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Flip the Script with Vic is a sacred space for real conversations with real women 🩷 Hosted by Victoria Nielsen—intuitive healer, mama, and space-holder for the divine feminine—this podcast amplifies women’s voices through raw interviews, intimate solocasts, and unfiltered conversations on motherhood, mysticism, psychedelics, ancestral healing, spirituality, identity, and more.
What began as a personal exploration is now a communal prayer: a gathering place for cycle-breakers, mothers, mystics, creatives, witches, and wild ones redefining what it means to be a woman in today’s world.
Every episode is an invitation to remember that your voice matters. That your truth matters. Together, we walk in beauty, become the prayer, and flip the script.
All right,Yay,Welcome back to another episode of Flip the Script with Vic.I'm so excited to be here.Every time I do these intros, I feel like I want to be like. this is my favorite person ever, because each woman has changed my life in such meaningful ways,And the woman I have on today isBijou. Feeney has truly changed my life with just her energy and her magnetism, and has been such a permission slip for me to be my full fuck. yes, self. so I'm so excited to have her on the podcast to share. oh, Bijou, you're my fairy godmother. that's what I tell everyone. yes, that my life completes.That's what I've always wanted to be.Yeah, you really are.But beyond my fairy godmother, you're also a coach and a wonderful human.I'll let you introduce yourself in your ownOh, okay,That's fun.I haven't had to do that in a while.I am,um, having a lot of fun with life right now, and um, i'm going down rabbit holes like i never have before, and that's saying a lot, because i mean it's been a lifetime of rabbit holes. but yeah, i just i.I think that life is so interesting and there are so many incredible facets and so many fun ways to play with people and to help people and to heal people and expand with people.One of the majority or the major ways that I do is with like plantmedicine, facilitation, but also like sex, love and relationship work and money work, because those are always the vessels that carry all those wounds and programs and those things that, if we do optimize, our life is so much better. so yeah, I just get to likehave really cool conversations with people and do really cool in-person retreats, and I get to travel and learn and explore, and it's fully in alignment with my chart. for sure.I feel like I'm in a good place because naturally I've gravitated towards that.But then, when you get to like see your human design and astrology chart, you're like, I think I'm on the right track.I think I am doing the right thing.Wait a second.Every single Sagittarius meme I ever find I send to Bijou, because she is such a Sag to a T. But I need that fire,My chart, and this is something actually I learned from Bijou like. I don't have a lot of fire in my chart.So it's really nice becauseyou bring out that playful side of me, that fiery side of me that i think society has really said you know you're too much or don't do that or don't wear that. and i remember when we first became friends like you really were just the permission slip to like, wear whatever i wantedand to be more in that maiden energy.But I know that's not the energy that you've always been in.And I think the trajectory of your life and the transformation of your life is such a good allegory for what you bring people through.Because we were talking before we hit record. Bijou used to be very different than Bijou is today.have been friends with the other person in Bijou,I wouldn't be friends with myself from the past,But I love that, like. very candidly you can say thatAnd you're like I love her.That's great,But she's dead and buried things.Yeah, I mean I lay roses at her feet because she was just a product of her environment, which I think a lot of us are especially growing up, whereI love the area that I grew up in.It was very, I mean it has its beautiful sides, for sure, but it also has its shadow, like everyone and everywhere does.And there was a lot of like avoidance, a lot of alcoholism, a lot of racism, a lot of just likejudgment. i mean you can see that all over the united states, um but but i i just i didn't know any better. you don't know what you don't know and you kind of model and mirror the people around you and um, i i kind of took on, i think, a lot of fearwhich was, uh, kind of sent me into looking for lessons or looking for teachings or looking for answers that made me feel like i was in control of life, which i think a lot of my choices you can. now i can see right hindsight's. 20 20. you can see that i was like,didn't want to go to hell and I didn't want to be on the wrong side of the fence, and I didn't want to like ruffle the feathers and I don't want to like break the rules, and I wanted to be the good girl, and it just it just wears on you.Well, cause we're told that's the