The title, just to explain it a little bit, I I calling it embracing joy in a deceiving world. I'm not calling it manufacturing joy. I'm not calling it, packaging joy. I'm not calling it holding on to joy, or maintaining joy, because joy is really something that comes and goes, that you really can't control. I think over time, it can be something that owns you a little bit more and more, and we'll talk about that.
Speaker 1:And then the reason I say in a deceiving world, because there are a lot of things in this world that will hold itself out as having the potential for joy, and very well can bring joy. But it's so easy to be deceived and pulled towards things, or try to control things as a way to package or maintain or hold on to joy. So it's just a subject in our culture because it's often about the American dream, or you if you work hard, you can achieve it. There's just a lot of deception about getting the life you want and that's within your control. So that's the title.
Speaker 1:Embracing Joy in a Deceiving World. Here's the big idea, for tonight, kind of an overview. Accepting the fallenness, and when I say fallenness, I mean this, the trials, the troubles, the suffering, the sorrow, the death that's in this world that we weren't made for. Okay? We were made for a different world.
Speaker 1:Accepting the fallenness of this world softens you, it awakens you, and it helps you to turn towards the Lord in surrender. Part of what I believe is we don't turn towards the Lord because it's a good idea, and we don't turn towards him because we should. We often turn towards him as a last resort, and a fallen world is a good place to really meet him and to turn to him. So the big idea is accepting the fallenness of this world in a way that softens you and awakens you and helps you to turn towards the Lord and surrender, and then that helps you to deepen relationship with him. Letting a fallen world impact you, letting it soften you, letting it change you, letting it till up that hardened heart, letting a fallen world impact you initially makes joy harder.
Speaker 1:Probably at 22, 24, 26, 28, I thought I knew what joy was, and really, it was, my wife having a miscarriage that was the first intrusion into, other than marriage, we had only been married a couple years at that point, that wasn't enough of an intrusion yet into my manageable world, but her miscarriage was the first intrusion in my adult life that I really began to think this world is not in my control. Things don't happen exactly the way you want. And that began to open our hearts and help us to welcome the fallenness of the world. But after she had a miscarriage, for a number of years, we felt sorrow or sadness or even grief over our own sin. We felt it a little bit deeper, a little bit more real, because we had spent most of our life trying to avoid that, trying to, find the American dream.
Speaker 1:And so as we opened our hearts and began to simply welcome that the world was more fallen than we had admitted, joy, in some ways, became harder. And I'll talk a little bit about why. But as we endured in that, as you let the fullness of this world impact, and you stay open to what I would call the joy of the Lord. And the joy of the Lord is, he does want to grace us and kind us now give us kindness now. But his joy is, it will all be set right, and it's all over will be overcome.
Speaker 1:His joy in some ways is more future than present. And as you're open to that, that whatever good, whatever joy, whatever happiness you experience in this world is like an hors d'oeuvre or a foretaste of future glory. The more you see it that way, the more it will impact you. But that's the joy of the Lord is it will all be set right. And you can taste hors d'oeuvres of that.
Speaker 1:You can taste moments that really help you help remind you that you're made for beauty, you're made for goodness, you're made for joy, but you can't control that. But the joy of the lord is, it is coming in fullness one day, we're not there yet. The kingdom is coming is the joy of the lord. So, however, as you let the fallenness of this world impact you and you stay open to the joy of the lord, you can learn to celebrate God's creation, and meaningful connection with others as a foretaste of future glory. Real joy is just simply celebrate celebrating God's creation.
Speaker 1:We'll talk about that. And then really letting the beauty of relation in relationship impact you. That's joy, celebrating his creation and then experiencing deeper connection with the lord and others. That is what brings us joy, and I'll talk a little bit about that. Before I I talk about that, I just wanna help you just remember and reconnect with, in this world, in especially in America, we really believe in a manufactured joy, and we're often often after that.
Speaker 1:Here's what Eugene Peterson says. He says, one of the most interesting and remarkable things Christians learn is that laughter does not exclude weeping. Christian joy is not an escape from sorrow. Pain and hardships still come, but they are unable to drive out the happiness of the redeemed. A common, but futile strategy for achieving joy is trying to eliminate things that hurt.
Speaker 1:Get rid of pain by numbing the nerve ends. Get rid of insecurity by, eliminating risks. Get rid of disappointment by depersonalizing your relationships. And then try to lighten the boredom of such a life of buying joy in the form of vacations and entertainment. The enormous entertainment industry in America is a sign of the depletion of joy in our culture, but that kind of joy never penetrates our love, never changes our basic constitution.
Speaker 1:Essentially, what I want you to begin to think is the problem in America is we don't wanna sorrow, we don't wanna feel the weight of a fallen world. We wanna keep ordering our lives in a way that we get around that, and Eugene Peterson put good words to that. But as you learn to welcome the fallenness of the world, that is a welcoming of sorrow, a groaning of difficulty, and really sorrow and joy go together. The scripture say this, weeping may go on for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Those who plan in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.
Speaker 1:When you order your life in a way to avoid pain, you actually rigidify your heart. You solidify your outer man, and that keeps anything from penetrating you. Probably the most classic example or, or a real caricature of this would be your very Christian Christian, who can't really admit any sorrow, any difficulty. Every other word out of their mouth is a Bible verse, and yet, you wouldn't want to have dinner with them if your life depended on it. Because their their life is not permeable.
Speaker 1:You can't speak into them. It's not a reciprocal relationship because they're ordering their life in a way where I'm not in control, so I'm gonna try to avoid all the pain that there is, and they don't realize that shuts their heart down to all of life. Not just pain, but joy and laughter and all the other good things that are that are in life. So I want you to think the first step really to real joy, to deep joy, is a surrender. That life is not in your control, and that you will experience fallenness no matter how hard you try not to.
Speaker 1:And what that does is soften your inner man and and makes you more receptive. I want you to think of this passage in this context. This is Luke 13. It says this, about this time, Jesus was informed that Pilate had murdered some people from Galilee as they were offering sacrifices at the temple. Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than all the other people from Galilee?
Speaker 1:Jesus asked. Is that why they suffered? Not at all. And you will perish too unless you repent of your sins and turn to god. And what about the 18 people who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them?
Speaker 1:Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem? No. And I tell you again that unless you likewise repent, you will also perish. And here's what Jesus is simply saying. Those tragedies that you can't explain, that you can't put into your box, that is not because someone did something wrong.
Speaker 1:It rains on the just and the unjust. And I'm not saying that God isn't sovereign, and isn't in control. I'm simply saying, we won't be able to explain everything that happens and put it in a box. And really what he's saying is, what fallenness gives us is a general reminder that we're not in control and a reminder that we should keep turning towards the Lord, unless you likewise repent. Repent is a turning away from our self reliance, away from our self towards the Lord.
Speaker 1:And so he's simply saying, Jesus, in this passage, that the fallenness of this world, the things that happen that are painful that you can't explain in a general way, disarm your self reliance and help you to keep turning to the Lord. I mean, in a simple way, when something bad happens, it's kinda like, oh my God. Like, it forces you to look up, to turn away from yourself. And so I'm just trying to build a case for welcoming the fallenness, seeing the fallenness. It should help you turn from yourself towards the lord.
Speaker 1:It should help your heart to soften or to open up to him. Alright. Letting a fallen world impact you means you let pain move into your inner man and soften the hardness of your heart. This creates questions and confusions about who god is, and if he will work all things together for good. I want to pause here and say this.
Speaker 1:Fallenness, unexplainable, difficulty, those type of things too often do not help Christians question God well. We are too quick, even in good gospel centered, redeemed communities, we are too quick to offer cliches and to try to make people feel good. We don't let people sit in difficulty long enough that it really softens, changes, and tilts up the hardness in our hearts. A simple little picture of that is in the story of Job, where he goes through tragedy that's unexplainable. It certainly has nothing to do with his behavior.
