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Welcome to An Opportunity, where every moment is a chance for growth, love, and self-discovery.
Join hosts as they navigate the intricacies of relationships, self-reflection, and the journey towards self-love. In each episode, we explore the transformative power of seizing opportunities for connection, personal healing, and meaningful change. Through candid conversations, personal stories, and expert insights, we invite you to embark on a path of authenticity, vulnerability, and profound growth. Whether you're seeking guidance in relationships, seeking self-acceptance, or simply exploring the depths of your own heart, An Opportunity is here to inspire and empower you.
Tune in and embrace the possibilities that await on your journey to a more fulfilling life.
00;00;00;00 - 00;00;34;19
Welcome back to an Opportunity podcast, where we dive deep into relationships, self-love, and personal growth. Today we're kicking off a special mini series all about the fundamentals of relationships. This is part one where we'll be exploring the foundational aspects of trust, how to build it, and some of the less talked about but crucial elements that make trust, work, and relationships.
We'll also touch on the unseen factors that can either strengthen or erode trust over time. So whether you're in a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, this episode will give you insights you don't want to miss. Let's jump right in.
All right. What is trust? I think trust is believing in your partner without having the knowledge to back that up, necessarily. And it can be a belief in the reliability, truth, and ability of your partner. And it's not just about honesty. Trust does involve reliability. It involves consistency and emotional safety. Trust also includes trust in the unknown. Being comfortable with uncertainty and the relationship.
I agree with that. Yeah I would say so. All of those things reliability, consistency, emotional safety all pulls into trust. There's a lot of different kinds of trust. There's emotional trust physical trust and then reliability. Trust. Which would you say is the most important. Obviously they're all important. I think the physical trust oh let me say this. Not necessarily in order of importance but in order of prevalence.
00;02;11;29 - 00;02;42;14
Unknown
And I think the number one most prevalent one is the physical trust. You know, feeling safe in your partner's presence. If it's about intimacy or just the safety of your personal well-being, I think that should come before the emotional trust which I would put second, and that's more feeling safe to share deep feelings and experiences without fear of judgment or abandonment or any kind of backlash.
And I think the third one in that list is the reliability trust. And that's the trust that your partner will do what they say they will rather it's big commitments or small promises. That's something that can be definitely put in the back. As far as how important and the prevalence of physical trust, emotional trust and reliability. Trust. Absolutely.
I think in this list, physical trust is the easiest, actionable thing. I think building emotional trust and reliability is something that's done over time, where physical trust is something that you can do almost immediately. It's just how you are, how you decide that you want to be with somebody. Because I'm sure that there are parts of us that, you know, there's specific things that you do that I don't even realize that you do, that promote my trust in you.
So first, the foundation of trust. How are we building it? That's going to come with open and honest communication, consistency, accountability, vulnerability, mutual respect and active listening. Let's get into it.
00;04;03;18 - 00;04;26;25
Unknown
Open and honest communication. It's something that we talk about a lot on this podcast. I would say it's completely integral to our podcast as a whole. So that's proactively sharing thoughts and feelings even when it's uncomfortable. And trust is growing when you communicate, even when it's hard, not just when it's easy. Creating an environment where two people or multiple people can build and be comfortable.
That's where trust is going to be because it's it's really easy to be open and honest when things aren't difficult. Yeah, true. I was thinking about the consistency that it takes to build trust, and how much that it matters when you deviate from being trustworthy, and how long it can affect how much your partner trusts you. I would say that consistency during small moments is is how to build trust.
Because I know for me, the something that really helped build my trust in you is the small things that you do over time. The big things and it's the small things that you do. You ask if I've had water, you watch people in the grocery store to see if they're like going to be crazy. You do little things over time that reinforce I don't know if it's necessarily built in the small moments but it's reinforced in the small moments.
Yeah. And it is important to have that trust with the little things too. You know I think a lot of people do think about trust and think about like, oh, my partner's not cheating or lying about finances or anything like that. When trust is also the smaller things like going to the store and buying the appropriate things that you need, or communicating something with you that is important, even if it's small, it's a lot of the smaller things.
And I do think the trust is going to the grocery store and getting the right thing. If I've told you, hey, I really like this brand or something, and you go to the store and you say, you know, hey, I got this one instead because it was on sale. I'm like, I actually really liked the one that I said that I liked.
So it is just trusting in your judgment of things. Yeah. Even spicy food that you cook. I think trust goes into that, too, because of course, you know, there your partner's going to want to eat the food that you make, but also you have to make sure you create a safe space for your partner to trust that you're making something that's palatable and not too spicy and you know, is cooked the right way.
So trust goes into a lot of different things that are small. Absolutely. You do make delicious chicken. Thank you. Accountability. There are going to be mistakes that are made. And the best thing to do is to take responsibility for those. It's just a lot easier for the relationship and trust if it's just something that's acknowledged immediately. And then sort of you move forward with that.
It is taking accountability for your actions, especially in mistakes, and showing that you're willing to make changes when the trust is broken. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think it's somewhere in the ballpark of if you're talking with your significant other and it turns into a disagreement of sorts, and your partner is asking you to stop raising your voice. I think you kind of have to leave that up to your partner, because it's not about just your voice being raised, is it?
It's more of there's a tone that your partner finds concerning and uncomfortable or just flat out aggressive, and I think you have to let your partner kind of have control over what that looks like. And avoiding that tone can build trust. 100%. We just had that a couple days ago where I don't think that you were necessarily raising your voice.
You were just kind of across the room. But I was just able to say like a please don't raise your voice. And you immediately corrected it and apologized, even if you weren't in the wrong. You still changed the behavior. Apologized. Told me that you will, like, soften it down and it won't happen again. Yeah, because at the end of the day, it's not really about like if you're raising your voice like decibel level, raising your voice, it's about like a tone that's, you know, not in the preferred.
Yeah. And as far as the accountability goes, apologies without change in behavior is going to lead to more distrust. What's that saying? Actions speak louder than words. I think that that's something that absolutely in those cases that, you know, being accountable and making the appropriate changes is what helps. And if you are the partner that's having somebody that's maybe raising their voice or perceived as raising their voice, you need to be able to be vulnerable in those times of sharing that of being able to give that information to your partner, to be able to give them the chance and the opportunity to show up for you to be able to give you the information and
be able to show up in a way that like, hey, I don't know what happened to you in the past. I wouldn't raise my voice to you. I wouldn't do that to you. We've talked a lot about creating a space for vulnerability without judgment or retribution. A lot of people are shying away from vulnerability, but it really does hinder that trust building.
Yeah, absolutely. Do you do you find it more difficult to be vulnerable as a man? I do, but it's because, in my experience, many of my partners have used those vulnerabilities against me and have I know a lot of men have a similar experience with that. So it is the more masculine you're supposed to be strong aspect of being a man, that kind of hinders that vulnerability, or at least being open to vulnerability.
But it is also just the, stigma of having it used against you as a man. Okay. What would you say was or has been helpful for you? Like, what would something that. Hey, this is what I've done that's helped you kind of open up because our communication is pretty great. And I do feel like you're able to be vulnerable with me and able to express your emotions in a safe place.
What would you say would be the best advice of something that I've done, or something that really has helped you, that I've done? Well, and at first it was kind of instinctual that, you know, yes, it's happened in the past, but I can't really let the aspect of my past control who I am today. And it's just a fact that being vulnerable is just better in relationships.
So it's it is about how much you care for your relationship and how much you want things to work, and how much you're willing to go out of your your safe zone or be uncomfortable for that to work. But also, it's that you are very understanding, and you do give me a chance to be myself and hear me out before you jump to, well, I'm going to get defensive now because, you know, I feel like I'm attacked by something when most of the time vulnerability is come to you with, well, this is why I'm insecure and you haven't really done anything to merit that insecurity, but this is who I am.
So let's deal with it as a couple instead of me just acting like, I've never had a past that made me insecure. Yeah, I really try. I really do. I don't. I think that's the thing of, like, we both respect each other so much that we're able to give each other that space. The option of having your own opinions and welcoming the other opinion, and how maybe the way that you're thinking about things isn't the right way to do it, and someone else might have the better option.
We do have a lot of mutual respect for each other, and I think that really does harbor a lot of the feelings that we're able to do that with. Yeah. Yeah. And it's tough, you know, because in my experience, and I think I can speak factually when I say men don't really have a whole lot of insecurities. It's the big things.
Am I a provider? Am I sexually adequate? Am I controlling or narcissistic? It's, you know, it's the big things that men really have, like these giant insecurities over. And I think the hardest one is the, expression of the insecurity when it comes to being sexually inadequate. Because really, I mean, that's that's a huge thing. And not only in relationships.
But, you know, no man really wants to go into a relationship thinking, okay, well, I, I can't really please my partner, so I'm just going to avoid sex. Yeah. Because of course I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to tell her how I feel. So either avoid sex or just do other things and not actually, like, build a bond.
And, you know, there's all these other things that that men do to really avoid that vulnerability. I think it's also there was a time where I'm not saying that you weren't in touch with your emotions. I think that there was a time where you've been alone, and it's just been you for such a long time that it's instinct that you're having an emotion.
You know how to handle it, you know how to move forward, and you don't want to involve anybody else because you can handle it. And that was kind of us pulling back and saying, like, I acknowledge that you can take care of it, but you don't have to. And that was really something that I'm not saying that I made a huge difference, but I have to say that once I said that the first time, it kind of was not necessarily a floodgate, but it definitely was like a door opening.
I understand what you're saying. For me, it was just kind of hard to accept that. And it was it was when you started, taking those things seriously with me that that floodgate actually opened. Yeah. And as far as, like, sexual inadequacy, not saying that, like, that's an issue that we have, but it was something that we talked about and we regularly talk about, you know, being able to be vulnerable enough to say like, what is what do you want?
What do you like. And being able to to take construct of criticism especially in that something so intimate like sex and sexual acts. Yeah. Yeah I know. I mean for me personally I can't speak for a lot of men just because I have no idea. You know, for me personally, telling me what feels good and what doesn't and what you like and what you feel safe with, all those things really matter because the at the end of it all, you don't want to sit there going, well, I mean, what's that fake?
Did I actually do something that was uncomfortable? Like, you know, you want to know because you of course, you care about pleasing your partner. And, you know, I know a lot of people don't really communicate those things. