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One of the coolest moments in a mentoring relationship is to see the fruit of your labors start to flourish. When you get dragged down by the details of the current situation or start to think that you haven’t made an impact on your mentee, it can be hard to focus on the positive or to wonder why you’re doing it in the first place. In those moments, looking back at where your relationship started and comparing it to where you are now can be insightful and encouraging. It can give you the motivation to keep going and pressing in to the hard times. Jamari Maloy has a story from the perspective of the mentee and the growth he saw. He joins Josh on his summer takeover “Why I Mentor” series to talk through his experiences as a Forerunner that then joined the team to mentor younger students, the things he’s learned and grown in through being a Forerunner coach, and why he jumped into being a coach right after he graduated high school and the Forerunner program.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators & Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Joshua Manning. You definitely know my voice by now because we're, like, 6 weeks into this series. You're that's right. It is the why I mentor series and my summer takeover.
Speaker 3:Today, I've got a very special guest with me in the You Can Mentor studio. We got Jamari Molloy in the house. Jamari, how you doing?
Speaker 4:I'm doing good. You sound special.
Speaker 3:Alright. I did say you're special.
Speaker 4:I appreciate that.
Speaker 3:Because you are special.
Speaker 4:Thank you. You know what? You're special. You're you're very special.
Speaker 3:Jamari, you know what I love about you? You're just always so positive and, like, looking for the thankful, like, the full like, the thing to be thankful for. Right? Like, of all of Forerunner's core values, choose thankfulness is like the one that you model so well. Like, before we started recording, you know, I was I was telling you, kind of, about my day, my week.
Speaker 3:And you're just like, on the bright side, you have this, this, and this that are, like, good things that went through. And I just really appreciate that about you.
Speaker 4:I appreciate you for telling me that, if that makes sense. Yeah. I appreciate that. Thank you.
Speaker 3:See, again, you're just so thankful.
Speaker 4:Wow. Thank you. I didn't mean to do that. No.
Speaker 3:It's all good. So if you've missed the last few weeks, we've been going through this series where I have been interviewing the coaches that I work with at 4 Runner Mentoring in Dallas, where we're just talking through I mean, we've had some really fire stuff. We've had coach Taj on. We've had coach Bailey. We've had coach Joel and then coach Caitlin.
Speaker 3:And now we got last week, we had coach Ryan. Now we got coach Demuri, and we got a few more. And then we got, like, something real special coming up at the end of the the season.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? And it's gonna be super, super cool. I'm I'm really looking forward to it. We haven't quite recorded it yet, but we've got it in the pipeline. It's gonna be great.
Speaker 3:That's definitely one you guys are just gonna, like, wanna just sit back and drink a cup of coffee over. Don't, like, try to listen to it on your commute to work because it's gonna be way too long to do that. But we got coach Demarri in. Everybody else has said some really just inspiring things, really cool things. I know coach Ja'Mari has a really unique perspective because well, you know, we'll get into it.
Speaker 3:We'll we'll get into it. And we're not gonna we're not gonna spoil that quite yet. Oh. So Ja'Mari, why don't we just give, like, the 30,000 foot view. Who is Jamari?
Speaker 3:Who are you? Like, introduce us introduce the listeners to you, your thoughts, your feelings, your hopes, your dreams, your background, you know, your childhood, whatever. Like, who is Jamari?
Speaker 4:Well, you already know my name, so
Speaker 3:I'm off
Speaker 4:to a good start. If I could paint a picture of who I am, I kinda can't because I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Like, I don't I if I could give you a picture, like, like, literally paint it out, I can't. I I can't.
Speaker 3:Do we just wanna do, like, hot seat, like, rapid fire questions?
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Yes. Alright. Yes. How old
Speaker 4:are you? 19.
Speaker 3:Where are you from? Dallas. Favorite food?
Speaker 4:Oh, chicken Alfredo.
Speaker 3:Oh, I like that. Yeah. Favorite color? Blue. Wow.
Speaker 3:That's also the favorite type of music. Oh, rap slash
Speaker 4:worship.
Speaker 3:Mountains or beach? Beach. Yeah. That's all I got.
Speaker 4:You know what? You tried. Well, I appreciate it.
Speaker 3:I tried. Yeah. We got we got a we got a little bit of snapshot. What about some history about, like, you how did you or, like, where did you grow up? Mhmm.
Speaker 3:How did you get involved with 4 Runner? That kinda stuff.
Speaker 4:I grew up in Dallas, of course, single parent household, you know. Yeah. Grew up single single parent. Dad was kinda in and out ish.
Speaker 3:Dad was kinda in and out?
Speaker 4:Like Okay. He was there at the beginning. Like, I say, 1 years old. Well, not 1 years old. From what I was born Right.
Speaker 4:I mean, like, out. And then to, like, 3 years old, like, so I was, like, 3 or 4.
Speaker 3:So newborn to about 3 or 4?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Okay. And was gone till probably, like, my early teens, like, probably, like, 12, 13.
Speaker 3:Gone gone where?
Speaker 4:I don't know.
Speaker 3:Like You don't know? He just kinda dipped?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Okay. Actually, it was complications with my mom and dad. They were, like they had their own thing going on and that caused him to leave and
Speaker 3:Gotcha. Gotcha.
Speaker 4:He did sometimes make an effort to come in and out and but he's in my life now and I'm thankful for it. So
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 4:Yeah. There's actually one thing I've been trying to work on. It's, like, not holding a grudge for what my mom and dad went through. Like, I can't, like
Speaker 3:Like learning to forgive your parents?
Speaker 4:Yes. Because on both sides, they caused some hurt between me and my other sibling. Oh, I have a sibling, by the way.
Speaker 3:Oh, you have a sibling?
Speaker 4:Yes. I have a twin. Wow. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to forget him.
Speaker 4:I love him.
Speaker 3:You I mean, there's so many, like, little tidbits. Like, keep going. What are these tidbits? Right? You have a twin.
Speaker 3:You have some relational hurt between your parents and you and each other, it sounds like.
Speaker 4:My twin, his name is Jamere. They I wouldn't say hurt, but it definitely kind of affected how we grew up and what we believed while we were growing up.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:Like, I was always told that my dad is, like, this, this, and that. Like, he's no good. This, this, and that.
Speaker 3:Like, it was just really, really negative, like, talked down on him? Yes.
Speaker 4:It was very one-sided, and then I got the other side when my dad came into my life in my early teens. He started telling me his side, and, you know, I'm just trying to not live in that Yeah. Past and just moving forward. You know? Actually, I don't live with my mom anymore.
Speaker 3:You don't live with your mom anymore? No. Okay.
Speaker 4:Because of
Speaker 3:Do you live on your own?
Speaker 4:No. I live with my own, on my dad's side.
Speaker 3:Your own? Yeah. Okay. Gotcha.
Speaker 4:Because mom me and my mom, our relationship could be a lot better. It's definitely getting better.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. But
Speaker 4:that's what I was mentioning earlier. Like, I'm trying to, like, leave all of that in the past.
Speaker 3:Kinda leave the baggage in the past. Yeah. Like, work through it and work towards forgiveness.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:That's that's huge. I mean, especially, like, I feel like for, like, this current generation, my generation because, you know, I'm a little bit older than you. We know that. I'm I mean, heck, I'm 10 years older than you. You're 19.
Speaker 3:I turn 29 this year. Wow. So I'm 10 years older than you. I I think it's safe to say I'm in I'm not in your generation. Like, you're very squarely Gen z, and I'm very squarely millennial.
Speaker 3:Right. So Can I
Speaker 4:be a part of your generation? Can I be a part of your generation? Yeah.
Speaker 3:If you were born 10 years earlier. Wow. Okay. But
Speaker 4:I
Speaker 3:mean, hey, I don't make the rules. Like, I don't I don't define what the generation's side
Speaker 4:fit in anyway. So
Speaker 3:That's that is true. Yeah. But I I think that is like a real sense of maturity that you don't see really super frequently in Gen Z or even the millennial generation, or honestly, even in the generations before me. Right? It's just like recognizing the pain or the hurt or the trauma or whatever you wanna call it that's been caused by relationships and then approaching that from the viewpoint of wanting reconciliation to work through it and true healing.