exact thing we're told right,Like be the good girl, go to school, get the good grades, like follow this very linear path,And then you will get this outside success,You will get this outside happiness.But first of all, you know, females aren't linear,We're secular.And actually, that thing of success outside of us, you know, doesn't fulfill anythingus inwardly.And I know you've had different versions of success throughout your life. but what is success to you now?And how is that different, maybe, than what it was before?oh gosh, success. uh, before was all about external validation. and like do i? do i seem successful enough? do i have enough accolades? like, do can i present myself in a way that makes people think that i have my life together and,um, that that is fully a recipe to not be like fulfilled? um, and so like. that was wild for me to try that hard and to hustle that hard and to work that hard to then get to a place where, uhyeah, I had that validation or I had like that facade, and then it not feel like this, is it?This is what I'm supposed to be feeling right now,Like it was really interesting,A very big ego death, a very bigjust shift in my perception.And now I would say it's a lot more like: how do I feel inside?Do I have freedom?Do I have a sense of safety?Do I have a sense of community?Do I get to adventure and play?And like that's gonna. I mean those are my values now.So if it doesn't align with those, I kind of don't.I don't have a taste for it right now, at least in this point in my life.Yeah,Which again, I think, shows the transformation and the healing journey that you have been on to be able to so authenticallyembody those values that they're so you and that they're threaded throughout your business, your life, your everything. because kind of what we were saying earlier too, is like that spiritual awakening or that energy doesn't just infiltrate you. it's your business, it's your life, it's your goals, it's your purpose, it's all the things, and thesooner that we can realize they're so tied together, the better off we're going to be, because we're going to see then that like, oh, this is a lesson that's showing us something over hereAnd coming back to kind of that success and the trajectory of the business like. we've talked a lot of business on your podcast, because we have Queen of Hearts together.But I think for me, the biggest eye opener over the last couple of years has beenpleasure and how that relates to literally everything,And I know that that is like at the core of a lot of what you do.How did you get to that place?As I think about Bijou- and you can share more of your story, but thinking of the younger version of Bijou that was so full of fear and did things so straight, laced.And then you have kind of masculine business, Bijou, that maybe was doing all the outside successful things but wasn't feeling good in her body.And now you havethe embodied version of Bijou.Was pleasure a thing that helped like thread you through those transformations, or did pleasure come later?I just couldn't help but look at my parts while you were saying thatFor people who are interested or have heard of parts, work. I think that's what astrology is to me.It's just naming my parts.I have a Sag stellium.I have Sag in MercuryI talk like a Sag.I show up like a Sag.I have Capricorn rising, so I'm very interested in business.And then it was just like meeting all of my parts and refining all of my parts.But one of my main parts is Scorpio Venus, which can be a block.It can be a journey to understand all of that.And I definitely had early onset sexuality-I don't know how typical it is for different people,But definitely feelings and thoughts at a young age, but like all kinds of thoughts and feelings-And I think that that's what was so interesting- is like. my parents actually did not try to mold me or conform me at all.They were actually quite hippie.They were like: go, do whatever you want.Yeah,And also like. I think that's why I searched outthe wound to help me transmute the lesson that I came to do.And so I chose to be super religious.And I think that one because, if you look at my chart, I'm meant to be incredibly spiritual,And so much like people whohave been healers for many lifetimes will opt into being a nurse, even though that's probably not in alignment with their soul.It's just that their healer was like, well, what avenues can I be a healer in?So I'm going to pick this one.It was like, I didn't know about any other options other than like what was prevalent where I lived, which was Catholicism.Andum i loved catholicism but there is a lot of shame around sexuality and uh the feminine and so i had i think that i picked it on purpose to because i was afraid of my power and i thought that i was alone in in my thoughts and feelings because they weren't expressed anywhere around me and um and so it was a long journey um butIt was actually, it kind of felt insane to be honest, because my thoughts and feelings were very much