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When an American submarine is mysteriously destroyed, all evidence points to the return of Godzilla, and an investigative journalist sets out to cover the story.
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Creators and Guests
What is Cinema PSYOPS?
Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
Hello, and welcome to the whatever number episode of Cinema Psyops. I'm your host, Cort, the guy that really is not looking forward to reading the title of the movie we're doing the commentary on tonight. So I'm going to try and have my illiterate
Alright, let's see here. All out attacked. I did it.
I just kidding. It's Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah. Giant monster orgy. I'm sorry, all out attack. All out attack. Not an orgy. It's not an orgy.
The title's long enough. Jesus fucking.
It's Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah.
Yeah.
attack.
All out, all life and out.
That's a long that's that's a lot.
Just like Vaney Cock, it's a mouthful.
It's a good thing.
Oh folks, if you thought the last commentary was just
shitty and full of dick references. You haven't seen shit yet. I I got a feeling there's a lot of vadey cock talk happening today. So if you're into vadey cock talk This is the review for you, the the the commentary for you.
We were just upstairs, we took a little bit of a break between these and this last week and this week's uh commentary and I told my wife that we were making the chumbawumba tub thumper joke about Godzilla getting knocked down.
She was very disappointed in me.
Yeah, and she was like, Come on.
Uh that's good. I don't know.
It's deg dad humor.
Comedy's, you know. Yeah, well, I mean, we're of age. I am a father. You could be a father. We don't know.
Yeah.
I was very careful about making sure that I was not
Oh okay.
Hold on.
Punch yourself in the nuts a lot or
We had a microwave that didn't have very good shielding. It was crotch level.
Nothing nothing nothing nothing stirring in the sack.
No yeah, I just definitely made sure that I
Yeah. Yeah, no, you counted down, you pulled out boom.
Baby battery goes everywhere but the vagina.
Oh Jesus, we need to stop this now. We have an hour and forty five minutes of idiotic bullshit that we're gonna do.
The sprinkler.
Jesus Christ. I'm gonna have to bring back clips to get you to stop.
All right, so we're doing Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah giant monsters all.
Ball out attack.
We've got the regular Blu-ray version that was released in around the twenty fourteen Godzilla era that uh Sony did, and that's we're on the black screen at the start of the movie, so three, two, one, and click.
Here we go.
It's getting everywhere.
Ah! TriStar! I missed that TriStar beginning.
So Columbia bought TriStar. Uh-huh. Or no, Sony owned TriStar. Yeah. And then Columbia and Sony teamed up.
Okay.
Because Columbia TriStar like TriStar was a Columbia company, I thought. So maybe that's like TriStar got bought up or started by Columbia, but then when Sony bought Columbia, it's now Sony's.
Either way I love that Tri Star and it just always you're gonna get to see some good shit when you saw Tristar.
You could not see these unless it was on cable. It was really hard to get a lot of this era of Godzilla movies like the nineties in this era. That's interesting. Unless you bootlegged them. Way way back when.
Yeah. So are we supposed to forget the last movie happened uh yeah. Okay.
Just like everything else, the nineteen fifty four Godzilla happened, and then this movie is a direct sequel all of these years later.
Gotcha.
Holy shit, look at the sausage party in this room.
Yeah, don't try and find a through line for any of these two thousand era millennial Godzilla.
I'm just saying, uh could you maybe mix in a woman in this group? I mean a little diversity never killed anybody.
See, it actually has a lot of people.
Diversity, equality, and in Inclusive.
Uh-huh. Let's see how you finish this sentence out.
That kills people.
Okay.
The more different people are.
Where's it?
Sure.
The more equal people are, the more they die.
Of old age and happiness.
Prepare for a new sp-
Look at Jesus Christ. Yeah, look at it. Look at this. Not a Oh, I think I saw a woman in the background there.
There will be one plucky woman with giant ears to help with that.
Oh god.
Just like the last movie.
As long as they're smelly.
I think that's our heroine.
She knew what's up.
She was like, you know, in two in a couple decades there gonna be these two jackasses who are gonna be sexualizing ears out of here.
It's gonna make everyone really uncomfortable.
This is the deep sea sub Setsuma.
Satsuma
Isn't that like a little orange?
Yeah, no, I mean it's it's a close. Yeah, but or maybe
Fuck.
Satsuma, is it Satsuma?
Yeah, they're like
I know I know exactly I just don't know if it's I know it's close.
Yeah, they're they're like similar to an orange, is what I'm saying. The skin looks the same and they're about the same size.
No, I think you're right.
It's like a citrusy fruit, but it's sort of like a smaller one.
Doctor had one in his pocket after he regenerated.
Yeah,'cause it was um
Found it in the little rope'cause uh Friend like snacks.
Yeah, the guy that slept over. Yeah, he liked to keep snacks in his pocket and he had satsumas in his
Yeah, okay, yeah.
He thought it was brilliant.
And then he used it to kill the guy.
Well yeah, no second chances. He's that sort of man.
That's the sort of man I am.
I think the audience would much prefer we talk about and quote Doctor Who than just talk about Beaney Dixon obsessed over ears sexually.
Well, you know what? Sometimes you get the good and sometimes you get the bad and there you have the facts of life.
Unfortunately with this podcast all you get is the bad.
Typically. I mean we did do some good there with uh some Doctor Who shit.
You might get some ugly, but You never really get much good with us.
So you get a lot of ugly.
It's a disproportionate amount of
It's the best.
Speaking of ugly, look at this title.
Oh my god.
That's kind of a superimposition that they're doing here.
No. But see God they got all the R's and trademarks next to the names there because you know
Yes. This is Godzilla Skin Touch.
Just true.
Registered, gotcha.
R is registered.
Yeah, I knew that one. Yeah.
And then the copyright is just the C.
Yeah. Patton Patton Patton Patton Patton Patton
Wow, this synthesizer has convinced me that this is very dangerous.
Well that's your King Ghidorah texture right there.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm not even gonna try to pronounce those words'cause I'm thinking it will make me race.
Yeah, I was just gonna think the same thing.
Yeah, no. Wait.
That cameraman's really shaky.
What what the hell are they doing?
Oh, do you remember in the nineties when sensationalized TV was like a shotgun thing?
Yeah.
They are sensationalized T V.
Gotcha.
Hard copy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, like that.
They try and do the Blair Witch project.
No.
But
No, they're not doing that.
No. They're doing uh yeah, inside edition.
No, it's more like the history channel at night when everything's alien.
Oh yeah. Aliens. It's like what TLC when it went to my six hundred pound life and you know, little chocolatiers instead of, you know, actually the learning channel.
Right. They're going out to investigate haunted forests and then faking footage for sensational ideas. Gotcha. Yeah, that's what they're doing here.
So they're the ghost adventurers of that time.
Yes, only they're not like, you know, Zack Baggin's douchebaggery.
No. No no one is on that level of douchebaggery as Zach Bagins is.
He's always picking fights with ghosts. He is.
He is, because you know, he's an idiot.
He's always like puffing his chest out at an intangible thing that no one can see.
Ed Hardy shirts.
Douchiest ghost hunters ever.
I almost went to his museum.
Yeah, I mean at least that would be cool.
Yeah.
There is haunted shit there. I mean you can be into that, not into Zack Bagan.
Right. But then I realized that I would be giving money to Zach Baggins to cover that.
That's fucking true.
And I was like, yeah, I won't do that.
That no.
Also it was a long drive.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Where is it?
Uh it's in it's off the strip from where away from where we were staying.
Uh oh, see, look at this creepy motherfucker.
It was one of those things where I was like, Well, if I'm gonna go that far away, I'd rather go to like Fremont Street'cause I'll get More freakish like visions for me.
You're gonna get nuns who have black tape over their nipples.
And sometimes none.
Fremont Street's fun.
It's an experience.
It is.
Yeah. This old couple's about to get down.
Yeah, man.
Uh oh, Hooligan's on mobile.
Watch out for the hooligans on Mopo.
couple just wanted to like, you know, get clapped in the cheeks and all. The f is that the clan? The fuck are they wearing?
This is what Japanese tufts look like.
Oh okay.
Apparently they dress like Ghostbusters.
That guy's wearing pink, so you know he's tough.
You know, is that and they have a hard hat.
Instead of a bike helmet.
Uh oh. Uh oh.
There's this whole thing with like guardian statues in this and the guardians that are going to save the world from like some horror or whatever. Um this is nothing to do with anything kind of Godzilla related.
Okay. I just can't wait for all these kids to die.
And all these guys are about to die like now.
That that's w is the only thing I want.
Yeah, you hear that?
Ooh. Yes. Aha, you fell off your bike, pussies.
Yeah.
This truck driver knows not to step in there.
