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Unbound is a weekly podcast, created to help you achieve more as a leader. Join Chris DuBois as he shares his growth journey and interviews others on their path to becoming unbound. Delivered weekly on Thursdays.
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Today, learn how to optimize your communication to improve your relationships. Are you a leader trying to get more from your business in life? Me too. So join me as I document the conversations, stories and advice to help you achieve what matters in your life. Welcome to unbound with me, Chris DuBois.
Andre Parodi has spent a lifetime teaching and learning from dance to language. And now in his big calling phase as both a Certified Life and NLP coach. Through his company project Equinox, he is teaching relationship dynamics, how to better understand each other and the expectations that are held. Andre is also an educator on effective communication, you cooked his clients with the tools to bring permanent improvement to their relationships. And today, we will explore how those dynamics affect the relationship of a leader and their team. Andre welcome Ron, back.
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Good morning. Thank you. Happy to be here.
1:01
Yeah. So as always, we're going to jump in with your origin story and see where that takes us.
1:08
Okay, how far back you want to go. Because my story has three folds. The giant gets
1:13
over fold is the most interesting starting point. Okay.
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Well, I think ABC though they all live together. So all right, was there any quick nutshell born French Canadian, in my in Quebec City in a snowbank because that's what it felt like. Number four kid out of five. And at the age of five had a revolution. Like bringing my thoughts and my feelings together. You know, before that you have feelings, you can't explain your feelings. Kids just react and feel that anyway. So five, when I put the two together, I have enough logic and brains to do this. I realize this is stupid and crazy. But I realized I was born in my family. So there was a big mistake somewhere. I don't know how I'm a kid. But these people are not my people. I don't belong here. They don't like me. I don't, I don't fit in. I'm just an oddity. So I was really weird. And it was really scary at five because I realized I was on my own. And I was gonna pretty much have to take care of myself, period. So as scary as it was, it was actually kind of there's an automatic kind of reflex to like, step up, right? Pay attention, sort of see how it's gonna go. So my internal radar, which is interesting is as opposed to be able to be a kid, I became sort of like, my radar turned outwards and became very vigilant as watching the world. And everybody around it first explained my circumstances, like how is that possible? How can you be born on family? Like, how weird is that? Like, what happened here? So that was sort of like quite so I'm watching the world. I'm watching people and watching my family. And when I became a watcher would be the kid in the corner, just watching everyone trying to make sense of it all. And then that got me fascinated with the human condition. Like, some of the guys at the school that I thought were really cool that I wanted to be like, like, how do you have to be cool like this? How do you get to have swag? You know, how do you like, then. And then for me, the more different the person was, the more curious I was. So I observed the world as observed people and in that x sort of develop some kind of it was more than an instinct kind of an ability to connect them and the ability to feel them at a distance, which is interesting, like, the focus of it be able to tap into their essence and their energy. And anyway, so that was sort of how it started out. And I have my my awareness of people and fascination with the human condition. So as I develop as I grew, I went to a fancy private, high school. That's one thing my dad provided very well. And they ended up in a ballroom class for PE that a cute little girl said, please bear with me because we need to be a couple and I didn't know she even knew existed in the surprise. I'm about to turn 16 years old or so. And I remember the first class that we took with this cute little thing in my arms looking to my right at the teacher like everything that he showed that requires never been in class in my life. Everything you did, I could just copy you just like instantly copy. Which is interesting, because I didn't know I had that. So that was a gift. I don't know where it came from. But like because so in a moment, within about four months, I went from invisible geek to star. That was the start of the class. Like girls want to dance with me because the guys would pick it up. They didn't know how they were overthinking it, blah, blah, blah. I became the teacher's assistant and we started performing in school and outside of school and so from zero to 60 You know, that kind of open the channel I remember when that first class sort of feeling alive, and I think a smile So my life it just, it just lifted my spirit I was a sad little kid there was, you know, out of sorts. And so that kind of experience and guess what? That's the only the only thing I