Beyond Bipolar: Shakeyla Ingram’s Journey of Healing, Forgiveness, and Resilience in Public Office

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Guest:
Shakeyla Ingram served on the city council in Fayetteville, North Carolina, where she focused on community empowerment, small business support, and housing issues. It was not all roses. Shakeyla was diagnosed with bipolar disorder while in office and faced significant challenges as she found herself embroiled in the middle of factional community anger during the COVID-19 epidemic and immersed in dysfunctional behavior between council members and herself. As a councilwoman, Shakeyla released a book, Intentionality Here, ran her consultancy, Haus Host, and relaunched her podcast, The Key to the City. Since losing re-election, Shakeyla has blossomed - releasing Provisions Boot Camp, an Entrepreneur's Toolkit, and starting a newsletter, Intentional Impact, along with traveling the country to train newly elected officials on effective governance.

About the Episode: 

In this episode, we dig into adolescence’s impact on our adult leadership: the importance of family and role models in shaping who we become. How early childhood experiences, adverse childhood events (ACEs), and trauma manifest unconsciously in our leadership and how to discover and break those patterns to uplevel and expand our leadership. We discuss coming out as battling bipolar depression on council and how you can disclose and work with your challenges. Shakeyla shares stories of inter-council conflict and the impact of public hate - being stuck in the middle of community factions - and its effect on our well-being and performance as leaders.  Shakeyla shares some of her most significant learnings from her journey, including techniques to identify and work with triggers, practices to exhume yourself from depression, creating “goal friends” and “journey agreements,” the distinction between trauma and healing as she understands it, what “intentionality” is and how to use it for your success, and so much more. 

Key Topics Discussed:

· [00:01:51] Episode/guest intro

· [00:04:45] Heart-centered leadership 

· [00:06:16] The secret commonality between us

· [00:07:10] Grandparents

· [00:07:30] The essence of community 

· [00:10:04] The forgotten history of racism 

· [00:11:37] LOVE no matter what 

· [00:12:15] Grandparents supplanting parents

· [00:14:22] Healing parental wounds 

· [00:15:08] The impact of divorce 

· [00:15:35] The shadow of childhood in office 

· [00:16:45] Unethical behavior

· [00:19:42] Childhood patterns in leadership 

· [00:21:50] Be the soulution 

· [00:22:30] Three ways to use your energy 

· [00:23:59] “Leader” Vs. “Human” personas 

· [00:26:10] Public service and romantic relationships 

· [00:31:42] Fear to win

· [00:32:28] Internal duality

· [00:33:10] Patterns and vlaues 

· [00:35:59] Bi-polar diagnosis in office 

· [00:37:14] Public response to bi-polar 

· [00:39:14] Techniques to mitigate depressive symptoms 

· [00:41:57] Bi-polar mitigation practices summary 

· [00:43:40] How to identify triggers 

· [00:46:05] Meditation + Journaling 

· [00:47:27] The importance of self-honesty 

· [00:48:25] Therapist of solo work?

· [00:50:20] COVID-19 challenges in office 

· [00:50:40] ELC Foundation donors 

· [00:51:18] SPONSOR: ELC Coaching 

· [00:54:00] Shakeyla’s COVID collapse 

· [00:55:13] Keep doing the work 

· [00:57:00] A cold welcome to office 

· [00:58:15] Self-work post office 

· [01:00:01] A different type of podcast 

· [01:01:30] Post-loss integration 

· [01:02:55] The secrets we keep 

· [01:03:24] Fear at the grocery store  

· [01:05:55] Train people how to treat you

· [01:06:30] Create conscious email boundaries 

· [01:10:25] Public record traps

· [01:11:25] Day one elected: How-to-guide 

· [01:14:10] Trauma vs. connection-based partnership 

· [01:15:50] The functional power of a trusting relationship 

· [01:16:50] Trauma Vs. healing

· [01:19:02] Dealing with falsified personal attacks 

· [01:20:48] Apolitical Foundation’s “Mere Mortals” report

· [01:24:28] Victimization to healing 

· [01:26:55] Intentionality - what is it?

· [01:27:21] “Goal friends”

· [01:28:04] Healing in the environment you got sick in 

· [01:31:59] Final Questions: You must show up

· [01:33:30] Where to find Shakeyla

· [01:34:09] “The Leader’s Handbook” Newsletter

· [01:35:19] SPONSOR: ELC Coaching 

Key References and Resources Mentioned:

· [00:19:42] Transference: Psychology 

· [00:19:42] Childhood Patterns: Psychology 

· [00:19:42] Trauma: Psychology 

· [00:22:30] Three things you can do with your energy video

· [00:43:40] Triggers: Psychology 

· [00:46:05] Meditation 

· [00:46:05] Journaling 

· [00:54:00] Yoga 

· [00:54:00] Running 

· [01:06:30] Conscious Email Boundary Tools: 

     · Inbox When Ready

     · Setting a Gmail away message 

· [01:20:48] Apolitical Foundation Report “Mere Mortals: the State of Politicians' Mental Wellbeing and Why It Matters” 

· [01:33:30] Where to find Shakeyla and her projects (listed below) 

· [01:34:09] “The Leader’s Handbook” Newsletter 

· [01:35:19] SPONSOR: ELC Coaching 

Where to Find Shakeyla Ingram:

• Website
• Book, Intentionally Here 
• The Host Haus Consulting
• The Key to the City podcast
• Provisions Bootcamp entrepreneur’s toolkit 
• “Intentional Impact” newsletter 
• Twitter: @ShakeylaIngram
• Instagram: @ShakeylaIngram
• Facebook
• Linked In
  
  

Where to Find Host Skippy Mesirow:

• Receive Coaching w/Skippy at the ELC project
• Follow on Instagram 
• Join the community
• Book a free Clarity Call to see if coaching is right for you

 

 

Episode Sponsor:

Elected Leaders Collective (ELC)

Helping You Heal Our Politics

The Elected Leaders Collective (ELC) organization is the leading US-based provider of mental well-being training for public servants, conducted by public servants and the world's best mental health and human optimization professionals. With ELC Training, you will learn to rise above and become the political healer you were meant to be, improving your well-being in the process.

Website: ElectedLeadersCollective.com

 

Contact the HOP Team:

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Creators and Guests

Host

Skippy Mesirow

Skippy Mesirow is a prominent leader, certified Master Coach, and founder of the Elected Leaders Collective (ELC) and ELC Foundation. ELC leads the US in mental health and well-being training for public servants, recognized in The Apolitical Foundation's Mere Mortals report, and named as one of 26 worldwide political well-being "Trailblazer Organizations." A transformational leader in political innovation and wellness, Skippy serves on Gov. Polis’s Natural Medicine Advisory. Skippy’s work has been featured in numerous podcasts and publications, as well as main-stage speaking engagements for organizations NLC, YEO, CML, MT2030, Bridging Divides, and Fulcrum, highlighting his significant contributions to mental health, community, and policy reform. Alongside his professional achievements, Skippy lives in Aspen, CO. with his partner Jamie where he enjoys running ultra-marathons, road biking, motorcycling, international travel, culinary arts, Burning Man, and lifelong learning.

Producer

Aaron Calafato

Aaron’s stories are currently heard by millions around the globe on his award-winning Podcast 7 Minute Stories and on YouTube. Aaron is a co-host of Glassdoor's new podcast (The Lonely Office) and serves as a podcast consultant for some of the fastest-growing companies in the world.

Editor

Jesse Link

Jesse is a strategy, research and partnership consultant and podcast enthusiast. A 2x founder, former Goldman Sachs Vice President and advisor to 25+ businesses, Jesse brings a unique and diverse background to HoP, helping to elevate the range, depth and perspective of HoP's conversations and strategy.

What is Civic Courage Lab?

Hello,

I’m Skippy Mesirow, host of “Civic Courage Lab”, the show that shows you, the heart-centered public servants and political leaders, how to heal our politics by starting with the human in the mirror.

Civic Courage Lab, “CCL,” is a first-of-its-kind show that provides tools and practices for mental well-being, health, and balance, specifically for public servants so we can do good by feeling good and safe in our jobs.

CCL brings together experts, scientists, doctors, thought leaders, healers, and coaches to share their insights in practical, tactical, actionable ways specifically tailored to the public service experience for you to test and implement with yourself and your teams. Episodes feature intimate conversations with global leaders about their self-care practices and personal challenges, providing insights for a more holistic, connected approach to leadership. Whether you're a Mayor, teacher, police officer, or staffer, this podcast will guide you to be the best version of yourself in service to yourself and the world!

Sign up for our once-per-month Leader’s Handbook newsletter to receive an actionable toolkit of how-to guides on topics discussed on the podcast that month to test and implement in your life and with your team: https://leadershandbook.substack.com/

Skippy Mesirow: 00:03

Hello. My name is Skippy Mesirow. Coach, former elected official, and lifetime public servant. Welcome to Healing Our Politics. The show that shows you, the heart centered public servant and political leader, how to heal our politics by starting with the human in the mirror.

