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The Moonshots Podcast goes behind the scenes of the world's greatest superstars, thinkers and entrepreneurs to discover the secrets to their success. We deconstruct their success from mindset to daily habits so that we can apply it to our lives. Join us as we 'learn out loud' from Elon Musk, Brene Brown to emerging talents like David Goggins.
00:00:07:01 - 00:00:33:09
Unknown
Hello and welcome to the Miniatures Podcast. Each episode 236 I'm your co-host, My Passions. And as always, I'm joined by the man himself, Mr. Mark Freeland. Good morning, Mark. Hey, good morning, Mike. Dialing in from the other side of the world for this podcast and video record. Well, Don and greetings. Thank you so much from me, the Moonshots family as well as our members.
00:00:33:11 - 00:01:03:14
Unknown
So being able to get into the record and keep our scheduling going. Well done, Mike. Thank you. This feels like an intergalactic intercontinental session of the Moon Shots podcast. And despite all the gusto and confidence, Mike, I'm feeling maybe just a little vulnerable. Well, I couldn't argue with you there because a lot of us, as we moving around, maybe even trying to record or learn our shows from the other side of the world, might feel a little bit vulnerable.
00:01:03:14 - 00:01:28:18
Unknown
And that's okay because the truth is, Mike, as I think we're going to find out in today's show, that's pretty common because now we have Brené Brown coming at us with her book. Well, actually, I should say CD and audio book, The Power of Vulnerability, Mike, which is all of our teachings on authenticity, connection and courage. This is a pretty it's overdue.
00:01:28:18 - 00:01:50:22
Unknown
I think it's fair to say, Mike, isn't it? And I'm just thankful. I feel we have to start the show with an act of vulnerability and saying we should have released this show years ago. Mike, I mean, this talk it was originally Brené on Ted. Ages and ages ago, like a decade ago, catapulted her to fame. She'd been studying for decades.
00:01:50:23 - 00:02:16:02
Unknown
Vulnerability, courage, guilt, shame. Authenticity. Some amazing topics that we don't talk about enough as a society. She put this talk out there and everyone was like, Oh my gosh, I'm feeling that. And we've been rather slack. Mark But if people want to know how to make sense of the world, I think acceptance and understanding that we are not perfect.
00:02:16:02 - 00:02:47:12
Unknown
Every single person has imperfections. Every single person is okay to admit that because from there you can be a better you. You can have better friendships, relationships. You can have great sense of belonging in teams and in your community. And it starts with understanding the power of vulnerability. Mark I'm so glad we have finally, finally got here as we stumble five years later to a show that we should have done very, very.
00:02:47:14 - 00:03:08:17
Unknown
I mean, it's crazy to think we've done something out of the Brené Shows, but not this one. So, Mark, I'm right. I'm ready. Let's get in there. Let's kind of set the tone. You know, like let's talk about something that doesn't get talked about nearly enough. I totally agree. And this word, this idea, this theme of vulnerability can be interpreted in a number of different ways.
00:03:08:17 - 00:03:31:23
Unknown
And a lot of us will probably go through a lot of our days or time trying to avoid it. So let's hear from Brené Brown discussing the idea of vulnerability as well as struggles with Krista Tippett and how we should all be spending our time taking a little bit more out of it and creating connections, feeling vulnerable, imperfect, and feeling vulnerable.
00:03:31:23 - 00:03:54:02
Unknown
Imperfect and afraid is human. It's when we lose our capacity to hold space for these struggles that we become dangerous. And it seemed to me that's one way to describe what is happening in our culture, in our political life. We have no space, to be honest about that, to be vulnerable, to be imperfect and afraid together. And it's become dangerous.
00:03:54:05 - 00:04:20:01
Unknown
Now, we don't, you know, on a micro level, as individuals, we're not our best selves in fear and collectively, we're certainly not our best selves. And we're in fear and thinking. We've grown weary of that. I think we're sick of being afraid. And I think there's a silent, a growing silent majority of people who are really kind of thinking at a very basic human level.
00:04:20:01 - 00:04:47:04
Unknown
I don't want to spend my days like this. I don't want to spend every ounce of energy I have ducking and weaving. I don't know where we'll go next, but I really believe with every fiber of my professional and personal self that we won't move forward without some honest conversations about who we are when we're in fear and what we're capable of doing to each other.