Speaker 3:Right? Working through true healing in that as opposed to just holding on to that grudge and, like, getting stuck there. Right? You know, the like, oh, this person did this and this and this, and now I'm just, like, not gonna talk to them kind of thing. Right?
Speaker 3:Like, that actually like, that's that's admirable that you're even at 19, like, you're already recognizing that and you're starting to work through that process. Because I know people who got stuck there and they're my age. I know I'm actually one of those people where I'm like I'm starting to recognize some of the stuff that happened in my upbringing that, don't get me wrong, my parents you know, I lived in a 2 family household, but, you know, my parents weren't always the most emotionally available.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And that affected me for a very long time, led to a lot of really negative coping behaviors for me in just how I dealt with other things going on, especially painful things in my life. And it's only been the last roughly 3 years or so that I've really started working on that, like, recognizing it, and then started working on it where I've started to develop that self awareness of, like, oh, okay. I'm doing this because it's being triggered by this thing.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And this is what really needs to get healed. And then being able to take that to God and go, like, God, I don't know what to do with this. Right? And, you know, I was covered. I'm 10 years older than you.
Speaker 3:So the fact that you're doing that at 19, like, that sets you up for much later. Like, when you get older and you're, like, ready to settle down and get married and things like that, like, man, you're just gonna be, like, one of the healthiest dudes in a in a marriage.
Speaker 4:Hopefully. Hopefully.
Speaker 3:Hopefully. I'm praying for it. Hopefully. Yeah. I think that's probably a few years off for you.
Speaker 3:But but it doesn't change like you're gonna be one of the like, a really super healthy like, emotionally healthy person going into that marriage. And I think you've had a lot of at at least from the outside perspective, I think you've had a lot of, like, influences into that. Right? Because, like, you said you grew up in Dallas. More specifically, you go you grew up in Lake Highlands.
Speaker 3:Right?
Speaker 4:The area.
Speaker 3:The area. Right? The school district. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. But the area. Mhmm. And that ultimately led to what kinda makes you unique on our staff is that, one, you have the honor of being the youngest staff member.
Speaker 3:Right? Because you're 19, and everybody else is not.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:But you're 19, which means you graduated high school not this past May, but the May before that or maybe early June. Right?
Speaker 4:Early June.
Speaker 3:Early June. Mhmm. But early June of 2022.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Right?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So you had just graduated high school.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And did you go to LH?
Speaker 4:I went to Lake Highlands Junior High.
Speaker 3:Okay. So you went Lake Highlands Junior High.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. And then I transferred to Conrad High School. School.
Speaker 3:Conrad. Okay. But you still went to Thrive.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Right. And that's what makes you really unique is that for the listeners who don't know anything about Forerunner, as we've talked about, Forerunner is a mentoring organization that exists to serve boys in Lake Highlands to help them become men of God. Ryan actually phrased it very eloquently last week. Go check that out if you missed it. But Forerunner exists to help boys become men of God.
Speaker 3:Right? And specifically, we've been working with, most frequently, boys in Lake Highlands who don't have father figures.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? And we do that through a number of different ways. We do that through 1 on 1 mentoring, but we also do that through the after school mentoring program, and that is where all of these coaches work. Right? That's where I work.
Speaker 3:That's where Caitlin and Joel and and Jamari and Ryan that's where we all work, right, is in the after school mentoring program, Mentoring and pouring into these students through from kindergarten through, really, 12th grade, but the ASMP, the after school mentoring program specifically, is k through 8. And then the 9th through 12th grade, we have a program that is very similar, but it's also kinda more youth group style of the, like, it meets once a week for a couple hours, and we hang out, have pizza, play some games. And then there's a a brief lesson that Darius teaches, quote unquote, preaches. Mhmm. And then it's more games until it's time to leave.
Speaker 3:Right? Some small groups kind of thing. Right. Jamari went through Thryv. Right?
Speaker 3:He he is the in the unique position. And I think this is why I really wanted to get him on on the podcast, in that he is a forerunner. Right? He is somebody who went through our program and then turned around as soon as he graduated and got a job at 4 Runner to pour into the next generation.
Speaker 4:I love the way you phrased it. That was Yeah. That was really good.
Speaker 3:Right?
Speaker 4:Right. Yep.
Speaker 3:Like, that's what you did.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:You you literally like, you went through Thrive. And what what year did you join Thrive?
Speaker 4:That was 2022.
Speaker 3:Oh, so you only went through, like, 1 year of Thrive?
Speaker 4:Just one year.
Speaker 3:Just one year of Thrive. Your senior year of Thrive. Or your senior year of high school, you were in Thrive.
Speaker 4:Yep.
Speaker 3:And in that one year, that changed you so much that you turned around and chose to pour it, like, apply and pour it back into kindergartners for 2nd graders. What grade? Are you 3rd 4th grade?
Speaker 4:2nd or 3rd.
Speaker 3:2nd and 3rd.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So you you pour into second and third year grade students Mhmm. Like 7, 8 year olds. Right? 7 and 8 year old years old, and you're 19. Right?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. But I think that's something that's just so, like I don't know. It's just really cool to, like, see truly see the fruit of our program. Right? We talk about that all the time of we don't always get to see the fruit that we're of the of the seeds that we're planting.
Speaker 3:Right? We may plant a seed of, like, hey, you know, Jesus loves you, and they may not connect with that for 5, 6, 7, 8, 15 years. Right?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:You were in program for a year and probably not even a full year. Right? You didn't you didn't start going to Thriving the 1st week of August or the 1st week of school?
Speaker 4:It was, like, beginning half ish around, like, February.
Speaker 3:Like, February? January. January. So it was 2nd semester. So you were really only in Thrive for not even 6 months?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Yep. Wow. You were you were not in Thrive you were only in Thrive for, like, 6 months, and that impacted your life, obviously.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So how I think the question there is how did how did Forerunner impact your life so dramatically for you to, like, be so changed. Right? How did like, what Who poured into you? How did they impact you? How did you get from only being in Thryv for not even 6 months, really, probably 4 or 5 months
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:To being a man of God who works at 4 Runner, pouring into 7 8 year olds.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. So I think it all started when, honestly, speaking of, like, Darius and I don't know if they know Andrew Andrew, they started asking me the right questions, which got me to really, like, be vulnerable and think. Side note, I had a relationship with God before Thrive, and I actually thought I didn't even need Thrive because I
Speaker 3:You're like, I'm solid.
Speaker 4:Like, I'm I don't need Thrive. I mean, but my friend's going, I'll go. So I decided to go, and I liked it, and it just started to grow on me. Like, I really liked it. The experiences too, like, the rite of passage, the dinner they had The
Speaker 3:cooking and dinner?
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Yeah. And just the opportunities and the fact that I get to hang around people that's also, like, chasing after the same thing I'm chasing. And it was it was a pretty good experience. And I actually afterthought ended, I didn't even wanna really leave.
Speaker 4:I didn't wanna leave.
Speaker 3:Like, I don't wanna try to end.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But luckily, the opportunity came to me during the summer, I think. So yeah. During
Speaker 3:the summer.
Speaker 4:To to apply? Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So oh, like, you you still wanted to go to Thrive.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, you're like, I don't wanna graduate. I just wanna keep going to Thrive. Yeah. So what like, you just you said, like, the opportunities and, like, how did how did those change you?
Speaker 3:Right? So you you highlighted, like, the rite of passage, the company amend dinner, Darius and Andrew asking the right questions. What were some of those right questions? Like, how did that kinda shatter the whole, like, oh, I'm good. I don't need Thryv because I have a relationship with God.
Speaker 3:Like, how did that how did you get to the point of, like, oh, I actually you know, kind of this aloof, like, I don't need Thryv to the I don't want to leave Thryv.
