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Unashamed Unafraid is a show dedicated to being unashamed about sexual addiction recovery and unafraid of coming unto Christ for healing. Pornography and sexual addiction are not something you are stuck with to manage your whole life. We share real stories of recovery, the best resources, information from experts, and answer anonymous questions with those who know. All to help you on the path of being 100% healed from pornography and sexual addiction.
Speaker 17: Tryna walk the walk.
Truth on the mic, no shame
here, just real talk.
Came from the outside, never fit in.
Now we tell the story
and the healing begins.
No front, no mask, just telling the truth.
Keep it real, keep it raw,
speaking straight from the booth.
If you feeling like an
outsider, this one's for you.
Uh.
Yeah
Sam and Austin: Welcome to another
episode of Unashamed, Unafraid.
We are unashamed of sexual
addiction recovery and unafraid
of coming unto Christ for healing.
Austin, this is the first
time you've co-hosted with me.
You've been on a couple Unashamed,
or Live Unashamed episodes.
How does it feel to be
in the hot seat, brother?
It is just excited to be
in the big leagues now.
I'm excited that you trust me enough to
finally sit in front of this mic and talk.
No, the trust was always there, well,
dude, let's check in on recovery.
How are things going for you?
Um, things are going well recovery-wise.
You know, it's always messy.
Recovery's a messy business, but the
thing that I'm I would say that I'm
struggling with the most, with my recovery
is things are going good, and this is
the first time things have actually gone
good for a significant period of time,
and I'm, I'm honestly struggling how to
connect with God when things are going
good and not when I'm just in crisis.
Like, that- that's something I'm
trying to explore right now and
figure out 'cause I'm not in crisis
mode, and that's, that's, like,
that's a weird feeling to have.
It almost feels wrong.
It does.
It does.
And you've been sober now how many months?
I believe I'm at seven months, just a
disclaimer, if you've never listened to
the podcast before, we do not believe
that sobriety is equal to recovery.
Correct.
But, sobriety is the eventual goal.
Um, s- I would say, uh, In all
things considered, my recovery feels
like it's going well today, too.
I had a really good conversation with,
uh, someone very close to me, who I
needed to have a, a, a conversation
with, in terms of boundaries and
that went as well as it could've.
I was really proud of myself.
I guess I realized in the middle of
that conversation how much I had healed.
The fact that I f- I felt like I could
have a voice and I could, I could list
concerns that I had about the way we
were interacting with this individual
and what needed to change in our
relationship, uh, that is something
I wouldn't have done three years ago.
I would've just stayed small.
I wouldn't have brought anything up.
I would've got passive-aggressive
and resentful, and then I would've
gone and watched porn- Hmm.
What a- ⦠in order to
cope ⦠beautiful cycle.
I know.
And so I just was, I was
just proud of myself, man.
Like, the progress I'm making.
Sure, I'm still only getting, you know,
a couple weeks sober, but, uh, I'm having
some pretty impressive wins that to
me feel very sacred, and that's good.
So that's enough from us.
I wanna introduce our guest.
We have Erin from familiesgettinghelp.com.
Uh, she's a hypnotherapist and, she
does specialize in, uh, pornography
recovery and addiction recovery.
So Erin, welcome
Erin Del Toro: Thank you so much,
Sam and Austin, really look forward
to a great conversation Hopefully
discovering some interesting things.
I'm definitely curious to hear what
you've learned about hypnotherapy.
We'll get into that maybe later.
But I am a hypnotherapist,
clinical hypnotherapist, and
a master hypnotist as well.
I've been doing hypnotherapy
for about 10 years, and it.
I love it because people
change really quickly.
We get some really powerful results.
I like, you know, just this morning got
a, a message from a client, and she just
said, "You know, it's only been a week
since my first session," like, "It's
actually kind of shocking to even begin to
think that I've seen this many changes."
She's like, "I almost think it's
some kind of magic," or, you know,
like that, but it's really not.
We, we really get into the
deep changes of the brain.
We'll talk more about
that today, I'm sure.
but it is something I'm totally
passionate about, helping people change.
And I've really always been a person
who connects easily with others.
That aspect of the job
is absolutely amazing.
I grew into this position, uh, eventually
through doing different things.
I, I, I got into some,
you know, energy work.
I would say that that has its
place and, and whatever andâ¦
it, it's definitely not a, a method
that's going to get you unstuck for
me, I started to get back into actually
therapy and was going back to school
to be a therapist and came across this
modality because someone introduced me to
it and said, "Hey, you've gotta try this.
You're gonna put therapy
down in two seconds."
they were totally right because in that
session, changes happened in my brain
that I just couldn't even, you knowâ¦
Like, I couldn't even figure out
how that happened that quickly.
And then six months later, I
still notice, like, a difference.
So not that regular therapy
doesn't have its place, but
I'm a very intuitive person.
so for me, hypnotherapy, I get to feel
the spirit all day long e- every day.
It's, it's an amazing thing.
And I get to touch in with that
spiritual side of myself and y- you
know, utilize it to help other people.
There's, there's really nothing better.
A little bit more about me.
Uh, I have two daughters.
