The Marriage365 Podcast

What if 60 seconds a day could help your spouse feel more loved, valued, and connected to you? In this episode, Casey and Meygan teach you how one simple technique can shift the way you show up for each other. You’ll learn how this small habit can interrupt negativity, strengthen emotional connection, and remind your partner that they matter to you. It's also great to do with your children!

Resources in this episode:
Download the 100 Words of Affirmation worksheet for free!
Book a coaching session with Casey, Meygan, or one of the Marriage365 coaches here.
Get access to videos, worksheets, challenges, and more free resources in Marriage365 membership.

Want more practical tools for your marriage? Follow Marriage365 on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.

Creators and Guests

Host
Casey Caston
Host
Meygan Caston

What is The Marriage365 Podcast?

The Marriage365 Podcast is hosted by marriage coaches Casey and Meygan Caston, who share honest conversations and practical tools you can use in your relationship today. Each episode is designed to help you communicate better, work through conflict, rebuild trust, deepen intimacy, and feel connected again.

Whether your marriage is thriving, struggling, or stuck in the roommate phase, you’ll walk away with clear, practical steps toward a healthier, stronger marriage.

Because a great marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built one choice, one conversation, and one day at a time.

Meygan:

When was the last time your spouse came up to you and said something that they love and appreciate about you out of the blue? And it really sucks when they don't do that. It's a horrible feeling because you feel like you put so much time and effort and attention into the relationship, and then they don't recognize it. So in this podcast, we're going be talking about words, showing appreciation and talking about the technique that kind of made us go viral over ten years ago. And it's powerful.

Casey:

It is. So we are Casey and Meygan Caston. We're founders of Marriage365, and we've been coaching and educating couples on how to create happy marriages for the past fifteen years. Now sometimes that's helping them heal from a pile of resentment, and sometimes it's just giving them those practical tools that brings more joy into their lives. I think basically, Meygan, we've cracked the code on how to make marriage easy.

Casey:

And in today's conversation, it's around communication. And here's probably the most common scenario and the way I like to describe it it's when the love notes turn into to do lists.

Meygan:

Oh gosh. I'm guilty of that.

Casey:

Yeah. So when we're dating, think about all the kind words that we share to towards each other. We're affirming each other. We're, you know, it's lovey dovey. And there's these love notes that we write towards each other.

Casey:

They're so full of positivity. But then we get married.

Meygan:

And then Then we get married.

Casey:

And then and then sad trombone. We get married.

Meygan:

And it's not a sad trombone, but it's the reality.

Casey:

The the... But the sad trombone comes from those those love notes that turn into just to do list. And that makes it feel very transactional because it's like, what are you doing? Where are you going? Who's taking the kids there?

Casey:

We gotta talk about budgets. We gotta talk about household chores. And so it's like this, the romantic language turns into very transactional language.

Meygan:

And transactional communication is essential. I mean, you're living with each other. We are parenting, we're managing our household. So it's part of marriage. And it is important to do that in a very healthy way.

Meygan:

But if that becomes your only form of communication, feels like, yeah, don't you see everything I do? And I need to know that you love me. Like, you haven't really said it. We kinda say like, I love you as like relieving. Yeah.

Meygan:

But it's not as powerful as what people are gonna listen to and...

Casey:

And that's when people feel more like we're not just lovers, we're roommates. Oh, for sure. Co parenting our kids and and I would say modern life is more busy than ever before. Mhmm. So it's like from one distraction to the next distraction, what gets lost is that sense of connection.

Casey:

That sense of like, I see you.

Meygan:

Yes. And also, I don't think that any of us are waking up in the day going, how do I not appreciation to my spouse? Like, no, we're not intentionally doing it. But it's like, yeah, you ask yourself, when was the last time I went and appreciated my spouse? When was the last time I heard something kind and loving Out of the blue, it's quite sad when you get the responses.

Meygan:

Specifically, we hear from couples that coach that we're coaching, right? And it's frustrating and it's very lonely and I'm excited everyone's listening into this.

Casey:

Yeah, our story, like when I think about the words we use when we're dating, we're we're laced with love and positivity and all hope and sunshine. And then when we've early on in our marriage, we got nasty really quick with each other with cussing and shaming and yelling and screaming and accusations.

Meygan:

I used to threaten divorce almost every time we got into an argument. Well, that's not fun.

Casey:

Correct. Yeah. And then when we started to heal our marriage, I'd say we did turn things around.

Meygan:

Mhmm.

Casey:

We lived through the two thousand eight financial crisis and there was a scramble of like, we're trying to pay off debt, trying to find employment and...

Meygan:

We were new parents at the same time too.

Casey:

New parents. So I would say that's when we kind of like fell back into a slump of like just doing life day to day and not really like... Because stress, right? Stress makes us selfish, I would probably say. Like, when we're under stress, we're not thinking of other people.

Meygan:

We're not thinking, gosh, I saw my spouse do this and I should show my appreciation for them. Yeah. It's not that we don't appreciate it, but we're not saying it.