Speaker 4:So when I had to, like, I don't need Thrive mentality, I'm walking in. I'm all like, well, let me see if they bearing fruit. Let me see what they got going on. So
Speaker 3:Oh, so you were looking for, like, people who were, like, legit
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Like, modeling Christ like behavior.
Speaker 4:Yes. Mhmm. Sad I think it was, like, my 1st week of Throb. I started to sit down. I'm like, okay.
Speaker 4:They're they know what they're talking about. And I and I just and it just started to become a reoccurring thing. Like, the questions they were asking me, like, usually, the way I grew up, and I'm glad I'm glad that you said something about, like, in a household where it's not really, like, that emotional, like
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:You know
Speaker 3:Availability. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm not used to people coming up to me really actually, like, intentionally, like, wanting to know how my day is, how am I doing today, how am I feeling, like, just really wanting to get to know me and how am I doing and actually, like, care for my well-being, if that makes sense. Not saying that, you know
Speaker 3:Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But it's
Speaker 3:there's a difference between a parent who provides for you your physical needs and a parent who does that as well as provides for your emotional needs. I think that is something I'm seeing that's a little more common than it should be, especially in kind of the demographic that we work in.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And I know that that was a lot of kind of my my childhood. I I had 2 sis or had I have 2 sisters.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:1 older, 1 younger. And there was just a host of mental illnesses between the 2 of them. And so because I was the quote unquote normal child with nothing wrong, I it felt a lot like I got put on the back burner. Right? Of like, oh, Josh is fine.
Speaker 3:My older sister is having a mental breakdown or whatever and needs all of our attention right now. Josh is fine kind of thing. And it just felt like that was really consistent. And so because of that, it just felt like, again, neither of my parents really did the whole, like, hey, how are you feeling today? Or how was your day?
Speaker 3:Or what are you feeling right now if I'm very visibly upset? Right? They didn't help me learn to process my emotions. They just kinda sent me to my room kind of thing, or grounded me, or whatever. Right?
Speaker 3:It was like, you know, if you're gonna be like that, go to your room until you calm down, and then you can come back out and play. Right? They didn't help me go like, why are you upset right now? You know what I mean? Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And because of that, like, that's how I learned to deal with things on my own. And it's still very like, Joel and I talked about this a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Like, that's a very real, like, big thing that I work through and have to work through is, like, how to ask for help. And I can tell you from like, I I remember this has been a thing since I was 6.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I remember a counseling appointment with a child psychologist where we talked about the fact that I don't ask for help. And I was 6 years old. And I'm almost 29. So that like 23 years of my life has been, and probably longer, has been me kind of lone wolfing it, right, and going, I don't need anybody. I can do it on my own.
Speaker 3:So and that, like I said, kinda came from my upbringing. There's a trying not to get too personal on the podcast. I think that ship sailed a while ago, but point is, yes. Like, I I understand what you're saying about, like, the parent who was not emotionally available, who or or even intentional about, like, helping process emotions. So it sounds like Darius and Andrew really started to fill that gap in in you, for you.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Was that accurate?
Speaker 4:Yep. Very accurate. To be honest, it was like I felt weird at first because I'm like, why are these random people asking me how, like, my day is going? Like, you know, just asking me, like, these really, like, good questions, and, you know, I I really started to like it. And I wanna
Speaker 3:It's almost like you needed it.
Speaker 4:Yes. Like, it was feeling like a void that to be honest, I didn't even know that was there. I didn't think that I needed that, but I really did. Yeah. Amazing god is.
Speaker 4:You think you're gonna need something, but then And he's like, no.
Speaker 3:You're wrong. You do.
Speaker 4:Yep. You
Speaker 3:do. There's, like, 5 people to do it for you.
Speaker 4:Right. So I was really appreciative of them. Like, I'm I'm so glad I get to, like, do kinda what they do now.
Speaker 3:So yeah. To be the person that asks the kid, like, hey. How how was your day? What are you feeling?
Speaker 4:Right. And I the to, you know, the parents that are not emotionally there, sometimes I don't think it's really their fault.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I don't think it's ever their fault.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I now that I think about it, it's probably more of like a generational thing. Like, the way, you know, some lines of generations just Mhmm. Got brought up. You just it just doesn't happen, that emotional connection, you know.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And I remember being young, having that feeling. I just want I just want you to, like, listen to me and, like, actually value what I'm saying or at least take it into consideration or, like, listen to me. I like To hear
Speaker 3:what I have to say. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That was a huge problem. To be seen. Yes. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And that was a huge problem, and I never got that. Right. So Until I went to.
Speaker 3:Right. So you had kind of this emotional need to be seen or valued or heard growing up, and then all of a sudden, now you're getting that in Thrive. And I'm guessing, like, week 1 of going to Thrive or maybe week 2 or something like that.
Speaker 4:Yeah. It it took a little time to kinda, like, notice that, you know.
Speaker 3:Right. But all of a sudden, it's like, oh, wait. Now there's somebody here that is doing that. And then you're like, I don't know what to do with that. Right?
Speaker 4:Yes. I think I remember telling Andrew one time, like, how do I accept, like, compliments and, like, genuineness? Like, actually, that's something that I struggle with struggled with for a while, just accepting, like, gifts, accepting things. Like, just accepting the good and not just expecting the bad, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:It's almost like, oh, you're giving me this gift. What's the catch? Right.
Speaker 4:Or I wanna accept it, but I don't know how. Like Without it
Speaker 3:being kinda this fake, like, oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And everybody knows, like Right. That's cap. Right.
Speaker 3:Right. As the kids say.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And that whole not being seen, that actually transitioned that into, like, when I was at school, like, I was always that person that seek out attention. Like, not class clown, but just did things to just to get attention because I never got it at home. Never got it anywhere. You know?
Speaker 4:So so
Speaker 3:you were, like, acting out in class Mhmm. Kinda thing. Because you wanted to be seen.
Speaker 4:Not acting out, but more so with with the things I said. Like, I wasn't, like, a bad, troubled kid. I was I was more so One
Speaker 3:would argue that nobody's a bad, troubled kid. Right. That
Speaker 4:that's very true. Like
Speaker 3:That is the identity that we pour into our kids is you're not bad. Right. You've done a bad thing, but you're not bad. Right. You're not a bad kid.
Speaker 4:Right. You
Speaker 3:are a man of God.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Just redirection. Yeah. I was more so the kid that just did follow I had a mask on, if that makes sense. Like Yeah.
Speaker 3:I know exactly what you're
Speaker 4:talking about. On this fake identity trying to fit in with everybody, like
Speaker 3:You wanted so badly to be liked.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:I was a huge follower. Like, I think since elementary, teachers been telling, like, you're such a leader. Like, you know, stop being a follower.
Speaker 3:And I You had teachers calling you out all the way in elementary school that you were a leader?
Speaker 4:Mhmm. But I never grasped it.
Speaker 3:I didn't even Until now.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Until now.
Speaker 4:I read something in a book. It says wisdom is something that you catch more than you it's not it goes something like, wisdom is something you catch rather than you receive or something like that. It's like something like that. Yeah. I think that I think that is what it said.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I like that. It makes a lot lot of sense now because we have so many, like, opportunities to get poured into when we're young, but we never like grasping until you get older.
Speaker 3:Yeah. The the dots don't click until you're like, oh, that's that's what that means, or that's how that works.
Speaker 4:Right. You you're right. But yeah. But, yeah, but now I'm thankful that I don't have to be that attention seeker. Like, I can just be myself and be okay with that.
Speaker 4:Actually, even past going to Thrive and becoming a coach like the community I'm around, now I know I don't have to, like,
Speaker 3:perform or anything like that. Are you talking about the community at forerunner or like your church community? What what what do you mean by community?
Speaker 4:Like, the coaches, staff, like I mean, sometimes I'm human. I will put on a mask, but it's not on anymore. Like, I don't have to, you know, put that mask on. Yeah. That's just something that I've been working on, not putting that mask on.