focused on that.You could see it in all of my projects.So like my boutique was Golden Bones.It was very edgy, very sexy.Like it was, it was Scorpio Venus embodied.And then like my video production company was Velvet Cartel.It was like, we had darker, sexier events.Like our branding was a little bit like edgy.and so it was like that i was letting that live through my my creations but i wasn't figuring it out within myself and so like i was super numb and i was super blocked even though i had all of this likethis world behind the block that was really interesting and deep and intense.And it was this kind of terrible feeling, to be honest, that I could access glimpses of it, but I was always hitting a wall when I tried to enter that realm.And so that's what sent me on my own journey to figure out what was going on there.And thenobviously you realize, wow, every woman in some way, shape or form, just because we haven't had anyone modeling anything to us, we have this immense power or interest or passion orSpark within us that we're like, I don't know what to do with this.I'm just going to put it out or I'm just going to put it away or I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist.Yeah, I'm going to let it come out sideways in different ways.And so that's when I was like, oh, OK, so like if people.figure out their purpose and pleasure and power, they will be happier.And that was just a product of me being like, oh, ever since I have come to terms with those things, I'm in a much more empowered and safe and happy place.And no one can give that to you.Like I searched for other people to give those things to me, trust me.But it's like you have to create that.And then anything on top of that is just like cherry on top.But it's pretty gnarly.It's like not easy.More and more it's coming out and it's a huge part of the collective now.Not as big as it could be or should be, but definitely it's coming out.And I think that it's because women are sick of all of this beauty and power that they don't know what to do with or they feel shamed in having.And so then theythey're like okay let's figure this out together or 2 I feel like we've been so taught to do it in a way for the male gaze instead of taught to do it in a way that makes us feel really good and empowered because I feel like you know the second you start to think of a pleasure practice or even you know I was thinking of a pleasure practice it didn'tdon't know it kind of scared me even though same as you like I Probably at a very young age younger than most like got my period started having you know, like sexual thoughts My mom hated me a book.We never really talked about it Was definitely masturbating at a young age wouldn't have called it that I didn't have the name for it but then continued to give that away to everyone else instead of realizing that like that's power that's energy you're creating in your own body that you can then use for things out in the world andAnd I think that's been such a game changer for me over the last couple of years is to like imbue that energy into my work and what I'm putting out into the world and like owning it and realizing that, you know, like, I don't know, I think it was actually you that had told me this, that when we were talking about the levels of sexuality, that it was like, actually, sexuality doesn't come first.It's sensuality.And that like they're 2 different things.So I would love for you to speak on that more because I remember our light bulb went off when we chatted about that because I was like, oh, you're right.Women don't even feel safe to be sexual until they understand what it is to be sensual in their bodies.And like there's a big difference.Oh, yeah.I mean, that was the thing.I think that's why all of my blocks were a gift, because I had to work through them in order to even understand how to help other people with them.And I would say most women that come and talk to methey're they're one thousand percent performative in the sense that the only pleasure that they extract from an experience with their partner is if their partner seemed satisfiedFor real, my whole body just went like, I literally do not have a sexual encounter these days unless I come first.Yeah, no, it's very much, and people wonder why libido is so low and sex drive is so low.No one owns their pleasure.No one knows how to get to their pleasure.No one knows how to do it by themselves first.No one knows how to ask their partner for it.The ask is, oh, that vulnerable piece can be really sticky.Yeah.Yeah.And so like, yeah, I would say that it was so interesting in so many conversations that I had with either clients or friends, it was like,Even definitions of words, we're not in alignment with and understanding what does it mean to be sensual?What does it mean to be sexual?Sensuality is a very big place to start because we're not soft with our bodies.We don't get into sensual movements or clothing or even thoughts becausewe feel uncomfortable it's it's best if