students. Right? You coach the 5 to 6 grades, which means that next year, I get some of your class because I'm junior high, so I'm 7th and 8th. So, basically, I'm adopting whatever you've been teaching them because I'm inheriting that next year. So you you coach the 5th through 6th grade.
Speaker 3:So they're what? 10 11, 12, 11, 12. Yeah. 10, 11, somewhere in there Yeah. Which means they're, like, just starting to hit puberty.
Speaker 3:They're just
Speaker 4:starting mustache hair. Everything changes, bro. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And so it's so much fun to do that. But, yeah, they're just starting to hit puberty, maybe just starting to notice girls or whatever. It's like, what? You've kind of already drilled on the, like, what you're what you're drilling down on with them.
Speaker 3:The the remind me of the passion.
Speaker 4:Oh, about, like, the being the good steward.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Being a good steward. Proactive versus reactive. So you those are kinda what you're targeting.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:How how have you seen your kids grow in those areas? Do you have any stories? Do you have any yeah. Just
Speaker 6:paint us
Speaker 3:paint us a picture
Speaker 5:of 5th
Speaker 3:and 6th grade in the after school program at 4 Runner.
Speaker 4:Goodness gracious. I have a lot of the stories and a lot of them are like small ones. So we'll say, Elijah, when we first started, when I first met him, he would get an attitude, shut down completely, and then just throw a fit the rest of the day. That was where he was, emotionally. And I understood exactly where he was coming from because that's what I would do.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm mad. I'm tears coming down my face. I'm angry. I wanna hit somebody.
Speaker 4:I just won't say nothing. But it's not healthy. So constantly, constantly, constantly, like, I will go to Elijah. Okay, Elijah. What's going on, bro?
Speaker 4:I need you to speak English, Elijah. I I can't like,
Speaker 5:I don't know what that means. I don't
Speaker 3:have the gift of tongues.
Speaker 5:Right? Like, I'm here
Speaker 4:to help you. Right? I understand you're mad. I get it. Right?
Speaker 4:And for a long time, maybe for, like, 2, 3 months, bro would just be like, and then, you know, like, you know, just so like, you wanna he wants to talk, but it's so hard to get it out of him because he's so used to just holding it, holding it, holding
Speaker 3:it up. Almost like he doesn't have the language.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Right?
Speaker 4:Yeah. So I remember I forgot what happened. Maybe he got slapped in the back. You know, it could be anything with these kids, bro. Anything.
Speaker 4:Either someone got slapped in the back of the head, someone looked at this person this type of way and they took offense to it, like Somebody took your pencil Right. Chairs lying everywhere, tables flipped, like, craziness. And he just got, like, into a rage, like, immediately. And he starts, like he, like, cursed at him. He moved away, and I'm, like, pushing him back, like, bro, like, come on now.
Speaker 4:And he's trying to push me. And obviously, we're bigger than the kids. But some of these boys are strong. But Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:Like, we're bigger than the kids.
Speaker 4:I'm like, Elijah, bro. This fight, this is not this is not a fight. You're not gonna win this fight. Let's just go somewhere else, bro. So I finally get him, like, calm down to the corner.
Speaker 4:And I'm like, bro, I'm here for you. Like, just take your time. What's going on? And and he finally, like, instead of just, like, you know, mumbling everything, he's like, this person did this. This person did this.
Speaker 4:How did that make you feel, bro? It made me mad. This blah blah blah. And he's just, like, telling me everything. And I'm like, alright.
Speaker 4:This is awesome. Yeah. Okay. Now, like, how can I serve you? Like, what do you need right now?
Speaker 4:Do you just wanna chill? Do you just wanna just go with another group? Do you wanna just go outside? Like, what do you wanna do?
Speaker 3:Shoot some hoops.
Speaker 4:Do you wanna snack? You know, some of these boys is hungry. You know? They're just hungry. Do you want a snack?
