09 Guns Up!

In "Guns Up!", the starship USS Eleanor Roosevelt, commanded by Captain Chyvonne Quint, is on a mission of peace and justice. The all-female crew, who believe that "if you want to get something done, and done right...GET A WOMAN!!!", are en-route to a fleet assembly point.

The Navigator, Mini, discovers a slave transport ship off their planned course. She reveals to Captain Quint that her sister was taken by slavers during the Dry Sack Rebellion and might be on board the ship5. Despite the deviation, Captain Quint changes course to investigate.

The crew of the USS Eleanor Roosevelt boards the slaver ship, led by Sergeant Metzinger. They quickly seize the ship, free the captives, and impound the crew and captain. Captain Quint questions the slaver ship's commander, a man named Cody, who explains that the women are being sold as slaves by the government of Terra Firma as a form of "rehabilitation" to make a profit. He sees the women as nothing more than cargo, like "grain, guns, [and] girls". The women, who are forced to wear identical hot-pink dresses and have their heads shaved, are "crew-graded" on a scale of one to ten, and their numbers are painted on their bellies.

After rescuing the women, Captain Quint leaves Cody and his crew behind, believing that they cannot fix a "bad system" but can save a few people. The Navigator's sister, Maxi, is found among the freed captives. It is revealed that she lied about being part of the Dry Sack Rebellion and was actually arrested in Terra Firma. The USS Eleanor Roosevelt then resumes its original course at top speed to make up for the lost time. Captain Quint puts the Navigator in charge of the freed women and contacts Commander Cody via radio, warning him to cooperate with the Fleet's investigation to avoid her personal intervention!

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INT. STARSHIP - SPACE TIME, WORKING HOURS
The gunboat cruiser USS Eleanor Roosevelt on patrol in the galaxy.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(at the bridge)
Engine Room, report please.
ENGINEER
Captain, this is the engine room. All systems are operational. We are on cruising attitude, with maintenance up to date.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Roger that, engineer. Very good.
Navigator, requesting report.
NAVIGATOR
10-4 Captain. Navigator reporting. We are ten parsecs from our next waypoint. Fleet directive is to assemble at the Bogosian Rim. We should arrive at the Bogosian system in ten hours, on course. Sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good, navigator. Out.
Weapons Conn, what have you got for me? Report please.
WEAPONS OFFICER
Captain, this is Weapons Conn. All systems green-light. We have full power on photon torpedoes, phasor injectors and neutron payloads. We are ready, when it absolutely, positively must be destroyed overnight.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(chuckles)
Roger that Weapons Conn.