Skippy Mesirow: 00:20

It is my job to sit down or stand up with the best experts in all areas of human development, thought leaders, coaches, therapists, authors, scientists, and more, to take the best of what they have learned and translate it specifically for the public service experience. Providing you actionable, practical, tactical tools that you can test out today in your life and with your teams. I will also talk to leaders across the globe with a self care practice, getting to know them at a deeply human and personal level, so that you can learn from their challenges and journey. Warning, this is a post partisan space. Yes, I have a bias.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:02

You have a bias. We all have a bias. Everybody gets a bias. And I will be stripping out all of the unconscious cues of bias from this space. No politics, partisanship or policy here.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:15

Because well-being belongs to all of us. And we will all be better served if every human in leadership, regardless of party, ideology, race, or geography, are happier, healthier, and more connected. This show is about resourcing you, the human doing leadership, and trusting you to make up your own damn mind about what to do with it and what's best for your community. So as always, with love, here we go. Welcome to the Healing Our Politics podcast.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:53

The show that shows you, the heart centered leader, how to heal our politics by starting with the human in the mirror. And in this episode, I have a very, very special human for you as I sit down with public servant, Shaquila Ingram. Shaquila served on city council in her hometown of Fayetteville, North Carolina, where she focused on issues of community empowerment, small business support and housing, always bringing her signature positive energy, can do spirit to the table. But the truth is, it was not all roses. Shaquille was diagnosed with bipolar disorder while in office and faced significant challenges as she found herself embroiled in the middle of factional community anger during the COVID 19 epidemic and immersed in dysfunctional behavior between council members and herself.

Skippy Mesirow: 02:47

Since losing her last race, yes, she lost hers too, Shakila has really gone gangbusters. She released a book, Intentionality Here. She launched House Host, her consulting firm. She is hosting a podcast called The Key to the City. She released Provisions Boot Camp, an Entrepreneur's Toolkit, and started a newsletter called Intentional Impact.

Skippy Mesirow: 03:13

Whoo. That is a lot. And in this episode, we dig into the real, real folks tracing Shaquille's life from day 1 to now. We talk about the importance of grandparents, family role models and friends on who we become in life and leadership, how early childhood experiences and trauma manifest later in life, unconscious patterning, what it is, how to understand yours and how to use that knowledge to grow and expand in your leadership. We talk about coming out bipolar on council, inter council conflict.

Skippy Mesirow: 03:52

I guess I'm having some with my voice, and the impact of public hate being stuck in the middle of community factions and its effect on our well-being and performance as leaders. Shakila shares some of her greatest learnings from this journey, including techniques to identify and work with triggers, practices to exhume yourself from depression, creating goal friends and journey agreements, the distinction between trauma and healing as she understands it, what intentionality is and how to use it for your success, and so much more. With a warm heart and a deep sense of connection, I share this meaningful, connective and real conversation with Shaquille Ingram. Shakila, it's truly such an honor to be here with you this morning on the Healing Our Politics podcast, the show that shows you, the heart centered leader, how to heal our politics by starting with the human in the mirror, something that you know and do intimately.

Shakeyla Ingram: 05:04

Thank you so much for allowing me to be here. And what's so interesting at getting Terry, I already the heart centered leader. And was so about a month and a half ago, I had a friend stop being the friend to me. And they said that I was childish in my leadership when I was in council because I live with my heart. And so for you to say the heart centered leader because in my mind, I was like, there's gotta be space for the heart.

Shakeyla Ingram: 05:39

In politics, there has to be space for it. If not, you lose sight of what's important. Thank you for that.

Skippy Mesirow: 05:49

And you lose the ability to come together with others, which is the only way we ever truly accomplish anything meaningful that sticks. So if there's someone watching this video right now, I'm making some assumptions. So feel free to throughout this, feel free to correct my assumptions, correct the record, educate me, whatever is necessary. Cisgendered male from a large, cisgendered male from a large northern city who lives in a mountain town and go skiing. And you are a beautiful African American woman from North Carolina.

Skippy Mesirow: 06:35

And there may be assumptions that we don't share much, but what I loved about getting ready for this episode is how much we actually have in common in our experiences, in our work, in what we care about. And I thought it would be fun to start with your journey. And your grandparents are really critical part of your journey. They're a huge part of my journey. And we both have an Arthur in our grandparent tree.

Skippy Mesirow: 07:04

And I thought we could maybe just start yeah. My grandfather who's really my role model, the one person in my family who just continues to posthumously inspire me every day, who I wear in ink on my body. I thought we'd start with some grandparents. Can you tell us a little bit about yours and your relationship?

Shakeyla Ingram: 07:24

Absolutely. So I grew up in my grandparents' barbershop, and that taught me the SSF community. Everybody goes to the barbershop. Everybody goes to a barbershop. The judges that are judges today, they were starting out as attorneys, like, reading books to me and my playpen at the barbershop.

Shakeyla Ingram: 07:47

And I can say, right and so what's funny is my grandparents were night and day, so far different from each other. And and so my my grandfather, his clientele base were, like, the the police chiefs, the judges, and the mayors. And my grandmother, her clientele was, like, the street guys and the ones that are, you know, what most would say running from the police or whatever. And when you have those 2 as grandparents and the personality that they have, my grandfather was very quiet, very to himself. He didn't say much, but when he spoke, he spoke.

Shakeyla Ingram: 08:27

Right?

Skippy Mesirow: 08:27

When granddaddy spoke, granddaddy spoke.

Shakeyla Ingram: 08:29

Yeah. And so if it was Shaquille cut the front yard, Kiki cut the backyard, that was it. My grandmother, Gloria, she was this small little thing and just feisty, fierce, bold. We'll cuss you out in a second and we'll still do for you and will still do for you. She gave a lot of jobs to a lot of guys who were, like, just, you know, getting out of prison and whatnot.

Shakeyla Ingram: 09:02

And so my well, my grandfather didn't really like that. She believed in the second chance for people. I know that there were some homeless individuals that, you know, how they get SSI, Social Security income. She would help them monitor their spending because if somebody knows you're getting checked, you can easily get jumped. And so she will help them monitor it.

Shakeyla Ingram: 09:27

You got your toiletries for the week. You got this, but don't get on her bad side.

Skippy Mesirow: 09:32

So there's a so different slightly different universe, but very similar theme. So my grandfather grew up in Southern Illinois, rural town, only Jewish family. One of many brothers as was the case back then, only one that comes up north to Chicago, to the big city, wants to be a doctor, which was something I mean, like, when you think about the history of racism, antisemitism had to legally change his name so that when they viewed the application, they didn't turn it down for a Jewish name. Something we wouldn't think of today, but still happens to a lot of people with traditionally black names today. And he gets to go to med school because my grandmother works the switchboards and pays for him to go.

Skippy Mesirow: 10:22

But then once he has that position and he's able to start making some money, she goes back to school and gets a graduate degree in economics, and she handles all the finances. Right? And it's just what I'm hearing is sort of a similar thing where Arthur had to, because he was male at the time, start the business, but then grandma's coming in. Gloria's coming in with the fire to really make it work.

Shakeyla Ingram: 10:46

And so it was and then the going joke in the community was, she's a better barber than him, which which actually was kinda true. You know? You know, she and she was the teaching barber in the barbershop. So she would take in women barbers, and, I mean, she would even move them into the house. And I'd be like, why are they here?

Shakeyla Ingram: 11:10

And she like, no. I'm helping them. They need to learn, and they don't have any wells to go, and they're gonna be barbers. They're gonna go out and do great things. And so that pair truly helped me understand the essence of community.

Skippy Mesirow: 11:23

What was the meaning that you made in your own life from watching her give and serve others in that way? What was your takeaway without having to be right or wrong? What did you make that mean for you?

Shakeyla Ingram: 11:40

Give love no matter what. Give love, give care no matter what. Understanding that not everyone always has what I may have. And I may not have what they have. You know, it can easily switch.

Shakeyla Ingram: 11:59

And understanding, being able to listen, but most importantly, give love.

Skippy Mesirow: 12:07

Yeah. Now I'm curious. This is certainly the case for me. It's not the case for everyone, but it does tend to be the case that when young children have very strong bonds with grandparents, that comes paired with less strong bonds with parents. And I wonder what your relationship was like with your parents, and I'm happy to share my experience too.

Shakeyla Ingram: 12:29

Yeah. So very close with my mom in a sense of a friendship and still like mom. My dad, that one's a little interesting. It's a little interesting. It it was it's more obligation.

Shakeyla Ingram: 12:47

And he's very present in my life, very present in my life, but more in the obligation way. And so it's like a box checker. But now I'm learning to like, I had to go through some healing. I had to, like, okay, say, if I want this relationship to be this with my dad, then I need to insert the effort. So I'll call and say, hey.

Shakeyla Ingram: 13:09

You wanna go for a walk with me somewhere, or do you wanna go grab something to eat and just try to spend that time with my dad?

Skippy Mesirow: 13:18

So I grew up in a a divorced household, very messy, very long. So I had a good relationship with my dad growing up, but limited time. I would never live with him. And later in life, he chose to divorce me effectively. So didn't talk to him for I may be getting this wrong, but I'm gonna say 7 years, something like that.

Skippy Mesirow: 13:40

And I'm I'm also in that process now, not being on the other side, but in a more evolved place of understanding of where he came from and how I contributed to that. I've been trying to engage in some of that healing, and, so I've been reaching out once a quarter, just opening the door, and he's not been interested or willing at this point. He's expressed long term interest, but not immediate interest, and so I kinda relate to that. Did were your are your parents still together?

Shakeyla Ingram: 14:17

God. No. And I have

Skippy Mesirow: 14:18

oh, no. Tell me tell me about that.

Shakeyla Ingram: 14:22

Funny enough. Funny enough. And this is why I say, god, no. I couldn't stomach it because I'm a I'm a Aries. My mom is a Sagittarius.

Shakeyla Ingram: 14:31

My dad is a Leo. We're all fire signs. We're every single one.

