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I truly believe every woman needs to hear this episode.
My guest is Jan Langbein, CEO of Genesis Women’s Shelter and a nationally recognized authority on women’s rights and safety. For more than three decades, Jan has dedicated her life to helping women reclaim autonomy, rebuild their self-respect, and survive in a world that too often tries to silence them.
In this powerful conversation, Jan shares a stark warning about what she describes as new and growing threats to women’s fundamental rights. She explains how these encroachments could impact women’s ability to vote in upcoming elections, and why she believes married women may face particular vulnerabilities.
No matter your political views, Jan’s message is clear and urgent. She outlines what we should be watching for, what’s at risk if we stay silent, and—importantly—the hope she still holds. Together, she reminds us, we have the power to push back and create real, lasting change.
If you care about your future and the futures of the women you love, please make time to watch or listen to this essential episode. Forward it to a friend, share it on your socials, and bring someone along—because what’s at stake affects all of us.
#WomensRights #ProtectWomen #JanLangbein #GenesisWomensShelter #WomensVoices #SilenceIsNotAnOption #EqualityForWomen #TakeAction #PodcastEpisode #AdvocacyMatters #StandTogether
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jan: [00:00:00] As hard as we have fought for the vote and women's rights and equity and equality, uh, it is so easy, particularly in this climate, how easily it can slip away. The reaction I typically get from people is, oh, that'll never happen here. That'll never happen in America. There's some really powerful people who participated in this.
Debauchery, I don't even know what the right word is this disgusting. Perverted behavior and they don't want it to come out, but I say pull it all out. Pull it out of the dark. I have tried to
jane: tell younger women who, I love these younger women, and I'm like, honey, there's a price to pay when everything
jan: is given to you.
When they talk about a traditional wife, that really means he's the man of the house and she's just not. And I, I would caution someone, be careful.
jane: Welcome to Ageless with Jane McGarry, where we celebrate vibrant [00:01:00] health, self-care, timeless style, and finding purpose at every age. Because around here, age truly is just a number.
I am gonna start with a question today. If you were left in the woods, would you rather be left with a bear or a man? Okay. I'll give you my answer in just a little bit and we'll get your answer also. But when I called my guest today or when I reached out. I intended to talk about women and where we are, our rights and stuff like that.
But I was kind of surprised when she said, I wanna talk about the bear and the man. So let me intro. I'm gonna let her explain this. Let me introduce to you a long time friend of mine, an advocate for women. She's helped a lot of women in her life. CEO of Genesis, women's Shelter, Jan Lang. Jan, it is fabulous to see you.
jan: I love seeing you. We go back so [00:02:00] far, Jane, I swear it has to be 30 years, right?
jane: Well, I think I was thinking about it. We did the first Genesis Women's Shelter, mother's Day luncheon together. I think it was the first, wasn't it?
jan: It was almost the first. It was right up there with, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
jane: And since then you've, I mean, we.
I, I MCed the luncheon when, uh, Laura Bush was a guest, and Naomi Judd, and, and you just had all, you've done fabulous work for women through that luncheon. And before we get to talking today, I just wanna say thank you so much for everything that you do for women.
jan: I'm so blessed. I gotta tell you, I feel blessed to get, to have this job, to be able to make a difference in this world.
It's not anything I set out to do. I'm not from abuse. I, uh, you know, it, it was a, it's, it is a passion of mine now, but I really rarely thought about it, um, until, uh, I thought about it and then I don't know how you walk away from it. I really don't. [00:03:00]
jane: Well, you haven't walked away, that's for sure. I, I'm not
jan: gonna either.
jane: Okay, so you wanna talk, you wanted, you said you wanted to talk about the The bear or the man Yeah. Also the Handmaid's Tale. Yes. And I want us kind of set the stage here by saying, the reason I'm interested in your perspective on women's rights and where we are is because for decades you have worked with women, abused women families, and you have a perspective.
I wanna see this through your lens because you have perspective and experience that I don't have and very few people have. So that's sort of the reason I'm really interested in your perspective on all of this. Yeah,
jan: and I'm super excited because as you say, not everybody does, but my goal here today is to fill everybody's pockets, particularly women, everybody's pockets on this, these, these, uh facts, this data, the this information so that we can all be kitchen it.
Kitchen [00:04:00] table ambassadors when it comes to the safety of women. So I'm excited, uh, to talk about man versus bear. Um, this was something that came out, I wanna say on social media maybe at about a year ago. Yeah, I think it was. And there was talk about, you know, if you were, uh, lost in the woods and you came upon, uh, something, uh, would you, uh, wish it was a man or would you wish it was a bear?
And the outpouring on social media was clearly I would rather run into a bear in the woods than a man. Now, let's think through that. Why? Why would that be? Um. There are many reasons, but number one, there are only 20, about 20 bear attacks every single year. And there are millions of women who are attacked by men, millions of women.
Um, you know, they bears aren't going to attack unless they are attacked. They are not going to sexually assault you. They are not going to gaslight you. They're not gonna take your [00:05:00] money and your vote and your, you know, your job away from you. Um, and so. When we start looking at, uh, the power and the control that men can have over women, uh, particularly isolated women, um, I think you may be just safer with a bear.
The other thing too is Jane, uh, when if you're attacked by a bear, not one person is gonna say, how much had you had to drink? Now one person is gonna say, what did you have on. And when, oh yeah, you attack, the women are sexually assaulted or, or, um, assaulted in their own home by an intimate partner. You know, there's that judgment piece.
Why did you do that? Why did you go there? Why don't you just leave? Why don't you just instead of. What kind of man beats a woman? You know, we go back to that. So,
jane: so, but I can just hear women out there because although there are a lot of attacks on women, let's say the majority of women aren't attacked.