Casey:

Well, even when we're preparing for this podcast, I was thinking about, like, I used to love write you postcards all the time in college.

Meygan:

Yes, you did.

Casey:

And I would leave them in your mailbox, you

Meygan:

remember? Mhmm.

Casey:

It was really cool actually because I I had a knack for finding vintage postcards and then writing something nice and neat and I was like, I don't know the last time I sent you a postcard so.

Meygan:

It's been a while. It's been a

Casey:

while.

Meygan:

Yeah and and again I go back to it's not that you're waking up intentionally thinking I'm not gonna send Meygan a postcard, It just happens. And that's why I'm hoping that anyone listening to this is thinking, this is my wake up call. Oh my gosh, they're talking about me. They're talking about my spouse. We've got solutions and we've got one particular solution.

Meygan:

And it's powerful.

Casey:

Tool really it. I just wanna make sure that people people understand the simplicity of this tool can sometimes feel underwhelming. It's like, oh, what? That's all you're gonna do? But wait till we show you the power behind that.

Casey:

And I'm actually wanna talk about the power of the words, right? Because we grew up with the the sticks and stones may break my bones.

Meygan:

But words may never hurt. Yeah. That's a bunch of boo hockey.

Casey:

Boo hockey.

Meygan:

Boo hockey.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

Words freaking hurt, man. And they sting and they and they stay with you.

Casey:

They do.

Meygan:

They really do.

Casey:

Yeah. You could say something to your spouse and it's kind of like an echo chamber in their house, their head where it does bounce all around. There's an ancient proverb that said that the the power is in the tongue. The words you choose give life or they give death and you get to choose that. That idea of like choosing your words carefully is so important.

Casey:

In our coaching, we talk a lot about the story we tell ourselves. Right? And we talk about this idea of making believe. Like, know, we grew up on those Disney cartoons of the the fairy tale make believe. Mhmm.

Casey:

Well, used words to create worlds.

Meygan:

Mhmm.

Casey:

Right? So when we make believe, we talk a lot with our couples like, if you're telling yourself a story that's negative about your spouse, you're gonna make believe a world. Mhmm. And even funny enough, make yourself believe that.

Meygan:

I don't know if it's funny. I just think that that's what happens. Yeah. It's actually really sad because it's it's one of those things where if I believe, oh, there's Casey again, he didn't take out the trash. Oh, he he he was too harsh with the kids.

Meygan:

And I start thinking and telling my story, you're my enemy. Yeah. You're not my friend. You're not my lover. You're not my best friend.

Meygan:

You're not my spouse. Then of course, I'm not gonna express words of appreciation.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

It's gonna be pointing out all the different things that you're not doing versus the things that you're doing that are good and great.

Casey:

What we just wanna really emphasize right now is is the power behind words. Mhmm. Right?

Meygan:

There is weight.

Casey:

There is with the words you use and kind of the world that you create around that. Mhmm. That you get to choose that actually. Mhmm. That's I think a lot of people feel that disempowerment like I'm stuck.

Casey:

Yeah. But we get to choose that and you know, I think about... I would actually just wanna check-in with the listeners here and say, maybe you need to just evaluate real quickly. Like what is the ratio of positive to negative? Is it ten ninety?

Casey:

Is it forty sixty? Like is it more negative than positive? Because most likely that that means that's kind of the feeling about the relationship. If it's more negative, you're gonna go, yeah, my marriage is more negative.

Meygan:

Okay. I'd even say that same question, transactional versus loving. So how much of your communication and your interactions with your spouse are transactional chores, bills, housework versus, Hey, I love you. And I think you look gorgeous. And I think that your butt sexy, like how much of the things that you're saying are actually loving and kind and appreciative.

Meygan:

You could do the same question with that as well. Yeah. Because maybe you're not speaking mean words to each other because I know a lot of couples I work with, they're actually very kind people with their words. However, it's all roommate transactional. So they can kind of find yourself in maybe a different camp there too.

Casey:

Now there is research around that ratio by the way Mhmm. That there needs to be five positive interactions to everyone. So

Meygan:

Negative. Yeah.

Casey:

You have to be over indexing on that positivity if you, like, wanna have a happy marriage.

Meygan:

Isn't it true that with parenting, it's 10 in one? Right? And marriage, it's five in one, I think.

Casey:

I I stick to marriage, not parenting.

Meygan:

Wait. It's not parenting three six five? There's a reason for that.

Casey:

Oh, boy.

Meygan:

Yeah. It's coming our case.

Casey:

A future episode

Meygan:

coming We're our going through a lot right now. Anyways, I want to just share and be vulnerable. And we've had so many conversations about this where I am very blunt. I am very forward. I'm an Enneagram eight.

Meygan:

I like truth. Yeah. And those are good qualities, but I'll never forget when you came up to me and you're like, I feel like you have a sword and you're just like stabbing me all over my body when you open your mouth.

Casey:

I know. I remember exactly where we were walking in the neighborhood when I said that. I remember that.

