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Sermons from Commons Church. Intellectually honest. Spiritually passionate. Jesus at the centre. Since 2014.
Samson is essentially the perpetually online incel that desperately needs someone in his life to come along and say, bro, you need to touch grass. Someone to say, Samson, you're hurt, and you're embarrassed, and you're frustrated, and you deserve to feel all of that. But this isn't the way forward. This leads only to more hurt for everyone. Today, we are gonna kick off a new series to go with this new year.
Jeremy Duncan:It's called The Art of. And often in January, we try to take some time to talk about relationships. I think maybe we're all a little more open to change at this time of year. And so this year, we want to talk about developing some real intimacy in our relationships. And to talk about that, we want to talk about intention, attention, and risk as it relates to how we live with and love each other well.
Jeremy Duncan:But first, let's pray. God of new beginnings, who is always ahead of us, always inviting us forward, encouraging us to begin and to begin again. Would you be present in the start of this new year as we imagine ourselves in new moments and situations, as we learn to love the best about what you have created in us, as we survey a new year laid out in front of us full of possibility and danger and triumph and failure, Might we become captured by what you see in us, goodness and kindness, strength and resolve. Fill our lungs with fresh breath of spirit, and allow us to see with new eyes the possibilities ahead. Bring us forward in joy as real as grace to celebrate your holy presence in and around us this year.
Jeremy Duncan:In the strong name of the risen Christ, we pray. Amen. Today, it is the art of intention, and we wanna talk about authentic intimacy, artificial intelligence, ancient stories, and the art of satire. But, really, our goal in this series of conversations over the next 3 weeks is about reflecting on how we can build some depth and intimacy into our relationships. And, yes, absolutely, that might include romantic relationships, your relationship with your partner or your spouse.
Jeremy Duncan:By the way, our marriage and relationship course, I believe, is already full for the winter session. It's awesome to see so many people making that investment. And we will look into how we can continue to expand that offering as we head into 2025. But I think we all recognize, even if we struggle to express it, that intimacy is something we want across actually a wide spectrum of our relationships, not just in romantic partners. My wife is absolutely the most important person in my life.
Jeremy Duncan:But caring for that relationship well also means ensuring that she is not responsible for all of my emotional needs. Like, I have some very bro relationships, mainly predicated on memes, and beers, and sports, Very. That are also somehow some of the most intimate relationships in my life. Now I might not use the term intimate so freely with those friends, but they are friends who know me deeply, who care about my well-being as much as my fantasy football team. Congratulations, Justin.
Jeremy Duncan:But there's an art to that kind of intimacy as well. Right? And I think the curation of all of these different types of intimate relationships starts by recognizing that intimacy is not something we need, or honestly probably even want in every relationship. Like, I play an extrovert on TV, but I'm actually a pretty introverted person in real life. And unsurprisingly, I prefer to keep a lot of my emotional world pretty buttoned up in public.
Jeremy Duncan:But that's not because I'm afraid of my emotions. It's actually because I've done a lot of work to understand how I feel them well, and how I can best appropriately process them, how I can then allow them to teach me and guide me going forward. And so because of what I've learned about myself in 47 years so far, is I've realized I have to regularly remind myself to be consciously open and curious about new relationships, to allow them to come into, and also sometimes out of my life as necessary, but also to be quite intentional about the spaces and the relationships in which I pursue intimacy. Now I want to say something here. Intimacy is the not same thing as authenticity.
Jeremy Duncan:Right? Like being intentional about the relationships in which you open yourself, or being careful about the people to whom you share what is most important to you. That does not mean being inauthentic with everyone else. Oftentimes, it's knowing your boundaries and being clear with your limits. Understanding what a particular relationship has earned from you in terms of its access to you, that's precisely how you live authentically with everyone.