Speaker 3:So Not putting on that mask? That's that's a good word. I mean, I think we all do that. Right? I think we all put masks on.
Speaker 3:I know I do. Right?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:You know, mine isn't always the actually, very rarely is the whole, like, class clown, funny guy, whatever Mhmm. Persona. But my the mask that I typically put on is perfectionism. Right? Like, I cannot be wrong.
Speaker 3:And if I do get wrong or if I am wrong and I have to face the fact that I'm wrong, which, let's be real, I'm wrong a lot because I'm mentoring junior high students, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Right. Because a lot of the stuff they do, I'm just like, what? Well, maybe I'm wrong. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm like, well but even that, it's things like I you know, maybe I don't respond the best way in the moment. And, you know, I've been I've Darius has corrected me on some of those things, like in my semester evaluations and things like that where Mhmm. You know, he's called some of that out. And, you know, in those moments, like, it's really hard for me to accept, like, that I have a shortcoming, which sounds really weird when you're like, but we're all human. We all make mistakes.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But for somebody who, like, being the perfect child was the way going back to this whole family thing, childhood thing, like being the perfect child, being the child who had no problems was the way that I sought love, right, was because my parents it felt like my parents were so focused on my sisters that I was like, well, I don't have that. So how do I get their love and attention? I get their love and attention by outshining my sisters.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? By outdoing them, right? By setting the bar of achievements so high that they can't possibly ever overcome that. Right? And so that's how I ended up working my butt off.
Speaker 3:I got straight As my 9th 10th grade, except for 1 quarter, where I got 1 B in each of those years.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:It was 7 As and 1 B. How did you feel? I was crushed. I literally cried both ears. I'm not even kidding.
Speaker 3:I got one b and I literally cried both ears. I was like, dang it. Right?
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:So, like, it's something like that. It's like I'm or at the time, this has since changed, but at the time, I was the only kid who had graduated high school.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:At the moment, I'm the only kid who has graduated from college. Oh. That will change. My older sister is actually doing a lot better, and she's in college getting her degree in psychology, which is totally strange, knowing her. But, hey, like, she's crushing it, so keep going.
Speaker 3:And that even translated so far like, it continued to translate into the you know, I was, like, so driven by this academic success of having to set this bar so ridiculously high that I went to grad school. Oh. That was, believe it or not, one of the primary motivators for me going to grad school and getting a master's degree in lighting design. Because it was like, if I get a master's degree and I'm the 1st kid to get a master's degree 1st of all, neither of my parents have master's degrees. Right?
Speaker 3:In fact, I think I'm the only person in my family for a few generations, if not ever, that has a master's degree. Right? It was again, it was that driven by performance thing of it's like, if I can if I can achieve this thing and set this par so high Mhmm. Now I get my parents' love. Right?
Speaker 3:And so that's the mask that I've worn, and that comes like, the high achiever, like, overachieving whatever, that comes from perfectionism. And that's been a big thing in the last few years that's come out is, like, having to accept the mistakes that are made or the things that don't go perfectly. Things happen on a Sunday service pretty much weekly that are outside of my control, and I can't fix it. Right? Things just go wrong.
Speaker 3:And there are and that's I I feel like that's God's way of being because I'm literally in church.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:It's I feel like that's God's way of being, like, it's okay that it's not perfect.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Like, you have to learn to let this go. Mhmm. Right? Because, you know, there are just things that go wrong, and I can't do anything about it, especially in the middle of a service. It's like a light goes out.
Speaker 3:I can't just pull out a ladder in the middle of the sermon and change a lamp light bulb. Right. Like, it doesn't work. Right? And the it's things like that that I'm just I have to learn to let those go.
Speaker 3:And I've actually started to notice that there's this pattern that the more emphasis I put on a Sunday, right, if in my head it's like, oh, this is a really important Sunday because x y z, it's baptisms, or it's Easter, or it's Christmas Eve, or it's baby dedications, whatever it is, you know, it's like, oh, this is an atypical Sunday service. It's more important. I've noticed that that's when things tend to go more wrong. Right. Right?
Speaker 3:More things tend to go wrong because it's almost like god's like, no. It's just a Sunday service, and what matters is not how polished the service looks. What matters is your heart. So Right. Check yourself.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:So that's that's been a big thing that I've been learning. And I think that's something, kinda going back to that wisdom, like, those are the things that we're taught as kids, like, the wisdom we're taught as kids that doesn't click until later.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right?
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But I think that's what allows us to like, once that clicks, that's we turn around and we get to pour that into our kids.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? You know, it's the things that are like it's almost like we're only 1 or 2 steps ahead of them in terms of learning it. It's like, okay, this has finally clicked. I've been told this 3 or 4 times in the last 5 years,
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But it's finally clicked, and now I gotta turn around and pour that into you. So, hopefully, you don't make the same mistakes I did at 22.
Speaker 4:So will the porn ever, like like you know how our parents poured into us? We didn't get it until we're older. We're older. We try to pour into our kids. Like, they're gonna receive it when they're young.
Speaker 4:Yeah. They probably won't.
Speaker 3:They probably won't, like
Speaker 4:They're young. They're growing up. You know?
Speaker 3:But that goes back to the whole, like, planting seeds and fruit thing. Right? It's like we're planting those seeds Mhmm. And hoping that we see that fruit
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But accepting that we probably want to
Speaker 4:see. Right. Right. And you know what? That's okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It is. It is okay because at the end of the day, it's not about us.
Speaker 4:Right. Right?
Speaker 3:That's the thing about mentoring. Nobody gets into mentoring for their glory.
Speaker 4:Right. Oh, I hope I hope not.
Speaker 3:If if you're if you're in mentoring for your own glory, maybe
Speaker 4:Check themselves.
Speaker 3:Well, maybe ask God to to interfere because nobody does like, let's be real. Mentoring is not about me. Mentoring is not about you. Right? We don't do it because of anything it gives us.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Now we grow. Certainly, we grow in the midst of that, for sure. I know I've grown in the last 2 years of working at 4 Runner. Mhmm. I'm sure you would say the same thing in just the last year of working there.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Right? And we'll we'll jump into that here in just a sec. Mhmm. But at the end of the day, like, mentoring is not about anything that we get out of it. Right?
Speaker 3:We're like, mentoring is about like, exactly what you had hit about Thrive and and Mhmm. Why you started to crave it is it's about meeting the emotional needs, and maybe even physical needs depending on the situation, but the especially the emotional needs of your mentee. Right? They have or even spiritual needs. Whatever whatever the need is, that's what mentoring is, is meeting that.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? It's being the person that's consistent and showing up and going, like, it doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter how you feel, whatever.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I am going to be here, and I'm going to love you the same way all the time with the true agape love of Christ. Right?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So within that, within the whole shaping of, like, going through Thryv and having grown in Thryv, right, having Darius and Andrew and some other people, like, just intentionally ask you how you were feeling and becoming emotionally aware, things like that, then you came to be on staff as a coach. Mhmm. How did that start to shape you and grow you and stretch you and and, you know, all the things? Like, how how has being a coach and mentoring the next generation
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Changed you? One of
Speaker 4:the thing one of the fruits, actually, it produced even, like, it that area that area in my heart the most is patience. Oh, yeah. I thought I was a pretty patient person.
Speaker 3:And then you started working with 7 8 year olds?
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:And Same with 13 and 14, by the way. 7th and 8th graders really test your patience.
Speaker 4:And it's like, you think your patience won't get like, you think it's there, but then they find a way to kinda just Go
Speaker 3:over that threshold. Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Yeah. So it definitely grew the patience part of my life. And also, you think a blessing isn't gonna come, like not that you don't think a blessing isn't gonna come, but you you you know, have you ever prayed for something and then you kinda forgot that you prayed about it until, like, months later and then it actually, like Happened? Yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:I was praying for community opportunity to be used, and now that has happened, but I totally forgot that I even prayed about that. Like, that was, like, my early, like, getting to know God, getting that relationship with him. I wanted to be used. I want I want what you want. Surround me around a community.