Meygan:

It's Really poignant. It's true. It's true. And because I've always lived by the mantra of like words don't matter, actions mean more. And while I still believe that there's truth in that, our words do matter and they do cut.

Meygan:

And especially for the listener where you married someone with the love language of words of affirmation, which is you. They have even more weight and more meaning behind words. And so lean into this if you married someone with words of affirmation. All right. So I want to just quickly talk about assumptions because I think that most of us assume our spouse knows we love them.

Meygan:

I'm here. I'm not leaving the marriage. I show up. We parent together, we pay bills together. I rubbed her back last night.

Meygan:

Like, you know, that I care about you. You know, I think you're a hard worker. And I want to say to you, they probably don't know. And even if they do know, they still need to hear it. And I remember going to you and I remember telling you, maybe this was like ten years ago, like, you know how sexy you are.

Meygan:

Right. And do you remember you were like, I mean, I need to hear it again. Like, I need to hear it. Like, I question, like, if you're not initiating sex or like, you don't say it, like, I do wonder, does she still find me attractive over after twenty five years? And that really hit me.

Meygan:

And I remember that story because I assumed, well, of course he knows I'm attracted to him, but you didn't know. Yeah. And so we have to make sure that we're not allowing silence to fill ourselves with doubt because that's what happens. If you, if you make assumptions and you don't point out the good, your spouse is left to have their mind wander. Do they find me attractive?

Meygan:

Do they see how hard I worked? Do they see that every day I do laundry? I mean, if no one's saying anything, you don't know.

Casey:

Well, and we all have insecurities. There's nobody that's 100% secure. We all have these doubts, these value judgments that we make upon ourselves that I'm not good enough, I'm not loving enough or I'm not a good dad or I'm not a hard worker or, you know, I should be somewhere else and I'm here in this part of my life. And so all of those insecurities kind of bounce around in your head, They are composed of words. So we're giving words to them.

Casey:

And there's something actually something really powerful about you be... You as a partner speaking into your spouse's life and saying, no, you are a great dad. You are a hard worker that combats the negative energy that insecurities create in our life. So again, your words have the power to heal.

Meygan:

Heal. Yes. Love connect. Even like the biggest childhood traumas that your parents said to you, right? Yeah.

Meygan:

That your spouse has the ability to fix that.

Casey:

We've coached that. Oh, there's a couple people I'm thinking about.

Meygan:

I know. I wonder if you're thinking the same person

Casey:

I I am. Yep. Because it was so poignant what his parents said

Meygan:

Said to him.

Casey:

About his weight and his smarts Yep. And and everything else. He was And that story stood out for both you and I.

Meygan:

That that was a ten year ago marriage intensive. And that story broke our heart because parents made fun of his weight. He wasn't the the the the brother and the son that

Casey:

they wanted him to be compared to

Meygan:

the other brother that had the perfect body and the straight As and man, did the parents let him know that.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

And he carried that into his marriage. Yeah. His wife never made him feel that way. Correct. But she was what the tool we're gonna teach you.

Meygan:

She had the power and the ability to actually speak in those and speak truth and life to those.

Casey:

And and the further background to that story was all the ways that he compensated in his life because of the words that were spoken over him, which is great because today he is like at the top of his field of what he does. I know. He's incredibly successful.

Meygan:

They're still married. They're happily married.

Casey:

And I just we kind of came at this powerful intersection. That was a very poignant story of how words spoken over someone kind of like created all of this dysfunction.

Meygan:

Okay. So now we get to teach the sixty second blessing. It's the sixty second blessing. That's the technique you're gonna learn. Yes.

Meygan:

I'm so excited. Yes. We said sixty seconds. That's it. One minute.

Casey:

Yep. Okay. So what happens is the way we kinda like to instruct couples to do this is, have each person write down five or to six qualities that they love about their spouse. Sometimes it's hard if this is your first time like just coming off the top of your head. So you just need a moment to process.

Casey:

But this is writing down those attributes, the actions.

Meygan:

The things you love and appreciate about your spouse.

Casey:

Yeah. The things that maybe even turn you on, the things that were attracted to when they were... You first got together as a couple. What you do then next is each person's gonna get sixty seconds as a turn to then voice them out. Now we encourage, don't just read your list, embellish a little bit.

Casey:

Right?

Meygan:

Yeah. Go ahead. Sorry.

Casey:

Yeah. Well, was just gonna say embellish on it and it's amazing actually because when we will lead couples in this, it takes them longer than sixty seconds to be actually be able to get all of those words out. And then what happens is after one partner one is done, partner two returns the favor and does the sixty

Meygan:

second And read their own list. It's, it's, I think writing them down really helps because, you know, we don't have to write them down anymore. We can just do it on the spot, but we've been doing this for over fifteen years. So you can maybe move to that. But I do think like taking the time actually starts changing your heart, softening hearts.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

And it forces you to point out the good and look for the good, like seek the good in your spouse. And it's really neat to see the stories that come out and people kind of giggle and go, oh my gosh, I love it when you do this because we've seen thousands of couples do the sixty second blessing to one another. And, and there is a beautiful thing. And so we're going to say, put away your phones, know, turn off the TV, turn off distractions, try to like be present when you're reading the list. It's sixty seconds.