we are caregivers and yeah yeah and if we're in our masculine like everyone models that and and the few and far between that are incredibly sensual i noticedbecome superstars like Marilyn Monroe and it's like but but we all assume oh that's just her right like that that's that's them that's not the common folk that's not who I am as a mother I am as a an entrepreneur or I am as a daughter or a wife right and it's like no sensuality and Erosare everything in life.They come from everything.Like everything comes from that.And so that's why I feel like we're so lost is we don't even understand that concept within our own selves.I know I didn't.Oh no, I didn't.Yeah, I know.And when I went into like that training, I mean, it was, wow, that was wild.Like, um, to find my blocks, to find my narratives, to find my programs in my wounds.And,to find not only ones from this lifetime, but past lifetimes, and then to understand where I was not guided and why we're not guided there.I mean, you go through all of the grief, all of the rage, all of theI mean, dissociation, you just, you go through the whole spectrum of emotions around that.And then you finally get to the point where you're like, fuck it no more.Not in my life and not in her life and not in her life.Like that can't happen anymore.Yeah, no, I feel like it's even changed just the way that I have interactions or talk to my husband in particular, but it's boundaries to me.It really is.It's having the respect for myself to have boundaries with others and then be able to beSoft with myself is the word that's coming through, but I don't even know that it's necessarily soft.It's more inquisitive, maybe exploratory and realizing that that curiosity is a good thing, that that curiosity is not a bad thing.Because, you know, I think I've got 2 kids, been married almost ten years now.Like you, you have to continue finding your own pleasure so that you can then bring it to your partner.You can bring it to whomever and say, this is how I want to be loved.Because unless, to your point, you know how to do that, I'm always going to be chasing a high outside of myself.I'm always going to be looking at someone else to make me feel better.And I have come to realize that sometimes that energetic shift is something that I can create within myself by taking a moment to be in my body and feel my body and maybe feel the pleasure coursing through my body or not, right?Like whatever it is.But I would love to talk a little bit more about the kind of sex magic aspect, because we speak to it a bit in Queen of Hearts, our business mastermind. but I feel like there issomething missing in today's society, with women and our sexuality and our power,Because, to your point, the women that actually show it are blowing up.But then others seem to think like: oh, I don't have that,That's not a part of who I am,And I want more of us to be liberated in realizing that actually it's not dirty and that it's really-mean I keep saying powerful, but it is.It's really powerful to own your sexuality and realize it's almost like ISIS.I feel like ISIS takes over my body sometimesAnd I feel like every woman should experience that like, take no shit, I'm fucking amazing energy that can come after a pleasure practice.Oh my God.Yeah, I remember the month that everything shifted for meAnd it was the universe gifted me talking to 4 different women that were anywhere from 65 to 77, I think the oldest one,And all of them admitted to me that they had never in their mind.They didn't know if they had ever had an orgasm.that was wild to me. yeah, and and also they all- well, all 3 out of the 4, one of them's partner had already passed- were still married, anywhere from 30 to 4 years. um, so one of them, i think, 50 years, and they had stopped having sex in their relationship. um, like 20 or 30 years before.No, thank you.No, thank you.And that's like nothing to do like. it's not them,It's also their generation.They saw their bodies as like something for their husband, something to give birth,And then, once the birth happened, it's like so much of your hormones change, so much of your life changes that, likesex, just like moves off to the sideRight.And and also, if you don't claim your pleasure, you're not going to be maintaining it,You're not going to like keep it as a priority.And that's where you really deepen into mother, which is like only pouring out and and not understanding the other aspects of yourself.And- and I think that that's like my biggest, where my biggest mission was birthed, which was:We cannot access the power to make the changes in our communities if we don't feel safe in our bodies when we hold pleasure and prosperity,Like most women. if you can't hold the idea of you rich and powerful and sexy in your mind and make your body get turned on by that idea,you'll never have it and you'll never be able to do all of the good that you could do with that right.And it's because it hasn't been modeled to us in a healthy way.It's like it