wanted to do, or that's all I wanted to do, right and the dance more than dance one dance for my parents like what are you doing? What is this was taken take you that's crazy that's not alive. I'm like And so long story short, I took it all the way from Quebec City to Los Angeles and I managed to work my way, my way to the top and dance with Michael Jackson dance with Prince dance with Paula Abdul for two years. And so you name it as this and made a living at dancing. There you go mom and dad, like they get your face now it's funny because they went from shaking their heads going, you're just gonna be miserable loser your whole life, this is gonna take you anywhere. And on the other side of Michael Jackson, they take credit for, you know, I think he holds you know, I think he gets that from me. He's got that talent in my head on my side of the family. Really. Anyway. So the story for that was fascinating. That was amazing. That was a hell of a life that was exciting. In the business of dancing in Los Angeles, there's, you perform, and you teach and you perform and he teach you before you add a talent you come back at the class, you fill up your class because he just finished and so Michael Jackson, right, like so. That's that's the filler of between the gigs you teach you make money that way. My wife walked into my class one day. That was it. In two and a half minutes, this was my woman. This was my girl. This is my baby. Don't ask me how delighted to be decade it was beyond both of us there was above us. I can't say that was like my soulmate. That's not it, that I recognized this. And I don't know, it was just this is my wife. So that was three years ago. Still my wife. Still my baby, still my angel. So at one point, she's a ballerina. So that's why she was in my class. She was coming from Virginia, to get LA style, blah, blah. Within a few years, we decided to start a family. I wanted children and then my children and my dreams, actually, I knew they were coming. And so I quit the road, I call my agent and said, well, so I'm not traveling anymore. So unless the work is in Los Angeles, you know, don't even bother sending me the audition. 30 movies just like Are you crazy, like, you don't understand that most of you as I go, I don't. I'm starting a family. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying in town, I'm not gonna be the absent Dad, I'm not gonna be in Europe, my kids are a year old two year old three, I'm not, I'm not doing that I want to be in their lives. Like my dad, of course, pushing away from what I do. And I missed. So I opened a car business in Los Angeles, that was six minutes from my house, two blocks from the truth kids school. And so not only i But both me and my wife with every parade, every recital, every Christmas, whatever, like 10 o'clock in the morning or Tuesday, I'm in the audience and my wife, they were there for the kids all the way through. You know, we both picked him up from school as needed. And so that was, that was the way I wanted it. They created that way. Completely different life than traveling and dancing and like, grounded in fixing cars, which is another one of my passion, by the way, classic cars. So that kind of fit my addiction for old cars built into my business. And that worked for years and years and years. But I was always the personal development guy I did started started Personal Development at 23 years old, again, challenging myself trying to learn about me about world about life. But that's just my brain since my curiosity was an ending. I was in San Diego, San Jose, San Jose, California, which is Northern California here in a business workshop for three days. And that guy was trying to blow the seat and if the ceiling of my business I'd taken as far as I could with my knowledge, so I wanted more. So in that workshop, on the way flight back to Los Angeles, there was a couple that I met in a workshop that's sitting we're assuming the same row, which I thought was just random. Don't believe that anymore. Don't believe that in once. But then, you know, circumstances will seem coincidental. Anyway, the lady says to me, what do you do next weekend? I go I'm free this weekend while she goes you want to come to worship? It's on me. Right? Hell yeah. Because that's my brain for free on top because these can be expensive. And then at net I ask the questions Wait, what's the workshop after after agree. And she say oh, it's called understanding women. Okay, like, I have to understand without any arrogance because I have an artistic personality. And I think I thought that's what it was that I I've always attracted sweet women. Period. They That's why attracted and I attract the sweet women. So I never did the crazy stuff my friends did. The yelling, the screaming the none of that I just like. So I thought it was me that I do something which I can explain that but I can't now by the way, I don't know what that was. But I'm so I'm going to spend our weekend in a workshop ruin my weekend. I want to relax, to do a workshop on understanding. So I went backwards because I said it was gonna go and I keep my word I thought it was gonna be cute. Big hotel space by the airport walked in. Who wanted people in the space? Energy is an interesting and maybe this isn't going to be cute. Something going on. Workshop started.
