Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
We’ve been told the feminine is “rising," but the truth is, she must first descend—into her roots, her womb, her shadow, her softness. This descent is not collapse. It is reclamation. This 7-part podcast training from Monarch Mystery School is guiding women into the depths of their power, pleasure, and purpose.
Welcome back to The Dark Feminine Diaries. It's Victoria. And Daphne. I am so excited to be here because Daphne and I have conversations all day long, as you guys can imagine. And this podcast started because we wanted to bring you behind the curtain of that, behind our constant voice notes, behind our thoughts, behind everything that is rumbling around in our Taurus and Scorpio brains.
And I know the last couple episodes have been mommy-focused, but duh, we're moms. And it's the middle of summer for Daphne. It's the end of summer for me, thank fucking baby Jesus. And we've had some realizations that feel really important to share because mommy comes first. Mommy first. Mommy first. And when she doesn't, that's when you feel like shit.
That's when you scream and rage at your kids. That's when... I don't wanna say you hate your life, but kind of, right? Well, you know, here's the thing. Most of us are taught to wear our sacrifice and martyrdom as badges of honor. I mean, how many times have we said to people, "My children are the center of my world"?
Oh. Or... Oh. Or at least been told that they should be, or at least been told by somebody as a badge of honor that that's the case. And the reality is that if your children are the center of the world, who is leading the troop here? It's a circus. No one is leading anyone. Exactly. I think that what's beautiful about motherhood is that we get to impart our wisdom with this next generation, not to force them, but to guide them, and hopefully leave things better than we came here.
Right? To help guide them to grow into their own individual humans. But along the way, we can't become hollow bags of shit that just serve. I feel that analogy so much because, you know, you think you're being a good mom. You're like, "Okay, I'm not putting them in front of the TV. We're gonna get out on an adventure.
We're gonna go do X, Y, and Z." You know, you come home. You've been out there with them for hours, and you just wanna sit down and maybe read a book. Maybe you need to work on your business. Maybe you just wanna be like left the fuck alone, and that doesn't happen. And then what I like to call the rage monster comes out because you're like, "Why can't you just give me a second?"
Because you didn't give yourself a second, mama. Like, they are never going to be able to fill your cup. They are little takers, and that's okay. That is their role. Children take. You are never gonna feel any reciprocity from them until they're fucking like 35, if even. So you already— Seriously, and— Like, you're already depleted, and then you're asking them to fill you?
Like, that's crazy. Yeah, and what a great story, too, to share here, and what a great example because it happens to us all the time, right? We give to our children in anticipation of ourselves, and hope that it'll be enough that their overflow will somehow fill our cup or that their satisfaction will somehow buy us time, and the reality is that the inverse happens.
When we teach our kids that our time is not valuable or that mommy comes last after everybody else is taken care of, which may or may not happen, they react accordingly. So behind a closed door becomes a door they can bang on. A conversation becomes something they can interrupt because they know that you've shown them that it's not important.
I mean, the reality is— And I think it makes us a good mom. We do. We do. However, the quality of what we can give with a full cup is so different. Like, I am a fun mom when my cup is full, when I've had my coffee, when I'm heavily meditated. I am an awesome mom. You know what? I'm a really shitty mom when I don't, because I'm looking at them, begging them to give me a damn moment, and the reality is that's not their job.
Nope. Nope, and we've taught them. Like, I think about it, the dinner table, like... And I know moms always say, like, "Okay, once you're sitting down, you don't get back up." But, like, I used to be the mom that would get up and go get the water bottle, go get the thing, and then before I know it, my dinner's cold.
I haven't eaten. Yeah. And then I'm angry because I was hungry, and everyone else is fed and ready to be done with dinner, and I'm not finished yet. Or the snack monster this summer. Oh my God, I have been a snack bitch. And I get it. At some moments, like, you're supposed to be. That's totally fine. But when I am catering to their every need because they don't wanna get up from watching the TV—
No. Yes. Mama, no. Yes. Somehow your legs are stronger and younger and cool to make all those moves. Somehow those three-year-old legs aren't strong enough to get up and go get that snack. Nope. Can't do it. It's okay if it's a Hot Wheels toy or if it's like a truck or a toy, right?
Right? They would run. But the snack, oof. No, you're good at that, Mom. You're good at that. Well, I... So I heard this great analogy the other day about the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. So Goldilocks finds the table, and Papa Bear's food is too hot, right, 'cause it's been served right away first.