Skippy Mesirow: 14:38

Goes out of my depth.

Shakeyla Ingram: 14:40

Yeah. We're we're we're every single one. So, no. But I think, you know, what happens when people transition and and family things happen. And so there was a lot that happened once my grandfather transitioned.

Shakeyla Ingram: 14:55

My grandmother transitioned first and then my grandfather. And that I think that was, like, the straw that broke the camel's back in the terms of their relationship.

Skippy Mesirow: 15:05

Would you be willing to share from the little girl, like, what that felt like at the time?

Shakeyla Ingram: 15:12

Yeah. Confused, at fault, sad, frustrated, very upset with myself, maybe upset with them, my parent. Yeah. I think that's what I felt.

Skippy Mesirow: 15:29

I'm gonna ask a question that might make no sense and go nowhere. And if so, that's totally okay. But I wonder if any instance, any situation with grown shaquila on the Lafayette Council where a similar dynamic is at play. And just sitting with this and seeing if any memory pops up, whether it makes sense or not, is there anything that this reminds you of in your later life?

Shakeyla Ingram: 16:00

Yeah. I think when I was on the Fayetteville City Council, I felt most unprotected as a young black woman, and I think I felt that mostly because any and everything that I was experiencing was coming from Black men on the council. I did not I did not know how to handle that. I in my perspective or in my experience, I didn't have to deal with that with the men in my family. Yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 16:33

And I could say that the the black women that I served with, they were there in support, kinda like how my mom was. There was an instance when we were in a closed session, we were discussing something, and they were trying to do something that was, to me, it just wasn't it just wasn't ethical. You could really tell that everybody had a role to play. Everybody knew what their role was. And I said, you know, from my understanding, there was a discussion about this already.

Shakeyla Ingram: 17:10

And I think what is best is for us to go ahead and make the vote because you already know you have the votes. When I tell you chaos ensued, all the black men, once stood like raised himself up, forced himself up from the dais. I'm sick of her always talking about there's a me I mean, yelling. I'm sick of her always talking about there's a meeting before the meeting. Also, he's walking my direction.

Shakeyla Ingram: 17:44

Another at the in the same breath, another black male yelling at me over his dais and, like, pointing, you're wrong. You're wrong. And the only white lady on the board, she had to stand up, and she had to get in front of him and say, stop. Calm down. Sit down.

Shakeyla Ingram: 18:07

And I was so confused. And then at you know how you get gaslit into thinking like you you're the one that did something wrong? I was like, dang, what if did that okay. Maybe there was not a meeting before the meeting. And then it took 2 women to say, y'all owe her an apology because you know that's what happens.

Shakeyla Ingram: 18:31

We have these conversations before a meeting. And the one that stood up and said, hey, you know, sit down. She says, you know what, Shakila? You are right. We did discuss this.

Shakeyla Ingram: 18:46

We did have a meeting before the meeting. And now I'm sitting here about to cry because that just happened to me. They didn't apologize, but they said I was wrong. And what got them to truly calm down was the one council member that was sitting between them. She was like, hey.

Shakeyla Ingram: 19:12

Stop. Y'all are pastors.

Skippy Mesirow: 19:19

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 19:19

And they was like, oh, I'm so sorry. We just get so passionate, but when I get passionate, it's a problem.

Skippy Mesirow: 19:30

I think this story is so important. It illustrates something that so many of us, myself previously, just don't understand, which is childhood patterns, childhood lessons, childhood experiences show up in leadership unless we actively do the work to understand and process and release them. That could show up in this instance, and I'm not making any claims about what happened. I was not there. But just from a with a coach's hat on, there's a situation in which grown shaquila, if I can call her that, in that instance, seeing that experience that she remembers, even if it's not a cognitive memory, it's an embodied memory from 5 of this really big experience in her life becomes a little shaquila, whether she knows it or not, and is no longer responding to what's happening in the room, but is responding to the experience she had when she was 5.

Skippy Mesirow: 20:35

Right? It's a transference response. Alternatively, and maybe both and most likely both, the men in the room having shared some similar experience growing up in a similar community at a similar time with your father in a similar culture, etcetera, are responding from their trauma, whatever that is. And they're getting big and aggressive because somewhere deep down, the little one in themselves is scared. And when we don't understand that, when we don't bring it into the light, when we don't process it, then it repeats, and it shows up in real ways that keep communities from moving forward.

Skippy Mesirow: 21:18

And it's just that's why it's so important that leaders take on the responsibility to do their job best by showing up fully and addressing that stuff that's hiding in their inside.

Shakeyla Ingram: 21:33

That's major. That's major. And I think the question that I'm always asking is, what will it take? What will it take? And I can't seem to find an answer, but everybody for everyone to realize that we if we're not operating in this mindset, we're probably we're a part of the problem, and we need to figure out how we can be the solution.

Shakeyla Ingram: 22:00

But I think even in that, people feel like, oh, if I do this or if I'm operating in that way of what I experienced, that is the solution. We gotta make her feel that she's wrong, and so she's not just gonna walk in here and try to reprimand us so that everybody else that comes behind can feel can get the same understanding. Yeah. I don't I

Skippy Mesirow: 22:25

was listening to a a speaker, Indian woman, the other day speaking to some giant conference of people. And what she said is when challenging I'm gonna call it challenging energy comes in towards us. When someone screams at us or projects at us, whatever that is, we have 3 options. We can reflect it, which is we can take it and throw it right back at them. Fuck you.

Skippy Mesirow: 22:48

You're wrong. Right? You're the problem. Mhmm. You're the problem.

Skippy Mesirow: 22:53

We can absorb it, shut down, take it in. It dies there, but a little part of us dies with it, or we can transform it. We can take it in, apply the work ourselves, and invite someone else to do the same through our example. And I wonder even if it wasn't immediate or and probably wasn't immediately in that meeting or even immediately following it, but in the time that has since passed between then and now, in what way, knowing you and making an assumption, in what way have you transformed it?

Shakeyla Ingram: 23:32

The relationships.

Skippy Mesirow: 23:35

The experience from that council meeting. How have you turned that into a teacher in some way that opens the possibility for others to do the same?

Shakeyla Ingram: 23:49

Encouraging them to show up no matter what. I I from that instance well, not necessarily from that instance. I think a a year had gone by, and it was just like war. It was war. And I tried to sit down with them, and I said, hey, this is what's going on, so on.

Shakeyla Ingram: 24:14

Can we? And there was there was some resolve, but not from everybody.

Skippy Mesirow: 24:19

Yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 24:20

And so what I learned was, okay. I'm gonna have to lead in this mindset. I'm gonna have to and it hurt me more than anything. And so what I have been attempting to express to others that may come from me and just to discuss, like, conflict resolution, because that's essentially what it was, conflict resolution. I go back to the foundation of why you're here in the first place.

Shakeyla Ingram: 24:51

And I think the only thing that I have chosen to talk is that you must show up in a way that suits your leader persona, but also your inner you. At that time, I was only showing up in my leader persona, not thinking about the the effects of my my inner me.

Skippy Mesirow: 25:17

Funny. I had a a similar experience. It's actually very funny. It's so similar in the childhood patterning that led to the response and the outcome and how I worked it. Different set of characters, but we were working on a very large affordable housing project, and there was an effort to go out to the community to get feedback.

Skippy Mesirow: 25:41

And I was fairly early in my career. I was entirely using your language in my leader persona. I didn't really know anything else yet at the time. I hadn't learned how to have enough confidence in my inner direction to be willing to do that. I was still scared of what other would say or how I'd be perceived or would I do the right thing.

Skippy Mesirow: 26:02

So I was in the leader persona, and the leader persona is a forcing persona. It's a you will do this. I will make this happen. It can be a manipulative persona, and it's an isolated persona. And so I went to my supporters, to the community members who wanted to see that housing happened, and we created a strategy for how people would respond to the survey to receive the most housing, the most density on the lot.

Skippy Mesirow: 26:28

And I genuinely thought I had done my job at that point. I'm in leader persona. Great. I'm demonstrating the need, and we go forward. Right?

Skippy Mesirow: 26:36

Look at me. So good at doing that. I'm the hero of the journey. And we got to the meeting, and I got screamed at also by a standing councilwoman who was in her oh, I hope I don't get this wrong. I'm gonna say 60, but a mature, powerful woman who I have a ton of respect for.

Skippy Mesirow: 26:58

And her streaming was that I was going around their backs, that I was colluding the process, that I was I was forcing something, that I was being selfish and self interested. And it triggered for me all those same feelings because I had that angry. And if I'm being totally honest, like larger older woman, like, that was the archetype. Right? That was the visual that I that cued me from childhood.

Skippy Mesirow: 27:26

And so I totally went into the defense pattern as well, got angry, then shut down, Ended up being on, like, the 3rd page of the major state paper with photo, the whole thing. And I think it was like councilwoman gives councilman tongue lashing some, you know, ridiculous headline. And it was hard to process that in the moment. I didn't get it, but as I was able to reflect on that and bring my I don't remember the word you used, but my internal leadership, my internal locust, my heart centered leader to it, I could ask the tough questions of, was any part of what she was saying right? Is that what triggered me?

Skippy Mesirow: 28:14

And it took a long time, but from that place, I was able to recognize there was some truth in what she was saying. And it was really a catalyst for me to make amends, to ask questions about how I could lead differently from the heart, where instead of making a plan of what I wanted to get done and then trying to force it, going out to others and asking, what's really important to you? And not fawning or, placating, but just looking for the 5%, 30% of things where that totally agreed with what I wanted to do and what I thought was right. And then being able to focus on those things, support them, celebrate them for those things. And people like that.