00:04:47:04 - 00:05:22:18
Unknown
When we're afraid. Right? It's not just that the things that go wrong for us are part of our wholeness, right? As you describe that, the vulnerability is what makes us it keeps us in, but also that what goes wrong for us is part of our gift to the world. It's what enables us to connect and be compassionate. And I mean, that's a lovely way to think about, you know, the hard, possibly excruciating upside of the fact that so many of us are struggling and suffering right now.
00:05:22:20 - 00:05:49:05
Unknown
I agree 100%. And I think it points to maybe one of the the deepest paradoxes about vulnerability, which is when I meet you, vulnerability is the very first thing I try to find in you. And it's the very last thing I want to show you and me, because it's the glue that holds connection together. It's it's all about our common humanity.
00:05:49:07 - 00:06:14:06
Unknown
And when we own our stories and we share our stories with one another and we see ourselves reflected back in the stories of people in our lives, we know we're not alone. And to me, that's the heart of whole heartedness. It's it's the center of spirituality. To me, that's the nature of connection, to be able to see myself and hear myself and learn more about myself.
00:06:14:08 - 00:06:47:04
Unknown
In the stories you tell about your experiences. Well, Mark, in this one is Big or I and it's that was on cutting when she says the first thing you do when you meet someone is you look at their ability, but yet it's the love and you want to show yourself. I guess I think the idea there is what we don't appreciate is it is the power to say I'm not perfect.
00:06:47:04 - 00:07:16:06
Unknown
I'm experiencing the challenge or fear or failure, whatever it is. Our inability to express that for fear of looking weak or not being someone that others want to be around or with our fear of actually sharing, that is the very thing that is preventing the connection with others because everyone is feeling it right. We just got to start talking about it.
00:07:16:08 - 00:07:36:13
Unknown
Yeah, there's there's horrible irony, isn't there? If only this person would, you know, bring down their barriers and probably thinking the same about us. You know, I wish Mark was a little bit more relaxed. I wish he was able to hear me a little bit better rather than keeping up this closed guard. And I think it's very common, Mike.
00:07:36:14 - 00:07:57:03
Unknown
I think it's certainly in our Formula two stages of careers and so on going to be something that you run into. But the truth is, I have a feeling, Mike, that it exists in all of us every day, even those who are super successful, even those who we, you and I and our listeners and members might be looking at saying, I wish we could emulate them.
00:07:57:05 - 00:08:22:18
Unknown
They're going to be equally as uncomfortable, equally as maybe unstable is the wrong word, but, you know, feeling a little bit less confident in the foundation that they have. And this is such a nice awakening moment for me. Yet as we hear this breakdown from Brené saying, It's okay, you don't need to be perfect. Instead, if you can actually embrace that vulnerability.
00:08:22:22 - 00:08:51:12
Unknown
That's one step closer to getting perfect. Yeah, And I think we see this in ourselves whenever you're asked, How are you doing? We invariably answer the question, like when people say, Hey, how are you? Good at are you? Yeah, how can it be? How can it be that so many people, so many times a day say, Yeah, I'm good, How are you?
00:08:51:14 - 00:09:16:08
Unknown
Good. It's like, are you really do you using this diagram that you've got up here, do you have the courage to say, Yeah, I was planning to do a run this morning and I didn't get there? Yeah, that's a little bit imperfect, you know, Be who you are. I mean, this was another one. Like, getting comfortable in your own skin is such a big process.
00:09:16:10 - 00:09:48:15
Unknown
Like, for me, Mark an example of that is I always really, up until my mid-thirties, you know, I kind of wore clues that I think were expected of me in my roles and companies. And then, you know, somewhere like ten years ago I was like, No, I'm just going to wear clothes that I think are the most natural expression of who I really am.
00:09:48:17 - 00:10:14:04
Unknown
Right? Yeah. And that took I think they took me 35 years. My just to be comfortable with your clothes. But I think I think I know where you're going with this. Mike It's that expectation that you think other people have for you. And I think that's the interesting build or differentiation or distinction, I should say, that exists for me.
00:10:14:04 - 00:10:35:21
Unknown
Because you're right, a lot of this stuff we're kind of putting on ourselves, on other people. So you're probably right, there probably was an expectation a while ago for the boss to turn up in, let's say, suit. He's best dressed, but over the years, I bet most of the employees were probably thinking I would. It doesn't make any difference to me.
00:10:35:24 - 00:11:02:11
Unknown
Yeah, something that you force yourself, isn't it? And if you go a bit further, this is another example of where you see it. It's with parenting. And it's to this point here where you talk about compassion to be kind to ourselves and to others. And I think that compassion. Carol Dweck talks a lot about growth mindset and parenting and this idea of, you know, being imperfect in vulnerability.