Aha, you're all getting crushed to death. That's what you get for interrupting an old couple's booty time.
If you pay attention, I'm pretty sure you'll see a Godzilla foot in here.
Hello?
Yep, there's the head.
See what I s see what I mean is that eyes are all dead. This is the zombie Godzilla.
But there was an urban.
Look at this guy's hair.
He looks like he works for the national lampoon.
No, th I think there actually was a writer for the National Lampoon that had like super long hair like that but always wore those really formal suits. Yeah, yeah.
What you saw him smoking, so you had to take a hit?
No, I just remembered what's coming up in the movie and I wanted to take a look at the This one's fucking weird, dude.
Like, this Godzilla is the original Godzilla that was killed in nineteen fifty four, uh-huh, but has been supernaturally somehow reserv I'm not reading this, is it from memory from what I think of the story is?
Yeah.
has somehow been supernaturally resurrected by the souls of the Chinese that were tormented and imprisoned by the Japanese, like in internment camps and things and slaughtered.
Uh-huh. It's like the souls are coming back for revenge on Japan by resurrecting the corpse of the nineteen fifty four Godzilla.
Uh-huh
Yeah, I think.
Oh fuck, I hope you're just really high right now.
Also, um That uh the guardian monsters are Mothra and King Ghidorah who has always been a villain has now somehow become a guardian monster here to protect her.
Yeah. And then another monster that we don't really ever see except for this movie named Baragon. And Baragon's fucking adorable.
Okay.
Yeah. And I'll I'll have to play some footage of this, but the lady who is in the suit for Barragon does the roar in the suit and it's behind the scenes footage that you get to see of her like doing her roar noise. It's so fucking adorable.
Alright.
They're for the actual money.
Yeah, I like understand that.
But when like her hearing her roar inside the suit is fucking adorable.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, it's under control. You know when everybody ever says in a movie it's under control, it's never under control.
Yeah. I've seen Return of the Living Dead, I know not to trust the military.
Jesus Christ. Yeah. I've seen life, so I know not to trust the military.
I've seen broadly gestures to his entire existence. Yeah, yeah. I know not to trust my government or the military.
I'm not allowed to make the program.
You ever eaten on one of those where you put your own meat on and cook it like that?
Uh Korean barbecue. I have.
I like it.
Yeah.
Hey there!
It's kind of like even more work than fondue, so it's a little bit more rewarding. Yeah. But you get to choose your own like sauces you.
But fondue is fun when it's cheese fondue.
Of course you're Wisconsin, I think.
Polish sausage into cheese fondue.
Hey, I found a place that actually brings in Wisconsin cheese curds.
Really?
Yeah, the family fair up the street from my house.
Yeah, the family fair my house brings in Wisconsin cheese curds. Yep.
We've just bought like a whole shitload of them. Yeah.
Now you deep fried those motherfuckers.
Yeah.
I would I would probably I would probably bread them with uh almond flour or something.
Yeah, and now my fatness is getting heavy breathing.
I don't know, I now that I'm thinking about it we should bring those out and let'em get to room temperature and then have the squeak one month.
No, people people will fucking lose their mind hearing people chew.
So now ruffians are trashing this uh
Oh, well I hope these ruffians die.
You're gonna really want them to die when you see what they do to the dog.
You better fucking not Oh and there's another protection thing.
Why are they hating so much?
Japanese youth is adrift, Matt.
Yeah.
They have nothing.
I'll get rid of him for you.
Okay, so my language is getting more flowery.
What are they doing with the dog?
Watch out for the shot!
I assure you the dog will be just fine, but you do have to watch some uncomfortable moments beforehand.
I don't like anybody in this movie and I want everyone to die.
There's a reason why the spirit of Godzilla comes back to hurt these people.
Yay! They're killing these kids! I think they fell overboard. Ha ha ha ha!
What the hell's up?
What's the matter, can you? See, and this is those moments where I root for what is supposed to be the bad guy of the film.
Well here's the thing, these are the guardian monsters. These are the good guys that are attacking
This is even Godzilla?
No, this isn't even Godzilla, these are the good guys.
Like this is Mothra.
Thank God Mothra's here.
Mothra saved the dog and drowned the kid.
It's Mothra before it turns into Mothra though.
A mothra larva is still moth.
Uh okay, I just didn't know if it was like full on, but no, it's the larva, gotcha.
When you say full on, do you mean like full on or do you mean like
Fall on.
Hold on, Mothra.
Oh she is hammer drunk. Hi.
That's her dad.
Oh I I uh Just brought it back to home.
Did you already have your way with her?
No. No ways were had.
Продолжение следует...
I had to do that once uh
Uh a former supervisor of mine. She uh she was younger, you know, and uh she had just broken up with her boyfriend.
And she's like, Matt, you go out and drink a lot, don't you? And I go, Well, it's uncomfortable that this many people know this about me, but yes, yes, I do. And she goes,
You say a former supervisor of yours?
Yeah.
Who knew that you like to go out to drink so much so that when they were looking to get hammered, they were looking for someone to take care of them. Yeah. And they thought you were the best choice.
And I was.
She goes.
Are you going out? And I go, tonight. And I go, Yeah, that that was kind of the plan. She goes, I want to go out with you.
Okay, I go, but if you don't go out a lot, I just don't try to keep up drinking with like me. She goes, Why? And I go, because it won't end well for you. Well, unfortunately she did not listen. And she got tanked drunk.
And then I'm having to drop her off at her apartment.
And she had uh bought a brothel of tequila as well. We were pregaming at a friend's apartment.
So now here I am, her slung over my shoulder as I'm trying to get up these stairs. I have a bottle of tequila in my hand. Open up, get to the hallway where her door is, and there is her ex-boyfriend.
A giant muscle man sitting on the floor and I'm like
Oh, this is so not what you think it is. That's the only thing I can think. I'm like he's like, uh-huh, and I go, here, just take her. I'm done. She's with people.
I'm I'm out. And he goes, I'll follow you home and make sure you get home okay. And I'm like, oh, that is not necessary. And he goes, no, I insist. So he's behind me. So I call one of my friends who was out with us.
He just got home and he goes, Yay, what do you need? I go, Hey, I need you to be at my house. I need you to head there now.
And he goes, Why? And I kinda explained things. He goes, Oh yeah, fuck, I'll get there. Now that guy seriously did just follow me home. He wanted to make sure I got home.'Cause you know, he didn't wasn't aware of my tolerance. He thought he thought I was like everyone else.
You know you're from Wisconsin.
Yeah, exactly. So I get home, he keeps driving, he waves, I'm like, Oh then my friend came up and goes Ah, so nothing happened. He goes, Nope, he goes, Oh.
And y he had fucking baseball bats in his car and shit. He was kidding he's like, Oh, well, what do we do now? And I go, Oh, wanna get more drunk? And he goes, Yeah, all right. Sh
He had blue balls in his vibe.
You'll be surprised about which one it was too.
And can you describe what you're saying?
Yes, it was like the fin of a huge creature.
This would have definitely been a clip in the old days.
It was Godzilla.
Especially Godzilla movies, all of the dialogue that explains everything. Yeah. Like why repeat that?
Yeah, no. Why do I need to do this?
It's in the dialogue.
I only have so many words before my breath is taken and I die.
I've been using a lot of them.
Couldn't Godzilla have picked on some other country?
This board room.
The boardroom meetings in these even if this film is about as frustrating as the ones in Not literally the the horror of Shin Godzilla was the inaction of the government.
No, we'll just wait and see what happens.
Jim Henson took a wait and see approach.
No we have wrong sounds.
Didn't you steal that from family?
Yeah, it's definitely stolen from family guys.
I only know that joke because you fucking say it all.
I like uh like like food and junk. Waka waka Holy shit.
When we did the reviews uh I did when I did the reviews with Dan
Have you visited our website?
Uh he was making a joke about how this old guy actually got arrested for whacking it in the forest.
Holy shit.
Yeah. It was it was some funny shit.
He was whacking it in the fork.
Not heard the review.
I did it with this hand. This is the wacked hand.
D's weaving it in front of the hole so she can have the smell.
Just think a large thick beatty cock was right in his hand. And then I jerked myself off.
Uh-huh.
Wait a thousand years.
Yeah, here we go. The Guardian stuff. Thousand year old dragon is Getora.
They can stop him!
What is that? A Canadian dubber, a boat?
Boot yeah.
Ghidorah's a thousand year old dragon.
So Ghidorah's gonna be a good guy now.
Yeah, it's fucking weird, man.
And Godzilla's the bad guy. Yes.
Because Godzilla is raised from the dead.
But Japanese.
Chinese that died or Chinese that died in internment camps.
You gotta you gotta not say this again.
Concentration camps that were run by the Japanese.