Skippy Mesirow: 29:07

Right? It feels good, and it took a lot of time to rebuild trust. But as a result of many things, but amongst them, the learnings that I took from that, not making it about her and blaming her, but the learnings that I took, even though I wasn't the only one who contributed, far from it, Right. Which she later came to share as well and apologize for, which I appreciated. You know, it ended up that project added a lot of density, and it was a huge learning experience for me, but I think really mirrors what you're talking about and the healing that's possible in the container.

Skippy Mesirow: 29:45

And the recognition that, you know, public service and romantic relationships are probably the 2 things in this world that apply the most pressure to whatever your preexisting trauma patterns are in a wildly public way. And that is horrifying and scary and fearful, but it is the best fucking highlighter in the world for your shit. It is. It will show you exactly what you have to work on if you choose to let it, and it's really a gift in that way.

Shakeyla Ingram: 30:15

That's very true. That's very true. There's something that you have I you've talked you like, you said trust. And you Mhmm. So one of the things that I always found hard to do was trust in politics.

Shakeyla Ingram: 30:32

I would be in a meeting, and we would all come to a a consensus. And then we all leave the meeting, and now it's 5 people trying to plot against what what we all said because it seems to serve, you know, this greater good. And so how can I trust you? You know? I had a vote one time, and it was for my community, and it was for what I was fighting for.

Shakeyla Ingram: 30:58

Council members hijacked it, went and had a meeting without me about what I had been fighting for, and they came out with a lesser option of what I had been fighting for. And I didn't go for it. But because I had relationships with our state senators, I was able to get a full build out of what I was wanting and what not just what I was wanting. Let me be clear. It was what the community was wanting and had been begging for over 30 years.

Shakeyla Ingram: 31:30

And so it just I never could find space to trust. And so when I lost my election, and though I was like, you know, of course, hoping I was win, but at the same time, I think a part of me didn't care to to really win. I think I was just still hurt that it was because a friend ran against me. But so when I lost,

Skippy Mesirow: 31:56

I

Shakeyla Ingram: 31:56

was like, alright. Cool. Because I just my heart could not take anymore trying to go against against my ethics, trying to go against what my heart is saying. And it just I just didn't think it was fair to my inner self. It was cool from my leadership persona because homegirl likes to throw down.

Shakeyla Ingram: 32:17

You know? But it just wasn't cool for the inner me.

Skippy Mesirow: 32:20

Yeah. And from reading your book, it sounds like we share an internal duality of part of our persona being very I don't wanna say fight oriented, but challenge oriented. Mhmm. We like to break norms and conventions. We look for the unconventional.

Skippy Mesirow: 32:39

That's very much part of our makeup, standing up to power, standing up for the little person that's hardwired in us, but there's also a part of us that really desires to be of community included, wanted, desired, welcomed, safe. Mhmm. And those two internal parts can be intentioned. Does that with each other. Does that land for you in any way?

Shakeyla Ingram: 33:03

That does. Absolutely.

Skippy Mesirow: 33:04

I don't know if you're familiar with the, like, the concept of patterns, but there's, like, patterns and then there's values. And these are things that we learn as little ones. Values are the thing that guide us that when we're in our most heart centered, aligned, safe place, psychologically safe place that really lead us and it mean the most to us. Patterns are the unconscious behaviors that we learned either from mimicking what parents did or in opposition to them. The actions themselves don't need to be bad or good.

Skippy Mesirow: 33:36

What makes them patterns is that they're like an unconscious response. So it could be something like perfectionism. Right? I learned to receive love or acceptance from my parents. I have to be perfect.

Skippy Mesirow: 33:47

Could be something like a freeze response. Like, when I get yelled at, I just totally shut down. That's how I stay safe. Same. Can you identify, like, both the values that you think you carried forward from your youth as well as some of the patterns that have been hardest for you to work with?

Shakeyla Ingram: 34:08

Giving love when it's not giving back. Not not being able to or or being forced to go against what I believe ethically. And I think that comes from watching or seeing failed relationships, those back and forth failed relationships. And and it and it's and it's a pattern that has played out where, oh, I care. I care.

Shakeyla Ingram: 34:38

And so, for instance, a councilwoman, she said, why do you continue to give the mayor a chance? And he, every time, throws you out to dry. And I and just in my heart, I'm like, I just believe in second chances for people. I just believe he'll get it right. And never happens.

Shakeyla Ingram: 35:00

So I think those are some of the ways, some of the values and patterns, and I can say that I do I do battle with, like, bipolar depression. And so being able to know that I have that bright spirit and that high energy, it does make it somewhat easier for me on my lower days to just, you know, yeah, I'd better take, pray about it and, like, get get up get up and fight. But I think for me, like, love and ethics are just what I've carried through my life.

Skippy Mesirow: 35:35

I I picked up on something you were saying there in relationship to your bipolar diagnosis, which I know happened after you left office as it normally does for people. It's it's it's later in life.

Shakeyla Ingram: 35:47

That was while I was in office.

Skippy Mesirow: 35:48

Heard you say.

Shakeyla Ingram: 35:49

It was while I was

Skippy Mesirow: 35:50

in office. You were in office.

Shakeyla Ingram: 35:51

Sorry to interrupt. But, yep, it was while I was in office.

Skippy Mesirow: 35:53

Did that no. I think that's a good record. Correct. Did you share that with anyone at the time?

Shakeyla Ingram: 35:58

Yeah. I shared it with, like and I guess in politics, they call you call it your kitchen cabinets. I shared it with them, so it was, like, 5 people. And then I shared it with 2 2 of the women on my board. So they knew.

Skippy Mesirow: 36:15

And was that received?

Shakeyla Ingram: 36:16

Yeah. So that's the that's the thing. So my parents knew. And, oh, where's my tissue? You know Take as

Skippy Mesirow: 36:27

much time as you need.

Shakeyla Ingram: 36:29

It was a positive response. And I remember one is that sticks well with me was, it's okay to know how your mind and emotions work.

Skippy Mesirow: 36:43

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 36:44

And I think Yeah. What what happens is when you get a response like that, you don't realize that, oh, okay. There's really nothing wrong with me. I just operate differently. What you hear a lot of times is, oh, you know, this is bipolar depression, they're crazy, they're this and whatnot.

Shakeyla Ingram: 37:10

And so every single person that I told that was not a family member had nothing but a, a positive response. If I would call them and, you know, of course, like, I'm I'm big on making somebody your person. If I would call them and express, hey. I'm feeling this way, I can guarantee that I'm getting I'm getting calls throughout the day or, you know, text.

Skippy Mesirow: 37:39

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 37:39

Hey. You wanna go out to lunch or something like that, which was I just didn't expect that. I didn't. I I to be honest, I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect a positive response.

Skippy Mesirow: 37:56

That's beautiful. I'm happy to hear that. But for someone who does think of bipolar people are crazy, to use your words, what's actually true? Like, what does it actually mean to what is the experience of being bipolar for you?

Shakeyla Ingram: 38:11

Mhmm. So so what's funny is my psychiatrist because and I kept saying it. My I said, oh my god. I'm bipolar. And I'm bipolar.

Shakeyla Ingram: 38:21

She was like, no. You're not. She just she said, you just have a high and low range of which your emotions will operate. And most times, they are triggered by certain experiences. And I said, okay.

Shakeyla Ingram: 38:38

And so we laid out my experiences, and we began to figure out what those triggers were. And so, I just get real sad, you know, sometimes. I just I just get real sad, and I just don't wanna talk to anybody. It does not mean that, you know, there's significantly something wrong with you. It honestly truly means is that, like, your emotions are a bit more sensitive.

Skippy Mesirow: 39:11

What are some of the other techniques that you proactively have found to work to mediate or mitigate the depressive side of symptoms? What I heard there is nature exposed, like being outside. I heard exercise, physical activity, and I heard travel. And and you talk about how you're wrapping it in. What are some of the other things you found and being a, highly scheduled I don't like the word busy.

Skippy Mesirow: 39:38

Highly scheduled because it's a choice person. How do you ensure that you're able to do those things?

Shakeyla Ingram: 39:47

I put everything on my calendar. Time block. Time block. Also, I I struggle to get out of the bed in the mornings, not because, like, that's a, like, a bipolar depression thing, but because I like working from the bed. I can I have a whole desk situation where I will just prop up?

Skippy Mesirow: 40:10

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 40:11

But, also, it's not healthy for me to do that. If I get a phone call at the start of my day, also, I don't I try not to be on my phone for at least an hour after I wake up because I'm probably gonna stick around in bed for about 30 minutes to 45 minutes after I wake up. And so if I get a call that's just gonna trigger me, that means I'm gonna be in bed for the rest of the day. And I don't I don't I don't want that. I like to FaceTime.

Shakeyla Ingram: 40:41

I love to FaceTime my friends and, like, be nosy and see what they are doing. They don't know that that is a way for me to, like, kinda keep my scenery changing. Well, they they'll know when this airs, but they don't know that that's that's a way that I'd like Surprise. Right. That I'm like but I love to

Skippy Mesirow: 41:03

also my service dog. Right.

Shakeyla Ingram: 41:06

But they're always like they're all like but I also love checking up on my friends. I love to talk to my friends. I like to see my friends. Like, if I'm friends with somebody, like, I like them. I love them.