They are 21 years old and just are
about to become seniors in college.
Very excited for them.
They're awesome.
They're amazing.
They'reâ¦
I get to barely see them
a little bit this summer.
then, I have a, a pet that's a little
bit different than most people's.
I have a cockatoo, she kind of runs the
Sam and Austin: Is that a bird?
Erin Del Toro: Yeah.
So one
Sam and Austin: It's a big old parrot.
Erin Del Toro: parrots-
Sam and Austin: Yeah.
Yeah.
Erin Del Toro: the little
fluffs on top of the heads.
So that, that's kind of
my life and, and work.
I just, I love what I do,
Sam and Austin: does it, does
the cockatoo, do, do those speak
back like a, like a parrot?
Erin Del Toro: Uh, yes, she
will speak back, but cockatoos
aren't the best talkers.
They are very cuddly, very personable.
She
Sam and Austin: Hmm
Erin Del Toro: literally just sit in your
lap all day if she could have her way.
But,
Sam and Austin: Wow.
Erin Del Toro: w-
Sam and Austin: That's rad
Erin Del Toro: So yeah.
So that's a little bit about me
Sam and Austin: So Aaron, tell us
why you decided to go into the, uh,
pornography addiction recovery world
Erin Del Toro: it came across my
platform or on my desk, I should
say, uh, in a kind of an unusual way.
I had someone show up in my office and
just say, "Hey, have you ever thought
about starting a program for this?"
essentially.
And I really hadn't too much, which is
kind of interesting because I went to
a hypnotherapy school, uh, with a guy.
The, the guy who owned the school
was, his name was Dennis Parker.
Dennis, he had this whole program in
hypnotherapy for helping people quit porn.
He loved to help guys clear that
off of them and feel like they could
really shake it and be done with it.
he felt like he had a really solid
list of protocols, which he taught
us all, and I knew how to do it.
But going into my hypnotherapy world,
I really didn't focus on it at first.
And it was maybe, you know, a couple
years ago, someone brought this to me and
said, "Hey, have you ever thought of it?"
And I was like, "Well,
I have all the tools.
I have the program."
Dennis has passed away, but before he
passed, he actually reached out to his
students , and just said, "Hey, I'd
love for you to continue this program."
And I kinda put it in the
back of the files of my mind.
Uh, but for me, I, I had had a
little bit of a struggle with
porn when I was a teenager.
It was something that happened, you know,
I, I saw it on my, my family's computer.
I was just doing, you know, surfing the
web, and curiosity evoked feelings, right?
And, and that's just kind of a natural
thing that happens, is it evokes feelings.
And back then, this was like 1995, 1996,
nobody's talking to their kids about like,
what if you run into porn on the internet?
so back then it was like, it was shocking,
the curiosity, and of course it brings
all tho- those, those feelings that just
are there because biologically they're
gonna, they're gonna be there, right?
And had someone told me what to
do with those feelings, I would've
probably been good to go and
walked, you know, just walked away.
But for most of us, when we show
up in that situation, we don't know
what those feelings are about, so
we come back to it again because it
brings a spike of dopamine and that's
definitely what happened to me.
And I got stuck in a loop with it for
maybe a year or so, and finally had
an experience where I felt the Spirit
speak so strong to me was s- it was all
so clear and it was something that, for
me, I just kind of realized I didn't
want this, any of this in my identity.
Uh, I really felt that connection
to God, to Christ in that moment and
recognized that there was a loving
Heavenly Father who also wasn't judging
me for this, and I think that was a very
unique experience to have at that time.
that did take a lot of the
shame out of it for me.
And taking the shame out of it for
me, then I could see, oh, this is just
something that I kinda got trapped
into, stuck in, the emotional stuff
that was taking away some of the
stresses of, of life, and I didn't
even know it 'cause I was a teenager.
So, so all that was there,
definitely, and something that
I've gone through in my life
Sam and Austin: you talk about the shame
and how you were able to have a pretty
powerful experience that redirected you,
i'm curious what your thoughts
are on w- what role does
shame play in pornography use?
I mean, as you've worked with
clients, how do you see that
interacting and, and why does it
make it so difficult to, to overcome?
Erin Del Toro: Well, the shame
cycle, introducing a pretty negative
chemical concoction into our bodies.
And if we already know that porn makes
us feel better, which we consciously may
not say that to ourselves at 11 or 12
or, you know, 14 or whenever it is that
we're first exposed to porn, we have
that whole, the whole spike of dopamine
that's there, and we subconsciously
recognize that automatically.
There's actually a, a reason for that too.
Like, the chemical concoction that's
sitting there has no, uh, it has no
base and no foundation of oxytocin and,
and the serotonin that you would get
if you were having, you know, the love
bonded connection that you get during a
release of, committed, loving, companion,
eternal type of sex experience, So that
actually aids in that feeling, that, that
negative chemical sensation that happens.
then immediately, if that starts to
sit in the body for, you know, for long
enough, immediately the body starts to
recognize, it'll start to send signals
to the brain, "Well, I want that
better feeling to make that go away."
So it definitely keeps you locked in
the cycle because it becomes one of
the other reasons that you feel bad
in life, and you already felt bad in
life for some other reasons probably.
So it just kinda gets added in there.
Sam and Austin: You know, I have zero
experience with hypnotherapy altogether.
Um, and like I saw on the docket that
we were interviewing this hypnotherapist
today, you, and all of a sudden, in
my mind, the first thing that comes
to my mind is like a man in a top
hat with a twisty mustache with a
watch saying like, "You're getting
very sleepy," which I know it's not.
And so for, for like me and the listeners
who are unfamiliar with hypnotherapy, like
if I was coming to you for a first session
of I wanna stop looking at porn, like
what would, what would that look like?
Erin Del Toro: So when you're coming
into a, a session, what we're gonna do
first, we, we have an evaluation system
where I'm definitely taking a pulse on
your personality and some of the things
that you may struggle with already.
Because we specialize in, in quitting
porn, we're gonna ask you a series
of questions essentially at the very
beginning just to get to the bottom
of, what's really driving this?
there's a, just a series of prot-
protocol questions that I have that we go
through, and once we feel like we really
have that problem locked and underway,
that's when we're gonna start a session.
And I definitely have never waved
a watch at anyone ever we haven't
done anything like that in there.
There's no you're getting very sleepy, but
it's just kind of a nice light meditation
that I lead people into to begin with
because that's what we're looking to do,
is just take people from these really
quick running beta waves that we're in and
then begin to relax into our alpha, which
is where you'd be if you're like watching
a movie and feeling some emotion, feeling
any kind of connection there, and you're
becoming more programmable in that state.
You know, then we pass down
through that deep meditative
state into what we call theta.
And getting down into theta, that's
where we can really do some big changes.
You're in a place where you're
in a half sleep kind of place,
so you're never gonna be asleep.
No one's gonna have,
mind control over you.
would have to want them to have mind
control over you for that to happen.
Really it's a, it's a place where you
can figure out that problem, where
it came from, and then solve it.
And so for a lot of people, we have
an emotion that's really driving the
porn issue, and it could be the emotion
of shame because sometimes shame's
been sitting around for so long that
it becomes part of our identity and
we have like a belief system that s-
says, always this way," or, "I willâ¦"
You know, we almost label ourselves
as a porn user, when we start to label
ourselves as a porn user and we connect
all that shame that's in there, keep
bringing ourselves subconsciously
back around to it again and again.
So we're gonna, you know, boil that
emotion down, whether it's shame,
whether it's anger, because for some
people that feeling of anger that
they're having to stifle all the time
causes them to reach out for porn or
for some people it's Boredom, right?
whatever the emotion is that seems
to stimulate it, and a lot of
us, if we've been using porn for
a while, then we probably have
different emotions that stimulate it.
So we wanna kind of attack
those different emotions.
We're gonna ask the
subconscious, this come from?
And it usually is something that
happens when, you know, we were
younger, before we were six or seven.
That's when our, like,
primary neural pathways form.
Sam and Austin: So Aaron, I've got a, I've
got a question before we go any further.
Tell me about, a little bit
more about y- you said you're
talking to the subconscious
and you're asking it questions.
Can you walk me through
what that looks like?
I mean, I'm, I'm assuming that it's, this
is based on the assumption that a lot
of the, the reason why we use porn is,
is, is because there's, there's shame,
there's deep core beliefs that are, that
are locked deep inside our subconscious,
and you're trying to lift those, right?
Erin Del Toro: Correct.
Sam and Austin: So how would you do that?
Erin Del Toro: So yeah,
it's, it's a great question.
And essentially, we're literally gonna
lock onto a feeling, and we're gonnaâ¦
I, I basically ask my client to
really focus on this feeling.
Once we kinda, we can see this is, this
is the problem, we've talked it out
consciously, we can pretty much agree,
we've got these different emotions
that are stimulating this particular
porn problem, plus we have the tests
that they've taken as well, they're,
they're probably also resonating with
what, you know, is going on there.
So we're gonna go into that, you know,
meditative state like we're talking about.
We get down into theta.
Once we're there, uh, our ego can kind
of take a little bit of a vacation.
And as our ego starts to lighten up a
bit, can start to see the reality th-
reality of things so much more easily.
But what we'll do is
Sam and Austin: is focused
on developing and delivering
Erin Del Toro: and then we'll say,
Sam and Austin: on
Erin Del Toro: was this
created in the brain?"
Because there's a place that, where
this happened before that person was
six or seven years old or so, where
those primary neural pathways formed.
And I'm not saying that this is,
like, where we first looked at
porn, but this is where, like, one
of those emotions that seems to be
stimulating porn is coming from, right?
Sam and Austin: Hmm.
Erin Del Toro: We're gonna figure
that out and find where that first
started, and see other places where
maybe it linked to, because it doesn't
necessarily need to be, like, a, a
big trauma where it first started.
It could be, because some of us go
through big traumatic situations.
But others of us maybe just had a
moment where we did something as dumb
as, you know, drop our ice cream cone
on the ground and our brother calls us
a dummy, and we feel that shame right,
you know, in that moment, and that's
where we first start to associate shame
or something like that with ourselves.