00:11:02:11 - 00:11:29:18
Unknown
And I think the key thing that you see from the work of Carol is where I can growth mindset, which, by the way, if you want to learn more about it, just head over to moonshots. Dot I, we did a whole show on that. It's a huge favorite with you, our listeners, our members and viewers. But with growth mindset, one of the key insights in parenting is to always ignore knowledge, the input rather than the output.
00:11:29:20 - 00:12:07:25
Unknown
The compassion towards children is done in rewarding their effort, the input they put into things and not identifying exclusively with the result. And I'll walk you through what I mean. Oh, little Jimmy got in a in the exam. Yay for Jimmy. It's in a you're you are very smart. You are amazing. That is a very dangerous thing because Mark what happens when and it it will happen because we know life is not perfect.
00:12:08:01 - 00:12:36:23
Unknown
What happens when little Jimmy gets a B word? He's going to be expecting some kind of similar reaction. But you you paint yourself into a corner as a parent to imagine doing exactly so. So what they do, if you just go into the work of Carol Dweck and you go into the work of Brené Brown, they say, no, no, no, you put your attention on the effort.
00:12:36:25 - 00:13:05:23
Unknown
If you did your best, then you can totally accept whatever the outcome. Yeah, and I will. I will. As a parent to you, my child, I will love you. Eric. God, this is the outcomes and I will always be compassionate and encouraging you on your efforts. And this is really where you give everyone a break. And I think just to take this clip is totally oramah because I'm so excited about this.
00:13:05:23 - 00:13:39:11
Unknown
Toby is where we are very ruthless socially. He is at work if someone is not getting the results. But I always think it's important to look for ethics first, because if someone is putting in the effort and not getting the result, then it's probably their environment or their context. We talk a lot about in teams that if someone is meant to be the goalkeeper and they're playing in the forward position, then chances are they're not going to get results.
00:13:39:11 - 00:14:01:17
Unknown
Despite their effort. And yeah, where I'm going with this is we can be we can spend a lot of energy being afraid of judgment of ourselves for not performing or giving out a lot of negative judgment of others because we don't have what's on this screen right here is the compassion to be kind to others in ourselves. And if we give ourselves a break.
00:14:01:19 - 00:14:24:10
Unknown
Do you know what I think is really interesting? That invariably I think will give others a break, too? I think you're totally right, Mike. And this really starts and again, it's a reminder, isn't it, that this all starts from ourselves. We have to be able to work on ourselves and really reflects the mirror and think, okay, what am I being vulnerable?
00:14:24:10 - 00:14:45:04
Unknown
What makes me feel really uncomfortable and obviously will explore this a lot more in the rest of the show as well. But I think that that first clip has really sparked us, hasn't it? It's really got us thinking about this idea of vulnerability. And and to be honest, Mike, the possibility of actually utilizing it in a different way, I think there's a great strength in vulnerability.
00:14:45:04 - 00:15:11:12
Unknown
Obviously, it's a protective nature, but I think what Brené is really inviting us to do within this audio book, within the speech as well as in that first clip, is getting us comfortable with being able to admit it and say, you know what, sometimes, yeah, I'm vulnerable. Yes. Okay. Because straight away, if I'm talking to you or a colleague or friend, chances are they're going to say, Yeah, you know what, me too.
00:15:11:14 - 00:15:37:24
Unknown
And suddenly there's that connection. Suddenly there's that emotional bridge that connects to people. I think. Here's the good news for all of our listeners. You don't have to be superwoman. You don't have to be Superman. You can just be yourself. And hopefully as everybody's listening, like a huge weight is taken off the shoulders and you just got to be comfortable putting yourself out there a little bit.
00:15:37:24 - 00:16:01:22
Unknown
You do that and others will give back in return, and that's very, very precisely what our members do for us here at the Moonshot Podcast. That's exactly right, Mike. Individuals who I would say it may be they're very vulnerable. Maybe they're willing to to notice it and reflect on it. But one thing they're definitely doing, Mike, is learning out loud with us.
00:16:01:23 - 00:16:39:20
Unknown
They are joining us week in, week out with the Moonshots podcast and the Master series, which we'll tease in a little bit more in a second. But before we get into all of that good stuff and all that meaty stuff, Mike, I think it's time for me to dust off that imaginary trumpet role I have. Welcome our members, Bob Modeling, Ken, Dietmar, Marsh and Connor, Rodrigo and Lisa said Mr. Bond, you're Paul Cowman, Joe Christie and Samuel Barber and Andre, Eric, Chris, Deborah and Lisa, Steve, Craig, Daniel and Andrew, Ravi and Karen and Raul, all of whom are annual members.