Shakeyla Ingram: 41:17

I wanna see them. And so that is an that is a way. I'm a nosy neighbor, and so a lot of my work is done at home. And so I'll take my little 15 minute breaks, and I'll go outside and be nosy and see what the neighbors are doing. Like, as we get older, we have to find new things that bring us joy.

Shakeyla Ingram: 41:38

For me, I have to find new things to to try and, like, keep me up to speed with being proactive.

Skippy Mesirow: 41:44

Just at the risk of being redundant because it's I think it's such great advice. So one, you have a practice of noticing when a depression is coming on. 2, you have environmental cues that you know make it more likely that a depression is coming on. For instance, the seasons change, shorter days. And I will tell you, I'm in a men's group.

Skippy Mesirow: 42:07

There are 6 of us. None of us that I'm aware of have this diagnosis. All of us come December are talking about how we're feeling down. So this is just an amplification of a normal trend. These interventions really work for anyone.

Skippy Mesirow: 42:22

You don't have to have a diagnosis of any kind to have these things be effective. So you're you're using these tools for recognition of the pattern, and then the interventions include being outside more, exercising more. I can't highlight that one enough. There was one thing that I if I had to drop everything but one thing, exercise 100%, leading indicator. Travel, so being in new places, which also relates to novelty seeking, which you said trying new things makes sense.

Skippy Mesirow: 42:52

You're getting the brain out of its old habits, out of its ridges, and into new behaviors. Social ability, FaceTiming friends, seeing the actual face, being curious about their experience, getting out of your experience and into their experience, and then, limiting electronics. I do the same thing. No electronics first hour in the morning. Life changing.

Shakeyla Ingram: 43:13

Mhmm.

Skippy Mesirow: 43:13

Truly life changing. So those are 6 significant bullets and intervention points. And to make those happen within the scope of a highly scheduled day, calendar what you care about, folks. Put it in there, and once it's in there, that's it. It's immutable.

Skippy Mesirow: 43:31

And you can plan ahead. I wanna go back to something you said. I think this is actually fascinating and might be a process that others can follow as well. You talked about working with, I think, your psychiatrist when you were questioning whether you had bipolar to identify your triggers. Can you walk us through what that process looked like at a very tactical specific level so that someone else could identify their own triggers?

Skippy Mesirow: 43:57

And if you're willing to share what you identified just so it illustrates what's possible for folks, I think that would be really helpful because some people might not even know Mhmm. What a trigger is or what they're looking for.

Shakeyla Ingram: 44:08

Yeah. So for instance, I'll use one because I I'm I think I'm experiencing this right now, which is endings. I don't do well with endings. So after my grandfather passed away, I went through a really bad depression. When I lost a friend some years ago, I went through a really bad depression.

Shakeyla Ingram: 44:25

And so now, like, 2 days ago, I was, like, really sad and crying because I was like, I think I'm losing a friend. And, so what we did is we started with things that I already know about me. I'm not good with endings. I hate endings. So we started with that, and she's just said, alright.

Shakeyla Ingram: 44:48

Let's go to childhood. Talk to me about it. What are some instances where you felt this and then it made you feel this way? And we started walking through that. And then, I think another piece for me is, like, not feeling adequate or loved or wanted.

Shakeyla Ingram: 45:06

That's always that's a trigger for me. But I've I've been able to work through that. I think a lot of that has to do with self care, self love, self confidence, and truly needing to love yourself first.

Skippy Mesirow: 45:18

As you're going through the process of identifying triggers, from my experience, 2 things 2 things can happen, and I'm curious how you dealt with these in the sessions. The first is, let's call them false positives. So there was something that was challenging that you have a memory of, but it's just a normal response to a challenging condition that didn't leave a pattern or a trigger. How did you when you arrived at and named and gave voice to something that happened, how did you identify if this is truly a trigger versus just a normal response that didn't stick with you into adulthood?

Shakeyla Ingram: 45:55

When I no longer had a emotional response to it.

Skippy Mesirow: 45:59

What was the practice of sitting with the thing that you pulled up then?

Shakeyla Ingram: 46:02

Meditation. Meditation and journaling. There was a time in my life when I lived in Georgia. I was very isolated from Fayetteville, North Carolina. Very isolated.

Shakeyla Ingram: 46:18

And so I could pick and choose what I was able to care about. And so that could have been my family. That could have you know, I was only concerned about what was, like, in my immediate circle, which was in Georgia. And I did not allow it to cause me any type of emotional stress because that is, like, the base of, you know, bipolar depression being triggered emotionally. You know?

Shakeyla Ingram: 46:48

And so I think for me, that was it.

Skippy Mesirow: 46:54

Yeah. So as these things come up, you name them.

Shakeyla Ingram: 46:58

Mhmm.

Skippy Mesirow: 46:58

You're then sitting with them in your own mind in silence. You're maybe processing on the page what happened. And following that practice, if a charge remains strong, you're labeling that as a trigger. And if it dissipates, then you're recognizing, okay. That was just a a challenging experience, and that's sort of how that differentiation happened.

Shakeyla Ingram: 47:18

Yeah. Yes. Mhmm.

Skippy Mesirow: 47:20

That makes sense to me.

Shakeyla Ingram: 47:22

Yeah. And and to me. The the way part a lot of it is talking to yourself about it. Because if you're not being honest with yourself, you can't walk into a doctor's office and be honest with them. And a lot of the work is a lot of that work is done on your own, is done with you.

Skippy Mesirow: 47:42

We can only work with what is, and I don't know if you're familiar with the work of Byron Katie, but it filters into my coaching work a lot and our coaching work, a lot, which is, anytime you're fighting with reality, you lose. We have to be willing to open eyed in bravery, meet what really is, however challenging, however shameful, and shame is something you can process, because it just is. Shame is a story we put on top of it that doesn't need to be there, but we often feel it. And it it's an impediment to being with it. So now you have identified these things.

Skippy Mesirow: 48:18

Did you find it was important for you to do this with someone, a psychotherapist, a coach, a friend? Is this work that you could have done on your own once you understood how it worked? What what's your relationship to the supported and or solo nature of this work?

Shakeyla Ingram: 48:38

Well, I did it I did it with a plan in mind. Want to do the work on my own because I knew I knew I knew, like, I knew the person that I wanted to be. I knew the woman, like, that was the thing. When I went through, like, my the severe depression, which got me back to Fayetteville, I and what was so crazy was I ended up running for, like, counsel, like, a few months later. I knew what that woman looked like on the other side.

Shakeyla Ingram: 49:11

I just had to figure out how to get there. And so I was just like, alright. Cool. So I got myself through it, and at that time, I didn't have the diagnosis. I didn't have the diagnosis.

Skippy Mesirow: 49:24

Right.

Shakeyla Ingram: 49:25

I I had a therapist, and then I stopped going to therapy because I had I did the work. And I ran for council. I won. And then a year later, I was, like, back at ground 0 because Yeah. I got elected in December 2019.

Shakeyla Ingram: 49:47

My grandmother had passed away July 2018. So that was so from I decided to run for office in November of 2018. So all of 2019 was the first 6 months was still grieving and deciding to run and preparing to run. And then to get elected sworn in December 9 2019. And then March, COVID, stuck in the house.

Shakeyla Ingram: 50:17

I can't be active. I can't do anything. 3 months more after that, social unrest.

Skippy Mesirow: 50:26

Yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 50:27

And so now I'm like, I'm I'm melting on the inside. I'm melting. I don't have anything together, but I have to put it together. I have to make it look like it's together.

Skippy Mesirow: 50:39

And now a quick break from our sponsors, and we'll be right back to the show. This episode is supported by Elected Leaders Collective Foundation donor, Moon Song Fund. Thank you. Without you, this show would not be possible and express the deepest gratitude for your giving. And if you out there want to see more of this content, you too can give like the Moon Song Fund by going to electedleaderscollective.com, clicking the donate button, and receiving your tax benefit.

Skippy Mesirow: 51:17

The Healing Our Politics podcast is brought to you by the Elected Leaders Collective, the first leading and most highly recognized name in mental health, well-being, and performance coaching for elected leaders and public servants designed specifically for you. Now don't be fooled by the name. The elected leaders collective is not just for elected leaders. It is for all public servants, staffers, volunteers, government, nonprofit, whole organizations. This is for you.

Skippy Mesirow: 51:52

If you are filled with passion for improving your community and world but are tired as I am of the anger, stress, and vitriol, if you find yourself banging your head against that same wall, struggling with the incoming criticism and threats, arguing with colleagues who are supposed to be on your team, and questioning if it's even worth it any more than the elected leaders collective programming is specifically for you. With the elected leaders collective, you will learn to become a hashtag political healer, building the authentic unshakable confidence and courage to stay true to yourself through the anger and pressure while cultivating the open empathetic mind to meet others with curiosity, compassion, and kindness necessary to respond to threats, improve challenging relationships, deescalate conflict, and bring people in your community together to solve real problems and get shit done. You'll reduce stress, anxiety, and overwhelm and become a more effective leader while having time for your family, yourself, your health, and your wealth, sleeping well at night, and showing others they can too. Now that's leadership. Healing our politics listeners receive 10% off all elected leaders collective services using the code hashtag political healer.

Skippy Mesirow: 53:16

Use it today and become one of the brave political leaders healing our politics. Use code hashtag political healer by going to www.electedleaderscollective.com and starting today. That's www.electedleaderscollective.com and starting today. Yeah. I mean, the the conditions at the time preclude so many of your go to mitigation techniques.

Skippy Mesirow: 53:42

You can't go outside. You can't exercise. You can't travel. You can FaceTime, but you can't see friends in person. That's really tough.