Speaker 4:He's like,
Speaker 5:snack. Okay, bro. Let's go get you a snack. And then,
Speaker 4:like, you know, he's finally but, like, the fact that he was able to verbalize what happened, how he felt about it, why he why he was gonna do what he was gonna do, and then how he could, take himself out of that was amazing. A great win. You know?
Speaker 3:Do you remember the old Snickers?
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 4:You're not you when you're hungry.
Speaker 3:This guy that's just acted like a giant t rex or whatever. They're like, bro, eat a Snickers.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Yeah. No. That sucks, though.
Speaker 3:It's so real. Especially with kids. Yeah.
Speaker 5:These kids, when they hungry, bro, they'll even talk to them. Like, they need food. But Give them food and
Speaker 3:then let them calm down
Speaker 5:for a minute.
Speaker 4:But that that was a good one with them. Some other ones that a lot of my students start to do now is they remove themselves from the situation. Oh my gosh. I'd be wanting to cry when I
Speaker 3:see it, bro. It makes me so happy. Please tell me some of them are 6th graders.
Speaker 4:I hope I think so.
Speaker 5:I think so. Because I can
Speaker 3:use that.
Speaker 4:I think so. But, like, a lot of the times, the boys, they don't back down. Right?
Speaker 6:Yeah. You
Speaker 4:know? When they step out
Speaker 3:to them, they're gonna
Speaker 4:They just go back and forth, back and forth, sometimes to the point where I'm like, bro, if y'all wanna just be best friends, go ahead and do it because y'all just like bothering each other at this point. Y'all bother each other on purpose, complain to me about it. I don't wanna hear about it. Y'all want this. Be friends or just leave each
Speaker 5:other alone. Like, those are your 2 options. Like, please. So
Speaker 4:so they'll just go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And I think, well, I'll say Emmett. Emmett was also another kid who catch a attitude, like, a lot of attitude problems with these boys, and I get it. I was the same. You know?
Speaker 4:But he catch your attitude, sucking his teeth, doing all this other stuff, standing stuff under his breath. People make it like, cool. And he's like, Kossage, like, he keeps saying this. He keeps touching me. He keeps touching me.
Speaker 4:He keeps touching me. So why haven't you moved yet? I was here first. Okay. So you don't then obviously him touching you isn't that much of a problem.
Speaker 4:So you just wanna complain about it. No. I hate okay. So then move. Right?
Speaker 4:You have you you can't control him touching you. Right?
Speaker 3:You can't control What you can't control is
Speaker 4:where you are. You can get up and you can walk somewhere else. Now, if he follows you, that's on him.
Speaker 5:And that's what he would make your problem.
Speaker 4:But you need to remove yourself from the situation. Oh, well, if he hits me then you know, I'm a no. Because look, you get up, you go across the room, you sit on the other side of the bench, you sit on the other side of the line, the square, whatever we're at, and he follows you, he's the one in trouble, not you. Because I recognize that you saw that there was a problem and you did what you could to move yourself. You can't control what people say to you.
Speaker 4:Again, this is
Speaker 5:what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4:You can't control what people say to you. You can't control what they do to you, but you control how you respond to it. And that's so just to see, like, how because Emmett's not the only one who will move himself, like, even one of the, like I think literally, maybe, like, 2 not 2 days ago, but last weekend last week, so Friday
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:One of our boys, Lincoln, his brother came, smacked him dead in the face. Pow. Giggled a little bit.
Speaker 5:I'm not gonna lie. I can just imagine because I know I know that I'm I can just imagine. They go at it, bro.
Speaker 4:They go at it, and Lincoln was
Speaker 3:living. Surprising to me.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And I'm like, bro, this is your brother. Like, y'all should be taking care of each other, not abusing each other. Yeah.
Speaker 5:You should be the best friends.
Speaker 4:Come on now. But he was livid. And I could tell he was just waiting and waiting and waiting for when Logan would drop his guard so he can go get him back, get his get back as they say.
Speaker 3:I wanna get him
Speaker 4:my get back, blah blah blah. And he just sat there angry. Now, I'm like, alright, Lincoln. I recognize you're angry, bro. I get it.