Jeremy Duncan:As an example here, sharing about the struggles in your marriage with the person that you randomly met on the bus 15 minutes ago is not authentic. That's a sign that you haven't cultivated appropriate intimate relationships. And now you're using oversharing as a proxy. Real, healthy, vulnerable, powerful relationships, the kind that all of us need if we're going to get to where we want to be a decade from now, those relationships require us to be intentional, intentional about pursuing them, about building them, and importantly here, intentional about maintaining them. And so as we open this series of conversations about the art of intimacy, I want to talk today about intention as we head into the new year, and I want to do that by shifting gears here.
Jeremy Duncan:In fact, I want to come at this from a pretty different angle to start, and I want to talk about artificial intelligence for a moment. Now calm down. I'm not going to put JATGBT on blast or criticize anyone for playing around with Gemini. I honestly think this technology is pretty fascinating, to be honest. But I also think it's pretty important that we engage with it intentionally.
Jeremy Duncan:If you happen to be an ecumenical theology nerd, you may have heard the news this week. And by news, I mean the very obscure ecclesiological debate that was happening online But a particular Roman Catholic cardinal expressed his trust in the idea of universal salvation. This idea that, as Jesus says, there will come a time when all things are renewed. But coming from a Catholic cardinal, that was a big deal in certain circles. The closest Catholics had come to this before was perhaps the work of Hans Urs von Balthasar.
Jeremy Duncan:He of the fantastic name who suggested that we should dare to hope that all might be saved. Anyway, I found this fascinating. And I was following the discussion online about where exactly this fits into Catholic doctrine. And someone posted that this was heretical, because the idea had been made anathema in the 46th canon of the Second Council of Constantinople. They even provided a quote that sounded pretty convincing.
Jeremy Duncan:And since most people had no idea what an anathemaizing canon of the Second Council of Constantinople even meant, they just simply liked or disliked the quote based on their chosen bias. Thing is, I've actually read the 2nd Council of Constantinople a few years ago, because it deals with an early church father named Origen, who I happen to appreciate a lot. And for some reason, this quote didn't ring any bells. So I went back to my office, and I pulled some church history texts off the shelf. And I looked it up.
Jeremy Duncan:And lo and behold, not only was the quote manufactured, but there weren't even 46 canons in the Second Council of Constantinople to begin with. Now, I'm not sure where the number 46 came from. But it does turn out that this person had asked Chat GPT. And dutifully, Chat GPT had scoured the internet and found someone's interpretation of a later variation that included a section that was not the original text signed by pope Vigilus in the year 553. Now why do I bring all this up?
Jeremy Duncan:Well, first, because church history is fascinating for me. And second, because I think we should all be aware that increasingly, as computers learn to use human language, they are shedding the veneer of objectivity in exchange for the power of influence. Computers are now interpreting. They are narrating. We still think we're dealing with ones and zeros, but increasingly, we are encountering stories.
Jeremy Duncan:And stories are incredibly powerful. Do you remember the Rohingya crisis? We actually raised some funds, and we worked with Care Canada to help address the violence and those fleeing from it in 2017. Well, in the years since, a pretty exhaustive autopsy has been done on what exactly caused that alarming outbreak of cruelty in Myanmar. And Yuval Noah Harari outlined some of this in his new book Nexus.
Jeremy Duncan:See, it turns out that the Rohingya were originally refugees from Bangladesh that had moved into the area in the 19 seventies. But there had always been a lot of tension with the native Burmese population for a long time. And in 2016, a small group calling themselves the Arakan Rohingya Salvation Army actually carried out a series of terrorist attacks against their neighbors in Myanmar. Now at the time, there were many leading Buddhist voices in the country that rose to prominence in Myanmar. Among them was Ashin Warathu, a Buddhist monk who propagated the idea that the Rohingya were intent on an anti Buddhist jihad and needed to be violently driven out of the country.
