Tips for 20 Years of a Happy Marriage

Booth and her husband are celebrating 20 years of marriage! Learn her tips on communication around family, kids, finances, and laughter that contributed to this milestone in this episode of MOM-enomics.

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• (00:00) -
• (00:14) - Introduction: Our 20 year anniversary!
• (00:50) - Where Our Story Started
• (02:15) - Communication is Key!
• (03:04) - Planning Your Parenting Together
• (04:33) - Communicate Roles in Household Chores
• (05:09) - Establish Standards with your Finances
• (05:31) - Prioritizing Time Together
• (06:37) - Making Time for the Marriage After Kids
• (07:52) - Laugh Together
• (08:14) - Have Grace
• (09:40) - Outro: See You in 20 Years!

This podcast is produced by Rooster High Productions.

Creators & Guests

Host

Booth Parker, CPA

Financial guru by day; domestic diva by night and sharing it all in between.

What is MOM-enomics with Booth Parker, CPA?

Real moms. Real mom financial issues. Real moms in business. Real stories. I am Booth Parker. A CPA, wife, and mom that loves all things home and family. In this podcast, I talk all things money for moms, families, and small business. From tips to ideas to info you just need to know, I break it down so moms can apply it to their own families and businesses!

S2E18 Tips for 20 Years of a Happy Marriage
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​[00:00:00]

Introduction: Our 20 year anniversary!
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This week, my husband and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary, and I'm proud to say we have been happily married the entire time. So this week on the podcast, I am going to talk a little bit about marriage. Some things I've learned along the way that help us keep a healthy relationship. So this episode is probably also good for some younger people that are maybe about to get married, uh, things like that.

So be sure and share it with some younger people as well that you think might benefit from some of these lessons learned along the way.

Where Our Story Started
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So I will say that my husband and I started out, um, knowing that we had a very strong relationship when we got married in March of [00:01:00] 2004. So we were originally supposed to get married in April of 2002. However, we did not have the blessing and support of his family, and we ended up um canceling the wedding because it was just not a good way to start a marriage with everything going on with that.

So we kind of regrouped and refocused and, um, made sure everything was gonna be great for us to go forward and get married. So we did proceed on in March of '04 to get married, um, even without the blessing. It just let us know that our relationship was strong enough to endure, um, going into a marriage like that. So I was, I was sad when we canceled it the first time, but what we, uh, went through the following couple years to make sure everything was going to work was also a good thing. So. I hope that you or anybody you care about doesn't have to go [00:02:00] through a situation like that before they can get married.

I hope they have full family support and blessings, but it is also good to know the strength of your relationship, to have it tested a little bit before you go into marriage.

Communication is Key!
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So the first thing I wanna talk about as being something that has been good for our relationship, keep it healthy, all of that is communication. And you've probably heard that one before, but I'm gonna dive into some other examples and areas where communication is really, really key. My husband and I, we love to sit down at the end of the day, even if we only have like 20 minutes and talk about our day, what was good, bad, anything going on so that we stay on the same page in our up to date with what's going on with each other.

And then I definitely think that communicating about something, if something starts to bother you before it festers into a huge blowup, just go ahead and communicate about it. [00:03:00] It's a lot easier to put a small fire out than a great big fire.

Planning Your Parenting Together
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So once you have kids, it is really important to be on the same page about parenting. Yes, you're gonna have disagreements on certain things, but that's what you need to sit down and communicate about how you're going to handle it, whether it's schedules, um, eating. Private versus public school, all those kind of things, you've gotta sit down and communicate so you can be on the same page.

And then definitely when you're not on the same page about something, don't have that disagreement in front of the kids or whatever they really need to see. You're united together and on the same page, and both consistently supporting the child because you're on the same page. So yes, you, you'll probably have some differences to overcome, but it's definitely a great thing to communicate about and find some kind of common ground that you can go forward with in your parenting.

And also in regards to parenting, and this one [00:04:00] can be hard because grandparents oftentimes like to meddle and tell you how to do things, but definitely don't let other family members get in the way of the way you and your husband want to parent. I made that mistake when my son was first born. I was trying to be that people pleaser I talked about a couple weeks ago and keep the peace with everyone and it did not keep the peace.

So, um, make sure you focus on what you and your spouse want and set some boundaries with other family and their opinions.