And I can just hear women out there saying, yeah, but that's the extreme. I [00:06:00] don't have to worry about that. I, you know, I'm safe with my man. I feel good with men or whatever. I, I don't, that's really just the extreme.
jan: It's not the extreme though. Oh my gosh.
jane: Be before we got on this call, before we got on this, uh, yeah, this, this podcast today, you said to me you are very worried right now about Yeah.
Regular women. So can you get into that?
jan: As hard as we have fought against it, as hard as we have fought for the vote and women's rights and equity and equality, uh, it is so easy, particularly in this climate, how easily it can slip away.
jane: Okay. So that's really what I wanna get into.
jan: Yeah. Okay. Because
jane: you also said, how long has it been since you've read The Handmaid's Tale?
Right. So really, that's really what I wanna get into. What are the parallels you see? You're, you're not what I think of as a particularly catastrophic or liberal, or whatever you wanna call it, kind of personality. [00:07:00]
jan: Well, no, and this issue is isn't on one side of an aisle or another, it's, it's a gendered issue.
It, it primarily attacks women, but it's not a gender issue. In other words, men are, uh, involved in this as well, uh, and not just as the perpetrators. These men, men are sons and brothers, and. Fathers and uncles. And because it impacts the women in their lives, it impacts their lives as well. And, and men have such an opportunity to stand up and do the right thing and hold other men accountable.
Um, but when we look at, uh, Handmaid's Tale, now this was written in the. Eighties. Yeah. And all of a sudden, if, if you've seen it, if you haven't, you need to, you need to binge watch like I do on a regular basis. But, uh, the, the elimination of gender, um, equality happened before their very eyes. And there are quotes in there.
I'm not gonna get this right, but there are quotes in there like, you know, when they, uh, attacked congress. We didn't say anything, and when they took my job away, I didn't [00:08:00] say anything. When they took my credit card away, I didn't say anything, and then all of a sudden I'm. I'm a handmaid or I'm an a, a Jezebel, or I'm cleaning up toxic waste, or I'm an un woman.
The mere phrase un woman makes me, makes me crazy as well. Look at the conversations where we are today, project 2025. There are people, there are people who want to repeal the 19th Amendment. It took us a long time to get the right to vote, so our right to vote came in 1920. Sorry. Women's right to Vote came about in 1920, but only white women's right to vote.
Women of color, indigenous women, L-G-B-T-Q, all of the other groups didn't happen until 19, I think it was 65 or 67. Um, and so we have worked so hard for this, for this vote, and yet there is a, uh, a church, a leader of a church that's in [00:09:00] Moscow, Montana, Idaho, is where. Is it Idaho? It's Mo,
jane: it's, it's, I believe it's a Moscow, Idaho.
Because I just listened to the podcast and what he said fundamentally, was he Yes. Would like to have a household vote
jan: Yes.
jane: Instead of project 2020, A woman says
jan: that. Yeah. Yeah.
jane: I was appalled. Project
jan: 25. Says one household, one vote per household. So let's say, uh, I don't know what you do, but my husband would have the call of that vote.
Doesn't matter what I, who I wanted to vote for, right? One man, head of household has the vote. Let's say we have two kids in the house and grandma's living with us, still five people. One, one opportunity to vote. Um, and the man, he said
jane: specifically, the man would be the person to vote. That's
jan: right. This is 2025 Jane, 150 years later, we, you know.
We've had the vote, and yet how could this slip away from us so quickly? And that's the thing, if, if [00:10:00] we can look at issues today through the eyes of women and, uh, particularly abused women, uh, and watch how our, um, elected officials, some of them are trying to slide things by us. So there's an act called the SAVE Act.
Mm-hmm. And the Save Act, um, basically says that you have to show two forms of identification. It was to. They say it's to keep people who aren't eligible to vote in our country from voting in our country, which in the first place, they're not eligible, but they're saying now, if with the save act, if it passes the Senate and, and gets signed, um, it means that you would have to show two forms of identification, one being your birth certificate.
Well, my birth certificate, and it has to have the exact same name, right? So my birth certificate says. You know Janice K. Lang, uh, Janice k Edgar, my id, my passport, my driver's license is Jan Edgar Lang, and so. How does that impact [00:11:00] particularly women? How does that disenfranchise women? How about native women who are maybe weren't born in a hospital and have no birth certificate?
How about women? You know, on and on and on. Uh, we could keep going on that, but are we going to let our vote slide away from us? Uh, and I hope not.
jane: Okay. I have so many things I wanna get to here. What are some of the other things that you're seeing that are worrisome to you?
jan: There's another act called the Comstock Act, and I think it was from the early eight, uh, early 19 hundreds or the late 18 hundreds.
And basically it was a law that was passed to keep from sending Pornogra pornography through the mail. Right, okay. Uh, and I'm. Like I've said before, I'm fine with that, except I think they ought to burn all pornography, but that's just my opinion. But, uh, what they're trying to add to that are things like, um, certain drugs, uh, certain medical supplies, basically [00:12:00] meone, which, um, is, you know, it all has to do with taking away our right for healthcare, right.
They've already taken away our right to choose. And so what else are we going to let them take away? And as easily as, Hey, we don't wanna send porn through the mail. Well, who isn't gonna be for that? Right? But also stirrups, also drugs, also meds that are involved in our own health care and our reproductive um, systems.
And so. If we can literally stop and look, okay, what's the catch here? What are you really trying to do here? Right. And isn't that the same that we have to have that level of distrust?
jane: Well, and when you mention porn, for instance, I don't watch porn because I think that it victimizes women. So I'm absolutely, thats not something I wanna participate in at the same time.
And I do think there should probably be age limits and all that at the same time. Anytime someone starts saying what you have to believe, [00:13:00] what you can watch, what you can't watch. Exactly as you said, I think you have to look at what is the real agenda here.
jan: Right. What is the real agenda here and what does it do?
You know, I heard, oh my gosh, the other day they were talking about the Epstein files, and I think it was, uh, I believe it was our attorney general that, you know, they are, these girls weren't children. They weren't five and eight years old. They were, you know, teens. They were 14 or 15 young teens. They were children, Jane.