It's the collective guilt of the Japanese people that has raised this Godzilla to punish them.
For allowing such atrocities.
Listen man, if you're not gonna take this seriously.
It's in I swear it's in the plot. It's in the plot. That's part of the plot. They say it later on. Hopefully we will catch it and we will not just be making dick jokes when they're doing that.
I mean I can't make a problem.
I'm I'm not looking good.
I don't think it's gonna happen.
Listen, when the old man put his hand up and it seemed like a really emotional moment, we talked about how that was his dick stroking hand and he wanted to give the lady a smell.
A little whiff of some prime penis.
It's disappear.
Up they hear a matra.
I'm not gonna try and pronounce that.
Nope.
Islands.
The Bonin Islands. Maybe. Maybe.
Bonin, yeah, she said bonin.
Yeah, look at that.
I know I'd like to go to those islands to do some boning.
Damn! It's a bone in Island.
I prefer my islands deep.
Deeper. Yeah, but I thought
But it wasn't that poor creature's fault. How on earth could they do so? That's what I say after the greatest. Uh oh.
This Godzilla is also malicious and specifically targets hurting people and killing them.
Good.
Kind of like the Godzilla in minus zero that was targeting buildings and stomping on specific groups of people.
An earthquake.
Oh man, it's gonna get piss everywhere. What's up pissy?
I apologize for that amount of smoke.
Jesus Christ, man.
Ah, Ray but he was taking a leak.
Worse time to get stomped on.
He died doing what he loved, having his dick in his hand.
Yeah, here they're talking about something important.
any weapons.
There we go. This animal contains the restless souls of the countless people who perished during the terrible battles that took place during the Pacific Conflict.
They're souls.
This is weirding out hairman here.
His toop is getting ready to fall off.
Everything he's told us was written in this book.
Okay, so all the people that died in the wars in the Pacific Islands. Yeah.
The Pacific conflict. He means World War Two. Never mind.
So it's definitely the concentration camps the Japanese.
Put the Chinese in.
And other people.
And also American soldiers that were there.
What? I have deemed it preferable to forget.
So the Japanese don't feel enough shame for the horrible things that they did.
对啊
Therefore the people that have suffered.
All right then.
But it's a living creature now, but it's living because the souls of the dead that died in the Pacific conflict. World War two.
Because of the Japanese have now risen to punish the Japanese.
Albus Roger.
This is now the fifth time you told me this?
This is their plot line.
The movie itself just told you that.
I know. I d I'm not saying you're lying. I believed you the first time you said it.
Okay, so it's just that it's so ridiculous.
It's just so ridiculous that I'm just gonna sit here and stare at you because I don't wanna think about it.
You're giving me a very indignant look.
Yeah, well I'm pretty fucking indignant.
You're like a flat earther that I've just tried to convince the world is round with actual science and facts.
And you're just rejecting it.
Maybe there's a way for them to be
You're being a flat earther about this problem.
I'm not, I'm not. I believe everything you're saying. Yeah. I believe it.
It's just so fucking ridiculous. But I do believe it.
You believe it's in the story.
I believe this is the story.
It's just ridiculous.
It's just fucking ridiculous.
Fair. Alright. It's not that you are making me indignant, it's the movies making me indignant.
Did you expect a film called Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah, colon, giant monsters all dash out attack to make logical sense?
No, I didn't.
But I also did expect Godzilla to be powered.
By the tortured souls of the Chinese.
You this guy here has heard us talk enough and now he's gone to a suicide forest.
Why you screaming you wanted to die? What you what
Not like this, Matt. Not like this.
like that.
I wanted to die, but not like
Yes.
Yeah.
Why god damn, you're gonna die, man. Why are you bitching so much?
'Cause I believe this method is a bit more painful than what he was hoping.
Fuck it, you know.
Just take what you get and don't throw a fit. You know what I mean? You get what you want.
We get what we get and we don't get upset.
That's right.
From uh happy.
Yeah, mine was uh the y you get what you get, you don't throw a fit. That's from my son's kindergarten.
Fuck it, lord.
Uh
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I would think so.
Get me back to the hanging tree!
That is something I've heard you say on regular occasions.
Oh man, this movie's not making much sense, Matt.
No shit, Cork.
Maybe this guy will explain some stuff to us.
issued a security bulletin for all areas around the coast of Japan.
Godzilla Godzilla's coming He's gonna kill us all Godzilla Come on, father. At least you could do it. They wrapped her in tinfoil. What could I do?'Cause she's so crazy.
It's a space blanket.
You are in a baked potato.
They could have like taken the foil and made it into the shape of a goose.
You know, something I was just thinking about, uh'cause I just saw you stroking your beard. And uh so first I got hard and then it made me think, uh, well we were laughing uh and your name came up.
I was hanging out with two other friends on Thursday. One that just came into town from uh uh the town over from us. Yeah. And uh so we uh me and my other friend who uh worked together, we decided to meet up with him'cause they went to college together for a couple of beers and
We were like in the different stages of beard. Because at the time I had a goatee that was a little bit longer. It was a little bit bushier of a goatee. I had that.
The other friend, he has a full silver beard like Santa Claus. And the friend who came into town, he really doesn't have anything on the mustache, but it's thick on the chin, so he's got the Amish beard. I go we got the Amish, Santa
And then guy who makes a video in his truck'cause the world's changing and he's mad about it. We're just missing court with the wizard beard and he would have been a wizard here. We would have had all stages of beard.
Yeah, when I actually fully brush my beard out and like hot brush it it gives off serious evil wizard vibes.
Yeah, now I've I've shaved off the the goatee part and now I've just got a mustache with a heavy stubble.
You you look like you could be an ice agent.
Ja, ich weiß.
You're unkempt is what I And also mayonnaise.
At this point we all look like we could be ice agents.
That's gross.
It's just as long as you're white and out of shape, you can you too can work for the federal government.
Can you stop playing footsie with me underneath here? What the fuck are you doing, man?
I'm trying to get you to stop talking.
I people that's the whole fucking point of this.
I know, that's a commentary, but I also want you to just shut up.
I mean if you just want to watch movies, we can watch movies.
Maybe we should just do that. We'll just sit here and silence.
Just release the audio of the movie.
You are a high as fuck.
No, it could work. It's like an anti commentary.
No it doesn't work.
Plagiarism in that.
What's the sign of that?
It's not really plagiarism. You're playing their own words. They're speaking it. It's not like you're dumbing over it.
Copyright in front of you.
Yeah, yeah, pretty much there it is.
Straight up here's the audio of the movie.
Oh my god.
Worst commentary sets.
Yeah, so far.
It's just so far. It's just Godzilla movie with two guys having preed into a microphone.
There's that and then you telling a story without giving any friends' names away.
Yeah.
I know, yeah, no, that was th midway through that story I'm like, this is horrific.
Should've at least done like person A, person B, then B.
We could have probably prepared uh you know and talked about this, but that's the actual coverage of the movies we've already done. I just want you to be able to see these and this is the easiest way for you to get
See him.
Yeah.
This this must be back in nineteen fifty four, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, here's a kid telling his story.
Lost his parents to Godzilla here.
Blah blah wine wine, who hasn't lost their parents to Godzilla?
Anyone in America?
Thank you.
Hey, Godzilla. Two thousand was a thing.
That's send a report urgently.
Matthew Broderick Godzilla did not exist.
Gotcha.
Underground.
We're just totally retconning that, huh?
Not in this universe it doesn't exist.
Gotcha.
Not even ready.
The last Godzilla that started this millennium series was a direct response to how bad that Godzilla was.
And how upset Toa was that they made it.
Also out there really, really pushing this idea of guardian monsters.
Yeah.
At this point, the storyline is essentially Final Fantasy VII, where the Earth is releasing its own materia based creatures to
Monster.
Get a fucking kaiju around here?
How long you people gonna fucking edge me before I get some kaiju action?
Well, how long do we have left?
We are only thirty four minutes into this, we have an hour and ten minutes left.
I really thought you were gonna say we're about twenty minutes into the thing, so thirty four minutes is way better than what I thought we were at. But I mean once we're in this room, time has no meaning anymore.
No, we're just trapped in the story of that.
Yeah.
Exactly the same.
There is no time. There's no family. You mean no love. Just the movie.
In that cave on the ground. I tell you, it had a horrible head on it. That guy's like bent over the fucking counter to like yell at the cop.
I'm telling you it's true.
Should've listened. Shoulda listened.
They never listen.
So since this is a
Are they all taking shits again?
Yeah. Since since this is a direct
Whoa, that's pretty good.
Yeah, since this is a direct sequel to nine fifteen fifty four Godzilla, they also don't know what other creatures are, other kaiju,'cause no other kaijus have showed up. Uh so all of them they refer to as Godzilla.