00:16:39:20 - 00:17:11:07
Unknown
Thank you so much, guys, for tuning in every time. PJ Nikola, Ola Ingram, Dirk and Emily are hot on those heels, as well as Harry Karthick, Venkata and Marco Jet Roja and a Netherland, Diana, Christophe and Denise, Laura, Smitty, Corey Bertram, Daniella, Mike then and Antonio, Vanessa, Zachary, Brian, Kasey Austin and our brand new member Fred. Thank you so much Fred, for joining us as part of the Moonshot Members family.
00:17:11:09 - 00:17:37:07
Unknown
Yes, we're super grateful. We really appreciate the support because that really helps us take care of all the back end of this big production, getting us out on every single platform, all sorts of technology and editing. And just when you think you don't need any more technology services to run the show. Mark And there's always a new one that you need and we do appreciate the support.
00:17:37:07 - 00:17:57:11
Unknown
And when you do become a member of this show, it literally costs you one cup of coffee per month and you get a whole new show, a whole new podcast from us called the Master Series. And we've got a back catalog now, I think Mark, of 26 different master series. They're all yours for the taking. So head over to Moonshots dot.
00:17:57:11 - 00:18:19:19
Unknown
I hit the big members button. Get busy with putting yourself out there and learning out loud with everybody else. We would deeply appreciate it. And as you build this awareness for being the best version of yourself and as you think about doing that on our website, you can also do that with us right now because we've got more to go in our work with Miss Brain.
00:18:19:19 - 00:18:46:01
Unknown
Abraham Well, if we're thinking about how many struggles we probably individually run into each day, Mike that can feel a little bit maybe overwhelming. And the truth is that sometimes we just want to shut it out that way. So before we do any of that, though, let's hear from Brené used now going back to Ted and she's going to break down a little bit around expectations and helping us become aware, not numb.
00:18:46:05 - 00:19:33:06
Unknown
So why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability when we're waiting for the call. It was funny. I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, How would you define vulnerability? What makes you so vulnerable? And within an hour and a half, I had had 150 responses because I wanted to know what's out there having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick and we're newly married, initiating sex with my husband, initiating sex with my wife being turned down, asking someone out, waiting for the doctor to call back, getting laid off, laying off people.
00:19:33:08 - 00:20:02:24
Unknown
This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability. And I think there's evidence and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think that there is a huge cause. We are the most in debt obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.
00:20:03:00 - 00:20:27:04
Unknown
The problem is, and I learned this from the research, that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff, here's vulnerability, here's Greece, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel this. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don't want to feel these. And I know that.
00:20:27:09 - 00:20:57:19
Unknown
I know that's knowing laughter. I happen to live for a living. I know that God, you can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable.
00:20:57:19 - 00:21:24:20
Unknown
So then we have a couple of beers and a banana and that muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle. One of the things that I think that we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain, certain religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.
00:21:24:22 - 00:21:51:20
Unknown
I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You don't blame you. How blame is described in the research as a way to discharge pain and discomfort.
00:21:51:22 - 00:22:14:10
Unknown
We per fact, if there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me. But it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks, which just I hope in a hundred years people will look back and go, Wow, you know, I've and we fact most dangerously, our children.
00:22:14:11 - 00:22:30:19
Unknown
Let me tell you what we think about children. They're hardwired for struggle when they get here, when you should hold those perfect little babies in your hand. Our job is not to say, look at her. She's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect, make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.
00:22:30:21 - 00:23:02:10
Unknown
That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, you know what? You're imperfect and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. Wow. She kind of stole some of my parenting ideas. Yeah, that was a good build. Fascinating, because it totally correlates with the work of Carol Dweck, but also to, I mean, talk about confrontational ideas of like how we cope with it, but also to show the consequence.
00:23:02:12 - 00:23:32:08
Unknown
Did you notice, like we want to be certain and we want to judge, we're almost the angrier we are on the outside, the more vulnerability we're experiencing on the inside. And I think that this goes back to something we just touched on a little bit, which is if we can all accept that we don't have to be perfect, then we'll be able better able to do that with others.
00:23:32:10 - 00:23:58:19
Unknown
Oh, yes. Particularly regardless of the pursuit. If someone did their best and the result wasn't what we wanted, then if we just inverse the situation where you did your best and didn't get the result, surely you would want to still be accepted. You want you would want to have the compassion of others if you didn't get the result, but you worked your hardest.