Meygan:

So it's a two minute habit, a two

Casey:

minute habit.

Meygan:

And I just want to read this list. This is actually from our book, The Marriage Habit, which we talk about 10 different habits. This is by far one of the most popular ones, but a lot of times people ask us, well, like, what if you can't think of anything? So let me give you some prompts that will help you write down five, six, or seven things you love about your spouse. Okay.

Meygan:

Compliment a physical trait, appreciate a role they play and their family work or community point out a unique trait of theirs. Notice what makes them unique, reflect back a strength of theirs, comment on how they make you feel, tell them what you enjoy about them and name something positive about their character, personality, appearance, parenting, work ethic, effort, or accomplishments. That just gave you probably a 100 ideas of things that you could write down.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

And I actually, we always say in Marriage365 specific is terrific. Not just, I think you're attractive to get specific. What are the physical attributes and features that turn you on that you think are beautiful or handsome?

Casey:

So immediately delete nice, kind, and caring.

Meygan:

Yes.

Casey:

Because you can get a puppy that's nice, kind, and caring.

Meygan:

Yes. Yes. And if you say I think you're kind and here's why and you have a story where you want to say, the other day, there was a stranger and you were so kind and you paid for their coffee drink. That is so kind of you. That's okay.

Meygan:

And that's what we mean by embellishing.

Casey:

Like, do we have a tool

Meygan:

for everybody? So one of the things we wanted to give everybody, and we're going to put it in the show notes is a free worksheet where we give a 100 examples of words of affirmation. So you can literally copy and paste them and send it in a text or add them to your next sixty second plus. A 100 words of affirmation examples. Yeah.

Meygan:

We give you so many ideas.

Casey:

That means if you used only five Mhmm. You would have twenty straight days of new affirmations to connect And to your

Meygan:

it's free.

Casey:

I was gonna do four but then my mind did not catch up with me.

Meygan:

Well, you're not a math person. Well, actually both of us aren't math people. That's okay. Yeah. So that's the sixty second blessing.

Meygan:

It's it's beautiful, you know?

Casey:

Okay. So let's talk about why this works. So now you know that this... What the tool is, let's talk about why this is so powerful and this is actually my favorite points that I wanna note because again, you may think sixty seconds, that's it? That's all I'm saying?

Casey:

Mhmm. This is why it's so important. First of all, it removes the we're too busy to connect excuse. We

Meygan:

don't have time.

Casey:

We don't have time. If you have two minutes to doom scroll or to shop, to do whatever it is, you can absolutely do this tool. Okay? Second of all, I I think it... Like you were mentioning, it's very specific.

Casey:

And again, like we don't just say you're a great dad but man, I noticed how patient you were with the kids last night. I appreciate the way you read so animated, you know, the the kids book to them. So that's really powerful. This one though may top the list and that is it's intentional. Okay.

Casey:

We are creating space and time to be intentional, to be proactive in our relationship, to speak those words, to choose the the right words that we want over our relationship. When I think of that sense of being intentional, we... I kinda joke with my couples because I always say, this is making love. And they're like

Meygan:

What?

Casey:

What are you talking about? No. We're making something that was not there Mhmm. And in the space of two minutes, we made something and we actually made love.

Meygan:

Yes.

Casey:

So I think that is really powerful especially for couples out there listening where you're feeling maybe dry. Maybe the the relationship's a little boring. Again,

Meygan:

roommate style like this upset. You're like, oh, that's right. We still like each other. We still see each other.

Casey:

Because the core of marriage is about building your friendship and trust. And there's nothing more powerful than showing up for each other with intentionality. That's trust. And then reminding each other of all the great qualities, which is friendship. Because that's what you do with your friends too.

Meygan:

You wanna... No one would get married if it wasn't enjoyable. Yeah. I also wanna add. So obviously it works too if one of you or both of you have words of affirmation as your love language.

Meygan:

Also, want to say physical touch because when you're together in person doing it, you can like put your hand on their leg, or you can hold hands or making eye contact and quality time. If you have the love language of quality time, I know it's only two minutes and you're like, I could do this for twenty hours, quality timers, but this is very dedicated, intentional quality time. And I want to add one more thing. If you travel or your first responders or military, this is one of those techniques. I think this is why it went viral is anyone can do it.

Meygan:

We're wiping away any excuse. It's free. It's literally free. It doesn't cost anything.

Casey:

So do we talk about leaving voice memos?

Meygan:

So you can text it, you can email it, you can say it over FaceTime, you can do voice. Yes, you can you can literally do it on any channel and platform. And this is where I would say use technology to your advantage. Yeah. Like if you're not going to see each other because your shifts are different or whatever you're traveling, you can do a sixty second blessing.