Okay.
So it's gonna get really confusing.
So okay, so it's pretty much like my story about the beards. Kind of. Okay, gotcha. See, uh everything intertwines. This commentary is not nearly as bad as you think it is.
Confusing as your story about that is see this is actually Baradon, but they call it Red Godzilla for a while.
Okay.
Which is very confusing. And Barragon is adorable.
Yeah, there's a tiny little lady in the actual suit.
That's hilarious. Yeah.
And every time that roars, that's you just picture her going, It's so fucking cute.
Yeah, Barricade's adorable. Look at those little ears.
Uh we're back to the Yeah.
What is it?
I didn't know that we had a fetish for ears.
Which just gave us something to talk about.
Their ears were big enough for us to hang jokes on them.
Golden retriever ears right there the monster though. Like this is different. This is about the not but the kink. It's more but you know, like when a golden retriever's like, did I just hear my name and their fucking ears perk up?
Yeah, Barragon's kinda hard to feel bad about.
Barragon's one of the uh guardian.
Yeah, he just wants a number.
Who wants belly rubs?
I would so love to give Barragon some belly runs.
Although that'd be a lot of work.
Yeah.
You have to basically do snow angels for it to do anything.
Kaiju is basically a danger pet.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm not trying to pr pronounce any of that either.
Yeah.
He'll soon be back in part.
Продолжение следует...
Right Godzilla's at Gutenbach.
Thank God I quit smoking. These last two movies would have been murdering me for cigarettes.
Get the lines ready.
Yeah, there was a lot of smoking in nineties movies.
Yeah, a lot. A lot, a lot. A lot, a lot.
They tried to make it sexy. Yeah. Quentin Tarantino really fetishized smoking and a lot of
I mean everyone did. Everyone it like from the m late eight
check it out check it out
I love this. Big wave pops up and no, it's just Godzilla emerging.
Oh nice.
The water not getting out of the way fast enough.
It's a really well-done transition.
Underbelly shot of Godzilla. And there's the ship that was in the water.
So this compositing's not as cool.
So now they did not go with the Godzilla From the last movie.
Because this is the corpse of the Godzilla from fifty four Resurrected, so they made him look a little more like that. But then they zombified him a little bit.
Thank you.
I really like this design though. This is a very cool design. I have a lot of action figures. Like I have like I think two different versions of this Godzilla from action figure.
Oh nice.
I think I really like it.
Um but it's just i i it's not enough to get a tattoo of it.
Yeah.
I like the other guy.
No, the other one's better. Yeah.
Cause I need to have some pink.
Uh he wants to raise the guardian spirit, so he's going to desecrate this script.
He's gonna find a different part of the forest to jerk off in.
First he's gonna knock over the stack.
With his jerk in hand.
Yeah, that's a strong hand.
Strong head, the jerking head.
So uh we took our cats into the vets?
And we had the vet text trim our cat's nail.
Oh okay.
And one of the one of the vet techs whenever it was time to trim Mika's nails was like, I cannot believe how strong this cat is.
Yeah. They were like, She is so strong. She was fighting so much and she and the Vettec couldn't hold her.
And I was like, you know, we do this thing called wrestle pets that she loves when she trusts us. She loves to be held, like where she has to force her way to escape from you. Uh-huh. And the more you hold onto her and the more she has to fight to escape.
And they're like, Yeah, that's weight training for her. No wonder she's so strong
Ha ha ha.
Like that's like it's it's her favourite thing.
Yeah, that's how she she loves to try and escape from your grip.
Nice. This lady.
Remember I said he specifically targeted people? Yep. Yeah, l This is fucking great.
Already broke her leg.
This composite is really cool.
That looks really good.
The way they cut back and forth between her and a stage and then that mom.
That's a lot.
Walking in front of the window of the model with that shot.
You think so?
And then this happens.
Oh shit Fucking A Godzilla that's some fucking grade egg trolling
He is vindictive in this, yeah.
All fighter units are on red alert. Ready to go, sir. Is there time?
That man has no shape. That was a children's w-
There's a great lizard outside! Evacuate the shop immediately! Get out of here! Evacuate?
It's just a legend!
Oh my god, you know how much those eggs are?
It's like fifteen dollars an egg she just dropped.
Nowadays.
Currency now.
It's getting expensive enough I'm thinking about installing a small moving coop in my backyard.
Yeah.
Yeah, my wife's been talking about getting chickens. I'm like, the fuck? We don't know anything about raising no chickens.
So do you or do you not know nothing about birthing no baby?
I don't know nothing about birthday no babies.
Oh yeah, look, his eyes whited out.
Yeah, he's zombie.
Yeah.
I do like the way that they have the spines light up like the last couple of movies. Yeah. And then the particles coming in to make the atomic breath.
And then also there's the
Uh oh.
So this Godzilla has such a powerful atomic breath blast that it also creates a mushroom cloud.
So Godzilla minus zero references this as well.
There you go.
Yeah. I think what they're trying to say is that the Jap the Japan the Japanese people deserve the atomic bomb in that scene.
Yeah, this is a really transgressive Godzilla.
Japanese people made this, so there's some s real self loathing going on here. Yeah. Yeah.
Weird. Weird self-loathing.
It's like the kind of movies that are gonna get made in America after all the bullshit we're going through.
Yeah, and we're still alive for it, man. The amount of films that will come out just self-lothy people. Go on. I'm sure it will.
It's going to be like nineteen fifties German sim.
It's gonna get real bleak.
We're oblique where we don't deserve anything.
The thing about this Godzilla is that the softer the cushion, the sweeter the pushing, or so I have read.
The thicker the waistband, the deeper the quicksand.
Thick. Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. Yes, sir.
Right.
Talk about bum cakes, my girls got it.
How can we rip?
But can we be sure?
I like a thick bottom guts.
They say fat bottom Godzilla make the world go round.
Get on your bikes and ride.
Ha ha ha.
Oh we're about to finally get a monster fight.
Finally.
Finally What what hour are we in here?
We are forty-four minutes into this before we got an actual monster fight.
All right.
Oh no, he's not mean. He's just a big guy. Look at him wiggle out down there.
Do you think he's more adorable because he's on all fours?
But quite cute.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Maybe.
I just think they made him kinda derpy and cute looking.
Yeah, I agree. It's the ears, man. It's those floppy goddamn Uh oh.
Godzilla has the high ground barricade.
That is a scary looking Godzilla by the way with the white out eyes.
Well he's resurrected from the souls of all the people that
Thank you.
He's just filled with rage and evil and hate.
It really takes away from your enjoyment of this.
I'm trying to do some call me breathing right now.
It just sounds like a sweaty dude who's out of breath.
That too.
Man, these suits are fucking great though.
And the model work detail has been incredible.
Godzilla's like you are fucking adorable. What are you? What is going on with you?
Him walking through and I mean right the fuck through that hillside also looked incredible.
Yeah.
Look at that. That little model of a helicopter, both of them, they look really well done.
Yeah, we're great.
Really believable.
More believable than this fucking story.
I'll stop mentioning that he's resurrected from the souls to stop bumming you out.
Thank you.
That might be the last one.
I can't make any promises. If I need to do something to get a commentary sparked I'm gonna do it.
Yeah, I mean you gotta gotta do it. Why do you think I keep going back to thick baby cock so much?
Internalized homophobia because of your self loathing?
No. No, I don't hate myself that much. I just like mention you thick Vanny Cox. Alright.
The teeth sculpted on this are really good too.
No, yeah, it's fucking Godzilla's really well done.
Yeah, I like the suit.
Yeah, until we get to Final Wars this is kind of the most ridiculous.
Final Wars is just so over the top and out there.
It's like where's this fucking adorable little bastard at?
Get out here, I got a treat for ya.
He's a natural tunneler, so
I like chicken, I like liver, Malmix, Malmix, please deliver.
You could feed possums meowmex, but you can't feed a kaiju meowmex.
Oh that's sad.
So cute.
Derp, you little bastard.
Amen.
So yeah, uh Baragon's apparently a natural tunneler.
Oh.
Yeah.
Which can explain some of the earthquakes.
I think they wanted to yeah, totally. I think they wanted to do uh Angirus in this, but they ended up going with Barragon instead.
I gotcha.
And I think Baragon is on loan from a different universe than Godzilla. I can't remember where Baragon is.
I was about to say have you ever seen is he ever been in any other movies?
Well let's just look up let's ask the internet that and that'll be some interesting commentary that's better than us talking about veiny dicks.
hasn't got a chance.
Ah, so Barragon is a subterranean reptile kaiju who first appeared in the nineteen sixty-five Toho film Frankenstein vs. Barragon.
Okay.