So what, what we'll do is find,
okay, where'd that piece come from?
Why did the mind do that?
Oh, because we were only five
or six years old, and we had no
reinforcement inside our mind to
say, "Oh, that's not true," right?
we had nothing inside of us to
bounce that back out, but now we do.
And so what we're doing, and if we take
a, a scan of the brain before we do a
hypnotherapy session, some universities
are studying hypnotherapy more and
more, which is awesome, and I love that.
But if we take a scan of the brain and
we ask the person to think of this memory
that they, you know, that was traumatic,
and we see how the neural pathways
are formed in that area, okay, great.
We do the session.
What happens is when we access that memory
and we just have emo- different emotions,
new ideas introduced, new u- new thoughts.
we're in that theta wave state,
we get about 400 times the
conscious thinking mind's power.
So we're making changes about
400 times the rate that you would
in a normal therapy session.
You're integrating that so much
deeper, so much more quickly.
After the session, we go take another
brain scan, we actually see a change.
The neural pathways look different,
and the ones that were there
and they've become different, they're
smaller, or we see a completely
different shape going on in that area.
So kind of cool that new, new thoughts
are, and new emotions, new ideas create
new realities for us inside of our minds.
We can think about ourselves so
differently that we're not carrying
an old shame piece around anymore,
you can see if, if you ask someone
to think of something, right, it
lights up that area of the brain.
you see the neural pathways
there, you see the formation.
You do the hypnotherapy, you come
back, and yes, you asked for that
memory to be lit up, but now it
has different feelings with it.
Uh, the neural pathways are different.
We think of it differently.
My, my clients think of it differently.
They're no longer carrying that shame
around, and it's really, really powerful
when we can go back and go, "Well,
where was the first time this person
was ever introduced to pornography?"
And they were, like,
eight or nine, and theyâ¦
Like, there was curiosity, right?
Because it's, that's gonna be there, and
there might have been, like, feelings that
started to show up that were sexual or
exciting and, and that's, like, so normal.
But at eight or nine they might
have started to think, and weâ¦
You know, maybe started to
think, "I'm a bad person.
I am always gonna be attracted
to these gross," things.
That seems to show up a lot for people.
And if we can just go back and go,
"Oh, it, I wasn't a bad person.
was just, like, a normal
response that I was having there.
And now that I can see it so
differently it has so muchâ¦"
You know, the power just leaves from it,
And then porn also, the power leaves for
the person in their older adult life.
So kind of cool because it's, it's so
reciprocal uh, and, and unifying for us
'cause we also get to connect back with
those parts of ourselves where we kind of
stuffed them down because we felt so bad.
And so it's like we lose a piece
of ourselves at seven years
old or at 10 or at 12 or, you
know, these different places.
Sam and Austin: Well said.
Yeah, well said.
Yeah.
Done.
Erin Del Toro: sound
like a crazy person or
Sam and Austin: Well, no, I, I
like what you're saying, Aaron.
That really matches up with the way that
I, I guess I've interpreted my own story.
I mean, . I, I feel like especially before
the age of th- of 10, um, I had these
experiences that, that, uh, that were
very formative for me, and they really
set a template for the way I thought
about relationships, um, sex, myself,
Erin Del Toro: å¯ã
Sam and Austin: for the rest of my life.
Uh, uh, God as well, I would, I
would put in that category, right?
And, uh, I think it's powerful
what you're talking about.
So I, I'm interested to hear, about
the reprogramming process because,
I mean, how do you, how do you just
in a moment go back and, and have
such a powerful force on something
that's been so ingrained for so long?
Erin Del Toro: So that, that is that
one of the things, uh, that weâ¦
I mean, that's what a
hypnotherapist does essentially.
So we're gonna take that moment, and then
we let that really begin to expand in the
brain because, again, lifted off, right?
now we don't have all the judgments
about ourselves that we used to.
Now we can start to see ourselves
probably a little more, I think,
like our Heavenly Father sees us.
And when we start to do the protocols that
I use, we allow the brain to experience
what that feels like at, you know, eight
years old to n- to feel clear and feel
innocent and, you know, feel pure again.
so that's a cool new feeling.
now because of that, we probably
didn't feel the innocence and the
purity and the, you know, all of
that for so long as an adult, right?
And all the way growing up.
essentially, and just to kinda give
you one of my tricks of the trade,
what I, what I do is I basically
the client I'm working with, go from
that place and, and imagine being
clear, pure, uh, you know, all the
wonderful things that they would've
been all the way up through today.
And as we're doing that, again, we're
beginning to make big changes not only in
the brain but neurosomatically in the body
'cause we're just dumping out all these
really great chemicals into the body.
So the body's beginning to sense
what it feels like to int- integrate
this on such a different level.
And then we're giving, you know, kind
of prompts and cues to imagine what
the future's going to be like so that
when you step into that future, your
neural pathways are already primed to
be like, "Oh, I still feel pure here.
I still feel clear here.
I still feel good here.
still am able to choose into this
because I identify with myself that
way so much more than I did before."