Speaker 1:He's a righteous man. It's so tragic that his When his friends show up, they don't say anything to him for a week. And then after a week, Job feels like these guys are pretty safe. I can tell him how confused I am, and he pours out all his confusion about God and who God is. And then his friends go from good friends to bad friends, because what they do for the next 30 chapters is try to give Job a horizontal reason for why these things happened.
Speaker 1:They try to put it in a box, and Job says this, you can talk to me all day and try to get me to put this in a box, but I know this. I'm confused about who God is, and until he reminds me that he's really big and really strong, I will have no rest. And I read when Job shows up when God shows up in Job's story, and it's long after, believe me, those guys throw a lot of cliches at him for a long time that he fights off. In fact, at one point, Job says, you guys are horrible friends. If I had a friend in this situation, I would help them in their grief.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't try to take it away. So Job continues to let the fondness impact him and question god. And then god shows up after about 30 chapters, And I see it as really kindness. A lot of people will see it as shame and God putting Job in his place. But really, God says, Job, you were right.
Speaker 1:You were confused about who I was. You forgot how strong I am. And I just want to remind you that you were nowhere near where I was when I formed the foundations of the world. I really am in control. And then Job softens and changes.
Speaker 1:And we know in some ways that that's really kindness on God's part, because after that, God says to one of Job's friends, if you go and offer a sacrifice to Job, and he prays for you, I will restore you, because you didn't speak rightly of me like Job did. God says Job did not sin in what he said. Job had the integrity to admit his confusion, to admit his fear, and wrestle with god for a long time until god showed up and reminded him who he was. And we don't have deep joy, and we don't have deep strength, because as communities, we don't let people sit in pain long enough. And oftentimes, we want to take their pain away, because we don't want to help them carry it.
Speaker 1:And we don't sit with them and wait with them until god restores them. So, letting a fallen world impact you, means you let the pain move into your inner man and soften the hardness of your heart. This creates questions and fusions about who God is, and if he will work all things together for good. As you wrestle with God and question him, it helps you to surrender to him. In this process, he's growing up inside of you, giving you buoyancy to welcome all of life.
Speaker 1:All I'm really saying is, we don't let the fondness of this world prompt us to wrestle with God long enough that we end up surrendering to him. Too often in our own minds, in our own evangelical myths and our friends, we short circuit the feeling of that pain and the questions and the wrestling that it brings, and we shut down to the deep work God wants to do. This is Philip Yancey's word. He says, we go to God with questions and he wants to give us more of himself. I don't think we linger in our questions, in our struggle long enough that we taste more of him.
Speaker 1:Job clearly had a extremely large taste of who God was. And can I tell you something? I don't think he ever forgot that, And I don't think we wait long enough for that kind of impact from God. So that's all to say this, learning how to welcome the fallenness of this world in a way that softens you and changes you. It says this, our hearts ache, but we always have joy.
Speaker 1:They go together, sorrow and joy. So that's a backdrop to what I want to say. And there's one other thing I want to say. If you in this fallen world, there's 2 postures we can choose. 1 is active control.
Speaker 1:Ecclesiastes says it this way. In many words, active control, working really hard to make my life work the way I want. In many words or in much dreaming, I create a dream world and I don't see what's really in front of me because it's too scary and it's too much out of my control. I just create this dream world. That's passive control.
Speaker 1:In many words and in much dreaming, there's foolishness, fear God instead. The Lord is trying to bring us to a deep place of surrender where we really live a surrendered life, where we recognize we're not in control, and in that posture, we can welcome anything that comes our way, whether it's difficulty or joy. But the reason we don't welcome joy well is because our countenances are so, focused downward and we're so trying to earn our life, or we're so turned away that we don't have a surrendered posture. Because here's what the scriptures say, that every good thing that comes into your life is a gift from God. It's James 117.
Speaker 1:The joy you want, the happiness you want, you cannot earn that. That is a gift as much as anything else is in your whole life. And the reason we don't experience deep joy, is we're spending so much effort turning away from the difficulty of life or trying to avoid it, that when joy comes our way, we're not able to we're not able to savor and celebrate it. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. The fawness of this world helps us to detach from our selfish, desire to be in control, and it builds this posture.
Speaker 1:So with this posture built, I wanna talk about 2 types of joy. What is joy? If we have this posture and we can welcome joy, what is it? The first kind of joy I want to talk about is forgetful joy. Forgetful joy is an experience of delight that comes from partaking in god's creation.
Speaker 1:This helps us to disregard our present reality as aliens and foreigners living in a strange land ruled by the accuser. Let me make them simpler words. I know there's some young families in Redeemer. I think when you have 3 young kids at home, it's one of the hardest seasons of life. Alright?
Speaker 1:And you're regularly reminded that you're in a fallen world and that you're really not in control. You have 3 kids running around under 4. It's really clear you're not in control. Alright? And it's really clear that the world has fallen.
Speaker 1:As beautiful as those 3 kids are, it's a clear reminder that the world's fallen and you're not in control. And so you do this. You plan a ladies' night out or a couple's night out. And you go out. And you go to Urban Standard or somewhere else where you can have a couple drinks.
Speaker 1:And you have a couple drinks, enough that you have a little buzz, and you begin to forget that you have 3 kids at home, because you're laughing, and you're enjoying fellowship, and you're connecting with adults. That is forgetful joy. In that moment, you forget that this is a fallen world. All right? I'm going to follow-up that story with a little bit more, But you forget in that moment that it's a fallen world.
Speaker 1:That's forgetful joy. Forgetful joy evolves from the simple pleasures god provides to help push away the weight of this fallen world. I can remember years ago, this is a simple little story, I was I like to have a cup of coffee in the morning, because it's the clearest reminder that god's mercies are new every morning. Alright? And and it's funny, but honestly, like, we live in time and space, and god mediates his grace in time and space.
Speaker 1:My cup of coffee is a clearest Well, that and the fact that my wife is still there every morning, both of those things are a clear reminder that god's mercy is new every morning. But one morning, I hadn't got my cup of coffee at home, and I was meeting with someone, and I think it was, you know, like a younger single, 22, 23, 24. And I said, you may not understand this, but I gotta make some coffee before we start. Like, I've just gotta sit for a second with my coffee, so I can get some kindness from god, and then we can start talking. Alright?
Speaker 1:So forgetful joy evolves from the simple pleasures god provides to help push away the weight of this fallen world. Forgetful joy can happen to us each day. It can be a vacation. And let me just say this simply. Remember I talked about a surrendered posture.
Speaker 1:Can I tell you why vacations end up being misery for a lot of people? It's because you spend all year planning that that is gonna be your happy moment, and you believe that joy is on your shoulders, and you make all the plans, and you figure out, like, with those 3 young kids, all the stuff you're gonna have on that vacation that's gonna help you, or you're gonna go away with those kids. And then, the minute fawness shows up in that vacation, it can be a flat tire, it can be a mean person that's serving you food, it can be something. But fondness shows up and the whole vacation caves because you thought joy was your responsibility. But if you're surrendered, really what you're thinking is, we've put a week aside in a really nice place, and, lord, we're hoping that it's really joyful, but we're not in control of that.
Speaker 1:So then, if you're having a good meal and the kids are behaving, what you do is you stay as long as you can and you drink it in because you realize tomorrow might be different. Alright? You can't and that's the surrendered posture. When joy comes See, we're funny. We're we're Christians and when joy comes, we're afraid to enjoy it because we think that'll cause it to stop.
Speaker 1:You know that's not Christianity. Okay? What you do is when joy comes, you open up your sails and you celebrate it and you get lost in it because you're in a fallen world and it will leave at some point. Alright? But if, and I may say more of this later, if you keep learning to live a surrendered life and welcome the joy that comes, you begin to really realize that the kingdom is coming one day, and then joy begins to own you on a more regular basis, only because the spirit has grown up inside of you.
