Service Based Business Society Podcast

In this episode, Renata and Tiffany-Ann dive into the negative self-talk and the mindset shift required for entrepreneurs and business owners.

Show Notes

In this episode, Renata and Tiffany-Ann dive into the negative self-talk and the mindset shift required for entrepreneurs and business owners.  

Renata Constable’s story is one of coming face-to-face with the emotional abuse she received as a child and making the journey from fear and negative self-talk to the freedom of self-acceptance through power of empathy. Today, she is on a mission to help ambitious women break free from self-doubt and fear, and lead with authenticity, confidence, and joy. Her clients love her straight forward yet full of empathy approach leaving them with a sense of clarity and action steps that make their dreams feel closer than ever.
Renata is a Certified Empathy based Life and Business Coach, CliftonStrengths® Communicator, Dare To Lead® trained and Team Facilitator.

Renata has been a wife for the last 19 years, and a mom of three teenagers.  She believes every single one of us is created as a unique individual with a unique purpose for our lives.

Interested in working with Renata?  Waitlist for her online course - From Fear to Fierce. A four week journey from self-doubt to confidence - can be found

Resources Mentioned:

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Service Based Business Society Facebook Community

What is Service Based Business Society Podcast?

Attention entrepreneurs! Are you looking for ways to scale your service-based business without sacrificing your sleep? Look no further than The Service Based Business Society Podcast, hosted by Tiffany-Ann Bottcher.

Each week, Tiffany-Ann shares valuable insights on productivity, business strategies, marketing trends, and tech secrets that you need to know in order to take your business to the next level. She firmly believes that a successful service-based business must prioritize an amazing client experience and sustainable, predictable, repeatable profit, and she'll teach you how to do just that.

But that's not all - Tiffany-Ann also invites expert guests to share their knowledge and experience with you, providing even more valuable insights on service-based business growth and sustainability. You won't want to miss a single episode!

If you're looking to create, grow, and optimize your service-based business, The Service Based Business Society Podcast is the perfect resource for you.

And don't forget to join the community on Facebook by searching for "Service Based Business Society."

Focused on helping entrepreneurs cultivate the right mindset for success in their businesses. Hosted by experts in the field, the podcast covers a range of topics related to mindset and business, including self-improvement, goal setting, visualization, and meditation. The podcast provides practical tools and strategies to help listeners develop a growth mindset, overcome limiting beliefs, and build confidence. Through inspiring interviews with successful entrepreneurs and thought leaders, the podcast shows that a positive and resilient mindset is key to achieving business success.

Dedicated to equipping business leaders with the knowledge and skills they need to lead with confidence, based on data-driven insights. Hosted by experts in business leadership, the podcast covers a range of topics related to data analysis and interpretation, strategic decision-making, and effective communication. It provides practical tools and strategies for interpreting complex data sets and using them to make informed business decisions that drive growth and success. Through engaging interviews with successful business leaders and industry experts, the podcast offers valuable insights and examples of how to use data to build strong teams and drive innovation.

A great resource for aspiring entrepreneurs looking to learn from the experiences of successful business owners. Through relatable and engaging entrepreneurship stories, the podcast provides valuable insights into the challenges and opportunities that come with starting and running a business. Hosted by experienced entrepreneurs, the podcast covers a range of topics related to entrepreneurship, including idea generation, product development, marketing, and fundraising. Each episode features inspiring interviews with successful entrepreneurs, who share their personal stories and provide practical advice and tips for those looking to start and grow their own businesses.

As businesses continue to evolve, it's essential for entrepreneurs and business owners to stay informed about the latest trends and best practices in marketing, bookkeeping, technology, and innovation. The podcast is a valuable resource for anyone looking to keep up with these changes and stay ahead of the competition.

Whether you are just starting out or looking to take your business to the next level, this podcast is a great source of inspiration and guidance from real-world examples of entrepreneurship success.

Brought to you by Bottcher Business Management Agency

Season: 1
Episode: 8
Title: Do It Afraid

Hello and welcome to the service based business society podcast. I'm your host Tiffany-Ann Bottcher. At our weekly episodes, we will dig into everything you need to know about scaling your service based business without losing sleep. With my experience in creating over seven figures per month, and a passion for marketing, finance and automation, this show will provide tangible tips and techniques for scaling your business. Let's get started.

Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of the service based business society podcast. Today we have a very special guest and one that I truly enjoy connecting with talking about things that I didn't necessarily even understand the power of until we got to talking. So today we're going to be chatting with Renata Constable. And her story is one of coming face to face is the emotional abuse she received as a child and making the journey from fear and negative self talk to the freedom of self acceptance through power of empathy. Now, we've talked about negative self talk here on the podcast a few times. If you're not, it really brings a perspective that I cannot wait to share with you.

Today, she's on a mission to help ambitious women break free from self doubt and fear and lead with authenticity, competence, and joy. Or clients love her straightforward yet full of empathy approach, leaving them with a sense of clarity, and action steps that make their dreams feel closer than ever. Renata is certified empathy based life and business coach. She is a Clifton Strengths communicator, dare to lead train and team facilitator. She has been awake for the last 19 years. And a mom of three teenagers, she believes every single one of us is created as a unique individual with a unique purpose. Guys, I cannot wait to share this discussion with you. And I welcome you to connect in the group after and ask some questions to get the conversation going around this topic. Because negative self talk really affects everyone of all ages of all backgrounds at one point or another. And if someone tells you that they have never had negative self talk, they're lying.

It's that moment of am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing this? Do I really know what I'm doing? Oh, no people are going to see through, they're going to see that I don't really know what I'm talking about. Because no matter what, no matter how confident we are in certain parts, no one is confident in all of the parts. And so working through some of these pieces, and really looking at fear straight on can offer an entirely different perspective. So welcome to the show Renata.

I'm super excited to dive into the topic of fear and utilize it for positive instead of negative. So tell me a little bit about yourself and kind of what you are offering in terms of fear. Tell me about your business.

Hi, Tiffany. Well, thanks. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me and for being here and for being open and willing to open the conversation of you know, fear being our an ally, not in our friend, not our enemy. For the past five years, I have worked with, you know, women minds, freshmen transitioning into their first jobs. And those women who have had their jobs for a long time and now they're transitioning to their own businesses. And they are realizing while you know, I want to work for myself, I want to add value to this world and I want to do something that has heart and soul and, and I want to share with the world my experience. And, my story is similar. I for 15-20 years, I worked in the corporate world and up until my 30s I actually didn't realize how much of my personal trauma baggage I carried from my childhood and adolescent years. And it was during that transition from you know, corporates to nonprofit and doing work with women, mentoring, coaching, helping developing leaders building teams. Up until then I didn't realize how much fear or my anger are holding me back and they're actually I am treating them as something is wrong with me. Everybody else seems to have it all figured out.

They're also confident. Why am I running into the same walls? And I see that in my clients I started in my own life and so at some point I realized, okay, there has to be some secrets to it. But when I started digging into secrets of confidence, I realized that, you know, confident people are afraid as well. Let's count for that. No, you know, confident people are not afraid. That's a myth that everybody gets afraid of. Because just, you know, fear is private, it's there to actually help us and protect us. Right. That's, that's how it served at the beginning. So this is, this is what happened. That's why That's what I've been doing for the past five years.

It's such an interesting topic. And it actually really resonated for me, the confident people and feeling fear. In my first three years of my undergraduate degree, I did a communications minor, and one of the courses that we did was all public speaking. And so each student would go, and each week, they would go and run the class. So they would come up with the agenda and the topics, and they would have all these presenters and, and I remember, and it was all videoed, and then you had to watch the video back and critique yourself. And so my professor said, Oh, you look so confident. You look, you know, you're not nervous at all. And I'm looking at the video and I thought, I don't look nervous. But Oh, my gosh, the insides were gnarly. And I was like, Okay, so there was like this thing of like, the insides are not matching the outside. Because he was like, Oh, see how confident Tiffany-Ann is? And I was like, Oh, wow. I mean, fake it till you make it? I guess because I, the inside is telling you, I am nervous. Yes.