Gentlewomen of the USS E. Roosevelt, we are on a mission of peace. We proceed through the galaxy, extending a loving hand and a tender touch. We bring peace and prosperity to the wretched, the suffering and the wicked. And as needed we bring down the rod of punishment and correction, to the evil-doers and the malefactors. We are the hands of justice. We are the bringers of mercy and peace. But to the wicked and to the damned, we are the whip of righteousness, the bringer of stern condemnation and cruel punishment.
Ladies, we cruise the galaxy, in our gleaming ship of titanium alloy, bristling with the fire of vengeance. We are mobile. We are female. And we are HOSTILE!
ALL
(On radios)
Hoo Rah! Hoo RAH!
CAPTAIN QUINT
Ladies, let us proceed. Take care of your business. Take care of your station. Because if you want to get something done, and done right...
ALL
(On radios)
GET A WOMAN!!!
CAPTAIN QUINT
That�s right. Get a woman on the job and get it done right. Now stay on your jobs and we will cruise our way to the assembly point with the fleet. Captain, out!
Captain Chyvonne Quint, of the gunship cruiser of USS Space Force Eleanor Roosevelt, heads down the hallway from the bridge to her cabin.
NAVIGATOR
(over the radio/intercom)
Captain, this is navigator Tyrone.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Go ahead Navigator.
NAVIGATOR
Captain, requesting permission to speak frankly, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(entering cabin, door closes)
What�s on your mind, Mini.
NAVIGATOR
Captain, between here and the fleet assembly point, there is a junction, a kind of meeting point.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Go ahead.
NAVIGATOR
Captain, it is a pirate�s cove.
CAPTAIN QUINT
I�m not sure I take your meaning, Navigator.
NAVIGATOR
Captain, there is a bit of personal business that I...
CAPTAIN QUINT
Mini?
NAVIGATOR
Sir, my sister was taken by slavers in the Dry Sack Rebellion. She was working for the mining company. The pirates came, took control of the mine and sent the workers as slaves to the market at Conroy�s Junction, the pirate�s cove. It�s a little off our route but close enough.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(skeptical)
Close enough for what, Navigator?
NAVIGATOR
Captain, if we could just stop in, maybe I could see my sister.
CAPTAIN QUINT
What is the divergence, in time and distance?
NAVIGATOR
A swing by will add no more than one hour to our meeting time. Sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(long pause)
Mini? How old is your sister? Old enough to look out for herself?
NAVIGATOR
She is twenty-three, Captain. Is that old enough?
CAPTAIN QUINT
Hmm. Navigator, set a course and let me know when we get there. What is the time of arrival?
NAVIGATOR
Three hours, Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good. Make it so.
NAVIGATOR
Yes, sir. Thank you, Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Captain out.
(switches off radio)
The Captain lies down on her bed and is quickly asleep.
INT. BRIDGE - SAME
NAVIGATOR
Woman on the watch, course correction.
PILOT
Roger that, Navigator. Go ahead.
NAVIGATOR
Pilot, track us with an approach to Conroy�s Junction. We approach normally, then slow and steady as we come in.
PILOT
10-4 Navigator. Setting course for Conroy�s Junction.
BRIDGE - LATER
PILOT
Navigator, this is the approach to Conroy�s Junction. We are near but not yet in range.
NAVIGATOR
Roger that, Pilot. Alert the Captain, please.
PILOT
Yes, ma�am.