Speaker 1:So forgetful joy is it can happen any day. It can be a vacation, a sunset, set, a good night's sleep, a long run, a cup of coffee in the morning, a good book, or a humorous humorous exchange with a friend. Forgetful joy is attached to the sensual pleasures god gives us to each day. Realize the same thing when you're surrendering. Instead of being hardened, your your heart is softened, so you actually can enjoy sensuality more.
Speaker 1:Do you know we're sensual beings and there's nothing wrong with sensuality? We're supposed to enjoy it and drink it in. Alright? But if your heart softens, you're more open to sensuality and you can just enjoy it. You're not afraid of it.
Speaker 1:Says this. The prophet Nehemiah said to his people, go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our lord. Don't be dejected and sad for the joy of the lord is your strength. Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared.
Speaker 1:The joy of the Lord is your strength. If as a community, you really learn that you're not in control, and the fullness of this world helps you to surrender that control, then your celebrations ought to really help you get lost in joy, and you should celebrate as a body. Alright. The simple gifts of this life connect us with the lord's kindness and help us forget the weight of this world. Alright.
Speaker 1:Let me give you one other picture of this, and I wanna, just clarify something about it. This is Psalm 104. You cause grass to grow for the cattle. You cause plants to grow for the people to use. You allow them to produce food from the earth, wine to make them glad, olive oil as lotion for their skin, and bread to give them strength.
Speaker 1:That's Psalm 104. Danny Onder and Tremper Longman say this about that passage. To make them glad implies a degree of joy brought through the chemical effects of the wine. There are a number of degrees of intoxication, and the word in this passage implies a slight buzz, a small, but pleasant change of mood due to the wine. The idea that god recognizes the sorrow and desperation of living in a fallen world and provides for an occasional oasis break in our desert journey is not a commonly held Christian perspective.
Speaker 1:Believe as you learn to welcome the fallenness of the world more than the gifts that come into your life, you see them as a break from living in a fallen world, and you're able to enjoy them. Now, here's why I want to take it a little bit further, because our tendency is to make those gifts idols. What a person does who's an alcoholic is he uses a good gift to flee from the pain of this world. And when we choose a good gift and we want to control it and use it to flee, then that thing ends up owning us. Longman and Allender go on to say this, pleasure is meant to prompt us to praise god.
Speaker 1:Whenever we use pleasure to flee, we usually indulge to the point of oblivion. We overdo the pleasure to accomplish the desired end, which is escape. But pleasure that is full of praise has a boundary, an acknowledged limit that allows the heart to taste pleasure while also wetting the appetite for more. Now, that's a lot of words, so I'll go back to our example. Remember the young couples, or the young mothers that are out?
Speaker 1:And they have a little buzz, and they really realize or forget that they're not in a foreign world, and they're really enjoying it. But none of them uses that alcohol to flee, so they're not numbed out. Alright? And as they say good night and they head back to their car, there's some sadness, because they realize there's 3 kids sleeping at home, and they're gonna wake up tomorrow morning. And what they begin to feel is this, that was a taste of heaven.
Speaker 1:Oh, my Lord. That is gonna be so sweet. Lord, thank you for that gift. That acknowledged limit, where it's a buzz and not getting drunk, it wets the appetite for more. It helped me get lost in the joy of the evening.
Speaker 1:It was a gift to have some forgetful joy, but because there was an acknowledged limit, and I didn't use it to flee, there's some pain, a little sorrow as I head to the car. And here's my prayer. Lord, keep giving me gifts. Keep giving me hors d'oeuvres that help me to wait for the full course meal. It's in something that wets the appetite for more.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? All right. That's forgetful joy. The other type of joy is connected joy. This type of joy comes to us in more meaningful relational encounters with the Lord and others.
Speaker 1:It is a fuller taste of joy because it goes beyond the sensuality of physical pleasure. Experiencing physical pleasure is is a joy, but there's a deeper joy. It goes beyond the sensuality of physical pleasure and touches us in the depths of our soul. Connected joy is contentment from experiencing an intimate touch from the Lord that reminds us he has not forgotten us, and that he will one day that we will one day see him face to face. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence, and the pleasures of living with you forevermore.
Speaker 1:I'll just give you an example of connected joy. It's 2 friends who, I don't know, grew up together, go to college together. One of them gets a job, and the other one doesn't for 8 or 9 months. And they talk through that and they pray about that and they go out for dinner because the second friend gets a job. And as they talk about that and celebrate that, the friend who gets the job weeps and softens a little bit because she says to the other friend, your patience with me, your endurance with me, help me to wait.
Speaker 1:And that joy is more than just a meal because there's relationship involved and we're primarily relational people. So when you and this is the beauty about building a community together. When you labor with others and then experience what you were trying to accomplish together, that joy penetrates deeper than something that simply touches your physical senses. I mean, Sunday, my, middle daughter had a show her spring show choir show, and she sang a little solo, and she did a really good job. And like just my wife and I sitting together, there was a way that we were connected more deeply than at other times.
Speaker 1:Now, apart from the lord, that still would have been enjoyable moment. But but that process of surrendering in the fallen world, like where we kept trying to and that's our second born that we really tried to manage for a long time. She really helped me let go of control. For those of you who have parents that have a second born may understand that. Okay?
Speaker 1:But she forced me to see the lord more clearly and give up my control as a man. And we had to give her to the lord, and we were wrestling and naming different things biblically as we walked with her. So to see her in a moment where she's just giving her gifts to the world, that penetrates much deeper because of all the meaning infused in that as we struggle together. And also because we were really thinking her voice is a gift, the fact that she did well is a gift because she simply could have messed up. Like, all of that is a gift.
Speaker 1:We didn't feel an ounce of pride in that because of the surrender. So that touched us even deeper. And there was a moment of worship because we rise that moment has very little to do with who we are or what we've done, or that's simply a gift. This is in some ways how much we try to live this philosophy, this theory. My oldest, when she was in 5th grade, got this little Chamber of Commerce award for character out of all the 5th graders.
Speaker 1:And here's what she said to me that night when she got home. She said, dad, I got more congratulations than I can remember. It's because they made an announcement on the loud speaker. Right? And she said, in that moment, I thought it's all about me.
Speaker 1:Then she said, as I began to think about it, and dad later tonight I thought, God, you just gave me that gift. There were other people who were just as deserving. She said, Dad, then I got afraid. I realized he can take away what he gives. Just in that she was a 5th grader processing it that way.
Speaker 1:She has some gifts, but that's where we we don't want them to think they've achieved anything. If they've used their gifts in the way God's enabled them and good comes their way, they can take joy in that, but there's a way that they name that. That's not what we've earned. That's not what we've achieved. That is a gift from the lord.
Speaker 1:So when you live a surrendered life and then you labor with others and you experience a moment of accomplishment or a moment of togetherness, that's a much deeper joy than just forgetful joy. It's what I would call connected joy. It penetrates deeper. Alright. Let me say one other thing.
Speaker 1:We tend to think that connected joy, especially as a believer, often is only those moments of worship. Now I believe a quiet time, a Sunday worship, because of the sacramental nature of that, I believe that can bring you connected joy a lot more than other things. But if you grow a humbled, surrendered life and you guys have experienced this. There's times you've been in a car, and and you don't feel like anything's going on, and this song comes on, and you begin to soften or even weep. And through that song, the lord is saying to you something personally, because you've been wrestling with him over stuff day in and day out.