Speaker 4:You use me to my fullest potential, and he's doing that. And I know he has even more in the future. So, yeah, it's definitely matured my relationship with God and also helped me in certain areas, you know, patience, kindness, being more compassionate because sometimes you can get caught up in, like, the redirection that you forget, like, the connection part. Mhmm. Sometimes you the connection is so good to where you forget to redirect them.
Speaker 4:And Beth said something really good. She said, don't let your kindness get in the way of their goodness or something like that. I don't know. Don't let or was it the other way around? Oh, was it the other way around?
Speaker 4:Don't let your goodness well, no. No. It was like, don't let your kindness get in the way of their goodness. So if you're not redirecting or not having a discipline, you're not really showing love because, I mean, someone that truly cares wants to see
Speaker 3:you reach your fullest potential. And if And that takes discipline.
Speaker 4:It does. It does. So, yeah, it helped me grow in so many areas. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So patience and what was the second one you said? Patience Maturity and your relationship with God. Mhmm. And there was another one, I think.
Speaker 4:Maturity in my relationship with God, patience, and God coming through when you, like
Speaker 3:Don't expect it. Don't
Speaker 4:expect it.
Speaker 3:That's fair. Yeah. The the patience thing was you you used this word redirection, and I know what you mean because we work in the same place.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But what exactly is a redirection? And, like, why is that important? I think you've kinda hinted at it with the idea of discipline. Mhmm. But, you know, just walk us through, like, what do you mean by a redirection, and how does kindness affect that?
Speaker 3:Or, like, you get so involved in the the kindness that you forget the redirection or you get so focused on the redirection that you forget the kindness. Like, what does that mean in in the scope of our program?
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Okay. So let's give an example. A kid keeps talking during bible time. They know what bible time is.
Speaker 4:Right?
Speaker 3:Probably not. What's bible time?
Speaker 4:Bible time is where, I think, k through 3rd or it would be 4th through 6th, we get together and we basically get preached about about the Bible.
Speaker 3:To learn things about the Bible.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Learning things about
Speaker 3:the Bible. That makes sense. I mean, bible time, time for the Bible. Right. Right.
Speaker 3:Self explanatory, but
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:You know. Anyway, so for bible time, kid keeps talking.
Speaker 4:And you tell them, hey. This isn't the time. We can you can talk during free time, GrowWork, other other things that we do throughout the day. There's other times to talk, but right now, it isn't that time.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. And they
Speaker 4:keep doing the same thing over and over and over. And the thing I had to learn is, like, you can't just, like, let it go through or, like, let it pass. Like, you can't be like, well, they're a kid, you know, I don't wanna be too harsh. Like, I don't want, Well, they're, you know, give like, I feel like that's not kindness and, like, compassion. That's just I don't think you not that you don't care, but, like, if I didn't care, I wouldn't tell you to stop.
Speaker 4:Because, like, if you was to get older, you're in a job interview, you're getting, like, taught thing like, when you get older, you're gonna get taught things. You're gonna be in rooms. You're gonna be in classrooms. You're gonna be in places where you're gonna get taught things. Like, you can't just talk whenever you wanna talk.
Speaker 4:Like, there's times to talk, and there's a time to, like, not. And I feel like I'm not helping you grow if I just sit there and let you just think that that's okay
Speaker 3:to just
Speaker 4:do whatever you want.
Speaker 3:Rather than holding them accountable and calling it out. Right.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And calling them up to their identity as a man cut.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. I I get that. For me for the junior high, we have some of that. Like, if they're talking during our lesson or whatever, like, it's a it's a little different in the sense that for you guys, like, you give a lot more redirections than we do in the junior high.
Speaker 3:Right? Especially for kind of those little minor things of, like, oh, you're talking when, you know, coach Caitlin is doing bible time
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Or whatever. Right? You know, you guys give a lot more redirections for that. For the junior high, we actually end up going through a or, like, through a progression where we're a little bit more tolerant not tolerant of the behavior, but we're a little bit more, like, redirecting y, if that is a that's not a word. But we we use more redirections on the front end at the beginning of the year because, like, we're still building that trust.
Speaker 3:But especially this year, by by, basically, spring break
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:After we came back from spring break, we're like, look y'all. You are 13 and 14. You're 3 or 4 years out from getting a job, maybe, if not even next year.
Speaker 4:You
Speaker 3:need to learn how to be respectful. So we're not doing this whole redirection, like, whatever. It's like we state the expectations. You know we're doing whatever, life skills life skills time or lesson time or whatever. It's like, you know the expectations.
Speaker 3:We're sitting down. We're attentive. We're quiet unless we're called upon.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:We're respectful. Right?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:If you're not doing that, you lose free time.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:That is your one and only warning. And that is what we did. And we had students who would consistently lose free time, you know, 5 or 10 or 15 minutes or whatever, of free time. And they get, like, an hour of free time. So it's, you know, it's one of those where, at the end of the day, like, they still get free time usually.
Speaker 3:But, you know, towards the end of the year, we're just like, we're I don't have the energy to deal with disrespect. And
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:At the end of the day, like, you're not learning anything if I'm not enforcing it. So Right. Here's the expectations. If you're not meeting the expectations, here's the consequence. It's your choice.
Speaker 4:Right?
Speaker 3:Towards the beginning of the school year, again, they're still learning those rhythms. Right? And so we're like, hey, you know, if I'm talking, we're not talking. Right? Or whatever.
Speaker 3:I'll use some kind of redirection to get them back on the, like, let's make a smarter choice. But eventually, it does get to that point of like, okay, I'm not putting up with this anymore because you're 13 years old. Like, you are old enough to understand the con that your actions have consequences. Right. It's different for a kindergartner who cannot think, you know, 30 minutes into the future of, I need to get through this 30 minutes, and then I get to talk and have free time.
Speaker 4:By the way, they think, like, 10, 20 minutes is, like, 2, 3 hours.
Speaker 3:Like I know. I'm aware.
Speaker 4:10 minutes? Oh, it's so long. Like, I promise you, it's not that long. Like, they think it's, like, a date.
Speaker 3:You're like, count to 600. Right. It'll be over. Right. Right.
Speaker 3:But yeah. It's it's that idea. It's like as a junior high student, it's like I mean, they're they're old enough to know. Right? And so we we are that way where it's like we're we give more directions on the front end during the first few or like the first part of program in in the year.
Speaker 3:But we do eventually shift that where it's like you guys are you know the rhythm. You know the expectations. I know you know the expectations because I ask you what the expectations are, and you paired it back to me. Right. Like, you can't tell me you didn't know the expectations because I just asked you 5 minutes ago what they were, and you told me.
Speaker 3:So if you're not doing that, now, it's like, I'm sorry. That was your choice. You've you've lost some free time kind of thing. And the other thing that we've that I've started doing with them, and maybe this isn't the best thing to do, I haven't I haven't fully decided on this one, Is, like, if a kid gets in trouble and they've lost some free time and we're having that conversation, right, they will I've I've had a few kids just be like, can we just talk about this and get it over with so that I can go back to free time? And I'm sitting there going like, I don't care about your free time because it's not my free time.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Like, your free time is not my free time. So at the end of the day, I don't care about your free time. Like, you lost that chance. We need to have this conversation, this disciplined conversation because of the choice you made. Free time like, the free time ship
Speaker 4:sailed. Right.
Speaker 3:It is not free time.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:It is, we have to talk about this now. Right? And that you know, I still do that in a loving way, where it's a lot of, like, okay. What happened? Why did this happen?
Speaker 3:What were you feeling? You know, walking them through all of that kind of processing stuff. Usually, this happens when there's been a fight or something like that.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? It's a lot of the, like, emotions are high. What happened? Why did it happen? How could we have made a better choice?