Yeah, this, this happens all the time. I mean, this is what a lot and sound for, you know, for some women, watching others watching other women, the big influences, you know, Michelle, Obama, Beyonce, all the big names, were like, oh, man, they have figured it out. They're so confident. But then they're also our co workers, those people who work with our, you know, our friends, that just seemed to have that air of confidence around them. Really, as you're saying, right, you'll look confident, but everything in here was just shaking, you just figured out the way to move with that fear and to dance with that fear. And some people have it naturally. And there are times when it's easier. And there are times when it's harder. I think maybe when the stakes are higher, we get a little more paralyzed. Or maybe when we get older, and we realize oh, man, this is bigger than I thought it is.

But there are times when we give when we give in to that fear. And you know, one of my favorite sayings is do it a friend? Well, because technically, there is no other way to do it. You know? How do you build your confidence? Doing exactly the thing that you are afraid of? Yeah, so if you didn't do exactly the thing that you were afraid of, you need to do it afraid. So I remember I posted on my personal profile on Facebook, this picture of moving out of my comfort zone, and there's this great comfort zone where it's safe and predictable, uncertain. And then there is a little darker fears of self doubt, negative self talk judgment, self judgment and fear, the mucky middle, where we need to move through to get to the growth, where we all want to be right the zone where we actually defining our own terms of how we live and how are we going to run our business? And how are we going to show up in those new roles and in the new in the workplaces? And my friend commented, as she pushed back on that post so much, she said the coaching gurus need to stop telling people to get out of their comfort zone, because it actually is the hard part of harming people. And I paused and I was like okay, what's going on here, right? Because normally everybody wants everybody to talks like that's where magic happens. That's where adventure happens when you get out of your comfort zone.

That's where miracles happen. But I was like okay for some people it's a very uncomfortable conversation. But what's why is that and I have realized I so I went and googled like what you know, this fear and the terms that you find for fear for you know, are to deal with fear are to fight your fear or to deny your fear or to destroy your fear. Those are pretty combative statements. But when you are moving out of your comfort zone and you're afraid you are your system, your nervous system is flooded by the stress hormone cortisol. So you're already pretty stressed out. So everything in you tenses up, because what your body's getting ready for, to fight, flight or freeze. Because what it's trying to do, your brain is doing its job.

You're getting out of safety, it's a dangerous world out there, the only difference and says right now we don't have to be afraid of dinosaurs. And we don't have to be a wild animal coming and getting our arms out.

Right now all these fears are our internal unless you're, you know, you're coming back home in the middle of the night and you're in the shady alley of between the dark buildings and you see some guy creeping in the back, well, maybe that's it's good time to turn around and walk away. But in normal circumstances, those fears are internalized. It's your brain trying to tell you it's not safe, stay safe, play it small, don't, don't don't do anything crazy, don't do new things. So this is the moment when some women, not just women, pull back and they give in to that fear. And what do they do? They close in, because they want that nervous system to kind of disarm itself. But there is a better way to do it. And it's not combative. It's not to deny it, it's not to pretend to fake it till you make it.

It's all good for your pep talk right before public speaking, when you get on, you know, you look in the stand in front of your mirror, put that makeup on, and you go, you got this girl, and it works for that pep talk, but to build grounded confidence, that one that every time you can fall back and say, Okay, that's my experience. I've been here before. I've done new things as I've grown. I've made risky decisions, I took risks, I made new connections. And you can draw on these experiences to do them again, in a new context. But the better way to move through fear is actually through self compassion. It's actually to meet yourself and recognize, oh, okay, there is a part of me that's afraid. But that part of me is not afraid because it's trying to destroy my growth. It's actually trying to protect me. So how about, I recognize it and say, Thank you for showing up. Of course, you're afraid, of course, you're afraid we're about to go live on the podcast, of course, you are afraid because you're about to go live on your Facebook group, or you're about for the first time to put that crazy Tiktok out there or your for the first time you're going to be speaking in public or you're going to be facilitating a group of women. Or maybe you're going to be doing, you know, the TED Talk. So of course, you're afraid. And instead of going, you know, pretending and nine, you keep flooding your system with more stress. If you try to deny it, you're stressed and that you're scared. I keep saying that. It's like trying to extinguish the fire by pouring more gasoline on it. So instead of trying to fight, right, to fear, though, okay.