Speaker 1:And there's something about that truth in that song that penetrates you in a moment where you hear the lord say, I have not forgotten you. That is connected joy. And And I believe when you live more and more of a surrendered life, you experience those moments more frequently. The more you try to make those moments happen, okay, the less they will happen. God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
Speaker 1:The more surrendered you become, the more in everyday life you experience moments of connected joy with the lord. They can be with other believers, they can be in worship, they can be in prayer, but they can be as much having a cup of coffee or driving in the car. Alright? Alright. Let's talk a second about 4 things that impact our experience of joy in this culture.
Speaker 1:I'll go through them somewhat quickly. The first thing is consumerism. We live in a culture. Evil's greatest lie was god is holding out on you. And when you see that ad for the new iPhone, I'm not a 4s whatever, okay, and you've got the 3, what do you begin to feel?
Speaker 1:God's holding out on me. I need that Apple phone or whatever. We live in a culture where all the advertisement says, God is holding out on you and you need more. And it's everywhere you go. Says this, but people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction.
Speaker 1:For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, and some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. I'll simply say this. There's 2 things in this world where you can see what you're doing with God most clearly. That is your sexuality, or sex, and money. The reason money is important is because we're so tempted to believe that having it means life.
Speaker 1:And if you really want to live freely with deep joy, you have to really learn Matthew 6, that God has your hairs numbered, he will continue to care for you, and he will give you food and shelter and covering. You really have to challenge the fundamental lie in our culture that money is power, money is life, you need more of it. I can remember when I was This was years ago. When I was doing a sermon on consumerism, and I was going to paint my house. And as I began to plan on painting my house, you know what I dreamed of?
Speaker 1:I needed a big ladder for this one side of the house, and I began to check the ads in the Sunday paper, and see when big ladders were on sale. Okay? And then I thought, I need a spray gun. And I began to think of all the things I need. And then doing this sermon, I was convicted.
Speaker 1:And I thought, I don't really need all those things. In fact, I know people who have those things. And if I ask to borrow those things, I'll connect with them. They will become part of painting my house. And when I go over to pick it up, we'll talk a little bit.
Speaker 1:It will increase community. And that's exactly what I did. That was about 14 years ago. Do you know how many times I would have used that ladder or that paint gun since then? Not once.
Speaker 1:That would be sitting in a garage that would need to be bigger than it is right now, if I was more owned by consumerism. So that's a fundamental lie that you need more and you need more money to get it, that I think robs your experience of joy. The more you're realizing that however you're being, however you're working, like, that is simply the way god is providing for you. Your hard work is not providing for you. Your ability to work is what god gives you.
Speaker 1:That job he gave you, the way he blesses that company, that's all a gift. And you just have your hands open and you're receiving it. And then you want to learn to put money under you and it serve you and it's not up here and you're living in fear of it, always needing more of it. There's a way it can be below you because of that surrendered life and then joy comes to you as a gift more and more and more. So consumerism is one thing that I think robs our experience of joy.
Speaker 1:Let me read this quote. The culture of consumerism is not just possessing things, but doing so with such frequency, volume, and unquestioning routine that those very things, as well as the values with which they are laden, actually possess us. Consuming becomes the central fact around which all of daily life revolves. Consumer culture warps our sense of identity by selling us on the notion that we are what we own. It legitimizes our greed and it dispenses with the notion that being a person of virtue involves self restraint and discipline of the appetites.
Speaker 1:Consumerism wars against our souls. Realize consumerism says there are no limits. There are no boundaries. The Holy Spirit can grow a self control in you that helps you really enjoy without going towards numbness, and so then you really get lost in the gifts that come to you. Alright.
Speaker 1:So, consumerism. Lack of enjoyment with God's creation. I think it's one of the fundamental mistakes we make in a very urban culture. We simply don't spend enough time outdoors. Alright?
Speaker 1:This is Mary Piper. She says this. I think the natural world has great power to heal and restore broken families. Children need contact with the natural world. It's an antidote to advertising.
Speaker 1:It gives them a different perspective on the universe. Looking at the Milky Way makes us feel small and yet a part of something vast. Television, with its emphasis on meeting every need, makes people feel self important and yet unconnected to anything greater than themselves. Creation has a way of opening up opening us up and expanding our soul. The world and the immediacy of the world tends to shut us down and constrict us, nature opens us up and makes us more receptive.
Speaker 1:I read that book. It's from Nancy Piper, The Shelter of Each Other. And she talked about not spending time outdoors as family and things like that. And I decided to become an urban camper. And we go to, like, Oak Mountain Park, and I have electricity, but we sleep in tents.
Speaker 1:And, at a lot of the state parks, our cell phones don't work. And here, this was back when, years years ago, my wife was still home schooling. I would take my 3 girls away so she could plan for the weekend. And I wouldn't have cell phone coverage. And what I would do was just be with my girls.
Speaker 1:And the way nature opened me up, like their beauty, their softness, the glory of my 3 daughters impacted me more. And this is no lie. It totally surprised me. The 1st Sunday as we were I was packing up the tent, I simply began to weep. Because I realized how much of my daughters I had tasted because nature had opened me up so much.
Speaker 1:And I think the fact that we don't rest and spend time outside in nature, it constricts us. It shuts us down. Remember the the scriptures say this, for the creation of the world for the creation of the world, god's invisible qualities, his eternal power, and his divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. The heavens declare the glory of God. The skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Speaker 1:I simply, you know, for many of you know, Red Mountain Park opened up. And I have a road bike, and I'll go down to Oak Mountain State Park and ride my road bike. It was amazing. I don't have a mountain bike, but I've been looking in Craigslist for the last 4 or 5 weeks for 1. Okay?
Speaker 1:Any of you got a good mountain bike you want to sell for about $50, I'm in. But I borrowed my daughter's mountain bike to go try out Red Mountain Park. And ran I mean, rode for about an hour in the trails. And it was amazing to me how much more that experience impacted me than riding my road bike on the road at Oak Mountain State Park, simply because I was making a different kind of contact with nature. One other story with that, I grew up, 3 quarters a mile from the Jersey Shore.
Speaker 1:The beloved Jersey Shore. Okay? And my life was somewhat crazy growing up. And when I was stressed, and I didn't have a personal relationship with the Lord growing up, I was in a very religious home and and the and the Lord was part of that, but it was not relational the way it is now. And whenever I was stressed or anxious or wanted to pray, I would go down to the ocean.
Speaker 1:I didn't know why back then, but I would go down to the ocean and walk and walk. And there was something about the largeness of the ocean that said, you can rest. It was about 25, 30 years later 25 years later, I was doing a class in my doctoral class called individual spiritual enhancement. And the question was, how has nature enhanced your spirituality? And what I began to remember was after I was converted my freshman year in college, the first thing I did when I came home was go down, after a year of being converted, was go down to the beach and walk along the beach.
Speaker 1:And I wept and wept and wept as I walked along the beach, and I didn't know why. And it was doing that class about 15 years later at that point that I realized why. Because for the 1st 18 years of my life, the way I knew that God was large and that he cared about me was by walking along the ocean. And the kindness of that somehow gave my heart stillness and spoke to me in a way that provided some protection in life until I knew God intimately or personally. So, I would just say this, our experience of joy is minimized because we don't spend time outdoors enough.
Speaker 1:And you want, when it's nice out, you wanna eat outside and be on the deck and run and walk and do whatever you can. It's just, in some ways, a lost art in an industrial culture, a non agrarian culture. Alright. One other thing is this. And I've kind of said this, but half hearted celebrations, all right?
Speaker 1:We do too many half hearted celebrations. If any of you know Dan Allender, sometime you've got to listen to him talk about halfhearted celebration in church potlucks and what they should really be like. Okay? Because he's really good, much better than I could describe it. All right?
Speaker 1:But when we party, we celebrate forgetful joy. And when we tell stories, we celebrate connected joy. When something good happens to you, why do you have an impulse to call somebody? Because you want to celebrate that. As you simply tell somebody the story of something good that happened to you, and they listen and don't make it about them, they actually enjoy it with you, that joy goes deeper.