Skippy Mesirow: 53:50

And I'm sure if your experience was anything like mine being in elected office during COVID, the idea of I won't use electronics for the first hour is a joke.

Shakeyla Ingram: 53:57

A whole joke.

Skippy Mesirow: 53:58

Like, you got responsibilities that is life and death that you are using that device.

Shakeyla Ingram: 54:02

Yeah. Skippy, listen. So before COVID, my foot foot was to pavement at by 4:30 AM running. Minimum of 5 miles, probably will get 7. Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Skippy Mesirow: 54:19

That's wild.

Shakeyla Ingram: 54:20

13 miles on Saturday. That was my life. COVID hit. I didn't I stopped doing yoga, and I was a yoga guru. Like, it it would piss off my counsel for me to post pictures of me doing yoga.

Shakeyla Ingram: 54:39

Piss them off.

Skippy Mesirow: 54:40

Some projection.

Shakeyla Ingram: 54:41

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And so I lost all of that. And then my district is taking the the greatest hit.

Shakeyla Ingram: 54:52

The market house is on fire. And you have and now we're dealing with race now. I've got some tall white man sitting here telling me this pointing in my face. This is all your fault. We gotta protest now.

Shakeyla Ingram: 55:09

We gotta be outside. So at no point, I was I think I was in autopilot.

Skippy Mesirow: 55:16

Yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 55:17

It was just doing.

Skippy Mesirow: 55:18

Yeah. And when you apply the work, right, the internal work, part of what you learn sticks with you, whether those are techniques or observational understanding, and you have to keep doing the work.

Shakeyla Ingram: 55:32

Yep.

Skippy Mesirow: 55:33

You know, I think of I think of, like, cleanliness. Right? Like, you can't shower once and then expect that to work forever. Or if you think about a sports analogy, you could learn how to catch a football, how to make a jump cut, etcetera. And you will still know how to do those things if you stop playing.

Skippy Mesirow: 55:50

But if you go out and you haven't played for 2 years, you're not going to do it very well. And so you really do have to establish your regular daily practice, especially when things go awry.

Shakeyla Ingram: 56:04

Absolutely. Absolutely. I agree. I agree. And so for me, it it just it was so much happening at once.

Shakeyla Ingram: 56:15

It was so much.

Skippy Mesirow: 56:17

Yeah. What would have been the 3 things that were hardest that you kinda knew going in would be something you'd had to deal with, but you didn't realize maybe to what degree or in what way it would be challenging for you? Yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 56:33

Dealing with the dealing with the elected officials that I have looked up to and did community activations with. So some of them were still on the board, and so I'm thinking, oh, I got I got partnerships in here. I got, I can be collaborative with these individuals. Nope. That's the main thing.

Shakeyla Ingram: 56:58

I mean, I led community healing events with them, with some of them. I've sat on panels with some of them, like in my early twenties. And so and what's funny is one one elected official, he never really gave me any trouble. He he's been there so long, He used to campaign in my grandparents' barbershop.

Skippy Mesirow: 57:22

Oh, wow.

Shakeyla Ingram: 57:22

Yeah. And so he came in with welcoming arms. But the others, it was, it was hard. And I did not expect that. When I when I was still living in Atlanta, there were some things that the the mayor was experiencing.

Shakeyla Ingram: 57:37

Well, his this was him running for mayor the first time. And so from Atlanta, I I started making calls trying to, you know, get him elected. And one of my biggest things when I left Atlanta was I'm going to go help mayor. That didn't pan out. So, yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 57:54

I think that was it. Serving with the people that I looked up to.

Skippy Mesirow: 58:02

In your later years in office or following the loss, and being out of office, can you just sketch for us sort of what the process has looked like of reclaiming and reinvesting in the inner work, the self work?

Shakeyla Ingram: 58:22

Yeah. So the I'm still going through it, Skippy. I can say a part of me feels like I've been having, like, an identity crisis, because I've been for 4 years straight, I was doing this one thing. Of course, my other stuff, but I was doing this thing for 4 years straight. And, oh, me and my best friends were on FaceTime 2 nights ago, or it's probably yesterday.

Shakeyla Ingram: 58:53

And we were talking about it, and I said, y'all, I I started a new puzzle. No. No. No. They said, well, you gotta find new things to, you know, have interest in.

Shakeyla Ingram: 59:04

And so they were talking about community things to to have interest in. And so I said, I started a new puzzle, and I showed them my puzzle. And they was like, nah. We're talking about new things for you to have interest in getting into the community. And I said, you know, what's so funny is I don't know how.

Shakeyla Ingram: 59:26

I just don't know how. I don't know if there is because I don't have the interest. I don't know if it's because there's trauma attached to this community that I you know, from me and the community, I don't know how. And I know for me that I have been taking a step back from what I'm used to doing to transitioning into things that I, one, have experience with that I know needs a solution. For instance, if this was a different type of podcast dealing with politics, I most likely would not have said yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:00:06

But because I recognize that we need healing in our politics and that's a discussion that needs to be had, absolutely, I'm gonna be here. So, yeah, I I'm still trying to figure this out, Skippy. I know that I know that, like, where I live now, which is my grandmother's, home, I'm already like, oh, we need a crosswalk here. And then was I'm also the I'm on the board for the Friendship Community Gardens, which is I can walk to it. So I'm like, okay.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:00:46

I can I can still grow in my garden bed? I can be in community that way. And I'm I'm trying to pace myself because I know that when I get back out there into the community, you know what that does. Oh, she's gonna run for office again. What is she getting ready to do?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:01:06

And it's none of that. I just still want to have that self fulfillment for service.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:01:12

Such that you don't feel alone in this experience. Yeah. Since I lost my reelection, my response has been very similar. I had spent, you know, over a decade prior to becoming a city council person, being highly invested and highly visible in my community in a number of different ways and roles, and I kinda disappeared for 6 months. Like, I was there, but unless you were on a running trail or at my house for a dinner that my partner and I were cooking, you probably didn't see me.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:01:45

And on one side, I think I do have some some emotional residue and emotional hangover of how much I invested in not just time, but my heart in the community and felt like it just wasn't it wasn't aligned. And so wanting to prioritize putting my time into things that are equally as impactful but are more likely to be successful. And so that's why we're on this podcast. That's why I'm a master coach now. Like, I don't have to push rocks up hills.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:02:27

I just follow what people are asking for, and then I watch their service expand and their joy expand, and that feels really nice. But I'm also I am keeping myself out of community in a way that I know isn't forever, and I've actually already said to my partner this summer, this has to change because this is such a big part of me. But I I had the same experience. And then selfishly, which I think I get to refill my cup a bit on community, you know, I live in what is for me the most amazing place on earth. Like, I love my town.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:02:59

It is remarkable for all of its challenges. I love it. And it became harder to see that while I was in office. Yes. Because right?

Skippy Mesirow: 01:03:10

Is that did you feel that as well?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:03:12

To leave just to go have fun.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:03:15

Yeah. I mentioned anxiety is is a thing. Yeah. That was like that's my version of of bipolar. Right?

Skippy Mesirow: 01:03:22

And, to this day, even though I'm well out of office, no one's gonna well, not no one. Most people aren't gonna bother me with political things now. The place that is most guaranteed, almost a 100% hit rate to put me into an anxiety space, the grocery store, as soon as I show up at the grocery store. Right? Because I remember what it used to be like to try to find groceries, and it's like, I'm gonna be here for 3 hours, and I'm not gonna just have random conversations.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:03:48

I'm gonna be having conversations about everything that's wrong. And if I go out for a trail run-in the most beautiful place in the world, if I'm getting my 5 miles in, I get stopped. Place in the world, if I'm getting my 5 miles in, I get stopped not for someone to do what they do today, which is go, god. Isn't it so amazing? Or aren't we so lucky?

Skippy Mesirow: 01:04:02

And I'm like, yeah. We're so lucky. I feel so good. It was like, what the fuck are you doing about x? Why are you messing up y?

Skippy Mesirow: 01:04:09

This is a problem here. Can you believe and it's like, just to, like, every day only hear about the problems is really tough.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:04:16

Yes. Listen. I knew I listen. I knew this was the last time somebody had done it because the election happened, like, right after. A guy walked up to me.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:04:31

We were at a celebration for all American cities because we had just won all American cities and did not say hi. And then what I felt like, I felt like, do you think you got ownership over me? Because what came out of their mouth was, you owe me some answers about that vote. What's up with that vote? What are you thinking?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:04:53

Just walked up on me like that.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:04:56

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:04:57

And I said, excuse you. Learn how to speak first. And I I knew I was, like, really past all the bull. And I am kinda like, once again, things happen for a reason because I think this term woulda looked real real different for me had because you do get you get so tired of it. I had to like, I'm very big on I don't have to travel out of my district to to really do anything.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:05:25

I grocery shop, get my nose on, hair done. All the fun is in my district. And when I found myself traveling all the way to Skybo Road just to get my nails done, I knew that, oh my gosh, there's and I don't wanna say there's, like, too much access because I actually loved when people have access to me, but there's a difference when they respect the access they have to you.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:05:49

To your point earlier, it's also our responsibility to train people how to treat us. Absolutely. And no one tells us that when we're getting into office. There's no training on that.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:05:58

That part, no one tells that. And so when I'm doing trainings, I'm telling people that. Give yourself access to people as much as you can handle and also ensure that they respect the access. If you don't do anything on Sunday, don't do anything on Sunday. The I believe there's not anything in this world that somebody should blow your phone up about that much.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:06:22