Speaker 3:Right? And I don't give them any of these answers. Right? I'm literally, like, guiding them into the self evaluation of, like, oh, this did not turn out the way I really wanted this to. Right?
Speaker 3:Because what kid is like, yes, I wanted to lose free time?
Speaker 4:No. No. You're not gonna get that.
Speaker 3:No kid is gonna I had one kid say it, but I I'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic. Right? But no kid is gonna say, I want to lose free time. Right? And they want their free time because that's when they get to go shoot hoops or play video games or do whatever basically, do whatever they want as long as they're not, like, hurting each other.
Speaker 3:Right? Mhmm. No kid wants to lose their free time. And so when they've lost free time, now I get to help them. And this is just a whole new aspect of mentoring in the discipline process, right, of, like, helping them through the process of self evaluation.
Speaker 3:Right? The idea the the same exact thing that you and I had started this conversation about, talking about, of, like, becoming emotionally aware, asking ourselves, okay, that did not go according to plan. So why? Like, where did this go wrong? And how do I fix this?
Speaker 3:Right? It's the same thing that I get to do with them where, you know, I'm guiding them through that. It's like, what were you feeling? Well, I was feeling this. Oh, like, okay.
Speaker 3:Cool. Why were you feeling that? What was what was being triggered? How did you respond? Then I throw in something along the lines of you become what you practice, which is pretty severing for them.
Speaker 3:They hate they hate that. You become what you practice. So if you're practicing throwing a punch when somebody makes you angry, guess what? In 5 years, when it matters, when you throw a punch, bad things happen. And, you know, I point that out.
Speaker 3:I'm like, so in 5 years, you get angry, you throw a punch. What's gonna happen? And they're like, I'm a go to jail. I'm like, if you're lucky. Oh.
Speaker 3:I'm like, if you're lucky, you go to jail. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:You never know. That's why you can't do it anymore.
Speaker 3:Never know. If you throw a punch, you never know how that other person is gonna respond. They could pull out a gun and shoot you.
Speaker 4:Yes. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? So practice now healthy conflict. Right? And disagreeing appropriately and being angry but not lashing out. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? Because in 4 years, if you're practicing that now, in 4 years when it matters
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:You're going to be able to deal with that in a healthy way.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Right? And so, again, guiding them through that, and it's like, okay. So how could we have made a better choice?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Like, ball's in your court. What could we have done differently? And what are we going to do differently next time? Right. Because there's going to be a next time.
Speaker 3:Let's be real. It's it's life. Life is messy.
Speaker 4:Know me.
Speaker 3:There's gonna be a next time.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:What could we have done differently? And what will we do differently? And going through that process, like, I've seen so much growth in my junior high students Mhmm. Just going through that process and being consistent in doing that process Mhmm. Of, like I've seen kids go from, like, getting in a fight day 1 to coming up to me and going, you know, at the end of the school year, you know, and having a bad day.
Speaker 3:And they're like, coach Josh, I'm having a bad day. I just need to be left alone. And I'm like, cool.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:There's a chair over there. You can go have like, you can go hang out by yourself, be on your phone, whatever. Just, again, keep it clean because, you know, we're at 4 Runner.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But there's a chair over there, and I'll make sure that kids leave you alone.
Speaker 4:I a 100% prefer that than you putting your your hands with somebody
Speaker 3:else. Exactly. I'm like, I would much rather you come up to me and say, I'm not feeling it today Mhmm. Than going and hitting somebody. Because if you're not feeling it today, well, either either out or either event, I'm gonna figure out that you're not feeling it today.
Speaker 3:Right. But if you tell me that, we can be proactive in going, okay. You're not feeling it today. I get that. I'm still glad you're here.
Speaker 3:You know, I'm I'm I'm glad you're here. My only ask is that you stay respectful for the 20 minutes of lesson time in this 2 hour program. So if you can do that, I will work with you and give you leniency on all of the other expectations, right, of being here for these different aspects of program and being present for these different aspects of program. Like, if you wanna just go sit in a chair and be on your phone, I will give you that latitude. If you can because you came to me and you said, I'm not feeling it.
Speaker 3:I'm having a hard day. I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna be left alone. I'm like, cool. I can work with you with that.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:You hit a kid. Obviously, you're not feeling it, but now we have a bigger problem. We have to talk about it.
Speaker 4:That transition is beautiful, though, from putting your hands on someone. Oh, it is. It's that's hopefully, they realize that when they're, like, older like that trend, that that's so much growth that
Speaker 3:Honestly, those are the days that make me cry.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:When I see a kid, like, make the healthy choice to see that fruit, I'm just like, I'm so proud of them. Right. I'm so proud of them. Mhmm. Right?
Speaker 3:Yeah. And and then you get to turn around and and reinforce that positively. And you're just like, dude, like, that's huge. Thank you so much for telling me this, instead of, you know, beating up Timmy or whatever the kid's name is. Right?
Speaker 3:It's like, thank you so much for telling me this. Like, this is the healthy choice. Keep doing this because, like, I can work with you in this case. Right? So but what are some other ways that 4 Runner has kinda changed you, or do you have any similar stories or anything like that?
Speaker 3:Oh. I'm sure you have stories. You guys have, like, 35 kids.
Speaker 4:My patience definitely got tested. I think it was a mom's night. Mom's night is where moms are in one section of the building, like, on another side, like, in a different, like, like, a different building, and then there's another building where me and there's usually another coach or it might be me or it might be another coach by themselves with the other kids.
Speaker 3:But basically providing childcare where mom is getting ministered to.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. And 2 kids. We okay. There was one half that was inside. There was one half, like, on a basketball court outside.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And they decided to play hide and seek
Speaker 3:Oh, no.
Speaker 4:And get outside in the parking lot and run around.
Speaker 3:Oh, no.
Speaker 4:And I couldn't find them for like a cool, like, 5, 10 minutes. They were hiding in the restroom the whole time. And I was extremely mad because I'm like, I had my eyes on you. You ran out, ran right back around into the back, went in, and hid in the restroom for, like, 10 minutes. I have I think I went to the other side where the moms were at, and I let the other coach coach Bailey know, and then I think I let the yeah.
Speaker 4:I let the mom know. And then
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Just, hey. By the way, this is going on. Don't worry. I'll figure it out.
Speaker 3:Right. But just so you're you're aware because Right. And then mom finds out that her kid's missing, it's bad. Oh. It goes bad.
Speaker 4:I did not want that to happen. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:No. It's it it's bad.
Speaker 4:And then I was looking for them for, like, 5, 5 ish minutes, look in the restroom. They're laughing, you know, underneath, like, the countertop, you know, just laughing, having a good old time, you know, but in
Speaker 3:in the inside nothing of this being a problem. Yeah.
Speaker 4:It's just hide and seek, you know. It's it's nothing, you know, running in the parking lot, you know, going back and forth. You know? Yeah. They're just having a fun time.
Speaker 4:And but in the inside, I was, like, so mad. Like, I don't think I've ever been as mad as I was in that moment. Like
Speaker 3:Well, because you were afraid.
Speaker 4:Yes. Like, I did not want, like let's say if they were running the parking lot and there was, like, a car.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Or
Speaker 3:And it wasn't let's be real. Let's clarify this. It wasn't you were afraid of the consequences to you for the kid going missing.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Like, you at in that moment, you're like, I don't care what happens to me.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:I'm afraid for this kid because there are cars. I don't know where they are. If I don't know where they are, they're not safe because I can't ensure their safety if I don't know where they are.
Speaker 4:Do you there's so many things that happen in the world. Like, it could like, anything can go wrong
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:So fast, and, oh, that would just not be a good No. Uh-uh. That it made me it made me it made me mad. It made me really mad.
Speaker 3:So how did you deal with that?
Speaker 4:Well, I'll definitely let the mom know and the other coach that they're good. Coach Bailey had talked to them, and it got settled, and they were inside. But how I handled, like, my as far as, like, my patience getting to it?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Like, how did you handle the emotional side of that?
