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"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.
Ep73
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Welcome and Meet Jen
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[00:00:00]
Audra Dinell: [00:01:00] Welcome back to A Lot with Audra. Today's conversation is with Jen Christian. Jen has such an unique way of looking at celebration that is intentional and meaningful and so much fun. So I brought Jen on as a guest today because if you are planning some sort of celebration in your life, this is such a cool way to look at it.
I know our conversation is going to spark ideas for you, and bonus, Jen shares a template at the end of this episode that you're gonna wanna take home.
Okay. Welcome, Jen, to the podcast. Thank
Jen Christian: you so much for having me.
Why Turning 40 Matters
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Audra Dinell: Okay, so we are dear friends and have both been obsessed with turning 40. So I wanna know, in your words, why the obsession?
Jen Christian: My obsession started about two years ago. I was coming out [00:02:00] of a postpartum funk that- Mm
I'll finally admit that I was in- Mm ... today. I'll admit that. So for me, I had my daughter during COVID. Mm. And then I had my son two years after that. And so when the dark clouds started to part about two, when he was two, two years ago I just wanted to find Jen again.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Jen Christian: I wanted to find the parts of me that I lost in that season of life, or parts of life I loved that sort of lost its luster- Mm ... during that season of life. And so for me, it was really about taking a step back and psychoanalyzing every sort of facet of my life. What were my morals? What were my values?
What were my personal and professional goals? Mm-hmm. What was my style? How was I gonna show up? And most importantly, who were my people? Mm-hmm. Who were truly gonna carry me through this next decade of life? And so that is where the obsession started was [00:03:00] in this moment of, like, trying to find me again after a semi-dark season or weird season of life, and that's where it started.
Reclaiming Identity After Motherhood
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Audra Dinell: And I think that's so relatable because motherhood especially, I mean, it's a whole different season than we had ever been in before. I had kids starting in my, I think my oldest was born when I was 30, so we both started having kids, had our kids in our 30s, and it's like you have a whole life. You have three decades, right, before you become a mother, and it's just so, like, paradigm-shifting to become a mom, and rocks your world in so many ways and changes you and adds to you and takes away.
I have just never been through anything quite as, monumental as becoming a parent. So I just think that's so relatable that you were like, "Okay. I've just been through this season. I'm starting to see out of it, and [00:04:00] I want to figure out who I am. I wanna get back to me, and I want to..."
Jen Christian: How am I gonna show up for my kids?
How am I gonna show up for myself? How am I gonna be a working mom? How am I gonna show up at home and show up at the office? And I always admire the people that can compartmentalize their life so beautifully. I know we have a mutual friend that she's basically like- This is who she is as a mom, and this is who she is in the office.
And you wouldn't know either way. She just does a beautiful job just kind of balancing it all. So I do think the complexity of that season of life was just, like, a little eye-opening to be the, like, I really need to figure this all out. I really need to go back to the roots and the core, and who is Jen, and how is she gonna be, and who is she gonna be, and why is she gonna be-
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm
Jen Christian: and have reasoning and meaning behind all of it.
Audra Dinell: And I just think 40 or any other big, like, milestone is just such a great opportunity to be like, "Okay, I'm turning 40. Here's what I'm gonna do."
Jen Christian: It [00:05:00] definitely was for me in that moment, like, okay, I think I'm okay. L- let's make this happen by 40. Let's really just spend the next few months to years just analyzing all of these different parts to really hone in on what mattered most to me.
Audra Dinell: So where did you start when you decided, "Okay, this is what I'm gonna focus on for the next few years of my life"? Where did you start?
Jen Christian: It just kind of honestly was an organic happening. I didn't pick one thing. I just sort of pulled back altogether and just took a look at the bigger picture and just really thought of, like, who am I in this space? Mm-hmm. Who am I in that space? Or what am I valuing? Mm-hmm. 'Cause when you become a mom, and then you're a working mom, your values shift a little bit. Mm-hmm. And the values you once had may not be the exact same.
So what did that look like? So there wasn't one facet of that journey that started the whole thing. It was just an overall movement to just [00:06:00] want to be a better person and to be a more authentic person- Mm-hmm ... and to really just focus in on the true things that I was valuing in that moment a few years ago.
Audra Dinell: I think it's cool, too, that our kids becoming m- mothers, they can inspire us to do that, right? They can inspire us to really wanna show up with intention so that, you know, when they think back or when they question or when we come up against something, you know, we'll have strong reasoning behind it, or we'll, you know, be moving through their lives and their days in a way that we hope to be remembered.