And for us to move that bar lower. So that we can justify pedophilia makes me insane. And I know there are people, maybe some listening saying, well, it would've been worse if it was a baby or five years old. Shouldn't happen at all. Who objectify women that way? Well, as it turns out, a whole bunch of people.
jane: Well, as a matter of fact, it's really interesting when I sat down to do this, I realized that while we are recording this conversation about [00:14:00] women abused women, trafficked women. The vote will be taking place in the house that will at least be one step toward releasing those files. What? Right. How does that fit into your larger narrative about what's going on with women right now?
jan: Well, again, it's the objectification of women. Whether, you know, I don't know any woman who wants to be prostituted. I really don't. I don't know any woman who wants to be beaten. But if you continue to lower that bar, if you continue to excuse and say, oh, boys will be boys, or that's locker room talk. Uh, you know when President Trump ran.
In his first term, and the Access Hollywood tape came out and I thought, well, that's it. Nobody, nobody, nobody is gonna go for that. And we did. Um, I think what that does is normalize behavior. I think it justifies abhorrent behavior. Um, and we as a nation become desensitized. I have heard [00:15:00] so many women. Um, who have come to Genesis, whose husbands have raped them, and basically, uh, say it's okay because men, it it's my body.
It's your body. My choice, basically not my body, my choice, but your body, my choice, and I can do whatever I want to you. I can grab you anywhere, anytime. And unfortunately, our, our young boys are hearing this. Our, uh, women are hearing they're, they're nothing but breeders or. I, I don't know. How does it impact what we do?
It's, it goes on and on and on, and it, it justifies the society who is willing to treat half the society as, um, less than.
jane: Okay. I wanna go back to like talking about The Handmaid's Tale. Yeah. Talking about the bear and the man, things like that. In fact, I had this conversation with someone right after I listened to the podcast where the, um, the Reverend, and I can't remember his name right [00:16:00] now, but the one you're talking about from Moscow.
Idaho, who, who has, he is a, um, he's, he's a, an advocate of Christian nationalism. Yep. And, um, I was very disturbed by the very thing that you were talking about. It's like there would be a household vote instead of I'm gonna vote. Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no. But what do you say? But the reaction I typically get from people when I mention these types of things to them is, oh, that'll never happen here.
That'll never happen in America. I, again, I'm interested in your perspective because you've dealt with women for four decades now. What is your perspective on that?
jan: I think it is happening in America. I don't think we can turn a, a, a blind eye. I mean, I, I know I, I would get criticism of saying. Just do what you're doing, just house battered women, if that's what you wanna do, kind of thing.
But when [00:17:00] we talk to women here, I heard an interesting analogy the other day. When women come to us for counseling, we describe, um, their process as, um. Their lives is like a tree and normal counseling. You start talking about the different limbs of your problems and you just hack 'em off. You just take off that one and you take off another limb and you prune another limb.
Except they grow back and they grow back often bigger. So what we do at Genesis is get beyond the limbs and go to the roots of the problems in our counseling processes. Right. Um, and so I think. That's what we look at. Or I, I sometimes tend to think, Jane, that we are looking at women's issues as tree limbs right now.
Okay. We'll give that one up. Okay. We'll give that one up. My husband can vote for me or he has to talk. I can't talk straight to God. I have to go through my husband or you know, we didn't have the right to, for all women to vote. [00:18:00] Uh, we just hack off these limbs, but those aren't the real problems. We need to go to the roots of the problems.
And that's the misogyny. That's the bigotry. All the isms that you can think of, they, uh, come back and haunt. Women. Um, and I think until we all stand up and say no more, uh, I wanna be a part of this solution, it's, it, it's gonna get worse. I do. Okay. So that goes to
jane: something that, I'm gonna make a little confession here, mother Jan.
Yes. Um, so women often. Buy into some of what's going on. Yeah, I, I see that a lot. I see it more now than I used to because I think I used to buy into it more. Um, and here's what I mean by that. I, I was never physically abused by anyone, but I allowed a lot of things and I kind of overlooked things. And I think it's part of, you mentioned to me a patriarchal society, right?[00:19:00]
Where. Your power comes through cooperating with the system as it is right now. What changed for me is I did a lot of hard work on myself and I discovered that one reason I needed to get power from someone else is 'cause I didn't have it within myself. I didn't have good self-esteem, so I worked on that a lot.
Is that you say the root of the problem? Is that in some ways the root of the problem.
jan: Well, I think it can be part of the problem for sure. Um, I think women stay with abusive men for a lot of, or, and I say stay with them. In my world, that's what we talk about. But look at the women who are surrounding sycophants in Washington, DC right now.
They all have long blonde hair and big lips and big boobs, and they, uh, have power because they're around powerful men or right. And there's something to be said for that. But there's [00:20:00] also something to be said for, I can't feed my kids. And my preacher said, you need to stay there. And my thoughts of this is all my fault anyway.
And I said I would be married for, you know, now until I die, kind of thing. There's, and my children and I don't speak the language and I'm not documented to be here. There's so many reasons that women stay with powerful men. Um, you know, do we, there, there's. There seems to be this, um, I don't know if it's popularity, but there's something to be said, uh, about like, uh, trad wipes is what they call them.
I wanna get to
jane: that.
jan: Okay. All right. All right. Um, in
jane: fact, I wanna get to that. In our next segment, I wanna talk about trad wipes, the soft life, all these popular issues. I wanna ask you one thing before we go to break, and then we'll come back with that. Sure, sure. What do you say to women who are pro women?
Pro, um, healthy, all those kinds of [00:21:00] things and at the same time are conflicted because so many times bodily autonomy. I know you've tackled this issue, uh, is tied up. What if, what if those women are pro-life? How do they resolve that? That conundrum. I'm pro-life and at the same time I'm pro bodily autonomy.
