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What if the problem isn’t your job, but the version of yourself you had to become to succeed in it? Corporate jobs don’t trap us because they’re evil. They trap us because they slowly teach us to disconnect from ourselves. If you're in corporate America and your life looks successful on paper but feels empty in practice, you’re not alone.
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You’re not broken. You’ve just outgrown the life you built.
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Hello and welcome to episode 91 of Working towards our
purpose. In today's episode, we're going to talk about why
you feel like you can't keep up and addressing that
there's nothing wrong with you. But before we get into that, we're going to take
a moment and check in with ourselves, slow down, and
just see how we're feeling today.
All right. Hopefully you took a moment and checked in with
yourself. See where you're feeling today.
Yeah, for me, feeling. Feeling all right today.
Can hear the birds outside chirping, and it feels like
spring. So that's. That's a nice feeling. Always
a. Changing in seasons is always kind of nice.
So that's good. But, yeah, I guess feeling
a little uneasy, but that's okay.
Hoping I can be articulate today. I guess so. I'll do my best.
But, yeah. So I want to get into today's episode about
just the feeling of like, there's nothing,
or I guess the feeling that there's something wrong with you and how
familiar that can be to probably a lot of us,
and also the feeling of, like, not being able to keep up with other people.
So this episode came to me
from a rough Monday that I had. Again, it
seems like maybe this is kind of a pattern in.
In some regard, but Mondays are like my recording days, like, where I work
on other people's music. And I didn't have a session until later in the
day, so I had time that I was. I was working on my own
music and I was trying to learn
some covers, and I never learn covers. I've been
always, like, really bad at learning other people's songs.
I did it, like, to learn guitar, but then, like,
a year or two after I first
started playing, I just never really got into playing other people's songs anymore.
So it's something that I'm not great at. And I've been trying to work on
some covers to do at open mic night this week, and,
yeah, I was practicing them yesterday, and I was like, these are not
anywhere near where they need to be in order for me to play them.
So that started questioning myself and being like, oh, wow,
you can't play these other songs. Maybe you're not a good
musician. That kind of started a spiral,
perhaps. So I guess what I'm describing now is the culmination of
what started the spiral that I went down on Monday
because, yeah, just a negative spiral of
thinking about yourself in a negative and
often untrue way, kind of just spiraling into,
like, a depression. And so that was one of them was, like,
not feeling like a good musician because I couldn't play, like, kind of
simple covers. And simple is unnecessary, but
trying to play covers. So that was one of
them. And then I had another sort of experience where
I had an old client reach out to me for podcasting work.
And. And I worked with this client for probably three years, and
I worked pretty closely with them until they stopped doing their podcast.
And they sort of just reached out to me and asked me to do something.
And it sort of brought up all these
interesting feelings of how it
felt to work with them back then, because I probably haven't worked with them in
two years and sort of realizing some
workaholic patterns and stuff like that. But in the moment, because I was already
in sort of not a great mood,
it just sort of compiled and made me also feel,
like, not good enough to be able to
work with them. And that's not really how
I want to put it. So I guess
once you're in a spiral, once you're kind of feeling depressed, it
becomes easy to feel like you're not good enough for
other things, other people around you. So I guess when I was thinking about
trying to work for this client, there was some urgency. They sent a
text on Sunday, which I wasn't really a fan of, but
also just in the way that they work, which
in my view, upon reflecting, is kind of a bit of
workaholic. That's not really how I want to work. But
because I was feeling bad about myself already, I was like,
oh, because this thing's wrong with me, because I
feel depressed. I'm kind of comparing
myself to this other person and being like, oh, I'm less than
now because of that. So
that's obviously not something that's going to make you feel good.
So that was a pile on top of it also.
And then the last thing was I was also picking up my parents up at
the airport in the afternoon and going through a whole
day of beating myself up and feeling bad about myself going to see
them. I hadn't seen them in a while, and I just felt bad.
I was depressed. I was in a bad mood, and I was trying to get
myself to be happy to see them.
I felt like I was expected to
be presentable or like, you
know, ask them about their trip and
stuff like that. And I just felt like I couldn't do that. And
I felt this sort of, like, shame around not being able
to do that. Like, what's wrong with you that you can't be excited to See
your parents, who you haven't seen in a minute. So that was
like a really interesting thing, upon reflection, was like feeling
bad for feeling bad, if that makes sense. Feeling
bad that you can't get yourself to be, not feeling bad.
I hope that makes sense. So, anyways, these
three things and what I do is
I really try to evaluate what's going on with me.
And I really do believe that having
bad days and whatever it may be, depression,
anxiety, struggling with things, I do
think that they're showing us something. They're
trying to. These negative experiences are showing us
something. And if we can try to not
avoid it and try to not numb ourselves, but to try to
figure out what it's trying to tell us, then it can be a positive thing
and it can help us move through it next time or
help us in some way. And I think that's kind of
what this podcast is about. It's really
trying to dive into things and
question, well, why are we feeling like this? Why do we feel like we're not
enough? Why do we feel like there's something wrong with us?
Why do we feel like we can't keep up with the people around us? Comparison,
all these negative thoughts about ourselves? Why?
So, yeah, so that's kind of what I want. Hopefully that makes sense. This is
what I want to address today, is that feeling of
there's something wrong with you. Because I think that was the biggest thing for me
on Monday was just feeling like there's this thing wrong with me.
There's times when I get depressed and
that feels like a hindrance. And I look at the people around me and I'm
like, they're fine. Why am I the one struggling with this? Why can't I
get a hold of it? Why? Why do I have to have a day where
I'm completely in my own head, not able
to do things?
And I know that I'm not the only one that feels like that. So I
really wanted to talk about that
and to kind of debunk it, because sometimes depression lies to
you. Your brain can lie to you, and
it can tell you things that aren't true, and you can believe those things,
and then it's harder to get past those
sorts of things with believing these sorts of
negative images or negative thoughts or negative
beliefs that you have about yourself. So
I think
I would like to get to a point in this
episode where there's three things that I'd like to talk about that helped
me through my day and will hopefully help you the
next time you're feeling like you're kind of not able to
keep up with the others around you, or feeling like you're not enough, or you're
not good enough or there's something wrong with you.
So I just want to check my notes real quick.
Sorry.
Yeah. Okay, so. So we can move
on here. I think I covered everything that I wanted to. Hopefully it made sense.
And I know I gotta stop apologizing for myself. Okay, so three
things that can help you feel better when you're
feeling like there's something wrong with you, or
you can't keep up with the others around you and wondering what's wrong with
you. The first thing that I really realized was with that old
client was workaholic. Being a workaholic,
workaholism. I don't know if that's a word, but
being a workaholic is a very prevalent
thing in our society. We live in a capitalist society, and
most of us have been conditioned to believe that our
work is our worth. And whatever you can do,
output wise, however much money you can make, whatever the metric is
that equates to your worth, and it's simply
not true. And I've probably said it a thousand
times before, and I have to say it a thousand times to myself because I
still fall into those patterns of like, oh, well, I didn't
get enough done, or I didn't make enough money,
so I don't have worth. So just
another reminder that your work isn't your value and the things that you get done
isn't your value, that you're valuable as a human being,
period. You don't need anything more than that.
You're valuable, you're worthy of love,
acceptance, all those sorts of things. But the society that we live in,
it's really hard to feel like that because there's so many
external factors that make you not feel like that.
So just a reminder that
you don't have to play into that system. You
don't have to let that system make you feel bad. And specifically for
me, thinking about working with this old client and how
perhaps they're workaholics and they work a lot. And
not as a negative thing or saying it
to bring them down sort of way, but more so recognizing that they
have workaholic patterns. And just because I don't want to play into those
workaholic patterns doesn't mean I'm less than them or. Or doesn't mean that
I'm not enough or not
worthy enough for them or less than in any
way. And yeah, just A constant
reminder of myself for that, because I think that's really hard to
remember, especially when you're kind of in a moment of
depression or falling into depression.
But. But, yeah, a reminder
that we have to choose what we want
for our own lives and what works for us. And
there's a guy, Graham Cochran, that I've mentioned before on the podcast, and he
teaches business, and he was kind of the first person that I
ever heard say, you don't have to work
more. His whole philosophy and ethos is working
less and spending more time with your family and spending more time
living. And that's truly
such an opposite thing. Again, opposite thing
for our society is to work less or to try to work less,
because that just has this inherent, you're lazy or
you're not good enough. It's like thinking about working less
is. Yeah, it seems like you're doing something wrong by doing
that. Saying you want to work less
seems like there's something wrong. There's lots of judgments coming into my head as soon
as I say that. But he was kind of the first person that I
looked up to that was like, hey, I want to work less. I don't want
to be a workaholic. I don't want to work my whole life away and
waste years go by. I want to work smarter. I want to be able
to work less. I want to be able to set myself up to provide for
my family and support, but also not work as a means
to an end, to keep going.
It doesn't have to be like that. So that was the first thing that I
think I want to address, is remembering that we live in a capitalist society
and our worth is often
valued based off of what we accomplish. So the second
one is that when you're comparing
yourself and you're looking at others and you're like, why can't I keep up? I'm
looking at my client. I'm like, why am I slowing down? And why. Why can
she just always seem to operate at peak capacity?