And then later du debuted in Godzilla series in nineteen sixty eight.
Frankenstein battle Barragon?
Yeah, uh sort of. Um I think it's known as Frankenstein Conquers the World here in America.
the gravel.
The red monster's in big trouble!
It's basically just uh a kaiju that is supposed to be f like the Frankenstein monsters irradiated heart made a cave boy grow into a giant monster and he fights Barragon in that apparently. I'm sorry I forgot
When when you you keep telling me the premises of these movies and it's gonna really bum me out. Yeah, I'm sorry. All right.
But just watch this fight'cause it's fucking great. But you're you're gonna feel bad for Barragon because the bad guy wins.
And Godzilla are the bad guys.
Well you knew Barragon was gonna win. He's too adorable to win a fight.
Right, he's going to die horribly.
But since he dies m horribly first, that means Mothra gets to live, maybe?
Finally. Usually Mothra almost always dies.
I think Matha's probably gonna have to sacrifice herself to save the world.
But King Ghidorah will be a little bit more.
Kingadora has to win in this case, which is just weird to try and root for that.
Paragon's doing the old college try.
See now Barragon has the higher ground with atomic press.
Yeah.
That doesn't matter. These these sequences are working great. This fight is terrific.
Oh fuck.
Oh Gonna make it.
Yeah, I don't think the two guys in the helicopter are gonna make it either.
I knew they were
Dead.
Too big of a hit. Damn.
Look at you today, man. Just
Oh, I'm as chemically dependent as it comes.
You never gonna remember we did this commentary.
Not till I have to edit it.
Then you're gonna be like, What the fuck? When did we do this Matt? You're gonna text me when did when did we do the commentaries?
Uh oh. Godzilla's like a bitch, I'm not done with you.
Godzilla has thick thighs that end lives.
You can see the seam in the suit there in that pose. Did you see it?
Uh-oh, here we go.
Those black spines.
Come off and the zipper that lets the person in the suit out is right there underneath those back spines.
Yeah. You know I've noticed Godzilla's a horrible shot with his atomic breath.
Thank you.
That's because it's so effective in a lot of these movies that if he actually hit the thing he would obliterate it.
Gotta make a fight last.
Well they're dead. Yuri!
No, Yuri's just got a concussion.
The concast.
Uh oh.
Ah man, it smells like burnt dog.
Yeah, Dan made a really wonderful joke about like what roasted barragon would probably smell like.
Pork shoulder.
That's a pretty cool shot.
in the suit roaring at the b ball of flame that once was a barragon.
Right.
You know what, once the film gets going though it's it's
Going. Yeah, it's going.
I mean we're at fifty-three minutes. That sequence took a goodly amount of time to have it.
That was a good that was a good kaiju fight.
And a lot of people die.
Yeah.
Calling back again to the fifty-four movie.
All of this because the souls of the dead.
Oh wait, yeah.
Demand retribution.
You don't have to.
All this suffering is demanded by the retribution for the souls of the dead.
Mm, trying to think of what I'm gonna eat today.
Alligator.
Wings.
What's that?
Sure. I've had alligator before. It's actually really good.
As long as it's prepared the way it was prepared for me, the spices they used and this alligator sausage was really good.
Oh I didn't have I had a alligator bites which was little chunks of alligator flesh that was deep fried.
Mine was uh that sounds good. But mine was uh yeah, alligator kinda like hot dog that I had uh
To be honest, if you deep fry just about anything, you can make it delicious if you do it right.
That's true.
Yeah.
You can fry anything.
I enjoyed the alligator, but I can't really comment on the taste of the alligator because deep fried.
You can fry anything it'll be good. Name a meat.
Human.
Awesome.
Amazing deep ride.
Especially with the right kind of banner.
Uh-huh.
That stonework is gorgeous.
Wanna do that?
That's what I want. I want to put that stonework everywhere.
You know that kind of stonework? That's like nineteen eighties shit right there. Haven't you done it? Yeah. Yeah.
No, it's like nineteen fifties.
The in the eighties did use it a lot though.
Yeah, because they were c oh look at that, a set of boobs.
Oh right.
It's a Brazilian butt link.
Up there.
It's a shape a it's a peanut. I still find it shape that's shape uh very soothing.
I I like it'cause one boom's bigger than the other. It's nice.
It means they're natural.
Makes it more real.
Feels more natural.
Hello? How are you?
No, that's amazing.
Субтитры сделал DimaTorzok Of course.
Transforming to uh
To Moth the Mothra we know.
Yeah, we didn't have the larva very long. No.
Yeah.
Yeah. Plus they're gonna do that thing where Mothra sacrifices herself and then the egg hatches and more Mothra Lava join the fight.
That could be.
They probably might do that.
This will be the command center.
Yeah.
Продолжение следует...
Yeah. Okay.
Uh w what are the Chinese stress balls, right? Yeah.
Yeah. All right. What basically happened I lost that one.
Okay.
And then I had the box with the other one and I put it somewhere for safekeeping.
And now you don't know where it is? It's so safe you don't know where it is. How about this one? And now I can't find the other one.
here until I find the box with the other one and then I can reunite them.
You put'em somewhere so safe not even you know where they are. You neuralized yourself to keep the information from yourself.
I think I did, yeah.
God damn it.
What are you supposed to be doing?
No, seriously, like now that I forget things because of possibly marijuana and also definitely old age.
Ciao.
I'm much happier'cause I forget things now.
Yeah, right.
It's amazing.
It's nice to forget.
Oh my god, yeah. When you have no clear memory of things that have happened, you are much happier.
Uh no, there's a minute where you're not because then you get frustrated at yourself for forgetting.
That's why I write down the important stuff where I set reminders on my phone.
Mm-hmm.
Well, if I start forgetting things like that I'm really worried.
Yeah, yeah. Wait, you're supposed to be worried?
Doctor fighting it next week, okay. Yikes. Oh. I'm sure it's fine.
Amen.
Decent explosions here.
Yeah.
You can set up a doctor appointment later. Let's do the commentary.
I've always been doing the commentary.
I was carrying this fucking thing when you were getting stoned out of your mind.
Who says I've stopped getting stoned animals?
Yeah, but you I was carrying this fucking thing when you were like, don't commentary anymore.
You were talking so much I was gonna ask you to show.
I'm like...
Jesus Christ.
Christ man, what do you want from me?
I don't know. This was not a well planned out thing for me.
Usually.
Hurry!
That guy's really trying to sell the information.
Yeah.
He's very stressed. Jesus. Well whoever filmed that's dead.
He's like what the fuck was all that about?
The scarring on his skin is for this god, so that's really cool, too.
From the side. Thank God you showed us what you meant from the fucking side. We get it, dipshit.
It's not gonna make any difference.
Uh oh.
He laser blasted like four.
Yeah. Oh no, and then more death cause the piece is crashing.
Yeah.
Oh, that house might have been empty.
Hey, get on that truck though, it stood tall.
Red leader.
You have to assume that they uh cleared the area of people and had them evacuated.
O wings reported.
Except for that one specific house that person decided to stay because
Yeah.
They weren't gonna let a kaiju scare them from their home.
Head number one of King Kidora.
I love the derpy Ghidorah head jokes.
But that's based on the twenty fourteen era gods of Lakingadora.
Yeah, we're blending.
One of the heads was a little derpy.
his little derby yeah
Mathura
Martha Are the twins in this?
No.
Usually they show up with Mothra.
Disappointing.
I see this movie's a waste of my fucking time.
It's a different kind of mother. She comes out of a boob cocoon.
Yeah.
A boob coon.
Look at those boobs.
Mothra's titty fucking the boobs.
What now?
Of course. I'm not blaming Mothra, I'm just making a notice.
I like the wings transforming now. The CT for the wings is pretty cool.
Yeah, that was actually really nice.
At the time I doubted it. But I taught my minute.
Yeah.
I wonder, was it worth it?
Was it worth it?
It was. I don't know, maybe not though a clip. Yeah, that would have been a really short clip.
That's one of those I would've started clipping and been excited, thinking it was gonna get a long clip and then it stuck
Yeah, but then this part here where there was just the bike ride before she starts talking. Yeah. And then they come back to us.
Okay. So then yeah, I would have clipped it. Okay.
I would have just let it keep recording and
That's what I'm not earth.
Yeah, because you started recording really, really long clips like that too. Yeah and then leaving it to me to take the space out to trim them down.
Yes, I did.
It's nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey man, I work two jobs. What do you want for me?
That's a burden that I've taken up for you to help. I did. I volunteered to do that.
I worked two jobs and now my wife has cancer. What do you want?
That's why we're doing commentaries because it's less work for both of us.
Do you have a dog?
And it's also an excuse to get you to watch these. Yeah.
