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What do you do when the bottom drops out and life breaks in ways you never imagined? Charlie and Jill LeBlanc have walked that road, and through their personal story of loss, they’ve discovered the sustaining power of God's presence. In this podcast, they offer heartfelt conversations, Scripture-based encouragement, and the kind of hope that only comes from experience. Whether you're grieving, struggling, or searching for peace in the middle of chaos, this space is for you.
Hey there, thanks so much for joining us. This is the Finding Hope podcast, getting through what you never asked for. We're Charlie and Jill, and we're so glad that you've joined us here today. Amen. We're gonna continue talking about what we were talking about last time, which is taken from a chapter of our book called The Analysis of Paralysis. Yeah. And it's
It's kind of a play on the old college textbook, the paralysis of analysis, because for people that are trying to figure out equations and and hard situations, know, your brain just gets paralyzed because of all this analysis. But here we are kind of analyzing the paralysis that someone walks through when they have experienced traumatic situations in their life, be it the loss of a loved one.
as many of you have and we have. Or it could be the loss of a career. It could be the loss of a relationship, a marriage. The loss of your finances. There's just so many traumatic experiences connected with loss. And you know when you mentioned, the loss of a marriage.
You know, it's like, I remember after we lost Bo, the pain of the loss was so traumatic, but I started having so much more compassion and empathy for those who go through divorces because in a lot of ways, it's the death. It's the death of your marriage. It's the death of a dream, of a childhood dream. You know, it's one thing to lose your wife or your husband in death, which is horrible. It's just as traumatic.
equally, maybe not equally, but in a different way, but still just as hard, is going through a difficult divorce. And we've known very many precious saints who have gone through that. And the shock, the trauma is beyond words. Like my sister would always say, in one way, it's worse than a death, even though it's the death of a marriage. That person, they're still alive.
It never goes completely away. Yeah. Yeah. Like my sister lived in the same town as her ex for several years until she moved away. Yeah. And there's no getting away from it. Even though they lived in different cities then, still there was so much to have to deal with. it's a tough. She was very much paralyzed a lot of times. knowing what to do. so hard. And freaking her out.
And you know, in others, there's so many different types of loss that we've discussed on this program. know, we lost our son, he died, and that was traumatic. But we also know a lot of people that their daughters and their sons have gone astray and they live traumatized because of the life that their children have chosen. you know, we...
There's help for that. Thank you, Jesus. There's help in His word. There's help in faith. There's help in God's grace to get through all of these traumatizing situations that we unfortunately face in this broken world and this terrible situation that we've been left with. Thanks, Adam and Eve. But yes, Satan just, we hate him.
And I think if you want to get mad at something or someone, get mad at the enemy because he is the one that's behind all the darkness in this world. He is the one influencing all the pain, all the heartache, all the death, all the genocide, all the starvation, everything that's evil and negative in this world. It's Satan. And we need to be
aware of that and fight him every day of our lives. Can somebody shout amen? So anyway, there's a quote that a guy that a rabbi actually that Earl Grohman is his name and we quote him several times in the book in our book when loss comes close to home. I'll do another little ad for it. When loss comes close to home,
Finding Hope to Carry On When Death Turns Your World Upside Down by Charlie and Jill LeBlanc, forwards by Joyce Meyer and Andrew Womack, two very dear friends of ours that we've had the privilege to lead worship for both of them. But in this book that we wrote, one of the books that helped us the most is a book by Rabbi Earl Grohmann. It's called Living When a Loved One Dies.
Yeah, has died. And Earl wasn't necessarily a Christian. He was a Jewish rabbi, but just full of wisdom and full of knowledge and that I know God had given him as he gave it to Solomon as well. so he wrote this quote and I just thought it was so powerful. says, talking about this paralysis, it you're in shock. Nothing seems real. You're not there.
