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Unapologetic girl power advocate. Sick of fabulous ladies being treated like an afterthought? Same here. Brace yourself, because I'm about to remind you that you're not just amazing; you're a freakin' force to be reckoned with! 💪👑 No more sending our girls out into the world unprepared – we've got the tools, the sass, and the ambition to conquer everything life throws our way. Screw anyone who doubts it!
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🎙️💋 Welcome to the Charm School Dropout Podcast, where Jesucita Rey spills the tea on conquering the wild world. It's not just a chat; it's a battle cry for daring divas to unleash their potential and flip the script on life. Buckle up, queens! This podcast is all about empowering you to slay in every aspect of your life and giving societal norms the fabulous finger. Hollywood, get ready to be jealous. 🚀👑 Ready to slay? Tune in and let's break the mold together! #CharmSchoolDropoutPodcast
Jesucita (00:01.404)
It's Jesucita Rey and welcome back to Charm School Dropout. Today we're going to be talking about who's in charge of your happiness. Who is in charge of you having joy in your life and feeling good in your life. Who is in charge of when somebody else is having a bad day that you don't fall into that pit of having a bad day too. And I swear,
I was never taught this particular thing in my life. Nowhere in my life was I taught this until I got much, much older. When I was younger, I seriously thought that external factors, the outside world, other people were the ones who were basically in charge of my happiness. You know, the way that they felt throughout their day dictated the way that I felt about my day.
And it, you know, I thought that meant everywhere in the world, having, you know, family, friends, romantic relationships, co -workers, you know, people at school, anybody and everybody. And the way that they reacted to things and the way that they felt about their day basically dictated my happiness and how I felt about my day.
And I was never taught that happiness is all about you. It's you are in charge of your happiness. Nobody else in this world is in charge of your happiness. You know, it's all about how you.
deal with things and what you're willing to keep in your life and what you need to let go in your life because it's not happiness. And everybody knows, you know, life isn't going to be happy every single second of every day. Life is hard. That's the point. The point is, is that you have ups and downs. If you were happy all of the time,
Jesucita (02:07.1)
Nothing would have any meaning. It really wouldn't. You know, just being happy all the time. Oh, yay, yay. You wouldn't be working towards anything. You wouldn't be trying to grow at all. You would just be stagnant. You would just be standing there and that would be it. So during this episode, what I want to really talk about is getting the understanding of you are in charge of your own happiness. And sometimes that can be really fucking hard.
It can be really fucking hard to be in charge of that for yourself because, you know, we all have bad days. We all have days that we don't want to get up. We all have days where we don't want to do what we have to do in this world. You know, we just want to stay cozy in bed. We want to be under those beautiful covers. And we don't want to have to face the hard shit and do things. And we definitely a lot of times don't want to have to do things where...
we're going to make ourselves happy because sometimes happiness is work, right? When you don't feel like being happy, it's a lot of fucking work to try and be happy. And I'm not talking about faking it. We're not talking about the faking happy, which I know a ton of us do in this world. But happiness is all on you. And for years and years and years and years of my life, I mean, even when I married my husband
you know, I thought he was in charge of my happiness. And lo and behold, when he didn't come through to make me happy, well, then that was his fault. And it was the complete wrong way to think about that. You know, you start getting resentment because this person isn't...
doing what you think that they should be doing for you when in truth, it's you who's in charge of your happiness. If you're not getting what you need from a relationship, we need to have what? The proper communication tools to be able to convey to your partner, you know, this is what I need right now. This is, and they may not reciprocate that, but you're in charge of that happiness that you want to feel.
Jesucita (04:18.94)
you're in charge of the way that you handle things or the way that you think about things. I'm telling you, if you wake up in the morning and your first thought when you open the eyes is, ah, fuck, I've got to get up. I've got to get the kids ready. I've got to go to work. I've got to go to school. And your day's already started out on a very unhappy note. It's very negative. It's very down in the dumps. It's very, oh, woe is me. I'm the victim. This sucks. I hate my life. Right.
and we can't have that because like I've told you, you are a beautiful, amazing warrior goddess queen. You are a female in this world and we can't have that. We can't have you starting out your day. Just everything sucks.