gets, it gets siphoned.It's like even even Marilyn Monroe. right.She like died early because she couldn't handle all of that attention.And it's like the male gaze. it's likeYou're not safe. if you're sexy,You're not safe, or people won't really like you, or people will hate you,Or you're asking for it.Yeah, if you're too big and you're too bold and you're too rich and you're too, whatever right.And so it's like the narrative is that's for the men?And I know that women don't want to admit that, but when I talk to them, it is buried in their programming.And it's like we are very deeply uncomfortable with the thought of ourselves at our max.Oh, absolutely,I realized the other day that even in meditation, when I'm trying to visualize some of these things. I wasn't visualizing my faceand I had to stop for a second and I was like, why can't I literally cannot see my face on this dream that I have, that I want to bring to fruition, and it blew my mind, and it was because I didn't think I deserved it or I didn't think that I could have it. so, taking the time to even picture my face, doing the speaking, presenting the book, whatever it was I wanted, I feel like, had a cellular change in my body, because up until that point I couldn't hold that frequency, I couldn't holdthat image in my brain for some reason, because it's been, you know, programmed or buried deep within,And I've been on the ceiling journey for a long time.So to have that big like aha, I was like, oh shit, if I can hardly see myself like what are other women seeing?Oh my God,I couldn't. I couldn't even in like my, my, like sexual fantasies. I wouldn't see myself.No, I alwaysOkay,And I- I don't know if this is because my most recent past life I was a manI can very clearly like, visualize myself as a man in sexual fantasies,Like,Weirdly so.But I'm never female.No, I'm female occasionally, I guess,But I'm a male a lot of the time.Yeah, I mean I think that's what's so confusing to people. if they don't understand Akashic Records or they don't understand past lives,They're like whatThoughts in seeing their different identities or feeling the different past selves', feelings orwounds like what, what? that doesn't make any sense. um, but yeah, it's like. that's why i love business and love so much, because they are the vehicles that are used to get us to find our wounds and find out who we are and get to our power. and i mean saying we've been doing this a long time is like buckle up, because it's a lifetime, it's a lifetime of work that we're doing,And it's like the whole part is the point of this is the journey,And it is like, oh, that's in there,Oh, that's, that's like what's going on,And, and yeah, it's, it's the slowing down and having presence with yourself and with your body and with your subconsciousthat helps these lifeblocks and wounds or narratives come to the surface and then actually doing some of the work, like movement work, body work, and it's asking for the space to do it.I don't know how many times thatI mean I definitely had to hold firm boundaries around time for my self-pleasure, time for my journaling, time for my meditation.And I know I chose not to have kids, so it was easier for me.But a lot of people that I talk to are like I could never,I could never ask for the time and the space to do that self-inquiry, to do that know-thyself work.And it's like. well, it's really hard to do healing and expanding work if you don't know yourselfyourself right and and so that's why I think sometimes it is like easier to do with a mirror or to do with a guide or to do with a group or a friend, because sometimes you feel lost when you try to do it by yourself, because you're kind of in- I call it the fertile void, even though it feels fucking terrible at the time.It's ripe for anything being possible.Anything can happen when you're in that kind of like goo phase of the transformation.But I'm with you.I absolutely believe that it's easier in groups and it's much easier with community and with sisterhood.And I think you know we've talked about this ad nauseum, but that this group that is kind of awakening right now on the planet. I feel like all of us women are trying torelease those generational curses of blaming other women, of telling on other women of the years of the witch trials and of the patriarchy really trying to push us against each other.I think there's so much room at the table for all of us and our unique magic and our unique medicine,And I think the more that we continue to just talk about the things that we're going through. I always hope to normalize it, becauseThere's so many times in a vacuum on this healing journey that you're like. am I the only one?Am I alone?Like what's happeningAnd like I know, we're in the midst of eclipse season right now, and this will come out as part of eclipse season.I'm wondering if there's anything on your heart today, Bij, that you want to share with folks, just about whatever they're moving through, or maybe helping them navigate