People talk to you, you do not respond. You feel as though you are just a spectator. my gosh, that's so true. There is a deadening of feelings. You've lost your ability to concentrate. You have no energy. There's a slowdown in your speech, in the way you move. You are literally stunned. These are all signs of temporary paralysis. You've not wholly absorbed
the grim reality of the death of your loved one. Man, that's a powerful quote by Earl Gromen. So true, he put it very well. Yeah, he was thrusted into grief ministry right after he became a rabbi. He was a young man. And right after that time was the original World Trade Center bombings.
not the Twin Towers thing, I, gosh, was it in the nineties or when was that? don't remember the date, but it was horrible. eighties. And maybe seventies. Anyway, he was living in New York City when that happened. And like I said, he had just gone into the rabbi, rabbihood, whatever, into the ministry. And all of a sudden he's ministering to all of these people that had just lost someone.
So this is coming from a man with years and years, decades of experience in ministering to those who have lost someone. We do recommend that book, by the way, Living When a Loved One Has Died. it was such a lifeline to us. We read a lot of good books, and they helped us, but some of them were thick and long and
tiny letters and typeface and a lot to read. And when you're going through paralysis and you're going through grief and stress and the trauma, for me, for us, it was like, I couldn't read all that. I wanted simple things. And so I found a few things that were simpler. And this one by Earl Grohman was...
spaced really big. so when we were doing our book, actually, Jill said, I want a lot of space. want good type size. I want a lot of room on the pages because that's what helped us. And so this book is we do highly recommend it, by the way. And you may say, well, Charlie, it's not a Christian book. Well, it helped me. It helped us a lot. Yeah, because he does talk about God in it.
a lot. And so, it's a very healthy, healthy book. So anyway, of that. Yeah. Another book that helped us, me especially, but I think both of us early on in our grief journey. It's a book by C.S. Lewis. I'm going to read a little portion out of here. And it's called A Grief Observed. And this particular edition, it's very thin.
And the first one that I ever got was even smaller. It was like half of this size. So it would have been up this way. And it was just, just his book. But this edition has a whole introduction written by his stepson. And it's just beautiful. And I would encourage you, if you want to get this book, look for the one that looks like this. It's orange and turquoise and off-white and it's called A Grief Observed.
But so his story is he met this woman. He's probably later in life. I didn't get his age. He might have been in his 40s. Well, no, he had to be more than that. 40s or 50s possibly. he'd never been married, never had a relationship. He meets this woman in a writers club. All these writers would get together and just talk.
just share their works and different things. And he fell in love with this woman who was ill when they got married. And the most tragic part is that after they got married, about four years later, she passed away. And he was just in a tailspin because he had never let himself go there to...
to entertain love and to let himself be in a relationship with someone. But he had also never met anyone like this woman. She was really special. And so if you have ever read any of C.S. Lewis's works, you know how prolific he is. He's just an amazing writer. so I just want to read the first paragraph to you and just bear with me because he's British and is
This is written several years ago. it's very, you know, it's C.S. Lewis. It's the way he writes. Yeah. Just really. Yeah. Well, listen to this first line. No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I'm not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.
I keep on swallowing. At other times, I feel like being mildly drunk or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says, or perhaps hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty.
If only they would talk to another and not to me. You know, and so it's like, you're just in this funk. You don't think straight. know, it's like, I want people to talk to me, but I want them to treat me like I'm not here because I don't want attention. But I do want attention. You You're just in a funky place when you're paralyzed by grief. You know, and, and
There's a tendency when you get the clump like that and you get into this grief mode, there's a tendency to try to isolate yourself because you don't wanna be around crazy people. you don't wanna, I know for Jill and I, once we started leading worship again for Andrew Womack after we went through the loss, it's about three or four months later, we just took a deep breath and said, okay, we're gonna do this.
And we went out and started leading worship in front of thousands of people again, which was so hard. It was hard, but at the same time, it was intimate because I was able to just close everything out except for God and just sing directly to Him. And we try to do that. That's normal, what every worship leader needs to do every time they lead worship. But, you know,
but because we were especially uncomfortable being around big crowds, we just went clearly into the presence of God and alone with Him. we didn't wanna be around all those crowds. And I remember so often we would lead worship and then we'd be done and Andrew would come up and we would walk out and walk to the back of the auditorium and sometimes go up into our hotel room.
and isolate ourselves, which we shouldn't fully do that. But you have to protect yourself to a degree, especially at the beginning when you're very tender, because if you're around the wrong kind of people and they say the wrong things, it can be damaging to your heart and to your grief process of getting healthier. so we isolated ourselves sometimes, and yet at the same time,That's okay, but you don't want to completely isolate yourself. You want to find safe friends. And I remember this one conference in England I've shared about this before, but a pastor friend of ours, a dear friend who we trusted and loved, he said, hey, can we take you out to lunch? We went out to lunch and we're just talking about the meeting and how everything's going. And then we get seated and I think we already ordered.