And it doesn't mean that it's gonna
make it, like, perfect right away.
That's why I usually, you know,
suggest we're gonna work three,
maybe four sessions with someone.
But ultimately, I get a lot of clients
who are on one session because of that
neurosomatic integration and all the,
envisioning that they get to do, which
we call future pacing in hypnotherapy.
But because of all that, yeah, they
have a lot more power when they step
into that place, but they have a
lot more power because they, they
remember that power inside themselves.
And that's something that I think is
hard to teach and hard to get through in
therapy, but if we can just like tap back
into it in a second, sometimes it can
make such a, a huge impactful difference.
And then, you know, you might have
the, the temptations that were there
before, one of the other things we
get to do in hypnotherapy is run those
temptations and run them in a way that,
you know, a- and imagine them in a
different, going in a different way, so
you're building new neural pathways for
how that's going to go very quickly.
Sam and Austin: What do you mean
when you say run those temptations?
Erin Del Toro: Yeah, right?
But I'm speaking like a hypnotherapist.
We're going to imagine what, what's
it gonna feel like after we've, after
we've connected with these pieces
of ourselves that we've maybe left
behind for so long, what's it gonna
feel like when a temptation shows up?
What's it gonna feel like when
you've been doing so great for so
long and all of a sudden it shows up
and it, you know, sneaks up on you?
And you can imagine that when you're
deep in your theta wave state, again,
doing all the programming for yourself,
, creating these new neural pathways there.
And that way, again, you step
into that place in the future
and you feel more prepared.
prepared.
And we will run a lot of different
scenarios so that you feel as
prepared as you possibly could
Sam and Austin: What I'm loving
hearing so far is that I mean, in
layman's terms, like, you're, you're
addressing the true cause of addiction.
You're not focusing on the behavior.
You know, don't bring your phone in the
bathroom anymore, and don't do this.'"
"And maybe you should sing a hymn or read
the scriptures more," or, um, you know.
Like, you're, you're not
focusing on the behavior.
You're focusing on the emotional
underlaying problem of why we needed
that addiction in the first place, and
allowing your clients to start to, to face
it and focus and sit in it, which I love.
That's, that's amazing.
One thing that I am curious about
is it's gotten really popular in
psychotherapy within the past five to
10 years, but things like EMDR, ART,
these rapid eye movements, how is
that comparative to, to hypnotherapy?
Are they, are they similar?
Is it not similar at all?
Like how, how does that, I guess, compare?
Erin Del Toro: It's a really good
question, and, and they are a bit
similar in that EMDR, you're s- getting
that bilateral stimulation, right?
So as you get that bilateral
stimulation, it starts to relax
you, and you're gonna go from those
beta waves into your alpha waves.
So you're not gonna go into theta there,
generally speaking, with your eyes open.
Most people are not gonna go into a theta
wave state, but they're going to get
into a nice relax, relaxed space where,
again, ego starts to diminish just a
little bit, and all the fears that were
there begin to diminish just a little bit.
hypnotherapy is similar that way.
When it comes to EMDR and, and those
kinds of therapies, though, you kinda
need to know what the issue was ahead of
time when you go to that session, when
it comes to hypnotherapy, you can show
up and literally go, "I have no idea.
I, I had a perfect life.
My background was awesome.
There's nothing I can possibly
point to where th- this is coming
from, but it's been there for
this long," or whatever, right?
hypnotherapy can help you find the,
the root of the problem pretty fast
'cause, again, we're gonna ask the
brain, and I maybe I didn't speak
to this very well before, Sam.
Um, but we're gonna ask the brain,
"Where did that emotion come from?"
essentially, one- once we get into
that theta wave state, and you'd
be surprised how fast your brain
comes up with the right answer
Sam and Austin: So I'm gonna,
yeah, I'm gonna dive in here a
little bit because, uh, y- and you
and I, you might remember this.
We talked on the phone a little
bit about this when, we were
discussing coming on the podcast.
But I've actually done some hypnotherapy.
Erin Del Toro: Mm-hmm.
Sam and Austin: And what, I think what one
of the most helpful things was about it
was, was what you just discussed, which
is it, it's shocking how fast you can
actually get to the root of the problem.
I c- like I could, I could identify
probably Three beliefs that
were driving my porn addiction.
Number one was I thought that I
was a bad kid, and I was doing
everything that I could to find a
good version of myself through porn.
Number two was, I felt like I was
really incompetent, and so I, I had
these feelings of, of like, I have to
escape and, and get out of this world
into a place that feels safe, right?
Sex is very powerful for that, and
so I went to porn for that as well.
And then the third thing, and
you mentioned this earlier, was
I'm bored And I never learned how
to deal with boredom as a kid.
I was so bored all the time.
Sunday afternoons, we
couldn't do anything.
We had six kids in our family.
I didn't feel like I had enough of
the attention of, of either one of
my parents, and I was always bored.
And so what I took from hypnotherapy
more than anything else, was like,
I went in and I was able to be like,
"Yeah, okay, this is exactly where
to go from here," and then I worked
backwards and, and so I love that piece.
Yeah.
I actually, I love that too, the, the
idea of that you don't need to know.
