Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
This Jewish Inspiration Podcast is dedicated to learning, understanding and enhancing our relationship with Hashem by working on improving our G-d given soul traits and aspiring to reflect His holy name each and every day. The goal is for each listener to hear something inspirational with each episode that will enhance their life.
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.
All right, welcome back, everybody. This is way number 35. Way number 35 is ohev etetachahot, to love criticism. Anybody here love criticism? Anybody here welcome criticism? So our sages tell us that a wise person loves criticism. Criticize a wise person and he will love you for it. Why? Because what is criticism?
Criticism is a perspective on yourself that you otherwise wouldn't have or that you're numb to. So a wise person says, what's my obligation in this world? To be the best possible person I can become. And therefore, if you can give me a perspective that I am blind to, thank you. I appreciate that. Why? Because now you're giving me another opportunity to perfect myself. You're giving me an opportunity to excel in an area that otherwise I wouldn't be cognizant of. So imagine this.
Imagine someone is a terrible driver. So someone sits in their car with them and says, you're a terrible driver. Now it's not pleasant to hear that, but it could save their life if they listened and they appreciated that, even if it wasn't done in a proper way. It wasn't said nicely. It wasn't said respectfully. But at the end of the day, is there some truth to it that I can benefit from, perhaps that can save my life, save other people's lives?
So we have to look at it on its merit, not by its delivery. On its merit, is there something here of truth that I can benefit from? And if there is, be grateful and thankful. And that's what our mission is teaching us. Love criticism, because it's free advice in becoming a better person. So that's the obligation on the person who gives the criticism, that it should be done in a proper way. But on the person, on the recipient, even if it's not, find a way to accept it.
Find a way to narrow it down, remove the emotion from it, remove the feeling part of it, and connect with what is the reality here. Is this logically a good point that they're making? And if it is a good point, even though I don't like the messenger, I don't like the process in which they brought this to my attention, but I'm grateful that they did. And if I was what King Solomon says is a righteous person, I'll love them for it.
So not always is criticism served on a silver platter. Lo tisnat achicha b'vovecha, it says you should not hate your fellow in your heart. That means, if anybody here, if you have hate towards me, please don't leave it in your heart. Bring it out of your heart and talk about it. It's not a healthy thing. I'll tell you that a story that I remember, I mentioned this a long time ago, there was an individual who was a moel in our community, doesn't live in Houston anymore.
And it's a very delicate business being a moel, right? Why? Because if someone doesn't use your services to circumcise their son, then you could feel offended. What do you mean? I'm not good enough? I'm not righteous enough? I'm not holy enough? Like, well, what am I not good enough? I can't take someone else, bring someone from out of town. So there was a guy who had a bris for his son, and he didn't call the local guy, the local moel.
So the moel was very upset, and he was disappointed, and he was angry, and he was hateful. And he walked over to this individual one day, and he says, the Torah commands me to not hate you in my heart. So I want to tell you that I hate you because you didn't choose me to be your son's moel. It's a very good thing. You should just know, the Torah, he actually said that I was there.
So he said to him, he said to him, I'm sorry, but this is a relative of mine. So I called in the relative, but there wasn't something offensive towards you. It wasn't something that was, he said, thank you so much. That's why, and he said, that's why the Torah says don't leave it in your heart because usually it's a misconception. Usually that hatred is based on a flawed premise. It's on a flawed perception.
And you just bark at the person because, or you get upset, you're holding nine out of 10 times. Anybody here ever have a quarrel with someone that later on you find out was a misunderstanding? Nine out of 10 times? The Torah therefore commands us. Right, but sometimes you won't have the benefit of the doubt until you actually speak to them and see that it was a mistake. It was a mistake. It was an innocent mistake.
If you hate a person, you owe it to them to tell them why you hate them. And nine out of 10 times, I guarantee it, you'll see that it was a misconception or it was a misperception of what happened or what was going on. But then the verse continues. This is in Leviticus 19.17, it says, הוכח תוכיח את אמיתך. You shall criticize your fellow, ולא תיסע עליו חטא. And do not bring upon him sin. So put this together, this whole verse, it makes beautiful sense.
You have hate towards someone, don't leave it on the inside. Criticize them appropriately so that you don't carry sin with you, right? You put it all together, it makes perfect sense, this verse, and this is a commandment to the Torah. So what does it mean to criticize? My grandfather says that criticism is more powerful than blessing. You give someone a blessing. We see Jacob did this. Jacob gave a blessing to all his children except for two, Shimon and Levi.
Shimon and Levi gives them criticism, and he gives them harsh criticism because he didn't like what they did to, he didn't like, not that they killed the people of Shechem, of Nablus, but rather because they used trickery, כלי חמאס מחורסים. Oh, you guys used trickery and Jacob was a person of straightness. He didn't like trickery. You want to kill them? Kill them. You have a right to take revenge, but don't use trickery. He criticized them.
My grandfather says to show someone a flaw that they possess is the greatest gift you can give them. Shower someone constantly with praise, and they won't learn, they won't learn to perfect themselves or to correct their ways. You share with someone a little piece of criticism in the right way, and you save their life, and you change them forever. Criticize the action, not the person. Criticize the action, not the person, particularly with children, and sometimes adults are children too.
But children never, a parent should never, ever say to a child, you're a bad child. I've heard people say this, and I sadly had to pull them aside and say, please don't ever say to your child, they're a bad child. What they've done you disapprove of, or that what they did was wrong, but don't call them a bad child. They're not a bad child. Okay? No child is a bad child. Sometimes the environment they're in is a negative environment that you put them in,
so that's what they're going to learn from. You put them with good kids, they'll be a good kid. Put them with bad kids, with troublemakers, that's what's going to be of them. Be thankful to the person who criticizes you. Be thankful. We're going to talk about this in our Muslim Masterclass in a few weeks. We're going to talk about rebuke and love, love and rebuke. If you really, really love someone, you hate seeing them go down the wrong path.
So you tell them, you know, you made a right, you should have made a left. In life, not only on the road, make a U-turn, come around, I'll show you how to, we need to help guide one another. As a criticizer, but also someone who's a recipient of criticism, appreciate that someone went out of their way, even if it wasn't in a star-studded presentation, someone took time out of their day to care about you and show you a mistake that you've done, to put you on the right path.
Be grateful. Say thank you to someone who criticizes you. Even if at the moment you're hurt and you don't appreciate it so much. It's a gift, even if it's not wrapped properly, it's still a gift. But one more thing about the criticizer. What you criticize in other people, I know you don't like this. The Talmud says that one who criticizes other people, it's their own flaw that they're seeing. It's their own flaw. Now, so I'll tell you like this.
If you see a negative in another person, why are you sensitive to that negative? Because it's something that you see in yourself as well. What does the doctor call that term? Projection. You're projecting. So you see someone not organizing the chairs properly, so why don't you organize the chairs? Maybe it's something that you're seeing in yourself that's causing you to criticize the other person. So, my dear friends, this concludes way number 35. Love criticism. It will help you become great.
Have a fantastic Shabbos everybody. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.
You've been listening to the Jewish Inspiration Podcast, a Torch production. Become a supporter at Torchweb.org because your assistance enables more Torah learning around the globe. To find more lessons offered by Torch, please visit Torchpodcasts.com.