10:50
And I can tell you is seven, maybe eight times during that workshop, I slipped completely off my chair, like on the floor, flabbergasted baffle. And I realized, because I realized I knew absolutely nothing about women at Natick, not a thing. And this is a man who spent his life around women, like, my dad's classes were with me and 45 Girls, like, I mean, like it was be 45 Girls, maybe two guys. I was soaked in the world of women, I think I don't know anything about the Russos, who it was flabbergasting and kind of scary because my, all my slipping my for the siblings in my family who is divorced twice, three times one for that. I mean, and I have my baby girl, my angel. We have to to the kids by then, like, by toddler and a baby. And I and that the thought that it could be a statistic because I just didn't know. You know what's going on with her. That scared the life out of me. So I came back from that workshop. She said, Why is this? It's a ghost because new is scared me. What I didn't know when I realized I didn't know was a liability for us. So Mr. Mr. Learn everyday kind of stepped right in and took all the workshops that the company offered. A minute later, I'm a worship leader for them because I'm a teacher. That's the That's how this ratio of coaching started. They started right from that moment, and then continued to continue. So after I was done with this company, I ended up sitting with Dr. John Gray, Mars and Venus Shaunti Feldhahn love and respect of the South to a lot of Bible frame around that it's interesting to me because I'd rejected all that. But now I'm back while Mr. Birrell is a French therapist in New York City, stuff like this, still to this day for 30 years in New York City as she but her work is about love and intimacy and why people cheat and why people stay with the sexual part of being in a long term relationship. And Dr. Pat Allen in Los Angeles, who's like a 44 year, you know, family, I mean shelter marriage therapist, which I trained one on one with three and a half years, and Louis passed on all the rights experience, directly like so I have a cocktail of five masters in the world of marriage, relationship, through anthropology, psychology, chemistry, better human behavior, and ultimately basic programming. So in that I could literally kind of I, that without any arrogance, I think I'm untouchable, as far as be able to explain and lead and help people with their dynamics with each other. Alicia, by the way, straight, gay, lesbian, all the same. It's not a it's not a it's not a like, classical, honestly setting. But there's a classic way for relationships to grow to come together to complement the two pieces to grow something fantastic. So that's how we got to be here. Beautiful. Sorry. I'm sorry.
14:00
All right. Yeah, well, and now we're here. So before I jump into some of the questions, actually thinking about this as part of your story. So it seems like you've intuitively right been able to be good at relationships, and be able to talk to people and then you kind of you found some gaps. And so you start working on those. But when you mentioned being in ballet class, looking at the teacher and being able to quickly emulate whatever move you needed to, I wonder how much of your kind of skills in relationships stem from being able to very easily model the person that you're engaged with. And so, you know, by just replicating those kind of the same movements, putting them at ease, and so you can actually start working on the relationships so
14:43
you say this, because now I am obviously a relationship coach and it by a whole my own workshops, and when we have live workshops, I actually use the metaphors of dancing ballroom dancing, put people in each other's arms, complete strangers, sometimes married couples. because how you dance literally, how you how, as a woman, if you can't be vulnerable with the man that's tried trying to lead you, you're not going anywhere. It's a very clunky difficult dance as a man, if you are a soft lead or not confident, don't know how and question yourself, she'll get frustrated, angry with you, because she wants you to lead her. But it's so like, there's, there's such a net. So I put people in each other's arms, and within three or four minutes, their entire way of, of being, like how they show up in relationship is right in their face is a complete mirror is fantastic. So I think what you're saying is, I kind of had an ease with that, for some reason where I could actually mirror and pick up the other side and actually make them at ease really quickly. And that's actually very accurate. Never thought of it that way.
15:52
Yeah, it was something I noticed, this exserted Nice school where like, you're all seated in your desks and stuff. I noticed if I would lean forward and just like put my hand, you know, my face under my chin, the person next to me would do it. And then you notice that someone else would do it, they didn't never look at you and see it. It's just like they're doing what other people around them are doing. So It like makes them feel more more comfortable.
16:12
It's so we call it report, right? Thank you. Somebody said before because they've been around you. And he's uncomfortable, and they're following you, you need to share the conversation. And it's very interesting.
16:26
Right? It's fun to do at conferences. But I had put a hand in your pocket while everybody standing around talking and see what everyone else does.
16:35
I love that stuff that we do. Because I'm one of those guys watching people. Right?