Of course, I want women's rights. Of course. What do you tell women?
jan: This could be a whole segment, I guess. Uh, but here's the thing you do, you, if that is right for you, then you do that, but also support women who aren't okay with it and still have to live that life. I think your, you know, your question was leading into the, the confliction of, um.
You know, uh, pro-choice and pro-life. I think a lot of people think the opposite of pro-life is get an abortion. The opposite of pro-life is I should be able to choose for [00:22:00] myself. And so I think when women look at that, uh, I think you can be against abortion, but it's my choice. And still be okay in your own body and be a woman leader, right?
Unless someone else is imposing that on you. Uh, which is typically, again, we can go back and talk about project 2025 and, um, but, but it's, it's hard for women sometime. I mean, a lot of things enter into that, but I, I really do feel like if you need to be somewhat be someone or be some place, or be somehow, um, that, if that's, if that works for you.
Great. Uh, but we still continue to stand on behalf of those who have no voice.
jane: Okay. We're gonna come back and talk about tra wives the soft life. Okay. And. A little bit more about Epstein. Also, we love to travel, right? I've got a surprise coming up in just a couple of weeks, I'm going to [00:23:00] announce our first trip that we are going to be doing together.
We're gonna be doing this trip through a travel companion of mine, the sponsor of the show. Sharon Carr Travel, Casey at Sharon Carr. Travel is just the best and he has an exciting adventure lined up for us. Because you are a subscriber to the podcast, you will be one of the first to be notified because there are a limited number of available reservations.
I'm super excited about this and I can't wait to tell you more about it very, very soon. Welcome back and the trad wife fad. The soft life. Okay. I'm gonna tell you that I have tried to tell, this is kind of foreign to some of us women who are 55 plus who fought for women's rights in a lot of ways. But it's a new thing.
And I have tried to tell younger women who I love these younger women, and I'm like, [00:24:00] honey, there's a price to pay when everything is given to you. Nothing is free. And also I'm just like. Wow. The feeling of satisfaction I get from paying my own bills, knowing I can, yes. All that kinda stuff. So, Jan, I'm really interested that you brought up the subject of trad wives.
How does that fit into this whole conversation for you?
jan: Well, and you've been in media so long, you, you're gonna have to help me here, but at, at the, um, I think it was the State of the Union, um, the Republican response. You know how, how they'll talk afterwards.
jane: Yes.
jan: Was, and I can't think of who she was, but she was sitting in her kitchen.
I don't know that, oh yeah, she had an apron on, but she might as well have had an apron on. And that was a message sent loudly and clearly, uh, especially with all the other that's going on, uh, I say be careful. You know what? If you want somebody to pay your bills, great. If [00:25:00] you, if you want to cook and clean in your home, great.
But you ought to get to say that yourself, right? And it shouldn't be put upon you and it shouldn't be, um, through dominance that we were talking about in the first half of this, uh, that somebody is forcing you to do that. Um, there is a price to pay. I think my, I tried to raise my girls saying, be careful what you ask for.
You might just get it. We did fight long and hard to have our checking accounts. Okay? So when I married. Talk about trad wife. Now, you're gonna find this funny knowing me today, but when I got married, I couldn't open up a bank account without my husband's co-signing. I couldn't take a, it's so hard to believe I could not get a, um, I couldn't live on my own.
I couldn't get a pa, I couldn't leave the country. I couldn't get a passport and leave the country. I had to get my husband's permission to get on birth control. How do you like that? In my married lifetime, right? And so I think. Some might think that's I, uh, that's a, [00:26:00] sure let him handle everything, but that's wrong.
That's wrong because husbands die, husbands cheat. Husbands move away, and then I'm on my own. We need to protect ourselves and we tell women that come to Genesis, protect yourself physically, financially, and emotionally because it may not always be like that for you.
jane: So that's kind of what I was gonna ask you.
The trad wife thing, how do you view that through the lens of what you've seen dealing with abused women?
jan: The trad wives that I've seen become more vulnerable for abuse, more vulnerable for control. You know, we haven't talked about this, but uh, uh, a lot of people think this domestic violence, this intimate partner violence is a fight that got out of control where you and I know it's all about power and control.
So if you think of a soft life's rad wife, uh, how much more control does somebody have when you. Give it up, right? And it's then it, it is not mutual. It's not an equal playing field. When they talk about a [00:27:00] traditional wife, that really means he's the man of the house and she's just not. And I, I would caution someone, be careful.
Be careful that that doesn't, um, grow, grow into limbs that are not healthy.
jane: So when I look at things that are going on right now. My mind says that there's a lot of need for power. I, I just look at all of it and I'm like, y'all really need a lot of power here. What is going on is, so what, like, again, through the, through your lens, what you've seen with families that you work with, what causes the abuser.
To abuse what causes someone to want to take away rights from someone else, right?
jan: So there's a lot of, and this ought to be the question, why does he do what he does? Why does he do what he does? And you could say, oh, he was abused as a child, [00:28:00] or whatever. Well, a lot of us abused as a child and that doesn't, that doesn't give us green to abuse someone else.
But what we talk about here at Genesis as that is that men who abuse abusers. Have three core beliefs. Now, a core belief, Jane, is something that I can't talk you out of. Um, you, we can talk about, disagree about politics, we can disagree about a lot of stuff or have a conversation about, but a core belief is something you can't talk me out of.
I believe in baby Jesus. You can't talk, you can't undo that for me, right? I believe my grandchildren are flawless and you can't undo that. For me, those are core beliefs. So, uh, an abuser has three core beliefs. Number one, that you can't, I don't think can change his mind. Number one is that he has the, uh, he has the right to have what he wants when he wants it, the way he wants it.
That can be dinner, that can be what time? Dinner. That can be sex. How we do it. Everything revolves around that power, right? I have the [00:29:00] right, the right to have what I want when I want it. The second core belief is that she's responsible for making that happen. I get dinner on the table, I make sure his shirts are ironed.
I have cold beer in the ice box. And the third core belief is that he has not only the right but the obligation to punish her when. Uh, that does not happen. So if dinner is late, I have the right to hurt her. So maybe next time she can get it right. Um, so why does he do it? He does it because he can, uh, he does it because, uh, it works because tomorrow night I am going to have dinner on time, and he does it because I think we as a society have not found the impetus for someone to change their core beliefs, their change, their behavior.
Right. If we could have fixed this. I swear to God, we would've done it 2000 years ago. We cannot stop abuse against us. Abuse will not stop until abusers stop abusing. Um, and it's a choice, [00:30:00] but often that choice comes with accountability. What's in it for him? What if you think about those core beliefs, what's in it for him?
Well, I get to have what I want, when I want it. Right? Uh, what's in it for him if he has to change that behavior? Well, maybe I don't get dinner when I want, and I don't like brussel sprouts anyway. Right? So all of a sudden he's losing that control over someone else. Um, I think you could go psychologically more deeply.
Two guys who abuse, uh, their lack of confidence or their lack of, um, yeah, character. All these kinds of things. But the bottom line, they do it. And society lets 'em, it's not just the women in their lives. Uh, these guys don't typically go to jail. These guys don't typically get reprimanded in a way. These guys often don't have to turn in their guns, which they're supposed to.
Uh, and just having a firearm in the house makes it. 500 times more dangerous, uh, more likely a, a [00:31:00] woman will be killed. So when I, when I talk about these things, and your listeners, Jane, I hope women who are listening to this look back on the gaslighting and look back on the control and recognize that this is not a healthy relationship.
And not only that, but if he hits you once, he will hit you again.
jane: So I wanna offer something here. As I said, I've never been physically abused or anything like that, but I have been. Mentally, emotionally taken advantage of. Mm-hmm. And what I was trying to, 'cause I can hear women going in their minds, well, I experienced a little bit of that, but I don't know what to do.
Uh, so what was, what the person I was working with at the time encouraged me to do was said, you've gotta have courage, Jane. Every time you have courage, it turns out good for you. And in my experience, so I at one point. Told someone I didn't wanna do it, but I knew I [00:32:00] needed to do it and I, because I knew it was probably gonna be the loss of that person.
Yes. And I told that person leave. I was, I so didn't want to do it. I was so scared. But I tried to have courage and that has been the foundation. Of a lot of growth for me because when I finally got the courage to pick me,
jan: yeah,
jane: over. His approval or his attention.
jan: Right.
jane: It was a turning point.
jan: Absolutely.
Absolutely. And it does take courage. I think that's why I've been here for, for three decade, over three decades. I see women of courage every single day, even if it's just tip their toe in the water and say, is this normal? Or it's, you know, grab your kids and run. You know, a lot of people, and I'm glad to hear the work that you've done.
A lot of people think if you get out, you have to go to a shelter, and that's not the case. In fact, I don't think, and this may sound odd, I don't think [00:33:00] shelters fix domestic violence. They're short length, they're overbooked. There are places where other people have had this kind of trauma and can trigger your own.
It's not, it's not the. It's the best thing if you're running for your life. There's no doubt about it. But what we do at Genesis, our biggest footprint is our non-residential, our, our non-residential services, the same counseling information, advocacy only. You don't need a place to sleep. So when we are on the phone with somebody who's saying, I don't know what to do, we talk through like, do you have four walls and a roof?
Because if you can stay there safely, then let's come to our non-residential center and start running down that runway. Let's say he's cut up your credit card and your driver's license. Do you know how long Jane it takes to get a driver's license replaced in the state of Texas? Six weeks. Six weeks.
That's what I was gonna say. I
jane: was gonna say, my experience with the DMV is not good.
jan: It's not good.[00:34:00]
Um, but also a credit card. You can't go to a hotel tonight without an id. You can't get a job without, without an id. You can't, you know, if you don't have a, a credit, you can't, you know, do a lot of, you won't have a place to stay, but, um. Let's say you come to the shelter and it's an eight week stay, but you have to do the first six weeks getting your driver's license.
Then you can start looking for a job and let's say great. Tomorrow you get a job. Well, you can't start for two more weeks and you don't have any clothes. So of course you go to Genesis Benefit thrift store. It's, it's, uh, it's not, the only answer is, I guess what I'm trying to say, and once you leave, Genesis Dallas is in a a, a a housing crisis.
There are really so few places you can go to get housing and let's say he's not allowed you birth control and you've got four or five kids. That's a six bedroom apartment that you have to be able to afford, uh, to be able to move into. So the odds are against us, right? Um, but, but [00:35:00] there is help and hope and are non-residential, as I say, is our biggest footprint.
jane: So if a woman is listening and you were saying her. These are signs that you're healthy and that things are going well for you in your life. I mean, I would say things like, and I can pick these 'cause I have not been there and I am there now, so I know the difference. But for instance, one of the things that's really funny to me is.
Wearing clothes that are comfortable to me. I look in the mirror and I like them. I'm not wearing them. So they'll impress someone else, but they're so tight that I can't breathe or whatever. Right? Or saying what I think about something and not biting my tongue and not saying what I think. I mean, what are some signs that a checklist for a woman.
jan: Well, I think there's this thing on TikTok, I shouldn't get on TikTok, but there's this thing called, it's like postmenopausal women. It's the We Don't Care club. Have you seen that? [00:36:00] Yeah. Like if I wear my pajamas all weekend long and I don't wash my hair. We don't care. Right? Right. If you live in a home and in a relationship where that's okay, uh, if you're, you know, nobody's gonna not allow you to do that, then that's, that's a sign of a healthy home.