And that first little bit of it, of waking up like, oh crap, really seriously? Oh, I don't want to have to do this. Can literally stunt your happiness for an entire day. And if you're doing that to yourself every single morning, oh dear God, you know, your happiness is down the shitter every single day in the first five seconds that you open your eyes.
So the thought process here is you've got to start and we've talked about positivity in another episode already, but we really do need for females, you know, my beautiful women out there, you need to start seriously promoting yourself, being positive with yourself, not allowing the negative to drag you down because your thoughts are going to be the thing that are going to drag you down first thing in the morning because.
even if you have a significant other laying next to you, you wake up to your own mind, to your thoughts that are coming in there. And happiness is all about how you handle things. It's all about how you handle your day. It's all about how you handle situations. And we have to try, and this I know sounds ludicrous, because how are you supposed to do this? How are you supposed to...
Jesucita (06:23.772)
handle like when other people come at you and they're not happy and you feed off the factor that they're not happy and you continue to try and be happy. You know, it's a very, very difficult thing to do. But like I've said previously, everything in this life is repetition. It's doing it over and over and over and over again. Don't sit here and think that, you know, you're going to listen to these podcasts and immediately you're just going to wake up and you're just going to, you know, run, you know,
Sprint and be able to do all of this all at once. Habits take time. They take a lot of time, but you are so worth the time and that's what you need to understand. You need to put these steps in place. You need to take the time to continuously help yourself to get better. Because like I said, all of my life I had absolutely no idea that I was in charge of my happiness. And some people may be like, well that makes you the stupidest fucking human being in the world. And fine, whatever.
Don't really care. I finally got there, but I wish somebody had been there to tell me, wait a minute, these other people, these other things, society in general is not in charge of your happiness. You are in charge of your happiness. You are in charge of the life that you want to live. You're in charge of the positive you let in your life. You're in charge of the negative that you allow to rule over you. But I had never heard that.
So I had no idea and I had to claw my way out of some seriously deep shit in life in order to figure that out, you know, and be able to say, wait a minute, when this person's in a bad mood, I don't have to be in a bad mood. Or when this person isn't giving me the connection that I want with them.
I need to figure out how to deal with that in a positive way. I need to learn how to communicate with that person. And if that person continuously over time does not give me, you know, that connection that I need, guess what? I have the choice to leave. I have the choice to walk away. You know, you can't walk away from everything that's going to be hard in life. That's not what I'm saying. You know, it's that's not what this is about. You have to work at things. All relationships take work, you know.
Jesucita (08:36.724)
relatives, friends, romantic relationships, co -workers, your boss. Everything takes communication and time, but when it comes to your own happiness, the basic premise of this episode is to stop waiting for everybody else to make you happy.
It's never gonna happen. If you're waiting for everybody else to make you happy, sweetheart, I swear to you, it's never gonna happen. You have to be the one that's building your happiness.
And you have to be the one that's going to be able to build that wall around your happiness. Meaning that, you know, if drama is showing up, if bullshit is showing up, if negativity is showing up constantly in the people that are around you, in social media, on the television that you're watching, in society in general, if you're getting slammed constantly with negativity, then...
I'm sorry, your happiness is seriously gonna falter. It's gonna be really, really hard to sit there and stay happy and stay, you know, feeling a world of joy when you're getting clobbered every which way by something negative, something bad, something horrible. And if you're gonna go into every single day, like I said, and you wake up in the morning and you have these terrible thoughts, you know, oh shit, I gotta get up for work today. Okay, and this...
This little bit of it, I have been doing for years. I saw...
Jesucita (10:14.62)
It was a video. It was a video. I saw a video and it was going through something like that. It was going through how you know you get up in the morning and you're like, Oh God, you know, I don't want to do this. And then, you know, you get up and you hop in your beautiful SUV to go do whatever the morning entails.
but you're dreading having to do it. And then next to you in your beautiful SUV while you're bitching and screaming about the fact that you have to go do these things that you don't want to do. You don't want to go to work, whatever. There's somebody next to you waiting at a red light and they're in a shitty car that basically hardly runs and they're looking over at you and saying, God,
If only I had that, you know, the beautiful SUV, what they construed to be the beautiful life. And then next to this person in the shitty car is a person on a bicycle. And the person on the bicycle is looking at the person in the shitty car and they're going, my God, I just wish that I had a shitty car and I didn't have to ride this bicycle to work every single day. And then next to the person on the bicycle is a person on the sidewalk who's walking.
and they're looking at the person on the bicycle and they're thinking to themselves, my god, I wish I had a bicycle so that way I could ride the bicycle to work. That would be amazing. And next to the person who's walking is a person in a wheelchair looking at the guy who's walking and saying, my god, I wish that I had my legs so that way I could walk to work.