I am afraid. Okay, everybody gets afraid. What do I need right now? I can take a deep breath. What can I be thankful for at this moment? Oh, I have a new opportunity. If I'm afraid that means I'm growing. That means I'm learning, that means I am doing what I am expanding. You know, I am. Honestly, I'm becoming bigger. So then with fear when you realize that instead of closing in and becoming smaller, because that's what fear is trying to do keep you small, so that others won't judge nobody. You know what this person is gonna think you're stupid. Okay, maybe. But let's just do it. You're afraid. Let's just go. I remember I had this client back in December. She was trying to launch a printer. And for a while she was, you know, trying to get her business going. And she finally called me and we met and she's like, You know what, I need your help. I'm tired of sitting on my hands and doing nothing. So one, you know, conversation, one question led to another and we established that she's absolutely horrified by the media. She's afraid to put herself out there to start showing up, to be visible, to start posting on social media, to reach out to people to tell people about even what she does. And so I asked her about what this fear looks like?

And she drew this picture for me of her office. And then there's this big scary demon sitting at a desk. And I asked her a question, well, what do you think that demon needs? Oh, I never thought that I actually might need something. So, you know, and of course of our five, yeah, I think we've met for five or six weeks.

She turns out that she started taking that demon out for walks. She started going with that demon, you know, started listening to this fear saying, okay, what can you learn from that fear? What is it trying to tell you? And it transitioned. And she said that at the end, she was ready to start building her business from a place of love, rather than fear. Because she recognized that oh, my gosh, it's part of me. Because a lot of times when we start fighting our own emotions, that's true, not just about fear. That's true about anxiety. That's true about our anger. That's true without all these emotions where we are uncomfortable. It's true with our inner critic. What is like, Oh, you shut up, you just don't talk. Stop talking. Okay? What if it doesn't want something from you? What if it does want something for you? And when we start being attentive to those parts, we actually embrace and integrate ourselves. Because if we find these parts, we ultimately are finding ourselves. That was my discovery.

I mean, most of my personal story is coming face to face with a childhood emotional abuse. And for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. That you know, I am too angry, too afraid. It was always something about me.

Yes, too

And it was until I realized, Oh, wait. That's just part of me. Why am I fighting me? So yeah, so that's that was, that was always fun for me to see my clients going through that switch. When I was like, Oh, actually, that's something.

I find transformation. Transformation is such a powerful thing to witness. It's, it's when you're, whether it's someone going from kind of that introverted, shy, holding back, and, and then saying no, and I'm showing up for my business, I can do that while still being introverted, while still being shy, but, but that transformation of no I, I deserved, for my message to be heard, I want my business to run. And ultimately, you know, it's if you have a message to share with the world, whether you're shy, whether you don't want to be on camera, all of these things, if you want to share it, you it's this transition of okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna step out and share my message with the world. That's fantastic. That transformation piece for me is, it really fills my cup, if you will, being a part of business and people personal development transformation I just loved. I love it. I love it so much.

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So you were talking about, you know, this, this personal transformation of your own and knowing that you had this, this trauma that you needed to work through, and now you're helping coach others, what part of your life did you realize you wanted to be different? At what part did you say, Hey, this is a problem. And I, I want to change the outcome.