I think if you are ever afraid to speak your mind, if you are, if you let someone else, for example, set the tone of the evening, you wait until he drives up the driveway. To decide at dinner, do I speak, do I not speak? Am I supportive? Am I funny? Am I quiet? Am I sexy? What if you let someone else decide who you will be that night?
That's unhealthy, right? Um, and so I think, you know, there's so many ways we get trapped in unhealthy relationships, so we don't even realize it. You know, I wanna look nice for my husband, but I'm also. Uh, I wanna be comfortable in my clothes and if if he, he doesn't care, he doesn't [00:37:00] care, and I don't care.
Right. Um, yeah, it's healthy relationship. If you can manage your own money that you know where the money is, that if something happened, and again, that's not, he may. Financially abuse you. That's certainly one thing. And, and 90% of the women who come to Genesis have experienced financial abuse. But it also may be he drops dead and I start all over.
I have Right. I'm old enough now that I have widow friends that, you know, they've never paid a bill. They didn't realize he had a, a gambling addiction. They didn't know that he had burned through some of the, the kids', um, school accounts, school money savings accounts. Um, and so we have a right to know.
Where we are financially, physically, what would I do if, kind of thing. So I, I think that's, that's a healthy relationship.
jane: So I mentioned earlier that the Epstein vote is going on, I think right now actually as we're talking or it's scheduled in a few minutes. Um, what is your perspective [00:38:00] on how this has managed to take place in America today?
Because I look at it and I'm like, just release the freaking files. This is not complicated.
jan: It's not complic. Whoever
jane: did wrong needs to be prosecuted
jan: and could have happened. It could have happened already. It didn't take a vote. But, you know, my perspective, I gotta tell you, Jane, I keep seeing about, you know, the votes and the, you know, the lists.
Why do we need lists? Why don't we just believe women in the first place? Yeah. And that's my big thing. Why don't we believe them in court? Why don't we believe him when they've been attacked by a man in the woods? Why are we saying, well, did he really do it? Are you lying? Did you bring it on? Did you do this or that?
But here, what's so abhorrent is a 14-year-old child on an island has no choice to be, to be raped or not raped. She, she, go ahead. You were gonna,
jane: so I'm gonna go to your question. I'm gonna go to the question you raised. Why don't we [00:39:00] believe women? What, why don't we, what is that?
jan: Are they liars? Are all women liars?
Well, no, they're not liars and we don't lie about being abused by a 50-year-old man when we're 14. I just don't think we do. I think, uh uh, um, we don't believe women because it keeps the perpetrators from being accountable or responsible. Right? It's much easier to say she's a liar. You know, at my age, uh, when we have.
Women who come in, they have all these things that he's said about her. She's a drunk, she's a whore, she's a cheater. And, but, uh, I see, um, relationships that have gone on 50 plus years. And one of the things the guys will say, very typical, she has dementia. It's her fault. She has dementia and, and can't handle the money or she, she's lying about these things.
You can't believe your mom because she has dementia. Right. I think it is a, it is a [00:40:00] tool. It's a choice of weapon. If I don't believe her, I'm not accountable for this sexual assault,
jane: so I want to. At the end of this podcast, I want to talk about, 'cause I can feel women getting fired up right now. Like, what can I do?
What can I do? And I, I wanna get to that at the end of the podcast. But you wanted to mention Amber Check, is it?
jan: Yeah, yeah.
jane: Amber, talk to me about that.
jan: Yeah, she's a young woman and uh, when I first heard about it, um, there's an organization in this country called Tradeswomen, and these are women who have learned how to weld, weld and ppl well.
What's it called? They're welders and they're plumbers and they're electricians, and they are in predominantly male oriented businesses, but they're very, uh, lucrative. You can make so much more, uh, working as a plumber than you can, uh, you know, at the McDonald's down the street. And we encourage vocational training for women who have never had to work on their own.
Uh, [00:41:00] Amber Check was 20 years old. She went to welding school. Um, she. From what I'm reading, she was, uh, loved her job, loved people, and just last week, one of her coworkers walked in while she was working, picked up a sledgehammer and beat her five times. I, I'm sure she was dead. I feel like she was dead after the first, uh, hit her in the head with a sledgehammer.
But then he continued while she was on the ground to hit her four more times. Um, it's on camera. Uh, he's responsible, there's no doubt about it, but. When asked why, why would you do this? He says, because I didn't like her and I've been thinking about this for a long time. I didn't like her. Now let's, let's, okay, those are limbs.
Let's talk about the roots of that, right? Why didn't he like her? Did it feel like somebody was taking his job, somebody was taking his power away as a male welder kind of thing? Uh, did he not like her? Um, [00:42:00] you know, her life. What, what was it about her? He didn't like her. What's it to him? Right. Um, you know, there's so much hate that has been generated, particularly within this administration.
If you're different from me, I hate you. I make fun of you. I deport you, I arrest you without cause. Um, and it's always someone's fault. So for a weak man to pick up a sledgehammer. And kill murder. His life is over. I mean, he, they're talking first degree murder on this deal, and women in trade are coming out of the woodwork.
In fact, you know, we put on that big conference on crimes against women every spring and we're talking about maybe highlighting this case. Uh, and men, these women are mad, right? Anytime a woman is in a male dominant business, why is she afraid for her, uh, her life? For being sexually [00:43:00] harassed be, why do we have to protect ourselves, our bodies in male dominant?
Um, um. Areas, uh, when the Me Too movement came rolled out, Jane, a couple years ago, uh, we started looking at different businesses, how retail and restaurants, and how much sexual, uh, harassment and assault there was in certain professions. Well, now they're saying in male dominant businesses, uh, or work areas like these trades that I, I was mentioning with Amber, um, why are we in more danger?
Why can't we be safe there?
jane: I wanna talk about what you mentioned about differences and why that's important, even if you're not different when we come back. And also I wanna ask you specifically for women who are 55 plus and have kind of been cast aside a lot of their lives. Uh, what encouragement, what would you advise them to do?