Speaker 4:He just slapped you in the face. I'd be mad too.
Speaker 3:I probably stung a bit.
Speaker 4:Yeah. He definitely did. But this right here, this is gonna con this is what you do is gonna tell me about your character. That's what speaks to your character. Right?
Speaker 4:You're a man of God, you know, he a lot revenge belongs to God. We don't gotta worry about none of that. You know, he's gonna get what's coming in him. You reap what you sow. So for you, I I need you to help me.
Speaker 4:We need to figure out how we're what we're gonna do today to make sure that we don't retaliate because those those 2 will will make it go on for weeks. Just back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. So we need to end this now. And you are in control. The ball is in your court.
Speaker 4:Again, you can't control you can't control it, you just slap the crap out
Speaker 5:of you. But you could you could control
Speaker 3:How you respond to it.
Speaker 4:How you respond to it. So for the longest, he sat there quiet. And I'm just sitting there waiting patiently. A lot of times, they just some of the boys just want you to be there. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like, sometimes, you know They just
Speaker 3:need to know somebody's there that cares.
Speaker 4:Yeah. You know? And sometimes, you know, I I fall I don't wanna say fallen because, you know, you do have to kinda recognize, choose your battles. There'll be some times where the boys are just quiet and they just wanna see how long you'll stay. But I ain't got time for that, bro.
Speaker 4:Cool. 5 minutes later, Lincoln, I I need you to speak English, bro. Like, I need you to use your words. This will make this communication so much easier. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Now he's sighing, making noises. Like, okay, Lincoln. We're so close. And then he's like, I just need you to trust me. I'm like, trust you for what?
Speaker 4:Just trust that I won't hit him. And, like, now he's able to just spill out all these things and tell me, like, okay. I'm not gonna hit him. You know, I'm gonna stay away from him. I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna do that. And now he's, like, verbally saying it. So it's not me telling him, but not only is he saying it, but he's hearing himself say it. Like, alright, Lincoln. Don't break my trust.
Speaker 4:But again, you go from nonverbal whatsoever in a straight rage to be able to communicate what you're gonna do, how you're gonna respond, and what you're not gonna do. So it's like those are just great ones. And almost every single one of my boys have, like, practiced removing themselves, committing to me that they're not gonna do whatever it is that they really, really wanna do. Yeah. Or just like And and even still.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And even that is I mean, we we tell them the 5 traits of a man of god, responsibility, humility, integrity, leadership, and respect.
Speaker 6:Right? They all know that.
Speaker 3:Like, you can ask any kid who's been at 4 Runner for longer than a week. Yeah. Facts. Day 2, they know, bro. And you can be like, what are the 5 traits of
Speaker 5:a man of god? And they'll be like, responsibility, humility, integrity, leadership, and
Speaker 3:respect. We made a rap out of it.
Speaker 4:I
Speaker 3:mean, they know it. And so even in those moments, like, you're not only just mentoring them in, like, how you're responding, right, or
Speaker 4:how to
Speaker 3:respond, but, a, how to respect yourself and others, but also how to be a man of integrity. Right? Because you're saying, like, I need you like, they're committing to you. Like, I'm not gonna I'm not about to go smack this kid. Right?
Speaker 3:And they're committing that to you, and then them following through on that is literally integrity. Because, I mean, it's just part of being a coach and group mentoring is you can't have eyes on every kid every second of the day. Facts. You gotta just trust that they're capable of relating to each other Yeah. Without getting into Super Smash Bros.
Speaker 5:Fast. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 3:So it's like, you know, we're just by the nature of the program and and how we're set up and structured, like, we're instilling in them a sense of integrity, especially after we've already had the conversation of we're not doing this. Right? And they're like, no. I'm not gonna do that. And then them following through, like, you can even then go back and praise that and be like, Lincoln.