See, for me, the biggest transformation happened for personal reasons. I was already in my 30s. And I had my children, they were very, very young. And I had three beautiful kids, I had a loving husband. And I have realized that I started repeating in my life, some of the behaviors that I was raised with by you know, things that my mom did, or my grandmother did, in terms of being very verbally abusive, being passive aggressive, being angry. And so my main first reason was, I don't want to do this to my children. I don't want to be that mom who's always angry or who is always who's never clear about her expectations, who is always expecting that others will guess my mind and guess my thoughts and what I want and then I realized that the same things that are kind of all what's the good word here, are making me toxic at home, are making me toxic in my relationships at work.
My husband and I lead an international startup project in Warsaw, Poland. And we were recruiting and developing leaders, we were building people up, I was coaching and mentoring women, right. And there was still this stuff inside me, that was where I could see the jealousy being there, or the bitterness being there, or I was easily found. And I realized the same things that I didn't want for my children, I finally wanted them to be gone from my life as in, I wanted to understand what the heck is going on. Because before I was, you know, I was an advertising and PR, and I was doing really well. And I had these good executive jobs and, but it was always high intensity, always fast. That was one of the things I've realized that I was moving super fast in my life, just so that I can quickly move past a lot of uncomfortable conversations and a lot of uncomfortable encounters at work. So it started as a mother, but then I realized that it is a toxic behavior. I'm pushing them down, but I am not resolving them. So they were, I wasn't able to really meet people from a place of self acceptance, because I was rejecting myself, therefore, I was super judgmental of others. I wasn't in a place of integrated life with you know, thoughts, feelings, actions, those were not always matched up by feelings, my actions would be all you know, I'm all there for you and with you, but my thoughts, and my feelings were not lining up. So I knew it wasn't aligned.

And that's kind of bugging me, that started bugging me so and then I really thought I was covering it up really well. And then there was this friend, this new person I've met. And he showed up a few times to our different events, and we became friends. And at some point, he came up to me and he said, You know, I noticed therapists who help people with problems like yours, and I was like, what problems do I have? So I thought I was doing such a good job covering it up. But it wasn't a good job, obviously, the world.

So my first reaction was as everybody's first reactions, like, I pushed back.

But then I took three good breaths, and I realized, you know what, if I want different results, maybe it's time to try a new path, stop repeating the same mistakes, stop running into the same walls, because it seems like I've done everything I read all the self help books, I listened to all the audiobooks that I was supposed to listen to, then all the work, you know, all the things that I was supposed to do, trying to build new habits, but really what I was doing, I was fighting the old and I was fighting my all these emotions, and all these feelings and my old self, rather than focusing on what's in front of me and building a new on grounded, you know, sort of unsub steady ground. So, yeah, so I went to the therapist, and then I started working with a coach. And that's when I started working with the coach, everything moved forward, and that she was very strong on empathy. One of the things that I used with my clients is nonviolent communication, which basically, in a nutshell, is the principle that there are no bad or good feelings, they're just feelings. You're just, you know, they're here, they move through us, we don't have to get hijacked by them and that made a huge difference in my life. But I'm also seeing it makes a difference in other people's lives. And when I started unpacking all these things, as you can probably imagine a lot of stories of people who overcome trauma, it's very similar. At first it's very uncomfortable. So you find it so you don't want to do it. But then it is when you let go when you stop doing this, but you actually open up and you meet yourself with empathy and that self compassion. And with you know, with gratitude, you start changing your story. You stop being a victim of your story, you becoming a hero of your story, and you're allowing all these old things to actually fall away and they become a rubble and in that Rubble, you start finding your strength and your skills and your experiences and that's where you can be grateful for everything you've experienced. Because everything that I've experienced led me to be who I am today, and appreciate a lot of things that I can do with women who have experienced trauma, and refuse to do things, refuse to ask for help and live in the hole, I can do it all alone. That's one of the, you know, myths of being a successful entrepreneur, right? I can do it alone. You can't. Let's be honest.

You know, it's interesting, because people I often hear from, so, you know, on the off time of the podcast, and all the things we have going on here, I do full service, business management. And so we do things like social media, and marketing, and all these types of things. And so for an entrepreneur, you know, we often see those who have been really talented or really passionate, those are the two, you know, and they've started a business based on their talent or their passion, none of which usually is like social media marketing, or, you know, writing blogs, necessarily, or building web pages or setting up all of these things. And it's like, okay, well, you know, I, I need to learn, First, I need to grow my business, I need to learn all of these skills, I need to do all of these things. And then when I'm ready, then I can, then I can teach someone else. Yes. And it's such a, you know, a reverse concept. Because ultimately, I truly believe that you need to know enough that you can have a knowledgeable conversation with someone. But I don't think that an entrepreneur needs to learn all of these skills, they don't need to learn all of the things because sometimes you have to do something once or twice. And so taking all this time, and it taking 10 times as long because someone's like, No, I'll do it myself, I'll figure it out. And it's like, you're spinning your tires, you're pushing off, actually being able to deliver on your passion or deliver on your talent. And so unless you know, social media is such a big one, because it has become a huge part of everything. The expectation for our business is to be everywhere. I follow all this content. And it's you know, it's like you're not a social media influencer, that's not what you signed up for. But you do want your business to do well. And so you're doing all these things. But the end result of that I'll do it all myself is actually you're stunting the growth of your business, you know, calling in asking for the appropriate help.