Meygan:

And I know when we coach couples and they travel for work, this is one of the strategies we give them is you need to do a daily sixty second blessing. So you're still connected when you're traveling.

Casey:

Yeah. But we do get some objections.

Meygan:

We do. So let's talk about some of those objections. A lot of people say it feels awkward. I'm uncomfortable. And we would say to that, yes, because sometimes things in marriage are uncomfortable.

Meygan:

And the first time you do a few things, it is awkward. Yeah. It actually gets more natural and easier.

Casey:

Which which is kind of hard to hear as an excuse because why should it feel awkward to say what you love about your partner unless it's been so long

Meygan:

Yes.

Casey:

That you haven't shared that appreciation just that you're like, oh, this is new.

Meygan:

I'm just gonna point this Anything

Casey:

new is awkward.

Meygan:

I was just gonna say, if you've ever tried a new sex position, it's a bit uncomfortable and awkward at first and you're like, do I like this? I don't know. So I, we tell couples, you have to try it for at least five to 10 times before you before you say no. And if it's awkward in person, that's what we're saying then send it in a text because something's better than nothing.

Casey:

Here's what I hear from wives a lot of times is like, well, you're forcing my husband to do this so it feels fake. And we always encourage, we get like, this is what your husband invented and created and thought of of who you are and your appreciation. We didn't tell him what to say.

Meygan:

What to write down. I think it's interesting you said that the woman complained cause I feel like I get more complaints from husbands. Like this feels so forced. It should be organic. That's interesting.

Casey:

Forced, forced from him that like, oh, that he's doing it.

Meygan:

No, that like he's

Casey:

receiving it.

Meygan:

No, he or yeah, that he has to do it. Like this feels so forced. Like shouldn't this be organic? And I'm like, everything we would love everything in life to be organic. However...

Casey:

Well, okay. So the reason why I said a lot of wives because there's kind of that prevailing myth. Well, it should just feel organic.

Meygan:

Well, that's what I'm saying the husband say to me. So it's interesting that your clients say that. And I would say I get more kickback from the husbands.

Casey:

Oh, okay.

Meygan:

Well, so same issue. Yeah. Is this feels forced? And what we would say to that is, okay, well then how are you organically going to compliment and love and appreciate? And if you are doing that organically, then guess what?

Meygan:

You don't need the sixty second blessing.

Casey:

And if you were organically just making love all the time throughout the day, you wouldn't be in coaching.

Meygan:

You wouldn't need to be coached. Exactly. Okay. So I think, we kind of already talked about this barrier or hesitation, but what if we run out of things to say, but that's what we have the 100 words of affirmation for you.

Casey:

Okay. But can I come back to

Meygan:

that? Yes.

Casey:

I love when you tell me that I'm a great den. Because I think there's there's a constant chronic fear that I'm not doing enough or I'm not consistent enough or I'm missing out.

Meygan:

Mhmm.

Casey:

And so when you when you say that to me Mhmm. That builds a lot of confidence by the way. Like that level of confidence like, okay. So... And it helps me analyze like, okay.

Casey:

So I'm in my head right now telling myself a story that I'm not a great dad, but Meygan sees that I am a good dad. We're good to go.

Meygan:

Yeah. What you're saying is I've told you you're a great dad, a wonderful dad, given you lots of examples, dozens, dozens of times Mhmm. And you're not sick of

Casey:

it. No.

Meygan:

So I also... Yeah. To the person who's thinking, what if we run out of things? Then it's okay to repeat things, maybe add some new embellishments or stories where you see it in action.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

But yeah, if you're a parent and you're complimenting their parenting, you've got... You should have stories every day, every week

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

To back that up.

Casey:

Again, I think what you said though is when we constantly come back to the same things

Meygan:

Mhmm.

Casey:

You're forcing yourself to look at the good. Mhmm. That's only reinforcing neuroplasticity Mhmm. To say like, I'm gonna focus on the good parts

Meygan:

Yes.

Casey:

Of our relationship about the bad things.

Meygan:

Okay. Another, just objection is what if my spouse can't take a compliment? So here I am, I'm reading my list of things I love about them. And they're like, ah, I can't believe you wrote that down. What you think that of me?

Meygan:

And we've seen this in real, in real time. And what we would say is there's actually a rule to the sixty second blessing. And that is when you are in the position of receiving it, you have to sit and listen and not say anything. And that's hard because if you're insecure and you don't believe that you're a good mom, you don't believe you're beautiful. I have women all the time.

Meygan:

They can't accept it. It's like it doesn't sink in because they don't believe it. So this is hard, but I

Casey:

would They're like say shooting it down. As it comes down. That's

Meygan:

questioning. Yeah. You're questioning that. You pitch that one. I've seen people judge what their spouse writes down.

Meygan:

And the rule is, listen, your spouse wrote these things down, don't judge them, accept them and believe them

Casey:

Mhmm.

Meygan:

That they think these things of you.