Um, 'cause, like, having gone to so
many, like, men's retreats and being in
recovery circles for so long, talking
to men where they're like, "I don't know.
I don't know why I'm addicted."
Whereâ¦
Or some can be like, "This moment
right here, I was abused, and
this is where it all started."
Where so many others are just
like, "I was never abused.
I had great parents.
I don't have this traumatic life."
And so then usually the answer is like,
"You have all these tiny T traumas
that eventually built up into the need
for an addiction," but that is so much
harder to try and break down and try and
figure out, and to have a tool that can
start to dissect that without you having
to know what each one is, that's big.
That's a big thing for a lot of
people to, to have a tool like that.
That's And from my own personal
experience, so if anyone out
there is wondering, like, what,
what is hypnotherapy like?
Like, I was fully in control of
myself when I was hypnotized.
I just felt very calm and, like, very
myself, more myself than I ever had been.
It was the same feeling I remember
having when I was probably in seventh
grade, and I just remember dribbling
the basketball down the court in a
basketball game and being so in flow.
Like, my brain was just working and
I didn't even have to think about my
th- hypnotherapist asked me a series of
questions, and suddenly, like, this phrase
and this moment in time came to my mind.
And I was like, I hadn't ever
really realized the gravity of
that situation and what was said
to me and how I interpreted it.
But it was like, bingo.
That is a critical moment that I've
totally overlooked my whole life.
So I, I, I just testament to that.
It's very fascinating.
here's a, a question you'll appreciate.
So would you tell us a
little bit more about the
effectiveness of, of hypnotherapy?
'Cause from my own research and, and from
y- the claims of many hypnotherapists,
especially in the pornography
recovery world, it's extremely high,
like 90-plus percent after just,
sometimes less than four sessions.
I'd love for you to speak to me
as someone, because I did do some
hypnotherapy, and it was very helpful
I thought it was very therapeutic.
It helped me a ton in my recovery,
but I didn't get sober in the way I
had expected, in the way, uh, uhâ¦
what is it that y- you're
pairing with the hypnotherapy
that's causing the real results?
Because I'm sure there's things I
was missing, if this is really that
effective, that, I probably just either
wasn't aware of, maybe at that point
in my recovery wasn't willing to do,
uh, or a mix of both of those two.
Speaker 4: About 90% or so of clients
across the board tend to feel like they
were able to get over whatever problem
they had- Yeah ⦠get over whatever
behavior was holding them back or emotion,
and step into a new phase of life where
they had more control, where they had more
power, and they didn't feel like that old
thing was the thing that was in control.
Instead, they were.
Studies show that most
people find meaningful change
within three to six sessions.
In my office, my clients usually see
change between one and six sessions.
Some of that has to do with how deeply
rid of the unwanted behavior or emotion
is, and some of it has to do with
how ready the person is for change.
Because we're ready for what
we're ready for, and our readiness
is dependent on maturity.
And of course, I'm not talking
about, like, age, but a- emotion-wise
and personal responsibility-wise.
And I know for me, in my therapy process,
, my very first session was for anxiety
I was having due to divorce trauma.
And I'd been working o- in therapy
for maybe three or four years at that
point, and it was still at that, like,
nine or 10 level most of the time.
And it took me from, like, a, a level 10
panic attacks and anxiety that I couldn't
even recognize where they were coming
from, down to, like, a three or a four.
So once I did hypnotherapy, like I said,
that first experience was great, and it
really did take it to this manageable
space for me, and I would still say I was
probably one of those clients in the 90
per- 90% saying, "This was successful."
Not like it got rid of everything, but
this was successful because it got me to
a place where it was manageable, right?
And then as I kept working, of
course, I'm in the hypnotherapy
world, and I start to see literal
miracles in front of my eyeballs.
And y- yes, I get to play a, a small
role in that, but I know what's really
happening is my clients' minds are
so ready for change, and they're
also in a place where they believe
change is gonna happen for them.
And that kind of belief, it really does
do something different inside of us.
And when a client is so ready to change
and they also feel the responsibility
inside of themselves, that's when
things kind of click for people in a
really, really, really powerful way.
And I started recognizing, well, if I want
my, that three or four level of anxiety
to go away, then I probably need to be
adapting some of these thoughts, this
belief system that it really, really can.
And also, I would say that in that
time period, I was finally able to
start recognizing, if I wanna adapt
that and I want this change, there's
something I have to let go of.
And the thing that I had to let go of was
feeling like anyone else had brought me
to this point and I didn't have control.
I recognized that it was my
responsibility to step into a safe
world and to be safe inside of myself,
which I think is what Heavenly Father
and Jesus Christ want us to do.
They are leading us to a place
where we know how to step
out of something ourselves.
They can come lift us out at any point.
But we've gotta take that final step.
So to speak to some of that,
yes, I would say that part of
it was I needed to do the work.
But one of the things that made
the huge difference was I had a
different hypnotherapist as well.
So I was different, but also I do think
that that combination, the time for me to
take the responsibility, the time for me
to change, and then the new hypnotherapist
who had some more tools under his belt
essentially, and I think a different,
just more powerful belief system helped
me to also change my belief system.