She's holding the camera like that and still recording and reporting.
Yeah. Even though our camera's facing down.
Oh, she's playing back what she's recorded once before and then reporting on it live.
I gotcha.
Maybe.
No, no. Arrest her.
That's his daughter. He wants to arrest his own daughter.
But it is to keep her safe.
Perhaps. Or maybe he's just an authoritarian father.
I mean he is trying to silence the media.
Yep.
Mothra.
Instead of twins we get two ladies at the end.
There you go. Yeah.
So, yeah.
They won't sing us a song.
No.
Yeah, see?
I like my mothro with the song.
You don't get a Mothra song in uh the American twenty fourteen run of Godzilla either. Mm-hmm.
I like my mother with the song.
That's all I'm gonna say.
You like your Mothra having to be constantly adored and worshipped by two small ladies?
Yes. Yes, I do.
That's fair. Okay. I mean if that's what you require.
I mean I think that's what Mont Mothra deserves.
A chorus of adulation.
Yeah.
Is it ventilation or
Well, no more jacking for that guy.
He got to die going doing what he loved.
Raising kaijus and jerk it off of the forest.
Yep.
He died as he lived. Raising kaijus and jerking to the furnace.
Forest.
You know what I'm saying? If I outlive you, I'm making sure that's put on your headstone.
Please no.
He raised died as he lived, raising kaijus and jerking at the forest.
No it should be something more like he never dealt with his father issues, but man he had a lot of
Cort called racing court called jerking off racing a kaiju.
That's not the sort of thing anyone wants on their tombstone. I think I have an idea, sir.
If I outlive you I know what I'm saying at your funeral
The right one.
Name Barragon. Let's be honest, you probably will output me.
I don't know all about that, but we'll see.
Yeah. Alcohol's a preserver.
That's true.
And you have preserved yourself.
If his liver holds out, I'll be fine.
It's the hardest working liver this side of the Mississippi.
We are an hour done. We have thirty nine minutes left, Matt. And then you can go home to your family and tell them what a huge mistake this show is.
I mean they'll just be like why you keep repeating yourself every week.
Like because I have to do it because I have a compulsion to be a good idea.
Compulsion.
Viny cocks and file sizes.
Alright, Captain. Everybody's a good battle stage. Jerkin' off and raising kaijus.
And what should it shouldn't be on your friend's tombstone?
And whether or not that should or should not be a horrible thing to say about that person.
And finally, ogling over things that look like titties.
And shaming someone for the shape of their ear.
Yeah, yeah.
That's where we got really creepy.
a very
Creepy. Gyms that gym, that's that's something that's gonna be putting us on a list eventually. That gym scene.
Blazing pile of rubble.
It's the first time I've seen action. Not looking for But it's a soldier's duty.
Things you never want to hear a guy say no matter what the context. I have not seen any action.
I have not seen any action.
Never want to hear another guy say that.
I don't know why you say it like that.
No matter what the context is, you don't want to know.
Yeah, I don't want to know. Don't tell me things like this.
Yeah, if you're about to go into a milli ex military exercise and the person says that, you definitely don't know.
You're about to take on a fucking kaiju that was raised by the spirits of the punished
Oh you really
Don't worry.
No, I don't uh come on man. I'm trying to enjoy the movie.
He's also not seen any action when you're about to experience that.
That's fine.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying is like if you're a soldier going into this and you know that that's why that kaiju was raised Then you definitely don't want to hear that that guy has not
What the fuck is that thing you're holding?
It's a G.I. Joe figure. They had like these weird zombie things.
Oh.
Sean from Geek Chat Army from way way back in the day gave us too.
Nice. Fucking man, they they f Cobra fucks the people up.
Yeah.
G.I. Joe's got some cool stuff, man.
Yeah, G. I. Joe had always had cool stuff. I just was more into Transformers, but G. I. Joe was the shit.
That moth was fucking gorgeous.
Oh god, look at that.
Even Godzilla's like, um, listen, I know we're gonna fight, but you are beautiful. So when I say that.
That is the one thing that I really dig about the twenty fourteen Godzilla where they make them like basically a couple.
Yeah.
Conversion. Yeah. With like their symbiotic kaiju or whatever.
I can see that.
There's one of these that uh Mothra does the flying creature dragon Godzilla thing that you were talking about, uh-huh. But with his head, I can't remember if it's this one or not.
Mothra like grabs onto Godzilla's head and drags him in one of the millennium movies.
If it's this one I'll you're gonna definitely enjoy it. If not, we'll get to it eventually.
Get your beautiful ass back here.
Oh I should tell everybody also, uh I'm dumping Facebook so the group's going away.
Wow, really?
Yeah, I'm I'm saying it now. Once this gets released then I'm gonna start unwinding things.
Yeah.
Like I'm gonna have to remove everybody and all of that. I'm gonna post before I do it, but like I'm done with Facebook.
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's such a fucking
I'm also done with Instagram, but I'm gonna do Facebook first.
Yeah.
I may want to save a few of the things from the uh meme repository.
Yeah, right.
Maybe, but I don't think so.
I don't want to post memes anymore and I'm just kinda done with social media. It's just a bummer to be on there.
Yeah, it's terrible.
At least blue sky gives me a little hope in human.
The only reason I keep anything Facebook is for wrestling belt groups. That's about it.
Yeah, well you keep winning shit and then that's why you stay in here.
That's fucking eh right.
But you can get rid of your Matt's eye up on.
Yeah, yeah, probably a good point too. No, I hardly ever use it.
I mean even getting rid of the synthetic ops page is just gonna go away.
Yeah.
Yeah, just down with Facebook for sure.
I have been for a while and I've just been keeping it for like strolling through reels every now and then and then I'm like well I should just get TikTok I'm gonna suffer, I might as well at least give on a dated at
TikTok. Yeah.
Get with the times. Reels? Jesus, what are you Amish?
Yes. Look at the beard and realize that.
You say that like I'll be insulted.
No, I'm saying it like it's cool. Because if you now if you didn't have any mustache hair at all, then I'd say yes, that is that is uh old man Amish beard but
You'd start calling me Jake.
Uh Jebediah, please and thank you.
Probably. But yes Jebadiah needs to get rid of his social media.
Yeah, well Jibadia definitely does. He what is he even doing with a computer? Worst Amish ever.
This might be on his rumspringer.
Yeah.
Here we go. Oh look, it's a head attack.
Just get him!
This is definitely sexual.
Oh, so sexual.
Thank you.
I almost told a really, really untoward story that no one needs to know about.
Hey, King of Nora.
about a piggyback that went awry that I've heard about a story in my childhood.
Mothra being on Godzilla's neck reminded me of the story of a piggyback that went awry.
Oh yeah.
You probably should now.
If I do it without name.
Yeah, you can't do it without names.
Alright, so supposedly uh there was a girl riding on the shoulders of a guy in my class.
And they were kind of into each other and Around and she found out a lot about herself because how he was rubbing his neck against where she was riding him.
And then also him messing with her boobs because they were kinda flirting with each other and groping.
She basically came.
While on a piggyback ride.
They're since
Yeah, there you go, man.
As far as I know, they're happily married.
These were some people I grew up with that this happened.
If you can make a woman have an orgasm without it being sexual, then she's she's pretty well gonna be in love with you after that.
He was there was some tit fondling going on.
And the way her crotch was rubbing up against the back of his neck during the piggyback ride.
If you can
If you can make a woman orgasm without removing any clothes, yeah, she's gonna snatch you up. She's gonna get you off the uh off the main roster and you're just going to the private.
Yeah.
And the same thing for a guy. If a w if any if you make a guy come without taking off his pants, well number one, he's gonna be mad because g you have to wash those pants. But two, he's still gonna marry you.
Thank you.
She also found out she was a gusher.
Oh. S D. S D. Ah man, that's my favorite t-shirt.
Yeah, much clothing was ruined and what a wonderful relationship had become.
Now was it a piggyback or was she sitting on his sh shoulders?
Sh she was sitting on his shoulder.
The crotch was on his neck.
So I don't is that piggybacking? Because I thought piggybacking's kind of just is a like you're wearing them as a backpack.
Yeah, well that type of song.
He was wearing her as a hat.
She was around his neck. Yeah.
And he was like, oh my god, I'm drowning. Yeah. Yeah. He literally drowning in pussy.
Yes, that happens.
Damn man, save some pussy for the rest of us. What are you doing out here that's so special and
As far as I know they're still happening.
That's good. That's actually a heartwarming story really.
I know. But you know, it's also not I don't know if that was my story to tell'cause
Yeah, you didn't say names, so no one's gonna know.
And this this could be very much the folklore of the rural place I grew up in.