Yes, it all comes from a good place. It comes from, you know, I'll figure it out. I'm resourceful. I'm passionate, and I am, you know, guilty of it myself. And now I can figure this out. And sometimes, but sometimes it's like, hang on, hang on, what? What could you be doing with that time? What other opportunity? Could you be realizing? And so, you know, asking for help? I don't? It's not something that comes naturally to a lot of people, I would say the majority of those that I speak to anyways, are more of the No, no, I'll figure it out. I'm resourceful. I got this. And that's good. It is good. But at times, you have to know when, when asking for help is the right thing to do. And it's not a net?

Yes. See, Brene Brown talks about it in her in dare to lead when, of course, it's a leadership book, but a lot of principles from there can be applied in that mean, enter being intrapreneur, you are a leader, you are an influencer, right. So I can go in alone. It's one of the myths of vulnerability. Because this is the place where you need to step in and say, Okay, I don't know this.

And what usually happens, usually our inner critic fires up. What do you mean, you don't know this? Of course, you don't know, you know, you're stupid. You can do this. So we're trying by doing everything. And I don't have any, you know, scientific proof with that. But to a large extent, my gut guess is that when we're trying to learn all these things, and trying to do it all alone, we're trying to prove to our inner critic that we have what it takes to succeed. And when we're asking for help, that means winning.

Yes, I think it also it comes a little bit from you know, I know if I think back to my own corporate journey, and you know, there's not that many seats at the table to kind of steal Sheryl Sandberg message there's not that many into rather than showing weakness, you're like No, I got this I deserve the spot. And so it's that you don't want to show vulnerability. You don't want to show the weakness you want, you want the spot. And so it really has evolved to a lack of community, a lack of the right people doing the right things. And, and so, one of the pieces and when I made the transition from corporate to entrepreneur and one of the reasons that kind of started the podcast is that I love connecting with people who are passionate, who are the experts in their field, and having conversations just like this and digging into, you know, all of these pieces that aren't necessarily, you know, specific to my skill set, knowing what their skill set and their passions, and these are the conversations that I just, it's, it's so nice to connect with really intelligent, passionate people.

You know, Tiffany and I really agree with you, if, if we stop living closed, but start living, you know, sort of self expanding way we can learn from others. Because a lot of times we come into these meetings thinking that I don't even know if we have these, these thoughts in our heads that you need. We need to always be super perfect and have all the information and have all the knowledge, otherwise, nobody's going to pay attention to us. But the more we are open up and the more we lean into actually listening to what others have to say, the more we can start appreciating the fact that oh, so she's an expert in this, and I'm expert in this, how can we do this together? How can we benefit each other? Is it not a petition? You know, nobody hasn't 100% as an were, you know, our strengths are different. I mean, one of the things I do is working with Gallup strengths, and there's a reason why, you know, they're all mixed up, and they're different. We're not cookie cutters, we are all unique in our, in our talents and our skills and our experiences, you know, in where we grew up, and our characters personalities, and only when we start, you know, kind of blending it together, learn working with each other, learning from each other, we're actually growing. And, and, you know, we start living this almost self transcendent way. But you know, there's three emotions that actually help us with that. And that one of them is all, and it's, it's, it's compassion, it's gratitude. And the third one is all in sometimes that curiosity, think curious about the other person. And what they're bringing to the table. gives us that even moment of just just fully relaxing, realizing, Oh, wait, I can just sit and listen. I don't have to always be on my toes. But this is that fear telling us in our heads that we're not good enough that we're, you know, if you don't know this, then you don't deserve that seat at the table. If you're not doing it all, and you're not doing it all alone.

That was huge for me. And learning from some of the vulnerability stuff with Brene Brown that doing it alone, is a myth of vulnerability. And b It's actually one of the signs of trauma that you experience. Because what do you traumatize people usually learn that they're on their own, that they have nobody that they can rely on, that they can trust. So there comes a trust issue, for me to do it all alone, because asking for help is a weakness was actually a message I received from my grandmother. But that message made sense for her. She grew up in communist Poland, First Second World War, then communist Poland, she couldn't trust anybody. She had to, you know, trust herself with just the closest family. And you don't ask others for help, because they're going to mess you up. They're going to take advantage of you. But that story made sense for her.

It's a different story now for me, right? So some of the stuff that we're saying in our heads are a result of the stories we're telling ourselves, things that yeah, yes, absolutely.

I think it comes down to you taking the stories and deciding what you want them to be. To me, the story itself doesn't dictate what happens next. It's taking that and, and, you know, I'm, I'm kind of that analytical brain. And I always think it's the same thing to me, as, you know, you have a bunch of data, and it's a bunch of numbers and all of these things. But that doesn't act like it's actually taking the numbers and the data and digesting them and deciding and analyzing what does it mean, what does that mean? What does that change for the future? And it's the same thing with our stories and our past and deciding what, what happens next, taking that and learning

It's the same thing with fear. Oh, wait, I'm afraid. Of course. I'm afraid. It's now not letting it Yes, run you rather you're allowing that emotion to go through you. And going, Oh, of course, I'm doing something new. Yeah, it's natural. I'm a human. Therefore I am afraid. Because I am what I'm growing, seeing fear is something that is here to protect you. And because it's protecting you, it has your best interests in mind. So if you can actually stop for that moment and go, Oh, yeah, it makes sense. What can I be thankful for at this moment? What can I learn from that fear, I can be thankful I'm growing, I'm learning you think I'm going to be on podcasts, I'm going to be on that Doc, I'm gonna, you know, publish my first book, I'm gonna publish my first article on LinkedIn, whatever it is.

It suggests, if you're afraid it suggests you're growing, you're expanding your comfort zone. And that's something good, something to be thankful for, you know, and taking that deep breath of saying, oh, okay, yeah. And then taking time to kind of, you know, reflect like, what why am I? What am I afraid of? What am I really afraid of here?

You know, one of the things it makes me think back to almost leaving, leaving school, really, and I was so shy. There were times where people would speak to me, and I would remember, and I would freeze, and they would look at me, like, are you going to reply? And I'm like, I can't speak. I really can't speak. And so, you know, I, I ended up the one of the first things I did after school was I was a nanny. And so I was working with children, and I absolutely loved it. But I wasn't able to do that and go back to university. So I made the transition. I said, well, I need to work at night, so I can go to school during the day. And what am I going to do? And so I thought, Well, I think I can. I think I can be a server. I can do this. But I thought, oh boy, I'm really shy. But I also thought, you know, what, if it's a job in that, in your mindset, you know, if you have a job to do, it's a little bit different. And so I thought, Well, I'm gonna have to walk up to people and ask them if they want something, because that's the expectation.

And so I ended up getting this job at this scuzzy bar, about two towns over from me. And then I had no experience that I started on a Friday night at 10 o'clock. And it was, it was like, Okay, I was, I honestly, I remember sitting in my car thinking I didn't even want to go in. I didn't want to go in I don't know, I This is terrible. But I went in. And I remember, there were a couple of the other servers who did not want to talk to me. They clearly were like a little clique. And I was like, Oh, what am I doing here? This is crazy. Why am I here? Why am I pretending that I am somebody I'm not? But I kept going. And I ended up making some amazing friends there.