So I mean, there really is something
to be said for feeling comfortable
with your therapist and knowing that
they're, they're good at what they do.
A hypnotherapy session is a team effort.
I've gotta be knowledgeable.
I've gotta be tuned in as a therapist.
I've gotta be paying attention to
your physical and verbal cues, but
like I said, you've gotta be ready.
And the more these two pieces
come together, the faster
that change is gonna happen.
It's very important for us to not only
clear out what we worked on, like we
were talking about before, but be able
to step into these new spaces where
we see ourselves differently, where
we can feel ourselves making a change.
And that neurosomatic experience is
something that I really lean into during
a hypnotherapy session with my client
because I want my clients to feel when
the neural pathway change is happening.
Because chemicals are dumping into the
body, and we get this really amazing
ability to not only be in that theta
wave state and make those neural pathway
changes really fast, but also because the
chemicals are dumping into the body and
we keep promoting that as a therapist and
as a client together, now we're really
starting to get some experience with what
that's like, and the neural pathways are
getting really nice and deep and strong.
And that might need to be for
a few days after the session.
I think it's great to keep
re-re-impressing that for weeks
and even months, because now you're
starting to really live in that space.
It's, it's becoming part of life.
Speaker: That feels very,
consistent with- Yeah ⦠my
experience in recovery right now.
There's, there's a lot of things that,
uh, maybe I unlearned, but I never
learned the, the new thing, right?
And so that I just, where, where there
was a void there, I drifted back, uh,
and have many times to kinda the old
way, the old neural pathway that was,
you know, maybe, maybe not fully formed.
Speaker 2: With hypnotherapy, and
specifically focusing on porn addiction
and recovering from that, like what
tools are you able to give your clients
so they can use, you know, not when a
session's happening, when they're at
home, and when those urges actually hit?
Speaker 4: that is a really good question,
so I'm glad you asked because, yes, in
this hypnotherapy process, we have these
bottom-up approaches, but we also give
you tools That are top down approaches.
So in a moment where you are dealing with
an emotion or a temptation that would
typically get to you, I want you to be
able to utilize these top-down techniques
so that you have that kind of power to
change how you feel at any time, anywhere.
So bottom up is when we start with
your deeper beliefs and identity.
Instead of just trying to change
your behavior, we work on how
you see yourself at a core level.
For example, if you believe, "I'm
a terrible person who's always
going to give into temptation,"
that belief lens creates emotions,
thoughts, and behaviors that match it.
And that negative identity flows up and
affects pretty much everything in life,
and it just keeps affecting us because
we tend to behave the way we feel.
So when we start to shift your beliefs
so you start seeing yourself as someone
with potential, someone who's capable
of choosing better and better, and
that really starts to ring true with
you, those new emotions and thoughts
and behaviors will naturally flow up.
Bottom up's gonna be those, those
one-on-one sessions that you will have
with your hypnotherapist, and then we
also have some recordings for you to
listen to for different emotions that
you get to work on and have some very
deep perspective shifts even on your
own, the top-down techniques that we
use and promote here in our program.
Some of the tools are things like, you
know, those affirmations, things that
are going to ring true with you, uh, new
thoughts and ideas that we would love for
you to put some emotion and connection
to, to help support where you're going.
And those can be really helpful in a
moment when you're feeling temptation.
However, we like to pair it
with some other things as well.
So you get some neurosomatic work.
We- We definitely do different
types of EFT tapping where we
also bring in affirmations.
There's that, and we also teach
you how to do some breathwork, and
that's to bring you back to center
and to be able to connect internally.
Again, a top-down approach that starts
to spread down into your system.
And one of the things that I
absolutely love to do is to teach
people how to turn down an emotion
that's unwanted or a temptation.
One of our most fun top-down approaches
is called automatic impulse control,
and this technique was developed by
my former instructor, Dennis Parker.
He actually became pretty well known in
the hypnotherapy world for this in the
few years right before hi- his passing
because it's such a unique somatic tool.
So here's how it works.
Now, we have these different parts
of our brain that are active at
different times depending on where our
intelligence is inside of our mind.
We have a spiritual intelligence that
has been there always with us in our
spirit mind, and as we inherit this
body that we get, our spirit mind is
going to work with our s- with our
physical mind, and that spiritual
intelligence roams around inside of our
brain as we have different thoughts.
If we are in our quick running beta
thoughts, then we're thinking in
this part of our prefrontal cortex.
Now, science probably wouldn't agree with
me as far as that intelligence term goes.
I think one day they definitely will.
We do know that as you think about
things consciously, you're up
here running in these beta waves.
As we start going back, we go further
and further into our imagination until
we get back to a place where it almost
would pretty much take us to sleep
if we put our intelligence there.
And that's actually one of the
ways that I teach people to sleep.
And what's kind of cool is you play
around with where your intelligence
is, you start to be able to figure
out how to change your emotions.
Now, here's the memories running front
to back, and I know you guys probably
can't see me on this recording, but
I'm, I'm touching my forehead and
just kind of moving back along, uh,
just back along the center of my head
until you reach the nape of your neck.