what can feel like a really tumultuous time on the planet right now.Yeah, I mean, I think, like many brains, mine always is searching for patterns,And what I realized in the gift of getting to talk to older women is that it was a whole generation of women that kept quiet, that were gaslitAnd whenever they were going through their awakening, which happens when you get into wild woman phase of your life.their bodies were changing and their desires were changing, and they were getting pissed about how imbalanced everything was energetically and they were programmed to stay quiet. and they when, when everything started flaring because their body was like, oh hell, no, we're not staying quiet- they went to the doctor and the doctors were like: you're fine, there's nothing wrong with you. yeah. and and it's likethink that we owe it to them to really, because whatever they did on some level, like, made some space for us to be a lot more outspoken and to be a lot more aware. and- and I think that us doing this work- that's why they say it- heals backwards and forwards and it is likeorgasm you have. now you're like sharing that energy with, like the women that never know if they ever have had one like. that's how I like to think of it. I love that. I'm going to think about that forever more next time I'm like I'm sending this to you, sending this to you guys. yeah, yeah, this is for you, Susan, butBut it is like like once you start seeing your work, your business, your gifts, your pleasure as a channel to bring more love into the world, like to bring love into this earth plane. you understand that it's like not selfish.It's not just for you,It's actually like good for the collective,Because, like we are a collective consciousness.So the more that you heal, the more that you understand, the more that you detach, the more that you open to love and pleasure. everyone around you benefits,And soI mean these last 2 years of the years that are, the 2 years that are coming. we signed up for this, and it's fucking gnarly.It's notOur souls, man,We, especially if you pick certain placements. you came to Tango, and and that's like. I don't knowwhy we're all shocked here because, like, we kind of picked this and we can get through this. but it is from slowing down, it is from resting, it is from creating instead of consuming. it is from connecting to your body. it is from having hard conversations with people. it is connecting with like-minded women to get permission slips or reflections or cheerleading.It is like you're not supposed to be in a vacuum,And I think that that's why so much of our society feels like. could you imagine? you don't know anything about what's going on, but you can feel the energy as a woman.That would be insane.That's some women's experience in the world right now, especially in America, where they can feel it because they areIntuitive, but we all are,And so they're like. could you imagine going through eclipse season and not knowing what the hell you're feeling?No, I would just think it was fucking crazy,Like I already think I'm fucking crazy and I know what's happening.That's why Medicaid right,And it's like eclipse season happens every 6 months and it's for a reason,And it is a huge like we're at. we're school people.It's like fricking finals time,LikeIt is intenseAnd we signed up for a certain curriculum and we're not supposed to be doing it alone.And society has set it up where these nuclear families are, just like going through their routine all of the time and isolating everyone so intensely.Like men are not friends with any other men,Women are like in these like surface level little groups every now and again, but they're not like going deep with each other because of lack of intimacy and vulnerability, because we weren't modeled that.And we have to keep this facade, that everything's OK on Instagram,And it's like a big fucking joke and disaster.Right,And so dumpster fire.And but it's not sustainable.And so, yeah,you can trust that the universe brings you certain books, or certain podcasts, or certain people, or certain posts on Instagram that are trying to speak to you and trying to breadcrumb you towards finding your people, finding your lessons, finding the things that want to behealed or expanded or experienced.And I think that as long as you try to have an open mind and open eyes and you have some sense of optimism- even if you have to borrow it from someone who is eternally optimistic,like someone who has a sag stellium, but but it is- it is like um buckle up, because, uh, that this is, this is especially our country's dark night of the soul,And if you've already been through one yourself, you know what that means,And it's good.Yeah,Yeah,Oh yeah,You got to go all the way to the bottom,You got to touch the bottom.Everybody in America has got to touch the bottom before we can come back up.So you can only imagine:Right,There might be a little deeper bottom for some people than others.Yeah,I mean, or they take a