Speaker 1:And you're naming it as a gift from God. It becomes more real. So partying well and telling stories are a way of celebrating God's goodness. The scriptures clearly remind us to rejoice with those who rejoice. One of the best ways to honor god's kindness is to share it with friends.
Speaker 1:If we are to become people of strength and hope, one of the avenues there is learning to celebrate well. That's why we do birthdays and anniversaries. And really, there should be, and often is, some words, some cards, some things to mark that moment as the gift from God it is. When you celebrate 50 years of marriage because you've worked hard, you're not naming it as a gift. When you celebrate 50 years of being married because God helped you to do that way beyond your ability, then that celebration goes much deeper.
Speaker 1:And it goes much deeper when it's in a beautiful atmosphere where people are really enjoying it. That's just celebrating well. Your stories are also a way to celebrate God's kindness. You might simply tell your friend about the new, this would be me, the new brand of coffee you're enjoying in the morning. Or you might sit weeping at their side describing a profound moment of god's kindness.
Speaker 1:Either way, by sharing together in these moments, we are saying and re saying, the Lord cares about us and has not forgotten us. As we recount these moments, we're crystallizing their impact and working God's kindness into the deeper recesses in our heart. When you share the beauty of your child's 5th birthday with your friends, there's a way that penetrates you deeper. When you tell stories about the good things that are god's doing, it's a way that joy goes deeper. I'll give you one picture of it.
Speaker 1:Alright? You know about the Israelites in captivity, right, in Egypt? That captivity was kinda hard, if you remember. The plagues and all that kind of stuff. I wouldn't have wanted to be in captivity.
Speaker 1:I don't know about you. Okay? Then finally, they get let go. They get out of captivity, and they start leaving. And pharaoh changes his mind and comes after them.
Speaker 1:Right? So they're heading for the Red Sea. I'm thinking, after all those years of captivity and the Israelites behind us, I'm thinking, this ain't looking too good. Alright? Then god parts the Red Sea.
Speaker 1:And I'm getting a little bit hopeful. I get over on the other side and the water fills in on the Israelites. I'm a little bit more hopeful. But if it's me, after all that captivity and what they treated me like, I mean, the Egyptians, the water goes on the Egyptians, I'm still moving. The water's over them, but I'm afraid them dudes are getting up out of that water and coming after me.
Speaker 1:I'm moving. I'm out of there. I keep going until I know it's free and clear. You know what God said to the Israelites? Stop.
Speaker 1:Stop. I know you're nervous, because you just got out of captivity, but I just parted the Red Sea. I did something kind of big. So I want you to pause and I want you to build an altar. And I want you to stop and remember the good thing I've done because your tendency is to forget that.
Speaker 1:You need to stop and celebrate the good that God has done. I remember working with a couple I did there. It was a second marriage for one of them, a first for the other. They were kind of older. I did some individual counseling, premarital counseling, and they got married.
Speaker 1:Really happy. I was in part of the wedding. They came back a year later, and I was like, Who are these people? They don't like each other. They don't even like me anymore.
Speaker 1:Who are these people? And we worked together for a couple months, and they got through their difficulty. And there was a family with some means. And I simply said, I want you to mark this. This is your first big difficulty.
Speaker 1:You made it through together, and I want you to buy something that will symbolize this moment. I want you to celebrate it. I said you could get a nice love seat, and whenever you're in difficulty, you could sit on that love seat as a reminder that god can work all things together for good, or a piece of art that you sit underneath, or whatever. I just want you to mark it. I want you to celebrate it.
Speaker 1:It's a way of simply taking what god has done and helping it to go deeper. Alright? So, we're gonna break in a second. I'll just review. I said this.
Speaker 1:Deep joy comes on the other side of embracing the fallenness of the world because that causes you to surrender. And it opens you up to receiving joy as a gift. Forgetful joy is the pleasures in this world. God we live in time and space. God wants to give us gifts that bring us joy, that help us forget that we're journeying in a a fallen world.
Speaker 1:Connected joy is just experiencing moments of togetherness with those you've labored or a moment when the Lord just profoundly reminds you that he has not forgotten you because you've been walking and laboring with him. That's connected joy. And then I simply talked about 3 things that get in the way of joy. It was consumerism, a lack of enjoyment in god's creation, and half hearted celebrations. So we're gonna take a break, and we'll come back and chat for
Speaker 2:a while.
Speaker 1:Alright. Anybody has any questions? Yeah. Yeah. Good question.
Speaker 1:So You're running. I've gotta Yeah. I'll repeat the and and remind me if I don't, because sometimes I get caught up and forget. Question is, if Job's friends didn't listen well, how do we listen well and care for somebody in grief? Is that the Yeah.
Speaker 1:Let me say this. Here here's the funny thing. The hardest thing to do is to sit with somebody in grief and not say anything. And oftentimes, we're talking because we feel uncomfortable. That person's feeling uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:I've worked with a number of people in grief and you wouldn't they're so vulnerable and they get so beat up in their mind. So sit don't minimize sitting with them. And if you listen to them and you simply say back to them what they say and say, I could understand how you feel that way. Even if that feels crazy. Because something inside you will wanna take that away, but let's just first suggest you listen to them.
Speaker 1:And mostly what you do is listen and sit with them. And you don't say a lot. You're slow to speak and quick to listen. And you leave, you're actually feeling worse because it feels like you didn't help them in their grief. But they feel better, because they gave you some of it and you just took it and you walked away with it.
Speaker 1:And now you're having to pray for them differently, because you're more impacted by what they're carrying. I think that may sound crazy, but I think the most simplest way is to fight the tendency that I must make them feel better. I must say something smart. I must take it away, as opposed to, let me help them shoulder it. Let me help them carry it, and let me wait with them for a different day.
Speaker 1:And the more you have a posture where you can wait and you don't have to speak, that's when you'll find some words that actually are helpful. But the more you have to speak, because you're nervous and anxious and you don't wanna feel what they're feeling, the less those words will impact them. So that's my someone asked about a good book or reference, and I'll just about that during the break. On our website, daymark counseling.com, we have resources and a reading list. And I have a grief, suffering, sorrow, and the books are there if you're interested.
Speaker 1:The the the best book I love on this subject is Gerald Sitzer. The title of that book is A Grace Disguised, How the Soul Grows Through Loss. He's a thoughtful, humble man. It's a beautiful book. He lost his mother, wife, and daughter in a car accident and writes about it.
Speaker 1:It's a beautiful book. So any follow-up or is that that's Alright. Anybody else? Let me say one other thing. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Just to go back to connected joy, let's say you wait with that person well, and even over time, like you're really a good friend who helps them shoulder the grief. And then, when they are feeling joy, you're there too. That will be a much more connected joy because you are really part of helping them get there, walking with them there. So go ahead. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. The question is, how do how do we think about the joy James talks about in chapter 1, where he says, count it all joy when you encounter various trials. I would say even in that, that is an eschatological joy, a future joy. I don't think we're supposed to act joyful in trials at all. I don't believe that's what that means.
Speaker 1:Because what difficulty does, and it's some of what I've talked about, a Christian child is not pass or fail. The trial that comes your way is under god's sovereignty, and that isn't to cause you to fail. And I wouldn't say you could even get a direct purpose on why it's come. But what will happen is the trial brings to the surface what is nasty or funky in your life. Okay?
Speaker 1:And you see it more clearly. That's the impurities coming to the surface, the trial of fire. And then that falls away. And what you have left is self control and peace and love and joy. You have more character.