Now, what Dennis figured out is that
actually there is a side to side motion,
and when we go back and forth that way
can alter how a memory is perceived.
So if we think about a particular memory
in our mind, something that is not a
neutral memory, maybe a, a pornographic
image even, or perhaps something like
we got in a fight with our spouse and
we're feeling really angry, really upset.
well, we're gonna close our eyes and
think about how angry and upset we are.
And as you think about how angry and
upset you are- If you're really paying
attention, there's gonna be like kind of
a motion inside of your head, and that's
where your intelligence is landing.
So as you think about how angry and upset
you are, go just kind of point where
that place is to yourself on your head.
And then from there, what's kind of
cool, if you take that emotion and
you keep your intelligence there with
your finger, you can just move your
finger down the left side of your head.
And what you'll do is say things
that counter that particular emotion.
So, "Anger, you're not me.
Anger, you're not helpful.
I don't want anything
to do with you, anger.
You're not supporting me.
You're just making it more
difficult for me to be competent,
intelligent, and rational right now.
Anger, I'm turning you off.
Goodbye."
So what you're doing is
turning, you're just- So
Speaker: explain that, explain
that verbally for anyone who's,
who's listening and not watching,
'cause that's fascinating
Speaker 4: Sorry.
Yeah, absolutely.
Let me be more clear.
As you're saying this, you're, you're
going down the side of your head, the
left side of your head, as you're saying
these counter statements essentially,
down the side of your head about one inch.
Speaker: So you're doing this, you're
doing this while you're running your hand,
your left hand down the side of your head.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
And you're just gonna keep moving
your finger down with those
statements until you get down to the
bottom of your ear, and that's when
you say, "Goodbye, you're gone."
And see how you feel there.
If you start and you're like, anger's at
a level eight, and you start moving that
down that side with those affirmations,
when you finish, I want you to ask
yourself what level your anger's at.
Because maybe it's not
gonna be at a zero there.
It may be, but I guarantee it moved down
and you're more rational now because
anger puts us into that place inside
of our minds where we're not being
rational, and now you're more logical
and more clear, and you're gonna be
able to think through whatever this
disagreement is so much more easily.
Speaker: And all that stuff
just affects your mind.
It just kinda helps you almost
subconsciously It kinda softens
your brain up and reprograms it.
Speaker 4: Yes.
On the flip side, we
have a positive emotion.
We wanna turn it up.
We can do it the other way.
So you're gonna take that thought
that's positive, and you're
just gonna do the same thing.
Move it down one inch as you continue
to go down the right side of your
head now with positive affirmations.
If we had an old belief once that
was making us feel incompetent, then
we are gonna start saying things
like, "I know that I'm capable.
I know that I'm intelligent.
I know that I can learn.
I have continued to learn in
my life, and I am competent."
I- So
Speaker: kind of like a
guided meditation of sorts.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker 4: You'll notice the number
on that also starts to increase.
Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker 4: You'll get until
you're a level 10 in competence.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love the, like,
the use of somatic work, of actually
using your ha- your hand and moving
it down and, and pointing and
moving it, moving it down that way.
Um, I mean, for many reasons.
One, you're doing something
else with your hands.
But two, like, you're,
you're using your body.
You're keeping it focused on being
present in that moment and working
through that emotion and working
through that, um, through that
regulation or, um, that temptation.
Excuse me.
Um, I think that's really important.
You have to get every aspect
of your being into it, your
mind, your body, your spirit.
And when you can integrate all of
that at the same time, that allows
you to truly, like, step into the
moment and be present and be able to,
to let go of it and move on from it.
Like, that's, that's really cool.
I like that.
Speaker 4: I will put this
on our website after this.
Uh, if, if you wanna get this video
and actually see what I'm doing, uh,
go ahead, familiesgettinghelp.com.
Mm.
Look at our homepage.
There's gonna be a place for you
to drop your email and get a f-
a copy of this video sent to you.
Speaker: Erin, uh, I really, I
love the way you phrased all this.
It's very compelling.
Uh, and in my own experiences, a lot
of the somatic and- Tools ⦠like
subconscious work that I have
done has been the most powerful.
Obviously, there's
top-down things as well.
Um, but I just really
appreciate those perspectives.
If someone is out
there in podcast land listening to you and
is like, "Hey, hypnotherapy s- kinda seems
like a cool thing," and wants to get in
contact with you, how would they do that?
Speaker 4: If people want to get
in touch with us and see what our
program's about, just get on our
website at familiesgettinghelp.com.
You can get a little more familiar
with what we do and book your
discovery call there with our client
services manager, Mark, something to
know, our office is based out of St.
George, Utah, but we do more Zoom sessions
than we see people in, in person for sure.
So Zoom works great, and I'm just as
connected and in touch with a Zoom
client as I am one-on-one in the office.
Aaron, thank you for hopping on with us.
It was great to speak with you.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having me on.
It's, it's been a pleasure
speaking with you both
If you would like to get a
discount on services with Aaron
at familiesgettinghelp.com,
you can use the code
unashamed at checkout.
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