little longer because they go kicking and screaming,But yeah,Yeah,It's. I think,Once you see it from that perspective, it's like: oh okay,I understand alchemy,I understand what's going on here,And I'm just going to support myself, to be a better support and to be in service to others,And other people should be doing that for themselves as well.Just because, yeah, this is for our betterment,This is for our collective soul's evolution,and it's, um, it's not going to be easy, but that's the point, yeah, and i think that's a really good reminder, because so many of us are living to escape because we want it to be easy. but earth school is not meant to be easy. we're actually meant to experience that full spectrum of emotions, and that's why it feels so sweet when something is good because you have experienced the bad. and i was just thinking, as you were talking, of those you know, the little breadcrumbs.When you're out of alignment, the universe starts by setting little pebbles, but then it's going to send you a big fucking boulder if you're not listening.And like that's what happened to me with my miscarriage,Like I was not listeningAnd anyone listening to this podcast, I want you to maybe listen up and see where the universe is sending you those little breadcrumbs. and you're not listening because I don't want you to have a boulder sent your way.that is going to completely upend things, even though life is happening for you and not to you. it's upending for a reason. it's upending because it's no longer in alignment, but it just makes it a lot less comfortable when you go kicking and screaming or when you don't listen, because we have free will. we have free will on earth, and even though we have signed up for everything right now, we can choose to ignore it. we could choose to not do it, um,For our own detriment and for the collective detriment, but we have free will.It's always a choice,And I do believe that you have to have a bit of that relentless optimism.You have to choose every single day, yourself and the life of your dreams and the things that you want, andIt's not easy,It's really not.And I'm speaking to myself right now as I'm in the middle of eclipse season, reminding:It's worth it, Victoria,It's worth it,But I just love you so much, Bij.Where can people get to know you get to work with you?I think we're going to do a podcast swap soon,So you're going to hear moreabout all the psychedelics and plant medicine. um, that bijou is involved in on her podcast, and i'll be sharing my story over there soon. yeah, where, where can we get the deets on? you share more about your podcast, all the good stuff. well, before that you said something that i really feel like a call to touch on is:i think this is like a big problem in the spiritual community and in in our world which is: um, we have innovated and optimized towards comfort in such a big way, and the love and light community, which is like very pollyanna: very much not doing shadow work, very much not looking at themselves in the mirror, like one of the biggest lessons that i learned was likeyour ability to grow and expand is like, equally in alignment with, like your ability to be like in discomfort and to be uncomfortable by looking at your own shit or by like dealing with the things that feel painful, right,Like you cannot,you cannot bypass them and actually get somewhere being good.And it's like the whole, like pain and pleasure matrix, or like access, which is the amount of pleasure you feel is directly and also in alignment with how much pain can you tolerate?And when we're constantly trying to avoid pain and discomfort,that's how we get like monotonous and complacent, and soft and and weak and Victim II. and- and it's just like you can see it everywhere, Absolutely, and our spiritual journeys should build our resilience. It should show you the ways in which actually you can overcomes a bad word. I don't, I don't want that word, but you know what I meanLike, absolutely. it shows you the ways that we, you know,need to sit in the discomfort. i literally said that to a client this morning. she was talking to me about something happening in her life and i was like: i don't want you to go, sit and meditate, i don't want you to go whatever. i want you to sit, sit in the that you're feeling right now and actually feel it, because i'm guilty of it too. i have all the tools, all the modalities right. and the second i get uncomfortable. i'm like: let me go do some kundalini, let me go for a walk,Let me take some plant medicine.Try and get this out of my system.But it's like. no, the medicine is actually in the journey.The medicine is in the feeling.It's in the sitting of the shit,That fertile void.There's something coming for the fertile void I feel like for people,Because that, to me, is the most uncomfortable place to be,But it's the biggest place of transformation that you can find yourself in if you're willing to sit in the shit.Yeah, absolutely.And I think that trying to stay in