Casey:

Yeah. Now, I wanna actually wanna speak to this the listener out there that is maybe in a one-sided marriage where they're like, I love this idea, but my partner won't do it. And we have a foundational truth here at Marriage365 which is if you wanna make a better marriage, it starts by making a better you. Mhmm. So when you can actually show up and do something like this as a powerful tool to speak positivity in your relationship.

Casey:

You know, if marriage is a dance, you're changing the dance and your partner's gonna have to kinda, you know, adjust and go, woah, okay. So we're doing something different now. And I just wanna speak courage into your heart like if you're listening to this and you're like, oh my god, this is... I don't know how this is gonna land. I'm afraid This gonna feel awkward.

Meygan:

Mhmm.

Casey:

I wanna speak courage into your heart that you would take that time and maybe the first time just needs to be a voice memo so you're not staring your partner at the face. But I wanna encourage you, this is a powerful weapon in your toolbar box or your arsenal of being able to create change in your relationship by showering it with positivity. So if you're like, if you're feeling the fear, I'm gonna say feel the fear and do it anyways.

Meygan:

And then I'm gonna add to that and do it because that's what healthy spouses do. That's what happy spouses do. They speak love and appreciation. So go into it and do the sixty second blessing, knowing you're not probably going to get anything back. But however, you're modeling for them.

Meygan:

This is what I want us to move towards. This is the dance I want to start dancing. The one of love connection and positivity. Love am sorry, but they're, they're not going to get mad at you. No.

Meygan:

They're, they're, it's actually going to keep defenses down. I mean, they may question like, where'd this come from? Just be like, I just thought of you. And I wanted to give you some appreciation because you deserve it, babe. And I would challenge you to do it as often as you can even if they don't reply back.

Casey:

I loved what you said and it kinda got snuck in there. So I just wanna point it out is reset your expectation that your partner may not respond at all or be like, thanks. But the consistence... Consistency of consistently doing Yes. Too many s's in those words.

Casey:

But continually showing up like that and doing that tool, doing the work of marriage, I think is powerful.

Meygan:

What do you think about... I know this wasn't planned, but what do you think about if we do our sixty second blessing?

Casey:

Oh, we're in need of one.

Meygan:

I know I was gonna I was gonna say we we haven't done one in a while.

Casey:

Yeah. We're in need of one.

Meygan:

And we're in a tough season right now.

Casey:

Yeah. I was gonna say tough season. Yeah. Like that to me is.

Meygan:

Yeah. Yeah. Our adult daughter is moving out. And, there's more to that story. I'm sure eventually at some point, but, it's not on good conditions.

Meygan:

So yeah, it's been a rough few weeks. Well, what do you think? Well, now we're not going to time her. I don't want to time ourselves. When we do this with coaching couples, or when we do this at marriage retreats, we actually put a timer on and it's really just to show people how fast sixty seconds goes.

Meygan:

And I should add, I guess the other suggested quote unquote rule is if you finish before sixty seconds, then just stare at each other.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

Yeah. But sixty seconds is like a guideline, but it's not if listen, a thirty second blessing is better than no blessing. Yeah. A five minute blessing is better than no blessing. So it doesn't...

Meygan:

It's sixty seconds is just to kinda coin it as it's a minute for each of you a day.

Casey:

And honestly, probably one out of 50 people that we've done this and facilitated with this have run out of have run out of things to say before the time's up. Yeah. Everybody goes over. Yeah. Because once you once you get into it, it actually feels good.

Meygan:

Yeah. And you see your spouse's response, you're

Casey:

like, Making love feels good.

Meygan:

Yeah. Alright. So let's do our sixty second blessing. Okay.

Casey:

So I'm gonna point out something I don't think I have. I'm gonna lead off with something I haven't pointed out in a long time. I love your minimalism. Right? I have been to many houses that are so cluttered and I love coming back.

Casey:

It creates less stress and I can see actually through minimalism how how organized you are and that reduction of stress everybody in this house feels it. Right? Less clutter, less stress. So I love that. I love how competitive we are.

Casey:

Like from cornhole to pickleball to rummy. I love that like the way you show up competitively means that I'm like meeting someone my equal and I appreciate that and you don't just like, you know, fall over just go, oh, I just give up. You will fight to the end.

Meygan:

Yes. It

Casey:

means... It actually expresses you mean like you... This is meaningful for you. Your wisdom, I know you invest daily in Proverbs and you fill your mind with wisdom and knowledge. But the way that comes out for those around you from your friendships to parenting, to me, to your clients, you are a very wise person and that also makes you a great mother.

Casey:

You are a great mom. I didn't get that example and now it's something I get to see in you every single day. I appreciate the laundry you did today and I I love that. That's an act of service that I need to acknowledge more.

Meygan:

Thank you, babe. Trying to kiss there across the table. Alright my turn. I love your sense of humor. You make me laugh.

Meygan:

I often say it my life is never boring And I love that we get to laugh together and that you have such a great sense of humor and you can even laugh at yourself. That's a very... I feel like it's a rare trait these days. I feel like people take things so seriously. And I love that you can take things seriously, but you also have a place where like, we just need to laugh this off.