(on radio)
Captain Quint, we are on our approach to the Conroy Junction, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(over the radio)
Very good, Pilot. Thank you. I will ascend to the bridge directly.
Captain Quint, refreshed from her nap, emerges from her cabin and makes her way to the bridge.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Captain on the bridge. I have the conn.
ALL
Aye-Aye, Captain!
CAPTAIN QUINT
Weapons Officer, report please.
WEAPONS OFFICER
(on radio)
All green, all go, sir. Let�s get �em!
CAPTAIN QUINT
Roger that, gunny.
Engine room, report.
ENGINEER
(on radio)
Captain, full speed, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(on radio)
10-4 Diesel.
Navigator, report please.
NAVIGATOR
(on bridge)
Sir, approaching at full speed. Request permission to approach with some restraint.... sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Make it so, Pilot.
PILOT
Yes, sir.
Pilot adjusts speed to make the approach more stealthy.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Radar, talk to me.
RADAR OPERATOR
Captain, there are several ships. One has the signature of the Fleet, others are commercial haulers, but I am picking up strange traffic from...
CAPTAIN QUINT
Radar?
RADAR OPERATOR
It is a funny thing. They appear to be one thing, but seem to be another.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Pilot, pull us along side that ship.
PILOT
Aye aye, sir.
NAVIGATOR
Sir, it is not clear what we will encounter.
CAPTAIN QUINT
No, indeed, Navigator. No indeed.
(into the radio)
Send Sargeant Metzinger to the bridge please.
WEAPONS OFFICER
Right away, Captain.
Sargeant Metzinger makes her way from the weapons room to the bridge.
SARGEANT METZINGER
(emerges onto the bridge)
Captain. Reporting, Ma�am.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Sargeant, this appears to be a boarding operation. We have reason to believe there is a slaver ship in a convoy here. I need you to take the ship and free the slaves. Is that within what you can achieve?
SARGEANT METZINGER
Captain, my girls have sharp daggers, fire in their bellies and a taste for slaver-blood. Let �em give us their worst, and we�ll repay with pinning their tongues, to the decking.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good, Sargeant. You will need all the will, all the courage and all the determination when you see the depravity of these soulless monsters. They must suffer for their sins.
SARGEANT METZINGER
We are the demons of vengeance, Captain. Send us, and then look away. Do not witness our wrath, for we will not ask forgiveness.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Be true to your word. Now assemble and prepare to board.
SARGEANT METZINGER
Aye-aye, sir!
(away to the transporter room)
CAPTAIN QUINT
Pilot, is this the ship?
PILOT
Yes, sir. We are alongside.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(into radio)
Transporter, ready the boarding party.
Gunny, prepare the photon torpedoes.
WEAPONS OFFICER
Ready the photon torpedoes, 10-4.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Away the landing party!
The Sargeant and marines are transported to the slaver ship. There is a great struggle. The Sargeant and landing party overwhelm the slaver crew. They free the slaves and capture the crew.
SARGEANT METZINGER
(on radio)
Captain, Sergeant Metzinger reporting. Slave ship seized. Captives are freed. Crew and captain are impounded.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(over radio)
Very good, Sargeant. Extra ration of rum for all tonight. Well done!
NAVIGATOR
Captain, requesting permission to go aboard.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Negative, Navigator. The medical officer will examine the captives and the Sargeant will take down the details. If a particular person is identified, you will be notified.
NAVIGATOR
But Captain, it is my sister. She was made a slave.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Negative, Navigator.
NAVIGATOR
Yes, ma�am.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Set a course for our assembly point. Pilot, hold us here, but set the plot.
PILOT
Yes, ma�am.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Radar, you have the conn. Hold us here. I�m going over.
RADAR OPERATOR
Yes, sir.
Captain goes to the transporter room and beams across to the slave ship.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(beaming aboard)
Sargeant?! Sargeant?
SARGEANT METZINGER
Captain, here!