And if it's that gonna happen like that, they should be calling 911. Mhmm.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:06:28

Yeah. I'll I'll give a specific example. Early in my term, in my first couple years, when I was leading from a less conscious and less informed place, I was the person crossing the street, nearly getting hit by a car because I was just buried in my phone 24 hours a day, responding to every email immediately because something in me said this is my job. This is my responsibility. And that was super unhealthy for me.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:06:55

It didn't help my sleep. It didn't actually make me any better at responding to things. It just made me faster. It satiated maybe my ego's desire to tell people that I was responsive, but it wasn't super effective. In my 2nd or 3rd year, I switched to a batched email protocol in which I had I did a couple of things.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:07:17

I set an away message that let people know I think at the time, it was 3 times a day. Now it's once a day. But, hey, I only check my email 3 times a day. This allows me to be more present, focused, and aware of the person in front of me right now, and, like, that may be you one day. So, I will get back to you within 24 hours.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:07:39

And if it's an emergency, you can call me. So I let people know what my boundaries were. I gave them a reason for those boundaries that actually serve them. I'll do what you need better when I can focus on it intently, and I gave them an out for an emergency. Now I do think it is a right of a citizen to reach out at any time.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:08:00

That's that's what we are there for, but it's also our responsibility to set those boundaries. And I was very scared that I was going to get, you know, a flamethrower to the face for that choice. And there were 5% of people who had something snarky to say about it. But 95% of people who had a comment were like, wow. That's really awesome.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:08:20

I wish I could do that. How did you set that up? And the other thing that I did is I used a tool called inbox when ready, which allowed me to go into my email to send an email so I could get workflow done, but without seeing the unread messages. So it hides them from you unless you click a button that says show inbox, which was revelatory for me because the way my brain is wired, if I see something undone, oh my god. I'm so stressed until it's done.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:08:48

And so not having to see that, like, removed all the stress for me, but it's just a specific example of how we can set our own boundaries and, you know, people will have to adapt.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:08:58

Absolutely. Absolutely. And so I did that, I did that in my second term where I I I because it was like, got it. I sent the away message. Hey, miss Shaquille.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:09:12

I'll get back to you at this time. If it's an emergency, call these numbers. And I didn't didn't have much, you know, nothing negative came back from it. I did, you know, experience the when I'm at dinner, especially in my downtown. Oh, excuse me.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:09:31

You know, did you know when this or can you can you get help me do this? I have a mouthful of shrimp right now. You know? I can't I can't I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:09:43

But, you know, those boundaries are major. I mean, you have you have elected officials that are emailed through in the midnight Oh, yeah. Through the wee hours of the morning. And don't let it be like somebody trying to be petty. And I I would literally sit and have to text them and be like, y'all go to bed.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:10:06

Go to bed. Like, y'all are arguing about something. And what I thought was funny was the one person that would start the argument started it to create a public record. And then the person that will argue back and forth and not even realizing is really telling on themselves. So now you have a public record of you telling on yourself.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:10:32

And so I but to allow it to have that level of control over you is insane. And and while it's insane, yeah, it happens, but we gotta recognize when to catch it and stop it from having that type of control over you. Because once it gets that type of control over you, you're just doing anything. And it begins to affect, once again, your ethics. It begins to affect how you treat people, how you respond to people, and then you forget the goal.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:11:06

You forget why you're here. You forget who put you here.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:11:08

So I wanna start to move into applicable lessons learned, how these challenges became tools. And I wonder if we started with this, which is Shaquille today is going to write a very simple bullet point manual for Shaquille on day 1 of office. Like, you're gonna hand it to your your past self the day she wins the election before she takes her seat. Do these x things that I've learned, and you are going to have a much more successful, enjoyable time in office. What does the table of contents for that guide say?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:11:55

The first line item is gonna be whoever's name that is. So for me, it's gonna be my name, Shaquille Ingram. And what that will mean for me is it'll take me through, like, who I am because I think we all have to remember who we are when we start something, especially in politics. So I wanted to take it through take me through who I am, again, what are my triggers, how I operate. The next table of content is gonna be boundaries.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:12:31

The next table of content is going to be partnership. The next one would be safety. And when I say safety, all things that encompass safety, like being safe. Who's your safe space? Who are the people you feel most safe with?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:12:52

You know, your like, my kitchen cabinet, my kitchen table. And then I think I would end it with a letter. Like, I end my book with the letter. I I'm a so I get my letter writing from my great grandmother. When I lived in Atlanta, as she got older, she wanted me to, like, let her write her more so she could stay hip to the to what was going on in the world.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:13:20

And so I would write a letter to express all of the things that she that I may experience, but to remember certain key things about who who I am and what I need to do to see this through.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:13:39

So an opener with the reminder of who you are, the boundary setting around your time, emails, issues, the cultivation of safety, including who can I go to in times of challenge, and then a letter at the end with a longer form reminder of coming back to self? And then there's this piece of partnership. Can you just give us a little bit more on what that means?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:14:04

Yeah. Partnership. I think for me, I struggled with making partnerships. And the partnerships that I did end up making were trauma based partnerships. They were I was partnered I had partnerships with the 4 of the 3 other black women on council.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:14:30

We all were having the same experience. It was 5 women total, but, it it was an interesting dynamic. So we had 4 black men, 4 black women, 1 white man, 1 white woman. And me and those 3 other black women, we came together, and I think we've came together because of our lived experience and because of our makeup. And our other counterpart, I felt like she just wanted to be one of the boys.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:15:03

And so there was never any space for advocacy for us because she was playing the same game that they were playing. And and so I I wish I would have figured out how to have better, more meaningful partnerships with other council members. I knew all of their their skills. I knew what they were good for. I knew where they, you know, they probably lacked in.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:15:36

But I think at the end of it, I had partnerships where they mattered. I was able to get a full build out for a community because I had a great partnership with the with our senator.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:15:50

How did you approach people differently that yielded that shift in result?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:15:57

I think I was able to approach them in a more open open and less aggressive way.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:16:07

Yeah.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:16:07

Because I knew we all had the same interest.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:16:12

Yes.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:16:13

We all had the same interest. There was no, I'm gonna do this on the back end. Probably was, but when it came down to what I was trying to see through for this community, they were on they were on board like I was on board.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:16:27

I'd like to go through a few things that I pulled out from your book that I think might be instructive. These are kinda quick hitters of of concepts that you've identified, created, or borrowed. I'm not sure that might be helpful for others. But I think to frame it, it might be helpful. I've heard you talk about trauma, and I've heard you describe it.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:16:51

And correct me if I'm not getting this precisely right. I'm sure I'm not quoting it. But trauma are events that you don't choose, whereas healing are events that you do choose. Can you elaborate on that framework as a basis to moving into some of these concepts that you've created around healing?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:17:14

When we set out to do something, for instance, like, somebody's intention may have been good to do something or to help something, but it could have went so far

Skippy Mesirow: 01:17:25

left. Mhmm. But

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:17:26

I didn't mean to do that. Right? I didn't choose for this to happen. That's where the idea came from that. You know, for the instance where I got stood up on in a closed session, I was stating a fact.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:17:45

You had one council member that told another council member, hey. Y'all not gonna like what's gonna happen tonight. Key indicator that y'all had a meeting before this. I'm tracking what's happening. I'm seeing the roles play out.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:18:02

I'm a very observant person. I really think y'all just had a meeting before this, and I really think we just need to go ahead and stop theatrics. Mhmm. I didn't tell you to stand up and yell at me. You decided that on your own because what I said was a fact.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:18:22

However, though you did that, I'm going to choose to heal. Mhmm. Because what has happened to me, I don't wanna live with on me. Though at that time, I chose to live with it. And I when I tell you it was war, it was war.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:18:42

Like, I saw nothing but red after that. So for like a 6 months or so straight, I was like on everybody's ass. I was on everybody. There was a instance when a black male on my board says, you're out here being booty calls to so and so. We were in an argument at city hall.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:19:06

And I was just so taken back. I was just like, wait a minute. I'm what? And I stopped and then I said, I don't talk about your personal life. I don't I said, anybody that ever tries that with me, I shut it down because I'm not here for that.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:19:26

And of course, that goes against my ethics. Like, I wouldn't dare want somebody to do you like that. They denied it. But not only did they deny it, they went to their girlfriend at the time and told them that they actually said it, laughing and joking about it. And didn't think that I was gonna find out.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:19:48

But at the same time, okay, that hurt. It truly hurt. But though I did not tell you to attack me in that regard, I'm going to choose to heal because I cannot handle being triggered that way, walking around thinking, oh my gosh. This entire city thinks I'm a I'm I'm a booty call to who knows what. And I'm not even doing anything.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:20:16

I was so scared to date. I was so scared to and I hate to say it like this, Skippy, but I'm single. I'm smart. I'm beautiful. I got a shape on me.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:20:27

I got everything. You get what I'm saying? Like, so

Skippy Mesirow: 01:20:30

Confirmed. If you're in audio, confirmed, obviously.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:20:35

So, you know, I was scared to do anything because of the narrative that people will draw against you.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:20:44

Yeah. In the recent, Apolitical Foundation Mere Mortals report, how the well-being of, elected officials is being impacted, I think it's some crazy statistic. It's like, and, again, I may be slightly wrong, but it's, like, 80% of female African American elected leaders face sexual harassment. Yes. 80%.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:21:08

Yes. And didn't dawn on me what was happening to me. Did not dawn on me. I'm over here like, he really just called me back. And I was so numb.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:21:22