That's also true. Yeah. Oh man, King Dora is getting fucked up.
But I have been told that in front of them and they didn't argue or say anything, so maybe.
Were they at your wedding? No.
No, no, these are people that uh I don't even know if there's well, I don't know now if they're still alive or not, but the last I heard from them, they were married and they had kids.
I like it.
Oh, Matras taking the shot.
She's gonna die. Sacrificing herself.
To save King Kidora because probably he's the only one who could
That is the belief, yes.
O units ready to move!
Fire! All units fire!
All units.
I'm really convinced they want to fire.
I'm not into it. Fire!
This reminds me of those like Cadmium missiles that were drilling into Godzilla in the nineties movie.
Bye, meh, meh, meh. Impact!
Oh they're gonna do some drinking to him, yeah.
아하
Oh wow, rocket drills. Nice.
So that person that was asking all those questions about you know penetrating Godzilla's skin to be able to kill. Yeah. I explained this sequence too where they had a rocket-powered drilling technique to try and get through a skin and then it It broke and it wasn't able to do it.
We've already seen that a squad of people with bazookas can't do shit.
Yeah, uh would drills do anything?
It's a very powerful atomic breath.
I told you it's a very vindictive gun.
Yeah.
And that's because he is resurrected by the soul.
I'm going not to enjoy this. Just let me try to enjoy this murdering, please. Okay.
Thank you.
May I remind you that this movie is called Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah Colon, Giant Monsters All Dash Out A Dash.
That you can do as much as you want.
Because it annoys me.
Yes.
Right.
That's fair.
This city is getting fucked.
Proper fucked.
Gotta stand.
In the place where I live.
Yep. Stand in the place. Stop.
Thank you.
All right.
I never get tired of that.
Nope.
Like I know that I've already like broken Kfabe about how like I'm not really that angry when
No, yeah, but fuck it.
But it's such a good
Listen wrestling Brook K Fabe they're still doing it to this
That was one of like when Twitter was first a thing, that was my favorite thing about Twitter was the wrestlers that were on Twitter that kept K-fade.
Yep, yep.
Fucking love that.
MJF from AEW does that. Oh yep.
Whoa. Well goodbye, Mathra.
Now she's gonna go to King Kedora.
Yeah, the particles of
The power.
Are going to supercharge the good King Ghidorah?
Yeah, I guess.
Question mark. It just doesn't feel.
No it does not.
Ghidorah just doesn't look right to be.
It's it's weird to have a good guy be so OP.
As King Ghidorah is. With three heads and all that shit.
You can barely trust a thing with one head.
Yeah, right. Let alone three doing it so I'm not going to be able to do that.
It is a one-eyed one horned.
Purple headed warrior?
Yogurt Slinger
Uh I f I apologize to everyone for encouraging him. He's standing up so I feel like he's in a place of authority.
Yeah.
I'm just letting them say what it wants.
I was just like, oh shit he's standing. I I don't know what to do.
Okay, this actually looks kinda cool.
A golden Ghidorah.
Got like a mother particle shield.
This is like some powered up Avatar the Last Airbender power shit.
Jesus Christ. Wow. It was like final form.
Yeah, very cool The effects are great.
I wanna know where we go from this epic battle because we have like an hour left in this fucking movie or
No, no, no, we're down to a half hour or less. Or twenty-six minutes, we're good.
Alright. Still wonder where you go from this. Felt like this should be in the last ten minutes.
Well we're gonna be explained about more about the souls.
Really?
Or like twenty minutes, they're gonna give us a small lecture.
Oh god.
This guy's a little bit.
I need to find that forest that one guy was in.
You can borrow my tie.
Oh look, look, there's an exposed spot right there.
Now their drills will be.
Because it couldn't get through the plated skin.
That's right.
Yeah, the film's bridging us from the last scene to the next.
Did you use that because there's a bridge right there in the sea? Damn, that was good. That was brilliant.
Good sh good shit.
Yeah, it took you out of your authority, now you gotta sit down.
Yeah. Actually my fatness took me out of my head to work.
Couldn't catch your breath standing up, so you had to sit back down.
That was a lot of exercise for me standing.
I I'm scared if you're being serious.
No, I'm not. I I dude, I work two jobs. I'm I'm up a lot. Yeah, yeah. One of those jobs is fairly physical.
I'm doing a lot of home improvements because my house was built in the 50s.
Yeah.
Until it seems to be warm.
I'm sanding the fence and waxing on and waxing off.
We can't launch the missiles.
I'll use the Satuma.
Paint.
Paint the fountain.
Designed for war with a D3 loaded on it?
We'll have to take that chance. We don't have any choice.
Wow, these long pauses.
Yeah.
Not just ours, but this movie.
They're certainly gonna miss each other when they're gonna be.
I mean look at that. Jesus.
Is that intense brooding?
They really love each other.
There was an unspoken
Dang there.
They got rowdy in a foxhole one night. The Satsuma is attacking Godzilla. Use all of our remains.
Suma.
This is gonna work.
Commander Tachibana is going to attack Godzilla.
Of course my favorite amp is known as orange.
Oh yeah.
A weapon known as Satsuma kinda makes sense.
It took me forever to be able to get an orange stack.
And I need to buy the cheapest available of everything for orange that I have in my stack too.
Because I have the most experience.
I'm out of drink, but I kinda wanna just power through the rest of the movie.
I know, right?
But also my bladder's gonna explode while I wanna have power through the rest of the movie.
So if I just start filling up the bottle again.
I was just expecting like the uh uh dirty rotten scoundrels. May I go to the bathroom? Of course.
Commander? Thank you.
We both made the face.
Yeah.
That's really good for a commentary.
Oh God. Yeah, but you know, so most of the time we're just doing this for us, so
That's fair. I'm surprised we never done that movie yet. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
Yeah.
Hey Dad, sorry that I was such a pain in the ass.
Please don't go kill yourself, Dad.
Of course I will.
Reassuring smile.
He's like, uh is this the time when I try to tap it or
No, no, no, not right now. No don't
Wait until you find out if the dad comes back.
Yeah.
Okay, well hold on. So if he doesn't come back, do you try to tap it or if he does come back do you try to tap it? Yes. She's either really happy or it's so devastated she needs comforting.
From the tip of your penis.
That's why you wait till you find out.
Cause it has to change your approach. Yay! Look at my dick. Or uh my dick.
I can kindly offer you penis.
Would the thrusting of my member distract you from your current distress?
My penis wishes offer its condolences on your loss.
We're going right to hell.
Right to hell.
No get out of jail free card there.
Oh, man.
Here comes her uh dramatic report about the sacrifice her father's about to do.
Oh man, I think she's got a little
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of people were let a fire in the loins over here.
So like gender wise he seems pretty cool.
Yeah, he seems like he's all right with just about everything going on.
He has an intense brooding with like every
In their mission.
Is that a cigarette?
No, it's like a chew thing. I think he's trying to quit smoking now.
This guy's totally not trying to quit.
I think at the very beginning he lit his wig on fire. Oh and that's the whole thing when he like s freaked out.
Thanks for paying attention, I sure wasn't.
I was just worried to make sure that we were still recording.
Are we still recording?
I don't think we ever started.
I don't want to do this again though.
No, we're done.
I think that's called London Bridge.
Falling down, falling down. Stop.
I will come at you.
All teeth included.
Pause.
You forget I had espresso before you came over here. Just because I'm stoned out of my gorgeous.
Yeah, well I had a white monster, so just call me Kyle and you're like sheetrocket.
Or drywall. You're like drywall. My name's Kyle and I had a white monster.
What's funny is that I was actually pretty accurate for most of the Kyles I've met.
King Kedura's like, what up homie? See ya.
You guys good?
The underwater struggle is real. Mm-hmm.
I don't think water is Ghidorah's natural habitat like it is for Godzilla.
I always wondered if Godzilla had gills.'Cause like crocodiles still have to come up for air, don't they?
Yeah, I don't think he has gills. I think he just can hold his breath for a long time in water.
He's like Leslie Nielsen in Creep Show.
Amen. I can hold my breath.
For a
It's one of my favorite line deliveries from him.
Oh, I think King Ghidora's dead.
I won't do it.
I won't let go.
But like somebody has to defeat Godzilla.
Yeah.
And it has to be a guardian monster or it doesn't count.
It's just gonna be us. Humans. Damn you to hell.
Humans are not their own guardian monster. We need to s rely on guardian monsters.
To appease the souls that have resurrected God.
Godzilla. Alone? You do this by yourself.
Son of a bitch
All right, I I apologize. Alright, we've got Seventeen minutes left, I'll do it one more time and then just get back on mic.
All right, all right.
No more time in the seventeen minutes.
Not now. Uh you got time. So get back on mic, I promise.