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good, Sargeant. What�s the situation?
SARGEANT METZINGER
We have the captain of the ship here, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good. Bring the captain to me.
The captain of the slave ship is presented to the Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
So, you are the commander of this ship?
COMMANDER CODY
I was.
CAPTAIN QUINT
And how do you explain yourself?
COMMANDER CODY
Meaning what? Hauling cargo?
CAPTAIN QUINT
Slaves, sir.
COMMANDER CODY
It�s all cargo to me. Grain, guns, girls, it�s all just cargo.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Do you not see them as people, as individuals?
COMMANDER CODY
Do you see cows as individuals? The women are to be penned and sold, just like the horses, cows and sheep. I pick them up. I drop them off. I don�t buy or sell. Not my business.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Not your business. Not your business.
(to Sargeant)
Sargeant, phasers on stun?
SARGEANT METZINGER
Sir, yes, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Shoot him.
SARGEANT METZINGER
Sir?
CAPTAIN QUINT
Shoot him.
SARGEANT METZINGER
Sir?!
CAPTAIN QUINT
Shoot him!
Sargeant shoots the slaver captain, who doubles over and collapses on the floor.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good, Sargeant. Thank you.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(on radio)
Captain to bridge, send Navigator over.
PILOT
Right away, captain.
The Navigator transports over. She appears before the Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Navigator, I want you to examine the controls. See if you can point this tin can to the Fleet Assembly Point. Got it?
NAVIGATOR
Of course, sir. Right away.
Navigator exits to the control room/bridge.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(to Sargeant)
Sargeant, get him up and bring him along. Follow me.
SARGEANT METZINGER
Ma�am.
INT - CARGO AREA
Captain heads down to the cargo area where the captives have been freed/held. She looks around at the stunned and shattered women of the group.
The women are in identical hot-pink stretchy dresses, like tight t-shirts that extend to the knees. The garish pink dresses hang loose on the thin ones and stretch tight on heavier ones. All the women have had their hair cut to two-inch lengths, no ponytails or bangs.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Women. Look at me. Here. Now!
I am Captain Quint of the USS Eleanor Roosevelt, galaxy gunship cruiser. We have taken on this humanitarian mission to rescue you. But what should we do with you? Where do you want to go? Should we beam you back to your planet?
COMMANDER CODY
I would not recommend that, Captain. They will only be re-packaged and re-sold.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Explain yourself.
COMMANDER CODY
Ma�am, these women are being sold by the government of Terra Firma. If you send them back, they will just be recycled.
CAPTAIN QUINT
The government sells them?
COMMANDER CODY
Look, Captain. I just pick them up. We go to the Department of Rehabilitation on Terra Firma and then deliver them to the planet David P. York. Then the Yorkians handle them.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Ah, yes. Yorkians, bankers to the stars.
COMMANDER CODY
On Terra Firma, when a person gets arrested, the Department of Rehabilitation handles things. If they are found guilty, and they are always found guilty, instead of paying to house-and-feed the prisoners, they are sold as slaves, to make a profit for the Department. The Yorkians use them as house servants mostly, the good ones anyway.
CAPTAIN QUINT
What crimes are so heinous and terrible that these women are ripped from their families?
COMMANDER CODY
Eh, you know. Drug crimes, shoplifting, assault. Usually a bad boyfriend is involved, and she�s holding his stash or a gun. But if the Department is short on the quota, they will use traffic stops, lane violations, no blinker, run a stop sign. Then, whoosh!, they are on their way to life as a slave on York.
CAPTAIN QUINT
I don�t see any men. What happens to them?
COMMANDER CODY
Oh well, they are more valuable as workers for the Department. Prison labor. Lifetime.
CAPTAIN QUINT
What a mess.
COMMANDER CODY
These ones here, we crew-grade them and post them on e-Bay. They are usually all sold by the time we arrive.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Crew-grade?
COMMANDER CODY
(to one of the slaves)
You. Show them your number.