Mama Bear's food is too cold 'cause bitch still hasn't sat down. Baby Bear's is a perfect temperature because Mama's got cold 'cause she was blowing on Baby Bear's. Yeah. God, what a good... I mean, all of these fables are here to teach us something, and yes, we just need to listen. Like, Sebastian was asking me about Red Riding Hood last night, and I was trying to think of what the moral of the story was, and I was like, "You know, I don't..."
Don't, don't run away from home?" Like, I don't really know. Bitch, she didn't run away. I know. Basically, I was like, "I don't really know this fairytale as well as I thought I did," so— Uh, well, for any children listening, I hope you're not, but— The moral of that story was don't talk to strangers.
She tells the wolf she's going to her grandmother's house. Oh, and then the wolf gets there first. Okay. Yeah. You're right. You're right. But wait, there's another great leadership lesson right there. Thank you for bringing that up, Victoria. Okay? Stop telling everyone, including your children, what the fuck you're about to do next.
Ooh, yes. Be the stealthy mommy ninja. See them do the thing and don't tell them you saw them do the thing. Just know it. Just change your behavior. Move in silence like lasagna. Oh my God, you don't know that Lil Wayne quote? Oh, damn it. You're an older millennial. Who's lasagna?
It's just a Lil Wayne verse where he talks about moving in silence like lasagna. I don't know why the fuck lasagna's quiet. I guess maybe because it's all pillowy and shit. I have so many more questions than answers about that comment, but we're gonna be quiet like lasagna. Oh, I'll rein us in to say that I love that because how many times do we broadcast our moves?
Even in business, okay? Not even just in motherhood, but in business when we're like, "Oh my God, I'm gonna do the thing. Oh my God, I'm gonna quit weed this week," and then it completely backfires on us. And that's the example was quitting weed. I mean, personal experience here, okay?
Personal experience here. Every time I've announced it, it's never stuck, so we just can't announce it anymore. But I feel like that's a lot in business. Like, you have this big idea, you have this big dream, you have this big thing, and you let the champagne cork out the bottle. Like, you tell people before it's ready, and it doesn't have time to marinate, it doesn't have time to sit, it doesn't have time to become ooey, gooey, delicious lasagna.
I'm just mixing all the metaphors this morning. Whatever. It's 5:30 in the morning right now. But then you wonder why it's not working, or you wonder why all these eyeballs get on you, and you clam up, you know? It's like, don't announce the move until way after or until it's been made or until you've made the shift.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And you know, when you plant a seed, right? Half of the growth before you even see progress happens underneath. And what happens is the moment that you tell people, they wanna hear about the growth.
They wanna see the growth. They wanna check in. How many times have you told your friend, "Oh, I'm gonna do this," and then in all of her best intentions she asks you 40 fucking times how it's going before you've made enough progress to be proud to tell a fucking soul? And so every time she asks, instead of being like, "Yeah," you're like, "Ugh, let me think about the progress I'm not making."
And yes, you either self-sabotage or that person's opinion or that person's timeline for whatever reason starts to hold more weight than the natural percolation of whatever idea came to you. The reality is that the best ideas come at the best time. Because that's when they're meant to come, right?
It's like that inspiration is floating around, and it chose you as the host. And just like our kids chose us, right? Our timing isn't off. It's about when that idea comes, you don't throw everything away and just focus on that one thing, right? You allow it to percolate and naturally root and naturally happen.
And so as moms, we have to make sure that we're holding onto that original seed of what we had kids for, right? We had kids to amplify ourselves. That's how fucking awesome we are. Let's be honest, right? I love that. Right? I mean, procreation is literally creating new, right? But from what?
From yourself. It's like we are making the future from the fabric of our bodies, and that's fucking powerful. But we then disempower ourselves by doing the exact opposite, by being like, "Hey, you thing I just made, you lead the troop now." Right? Oh my God. You do it. It's like the prisoners are in charge of the asylum, and then we wonder why it sucks so bad.
And if you have multiples too, like, I mean, I get it. Motherhood is hard. Whatever season you are in right now, it is hard, you know? And I think that's probably why we can laugh so much because it's been hard and it is hard. But it doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it, and you can feel better.
You deserve to feel better. That skeleton, depleted mom energy, like, is not it, sis. Yeah. And you know, maybe that was the example you were shown by your mother, but hey, if you're here and you're listening, you're most likely a cycle breaker. You're most likely wanting to do things differently for your family.
And aha, that also makes things hard, right? Because you're the first one in your family to do it. So give yourself grace. If you only remember to fill your cup two days out of seven right now, woo-hoo, that's amazing. Yeah. We're gonna get you to seven days out of seven, mama, but don't put yourself down for where you're at or for what you've had to do to survive, you know?