Okay. To live a [00:44:00] full life. We'll be right back. Okay. Just wanna mention something to you real quick here. If you just happen to be listening to this podcast today, or maybe you just happen to be watching on YouTube. Subscribe to the podcast because that way you'll get notifications every time a new episode drops.
Also, there are gonna be lots of events coming up, like I mentioned earlier, the travel opportunity, all kinds of things that are gonna be available to subscribers first. So please subscribe to the podcast or subscribe on YouTube. Set your notifications so you get notified whenever a new episode drops. We appreciate you.
It's not possible without you. So Jan, you mentioned differences, and this is something that I would like for, again, your perspective on when we, there's a lot of criticism. I don't know exactly what to call it, about differences right now, whether it's trans issues and [00:45:00] put the bathroom thing aside, just trans issues in general, or, um, I mean, one of the things that the pastor we were talking about.
Spoke about was gay marriage and just people who are not straight traditional, whatever that is. Right. Why, how does, from your perspective, how does the focus on, why does the focus on differences bother you?
jan: Well, I think it justifies. Actions. If you look back at, let's say Nazi Germany in the forties and they could convince German people, I'm sure a lot of good German people that what the problems are and who's responsible for that, right?
Um, and by blaming a certain group, it allows. The plans to go forward. The and and, [00:46:00] and the reason I this is coming to my mind is I heard, I believe it was JD Vance the other day who was saying, you know, there's a housing shortage in the United States, but the reason is that there are 11 million undocumented workers taking your housing.
Right. So it can justify the fact that now we're gonna round 'em up and get rid of 'em. In my mind, that's what I was thinking. It was almost the very same, first of all, there aren't 11 million, you know, it's much less than that. Uh, but to blame it on someone else, it able, it gives me the power, gives someone the power to do, to justify what their actions are gonna be.
So if your goal, oh, go ahead. I'm sorry.
jane: No, I'm just gonna say that in itself is a problem. How does that relate to the issue you and I are talking about, about women specifically?
jan: Again, it goes back to, uh, if you don't believe her or you say that she does isn't smart enough to vote, or you say that, you know, um, she shouldn't work outside the [00:47:00] home and all she needs to do is have children, which I've heard out of Project 25 and JD Vance.
Um, then it gives men more power. It all goes back to that it justifies their actions, uh, when they are, um. Immoral or against the law or whatever, uh, the, it, it takes away the rights of someone else. And that can be house by house or that can be community by community. Um, you know, it's not people, eggs aren't high because, uh, you.
Trans people, whatever, or illegal aliens or immigrants are coming in and taking my housing. That's not why eggs are high. Uh, I just think it is a bait and switch sometime it's a slight of hand where it takes the focus off certain things as long as you're talking about, oh, these women over here who want the right to vote, or, um.
Aren't minding their [00:48:00] man, or they're, they're burning their bras, or they're welding, now they're welding. What else are they gonna do to us? Right. Kind of thing. Um, I, I just think that's a mindset where there isn't equality or democracy or justice if you're, if you have to put someone else down to make it happen.
jane: So I think there are a couple of different ways we could go at this point in this country.
jan: Mm-hmm. Uhhuh.
jane: Hopefully there. So what would you tell women about how they can get involved in some way to move things in a positive direction?
jan: Yeah. For
jane: women, what could we do?
jan: Well, first of all, I'm gonna steal what you said.
Your therapist said, I assume it was your therapist. Have courage, number one. Uh, guys, I was a stay-at-home mom, which I wanted to be stay-at-home mom. I was Kool-Aid mom of the block. I drove carpool, I volunteered at my church and my whatever. And uh, I was 40 years old before I read this article. That one [00:49:00] out of every three of us will be abused in our lifetime.
Right. 40 years old. You were 40. And that's what I. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And that's when I pulled off the, the sunglasses and said, well, I'm gonna do something about it. So my recommendation is not only have courage, but find your field of fascination. Find what gins you up. My, I lost my mom, uh, when she was very, we were both young.
I was young. She was young too. Breast cancer. Why I am not putting on a pink visor and racing for the cure, and I'm a survivor as well. Why is that not my field of fascination? I don't know, but this is it. And I'm lucky enough to have found that. And whether you are 70 or 40 or 25, I wanna tell women everywhere, have the courage to find your field of fascination and then go for it.
Call your elected officials and you know, help raise money and race for the cure of whatever it is, but be a part of something greater than yourself. It's not enough. It's just not enough in this lifetime [00:50:00] to uh uh, be. Somebody's something, somebody's tr of somebody, right? Um, of Joseph, of Donald, of whomever, uh, of, of your husband's, um, be a part of something greater than yourself.
It's an awesome day at the office when you can do that. You know, Jane, what you're doing right now, you're spreading the word. Somebody's gonna be listening today. Uh, when you air this, that is thinking, you know what? I've been married to this guy for 17 years and I cannot do another day. And once they hear.
You know what? Call or text two one four nine four six help, and somebody will be there to walk beside you. Somebody will make that call. I think today, uh, maybe an elected official will hear about how they should consider a vote on a list of pedophiles. Or maybe we start talking about how to bel start believing women.
How, how is it that we're not believing these women and we have to see in black and white? You know, the whole thing is not about. [00:51:00] I think there, well, I don't know if this is right or not, but it seems to me that there are some really powerful people who participated in this debauchery, I don't even know what the right word, is, this disgusting, perverted behavior and they don't want it to come out.
And so, you know, I think, I don't think this is just a political play. Uh, I think it's protecting of people's friends. You know, but I say pull it all out. Pull it out of the dark. You know what? Pull it out of that closet and let's, let's, let's prosecute every single person. And I don't care who they are. Uh, you know, you see over the years, different people.
When the Epstein files came in, there were very high powered divorces that happened all of a sudden. And I think that's wives who said, you've got to be kidding me. That's what you did. Stand up for that. Let your voices and your votes be heard.
jane: So you said something I think is important if there is someone who's listening right now or watching right now,
jan: right.