16:41
Yeah. Okay, so I want to get into some questions now. In the, in the pre interview, we started talking about, like the words you you're using, right, the way you're describing things, even whether it's just in your head or externally, and how those compare to the results that you're getting. So I'd love to go deeper on just how language changes some of our results, especially when we're talking relationships. And
17:06
it applies to everything, you know, puberty, depending with your focus in life is but I do this my clients, especially the ladies, but the man as well, but it's a different density. But but you know, we forget the quantum energy of our words, we think we're just words is just words that we forget the power of, of the words. So, you know, with my ladies, I go, you understand that I want you to watch the thoughts and the words in your head because what goes on in here is your self talk becomes the way you talk about yourself. Or the way you talk about the view view of life, which becomes the things that you program and, and sort of whatever you focus on expands. So if you have bad thoughts, you talk about it badly, you create a bad external where it becomes a destiny, right? So it's super, super, super powerful. To think that as a man right now me talking to you, I could disrespect you make you piss off and hang the phone up. Right? Oh, I can make you laugh. Like it make him cry. Right, I could like make you stop and think and go into deep like this, like just talking. Right? Like it's incredibly powerful. So a lot of people not fully understanding this wolf. If life kicks you in the butt, if you had a poor childhood, if you had low self esteem, if you don't feel worthy of anything good. The voice in your head is constantly talking. You will repeat these things, either out loud or to yourself. They'll create your reality, anything the worlds do unto you, as ultimately you are doing it. So watch what you think. It becomes what you say it becomes what you do, what you believe what you're attracting what you're making more of, and it becomes your life. So watch what you say and watch what you thought it's incredibly dangerous, and powerful. Right?
18:59
I think if if all thoughts stem from the questions that we ask ourselves right into every thought stems from some question, it's actually really interesting, when you look back, take like your childhood and say, How can I have been born to the wrong family? That question changed the way you were thinking and literally changed the direction of your entire life.
19:21
That was, if I'm, if I'm not supposed to be here, because that's what it was. I found out Ultimately, my mother didn't want me that was an accident that was out of planning, and they plan everything and somehow I destroy the planning. So she hated being pregnant. was transcribed transcript transpired to at me, you know, and so I was like I was born with I'm not supposed to be here. Like in my bones right in my flesh, because she, she's like, he's not supposed to be here. He's ruining everything. Right? It's not a place. This is a mistake. So I was born with that in my gut. And like I said at five I put it together but that changed the course of my life completely, you know, for this moment, but that voice in my head was I don't belong here. I'm not supposed to be here. And that's kind of the Mind Bender Mind Bender.
20:16
Right? Well, well there's a case for like even the perinatal psychology of just like in in utero have different hormones were causing you to start shifting right. But
20:27
we also know that it's seven months old, the baby is seven months old starts recording everything on the surface system. So whatever she felt, I felt, whatever she experienced, I experienced whatever stress she created was created with my father, I get so we forget, we think babies know nothing, or babies are like super connectors, super radars know everything at birth. And before.
20:56
Let's shift gears so that we can, we can hit all the businesses or business owners listening are probably hoping to get some tips for how they can work on the relationships within their company so that they can build more trust, do get the team kind of moving in the right direction, alignment and all that. We talked about the need for expectation management being critical. How do you I guess, help leaders kind of set the tone for relationships.
21:22
You know, being a leader is is tedious. You know, because personality don't want to be too much of a douche, right? Some guys, some guys don't care about any of that. So they're douchey so that the team doesn't respond, right? There's so many variations of how you show up. And a lot of people have impostor syndrome, where they feel like who are who am I to direct these people. Without I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing here. Right, like so like, all these layers will show energetically, again, with through the power of your words, and the thoughts in your head of the world, and your team or your company, employee employees will respond to you. So one of the ones the things that I watch people trip over the most is, and I've done this myself, I've done it I learned I crashed and burned is the idea of if I treat my employees the way I want to be treated, they will respond respectfully.