It's not perfect, but it, like, is inspiring us to do so. Yeah,
Jen Christian: just to be a overall better person.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Okay.
Pulling Back and Finding Your People
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Audra Dinell: So Jen, when you say it happened organically, but you just sort of pulled back and looked at the bigger picture, what did that actually look like for you?
Did you shrink your circle? Did you shrink your commitments? [00:07:00] Did you do more journaling? I mean, like, what did it look like
Jen Christian: To- To actually like pull back and look?
To actually pull back and looked, I shrunk my circle a little bit. I removed myself from situations, and I really just spent a little bit more time in deeper reflection to figure out what it was I was seeking or what it is I was looking for, whether that was, what are my goals?
Just actually pausing a little bit to actually think about it versus just assuming or living under someone else's expectation of you. So that's where that whole thing really happened. I think the most important thing for me, though, was really focusing on who my people were, like, who was really truly gonna show up for me.
Mm-hmm. And who was gonna be by my side and support me in my personal world, being a mom, in the office. Who was truly gonna carry me through this next decade and beyond? And I think [00:08:00] that was the most important part of what I was seeking, was who was really truly gonna show up for me.
Audra Dinell: Hmm. And I love that because I know at one point you and I both came to the spot where we're, we're like, we're feeling lonely.
Like, we have lots of people in our world, and they're wonderful people, and why are we feeling, like, lonely? And I think it's just especially in this decade of 40s, when we are stretched no matter what. You've got your career, you've got your kids, perhaps parents are aging. Just responsibilities are, are maxed out compared to other seasons of life.
We're stretched, and our people really, really matter, and loneliness is a thing that many people experience. And so I just love that that was like the number one thing that you were thinking is, "I need my people. Who are my people in this next season?"
Jen Christian: And who are my people in line with who I was trying to become?
Who are my [00:09:00] people, who are my true friends in moments of, I need to show up and be a great mom. I need to show up and be a great coworker. I need to show up and be a really great employee. Who are those people that can understand and adapt to all the versions of Jen?
Mm-hmm. Have full transparency in that whole life circle, that it's not always perfect. It never will be perfect, but I really just needed the cheerleaders in my life, especially after the whole COVID season. It just happened to be in line with when I decided to start a family, that it was all just kind of weird and dark at times.
So coming out of it, it's like, I miss Jen. Mm. I miss who I was as a person before that, before all of that change happened. And for me, it was just what I needed to do to be okay moving forward.
The 40 Things for 40 Idea
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Audra Dinell: So how did that set you up for the [00:10:00] way you celebrated? Let's transition into that conversation, because this is why I wanted to have you on the podcast, is I was like, we're both obsessed with turning 40, and you just made your ringing in the new decade so intentional and cool.
So tell me sort of how that bridge happened and what you did to celebrate 40.
Jen Christian: So without a doubt, the idea stemmed from me com- being completely indecisive. I actually do not like my birthday. I do not like to celebrate my birthday. My birthday falls over MLK weekend, so growing up I was never in school. It's also mid-January, when the weather is cold.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Jen Christian: Everyone is burned out from December- Mm ... and the holidays.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Jen Christian: No one wants to do anything. And it's just kind of not the ideal time to have a birthday.
However, in the moments I have chosen to celebrate, it's been truly wonderful. So when I turned 25, I invited the most random people to [00:11:00] margaritas. When I turned 27 or 28, I gathered my closest friends and put them on a party bus and we ended up at this one street town in Toronto, Kansas for dinner, and it was so much fun and so magical.
So also, in the back of my mind, my mom is an incredibly thoughtful human. So when I turned 30, my mom gifted me 30 things, and it was 30 is sweet, 30 is this, 30 is that. So 30 for 30 was always in the back of my mind.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Jen Christian: So as I was approaching 40, and I- knew deep down I really wanted to celebrate in some capacity.
And I honestly couldn't decide, should I go have lunch at Barnard's, or should I go have dinner at this random Kansas gem in the middle of nowhere Kansas? And I thought about it for about 30 seconds, and then I realized I could do it all. Mm. And I didn't want one thing to take over. I also have a pretty eclectic friend base that at times it's overwhelming to think about mixing [00:12:00] all the friends together.