And then he looked over at me and I think he even put his hand on top of my hand and said, Charlie, how are you really doing? And I was like, no, I burst in the tears. mean, just all of that, that I was holding all the grief, all the pain, all the confusion, all the anxiety, it just bellowed out of me. I just started weeping like a baby. And and him and his wife just
loved on us, wept with us, gave us permission to cry, let us grieve the way we needed to grieve. The scripture says to weep with those who weep. It doesn't say to fix those who weep, and that's what we always try to do. Oh, you're be good. Oh, oh, oh, I don't wanna you cry. It's okay. You're gonna be okay. You You don't need to cry. But yeah, they just wept with us and let us cry. And so they were what we call safe friends. And you do need to find
a couple of people at least that you can bear your heart to, bear your pain to, and they may not fully understand, but at least if they won't condemn you or criticize you, and at least if they won't try to fix you, but they'll listen. People need to learn how to be good listeners, especially when they're dealing with us who have been through deep losses. yeah. Someone early on...
who had also, he lost his wife and then he lost his dad. Or maybe it was his dad first and then his wife, but it was two relationships that were very, very dear to him. And this was all before we lost Bo. But we were around him a lot afterwards and he would always tell us, listen man, don't cast your pearl before swine. Meaning, and we normally just.
leave off the swine part, we just say don't cast your pearls knowing what that means. But meaning, you can't just say everything that you're walking through and experiencing to just anyone. Even if it's someone that you love and you're close to, they may not really get what you're going through and what they have to say in response to you might be something you don't want to hear or don't need to hear. So safe,
being around safe friends is so crucial. And we just pray that you can find some people that are really safe, that don't try to fix you when you share things and just will help walk you through this time. Yeah, sometimes people will talk to you and they're trying to pull things out of you. And it's almost like they're trying to pull something out of you so they can correct you, you know?
And so they ask you questions. you know, sometimes you just need to smile and say, yeah, I'm fine, I'm good, thank you. Just be kind to them, just say, I'm good. Because as Christians, we're just such fixers, know? Anytime someone's not happy, we just feel like we have to fix them and make them happy. But scripture tells us that there is a time for weeping and there's a time for mourning and we need to give ourselves permission.
to walk through those times when it's necessary. Amen. And if you are one of those that are walking through that right now, we just wanna encourage you, don't try to think through the whole rest of your life. Yeah, true. Just take one day at a time. But if that's too much, just start with an hour.
And if that's too much, just start with this minute that you're in. Just be kind to yourself and just don't look too far in the future. Just try to take the next small step and don't try to pressure yourself. Get out of bed in the morning and maybe take some time for reflection. You deserve that just to be alone to think.and the Lord is right there with you holding you. He is right there with you. You know, take a shower if you feel like it or if you need it and get something to eat. Step outside and get some sunlight. Get some sunlight in your eyes, on your skin. Don't hide away from it. Sunlight is so healthy, especially in the morning, in early morning.
Sometimes healing doesn't look like strength, but sometimes it just looks like taking the next step. Just taking that next small step. Amen. You know, I love the scripture. In fact, Psalms 46.1 that actually years ago, the Lord gave me a song with this scripture. It says, God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help.
in trouble. And that's Psalm 46, 1. And surely He is someone that we can go to Him in our brokenness. We can go to Him. But Scripture says, boldly before the throne of grace that we might receive grace to help us in times of need. I just want to really encourage you to take your pain, take your grief to the Lord.