22:26
That's like so naive, and you know, looking back was so really naive and not smart. Because I I've had terrible employers. Right before I started my career, I had terrible employees, guys would yell at me because they had a fight with their wives. And I go, you can talk to me that way. I'm the boss, and you can't talk about your fire stick. But I mean, my point is like, that's poor leadership. And so I went to became an employee, an employer, I would treat my my, my employees with complete respect, never mess with their money. Never mess with their time, always super respectful. Don't I mean, expecting them, they would appreciate that and treat me with respect, you know, the job with respect the you know, not wasted material and not screw around when I'm not around at all these. Right? Well, that was a bad joke. Because exactly, none of that happened. Because everybody we talked about this, when we are pre interview, where everybody is raised differently. cultural things are different people value different things, even though we live in the same world. And so I realized that my expectations were never shared. I never announced, I need you guys to be like this, when I'm not around this way expect to act like man, I respect you. I expect you to respect my business, my time, the property, not to waste, right? I'm supporting you, but I need you to like man up when you need to man up and you know, not at our children spending half hour in the bathroom, because after lunch, because you don't get back to a date. None of that stops, right. But I never had those conversations. So I'd get mad at them for not doing my way. But I never set up the boundaries. So that was ridiculous looking back, but I just it to me was so obvious. Right? So we ended up having meanings with expectation list. And that now was in the rules and this plays fairly, I need you to be like this to be like this, but like this idea that and now there's a framework so my expectations are clear. Whether it's business or personal relationship, by the way, it's even more tedious in personal relationships. We have a hard time setting, setting boundaries around relationships, because there's a psychology of that that we're more afraid of people not meeting our expectations that way in love matters or relationship personal relationships. And if they blow us off or ignore our you know, our asked for the way to behave or talk to you. Often it hurts even more because you share your expectations that don't meet them. And now, now what now, right? So another point from there when you expectations are listed out loud, you know this the way I like it this way works for me, right? If I'm in charge, I need you to talk to me this way, you need to approach me this way. All this stuff business personal. Now there's a framework. And so when it comes to employee employees, you know, when they miss the expectation or misbehave, we have a meeting. Remember, remember the directions, remember how we work around here, like so like this, I just cannot have that again. So, you know, I'm paying attention, and you're alright, so I need you to correct that. Once, twice, the second time I go, this is the second time. Plus it was a meeting upfront. And now there's a third time really, but the third time I call you in here to correct this is the last time that this is going to be brought forward because you get to go. It's up to you to step up to your work. And it was very difficult for me in the beginning, because, you know, I had guys who had two three kids. I mean, I'm their source of income. And I'm a good man, I have families, I know what it's like to stress out about money. And this, all this stuff. I live in Los Angeles, for God's sake, it's not cheap. So the idea of firing somebody was difficult because I've ruined their lives until I put these things in place where 123 You've been warned, it's up to you, you don't put up you know, you don't step up. It's on you. So you tell that to your wife, don't blame me blame you. And that was very liberating. And have Mattis managed to have me set up in a way that was for business like clear, you know, with clear boundaries, where I could hold boundaries when they're set up. And I'm never the bad guy. And it's up to you to match me. Right? You're
26:57
having them take personal ownership for it, which so I follow a similar model, like the 123. And we're gonna talk about it twice, try to set new plans for how we actually make it happen. Yeah, there are times on you. But I kind of realized the hard way that like, no one should be surprised about being fired. Right? Like, if you get to the point where someone like sits down, like, let's say, Okay, I screwed up somewhere. Because this should have been obvious to you that if you made these mistakes, you'd be partying.
27:26
And I think I think it goes back to leadership and making sure that you're clear, because I this is the way I do it now. And as opposed to blaming them for not either they didn't hear me. Right? Like, right, or they didn't they didn't get what I was saying, I think that's on me. To a degree you don't I mean, like if I always take the responsibility that whatever they they're not correcting is because I wasn't clear. Then I get to a dip again, that I mean, so So I started practicing. Repeat to me what I just said, repeat to me, what are you just heard? That's not what I said. What I said is this now repeat it and also like, it's interesting. I mean, it's amazing when you do that with people how I say something and that's not what they heard. Right? So that is that became the place of if they don't hear me right, is it me? Is it them? Like let me just have you repeated and and at that point if they've heard me you know, and they refuse to now I'm just completely out of it. Like this is all on you. And or my favorite that happens quite a bit is you didn't say that. I remember see that. i Yeah, three times so now you're playing games with me and you're have zero accountability and right this everything is the work. Here's the stuff. And so
28:53
yeah, couple things on this. So like we like on trackbacks right, just like it just goes back to what we just talked about. I feel like a lot of leaders find find is childish to do it. Until you realize how much how many problems it solves by just getting them to echo it back. We use it in the army went like it's a very clear thing because if you miss a piece right of this plan, yeah, people die on the other side. And so it's Yeah, super good. Now how do you kind of walk the line of making sure they grasp it? Everybody's tracking and not having like this massive handbook that someone needs to like tote around to understand what you know what all your
29:38
things that's the setup of the first three months of hiring somebody's gonna meet that expectation. you'll hire them for this purpose. Now this purpose, right so your job is this so this unlimited kind of, you know, liability, liability, but they just not in my in my business. It was a welder. There was a frame guy that was a painter right? There was the United guy like there's all have different jobs that all work for the same product in the end, but completely different jobs. So everybody being clear, and everybody's job, you know, ultimately. So it's it's not that thick. The rest of it, the rest of it is the the standard stuff. And this is I think where most people fail most when the wheels come off is I had one employee who tried to travel from far to get to, you know, I remember when I heard him as this, this is going to be a problem. This is Los Angeles is LA traffic, right, so unpredictable. So if it takes you an hour to get here, you'd have to calculate an hour and a half to get here, just in case. Because there's an hour of possible traffic problems that could stop you, I don't know, no problem, no problem. And he started showing up for work half hour late, an hour late, and go trust me, traffic grows. And I'm like, No, you gotta correct this, right, because we all come from all over the place, and everybody's here at eight o'clock. So well, I'll just go to my lunch. And right now, you don't have to make you don't make you don't get to make your own rules around work. And hours where everybody else gets to be at eight, there's no exception for you, because you can't go further. Well, that's not fair. Like it really is, in the basic of everybody does the same freaking thing, all these will all same for everybody. And you can but people will try to step out of this for their own comfort and, you know, victim of whatever. And these are hard to break because they literally think they're, they have the right to. And of course, he got fired. And he's just thought I was a jerk. Because I didn't understand it. Right. Right.