Speaker 4:Usually, when I'm feeling myself get pretty mad, I just say, Lord, you got it. I don't. So I'm a let you have it. I I don't want it. You can have it.
Speaker 4:So I'm just you can have it.
Speaker 3:I'm like, I can't control this. Yep. But you are bigger than everything.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Here. You control this.
Speaker 4:You can have it.
Speaker 3:You can control this, and I'm just along for the ride. Mhmm. Tell me where to go. Show me what to do.
Speaker 4:I will try my best, but you got it. Mhmm. And yeah. That's basically how I handled that. I don't think of another story.
Speaker 4:Oh, I had at the beginning of program, the kids usually line up to go inside. Oh, go inside. They usually line up to go inside, and I had 2 kids run out and climb up a tree Oh, no. Like, to the top.
Speaker 3:Like, top top. Like
Speaker 4:Top top.
Speaker 3:Branches bending top. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And I think it was, like, coach Beth or, like, one of, like, the top, like, people, like, that's
Speaker 3:A full time staff. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yep. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:One of the full time, like, directors.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Yeah. They're watching. They see. I don't know if I
Speaker 3:don't know. I think it
Speaker 4:was coach Beth. I don't know if she
Speaker 3:saw surprised me.
Speaker 4:But I don't know why, but they come at, like, the worst time sometimes.
Speaker 3:Oh, they're so skilled at it.
Speaker 4:Like
Speaker 3:They walk in at the worst possible moment. It's like program is going super smooth until just before they walk in.
Speaker 4:Right. I don't know why it's like that. Like, my kids, like, sometimes they're a little rowdy, and
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to walk them to, like, recess or something. Some usually, sometimes it goes pretty good, but then there's some times where we're, like, we're just really energetic. And that's usually the times where coach Tara, coach Beth, you know, Steven, you know, just outside, you know, just watching. And, yeah, I appreciate that, you know, so much. That's so fun.
Speaker 3:Right. Because you're just like, I promise this is not an accurate reflection of my abilities.
Speaker 4:Like, don't fire me. I don't wanna get fired.
Speaker 3:But I think at the same time, like, that kinda at least for me, I've noticed that that tends to, like, light a fire under me of, like, okay, guys. We're not meeting expectations. I know it. You know it. Coach Darius knows it because he's watching me right now.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Like, we need to lock this in right now.
Speaker 4:Right. Mhmm. So oh, it definitely lights a fire. Mhmm. For sure.
Speaker 4:Like and then you feel like you're not doing your job right, which I promise you I am. I just it just isn't looking the best right now.
Speaker 3:Right. Exactly. It's the again, it's the perfect, like, you came at the perfectly worst possible moment to see to witness the worst moment of program all day. We've been fine all the way up until 3 minutes ago when you showed up.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:And it's nothing against them. Please don't hear me say that I'm blaming our full time staff. No. It just, their typing is impeccable.
Speaker 4:I was the only one that experienced
Speaker 3:Oh, no. Dope. Alright. We gotta land this plane because we've been talking for over an hour. So, Jomari, we have one last question.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:It is the title of the episode, it is why I mentor. So why I think I kind of know the answer just from what we've talked about and, like, your your upbringing and being a part of Thryv, that kind of thing. But why like, what is the why behind mentoring for you? Why do you show up every day at 4 Runner working a part time job
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Pouring in your a 100% of yourself into 8 or 9 or 10 kids all at the same time, which, you know, anybody does that math. That doesn't work very well. Right? Because that's a 1000%. Like, how does that happen?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. But what is, like, what is the why? Like, why do you show up?
Speaker 4:Well, I have 3 parts. On part 1, I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to reach my full potential while I'm here. And if God wants me right here, right now, then I want to do that. I want to be obedient as best as I possibly can because, side note, I am human.
Speaker 4:I am flawed.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:And I could be very selfish in my human What
Speaker 3:you can?
Speaker 4:In my human
Speaker 3:In your humanness?
Speaker 4:Humanism. Yes. Humanity? Yes. In your humanity.
Speaker 4:You're right. I think us as humans, we sometimes get wanna just do, I wanna do what I wanna do. Adam and Eve, duh. Like Right.
Speaker 3:I mean, that's that's how we ended up in the world we have today.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Eve. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 3:I think we I think we maybe don't need to blame Sorry, Eve. Blame Eve. I mean, I don't think we need to blame anybody. Sorry. If you look at it I mean, technically, Adam was just as culpable as she was.
Speaker 3:He was standing right there.
Speaker 4:Oh. Are you trying to bring on a debate between who Oh. Who Baldi was?
Speaker 3:We we can we can do that after. After we stop hitting or after we stop recording, we'll we'll talk about it. Okay. So you wanna do what God has called you to do?
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Okay. What's part 2?
Speaker 4:Part 2, I want to give those kids the opportunity that I didn't have, especially when it comes to the emotional aspect. I wanna be there for them. I want to be that person they they can come to and that I can understand what they're going through, especially with the single parent households and, you know, things like that. So, yes, definitely that part. And part 3, they help me out just as much as, hopefully, I help them out.
Speaker 4:Wait. No.
Speaker 3:Not hopefully. I'm pretty sure you help them.
Speaker 4:Hopefully. Hopefully, I'm planting them seeds.
Speaker 3:I don't I don't think there's a hopefully. I think you are planting those seeds.
Speaker 4:Thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3:You're welcome.
Speaker 4:I'm not gonna say hopefully. Oh, I don't wanna sound, like, really, like, prideful, but I'm planting those seeds, sharpening them while they're sharpening me. We're
Speaker 3:I don't yeah. I don't think that's prideful at all. I think that's just the reality of mentoring. Right? Right.
Speaker 3:I think and I think those three reasons are really, really admirable reasons. I think part 1 is the whole, like you said part 1 was I wanna do what God God has called me to do. Mhmm. And I think, like, that is I mean, yeah. Like, we all need to do that.
Speaker 3:Right? If you're not doing what God's calling you to do Right. Something's wrong. Like, you you probably need to go read Jonah because he tried that and it didn't go very well. Right?
Speaker 3:So if you're not doing what God's calling you to do, like I don't know. Maybe it's just asking God every day, like, God, what is what is your will today? Or what are you calling me to do today? Mhmm. I think that honestly, I think that's all it takes.
Speaker 3:Right? It's not, God, what is your calling on my life? What are what are you calling me to do tomorrow or next year or in this season? I think it truly is just, God, what are you calling me to do today? And then being obedient to go and do that.
Speaker 3:Right? And I think that kinda ties into Matthew 6 where it talks about, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow is its own day. Instead, worry about the anxieties of today. Right. You know, and then give it to God because he doesn't call us to actually be anxious about anything.
Speaker 3:He wants us to be peaceful. Right?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But the point there is it's like, I don't think I think we as humans get too caught up in in the future, right, and planning and thinking through, like, oh, I'm gonna do this, or I'm gonna do this, or I'm gonna do this over the summer, or I'm gonna go here, or I'm gonna say this. It's like, what if it's just as simple as, god, what are you calling me to do today? Right. You know, is it going and making disciples? Is it pouring into boys without fathers?
Speaker 3:Is it giving somebody, you know, a dollar? Is it ministering to the homeless? Is it inviting the random person at Walmart to church? Like, whatever it is
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Like, I think it's I think it's more just like being sensitive to the Holy Spirit
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And asking God, like, what is your will Mhmm. And then going and doing it. Right? And and in my experience, like, that has been brought some of the most joy in my life, right, has been the days where I'm not trying to do my own thing. And it's just like, god, what do you have planned?
Speaker 3:And let's just go do that because that is way more fun. Right?
Speaker 4:Mhmm. And way more peaceful.
Speaker 3:And way more peaceful. Because, you know, at the end of the day, if it's god's will, like, it's gonna work.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Right? So I love that. Part 2, you said, was giving the students what you didn't have. And I think that's just awesome. I mean, in the sense of, like, you grew up going through the things that they're going through.