Speaker 1:But you will only see that in hindsight. So that type of joy and I think, the way I talk about joy, if you're living a surrendered life, and if you have a deeper trust in the Lord, what you're able to do in those moments when you come in difficulty, you're able to just do a better job of welcoming it. And in our culture, in our words, instead of saying, count it all joy, I would say, welcome that joy, embrace it, accept it, don't fight against it knowing that it can produce love, joy, peace, patience, and you will only see it as a result. So I think you only see the joy that comes in trial when you look back. I don't believe you'll see it as you go through it.
Speaker 1:And whether, like I mean, a trial can be as grave as, like, Gerald Stitzer, who lost 3 people in a car accident. Like, he never has to call that moment good or that event good. And I think what he can do is is really grieve that. And when he gets to a point of some rest in his soul, I don't believe he'll ever have perfect rest till heaven when he can put all things together. When he has some rest in his soul, he will probably move towards some more joy in this world that grows out of that, but it's not That's not why that happened.
Speaker 1:You can't put those two things together, so he doesn't have to count that event as joyful. But consider all joy is the Lord can do something in these difficulties, and after he's done it and you look back, I think you'll enjoy that or take joy in it. So that's how I would answer it. Alright. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's a
Speaker 1:great question. Do I see a difference in joy and contentment? I'll say this. I think I would put contentment with rest, and I would probably put joy with pleasure. I would say enjoy.
Speaker 1:I think there's just some some more sensual pleasure. It's it impacts your senses a little bit more. It heightens, lifts your spirits a little bit more. That's I I think they're very similar, biblically. But that would be the difference, I would say.
Speaker 1:Contentment is more about rest and peace. And, I would say joy just has a a different taste of pleasure in it. That's how I would differentiate it. Anybody else? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. The question being, in suffering or difficulty, we can actually move away from the lord instead of move towards the lord. And can we distinguish the difference in how do we? Is that the Okay. If if and follow-up, if it if it's, I would just say this.
Speaker 1:I think in general, it will, for anybody going through a real difficulty, there will be some distance from the Lord. I, I do some graduate teaching, and I was this fellow had a, they have to do this case study where there's grief and apply theory to it and stuff. And he said that he this, teenager in the scenario had lost his mother and brother, I think. And he said, he would, make sure he prayed with him every session. And I wrote on his paper, I said, for some people and I said, probably for few people, praying at first would probably not be helpful.
Speaker 1:Because when you experience a tragedy you can't explain, it gives you questions about God. It wounds you about God. And our tendency is to try to get them too quickly to God, and that pushes them away from God. On some level, your kindness, your patience with them is incarnating a picture of God. And you're waiting with them until a different point when I think they can move towards god.
Speaker 1:So my first thing would be, I think it's gonna push them away. And then what you have to discern, and this is where someone asked me a question during the break similar to this. And I said, what you have to do is then have some thoughtfulness about the person's story. Alright? If, in general, it's a person who's been through some difficulty and you know they have some resiliency, And and that person may even question, I feel like I'm I don't have peace with God, and they're kind of lamenting and stuff.
Speaker 1:And I think you could say to them, I'm not anxious for you. I'm going to wait with you, and I know you. You're you're some integrity in your heart. I believe at a different point, you will be moving towards the Lord. I think someone with a different story, you may and they're not questioning.
Speaker 1:Their their countenance is kind of down, and that's partly how you know they're moving away, and maybe they're pulling away from you. That just gives you some indication of the direction they're going in. And then, to that person, you may say, hey. And really, you need to start out with just chatting with them. Don't automatically assume.
Speaker 1:And then, just try to take the conversation to go to a place where you can kindly say, it really seems to me that you're moving away, and I wanna walk with you towards the lord or something. Is that Yeah. Yeah. So most of it depends. I think any difficulty is gonna move you away, and then the direction you're moving, I think, has a lot to do with your story previously.
Speaker 1:Alright. Yeah. So okay. Question is, if someone hasn't experienced significant suffering, 3rd world country, real tragedy, loss of someone, how can they enter into joy? I wanna tell you, my perspective is all of you have suffered significantly.
Speaker 1:Some of you have admitted that. I believe all of you have suffered significantly. Some of you have admitted that. I'm not saying 3rd world suffering. There's different degrees of suffering.
Speaker 1:And your flesh will always tell you there's worse suffering, so you don't have to honor yours. Alright? But I'll just say this. 2 Couple passages. This is Romans 8.
Speaker 1:Even we Christians who have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, grown to be released from pain and suffering. We too had anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children. That starts out saying even you even we Christians have the holy spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory. When the holy spirit comes into you at conversion, you realize you were made for ultimate beauty and perfection. Eternity has been set in your hearts, and you do not live in a world where that beauty and perfection reigns.
Speaker 1:Evil is prince of this world. So that's why it says, even we Christians have the holy spirit within us is a foretaste of future glory, grown to be released from pain and suffering. So let me Then let me go a little bit further and say this, 2 passages. An earthly father disciplines his children the best he knows how, but god disciplines us perfectly. If you ask your earthly father for bread, will he give you a stone?
Speaker 1:If such sinful wicked do such kind things, how much more your father in heaven? I think on a horizontal level, I'm as as good a father as there is. Do you want to know how I realized what a bastard I am? Is when I was shoving my kids in their car seat. Alright.
Speaker 1:I knew I was supposed to care for those vulnerable girls, and there were times I did the opposite of that. For what you were made for, perfect relationship, perfection, every parent, every family falls far short of what you were made for. Each of you has experienced enough suffering that it could soften you if you admitted it, if you welcomed it, if you accepted it. There's plenty of suffering. Now, that's way different than people in other cultures.
Speaker 1:In general, there are some people, honestly, in this culture, in a home ripe with abuse, where it's actually worse because they're in a culture where it should be recognized, where people should have protected them and all of that. And that suffering could actually be worse than the catastrophe of something that happens in a third world country because it's processed way differently. And that makes sense. Has that answered your question at all? Alright.
Speaker 1:I just And let me say one other thing about why I say, if you haven't welcomed that suffering, why you can't experience deep joy. My particular understanding of the human heart is that sorrowing well is the doorway that refines your inner man, that opens your heart. These two passages. Sorrow is better than laughter because sorrow has a refining influence on us. And then it says this in 2nd Corinthians 7, we'll never regret that kind of sorrow.
Speaker 1:It helps us to turn away from sin and seek salvation. There is a refining or a turning in sorrow. And that turning is from self, from self reliance to the Lord, to trust in something bigger. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. And sorrow isn't just tears.
Speaker 1:Sorrow sometimes is when your friend says, what kind of day are you having? You say, I'm not having a good day. And then if they try to take it away from you, you say, no, I really said I wasn't having a good day, and you need to let me not have a good day. Okay? Like, let me be big enough to not have a good day.
Speaker 1:Let me sorrow my day. Don't take it away from me. Okay? Something like that. Anyway.
Speaker 1:But sorrow doesn't mean just weeping. It's a whole And this is At a different time, I could define different types of sorrow in that. But sorrow is what changes us because in the moment of where we've stopped striving and our arms are open and we're saying, Lord, hold us, care for us. This world is too big. I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1:I can't protect myself. That is where he is growing up inside of you. Another passage, we have this earthly, we have this treasure in earthly vessels that the surpassing greatness of power might be of God and not of ourselves. We're afflicted in every way, but not crushed perplexed, but not despairing struck down, but not forsaken. Always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that his life might be manifested in our mortal flesh.
Speaker 1:When you let difficulty open you up and you kind of keep your eyes on the lord and you're trying to turn towards a minute, that's where, as I was trying to say earlier, he speaks to you. He comforts you. You're sorrowing. You're welcoming that trial, and that's really what gives you buoyancy in this world. So just to redefine why I say, if you've, I'm going to say, if you've not welcomed the sorrow in your life, you won't do deep joy.