I feel like I've been a bit in survival mode this summer, but I also feel like, yes, I can see the finish line. But when I started to fill myself back up first, those are the days I've had the most fun with my kids. Just like Daphne was saying, those are the days I'm actually a fun mom because I did something that filled me up.
Yes, some days it's business stuff that is, quote-unquote, "productive." Some days it's just moving my body. You know how I realized I haven't done Pilates, like, all summer until yesterday? That's like two and a half months. I used to do that thing, like, every single day. Yeah. It creeps in. That's what happens.
It creeps in, right? Because our desire to be a fun, connected mom is always there, right? Me first is actually for most of us, to Victoria's point, is not a natural thing. It's not something that we saw happen. And me first doesn't have to be, by the way, like, you run off to a seven-day Pilates event, right?
Which, I mean, hey, if you wanna come with us in September on retreat in France, we won't say no. Well, actually, you should come on that seven-day Pilates event, except it's called— The Art of Becoming ... The Art of Becoming in France, and you should come with us. But no, the, I guess to your point, everybody's in a different season of motherhood, and the reality is that filling your cup first happens in micro moments before it happens in the macro moments.
It happens in literally pouring a cup of water for yourself before you fill the sippy cups. It comes as literally pooping before you change their diaper. Because your ability to change the diaper or fill the sippy cup actually improves when your body is at full capacity. When you're there as a mom for them, you are a tool, an emotional regulation tool, a safety tool, a nourishing tool, right?
It's like not sharpening your blade before you try to cut a tomato. Like, it's a fucking mess, right? It gets cut, but it's a mess. And the reality is that we all deserve to navigate motherhood in our wholeness so that our kids can feel whole as mothers in the future, and as husbands and supporters in the future.
And so this whole conversation that we're having with you right now is just to bring attention to the fact that there's a better way. Listen, my kids are older than Victoria's. I've got kids, you know, 10 and 8 and, you know, they can do a lot of things for themselves, and still the conversation is the same, and we're here to change this.
We're here to develop a new way of being for mothers to actually reign, feeling free in their own lives while still being active, present moms. And if you don't think that that's possible right now, I promise you it is. I promise you it is. Those little micro moments, those little micro shifts, they make a difference because you are in charge of the energy of the room.
You set the tone for your family. And even if you don't realize you're doing it subconsciously, your kids, your husband, your family is all gonna pick up on it, and they are gonna follow that tone. And if they think that they can walk all over mommy, they will. Not because they're trying to, not because they're bad people or bad kids or bad anything.
They just will because that's the electromagnetic signal that your body is sending out. And you deserve to enjoy motherhood. You deserve to enjoy life. We have some previous Dark Feminine podcasts that are great to listen to about the nuclear family and how that's fucking us over and how you actually don't even have the support that you need.
So you're already starting off in the red, I feel like, because our society is not what it once was, and you don't have the village to take care of the kids and help in that way. And then you're starting off depleted, like, my God, no wonder we're all burnt out. No wonder we all are suffering.
We're suffering. That's really what it comes down to, is we're suffering as mothers, and you don't deserve to. You don't need to. And that is not your natural state in the world, even though the world has told us that it should be. Yeah. And listen, despite all of the obstacles that we've just named and all of the things that make it a non-ideal situation for moms sometimes, the reality is that all of this is possible, and it's something that Victoria and I practice and perfect to varying degrees every single day in our life, right?
We are, just to set the tone, we are both sitting in our pajamas. It's 5:00 something in the morning. All of our four children and two husbands are asleep, and we're prioritizing this conversation because we think it's important. This is filling our cup today. This'll also bleed into having a cup of coffee before the hellions wake.
This'll bleed into being able to take care of ourselves a little bit more before we get to serve them. And that will serve them because in the future, they'll know, "Hey, it's okay to take care of myself and my body before I go play or before I go respond to that message in the future." So I think that we're doing great work just by putting mommy first.
We're actually healing future generations. And healing that mother wound, healing the jaded crone. How many jaded crones do we have in the world of moms that are suffering? You know, I... My dream is to have... Well, I don't wanna say no more jaded crones 'cause I feel like we need some, but you know, more healed crones than jaded crones moving forward.
If you are resonating with this conversation, if there is something in our words that have sparked something in you, please like, share, rate, review, have another woman, another mom listen to this podcast. You are not alone in the world. We are here to show you what's possible, show you that you're capable, show you that you deserve more, mama.
Thank you for being here with us. I'm sure we'll have another Dark Feminine Diaries episode real soon. Catch you soon, love. Till then, you first.