The slave woman rolls up her dress, showing a number �6� painted on her belly.
COMMANDER CODY
(waves at her)
Alright, that�s enough. We�ve seen enough.
CAPTAIN QUINT
What is that?
COMMANDER CODY
As part of our service we have the crew grade each of the slaves, one to ten, then mark them. That way a buyer sees the crew�s honest evaluation, not just the manifest from the seller.
CAPTAIN QUINT
You grade them, just like that?
COMMANDER CODY
The crew does, so there is no conflict of interest. We want them all sold and it helps the buyer.

Usually it is lots of fives, sixes and sevens. Pretty average. Now a two, that means she�s pregnant. And there is never a ten. If she was a ten, she wouldn�t be here.
CAPTAIN QUINT
What�s a one?

COMMANDER CODY
Defective. Maybe handicapped. Maybe psychotic. It�s not often, but they don�t sell and we take them to Rehab�s office on York. If they can�t fix them, then they are put down. We haul out the returns and dump them in space. I don�t like to do it but it comes with the job.
CAPTAIN QUINT
So what am I supposed to do with them if they can�t go home?
COMMANDER CODY
They are slaves. Use them yourself. They cook, clean, whatever you want. What-ever you want. I just want my ship back.
CAPTAIN QUINT
A slaver doesn�t get the ship back.
COMMANDER CODY
Look, you show up out of nowhere, beam aboard my ship with guns blazing. You�re the pirates, not me.
CAPTAIN QUINT
You are hauling slaves.
COMMANDER CODY
I was hired by the government of Terra Firma to transport, market and deliver this cargo. That is not illegal. Now get off my ship.
CAPTAIN QUINT
But it is immoral.
COMMANDER CODY
Tell it to the Department. OK, you want to impound the cargo? Fine. Just get off my ship and leave me alone.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(to Sargeant)
Sargeant, take this man to his room and keep him there.
SARGEANT METZINGER
Yes, ma�am.
(to Cody)
Let�s go.
They exit.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(looking at the bedraggled group of slaves)
A hot mess.
(into radio)
Navigator, can you come down here?
NAVIGATOR
(over radio)
Right away, sir.
Navigator appears through a door. She sees the Captain and the group of women in identical pink dresses. She spots her sister.
NAVIGATOR
(to her sister)
Maxi! Maxi, it�s you. You are safe.
MAXI
(stunned and silent)
CAPTAIN QUINT
Navigator, is this your sister?
NAVIGATOR
Yes, Captain. My sister Maxi.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Alright. Beam her and the others aboard our ship. You go with them. Take them to the medical officer.
NAVIGATOR
Yes, Captain.
(into the radio)
Roosevelt transport. Prepare to beam aboard myself and twenty four freed captives. Beam when ready.
The navigator and the twenty-four women disappear, beamed onto the USS Eleanor Roosevelt.
CAPTAIN QUINT
(into radio)
Sargeant, assemble your squad and meet me on the bridge.
SARGEANT METZINGER
(in radio)
On the way, Captain.
INT - BRIDGE OF THE TRANSPORT SHIP
Captain Quint examines the controls. The Sargeant and her team of Marines assemble in formation.
CAPTAIN QUINT
All accounted for, Sargeant?
SARGEANT METZINGER
Yes, Captain. No injuries or loss of life.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good. Prepare to beam aboard
(into radio)
Transport, this is the Captain. Beam aboard myself, the Sargeant and her Marines.
SARGEANT METZINGER
Captain? Abandon the ship? These men will just go back to transporting slaves.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Sargeant, we can�t fix a bad system. We got what we came for. Maybe we can save these few. That�s all.
(into radio)
Transport, bring us home.
The group disappears and is transported back onto their ship.
INT - THE BRIDGE OF THE USS ELEANOR ROOSEVELT - LATER
CAPTAIN QUINT
Pilot, the course for the Fleet rendezvous point is set?
PILOT
Yes, Captain. Ready to go.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Make it so. Top speed. We have some time to make up.
(to Navigator)
Mini, your sister OK?
NAVIGATOR
They haven�t eaten in three days. They have been sleeping on top of each other. It will take a while for them to recover from the shock.
CAPTAIN QUINT
It�s a grim system. How did your sister end up with them? You said she was in the Dry Sack Rebellion.
NAVIGATOR
She, well ma�am, she lied about that part. She�d gone to Terra Firma to see an old boyfriend. She stayed a while but he got into some trouble and she got dragged into it.
CAPTAIN QUINT
There is always a man involved.
NAVIGATOR
Yes, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Mini, I want to put you in charge of the group. When we meet up with the Fleet, we can transfer them to an administrative ship. Let them sort this out. I want you to escort them and make sure all are accounted for. I�m afraid that means your sister too.
NAVIGATOR
Yes, Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Now go spend some time with your sister. Help her get well.
NAVIGATOR
Aye-aye, Ma�am.
(exits)
CAPTAIN QUINT
(over ship-to-ship radio)
Commander Cody, this is Captain Quint of the Roosevelt. Come in.
COMMANDER CODY
(over radio)
Captain Quint. Cody here. Go ahead.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Commander Cody, we are away, and, as you see, we have taken the captives but have left your ship and your men. I don�t expect you to mend your ways but I would like your testimony to be added to the Fleet record of this event. Can I count on your co-operation?
COMMANDER CODY
Respectfully, Captain, I would like to stay as far away from the Fleet as I can. And I don�t want to anger my customers, the Department on T-F, or the buyers on David P. York.
CAPTAIN QUINT
I understand, Commander. But this would only be by radio transmission. However if I have to come and get you, I can and I will. Do I make myself clear?
COMMANDER CODY
Certainly, sir. I will report truthfully, if that is what you want.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Thank you, Commander. We will be back in touch when we meet up with the Fleet. Captain, out.
(ends the radio transmission)
Engine room, report please.
ENGINEER
All good, all green, Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good.
Gunny, your status?
WEAPONS OFFICER
All weapons ready and safe for cruising, Captain.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Thank you, Gunny.
Pilot, course correct?
PILOT
Going right at �em, sir.
CAPTAIN QUINT
Very good. Full speed ahead.
END.