Speaker 1:In fact, if you haven't welcomed the sorrow in your life, you will not be alive with a rich passion. I wish I had the quote here, But this guy recorded all the emotions of Jesus in the scriptures. And he says he groaned, he sorrowed, he wept, he sobbed, he laughed, he had joy exceedingly. And when you read all those emotions, if you read those, if you heard those emotions said about anyone in your world, you would think that person's unstable. That person's whacked.
Speaker 1:Alright? But Jesus was so secure in the Father that he was had a richness of emotions in his life, because he wasn't in control. And when you were with Jesus, you encountered him. He impacted you because he was so alive. His inner man was so alive.
Speaker 1:So much of our faith is simply rational. Our inner man is our mind, our will, which is our longing and our choosing and our emotions. We tend to work on our thinking and our choosing. Think right, choose right, think right, choose right. That's very evangelical and it rigidifies the heck out of you, and it destroys you.
Speaker 1:I'll just give you one example. Someone who's 9 loses his father. He's crying. His uncle walks in the room. And his uncle says, stop crying.
Speaker 1:You're the man of the house now. So he stops crying. And I see him in my office at 28 because he has a substance abuse problem. And he keeps telling me, I know it's wrong and I keep trying to stop. And when he tells me stories, I see that there's no sorrow in their life.
Speaker 1:And I see, after he lost his father, his family was so unprotected and evil came in and ravaged their family, and he feels no sorrow. And I know until I teach him to sorrow, and until the Lord holds him in his suffering, he will not have the buoyancy to say no to alcohol. Because what has to happen is he's learned to long for nothing because evil is so big in his life, and he's so afraid of it. And he has felt nothing. So his inner man cannot worship God.
Speaker 1:It cannot live with buoyancy. It cannot live with life. So sorrow is it awakens our longing and our feelings. And then when we put that together with our thinking and our choosing, our whole inner man has a buoyancy to worship god or to do what's right. Alright.
Speaker 1:There's a lot on that answer. Sorry. Alright.
Speaker 2:What do you have any advice on practicing rejoicing? You know? Because, like, you know, when you hear something funny, you laugh. It's just, it just reflects it. But I think so often for me, you know, even good things, I have a tough time, you know, rejoicing that or and genuinely praising that as the Psalms say, you know, like, think about, you know, giving praise to god, not just acknowledging those gifts and that joy.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Question being, if you struggle some with celebrating joy, how do you move towards that and it's not manufactured? How do I practice it at? How do I get better at that?
Speaker 1:Is that Let me say this. First of all, don't assume it's going to be authentic any time quick. Be willing to stumble into it and practice at it. And tell yourself, if you really struggle with that, 5 years from now, I hope I'm able to get lost and enjoy a little bit more. I would say this.
Speaker 1:My There's probably a 1000000 different ways to answer this. But I would say community is probably the thing that will help you the most. I'll tell you stories to enter into that. Okay? This is I'm a sophomore in high school.
Speaker 1:And you can see so you can I'll tell you 2 different stories and you'll see that I've had problems with joy my whole life as well. But anyway, I'm a sophomore in high school. It's a school night. And I see my friends pull up in the car and they get out of their car, and they're walking to my house, and I see them nervously chatting amongst themselves. And I realize in hindsight, they're kind of thinking, I wonder if Gordon will go out.
Speaker 1:It's a school night. Alright? So they come to the door, and it's Halloween, and there's a party, and they wanna go to the party. And they ask me to come. And really, what I say to them, I can't Like, I didn't say it this way, but if I was to use the actual language of what I actually said, I couldn't say it right now.
Speaker 1:Okay? But I was kind of like, what the heck are you guys doing here? You know I don't go anywhere on a school night. I'm going somewhere. Go freaking have some fun at your party and let me work.
Speaker 1:Okay? Now, what those friends should have done was said, you are so freaking full of yourself, you jerk. Alright. We're gonna give you 2 options. You can get in that car, and we're gonna throw you in the side of the party, and you can sit there and moan all night.
Speaker 1:And we're gonna keep doing that for all of high school until you learn how to enjoy yourself. Or, we're gonna tie you up and throw you in the car and then throw you in the side of the house tied up. Alright? But I needed friends who fought with me better. Different story.
Speaker 1:This is 30 years after that. We're moving from Colorado to Alabama. And my best friend in Colorado, who's probably had more impact on me than anyone Like back then, when I would call him on the when he would call me on the phone and I would answer the phone, he'd be like, Gord, relax. You're not that important. Alright.
Speaker 1:He knew how uptight and, you know. So we're moving. And I have all my boxes numbered. A kitchen box, a bathroom box, a bedroom box. And my beautiful friend, Bruce, takes the kitchen box, and he does put something from the kitchen in the box.
Speaker 1:But then he goes to the bedroom, and the den, and the TV room, and he puts stuff all over from all over the house into that box. He has been my best friend because he doesn't take me seriously. And he messes with my great desire for control, which is the very thing that keeps me from enjoying life. So I would say, you need to beg for help. Alright?
Speaker 1:And then you simply need to practice at it and realize Let me say 2 things. I Like, I'm okay at joy. I am. I'm not great. My wife is much better.
Speaker 1:And I've come to accept some of that. I think God has given me gifts. I'm weighty, I'm sober, and I'm deep. That's really beautiful. And it serves me well in counseling.
Speaker 1:Doesn't make me all the time the best husband or father. Although, I've relaxed through the years. Alright? Just, like So what I'm saying is you have to come to terms with there's good and bad to that. You try to aim and change and let people help you as much as you can.
Speaker 1:And then you also celebrate your gifts. And and we can enter into such a rich humility in life. This is a couple, I don't know, 8 or 9 years ago, 7 years ago. And Billy Joel came to town and my wife was like Saw that in the papers, like, wow, I'd love to go see Billy Joel. That's probably beyond your years.
Speaker 1:But, anyway, if you guys wouldn't want to see him. Anyway, I think she would love to go to that concert when her birthday's coming up. I'm going to get 2 tickets. But since I'm not really concert fun, I'm not going to go with her. And I'm going to encourage her to go with her best friend, so that she really can just relax and have fun.
Speaker 1:Now, if it was dinner to a romantic restaurant, I would have went. I can do that. Alright? It may be hard for you at some at your age to accept the humility in that, but there's times where I let my wife enjoy life, and sometimes she enjoys it a little bit more when I'm not there. Now, she has a deep connected joy when we're together as a family that transcends all that other stuff.
Speaker 1:It doesn't take away from that. But just as a way to picture it, don't try to become somebody you're not. Practice to grow into more and be redeemed of more of who you can be. But don't forget your gifts, celebrate them, and know that we're we're good and bad as people. We're falling.
Speaker 1:I'm human. I can't do all things. Some things I do well. Other things I don't. So Can I have a follow-up?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But rejoicing in in God, not feeling entitled to the gifts that God has given
Speaker 1:us. Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:So, like, yeah, acknowledging, like, having fun friends or whatever. That's Mhmm. You know, that makes sense because they're right there. Mhmm. But when you we get the bigger picture of it, you know, I guess it goes back to what you're saying before every good gift.
Speaker 1:Yeah. It's a gift.
Speaker 2:It's what it is. But,
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. With our view of god, how do we get rid of our entitlement? And getting rid of that entitlement certainly would open us up to receive joy more profusely. Right?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say the same thing I said, but I'll I'll just say it a little bit different. I just think you have to have to realize we're committed to ourselves. We're committed to idolizing ourselves or idolizing other things. And only what you're what Joel's teaching you week in week out is doing repentance. That's the only way your entitlement will change.
Speaker 1:But I'm gonna add what I said about community this way. I think the way we can be convicted of sin, the scriptures really talk about 3 ways. The Holy Spirit, the word of God, I think both read, preached, taught, and then community. Don't forsake the assembling together, lest you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. What I have found in my experience is we tend to make the word of god and the holy spirit say what we want it to say.