Jeremy Duncan:A second was Sayyada Vithuda, a Buddhist abbot who called for calm, and who ended up sheltering more than 800 Rohingya in his monastery at the height of the violence. At one point, he actually had to come out and tell his neighbors, neighbors that he had grown up with, that they were going to have to murder him if they wanted to hurt those he was sheltering. Now in the end, that group was spared, but up to 25,000 Rohingya were killed. Almost 3 quarters of a 1000000 people were violently expelled from their homes in Myanmar as refugees into neighboring countries. But do you know what a UN fact finding mission found was the determining factor?
Jeremy Duncan:It was Facebook. Now, I know what you're saying, but you've got to remember, 2017 was a different time. Facebook was kind of a big deal back then. I know it's just your aunt who uses it now. But trust me, a lot of people used to be on Facebook.
Jeremy Duncan:So many people, in fact, that even Facebook itself has since acknowledged that at the time, quote, we weren't doing enough to help prevent our platform from being used to foment division and incite offline violence. And what does that mean? Well, it means that at the time Facebook's algorithm was tuned only to increase engagement and to keep people on the platform as long as possible with absolutely no intention given to what kind of engagement it created. And, particularly, in the context of some very real terrorist attacks happening in the country, what narrative was the most engaging? The one that called for calm and objective assessment of your neighbor?
Jeremy Duncan:Or the one that tapped into fear and hijacked your amygdala and convinced you that every post you read and shared and liked and sent was somehow a matter of life and death? Well, the answer was the second at an almost incalculable human cost. In fact, Facebook later admitted that of the extremist and hate groups they identified on their platform, 64% of the membership in those groups had joined specifically because Facebook had recommended the group to them. Now that's a pretty extreme example. Actually, it's the most extreme example I could find.
Jeremy Duncan:But I bring it up because we have to be aware that narratives will always have more influence on us than facts ever will. And the problems posed by computational mastery of linguistics explicitly intentional about how we process our fears with each other. And the thing is, that is not something that you or I can do particularly well on our own. See, in the absence of relationship, our limbic system will almost always overrule our prefrontal cortex. You need other human beings in your space, face to face, relationships that are safe enough for you to talk about what is going on inside you, particularly when you're scared.
Jeremy Duncan:And increasingly, alarmingly increasingly in fact, the more personalized our computer networks get, the more we need to intentionally pursue intimate relationships in which we can actually talk through and understand and process together what it is that we are feeling. Emotions are a narrative. And narratives aren't bad, but they also aren't neutral. They are moving you somewhere, whether you recognize it or not. Now I'm not a Luddite.
Jeremy Duncan:I use social media. I'm fascinated by all of this new technology around us and how it will change our lives and the lives of my kids. But I also know that you and I clicking and posting and doing our own research online without an intentional, healthy, offline community of real human beings to ground us in relationship will have us living in whatever reality tickles the most susceptible parts of these incredible computers that we call our brains. And all of that might sound like a decidedly modern problem. And of course, in this very specific example I've used today, it absolutely is.
Jeremy Duncan:But I also think it's something that we've understood the danger of for a very, very long time. Last year, we took some time to work through the book of Judges, one of the darkest, most difficult, most violent books in the Hebrew scriptures. And we did that because, one, I think it's important for us to wrestle with the full breadth of scripture. And I also think the scriptures want us to wrestle with the hardest parts of our story, and ultimately, the hardest parts of our own hearts. But one of the most famous characters in the book of Judges was a man named Samson.
Jeremy Duncan:And Samson's story starts way back before Delilah and his lustrous hair. By the way, my hair is slowly growing back now after that decidedly too short haircut I had this fall. Thank goodness. But in Judges 14, we find the story of Samson. And basically what happens is that he, a Hebrew man, falls for a Philistine woman, forbidden love and all that.
Jeremy Duncan:And, of course, his family objects. They want him to find a nice Jewish girl. But he says, no. This is the one I love. I've made up my mind.