Meygan:

We just need to have a fun. And you're really, really good at that. It's very attractive quality about you. I am grateful that you take care of your body, that you work out, you are active, you're not lazy physically. I know you want to look good for yourself, but I know that you also do it because you want to look good for me in the bedroom.

Meygan:

And I am grateful for that. I love when I see your shirts and you're like muscles are bulging out. I'm like, damn, man, this is he's a good looking guy. It's he's mine. So again, I think you're sexy.

Meygan:

And I want you to know it. I do think you're an incredible father. And I think from how far you've come and what you've had to learn and the kids that God gave us, they're hard. And I feel like you do a very good job about navigating it with a balance of fun and discipline and wisdom and life skills, all of that. It's you're, you're a really good dad and the kids are very blessed and fortunate, even if one of them doesn't feel like it.

Meygan:

Don't don't let the haters hate. And I also, I think it's, I want to point out to you, you are more of an emotional guy and I'm really grateful that you don't feel insecure to show those emotions. I mean, I know, you know, you're not afraid to cry and you don't make fun of other men that are emotional and you actually embrace it. And there are things I can tell like that choke you up or you really do like, you're the guy who loves love and you love marriage. And with that comes a lot of emotions.

Meygan:

And I think that it's definitely something I don't really point out to you often because I am less emotional. I more lead with my head and my gut and you lead with your heart. And I think that that's a not only did God make you that way, but I think I need to be better at pointing it out to you that it's a really good thing because I know that there's a lot of women I coach that would give anything to have their husband be more emotional and be comfortable talking about their emotions. So thank you for being that guy. And I also really like your hair.

Meygan:

You have good hair. You you have a good head of hair on that scalp of yours and I like it.

Casey:

Oh, thank you, babe. I appreciate that. And I... As words of affirmation person, that actually fills up my love tank quite a bit.

Meygan:

For how long?

Casey:

Oh, that's a... It's a great question. Until later tonight.

Meygan:

Until later tonight. Yeah. Because I was gonna say like you... I could do this to you every day because your words are mission. I feel like I don't need it daily.

Meygan:

No. But it but it's not to say that it doesn't mean anything to me because it absolutely does.

Casey:

Well, and I would say that this this tool strategically is incredibly powerful for... If you're looking to heal your marriage right before a date night, right before sex

Meygan:

Yes.

Casey:

In the midst of a tough season like what we're going through. I think it... It's not as powerful. I mean, you're doing well and you're humming along and you're finding connection. Mhmm.

Casey:

But I will say, we do the sixty second blessing every single event that we we speak at. We teach it and then we have, we model it and then we show people how... Actually give them the time to do it right there in that room and I'll never forget the one story and I know you're gonna know exactly which one I'm talking about.

Meygan:

Is it the man that's been married forty years?

Casey:

Yeah. Yep. And it was wild to think so he came up after the sixty second blessing and he said,

Meygan:

I've been married for forty years.

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

That was the first time I've ever heard my wife say something positive to me. I didn't even know that she thought those things about me. He said, I love her. Oh, and he was she's wonderful. We we've had a beautiful family.

Meygan:

We have wonderful grandchildren, but she doesn't speak words of affirmation to me. She shows her love in many other ways, but that is my love language and I feel like that filled me up for the next forty years.

Casey:

And he was fighting back. Yeah. Fighting back so many tears. It was crazy. Yeah.

Casey:

So here's what we wanna end with is just a challenge. Okay? I wanna challenge you whether you get to do this with your partner or you're doing this on your own.

Meygan:

Mhmm.

Casey:

To do this for seven days.

Meygan:

Seven days in a row.

Casey:

Which means I'm gonna encourage you, don't just listen to this episode and go, okay, I'll try to remember that tomorrow. Put this as a reminder on your phone Mhmm. As a calendar event, whatever it is, and husbands out there listening, I wanna challenge you to... You be the initiator on this. Amen.

Meygan:

Week if you out of the blue came up and said, I learned this thing about the sixty second blessing. Or if you don't even say it's a sixty second blessing and you just say, hey, sit down, babe. I wanna tell you five things I love about you. You are gonna score so many points. You're gonna rebuild trust.

Meygan:

You are gonna make your wife remember why she fell in love with you.

Casey:

Then maybe maybe later that night, you'll be able to make more love.

Meygan:

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Can I also add something to this? Yeah.

Meygan:

Would encourage any one of you listening that's a parent. You can do the sixty second blessing with your kids. And whether you are a new mom and you have a newborn, you look into that baby's little sweet face when you're bottle feeding or breastfeeding, and you speak those words over your baby, or you have pre teens and teenagers where they are being marketed to, and they are being told you are not enough. You don't have what it takes. Speak against that.

Meygan:

And you shower them with that love and affection and encouragement and point out you are so smart. You are so creative. You are so funny. They need to hear it more than just a couple of times. And as a family, you can do this.