And I remember the first time that I ever saw that video, it seriously knocked me on my ass. I was like, wow, that is, wow, that puts a whole bunch of shit in life into perspective.
Jesucita (12:06.618)
You know, I love having my legs. I love the factor that I can breathe on my own. I know there are so many people in this world who are not as lucky as I am. So every single day I wake up and I am thankful beyond belief that I have everything that I need in my life. I can breathe on my own. I can walk on my own. I have all of my limbs, everything as of right now for me, I am in excellent health. You know, life is good.
But I work at that. And that's all part of your happiness. You know, I work to try and keep myself as healthy as humanly possible because I don't want to pay the piper at the end of my life where I'm dying in a hospital, riddled with disease and just can't believe the unimaginable pain and sorrow that I'm going through at the end of my life. So everything when it comes to happiness is basically being grateful.
for what you have. Now you may not have a whole hell of a lot, but, and I start out, you know, with things that most people would take for granted. I start out with the factor that I can walk. I start out with the factor every single day that I get to open my eyes for one more day and make this life whatever it is I want it to be. You know, I wake up every single day and that's the first thought in my, in my mind. My first thought is I thank God for the factor that I got to wake up. I thank God for this life.
I put a smile on my face. And then I get my ass out of bed and I go fucking do the work that I need to get done. Is every single day a bucket of rainbows and sunshine? No, it's not a bucket of, you know, it's not fabulous all the time. I mean, even today, as I'm talking to you right now, you know, it wasn't the best morning. I'm not going to lie to you. I have a 15 year old daughter, you know, shit happens in life. And.
Sometimes it's not always gonna be fabulous and it's not always gonna be wonderful, but you're here and you're alive, so why not try and make it the best fucking life possible with as much happiness as you can do? You know? Are you alive right now? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have clean water? You know, there are people in the world who don't have clean water.
Jesucita (14:22.372)
You know, do you get to eat without a tube shoved down you? Are you out in the world and not living a life in prison or living a life hooked up to a hospital bed? Happiness comes in a whole bunch of different forms and there's 50 million ways in this, in your day to day life in order to find it. But we're getting to the point where the bad is what is consuming us because nobody's out there saying, Hey,
You have a choice in how your life can either be joyful or it can be incredibly unjoyful. And it's like, why not try over and over again for the joyful? Even if you're having, you know, you're joyful for part of the day and the day goes south, okay? You have a choice to turn that around.
to change your way of thinking about it, to actually, in the very beginning of me doing these practices, I'm not gonna kid you, because I wasn't the most joyful of human beings in this world. But I started doing exactly what I said. I started thinking every single day, thank you for my legs, thank you for my lungs, thank you, you know, that my husband is in good health, thank you that my daughter is amazing and wonderful and her own person, thank you for her health. And you start with things like that.
Things that you know that if they were taken away from you, your life would be incredibly different. It would be a lot harder than what you're going through right now. And I just kept reiterating that into my head over and over and over again. Thank you so much that I have my legs. Thank you so much that I can see. Thank you so much that I got to see the sun come up today. Whatever it is.
That's what you need to do. And it's fine if it's the same thing over and over again. If it's something that jerks you out of that yuck that you're feeling every single day, you know, then that's what you need to do. And it needs to happen over and over again. It needs to happen over and over and over again, every single day. And as time goes on, it may change, you know, those thankful for this and thankful for that will change. But doing that,
Jesucita (16:39.164)
actually brings positivity into your mind, into your body, and makes you start to feel better. So that way you can continue to strive for better happiness throughout the day. And like I said previously, you also have to come to the understanding that at times you're going to actually have things from the outside world that are not going to coincide. They're not going to connect with the vision that you have for yourself in this world, for that happiness.
and you're going to have to make the decision to cut that out of your life. You know, if you communicate with the world and say, I don't want this in my life. I don't want this negativity. I don't want all this bullshit. I don't want this drama. You know, I don't want this guilt that people try and spew on me all the time. Then.