00:23:58:21 - 00:24:25:21
Unknown
Hmm. Okay. Right. Okay. I think this this conversation around effort versus attainment is spot on, actually, because let's say you spend all day long doing a project and you think, you know, this is this is I've worked hard. I've worked really hard on this. And I'm excited to kind of turn it in. Let's see what happens. They might turn around and say, Oh, it's completely wrong, or my parents are, yeah, we didn't need it.
00:24:25:21 - 00:24:53:01
Unknown
In the end, that lack of result or that lack of reception, I think is what really can damage not only confidence but also a desire to just be part of the team. You know, that comfort of being in a space where you are able to express yourself and be yourself once you start. Unfortunately, living through some of those, I think what's quite natural is you turn away.
00:24:53:04 - 00:25:14:18
Unknown
Yes. And you get demotivated. Yeah. In fact, you probably going to start doing what we've got behind us on the screen. You're going to start numbing your emotions, trying to make it as uncertainty, certain as Brené was pointing out in that show and in the clip, we just seen blame trying to make everything perfect and pretending and hiding the fact that those actions don't affect others.
00:25:14:20 - 00:25:43:01
Unknown
I think, Mike, what we're really starting to to scratch the surface maybe quite deeply into now is this idea that vulnerability is quite dangerous. I think it's something that we all experience and it can be part of, but it's something that we don't want to keep under the rug. It's one of those things that I think the more you leave it alone and you try and cover it exactly as Bradley was saying, medication, drink, whatever that is.
00:25:43:01 - 00:26:12:24
Unknown
Obviously other forms of addiction, too. I think that's when it becomes maybe less manageable, becomes so big that it's something you don't want to delay addressing anymore. Yeah. You want to start addressing now? Yeah. Now I think you'd be right to forgive our members, viewers and listeners right now if they're like, you know, moon shots is usually quite inspiring in the search of answers and they may have feel that we have gone into the valley of darkness here.
00:26:13:00 - 00:26:39:11
Unknown
I think what's wrong with what happened when Mike travels abroad, this show takes on a dynamic atmosphere. Well, rest assured, we do have some very good answers for you. And I think, Mike, that this next clip really starts to show us how to take this idea of being vulnerable, you know, with the themes of compassion and acceptance and how we might turn that into a force for good.
00:26:39:13 - 00:27:01:22
Unknown
You got it, Mike. So let's jump straight in. The book title is right here for us. The Power of Vulnerability. Let's hear how we can actually turn vulnerability even into a superpower. Times of vulnerability. Well, inevitably, times of vulnerability will inevitably show up to balance out the good times in life. And as humans, we've evolved some pretty unhealthy ways of dealing with them.
00:27:01:25 - 00:27:28:22
Unknown
We may mask our vulnerability beneath other negative emotions like anger and jealousy. Deny it in order to convince ourselves and others that we are okay or even blame our problems entirely on external sources. These walls we built around our weak spots can protect us from being badly hurt. But the longer we work to hold them up, the more we allow our vulnerabilities to grow within us, snowballing into something more sinister, like feelings of self-hatred, despair, and even apathy, which can leave us prone to depression.
00:27:28:24 - 00:27:48:18
Unknown
But believe it or not, there are ways to transform vulnerability into something that gives us strength to go forward instead of holding us back. Here are three steps to turning vulnerability into a superpower. One Change your mindset. That means stop playing the victim. It's tough love, but only when you stop using vulnerability as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself.
00:27:48:18 - 00:28:07:22
Unknown
Can you take responsibility for your situation and change it. Instead of ruminating on your misfortune, move towards a mindset of acceptance that means deeply acknowledging a painful situation and your personal role in bringing it about without allowing these things to define your identity. Sure, a bad thing may be happening to you now, but it is not characteristic of you.
00:28:07:24 - 00:28:26:19
Unknown
When you identify your own self harming behavior, you acknowledge that you have the power to change it, and that's when you start to take control as a superhero rather than a damsel in distress to tear down those walls, reach out to others and share your story. When you stop playing the victim, you stop looking to others for consolation.
00:28:26:25 - 00:28:49:03
Unknown
And as a result, people will feel safer sharing their ideas because they won't feel responsible for fixing you. So stop expecting others to swoop in and save you and instead use them as a source of inspiration. You'll find that more people can relate to you than you think. And once you realize that you're not the only one carrying this burden, you'll feel it's a weight lift from your shoulders and a sudden surge of power that allows you to move forward.