Meygan:

You can sit around the table. We've done this with our kids for years. We're all going to go around and give every single person a sixty second blessing. And then bonus points on top of that.

Casey:

Woah.

Meygan:

If you have adult children that are out of the house, send a text message, send a voice text. It is never too late. Even if you're not talking to them, they're not talking to you. They're busy. And you're like, I don't think that they'd like this.

Meygan:

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Because what I want you to think about is what if your mom or your dad randomly called you or texted you and told you five to seven things that they loved about you, it would mean the world to you. So do it with your adult child.

Casey:

I have a voice memo, voicemail from three years ago that I will not delete because one of our parents called and left me a message saying how proud they were of me, their love for me and some other attributes which was somewhat of a sixty second blessing coming my and I just I cannot delete it. I will not delete it.

Meygan:

Yes. And then I have another bonus bonus bonus.

Casey:

Okay. Okay. Bonus bonus bonus.

Meygan:

Yes. You should be doing the sixty second blessing in front of your children to your spouse. Oh, yeah. Because this is something like our children as they're becoming into adulthood, right? They think that this is normal.

Meygan:

They think that this is what all families do. And we have to tell them, just so you know, like you weren't raised in a normal home. This is actually what families, a lot of families don't do these things. However, so when you're looking for a partner one day, when you're looking for a spouse, you're going to get to teach them the sixty second blessing. Yeah.

Meygan:

And it's really neat to see like as our daughters dated many different people, she has taught them this sixty second blessing. She's taught them things like the four step apology. And that's what I love about so many of the habits and techniques that we have at Marriage365, where they don't just translate into marriage. When's the last time you told your best friend the things that you love about them or your sister or your mom?

Casey:

Or your employees.

Meygan:

I was gonna say, or your employees. Like, again, we become so transactional, But when do we do that? What on a birthday card once a year?

Casey:

Yeah.

Meygan:

Make it more than that. Like, like, imagine the different kind of positivity. Okay, I have a quick story to share. Sorry, another one. Because I just I just thought

Casey:

of it. Are you gonna do a bonus bonus bonus bonus?

Meygan:

I'm gonna do a bonus. So I was at Starbucks. This was a long time ago because I don't like Starbucks anymore. Sorry, Starbucks, but I don't like you. Okay.

Casey:

You burn your beans.

Meygan:

Yes. But this was this was many years ago. And I remember I could tell that the girl, the barista was very down. She just seemed off and it's like our local Starbucks. And I remember going up to her and I just felt prompted probably by the holy spirit to say, Hey, you know what?

Meygan:

You need to compliment this girl. And she had the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever... I love you, baby. You have blue eyes. This girl's eyes were even bluer and prettier than yours.

Meygan:

So I went up to her and I said, oh, I ordered my drink. And I said, I just want to tell you, you have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. And she started to cry and I felt bad at work. And she's like, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that today. She came around the corner and she gave me a hug and she then shared with me.

Meygan:

I'll never forget. I was in Redlands. I will never forget what, like where this came from on the way to Redlands. And she said, I almost quit my job today. My boyfriend broke up with me and I just felt like I haven't heard a positive thing in so long.

Meygan:

So thank you for that. And I share that story, not to toot my own horn like, Oh, I did something, but I go back to, this is going back to why are we doing the sixty second blessing? Let's land the plane here. Words have power and they can give life or they can give death And you get to make that choice and you have so much influence and impact in people's lives, including your spouse, including your children, and including the people around you. And if this world is missing anything, it is happiness and positivity.

Meygan:

And this is one way of many ways that you can bring

Casey:

it. I could say the exact same thing. Our world is filled with negative algorithms, words, vitriolic hatred, judgment, the the left or the right or the black or the white and we're we're just firing off all these words that are very very, like you said Negative. Very negative. So Critical.

Casey:

Like think about like the flower that's blooming in the middle of the the war field, you know, it's this this positivity. It's like, oh my gosh, that's beautiful. And the contrast by the way Mhmm. Because everything's so negative to be so bright is so powerful. So with that being said, we're gonna we are gonna land the plane.

Casey:

Know, there's a lot of people that ask us all the time like, can we work with you guys in coaching and here's the truth, Meygan and I actually only have twenty four hours in a day.

Meygan:

And for me, nine of those are sleeping.

Casey:

Yeah, exactly. So we cannot personally coach with every single person who needs us, who's longing for us and there's a lot of need out there. So we did something better actually, is we built a coaching team where we trained our coaches, The Marriage365 way. We've trained them with every tool that we teach our other... There are clients that we work with and these are not just coaches, these are coaches we would trust with their own marriage.

Meygan:

These are the people that we call when we're struggling.

Casey:

Yeah. So they know how to help couples get rid of that pile of resentment. They know how to help people heal from the wounds of the past rather than just talking about it and talking about it because there's so many stories of of couples getting stuck in couples therapy that's not producing the results. And that's one of the things we love doing as an organization and as a mission is helping couples achieve that happy marriage that they long for. So if you want more information about that, visit marriage365.com to get started today.