that stable middle is like you can see it everywhere.It's like why people are on certain medications.It's why a lot of people don't want to look at the work.It's why people shove everything under the rug.It's why people dissociate through different substances.And it is like the discomfort of having the hard conversation or leaving the cushy job or disappointing your parents or like whatever it is, right?Like those hard choices are always too much.So then we focus on how can we pour into others to feel valuable, even though we're not being valuable to our soul.And that's the thing is like, it's like, that's what they say that the cave that you fear the most holds the richest treasures for you.Right.And it's like, whatever it is, like, especially if you look at your human design and you meant to fuck around and find out you can't read it in a book, you have to go through it.Like you need to, you need to do it.Right.And it is, is like the universe is going to keep bringing you the opportunities to say yes to the workAnd if you keep avoiding, it's just going to get harder.You're going to get more anxious, more depressed, more uncomfortable, more out of alignment.And so like when people come to me and they say that they're dealing with any of those things, I'm like, okay, cool.That's just an indication that you're out of alignment.So like, what do we need to do to get into alignment?And they don't like hearing what we're going to have to do.It's not a good sell.It's not an easy sell.It's like, yeah, sit there and feel like 15 years worth of grief that you have been bypassing.And that shit, when that shit comes up, I thought I was broken, by the way, when that happened to me.I mean, we'll definitely talk about it because it was with my mushroom experience, but I felt broken.I was like, wow, am I never going to feel good again?And imagine as a child, like an elder had told you, like, to move those emotions or to sit with those emotions at a young age, or if like someone had told you, like,Yeah.Hey, when you get off your SSRI, all of that emotion that you haven't been processing is going to hit you like a ton of bricks and you can get through it and you're not an endless pit of grief.And it's going to be okay because it's going to lead you back to yourself.Like if someone had just uttered those words to a lot of people, likewhere would we be right and so that's the thing is i just felt super called to say that yes no please it's important yeah i know a lot of people are fall like i did i followed my intuition and i got off adderall and birth control and i didn't know why or how and then it sent me right into a dark night of the soul and i was likeOh, God, I made a horrible mistake.Like, I need to go back and get on anything that a doctor will give me.And and I didn't.But yeah, it was like if I had just been told that, I think it is possible.Yeah.And I mean, now I know from a very embodied place, I know that it's possible.and i don't know if anyone telling me to get like through it like that i would if it would have made it any better but yeah when you do feel like oh no i think i i did some irreparable damage and i'm never going to be the same again like that's a horrible feeling and it's so interesting to me that in so much psychedelic workThe first thought is, am I going to be like this forever?Like, what did I do?Am I going to ever come back?Like, right.You always fucking come back.Yeah.It's just so funny that like, that's the, that's the major question that comes up to all different types of people, especially mothers.ButAnyway, yeah, you can find me.I'm semi-active.I'm about to be way more active on Instagram.I was like, you are so active on Instagram.What are you talking about?And I also have a website and a podcast.Oh, I want to celebrate something.I just found out.I think it's a form.Forumcast.I don't know what it is, but I'm like top, I'm on the list of the top ten psychedelic podcasts.I don't know what that means, if anything, but it tickled me to see that.And that's probably because there are only 10?I don't know.No!Oh my god, no, there's probably 100.Yay!But yeah, I was excited to see that.And so, new, the next season comes out in October.yay super soon so mushroom mamacita podcast website instagram usually is more than mushrooms but they are they're the base layer i feel like that make up bijou mushrooms blue lotus cacaoMaybe a little bit of pixie dust.Oh, remember our little necklaces that we made at Wild Roots?Those were all the things that were in mine.No wonder.I love it.Which maybe we'll put that onto the eaters.Maybe there'll be another Wild Roots retreat next year.There absolutely will be.But I love you.Thank you so much, Bijou.Thank you for being here.Please like, rate, subscribe, share the podcast if it speaks to you.If you would like to be a guest, there is an application in the show notes where you can find all of my information and Bijou's information.But thanks for being here.Be good to one another.I love you guys.