Like, it's more over-stimulating and a lot of work for me.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Building the List and Buckets
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Jen Christian: And so what I decided to do was create 40 things for 40. And how this all went down was I got this random idea, and I started a note in my phone. And fortunately for work, I'm able to travel frequently. So most people's high-stress situations of traveling is actually my calmest moment.
Mm. And it's the only time where I'm forced to sit still and think and just be still. And so I started the note when I was on a trip, and I just jotted everything down that was on my mind. And then from there, I would go back, and I would refine it along the way.
I would add things that maybe I experienced. I would add things from my trips or my travels that I thought were cool. I thought of something random. "Oh, we should definitely add that." So it ended up being a curated list of very eclectic things. [00:13:00] When it got down to it and I had this massive list, I had to start editing.
I had to start refining, what does this look like? So then I took the ideas that I had and tried to categorize it or bucket them into things. So I ended up with a list of 10 places I love to dine in and dine. I ended up with 10 things that I love the most, and I ended up with 10 things that I wanted to discover.
Like, I am a horrible cook. Horrible. Horrible. Poor Spence. It's awful, but I'm a horrible cook. I think maybe I should learn to cook in this next decade. Or at least do something random like that. And then that left me 10 other things, and I knew five of them were just for me personally, that I didn't really need to share with anybody.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Jen Christian: One of the five was a trip Over my birthday to Cabo, which was unbelievable and amazing. The others I just didn't need to share. So that left me with five, and I'm like, "Wait, what should I do for this five?" Nothing was really fitting into something, so I turned to Pinterest. [00:14:00] I turned to ChatGPT. I put it in there.
I was getting back not the greatest things. Mm-hmm. So I just kept t- continuing to prompt it and refine it along the way. And then those last five ended up being an evolution, so an evolution of Jen. Jen when she was little probably had a pizza party with her friends.
Audra Dinell: Yes.
Jen Christian: Jen as she was growing up probably had a crazy night out.
Jen as she was turning into this old lady probably went to go play cards or bingo. So what did this look like? So then it sort of became like a little bit of me along the way, and then the whole idea, because I actually do really dislike and hate my birthday, the whole thought was, "This isn't about my birthday.
This is about spending meaningful, intentional time with those people that want to be there and those people that mean the most to me."
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Jen Christian: And so how I went about the whole thing, I thought about this long and hard. How am I gonna articulate 40 things to do? In what fashion and what format [00:15:00] is this gonna actually happen?
Because I knew at a minimum that I wanted the descriptions to be in my voice. When... I wanted it to be when people read all the things, they were actually hearing me say
Audra Dinell: it. Mm-hmm.
Jen Christian: And so that was important to me, and I just was really struggling, honestly, with how I was going to execute this. I, you know, had a copywriter on backup.
I reached out to a few d- graphic designer friends. I was like, "Okay, well, I might need you. Let me figure this out." But ironically as I was getting close to the final format or the final draft my husband had received his class reunion details through a Google site, and I thought, "That is actually brilliant," because it's a website, easily manageable.
I can change the fonts to m- my two favorite. I can change the colors to what I wanted them to be, and it was in an easy, digestible format so that you can receive it in one place, refer back to it if [00:16:00] needed, and then sign up for whatever you wanted. So by design, it was sent out to just be a catalog of joy, of randomness, of whatever you wanted to do, however you wanted to show up or celebrate or spend time together.
And no hard feelings if you didn't sign up, but it was sign up for what you want, no limit, and if you wanna sign up for everything, great, and if you wanna sign up for nothing, truly no hard feelings.
Audra Dinell: So to recap, you decided to celebrate your 40th birthday by just making a list of all of these different things you loved, places to eat, things you love to do, things you were excited to learn about, and then you compiled them into a list that had four different buckets, and then you put it all on a Google site, and then sent it out to all the people you love.
Jen Christian: [00:17:00] Correct, yep.
Audra Dinell: Oh my gosh.
Sharing It Out and Timeline
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Audra Dinell: So are you gonna do all 40 things in this year, or what's the timeline look like?
Jen Christian: Well, I did actually... Hold up. Let me go back to something. The other thing that you absolutely had to be okay with, that I had to be okay with, is I knew this was totally extra of me. It was totally, totally extra.
How is this gonna be perceived, received? What are people gonna truly think about it? And I've always been so aware of what other people think, but I had to be comfortable and confident and totally okay with what happened.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Jen Christian: So when I had it in a decent place, what I thought was a decent place, I sent it to a few trusted friends, and I told them, "I need your true and honest critique and feedback.
W- if you receive this, how would you take it?" And when their response was elated and overjoyed and so happy, it gave me the [00:18:00] boost I needed to be able to actually send it. And so from there, I just sent it out randomly, and luckily, it all just went to a Google Form. Mm-hmm. So you signed up, it goes to a Google Form.
It was in one spreadsheet, where it was divided by activity, and I honestly think it'll sustain my social calendar for the next decade. I love that. Because I wasn't in a hurry. I didn't wanna do these things when it's cold and dreary and not great outside. I wanted it to fit the season or fit the mood, and so I've only dabbled in a few of them and I'll start planning more as the year goes on.
But I honestly think it'll sustain at least the next 2 to 10 years. 2 to 10.
Audra Dinell: I was one of those people who was like, oh my gosh, I love this so much. I love you being a person especially who often chooses not to celebrate yourself, but you're beautiful at celebrating others. I know this being your friend.
I was so [00:19:00] happy to see, you know, you celebrating yourself, so worthy of celebrating, as we all are. So I just, I loved this idea. I felt like it was so intentional. It was fun. It was you. I mean, everything you said, it really just hit the nail.
Jen Christian: And what I love the most about it was that it shifted the focus from me and my birthday.
I never like seeking the spotlight. I never want that attention put on me, to it just being about spending super quality time- With the people that wanted to be there, and that to me was the most important thing of the whole entire thing. It also gave me the chance to have control over the situation and not have people surprise and delight-
in their own way.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Jen Christian: Even though that did happen. So it was, for me, the way I could control the narrative and change it, change the narrative and change the focus to not be about me, but truly change it to be about just spending quality time.
Audra Dinell: Well, and do [00:20:00] what you mentioned at the beginning of the conversation, which was really invest in friendships- Mm-hmm
for this next decade. Yep. Okay.
Favorite Picks From the 40
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Audra Dinell: So share just a handful of things that you are looking forward to most in this celebration. So give us, like, you know, what are three or four of the 40?
Jen Christian: So one of my favorite things to do is go find random Kansas restaurants and actually experience them. So random Kansas gems are definitely on the list.
The other place that I love, I've been to a couple times now, is Saltwell Farm Kitchen. Mm-hmm. It's between Topeka and Lawrence, sort of in the middle of nowhere Kansas, but it, the food is incredible, the drinks are great, the whole experience overall is wonderful.
I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to a cocktail class, actually making my favorite cocktails. I've ac- sh- while I love certain ones, I've nev- I don't even know how to make it.
So I'm looking [00:21:00] forward to that, and I'm looking forward to random things like horseback riding and maybe learning how to cook.
Yeah. And I don't even know what else. All of it, really.
Audra Dinell: In a decade that, as I mentioned, is that stretchy decade where, like I said, the responsibilities are heavy, you know, maybe we're sandwiched in between multiple different priorities, I just love that you're choosing fun and adventure in addition to doing it all in relationship.
Why Celebration Matters
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Audra Dinell: So what did you learn about celebration throughout this process? Why is celebration so important? Celebration is so important for lots of reasons.
Jen Christian: So I've always had to have something be on my calendar. It makes my long days and my tough moments seem and feel lighter. Mm. I always just needed something to propel me to the [00:22:00] next place, to propel me forward, to give me hope that something great lies ahead, right?
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Jen Christian: That s- there's a moment of joy, a moment of fun that is on the horizon.
That's where the whole celebration thing came from, and that's what it means to me. But if we do not slow down and enjoy the moment, it'll just simply pass by. And so for me, celebration is about pausing.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Jen Christian: It's about reflection. It's about accomplishment, and it's about connection and relationship.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Sort of just enjoying what is.
Jen Christian: Enjoying what is, in whatever space that it needs to be in.
Audra Dinell: Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. I adore the way you chose to celebrate, and we'll be celebrating your 40th for the next decade, and I'm sure it sparked ideas for someone listening, so. [00:23:00]
Jen Christian: I hope it did.
Audra Dinell: Could we possibly get a copy of Okay ...
Template Offer and Wrap Up
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Audra Dinell: this structure and this list that you created in case anyone who's listening is like, "Yes, I wanna plan something fun like that for myself"?
Jen Christian: Absolutely. I had created it to be a catalog of randomness, and if it springs an invitation for you to create your own list or do whatever you want to do, I am more than happy to share it with you.
Audra Dinell: Okay. Awesome. We will link that in our show notes, and thank you so much, Jen.
Jen Christian: Thank you so much, Audra.