Speaker 3:You know? You're you're such a man of god. You have just such a strong sense of integrity. Thank you for following through on that.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right? And then that that, you know, builds on top of itself. So one of the things even within that, like, you know, you're talking about how a lot of your your process is just pulling them aside, letting them kinda cool down and sit down and and whatnot. And that can take, you know, 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes, whatever. Yeah.
Speaker 3:One of the things that I do in the junior high that I've found to be fairly successful, it at least helps kind of expedite that process a little bit, is and I'm gonna try really hard to not get super nerdy about brain science. But there's 30,000 front view. There's 2 parts of your brain, the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. Prefrontal cortex is logic and reasoning. Limbic system is literally like, it's been nicknamed your lizard brain.
Speaker 3:Right? It's that reactive state. Yeah. So what I do is to kind of help expedite that process of getting them back into their prefrontal cortex from their limbic system is I do something that I call, I disrupt their thinking. Right?
Speaker 3:Kid gets in a fight, Their emotions are high, angry, whatever. Right? Yeah. And you're like, okay. Cool.
Speaker 3:We're gonna talk about this because y'all just got in a fight. But I can't talk to you until you can start speaking English. Right? Like, I cannot I anything I say until you've calmed down is irrelevant. Right?
Speaker 3:So what I do is I break up the fight or whatever the problem is. Right? I pull the pull one of them out into the hall, usually the more angry of the 2. And the first thing I do, I let them breathe for, you know, a good 15, 20, 30 seconds or whatever, just to kinda start to start to self regulate a little bit. But, usually, by then, they're still steaming.
Speaker 3:Right? You know, they're still in fight or flight mode or whatever. It's usually fight mode. And then what I do is I'm like, how's school going? Yeah.
Speaker 3:And they're like, What? They're like, can we just talk about whatever it is we need to talk about? I'm like, we'll get there. How's school going? Fine, I guess.
Speaker 3:Okay. What's what's the best part of the day? What, you know, what was something cool that happened? Yeah. You know?
Speaker 3:And then after a little bit more grumbling and whatever, alright. How's your mom doing? Right? And I'm literally talking about I'm I'm literally just making small talk with them. Right?
Speaker 3:I'm talking about anything other than what just happened. Yeah. Right? Because I know that as soon as I start talking about that, especially if they're still worked up
Speaker 4:And they're all right back up.
Speaker 3:It's gonna yeah. All that emotion's gonna come right back up, and they're gonna shut down again. So, you know, it's literally talking about anything. You know, it could be the Cowboys. It could be the Mavericks.
Speaker 3:It could be the latest music video they're watching or TikTok or whatever. It's like, find something. It doesn't matter. And it's so cool because you can literally see the shift. Right?
Speaker 3:It's like, as you're talking, it's like something clicks in them, and they're back into actually processing things. And you're like, okay. Cool. Now Yeah. What just happened?
Speaker 4:Facts.
Speaker 3:And then they can start to actually intelligently, like, tell you what's going on.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then we dig into the whole, like, okay. How does that make you feel? And what is a better response? And, you know, you practice what you become or you become what you practice, you know, that kind of stuff. But it all starts with, how do I get you re engaged and through the limbic state as fast as possible?
Speaker 3:Because I got 12 kids and one coach. I'm like you guys where you got 5 coaches for
Speaker 4:Facts. Like
Speaker 3:30 kids.
Speaker 5:Like, it's me and JT.
Speaker 3:It's like any every minute I'm in the hall is one more minute for something bad to go go on inside. So it's like, I gotta get through that as quick as possible. But it's I've just had a lot of success with that. So
Speaker 4:That's good. And I like that the man of god characteristics, because even with just the respect part, like, I always think, like, think about your future self. Because that's that's what got me through. Yeah. Every from 12 years old, I've been thinking about what I'm gonna be doing when I'm 23, 24, 25, how I'm gonna take care of my wife and my kids.
Speaker 4:I'm 12, bro. Don't even have bills yet. But I'm always thinking about future self.
Speaker 3:Barely interested in girls.