That's my perspective right now. Everyone isn't always
fine, and I think it's hard to remember that everyone isn't always
fine all the time. And it's easy, especially
with social media and all that kind of stuff, to see
people's best sides and best faces and to think that they're
always okay and nobody's always okay, especially
with. With struggling with mental health and stuff. A lot of us struggle
with mental health. Probably all of us at some point have struggled with
mental health. And just because you're struggling with it right now, and you're
looking at somebody, you're comparing yourself to somebody who's not doesn't mean that
they don't struggle. Maybe you're struggling today and they're struggling
tomorrow, but you don't see when they struggle. And often people don't share when they
struggle. So it's hard to see examples of that. It's hard to
see that others also struggle because we hide it and we try to
keep it to ourselves and we try to pretend like we're okay. Which is
another reason for this podcast, is like, I want to confront these things. I want
to talk about these things because it's okay to feel like
that. It's okay to feel depressed. It's okay to
not always be okay. And yeah,
just a reminder, and I'm speaking to myself, too, just
such a reminder to myself that everyone always isn't fine.
And when you keep your suffering and your struggling to yourself,
it's very isolating. And your brain makes you
think that you're the only one suffering. You're the only one struggling with this. You're
the only one who can't get over being sad or get over this
thing. And yeah, again, not true.
Those aren't true thoughts. We all struggle. And,
and third thing, this brings me to the third thing is,
and this is the one thing you can really do, is to speak it out
loud. To speak the thoughts in your head out loud. And
with a close friend or a therapist or a significant other, family
member, brother, whatever, hopefully you have somebody in your life
that you can have these honest conversations with. Because when you do speak these
things out loud, they lose all of
the weight that they feel when they're in your head
and you don't share them. And when you speak them, it's
become so much more obvious that, oh, this is
kind of a crazy thought. It's
interesting that my brain came to that. And I do want to make clear
the feelings of feeling depression are totally valid.
And, you know, you're allowed to have these feelings and
you should experience these feelings, but the thoughts and the conclusions that your
brain comes to isn't always correct. So by saying them
out loud and saying these thoughts out loud, you can realize how almost
silly they sound. And therefore they become
not scary anymore. They become not fearful or sad or
full of this negative energy. Just for a quick example,
I mean, I was, I had a
conversation with my significant other and I was
talking about my day. And, like, it was really kind of the turning point in
my day Because I was able to express how I was feeling. And like, I
remember saying one thing, like, I felt bad
for. In the context of, you know, having to pick up my
parents and see them, I felt bad for feeling bad. And
I'm like, that's such a crazy thing to tell myself.
I'm allowed to not always be 100%.
And yeah, it made me more
self aware of how I'm
thinking about something and how I'm struggling through
the day. And that's like a crazy
expectation to always be 100% when you see
someone so that they, they can be happy. And that's an unfair
weight to put on yourself. So by speaking these things
out loud and especially through therapy and with somebody who's trained
in mental health and
has different languages to put voices to,
it can become so helpful to
recognize what you're doing to yourself. And being like, that's not fair to
me. Like, I'm allowed to go up to my parents and be like, I'm having
a shitty day. And you know, that is what
it is. And I don't have to show up and I don't have to show
up in the way that I'm pressuring myself to. So.
So yeah, speaking them out loud can really help to
make them feel less and to also kind of see where
your brain is like kind of tricking yourself and where these thoughts
aren't necessarily true. So really,
really invaluable to be able to speak those things
and. Yeah, and just to realize that wherever
you're at, you're making progress and you're showing
up the best you can and that's enough. And if the best
you can today is doing nothing,
that's okay because some days you need that,
some days you need to just stop everything. And
yeah, listening to yourself, trying to listen to what you need. And
yeah, one last thing that is associated with this last
one, speaking your thoughts. My therapist always says this phrase that
what's shareable is bearable. So meaning
that if you can share something, it makes it easier
to. It makes it easier to
live with it. That's a bad way of saying,
makes it easier to go on. It makes it easier
to not have to just keep it to yourself by sharing it with other
people. It lessens the load that you're then carrying.
And you can also, like I said, kind of see where it's. Maybe
your brain's kind of lying to you. Um, but
yeah, just wanted to say that. So
hopefully, hopefully this was helpful. I do feel it
was a bit all over the place. But you know, it's, it's hard to talk
about like negative feelings. And you know, I
know I'm not the only one with these feelings, so I'm trying the best that
I can to articulate them and to, to talk about what helped me through
them. And yeah, hopefully it was helpful.
But. But yeah, just reminder that
when you feel like you can't keep up,
likely it's a comparison and it's not
true and there's nothing wrong with you. And
that's the end of the story that there's nothing wrong with you.
Although it feels like that sometimes there's nothing wrong with you.
Yeah, I'll leave it at that. As always, you can
download my free PDF guide to
softening your inner critic. If you struggle with a harsh inner critic
like me, hopefully you can download this guide in
any episode. The link is out there everywhere and
hopefully it'll help you to be a little bit kinder to yourself. And it's a
seven day sort of program where
you spend less than 30 minutes a day for seven days and by the end
of it, hopefully you have learned some things to be a little bit
kinder to yourself. So if you're interested in that, links in the description, links in
the show notes and I will see you on another episode
real soon. Thank you for being here. I appreciate all you.
Sat.