Speaker 3:Right? And I know I've had the same kind of experience where I've seen myself in my kids of like, they're acting out or whatever. And I'm like, Oh, I did that when I was their age. What was the thing I didn't have? What was the emotional need that wasn't being met?
Speaker 3:What did I wish I had that I didn't? And then now I get to be the person that meets that for them, right, is, you know, this whole, like, I want to be that person. And I know that you you're in the same boat. It's like, I wanna be that person who they have confidence is going to always be there. Right?
Speaker 3:Who's going to love them unconditionally no matter what they've done or who like, yeah. Mostly what they've done. Right?
Speaker 4:Uh-huh.
Speaker 3:Because kids try to push you away.
Speaker 4:Right. Yeah. Or what they will.
Speaker 3:They'll they they're testing to see if you're you know, it's, are you really gonna love me if I do this?
Speaker 4:I think the more they push you away, the more they might need you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. The more they push you that's such a good word. The more they push you away, the more they actually need you. Right?
Speaker 3:And then the third part of that was just seeing the benefit in your own life to mentoring, right? They've changed you as much as you're impacting them. I think every coach agrees that, like, one of the best parts of our job outside of the community like Forerunner is a family. Let's be real.
Speaker 4:Alright.
Speaker 3:But outside of that, like, I think one of the best aspects of our job is getting to witness the fruit that we see with the kids. Right? It's you know, we've been constantly planting and watering those seeds and just always watering those seeds. And we get to see that fruit, sometimes, not always. And, you know, it's not a guarantee that you're gonna see the fruit.
Speaker 3:Right? If you're and if you don't, like, that's not something to be discouraged by because you know that at the end of the day, it's God's timing at hand. And, you know, at play here. Right? Like, we may not see that fruit grow.
Speaker 3:There are kids that are in my program or that were in my program who were 8th graders that, you know, I'm not gonna get to see next year. And I am continually still praying for them, hoping one day to run across them on Instagram or Facebook or whatever
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And to see the fruit that I planted.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Right? And I have faith that that's going to happen. But you kinda hinted at it. You said, I'm sharpening them, but they're sharpening me as well. Like, there's a personal benefit to that.
Speaker 3:And I think that's something that we sometimes forget. You know, at Forerunner, one of our primary core values is relationships change lives. Right? And we believe that relationships change lives. I mean, when changed lives, it's on our shirts.
Speaker 3:Like, we say it all the time. We believe that relationships change lives. And we usually use that in the context of, like, our relationship with the kid is helping the kid. Right? The student be like fulfill their potential, become a better person, become a man of God, whatever.
Speaker 3:But I think we sometimes forget that the idea that relationships change lives goes 2 ways. Right? That our students and our relationship with our students is sharpening us and making us better just as much as we're pouring into them. Like, they're they're ministering to us in ways that we may not even realize right away. Oh.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, really fast story because I we do need to land or, like, wrap this up. But I was teaching in in the spring semester this past year. I was teaching the students the theme was money management for the week. Right?
Speaker 3:And we were introducing it on a Monday. Monday is our manhood Monday. We teach you know, it's the idea, like, we teach them what it means to be a man of god. Right? So in this case, we were teaching them, like, personal finance and money management.
Speaker 3:And we were teaching them how to or, like, what kind of the 5 main ways you manage your money or what you do with your money are. Right? So things like you can spend it, you can save it, you can invest it, you can reinvest it, or you can give it. And the big one that we were teaching them with giving it was tithing. Right?
Speaker 3:And as part of this lesson, which was kind of not planned, like, I was not asked to do this Yeah. But I felt like, you know, it gave it helped give them a better picture of, like, personal finance. I literally pulled up my budget Mhmm. For the month on the screen and showed them my personal finances for the month.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? Not like all of the transactions, but the like, all the categories of, like, this is how much I spend on rent. This is how much I spent on gas. This is how much I spent on electricity or water or whatever or, you know, food. Right?
Speaker 3:Just to give them kinda that real world, like, this is this does matter. Mhmm. You know, kinda we talked about earlier the the whole, like, imparting wisdom and it not clicking right away. Like, that kind of idea. Right?
Speaker 3:I was, like, showing them, like, this is the real world application to what we're teaching you right now. Mhmm. And one of the things that we've been like I said, one of the things we'd taught them was that you could give your money. Right? And Mhmm.
Speaker 3:One of the best ways to do that is tithing at your church. Right? Because God calls us to tithe.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:And my tithing category had $0 in it, like, for the month because I hadn't been tithing. And I was like, woof. I feel really convicted right now Right. That I'm teaching these kids that they should be tithing, and I'm not. So I'm like, this is the in my head, I'm going, this is the pot calling the kettle black, and I need to fix this, like, right now.
Speaker 3:So I I committed to them literally, like, in front of 12, 7th and 8th graders. They're like, look, we've been teaching you guys that you should be tithing. And obviously, I'm not doing that right now. Mhmm. I'm telling you guys right now, like, that I'm committing to putting basically putting my money where my mouth is.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I'm gonna start doing this. Right. Because I'm supposed to, and I'm not. And, you know, that's not being a man of integrity.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:So that's just a kind of a real world example of, like, them sharpening a knee. And they didn't even do anything. They just sat there and were absorbing information. Right?
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:But it's the same idea. It's like it's it's like God is using these kids to minister to us and sharpen us to become to fulfill our potential just as much as we're helping them fulfill their potential.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And I think that is just a beautiful picture of mentoring.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Right? Mhmm. You think it goes one way, but it really goes
Speaker 3:one way. Both ways. That's a two way street. Yep. So that's so good.
Speaker 3:So grateful. So grateful. Yeah. That's so good. Alright, Jamari.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today. It's man, we talked about some really just amazing things
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:As normal. These conversations don't go any anything like I expect them to, and I love that about about these conversations. The unexpected. The unexpected. It just it makes it better.
Speaker 3:Right. So as we wrap up, just last question. Do you have any, like, last encouragements for our listeners?
Speaker 4:Be obedient. Don't be Jonah. Don't be a Jonah. Don't be don't be Jonah. Don't be Jonah.
Speaker 4:Be obedient. You might think the grass is green on another side, but it's not. The world is temporary. Obey God. 2nd, get out of your comfort zone.
Speaker 4:Like, it would be probably it would be the best decision you, whatever, like, make. But the problem is is getting to the part where you decide, hey, let me get out of my comfort zone because you're comfortable, you don't want to leave, but, like, do it. Yeah. Like Just go do it. Right.
Speaker 4:Go do it. If you're not scared of, like, what you're doing right now, then you're not doing it right. Like, go.
Speaker 3:Yeah. If you're not scared right now, you're in your comfort zone.
Speaker 4:Right. Go do something scary, like, right now. Like Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, think about the thing that scares you the most and just go do it.
Speaker 4:Do it, like, now.
Speaker 3:Like, stop listening to this podcast.
Speaker 4:Why are you still here? Just go do it. They're still here.
Speaker 3:I know. I think they're still here. I I think they are. Because if
Speaker 4:you're hearing what we're saying right now, you're still here.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Go. Go. Love you. Go.
Speaker 3:Go make disciples. Go do the thing that scares you.
Speaker 4:Right. Do what God called you
Speaker 3:to do. Oh. Yeah. Go do the go do the thing that God called you to do. I'm pretty sure I I I'm I'm I have faith Right.
Speaker 3:That the thing that God is calling you to do is outside your comfort zone.
Speaker 4:It is. It's a a 1000 to a 100 like, a 1000%. A 1000%.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So if you're if you're still listening, why?
Speaker 4:Like You're still here. I love you. I would love for you to, like, keep listening, but, like, you're here and
Speaker 3:For real. Like, hit pause. Just stop listening. Right. Go do the thing that scares you.
Speaker 3:Yep. And remember that you can mentor.
Speaker 4:Yep. Bye. Bye. Bye. See you.