I was so numb. And so while all of these things are happening, but even though it has happened now and trauma is there now, I have to choose to heal. And one of the healing with methods that I tried was I I had a conversation with my therapist about it, and I said, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna call all 3 of them up, and I'm gonna offer them to come sit and have coffee so that we can talk it out. Because when I go back into session, I don't want it to be a war.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:21:53

I don't want that. It was so heavy on me. But guess what? I didn't in my mind, I was the victim here. I was the victim in my mind at the time.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:22:04

So I called the meeting, and 2 of them had the meeting together because it was the 2 that that that did the yelling at me. And I said, this is this is how I feel. This is what I think, and this is what what you did made me feel. One of them was like, this is just silly. This is just silly.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:22:27

And I'm I can't believe what I'm and, also, this is the older generation I'm talking about. So to really get them to to say that they were wrong, good luck. And then one says, he he apologized, but he he put it back on me. I really think you he said, I really think you have some some unhealed trauma with with relationships with men that you need to work out. But if I did make you feel some type of way, I I do apologize.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:23:02

I was like, oh, okay. And then I was like, this is just silly. This is just silly. Just kept saying it. And when I said I'm a I'm a yeller, they recalled one instance where I was yelling and cussing about an

Skippy Mesirow: 01:23:16

issue. Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:23:18

These are pastors now.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:23:20

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:23:21

So they took it as I was yelling and cussing at them.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:23:24

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:23:27

And so I took the opportunity to say, you know what? I'm sorry that you felt that way. That was never directed at you, and I gave them an example of when they should know is directed at them.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:23:40

So what I'm what I'm hearing is that the lack of choice in the experience and a big experience and a confronting experience, when things don't go as intended and cause harm, that's trauma, but the result the reverse of that is choosing to even in the face of that challenge, of that initial feeling of victimization, which it sounds like you no longer view yourself as the victim in that. Is that true?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:24:08

It still happened to me. So, yeah, I am. But I do have a understanding of of how everyone's role can play a part.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:24:20

And so from that place, there was a period of time where you said you were really at them. Right? So you're responding from that triggered place, but then there's a later time where you're able to step back and observe it, to see the bigger picture, to see the part that you played in it intentionally or unintentionally. And from that place of empowerment, then you can choose, and from that choice, healing happens. Is that accurate?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:24:48

Mhmm.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:24:48

Yes. Mhmm. I wanna read a quote, that I pulled up from Desmond Tutu. So if anyone's not not familiar with Desmond was part of the Peace and Reclamation Commission in South Africa following the fall of the apartheid regime where they brought people together, people who had subjugated, hurt, others, and then those who were the recipient of those actions. And it's a quote about forgiveness or understanding, but I think it applies here, which is forgiveness does not relieve someone of responsibility for what they've done.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:25:22

Forgiveness does not erase accountability. It is not about turning a blind eye or even turning the other cheek. It is not about letting someone off the hook or saying it's okay to do something monstrous. Forgiveness is simply about understanding that every one of us is both inherently good and inherently flawed. Within every hopeless situation and every seemingly hopeless person lies the possibility of transformation.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:25:48

Yeah. And to me, that summarizes in so much what you went through, and then I've got 2 other quotes I've pulled here.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:25:58

Mhmm.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:25:58

One from a woman you worked with who some people may have heard of. Her name's Oprah Winfrey. Yeah. And the quote is forgiveness is giving up on the hope that the past could have been any different. And then lastly, from Nelson Mandela, which I think is ultimately why we choose to forgive, resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:26:24

Mhmm.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:26:26

Yeah.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:26:28

And so what I hear is, like, yeah. There's plenty of fault to go around, but I'm gonna take the choice to do what I can do to free myself from having to live with that experience.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:26:40

Absolutely.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:26:42

So good. So good. Alright. Few quick hitters, things you've identified that are quotable, and I would love for you to explain what these are and anything else you wanna share about them in brief. But this idea of intentionality, what does that what is that?

Skippy Mesirow: 01:26:58

What does that mean? How do you practice it?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:27:00

Yeah. Intentionality is seeing something, knowing that that is what you want for yourself and making very, very direct actions or steps to see your way to that.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:27:19

And goal friends. What is

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:27:22

your goal friends? Girlfriends. Man, girlfriends is making sure that we we see each other. I mean, and truly see each other. I think because, you know, within our generation, we are we're profession driven.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:27:40

We're goal oriented. We're doing all of the things I think our grandparents and our ancestors would want us to do. So girlfriends is make ensuring that we see our our friends, and we are showing up for our friends in whatever their their goals are.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:28:01

One last broad question, and then we'll start to land this plane. But one of the the areas where you and I do have significant distinction in our environment is I'm fortunate now to live in a place that, you know, people have their basic needs met. Right? It's a affluent community, and so people have plenty of time to not everyone, not all the time. I mean, it's the adage where I live is you either have 3 homes or 3 jobs, and that's true.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:28:31

But even in the 3 job world, we have time to get outside, to be active, to move our bodies. And in other communities such as yourself, and correct me if I'm wrong about this, that's that's not available to a lot of folks. Like, you are really working all day every day in high stress jobs. You're not working from your computer. You're you're you're just you're in it, and it's so hard to find healing when you're in it.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:28:57

Right?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:28:58

Yeah.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:28:58

And so I wonder if you would, a, agree with that assessment, and then, b, for not just leaders in communities like that, but just humans who can't or don't have the haven't yet found the ability to extricate themselves from those that in moment to find healing, like, what advice would you have for how to heal in that environment?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:29:24

So healing in the environment you got sick in is a struggle. You will find yourself pulling back from people, from things that you are used to doing, which is completely okay because you gotta do whatever you gotta do to save you. And I will say this to you, you gotta do whatever you have to do to save you. For me, the first time I went through my severe depression where I was, like, living in Atlanta, I did not stay in that environment. It was a part of why I was becoming sick.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:30:02

I had a supervisor to tell me, well, if you wanna keep a job, you will tell your family that you'll come on such and such date. And in my brain, I was just like, you got me fucked up. You know? Like, uh-uh. My grandmother had already been in the hospital twice in in that week, and that started my down spiral because I could not be there for my grandmother.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:30:26

So you already know that that was, like, heavy on me. July came around. My therapist put me on medical leave, June June 30th. I got home July first. My grandmother passed away July 21st.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:30:45

And so I never went back. I stayed home. I stayed here in Fayetteville. So that I did not heal in the environment that I got sick in. But when I was on council, I had no other choice.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:30:56

I still had a time to serve. I literally had to pull back. I became medicated, still had to show up, and I couldn't show up and was crying all the time. And so I pulled back just to maintain, like, the balance of my mental health. But my healing journey was, it was very intimate.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:31:21

It it had to be intimate as an elected official. It had to be.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:31:26

Yeah. What I'm hearing in that as someone who's been through a 12 step program, it's like the number one thing is change your environment, and that doesn't mean you gotta go on a trip to Hawaii or move, but it does mean you don't go back to the bar. You don't hang out with the same drinking friends. And so finding even small ways to shift your physical space, your community can open a portal to different ways of thinking and healing. Final question.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:31:59

Same question to everyone on the show, which is a recognition that our audience is not are not passive observers. These are the humans in the arena. They're on the council tables. They're the citizens speaking up at meetings. They're asking for that crosswalk, whatever it may be, educating the children, giving out the presents.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:32:21

And so knowing that, if you could leave them with only one thing, one quote, one thought, one idea that would best resource them to be a vector for healing our politics, what would it be?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:32:38

Yeah. So I want to consult my book. It's simple reminder number 11, and I'm gonna paraphrase it. Right? I don't care how others may not like how you show up or how you lead.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:32:55

The journey of leadership and and being authentic and being intentional is going to be tough, and it's going to be hard. Mhmm. But you must show up. You must show up regardless. You must lead.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:33:18

You must still choose to be intentional.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:33:20

Amen. Amen, sister. Where can people find you? Where can they work with you? Where can they follow you?

Skippy Mesirow: 01:33:27

How do we find Shaquille?

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:33:30

Okay. You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok at shaquille ingram. And then my website is shaquille ingram.com. And then the book is intentionallyhere.com. But both can be accessed from each.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:33:51

Beautiful. Thank you so much for your time today, for your continued leadership, for your bravery and willingness to learn from every experience to serve others. I so appreciate you.

Shakeyla Ingram: 01:34:02

I appreciate you too, Skippy. Thank you so much for this. I mean, this is just a beautiful podcast. Thank you.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:34:12

Thank you so much for joining us today. If you wanna put what you've heard here today into practice, sign up for our newsletter, the leader's handbook, where each month you'll receive just one email with a curated selection of the most useful tools and practices discussed on this podcast today and over the course of the last month. Delivered in simple how to worksheets, videos, and audio guides. So you and your teams can try and test these out in your own life and see what best serves you. And lastly, if you wanna be a vector for healing our politics, if you wanna do your part, take out your phone right now and share this podcast with 5 colleagues you care about.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:34:55

Send a simple text, drop a line, and leave the ball in their court because the truth is the more those around you do their work, the better it will show up in your life, in your community, and in your world. Have a beautiful day. The Healing Hour Politics podcast is brought to you by the Elected Leaders Collective, the first leading and most highly recognized name in mental health, well-being, and performance coaching for elected leaders and public servants designed specifically for you. Now don't be fooled by the name. The elected leaders collective is not just for elected leaders.

Skippy Mesirow: 01:35:42

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Skippy Mesirow: 01:37:06

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