31:42
This is the perfect example of just culture setting. So like all culture comes down to a standard that you hold. And and it's on the leader right to say no, this is like, I'm not lowering the bar for you. This is people like us do things like this. So you're gonna show
31:58
the other employees if I didn't hold him up accountable, the other guy's like, Hey, what the hell? Why don't we show up? How come he can totally out the door everywhere, because this guy gets away with whatever he wants to do now. And like I said, he had to go just for the sake of the company competing to kind of get, you know, working properly. Moving to
32:23
some of the mistakes, common mistakes you see with leaders in a company interacting or just building that relationship with their their employees, like one of those most common citation,
32:34
miscommunication. impostor syndrome. Big one, big one. And the other one is there's two things the people who don't follow up enough and the people who micromanage and micromanaging is deadly. Especially if you work with men do not stand over a man to make sure he does it just your way you're like, there's, there's a way of this what I need, I need by this time go. That I mean, so if it's set properly, there's a time in place to finish it, right? This, this needs to be done by the end. And if anything happens, come up to me and say, you know, this is impossible. And this is why and this is what is gonna get done. Right? There's a whole chain of accountability, this life is complicated. Things are complicated sometimes, and rhythm and timing and whatever. Micromanaging will make your employees hateful, because it's disrespectful, right? And lack of follow through makes them confused. And then you look like, you know, you don't get the results done. And then if you have somebody above you, that you end up in a really tight spot, and you'll blame them for it when it's actually right back on you. Right. So it's kind of a there's a sweet spot here somewhere. But that's, that's another one that I see all the time. Like.
34:00
Yeah. And it's interesting, because like, when you're talking about, I wonder how many people have ever just asked the employee, like, how much do you want me checking? Because like, there are some people granted, it takes me in a super self aware person to know how much you want your leader coming to check on you. Like, I'm a very much a fire forget type of guy, like you don't need to check on me. Like, tell me what needs to be done. I'll check in with you if I need something. Versus like I have other team members who like, you know, every, probably once a week, we'll have a quick call. That's just like, right? Like, Hey, how's everything going on these projects? And it gives? Yeah, just it's good. They
34:36
enjoy the temperament. You know, know your audience. Do you know who you're working with? You know, I remember one guy was an older guy, and you know, you said this needs to be done, you know, get on it. And as soon as you're done, let me know. And not a word ever, you'd say where he was just like, they would like a beast would disappear. And go that man is done. And I would go down to two Ain't of the next guy who had to pick that up from there, right. And some others, like, see what I did. So when you were there I was cleaning. And you know, this took care of and it just needs to share everything that they've done. Okay, thanks for being so know your audience. Know your audience that you're talking to, because my favorite thing to say is, you know, this is the job, this is the work if you need help, let me know, right? If you need if you need a tool, don't try to make it up yourself, try to get around don't mess up the job because you didn't have to let me know like, I'm here to help you do your job. At the same time, I can't guess what you need. Whether it's manpower tool, like or information like, don't guess, right? Don't, it doesn't make you weak to come to me with. I'm stuck. Right? So so I have to open that channel for them to know, I'm here, you know, to help you do your job. And sort of keep me in the loop of what's you know, stuff like and happen all the time. I learned this because the guys would break tools. And that tells me because they don't tell me they broke the tool. So now they're struggling with something else. And it takes three hours longer. Because Are you kidding me? Just happened? Right? Tell me what's broken, I go get another one. Like, I'm not gonna punish you. You're not six years old. But again,
36:17
yeah. So now how do you approach getting them to, to actually open up like that and, and share they say,
36:23
I tell them, It's a must. It's not about you. It's not about me, it's a group effort. It's a company, we're billable, we're doing this the work we're doing. So I provide you everything you need for you to be productive. And also, if you break something, and happens, you're not gonna get bitched out, you're not gonna get screamed at, you don't be humiliated. It's accidents happen and stuff breaks so, but if you don't tell me, I'm going to lose my shit. You need to tell me, but because of offense, something would happen. And by the time the car needs to be at that level, now we don't have the uninstalls production, the car that was supposed to be delivered tomorrow now can't go because I didn't know that stress. That's when that's when that's when. So it's not about you. It's about what we're doing. It's a group effort, and something goes awry. I'll be completely cool. If I know ahead of time, I will lose it. If trying to protect yourself. And in the end, you break the chain of production.
37:21
Right? Now the entire team is in value.
37:24
And so now everybody and it's funny, because when I do this, even the other guys will keep everybody accountable, like now becomes a team effort. If I'm not there, the loop will continue with other guys going Oh, you like like that car's not gonna get ready then. So we need to tell Python. Like, you don't have no productivity to the manager. Right.
37:47
Awesome. Andre, there's been a great conversation. I'm gonna hit you with some semi rapid fire questions. Yeah. Personal what book do you think everyone should read?
37:57
Oh, one of my favorites. God is written 1928 Napoleon Hill, Outwitting the Devil.
38:05
So that was probably my second most gifted for for a year after after reading it,
38:14
which is this one I'm curious.
38:17
Was Essentialism by Greg McCowan? essentialism?
38:19
That one? Yeah, definitely.
38:25
Yeah, I would have never was a good one. I don't know that I took everything as like, well, we don't know why perfectly. But But uh, but yeah, it was just the constant.
38:36
I mean, if you consider that the devil in the book is fear itself. And if you read it that way, as opposed to really him having a conversation with the devil, the metaphor of like, is the devil is fear. And when his fear does, do it, destroy you from inside, he talks about the voice in your head, right? Like what is going on in here feel like, you know, that is keeping you from living, producing, you know, attaining everything, and really, truly being free to be you and to be in the world and doing the world where you're born to be fear. Deadly. Yeah.
39:10
For our listeners, something that's really fun about winning the devil that Napoleon Hill didn't want to publish it. Because he was worried about how the world would take it. He passed away before it was published. His wife read it, didn't want to publish it. And it was only years after she passed away the publishing house said
39:26
his family I think is his granddaughter. Thanks for the fascinating said this needs to be out that they actually cleaned it up a little bit to make it more. But yeah, they were afraid of the repercussions because it goes against the church. It goes against the government, it goes against everything. Because education is your base to keep people trapped and not ranking. And it's these, you know, and the freedom the fear that they instill in us the devil he calls it is, you know, when you see the game, oh, it's a different reality. So I think it's brilliant. And again Yeah, it was seven years before they released it. Crazy,
40:03
right? Crazy. Awesome. Yeah, I would recommend that. So, what's next for you professionally?