Communicate Roles in Household Chores
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And communicate a clear understanding of each other's roles in the relationship. So this kind of leans towards household duties. So I know there's been a big push in recent, um, years for men to do more house duties, and I'm very fortunate because he does help with laundry and cooking and stuff like that.

So definitely having an understanding of who is going to do what so that you don't [00:05:00] all of a sudden snap because something hasn't been done and you are expecting it to, but there wasn't an understanding of who was going to do the task.

Establish Standards with your Finances
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And this is another communication one. Sitting down together, going through your finances, making your budget, reviewing your spending, your long-term retirement goals, all of those kind of things. It's very important to communicate and be on the same page and both of you to have a clear understanding of what your current financial situation is.

Prioritizing Time Together
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I also like to put, marriage before social obligations. So yes, social obligations can actually be a fun date night kind of thing, but maybe you haven't seen each other all week 'cause one was out of town with work and instead of going to some big social function, where you really won't have time to talk and hang out together, maybe a date night's a better thing.

So, social functions can be a fun date night, but they can also get in the way of your one-on-one [00:06:00] time. So you definitely wanna prioritize your one-on-one time.

And the little things really, really do add up. So there was a time when I had to get up first and I would always bring my husband coffee in bed. And now that role has flip flopped. He, um, his dog gets him up really early every morning, so he brings me coffee in bed now, which is great. But it's, it's the little things, um, you know; you're at the grocery store and you grab their favorite ice cream and when they come home they open the freezer and there it is. Just little things like that really do keep that little spice and the little dating feel of a relationship sometimes.

Making Time for the Marriage After Kids
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And once you have kids, it can be hard to get that one-on-one time that I was talking about just a minute ago. Especially once your kids start playing sports and those kind of things, your schedules are crazy. Um, but definitely create time for just the two of you. A date night. Sitting on the porch for 30 minutes with a glass of wine, something like that.

But definitely create [00:07:00] just time for the two of you, uh, without the kids around. So when they're little, probably gonna need a sitter or family or somebody to watch the kids. Or maybe you can do lunch while they're at school or preschool or something like that. So definitely carving out some time for just the two of you.

But on the flip side of that, I think it's great to also spend some time apart. So maybe have hobbies that are different. Um, you know, a sport thing. I used to show horses and that was not my husband's thing, so I went and did that on my own most of the time. Um, and my husband has his own hobbies that I'm not really interested in, so it's good to have some away time as well. It's healthy, it's, it's good for building trust in your relationship, all of those kind of things. So a little absence makes the heart grow fonder really does work and gives a little healthy space between the two of you.

Laugh Together
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And laughter is always needed. You know, when you're dating and you're flirting and all those kind of things, you tend to laugh a lot. So you [00:08:00] definitely want to keep a little humor, um, jokes, fun times, all those fun things. You wanna keep the humor and the fun and that, that childlike feel to your relationship and laughter can really do that for you.

Have Grace
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And the last one is showing each other some grace. So letting go of the little things. Not making them into an argument or a big deal or anything. That way you can focus on the big things when they, um, when they arise. So I actually have a funny example, um, in the wintertime, my husband likes to grow a beard when it gets cold and I was talking to a, a good friend of mine one time and it had started to get cold outside and I said, oh, here comes the beard. And she's not a big fan of beards. And she said, she said, I just don't know how you put up with that. That would, that would be a, a hard no for me. I would have to put my foot down on that.

And I was like, well, he likes it and [00:09:00] you know, it's just for a short time and it's, it's fine. And she looked at me and she said, "Well, that's why you're happily married and I've been divorced three times." So let the little things go. Let each other have their kind of their own space and their own things that they like.

Even if it might get on your nerves a little bit or something. Let them be happy with things that make them happy, especially when it's not a big deal. And that way you can truly focus on all of the good and the things that matter towards making your relationship great, long lasting, happy, all of those good things we want in our marriage.

Outro: See You in 20 Years!
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So hopefully I'll be back in 20 more years to give you some updates for the, uh, what do they call the golden years, I guess, or the emptiness years or stuff. So of how we keep our marriage happy through the 40 year anniversary. So wouldn't that be fun?

I am by no means a marriage counselor, [00:10:00] but I have definitely endured, um, some hard times, overcome some hard times with my marriage, and kept a very, very happily married situation going for 20 years now. So I just wanted to share the things that I have found that work and keep us strong.

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