He understands. Just look at, read the Psalms. mean, David would just complain and just talk about how weary he felt, how awful he felt. And then he would just share his heart with God, but then he would wait to hear from God and receive the strength of God. He would always say, but you Lord, are a shield and a buckler. Oh Lord, you are my refuge, you're my strength. You are a present help in time of need, you know? So feel free to let these
laments out of your heart, but also come back to God being your source of strength in every situation. Amen. That's right. In Psalm 3418, it says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. Love that And He saves those who are crushed in spirit. Thank you, Jesus. And we've all been there that have sustained a life-altering loss. We've all been crushed.
in our spirit, in our hearts. But the Lord is holding us. He is right there with us. He's near to the brokenhearted. He is not far from you. And you might feel like, where is God when I need him? But he is right there. Amen. And so... love that song. says, when you don't see it, even when you don't feel it, he's working. Even when you don't see it, he's working, you know. I love that chorus because...
He is. And another great promise from Isaiah 40 verse 31 says, who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint. And so this is all just encouragement to you to just lay your grief, your pain,
your anguish, your hurt, even your anger and your sorrow, lay it all before the Lord. I've often said this, when I cried, I just determined to cry in the arms of Jesus. In fact, I've shared this many times before, but I remember going out on the deck one day under the umbrella on our deck and all of a sudden it started raining. And I'm thinking, my goodness, it's raining.
And well, I should, I I should back up and say I walked out on the umbrella and I was grieving and I started crying and then it started raining. And thank God I was under the umbrella. But the whole point of the story is that I was weeping and grieving over loss of my son and it started to rain. And as it started to rain, I felt the spirit of God. Jesus say to me, Charlie, when you weep, I weep.
And that's the love of Jesus. That's the heart of Jesus. When he saw Mary and Martha and all the Jews weeping over the tomb of Lazarus, yes, he knew he was the resurrection and the life. Yes, he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead, but he also knew the pain of humanity. He was touched with their feelings. hurt when they hurt. Scripture says he suffered when we suffer. And so the scripture says he wept. So I believe that when we weep,
Jesus weeps. And so I just want to leave that with you that when you do mourn and grieve, be with him. Just give it to him. Don't be embarrassed. Come to him boldly. He loves you. He holds you in the midst of all that pain. Yeah. So as you're listening right now, if you feel stuck or overwhelmed or if you feel numb, just
Close your eyes unless you're driving. But just take a slow breath. You don't have to figure out everything today. God is with you right there in this moment. Yes, yes. He'll never leave you or forsake you. He says, lo, I am with you always, even to the ends.
of the earth. So again, we just want to pray with you and just help you to get through this pain, this horror of the experience, the trauma, the paralysis maybe that you've been caught in. God's going to bring you out of that. God's going to help you. He's going to just hang in there, okay? Like I said, sometimes you don't even
feel like he's working, but he is. know Jill experienced a lot of that where she just started seeing little footprints in the sand, started seeing little miracles that said Jesus is helping you, he is with you. And that's a beautiful thing. So do you want to pray as we close? I prayed last time, just pray for the people what's in your heart. Father, we thank you so much that you
are with our friends, you're with all of us in the middle of our pain, our confusion, in the middle of our heaviness, you are right there with us. For every person that feels overwhelmed, for those who feel numb, for those who feel stuck and unable to move forward, we know that you want to meet them right where they are.
Lord, your word says that you are near to the brokenhearted and that you do save those who are crushed in spirit. So we ask that these people, these dear ones that are experiencing all that right now, that they will sense you drawing them, especially close, even right now. Where there's emotional paralysis, Father, help them feel your peace.
Where there's confusion, help them to have clarity, Father. Where there's exhaustion, cause your rest to permeate their souls. Where there's grief that feels too heavy to carry, Lord, we pray that they can sense your comfort. For those who feel like they can't hold themselves together anymore, may they sense your loving arms holding them.
Your grace is enough for today. May they experience that. Help them take the next small step without fear or shame. Surround them with safe people, people who will love them and not try to fix them, who will simply be present and steady. We thank you that even in this valley, you are right there with them.
Even in the silence, you are still working. And even in paralysis, you are not absent. Thank you that you are the God of all comfort and you are holding them right now. We pray this in the name of Jesus. You're so faithful, Father. Thank you. Amen. Amen. Amen. Beautiful.
Well, we thank you so much for being with us on this podcast and we trust and pray and hope that these words have been a comfort to you and a help to you in some way. Don't forget to like our podcast, to share it with others, to get our book, look at our music. We've got a lot of powerful music that'll help you. So we love you. Leave us comments. If we can help you in any other way, please let us know.