All right.
Won't remind you about the plotline of Goth Godzilla Mathra and King Ghidorah Colon. Giant monsters all dash out attack.
It won't remind you of the plot line that you hate about that.
Alright, good.
I will just say the title for a little bit.
That's fine by me.
You have to stay on mic because I can't do this by myself.
I cannot carry this commentary. We can't even do this together. We should have had more people to help.
We really should've.
We're telling inappropriate stories from our childhoods and talking about dicks. This is the worst commentary we've done so far.
So far.
King Ghidorah's about that tail.
Yep, we'll uh
Yep, King Kidor is back.
Yeah, he's the tub thumper in the
Yeah. Never gonna keep him down.
Yep.
That is the weirdest way for someone to float.
Not if she's possessed by a demon.
But yeah the fact that she he found her floating on her own, he didn't have to pull her up out of the water.
Yeah. And then she's knocked out. Yeah. That's weird.
Man, she gets knocked out a lot. That's a lot of head trauma for like within a twenty-four hour period.
Yeah, but she started out really smart, so I think she'll be okay.
She's just now gonna be a kind of dumb.
Yeah, it's just it's at the end of her life when she like murders her family and commits suicide that her brain trauma will be a problem.
It's her last name been Water Ah, she doesn't look French Canadian, that's weird.
Well there's a lot of football players with head trauma too that have had violent episodes because of it.
Oh yeah.
That's what brought a lot of attention to the head trauma and concussions causing.
things like that. Yep. That's why we got protective covers over helmets now. We can help with that.
I just lost that magic A.
¡Ah, no! ¡There it goes!
Healing, you know, relaxation ball.
And I got it back. I'm putting it in a sack.
There you go. Where's your nuts at? Let me see those things. Thank you. Yeah, it is fun playing with your nuts.
It's a nut case you're playing with. It's what I put my nuts in, it's my nut case.
Oh I'm sorry. My apologies.
I still love the atomic blast from this guy, though. Fucking great.
Yeah.
Good explosion.
I think Ghidorah's done.
I think King Ghidorah dead.
It's down down to the We're gonna have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and solve this problem ourselves.
Guardian monster my ass.
Yeah, right.
Oh wait, yeah.
Uh-oh, wait, what's going on now? Hey
Aragon?
Red Godzilla.
Yeah. And then Mathra.
The King Khidora. Three-headed Godzilla.
Oh they're gonna overpower the thing I'm not allowed to talk about. Oh here's a w that's what's happening though. They're overpowering the souls that's part of the pl
Gotcha. Okay.
And that's the last time I'm gonna mention the souls that are inhabiting the Godzilla that are driving it as they're being overpowered by the good spirits from the guardians.
Gotcha.
Sending Godzilla to the depths.
And now you don't have to hear about those souls anymore.
Alright.
Yeah, we got twelve minutes left.
I knew I had to mention it at least one more time because of that. That's actually the plot line.
of Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah, Colon.
Giant monsters all dash out attack.
What are you doing?
Oh he's gonna fly in his guns as well. Oh no She's like no
The best way to kill a Godzilla is from the inside.
Inside it's the same thickness on the inside as the outside.
It's like why the mafia always preferred twenty twos, because you get it to puncture the brain.
Oh man, yeah, she was in love with him.
You get it to puncture the brain pan on one side and then it bounces around and stays stuck inside the skull.
You know what? Uh I'm I'm gonna say this. Yeah. She is so sad.
Because he probably made her come without taking her off her clothes.
Yeah, it was probably the it's not a piggyback ride but around.
Yeah, he probably did that to her.
Like the playing a game of chicken in the you know.
Yeah.
Yeah. That kind of ride.
But now he sees his daughter.
He's not that yet.
He might go for a walk.
Shh
He feels happy.
Feel happy.
You'll be dead any day now. You're not fooling anybody.
My father! My father!
I love that.
That's a submissive position.
Oh shit!
This can't be good.
They really like to give shots of this suit's undercarriage.
Yeah, they really do. They want you to see how thick he is.
These are the thighs that end lies.
That's how thick.
Maybe. You wanna try clapping these cheeks? Oh He's like, oh fuck. Fuck off, that hurt.
Oh yeah, this Godzilla dies horribly.
It's gross. And kinda cross.
Yep, this is the end, folks.
This is the end.
Oh! Came out of the wrong spot!
Yeah, where the thing drilled through.
Yeah, that's where the power comes from.
Yeah. Anytime he tries to use his atomic breath it's gonna blast out that hole and make it worse.
He's like hold on a second this sucks. I don't like the taste of my own medicine.
Can't you imagine how bad that would hurt?
It'd be like coughing through a bullet hole in your chest.
Yeah.
Right.
Right? Isn't that what that would feel like? It'd be like coffin through a bullet hole in each.
It's like passing a kidney still in the hard way.
Nope.
Up and the dad gets out of the explosion.
Somewhere there's a couple ladies and four dudes who are real happy right now. They're all looking to get some piggyback rides if ya know what I'm saying.
감사합니다.
Whatever it's called when you put the legs around the neck.
He's like, uh I'll give you though.
I'm pretty sure it's the crotch to neck ratio that made that work.
Yeah.
Uh oh.
So that exposed bit of skin
Yeah.
So he fully exploded.
Good. longer on the radar.
He's gone!
I think all the souls have now been set free.
There's freedom now.
I just wanted to mention that.
Yeah. You can't that's it.
That's uh that's all I wanted to say about it.
All right.
They've just been separated, that's it.
All right.
I did. That explosion was pretty cool though.
That was good. Yeah.
That could be considered all the souls getting out.
Hey!
The orgasm giver lives.
Yeah.
That's just the daughter he has, you know, around he's got his I bet you that motherfucker has like eighteen kids running around Japan.
Yeah. He was born with the vibrating neck that the other guy had, apparently.
Twenty five kids in Canada, that's why you hear a couple of boots in this movie.
Perhaps.
Oh look, there's another look.
Every single one of these ladies is all about getting the neck ride from them.
Lou, these I think these guys are even like a ra
Do you read the biggest thing?
I read you.
Oh Jesus.
We're all coming.
We're all sounds like everyone's coming tonight. Hey everyone! We're all gonna get laid! Uh-huh.
Ha ha
What do we have left from Rodney that we haven't done?
'Cause we did back to school and we did
Caddy Shadow.
Like ladybugs?
Ladybugs, would you count natural born killers?
I mean that is an amazing dramatic role.
Yeah, he wasn't in a lot of movies.
Uh no well Ronnie didn't get really famous till late in life anyway. Yeah. A fact that he kinda always bitched about and he was mad about.
Yeah.
material we win all the awards! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah. Yeah That's gonna be difficult.
Professor Isayama died a long time ago. After the first Godzilla.
Uh oh.
He was quite an old man.
It was seventy five.
The dude that's been leading them around and whacking off in the forest is like
Ghost. He's a ghost?
That's why he's whacking off so much. He got a he got a physical body, he was gonna use it.
Put his shoulder into it.
You can't be serious.
He's gonna crank it like it's going out of style'cause he knew he only had a short time.
That makes sense now.
Those cement barriers are not to break the w the waves, that's like uh to keep a kaiju footstep. Yep. It's to help embrace the first kaiju landing on land. I haven't checked the radiation levels yet.
I just wanna hug Daddy.
Because he won't let her hug him here?
Yeah.
She's gonna have to get a back piece.
Oh, no. Later in life. No, no, no. She's gonna get a lot of tattoos.
Because of this rejection.
And radiation symbols.
He won't even face his daughter.
They have to salute Godzilla.
Er King Ghidorah.
Well no he's saluting Godzilla because of the thing I'm now.
Oh yeah, okay, I got you.
It's just part of the plot line.
The thing.
The thing. Yeah. The unspoken thing.
other thing is that the film is almost over, we're really close. Which is good'cause my bladder's about to pop.
My sanity's about to pop.
Yeah, this film made no sense. And not just because we were talking over it.
No, but I mean at least the fight scenes were good though. Yeah. Yeah. And all the kaijus look good.
All the deaths were really gruesome too.
Uh oh.
The heart's still going, bud.
Yeah, he's just gets knocked down.
And he gets back up again.
You're never gonna keep him down. Yeah.
It's just a heart.
There's like no body around it.
It'll regenerate.
Okay.
If the heart's still beating, that means it's still alive and it's gonna regenerate.
And it's like Wolverine and Valhalla regenerating off of a drop of blood on a rock. Yeah. It doesn't have to make sense, it's just there.
It's just happening.
Speaking of other things that don't have to make sense, we're just gonna stop it off early here. Thanks for listening to this folks. Yeah. You're really masochistic at this point, but
Sick.
We're out.