00:28:49:05 - 00:29:13:22
Unknown
That's the moment your vulnerability turns into a superpower. Three Commit to the new mindset. You might expect your brand new superpower to make you positively unstoppable. But think again, as any comic book will tell you, even being a superhero requires hard work and maintenance. Small continuous efforts are required to prevent negative feelings from snowballing again, especially if you're prone to mental illness.
00:29:13:24 - 00:29:35:22
Unknown
A good mindfulness routine is the perfect countermeasure. When you feel that victim mentality creeping up again, try doing some stream of consciousness journaling, gratitude, journaling, meditation, and track your sleep to ensure you get those 8 hours. These strategies lead to a heightened awareness of the good things in life that, when recognized on a daily basis, can stop you from falling victim to vulnerability.
00:29:35:24 - 00:30:20:12
Unknown
Wow, that was like a stroll through the mindfulness lessons that I think we've consolidated on the show over the last few years. And what was interesting, what I really liked about that build on Brenner's work there was there was a little bit of this theme of stop blaming things outside of you, around you. And in the spirit of whether it's Jaco, Willink or David Goggins, except full and complete ownership, because that's where the empowerment comes from, because then you can say, Hey, it's on me, It wasn't perfect.
00:30:20:12 - 00:30:57:20
Unknown
I need to be better. And what is crazy to think for this incredible, soulful intelligence of Brené Brown is you see that her work directly connects with that of the almost abrasive nature of it. David Goggins They're effectively coming from the same place ownership, absolute ownership for you, for yourself to say that it's not good enough, But if you listen to this, it's not good enough.
00:30:57:20 - 00:31:26:19
Unknown
It's on me. I need to do better and I'm okay with that. That could be said perhaps with a few more F-bombs from Goggins or had fantastic storytelling techniques of Brené Brown. Either way, it's the same story, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I think you're totally right, Mike. It is the same idea around ownership. Again, we've run into this a lot and it really sparks our imagination, doesn't it?
00:31:26:23 - 00:31:59:07
Unknown
It gets us going because it reminds me just how little practice or education was focused on this idea when when we were kids. And it's really it is that superpower. Exactly. As we just saw in that animated clip just then. If you can take ownership, if you can control or at least observe those emotions that we all experience, sometimes it's vulnerability, sometimes the anger, sometimes it's greed, whatever it might be, and reflect on them, recognize them, put them into your control.
00:31:59:09 - 00:32:22:12
Unknown
Suddenly. Mike Exactly as we've discussed in the show before, when it comes from Simon Sinek or Michael Baumgartner, if you put into practice work on yourself, you can be more clearheaded, you can be calmer, you can be maybe a little bit more patient, not only but others, but also with yourself. I think the result is going to be somebody who's much more single minded.
00:32:22:12 - 00:32:46:10
Unknown
Yes, he is much more focused and go out and deliver than you think. So check this out. I don't know why I'm thinking about it. We did a show on Bill Belichick famous, the most successful coach in the NFL, and he has talked about this topic that a lot of sports coaches are not doing at the moment, particularly the professional ones under a lot of pressure.
00:32:46:12 - 00:33:19:11
Unknown
So have you noticed that in sports games, if they're are really high, if they're a really important game and the teams are very equal and then there's a decision by a referee or umpire towards the end of the game that is controversial. It's a matter of interpretation how many people do exactly what Bernie was talking about. They attack the referee, sometimes the coach, the losing coach blames the referee for the result.
00:33:19:13 - 00:33:51:25
Unknown
Okay. Now, so this is something we've all seen, right? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. It's good work with me. What Bill Belichick says. Let's say his team got beaten on the buzzer by a penalty kick given to the other team. And let's say that that penalty was unfairly awarded. His wisdom is the following He accepts the result and he says we should never have let the game get that close anyway.
00:33:52:01 - 00:34:16:01
Unknown
That's the real that's the real problem. The fact that we win not ten points ahead, that we were the same score or too close, that's actually an act of vulnerability because he's saying, well, we let it get too close. We let circumstances affect our outcome because we didn't go for the extra points we could have gone for in the middle of the game.
00:34:16:01 - 00:34:40:20
Unknown
We got to be too comfortable right now. This kind of thinking is something we all see in professional sports where coaches like blame the referee, but really the team. If the head coach the team better, they would have been ahead by such a margin that it would have been like by the board. Whether that penalty happen, I think that's perfect ownership, isn't it?