I worked there for a year and a half, made all sorts of great money and went to school and did all of the other things. But I, I reflect back and I think that moment of deciding No, I am going to keep going. Even though let me tell you, I would have rather done just about anything else. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. But that moment of continuing and saying no, I'm going to do it. And ultimately, I mean, had I never done something like that. Would I be here? Would I be podcasting? Would I be, you know, doing Facebook Lives and all these things? I don't. I don't know, at one point, I had to take that leap from super shy and unable to speak to, right, I'm doing anyway. And so this is beautiful.

That's an amazing story. Yeah, but it's funny when you were talking about it, I was thinking about what you also said before about the fact that you have an analytical mind. And then you have all the numbers as data, and it's just all it's just basically data. I was thinking, you know, feelings, our feelings are the data for our heart.

That is also data. Hmm, yes. So yeah, we can try you know, we can treat it as data. It's like, oh, I'm feeling angry now. What's going on? Right? Oh, I am happy now what happened with that because it works both ways. Right? We do analyze only the good that the feelings that make us feel uncomfortable but the truth is all the positive feelings are the ones that you know suggest that our needs are met. Something big happened, right? Something that you can celebrate happened, something that you can be proud of. So this is data for us as well. And if we are as Brene Brown says, you know, fee of feeling machines that think that's very valuable data right there.

Yes. Wow, I'm just dropping values here today. That is such a crazy thought. When you say it like that. It's like Yes, that makes so much sense. Oh my gosh, yes. Okay, where can people connect with you? If they are wanting more, wanting more of this messaging? Where can they?

Well, I am, I'm present on all the three basic social media, I am on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. The best way to connect with me is through those I have my professional fanpage page on Facebook. And obviously Instagram is also personal. It's not a personal profile. It's a business profile. So it's open, it's all run out to another constable. It's yeah, I will, you probably will be posting some links.
Yes, I'll add the link.

Yeah, I do have a YouTube channel. But I'm full disclosure right now. I actually hit brakes on a YouTube channel about a month ago. And I want to take a different direction. So if you go there, and you see that nothing has been posted for a while, it's a good reason behind it, I actually am honestly figuring out the voice I want to have on YouTube. And I am learning how to edit things. And I want to add more stuff to it, rather than just being a talking head. So there is stuff there already about emotions and about empathy, self empathy, and there is stuff about redoing our stories, with actual practical, you know, advice as in grabbing colorful Sharpies and having on a, on a piece of paper, old stories, what are the new stories that I'm doing the old data, the new data? And? And yeah, those are, those are the best ways to find me.

That's fantastic. So let's leave with one tangible tip someone can implement today that will see an effect on their life tomorrow.

Well, for me, it's always that one breath. So I'm and I recently went through a super intense business training, where there was a lot of fear and discomfort and I was pushed and pulled. And I was kicking and screaming, doing things I did not want to do. But for the first three weeks of the course I was doing it ignoring all these symptoms. And I forgot to breathe. And then in the second part of that course, I remembered to breathe as in, when I hit the wall I'm afraid I don't want to do it. I'm never doing it again, I want to give up and I'm throwing in my gloves.

That's when I decided to do some self compassion. And it always starts with one breath. Because remember, when you are feeling afraid, it's your sick natural systems response and what is flooding you and telling you to get out of here. Or pretend you're not here or freeze or fight. So what you want to do is take out the dirt and say okay, I am afraid to receive the data. And then later on you can reflect on it. What am I afraid of? What do I actually need to move on? And how can I get that resource?

You start with the breath that you know three breaths it could be what is it? Three as smelling roses? That's the you're in and exhale by what do you call it with the candles on the oh my gosh the candles on a birthday cake. What's the word? Yeah, but what do you blog about? Yeah, you smell causes and you're blowing out the candles. Or my favorite is smelling it as you know throwing squares. You breathe in on for you hold it for you breathe out and for and you let it go on for but breathing seriously, whatever a stressful moment. The first door to freedom to that self compassion to that gratitude is always breath. And that's easy. You can do it. Anyway,

Thank you so much that yes, anywhere anytime. When that fear of discomfort hits you, you don't. I love to smell the roses and blow out the candles. What a great analogy. Thank you so much. So many valuable points here. I cannot wait to share

Thank you Tiffany and for the invitation. It was fun. I love the data analogy. I'm taking that out with me.

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