Who
jane: needs help, what is the [00:52:00] number to call? Yes.
jan: So this number is answered 24 hours a day in English and in Spanish, and it can be a call or it can be a text. In fact, we get many more texts than we do calls, but, uh, just because it's a little safer sometimes. But the number is 2 1 4 9 4 6 help. 9, 4, 6 help.
And at that point that one call, uh, can help someone be triaged into residential or non-residential or legal or it's not just a, Hey, we don't have any room and hang up. It is literally walking beside somebody as they take those first steps of, I don't even know if this is abuse. We have a lot of conversations that start off that way.
I don't know if it's even wrong or I wouldn't know what to do if. And somebody is there always to, um, process that we're not gonna tell you what to do. I think women are the best judge of what they can. What they are experiencing and how long they can experience that. Um, and so we don't say you've gotta get out or you've gotta do anything.
You [00:53:00] don't have to have a divorce or whatever. Um, but there is someone who will listen, someone who understands, and someone who has walked beside other women, uh, is very confidential. Oh and no cost for any of our, our services. No cost, no strings attached for any of our services. Um, so. So kind of that one call does all sort of thing.
9, 4, 6 help. There's also a great lot of resources on our website, Genesis, shelter.org, Genesis, shelter, those two words put together ORG, and there's stuff on there, Jane, how to help a friend. So let's say, it's not me, but say one of your listeners, it's her sister, it's her next door neighbor. It's her best friend.
Um, you know, what do I say to her and how do I, how do I help her without. Putting her in more danger or losing that friendship. Uh, we're we even have groups for friends and family of survivors of domestic violence. 'cause it's so hard to be somebody's mom whose daughter is in this kind of trouble and we don't know what to say.
[00:54:00] Uh, so yeah, there's lots of resources at Genesis 9, 4 6 Health.
jane: And you've been so gracious to take your time and to give us the benefit of your wisdom, your experience. What do you need at Genesis right now? What, what do you need? I mean, what if, if a woman's watching, what can
jan: she do? Yes. Okay. Here's the thing.
Snap benefits this. This is gonna get me twisted off as well, so. I know. Surprise shocker, right? So as I said, 90 to 95% of the women who come to Genesis have been financially abused, either not allowed to work or not access to the money, or she's working a job and it's not enough. 60% of our clients are on SNAP benefits.
That can be the lady from Highland Park who gets out and has to be, uh, quickly, quickly, uh, uh, supported with benefits, um, and when those went away. It's one thing if you're on SNAP benefits as just as a resource, but it's another thing when [00:55:00] your alternative to not being able to make it without those benefits is you go back into an abusive relationship.
Look what we're doing. It's not, it's abhorrent that we would have hungry children in this country or hungry anybody, but if that causes someone to go back into an abusive relationship. That is just compounded evil or something. I don't know. Right. But so what we have done, Jane, is actually you can go to, uh, Amazon, um, and you can go on our wishlist of the food per non-perishable food items.
I'm sorry, that sun is coming right in my office window. That's okay. Um, you can go to our Amazon wishlist and it will, you can buy it and have it delivered straight here. We're putting together, uh, bags of non-perishable foods for our, for all of our clients as they come through here. You can adopt a family at our holiday time.
Uh, we adopt all our families out and so we fill wishlists of, you know, Johnny wants a [00:56:00] blue soccer ball and we make moms be able to provide in one way or another, provide. Christmas for their kiddos, and so that's another way people get involved or come down and rock babies or join us at our special events, or get out your credit card and make a tax deductible donation.
You know me, I'm always asking for that.
jane: You know, women are always asking me, how do I stay young? How do I, how do I stay vital, all that. Be like Jan. I dunno. Sorry. Be like Jan. Be involved. Yeah. Do something in your community for women. Jan, thank you so much for your time today. No, it's my pleasure. Fabulous to see you.
jan: I love talking to you and I love having the opportunity to, not, not everybody wants my opinion, but thank you for wanting it for the last 45 minutes. Um, I think together we can make a difference. I really do. And each of us can do it in our own way. I, I wanted to share a quick story with you, and it's one that people have heard before, but it's that woman walking down the [00:57:00] riverside and she sees splashing out in the river, splashing out in the river, and she kicks off her shoes and swims out.
It's a baby, it's a baby drowning. And she then another one pops up and another one pops up and she brings as many as she can back to the shore, uh, and tries to resuscitate them. About that time, a second woman comes down the riverside and she says, the first one says, Hey, I, I, babies are drowning and I need your help.
Please help me. There are babies. You know, it was drowning out in the river and the second woman, um, jumps, kicks off her shoes, jumps in the river, goes out, but she doesn't come back. The first lady says, Hey, bring me those babies and let me shelter them. And the second woman says, I'm gonna teach babies how to swim in a violent world.
About that time, a third woman walks down the riverside and the first woman says, Hey, we need your help. There are, there are battered women everywhere. There are women who need help and snap and benefits and safety, uh, and I need your help. And the third woman, however, turns around and walks back up the riverside.
First woman yells out, Hey, how can you turn your back on this? [00:58:00] And the third woman said, I'm not turning my back on this. I'm gonna go up River and see who throws babies in the river in the first place. So I think about that story, Jay, because I think. You do what you can do and I'll do what I can do and somebody else is gonna let their vote be heard and somebody else is gonna make a donation.
And together we can save women and babies from drowning in our society. So that's, thank you for,
jane: thank you for your time. Thank you for making my day.
jan: Oh. Back at you, Jane,
jane: thank you so much for being part of this community of women. Without you, none of this is possible. If you just happened on the podcast or the YouTube version today, subscribe.
We're gonna send you notifications. Every time there is a new podcast or episode that drops, you won't miss a thing. Thank you once again for being part of Ageless with Jane [00:59:00] McGarry.