Jeremy Duncan:And so eventually, everyone gets on board. They host this big party to celebrate the pending nuptials. However, during the party, Samson decides he wants to make a bet with some of his new in laws. And he gives them a riddle, and he says, if you can solve this before the wedding, I will give you 30 fancy linen outfits. I mean, who doesn't want that?
Jeremy Duncan:However, if you can't solve it, then you have to give me 30 fancy linen outfits. I will never have to go shopping again. They agree. And he gives them the riddle. Out of the eater, something to eat.
Jeremy Duncan:Out of the strong, something sweet. Problem is this is an inside joke. See, one day Samson killed a lion. And later, when he walked past the dead carcass, he saw some bees building a nest in the animal. And he ate the honey and apparently came up with this riddle.
Jeremy Duncan:The thing is, it is entirely based on his own personal experience. There is no way anyone could possibly solve this. And so when these future brother in laws can't figure it out, they go to their sister, and they say, look. You have to help us here. We don't have 30 fancy linen outfits.
Jeremy Duncan:You've got to get the answer for us. She succeeds in teasing it out of Samson. She gives it to her brothers. They give Samson the answer. And he is furious about this.
Jeremy Duncan:So furious, in fact, that he leaves the party, walks over to the next town, kills 30 Philistines, takes their fancy linen outfits, hands them to his potential in laws, and then leaves before the wedding even happens. Now, sometime later, the text says, at the time of the wheat harvest. So it's implying that at least an entire season has gone by. Samson decides he wants to go see his wife. He comes strolling back into town, and the family's like, what are you talking about?
Jeremy Duncan:You left months ago. She moved on. She got married to someone else. Samson says to himself, I'll quote here, I have a right to get even, Judges 15 verse 3. So he goes out.
Jeremy Duncan:He catches 300 foxes. He ties their tails together into 150 fox pairs. How's that work? I don't know. He lights them on fire, and he releases them into town.
Jeremy Duncan:Everything gets burned up. The grain, the vineyards, the olive grows. He destroys everything. The men of the town blame all of this on the woman and her family for bringing Samson into their lives. They go, and they burn down the house with her and her father in it.
Jeremy Duncan:Samson responds by, and I'll quote Judges 157 here, viciously attacking and killing them in revenge. Except the story is not over. Because then the Philistines raise an army and prepare to attack Judah. The leaders of Judah agree to hand Samson over as a war criminal in an effort to avoid, conflict. But when they try, Samson breaks free, finds the jawbone of a donkey, and kills another 1,000 men.
Jeremy Duncan:And then just to rub it in, he writes a little poem to memorialize the day. With a donkey's jawbone, I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone, I have killed a 1,000 men. Now, this is an awful story. Like, it is a long sordid, embarrassing tale.
Jeremy Duncan:It is not fit for children. It is barely fit for church. But it leads into the more familiar story of Samson that we explored last year, the one with Delilah and the hair and the heroics. And I can only argue that this seems to be about the larger story of how God can redeem and use even the worst among us like Samson. But I think this whole story is summed up perfectly by Samson when he says this in verse 11.
Jeremy Duncan:I merely did to them what they did to me. That line. I merely did to them what they did to me. I think that line is one of the most important anywhere in scripture. I think that line has far more insight into the human condition than we can possibly imagine.
Jeremy Duncan:In fact, if I had to guess, I'd probably bet that somewhere along the line, you have probably said almost that exact line to yourself at some point. Now, maybe not in as extreme a situation. I hope not. But something very clearly to the effect of, I'm only doing to them what they did to me. I'm justified.
Jeremy Duncan:And the point of this story is to show us how foolish we were when we did. That's the point in the story. Your perspective when you are angry or when you are scared, when you are frustrated, when you're anxious, your point of view on your own is not reliable. And so Samson tricks his neighbors with a riddle they can't solve. They trick him back by extorting the answer from his bride to be.
Jeremy Duncan:Angry, he leaves before the marriage can happen. Hurt, she marries someone else. Frustrated, he burns down their fields. Enraged, they murder his estranged wife. He murders them back.