Speaker 4:Right? You know? So even in those actions of just like, okay, I'm gonna take a step away. Okay, I'm gonna calm down. I'm not gonna act this way.
Speaker 4:I'm, you know, I'm gonna just gonna walk away this time. Like, you are respecting yourself
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:More than, like, more than just a person, like, who now I'm not gonna say who cares, but to you, it's like, who cares? I'm gonna protect myself by not acting.
Speaker 6:Right.
Speaker 4:Because when you get older, again, and we're we're we're not we're 20 now, and you outside, you're with your friends, someone steps to you some type of way that you didn't like, respecting yourself looks like just going home instead of trying to buck up and, you know, now now now you got some more you that you don't need. Now now you have a charge. Now you have this. Now you're in a fight. Now you so it's like there's just so much that there's so much value in those characteristics that they can embody, and it goes for just because a lot of times they're like, oh, it's outward.
Speaker 4:It's outward. You know? I have to have to have
Speaker 3:it figured. Mindset.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So, you know, it's really good.
Speaker 3:Cool. Alright. Last last question. We've kinda talked about it a little bit, but we'll do this question and then kinda wrap it up.
Speaker 5:Do it.
Speaker 3:What is the why? This is the this is the epitome of the episode. It's the title of the episode. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Why?
Speaker 3:What is the why behind mentoring for you? Why do you mentor kids from hard places in Lake Highlands, in Dallas, at Forerunner Mentoring? Why are you here?
Speaker 4:That is good. I know I kinda spoke about it a little bit. But while I'm thinking about it now, I recognized when I was younger that the if I wanted to change the world, right, not only would it have to start with me, but it start with my family. It started with how Wi Fi chose the dynamic that we have. And then when we have children, how we raise our children up to be.
Speaker 4:Obviously, we only have so much control because they will be their own agents. But if I was able to culminate a specific type of, you know, build with God, you know, specific type of identity, a specific type of direction with my children, then they would have influence and impact on others and others and others. Right? And that's how I kinda culminate. That's how I saw that.
Speaker 4:But the biggest thing was the children. It started with the kids. Right. Everything that I learned, I learned from I like, I learned from being a child. Right.
Speaker 4:You know, most of our twenties, you know, is unpacking your childhood. And then Working through all
Speaker 7:the trauma of the childhood so that you're
Speaker 3:good for the thirties. Right.
Speaker 4:So there's just so much importance on being a child and what you learn and what you see. And that has the biggest like, what you get from those 18 years will affect you the rest of the 60 years that you're alive. And I know that I always view myself as like a vessel. Like, I'm not supposed to be here. I have so many stories of how I almost died and all these different things, and, you know, I know that God has definitely placed me here to to just to be that vessel, to pour.
Speaker 4:And if I know that this starts with the kids, my biggest thing would be to go back to the kids. So the fact that I am able to work with the middle the middle schoolers, the elementary schoolers, and be able to help guide their young minds and do something that I wasn't really able to do for myself and that I didn't have anybody, you know, not too many mentors or anything until I was 20, you know. I didn't really have that person when I was 12, 15, 10 years old. I can help them and kinda, again, help cultivate them, help push them, help raise them into that next leader, you know, so that they can therefore impact their peers their peers their peers. And they just kinda keeps that that cycle going.
Speaker 4:It's almost like that domino effect. That's kinda how I see each child. You know? 1 of these kids are gonna do something that'll change the the way the world works. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:What if it's something in technology? What if it's becoming the president? What if they just whatever the case may be.
Speaker 3:Man, that
Speaker 6:would be
Speaker 3:so cool. Right.
Speaker 6:To,
Speaker 3:like, be be the mentor on one of these kids, and 30 years from now, I'll be like, he's president. I'll be
Speaker 4:like That's crazy. Right? But that's how much potential they have. Yeah. And if we are not able to step in now and when they're young and help them see that for themselves, then we're doing them a disservice because it does start with them.