Speaker 1:But if we give friends permission, they'll be a little bit freer. Alright? That same friend, I am, I have a Master's of Arts in Biblical Counseling, and I've worked with adolescents as a counselor for 2 years. And I wanna get into ministry. So what kind of position do you apply for if you have a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling and you've worked with youth for 2 years?
Speaker 1:Youth pastor. Right? That's what I thought. So I'm applying for youth pastor positions, sending out resumes, blah blah blah. My good friend, Bruce, calls me on the phone.
Speaker 1:He says, what have you been doing today? I said, I've been sending out resumes. He knew I was looking for
Speaker 2:work. He said, where? And I told him. He said, read to me those jobs,
Speaker 1:and I read them to him. He says, okay. On your best day, you would be the worst youth pastor in America. And he began to light into me, and he had anger for me. And he said Gordon, you are so controlling.
Speaker 1:You have such little faith. He got off the phone and I said this. He's right, and I will not send out another youth pastor resume. And I got And, well, he also said this, after he said that, he said this, If you were preaching next week, I'd be there. He just said, believe in the gifts God has given you.
Speaker 1:And I think because of that moment, I agreed with what he said and my countenance was lifted, and an assistant pastor position came into my periphery. I applied for it and that's what brought me to Birmingham. So, our entitlement is only done by the grace of the gospel. We have to be offended by the kindness of the gospel, day in and day out and day in and day out. And we are only offended by that through the Holy Spirit convicting us, the Word, enlivening us, and friends.
Speaker 1:But I think we need more good love from community to help us see our sense of entitlement. Because it'll come across in the way you live and speak, and if you give those friends some freedom to just help you see that, I think repentance will pick up and will happen a little bit quicker, and the entitlement will shift away, more and more, over time. I'm still significantly entitled, even at 48. It goes away really slowly. So, alright.
Speaker 1:Anybody else? Yeah. Alright. The question is, someone who's been through a significant level of suffering tragedy, where they're so shut down they're just really closed. And are there some other ways we can help them?
Speaker 1:I'll just say this. I really think The first thing I would say is this. What we tend to do as a church is that type of person tends to unnerve us. I worked the the 2 years I worked with adolescents, I worked at a residential treatment center where adolescents were referred because they had either had trouble with the law, or had been abused, or were abusing others. And I worked with an adolescent who experienced sexual abuse from the day he was born until he was 14 and removed from the home.
Speaker 1:And his heart was so hardened, like, I really had to wrestle with God, and I thought, how could this dude ever hear the gospel? And I think he needed 20 years of kindness before he would soften and really hear the gospel. In general, don't And I think as a church, we want too many quick results, and we want quick fixes. The first thing I would say is, is a person like that? And what will happen is the more fleshly you are, if if evil has intruded into your life early and often, and your self protection, you're very fleshly, what you will do is push people away and you don't realize you're doing it.
Speaker 1:Alright? And you have to have the fortitude to dodge the way they assault you, or don't do what you want, and have a level of patience where you can be with them for a long time before they soften. And then I would say the gospel really comes in grace and truth. One of the other things we do with people are like that. When we see someone who suffered so much, we don't ever want to have asked more than them, and we don't ever speak truth into their life.
Speaker 1:We often haven't walked with them long enough where we have some permission to speak truth, but then when we need to speak truth, we fail to do it. I gave you an example of my friend, Bruce, speaking truth into my life. I think the gospel should move us in 2 radical directions, a deeper mercy and a stronger strength. I don't think we weep well with each other. I don't think we fight well with each other.
Speaker 1:And so, I think there's a way in in wisdom to be with a person like that where you wait with them. And then there's a way where you begin to see some of their cracks and you can speak kindness into that, but you can also speak truth that helps awaken them. A hardened heart and a darkened mind needs some truth spoken into them that will wound them, but help them awaken to what's more. I don't know if that, you know Again, I just think our great failure is we won't wait with people long enough in some ways. Anybody else?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright. Let me let me I gotta say it back because I don't know if I heard it right. One spouse is pretty caught up in some sinfulness and wounds the other spouse but they're dealing with it. They're working on it. How do you help them with that?
Speaker 1:How do you
Connor Coskery:We do that because how would the spouse have been charged? That caused the pain. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You know, this is a thing that would probably have to be fleshed out more with the nuances of it and the things that's going on. Because I fundamentally don't believe that any spouse is that much worse than the other spouse. And so I would say this, in general, pathology attracts pathology. You tend to marry someone like you even though they look really different than you.
Speaker 1:I'll give you a simple example of my own marriage. Alright? I was hyper responsible, as I've talked a little bit about in a very rigid way. My wife's favorite song before we got married was Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. She seemed significantly irresponsible.
Speaker 1:I looked out of my self righteousness like the better person, but neither of us were really that good. And we spent a lifetime figuring that out and becoming kinder to one another. Okay? So, in general, I think Now, this is in general. There's always exceptions.
Speaker 1:Pathology attracts pathology. And, oftentimes, someone who seems like the water center, as they really begin to change and soften, something happens where this other person realizes they're a lot worse off than they were. That often happens. Okay? Now, in a case where there's an exception, where it's outside the general rule, how would I encourage that other spouse?
Speaker 1:I I think this, I would just encourage them, like Jesus, for the joy set before you, you endure the shame, the suffering, the difficulty, and you really have to have a future focus, a sense. And I really think God can minister to you in your heart this, that there will be a different day where that person will not be that same person, and that will be a deep day of connected joy where we have suffered together for that moment. And in that moment, I will hear God saying, well done. And that's what I'm suffering for. So.
Speaker 1:Have more love, joy, peace, patience, and self control. And then we also experience outer redemption. I am much wiser. I order my life a lot better now than I did 30 years ago. So inside I've changed, and outside I order things better.
Speaker 1:So my life is a lot more beautiful. There's a lot more sense of the kingdom in my space. It's still broken. It's still fallen. But my experience of God's beauty is much richer.
Speaker 1:Because of the inner redemption and the outer redemption or sanctification and wisdom. That's inner redemption is sanctification. Outer redemption is wisdom. Alright.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Perfectly. Yeah. I'll say it this way. One way we can deal with tragedy is to be self protective, closed down.
Speaker 1:Another way we can deal with tragedy is to be self absorbed and make it all about us. Yeah. And that person will keep experiencing tragedy and one day realize it's not all about them, because they're in a fallen world. I mean, simply, time will do that. I just I'll answer it this way.
Speaker 1:If the way you have to love that type of person, a self absorbed person, is the way you would love anybody with a measure of grace and truth, mercy and strength. And then you just have to begin to get some wisdom in their story and learn how to be subversive in the way you relate to them. So, again and I'll just say this. In to in general, it should always be 3 steps, kindness, 1 step, truth. And so there's some kindness, and then you say something in a winsome way to help them realize that they're self absorbed.
Speaker 1:And they bristle, and maybe they shoot back at you. And the first time they shoot back at you, you say, wow. I just I hate that that's impacting you that way. And maybe you don't go any further. And then the next time, you go a little bit further.
Speaker 1:But the goal in relationship with them, same way with the person that shut down, is to help them see their self absorption. And, also, you're praying for that person. You know, you're believing god to do things you can't see. But they're they're we deal because, in general, there's 2 large types of people, a person will go towards self protection or self absorption in the midst of tragedy. And we have both people in the world.
Speaker 1:Neither neither way is better. So, I mean, I like, even, like, my wife and I, I was so self righteous because I was so disciplined and attentive. And, like, in many ways, my wife was such a richer believer because she understood grace so much better than me. And her freedom just unnerved me and unnerves me still today. And there's really a richness to her faith that mocks some of my control even though I would look like the more spiritual one at times.
Speaker 1:I'm really not. And not that you can even measure who's more spiritual, but anyway. Alright. Anybody else? Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think that's plenty.