Jeremy Duncan:They raise an army to start a war. He finds a donkey bone and proceeds to go John Wick for the rest of the film. And in the end, a 1000 people are dead over what amounts to a bad joke. But that's what the story's about, the way that revenge escalates always. And, yes, it is a silly story.
Jeremy Duncan:It's supposed to be. Because it is meant to show us what can happen when we are unmoored from community, What can happen when we allow our internal narrative to spin and unspool without a tether to something that is bigger than us? Friends who can offer us a sober second thought, Samson is essentially the perpetually online incel that desperately needs someone in his life to come along and say, bro, you need to touch grass. Someone to say, Samson, you're hurt, and you're embarrassed, and you're frustrated, and you deserve to feel all of that. But this isn't the way forward.
Jeremy Duncan:This leads only to more hurt for everyone. The problem here is Samson doesn't have that friend. In fact, the problem really is we don't have that friend unless we get serious about cultivating vulnerable spaces in which we can be intentional about building intimacy into the foundations of our very relationships. And sure, we don't have Philistines, and Jawbones, and fancy linens to worry about. But you know what we do have to be worried about?
Jeremy Duncan:Online communities, where we only show and see a very small slice of ourselves. Actually, let's be honest here. We should worry about offline communities, like churches, where we only show and see a very small slice of ourselves. We have to worry about narratives that are being driven as the unintended consequence of algorithmic goals for engagement. We have to worry about how easy it is to find a justification for all of our grievances around every corner, how hard it is to push ourselves to engage with perspectives that come from outside our default position.
Jeremy Duncan:We have to be concerned with intentionally pursuing the kind of relationships that will push us to live bigger, not smaller lives. And that only comes when we are explicitly intentional about paying attention to the stories that surround us offline in real life. It only comes when we are intentional about diving into the risk of building intimacy in as a way of life with the people around us. And maybe you can't do that in a day. In fact, I know you can't.
Jeremy Duncan:But I do know that with enough intentional steps and enough honest investment with enough choices that stack up over days weeks months, and, yeah, probably it's gonna take years, you can find yourself so much more durable than you are on your own. That's what intimacy does for us. It allows us to see the world through more than just our own eyes. It helps us to correct for the emotions that we don't know how to deal with on our own. And that's our prayer as we head into 2025, that we might all find that same kind of durability and perspective through each other.
Jeremy Duncan:And that's where we'll pick up next week. Let's pray. God, for all those times when we have traded the harder path, the risk of vulnerability, the courage to be open, the work of building and maintaining intentional friendships and intimate connections. And instead, we've chosen the much easier path of looking inward and diving into our own fears, our own anxieties, or perhaps even our own greed. We've been motivated by our baser instincts rather than the path that you have laid ahead of us.
Jeremy Duncan:So, God, we ask for your help to remind us to put in the work, to breathe into us the bravery, and to keep us steady moving one step slowly at a time towards truth and openness, vulnerability and risk in our relationships, trusting that as we do, we will see the world with bigger eyes, in more colorful ways, in truth that represents reality more clearly than we could ever see on our own from just our perspective. We trust that our investment and our intentionality in intimacy will give us perspective that allows us to be more true, more graceful, more peaceful, that will help us find the path to take the steps back to you. In the strong name of the risen Christ we pray. Amen. Hey, Jeremy here.
Jeremy Duncan:And thanks for listening to our podcast. If you're intrigued by the work that we're doing here at commons, you can head to our website commons.church for more information. You can find us on all of the socials at commonschurch. You can subscribe to our YouTube channel where we are posting content regularly for the community. You can also join our discord server.
Jeremy Duncan:Head to commons.church/discord for the invite, and there you will find the community having all kinds of conversations about how we can encourage each other to follow the way of Jesus. We would love to hear from you. Anyway, thanks for tuning in. Have a great week. We'll talk to you soon.