You're going to have to make a couple of hard choices, but know at the end of the day, cutting out the drama and the bullshit and just the negative that constantly keeps trying to attack you from every which way possible, getting rid of that, you are going to feel better. In the beginning, you're going to be sad because you will have to in life, let some people go. You will. That's just the way that it works. You weren't meant to keep everybody in your life for the extent of your life.
And if they are not there to help you create, you know, being positive and having peace in your life, then they need to go. They need to go. You can communicate with them first, which is always a best step.
communicate with them first and after you've communicated with them, if they continue to do the drama and the bullshit and the negative and blah blah blah, then I'm sorry, you have to make a call. You have to make a call if you're willing to sacrifice your own happiness in order to have this person in your life. And like I said in the beginning, who's in charge of your happiness? You are.
Jesucita (18:41.66)
You're in charge of your happiness. Don't expect anybody ever to be in charge of your happiness. Don't ever give anybody that control. Because I'm going to tell you, every single time that you do that, you will end up unhappy. You will end up fucking unhappy. There is no which way around it because you're not in control of it. This is your happiness. This is happiness. I mean, think about that. Who in God's name for your life should be in charge of it? You should. You should be in charge of your happiness.
And like I said, I wish that that would have been something that I would have known or heard or something when I was much, much younger. I wish that would have been something, you know, that I would have known. The nice thing is, though, is because I did learn it in my life, I have been able to instill that in my daughter. You know, 15 years old knows that she's in charge of her own happiness.
knows when she goes out there to live in the world, she's gonna be the one that's in charge of it. Nobody else is gonna be in charge of making her happy. It's gonna be all up to her. Just like it's gonna be up to you, and you can do this. You can do this. You can find your own happiness. You can shape your world to be whatever it is that you want. You know, don't just stay in the little box. Don't just stay in the little corner. Don't just stay down. Don't just stay with what you know.
There's a great big world out there and you're in charge of what your world is going to look like. So don't let somebody control your happiness. But like I said, it's going to take repetition. It's going to take doing this over and over and over again and start out with the mornings of as soon as you open your eyes, be thankful for things that you more than likely take for granted.
You get to see, you get to hear the birds in the morning when they sing. You know, you get to take a shower without, you know, medical attention having to give you a sponge bath. You can walk. You can sing. You can talk.
Jesucita (20:57.766)
All of those things people take for granted so often and they can be taken away in an instant. You could get into a car accident, anything could happen. Stop taking these things for granted and appreciate them and see how much that that changed your thought process of, oh, fuck, I gotta go to work today.
You know? You're in charge of your happiness. You're in charge of what your day is. It's up to you. It's up to you if you want to be happy or if you want to be fucking miserable. It's entirely up to you, love. It's always been up to you.
Being an adult is hard. Being a kid is hard. Being anything in this world is hard. But you have the power and the strength to get through it, and we're giving you the tools to be able to make it a better life, to make it a happy life, to make it anything you fucking want it to be. Like I have always said in every single episode,
I am in your corner. I am the one that is here who believes in you, believes that you are capable of accomplishing anything and damn anybody who tells you that you can't. You are so capable. You are a female in this world, a fabulous, fabulous female. It's time for you to start putting the tools in place to get you to that life that you want for yourself. Stop letting other people have control.
And like I said, in the very beginning, take small steps. If you feel like you can't, just run right out the gate and do it. Take small steps and keep doing it every single day. Just doing it once isn't gonna do shit for you. You've gotta do it one day, then the next day, then the next day, then the next day. And every single day, you do a little bit more. You do a little bit more. Until after time,
Jesucita (22:53.02)
You will come to realize how much fucking better you feel, how much more knowledge you have, how much, how many more tools you have in your tool belt to go out and live that bad ass female successful life. But it's up to you because you are the only one that is in charge of your life. Up to you. I am in your corner as always. I believe in you. I know you've got this. I know you can do it. You are that strong. Don't let anybody tell you that you're not.
Alright, so I will see you on the next episode.