40:10
Well, you know, my job. I mean, I'm a relationship coach. Right communication expert. That's part of the relationship coaching, whether it's business, personal marriage, whatever. But I'm busy. Everybody's confused in relationships. Like, it's, it's interesting, where, I mean, it's factual, right? We think the, the fact that all the rules have been tossed out the window should make life easier. And it may be true in a lot of ways for business and career and money. But when it comes to relationships is a disaster like this. No, I mean, you understand that. And this is specifically worse for women, I'm just gonna say, because the statistic now that women are more unhappy now, today than they've ever been in the history recorded history of humanity, more unhappy than grandmothers who a lot of people say they were slaves to unhappy now. And there's really good reasons in my world, and it could explain it. But that's a big problem. Women are unhappy, and feeling abandoned by men, because we change all the rules. It's not working. Oh, people often accuse me of like, trying to take us back to the 50s. And makes me laugh, because the last thing I ever want to do, but this is a classic, more classic or more traditional way of being in relationships that lines up with nature. You know, a lot of stuff we're doing now is against and away from nature thinking, you know, we release the bonds of remedy, that's normal. So by doing whatever, we want to have the freedom, it doesn't work in relationships, right? You flip the scripts, it does it makes things confusing, harder, mind boggling, women are not happy. Men are confused. And everybody's sort of on their sides wondering what's happening there. I mean, and women say stuff, like, where's all the good man, and the men are like, Where are the women, these are not women anymore. These are these little, these are men with vaginas. Like these days, like we're the women were the feminine women. So that's a that's the stuff that I'm sort of dealing with all the time. So I'm busy, because it's out there. But the big goal, the big I haven't got calling. It is it's so overwhelming sometimes. But I'm I'm to help. We calibrate the culture when it comes to men and women's leadership dynamics. What's happening in the world right now, everything that we flip, simulates liberating, it doesn't work. It destroys relationships, it destroys family systems. And with family falls apart, culture falls apart, society falls apart, look around. So my God calling is to actually kind of teach this material to recalibrate and go back to a little bit more risk. more natural, what works, what works. You know, if you look behind me, look, it's my wife and I both dancing, right? There's something beautiful and classical about this, and relationships that perfectly a version of this, you know, there's two people come together to create a new dance. Right? There's not a practice. So in that, you have to know how to be the leader and how to be the supporter, and it doesn't make the supporter weak. Now my wife does everything that I'm doing backwards in high heels address, it's not easier. It's different, right? But we convince women that being supportive in a supportive role is less than Houston, it creates a huge problem. And again, it's not back to the 50s There's a model we did do this, a balance where they do this a sweet spot, I call it where you can both breathe each other the part that the other one doesn't have and flourish and have loving, glowing, satisfying relationships and be able to raise kids if that's what you want, and them to be healthy. And be able to, for them to build also healthy bonds and healthy relationships with others, you know, when they grow up to create healthy families, and really kind of this is the basis of society, families, family structures, that's how you can the world, you know, steady, stable and productive. Anyway, it's a nightmare.
44:16
And if anyone wants to join you on their journey, where can they find you?
44:20
Alright, so actually, I got a couple of gifts for you listeners. That's okay. Okay. So I'm in my, from my perspective, there's two types of people who listen to podcasts. They're people who want some information. They're just curious. So if you're a person who wants some information, and I'm curious, I'm going to pull up my little book here that is the very best way. If you email me directly at you my direct email address if you do email me at Andre coaching the number one@gmail.com Andre coaching one@gmail.com under the title of the email you right, irresistible book, I have this 30 page book to the call on five feminine qualities I value men find absolutely irresistible. It's a workbook. So there's work to be done inside 30 pages I sell on my website. I'll send it to you listeners for free. Just to give. So if you want some information, curious about what I do what to talk about what men find irresistible ladies, because you don't know, Amanda very clear, but you don't know but and men can explain it. It's right here. I'll do coaching one. Now, other listeners typically want action or want movement, why it's so if you're curious about what I just talked about, if you're curious about my work, if you're curious about learning about the dance relationship works, audio coaching, one at Gmail, but in a subject matter, just put talk now. And my team and I will send you a link a zoom link, where you and I will talk one on one for about an hour and discuss really, what's not working for you. Are you stuck, right? There's a loop, we find ourselves stuck in a loop. That's the belief system from childhood running your life that you forgot about. loop, the loop, the loop, men are all women are all I never am not good, right? What's wrong with me? Like, that's loop. So, um, we cannot cover the loop in 15 minutes. I'm really, really good at this. And that phone call alone is very liberating. Because you understand, there's nothing wrong with you. You're a product of your past if you stuck, right? And then from there, like I'll tell you, you know, have different ways to work with me if that's what you want. So I'll do coaching one, talk now. Whatever conversation it takes, being ready, it takes a little courage. But I'm this guy, I'm on your side, you know, and that called us turn people's around to that color known as turn some people's lives around just understanding that they're not broken.
46:52
Right. Well, thank you for those. That's a great conversation. We'll do it again sometime.
46:57
Yeah, and the website if I may, if you don't mind. Is Project equinox.net.net that.com. World of I have blogs, I'm connected you have all the connection to Instagram of course Tik Tok and Facebook and all that jazz and soul linked. A lot of blogging a lot of YouTube shorts on there they squat funny spend the day. You know the stuff that I put out there? If you're curious.
47:26
All right. Awesome. Thanks again. Absolutely. So awesome. Anytime at all. If you enjoyed today's episode, I would love a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. And for more information on how to build effective and efficient teams through your leadership visit leading for effect.com As always deserve it
Transcribed by https://otter.ai