Speaker 4:Your personality like, you your your like, your base personality is already cultivated when you're, like, 4 or 5 years old, and then everything you learn after that is built upon that. So by the time you're, like, 18, 17 years old, you're basically who you're gonna be for the rest of your life until something traumatic happens, whatever. So why not focus on those years now Right. Before we get there? So that is my why.
Speaker 4:My why is that children are so important in my childhood. Obviously, everybody's childhood was such a vital area, and that will make or break the rest of your life. And because I recognize that and I recognize that God has gifted me so many talents and a passion to do this and the skills and the capabilities to do this Yeah. To go and pinpoint and go back to where it started for me and to be able to help them avoid things that I eventually went through. So, obviously, you're gonna have to run through some walls, but you have the right mindset.
Speaker 4:You know? The walls will The walls are plywood, not concrete.
Speaker 5:Right. There we go.
Speaker 3:That's so good. Everything you're talking about just it reminds me of Proverbs 22:6, and I think this is where we'll leave everybody is with just this bible verse that I almost feel like sums up literally the whole episode. Proverbs 226 says, train up a child in the way he should go.
Speaker 4:He will never depart from it.
Speaker 3:Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. Right? It's this idea of, like, if we're investing into these kids on the front end when they're 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, all the way into high school, by the time they're 18, 19, especially when they're 40, 50, 60 Yeah. Right, they will not depart. And that's not a guarantee.
Speaker 3:I mean, everybody's their own agent. Right? And that's not the heart behind Proverbs. Proverbs is wisdom, not promises. Right?
Speaker 3:Facts. But it's this idea of, like, you will never regret pouring into your children or your mentee or whoever children you have influence over, you will never regret pouring into them if you're teaching them the right way they should go, the biblical way they should go Yeah. Because they will hold on to that in the future. Right? I know that's part of my story.
Speaker 3:It sounds like it's part of your story. Yeah. It's a huge part of my whole family's story. That's probably 4 episodes. But I just I love everything that you're saying there.
Speaker 3:You know, your why is because you want to invest in the next generation Yeah. And to build up a new generation of godly men who will then train up their generation or their next generation. It becomes this domino effect of spreading the kingdom. Yeah. It's so good.
Speaker 5:Yeah. It's good.
Speaker 3:Alright. Well, Taj, thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 6:Thank you
Speaker 3:for having me. You are a public speaker, which means you probably have some kind of business. Yeah. So if if a listener wants to reach out to you and, I don't know, schedule something to for you to come speak, how how would they do that?
Speaker 4:Yes. Go to my Instagram. That is one of the best ways to follow me. I post motivational videos all the time and poetry as well, and that is Tajuddin dot Spencer. It's my full name.
Speaker 4:I should've just put Taj dot Spencer. There's a lot of Taj's. There's a lot of Taj's. So Tajuddin dot Spencer. So that would be the best way.
Speaker 4:Reach out Reach out for everybody. If you wanna speak to your coach, like to speak to your your kids and you're a coach or go to
Speaker 6:your yeah.
Speaker 4:Football team, basketball team. Like like I just mentioned earlier, I was just invited to go see UNF and keynote their leadership summit over there. So wherever you are, if you have people who group of learners, who wanna learn how to become a better steward and maximize their potential as an individual and leader, then I'm that guy. I'm your guy. So yeah.
Speaker 3:Cool. Well, I'll definitely be linking all that in the show notes. We'll we'll connect and get
Speaker 5:Yeah. Gotcha.
Speaker 3:Your your Instagram, but also links to your books because I'm gonna
Speaker 6:go and love to
Speaker 3:check out some of that book.
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:But, yeah, we'll we'll link all that. Hey. We're gonna make you a best seller. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 3:We'll we'll link all that down in the show notes for you all so that you can just quickly hook over to connect with with Taj. And, yeah, listener, if you've made it this far, you know how this ends because it ends more, what, a 180 some odd episodes in. It ends the same way every single time. If you've missed everything else in this episode, remember this. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Have a great day. We'll see you.