00:34:40:22 - 00:35:02:18
Unknown
Yeah. You say. Well, I we are you know, the thinking kind of goes like this. I'm coaching a team in a sport with humans and referees as humans all over the place. So we know anything can happen. And it's not perfect. It's not like a computer, it's humans. So I should have coached the team to avoid a situation where we were too close and that's on me.
00:35:02:20 - 00:35:26:01
Unknown
We weren't good enough to be ten points ahead. We were the same score and circumstances worked against us. That is part of the system and I wasn't prepared for that system. I could have been better. That is vulnerability. That's the gross mindset. And if we have the courage to say that rather than it was clearly not a penalty, that review doesn't know what they're doing.
00:35:26:05 - 00:36:00:19
Unknown
They should be fired. There should be a commission into this referee, This is terrible. Put your energy into. You know what? It's too close should have been better. I'll be better next time. And and that Bill Belichick example what probably happened, Mike, was I mean we we did a show on him that trust that authenticity admiration of his team as well as the fans and followers would have felt it down partly to his ability to raise a hand and say, hey, we should try to be better.
00:36:00:23 - 00:36:25:11
Unknown
Yeah, I think that's a good and you're right, that's a perfect little demonstration and build to showcase what we can achieve if we're comfortable saying, okay, that wasn't my best effort or it was, that's okay. I'm happy with it. Yes, just by removing those boundaries rather than pointing the finger, creating that glue connection, as Brené calls it, it does sound this sounds like the world I want to live in.
00:36:25:11 - 00:36:53:23
Unknown
Mike, can't everybody just be like Bill Belichick? Yeah. And this is where we have a call to arms, which is, you know, maybe tone down the judgment, maybe tone down the judging of others or being being more compassionate to other circumstances. Like the classic thing is if your sports team that you love doesn't do well, just imagine how they feel.
00:36:53:25 - 00:37:22:14
Unknown
If they've let people down and let themselves down, do they really need me to, like, pile on the dirt when they're or, you know, when you see like, you know, like in a World Series? Fine on the last game and the losing team and like particularly when it's not your team but you just you just say all those poor guys like look how look how broken they are or, you know, I was watching the Australian women's soccer team and they did really well, the World Cup, but they just couldn't win the Cup.
00:37:22:14 - 00:37:44:03
Unknown
And you know, they were so and they were so disappointed. Right. And you know, you as a fan were so disappointed. But it's all about like you could tell they gave everything. And I think, yeah, if you turn it back on ourselves, if we give everything, we only would want others to be compassionate about the result in the judgment.
00:37:44:09 - 00:38:04:07
Unknown
It's this whole idea that Bernie gets so perfectly in digging up this classic idea of the man in the arena, right? That's right, Mike. So let's hear from Bernie one more time today in our show on the power of vulnerability. But Bernie reminding us that to really grow, we've got to be brave and we've got to step into that arena.
00:38:04:09 - 00:38:34:06
Unknown
So I get my laptop and I do a search for who was president in the United States during the Downton Abbey era. Have you ever done that like you're numbing with TV or movie and so went over you just like stay in that space by like learning more about the actors and what's going on. I've been doing this long enough to know that this is like, you're laughing with me now that so I put it in and Theodore Roosevelt comes up and a quote comes up and I read it, and this is what it says.
00:38:34:06 - 00:38:53:20
Unknown
It's a quote from a speech that he gave in the early 1900s, if this are born, and a lot of people call it the man the arena speech, and this is the passage, the change changes my life. It's not the critic who counts. It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done it better.
00:38:53:22 - 00:39:18:23
Unknown
The credit belongs to the person who's actually in the arena, whose face is marred with blood and sweat and dust, who at the best in the end knows the triumph of high achievement and who, at worst, if he fails, he fails, daring greatly. So the moment that I read that I closed my laptop and this is what shifted in me three huge things.
00:39:18:24 - 00:39:49:09
Unknown
First, I spent the last 12 years studying vulnerability, and that quote was everything I know about vulnerability. It is not about winning, it's not about losing. It's about showing up and seen. The second thing, this is who I want to be. I want to create. I want to make things that didn't exist before I touch them. I want to show up and be seen in my work and in my life.
00:39:49:11 - 00:40:09:19
Unknown
And if you're going to show up and be seen, there is only one guarantee and that is you will get your ass kicked. That is a guarantee. That's the only certainty you have if you're going to go in the arena and spend any time in there whatsoever, especially if you've committed to creating in your life, you will get your ass kicked.
00:40:09:21 - 00:40:48:03
Unknown
So you have to decide at that moment. I think for all of us, if courage is a value that we hold, this is a consequence. You can't avoid it. The third thing, which really set me free, and I think Steve, my husband would argue, has made me somewhat dangerous, is kind of a new philosophy about criticism, which is this If you're not in the arena, also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback period that no, I, I, you know, if you have constructive information, feedback to give me, I want it.
00:40:48:08 - 00:41:11:10
Unknown
I'm an academic. I'm hard wired for wrestling around with stuff like that. Hey, you forgot all this literature. Hey, you should have done this. Or terrible sentence construction over here. Like, let's go first. Just do it. I love that. But if you're in the cheap seats, not putting yourself on the line and just talking about how I could do it better, I'm in no way interested in your feedback.
00:41:11:12 - 00:41:42:05
Unknown
Oh, boy. Okay, so classic getting your ass kicked again. I love during this parallel between Goggins and Brown, Goggins says the greatest competitor in life that you will ever face is life itself. Life is tough, life is hard. And if you want to be the best version of yourself, get ready, as Bernie says, to get your ass kicked.
00:41:42:07 - 00:42:07:00
Unknown
Do you know, I It took me more than 20 years to get my head around this idea. For the first 20 years of my life, I was so, so scared of getting my ass kicked that I would avoid things if the potential of the of failure was somewhat imminent. I was on the eject, said Get me out of here.
00:42:07:00 - 00:42:34:13
Unknown
I do not want to fail that uncertainty. I don't want to look bad. So unless I was freakishly talented and could kind of, you know, get away with things if it required hard work and diligence, like I ran for the hills because I was scared of getting my butt kicked. But once you realize life is all about getting your butt kicked, life is only getting up after you fall down.
00:42:34:13 - 00:43:01:07
Unknown
That is actually what it is about and that every single human on the planet is experiencing this. Those that flourish, except they talk about it and they work on it. This is I mean, not only the work of Brené Brown, this is exactly what we're about on the Moonshots podcast is learning out loud every time each and every one of us falls over.
00:43:01:09 - 00:43:31:07
Unknown
Here's how you get up and here's how you get up to be bigger, better, stronger, and faster. I think you've put that perfectly. I totally agree. That clip and that quote, the whole show has really spoken to me specifically around acceptance, this idea of not running from fear of failure. You know, there's probably been times in my life where I have not taken on, let's say, conditional responsibilities or jobs have tried something a little bit unusual.
00:43:31:07 - 00:43:58:08
Unknown
Marc Maxim, we would need a whole show for me to give you the list of things. I ran away from. I we'll build to it. We're going to. But I mean, how much volume has this spoken? I mean, it's not the idea of vulnerability to me now. Like, it just feels a little bit less scary. She feels a little bit more like I want to go out and talk to people in the street and say, hey, you know what keeps me up at night?
00:43:58:10 - 00:44:20:12
Unknown
Hi, my name is Mark. I'm feeling really vulnerable. His first two things, ABC So what are you going to work on? Like what's, what's the homework assignment for you? I first of all, I think I'm going to dig up the, the Theodore Roosevelt quote and maybe print it out and put it on my wall. I think that's a really nice mantra to really remember.
00:44:20:14 - 00:44:41:14
Unknown
But actually, I really like the third animation clip that we saw from Psych to Go, which provided those three steps to try and really create a habit around this idea. So, you know, if you remember, it was change your mindset, tear down those walls as well as commit to that new mindset. So those are the three, I suppose I'm getting three and one.
00:44:41:14 - 00:45:14:23
Unknown
There might something like, Oh my gosh, But that's that's going to stick with me today. What about you? Which ones standing out? I think the self-compassion like, yeah, you don't have to be Superman. That's going to continue to be the homework for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. That's a lifelong dream and journey. Oh. Oh, good stuff. Good stuff.
00:45:14:25 - 00:45:46:11
Unknown
Mark, I want to say thank you to you. Thank you for bringing us those amazing clips and charts. And thank you to you, our members, viewers and listeners here. We are learning out loud together on show 236 with the work of Brené Brown, the power of vulnerability. And it all started with a call to seek out connection. It continued with the idea of become aware, not numb, and to know that with those three steps, we can truly turn vulnerability into a superpower.
00:45:46:13 - 00:46:04:03
Unknown
Do this and you can truly be the person that does step into the arena, the person that is prepared to get their ass kicked. Because if you do that, you'll learn, you'll grow, you'll become the best version of yourself. And that is exactly what we're about here on the Moonshots podcast. That's a wrap.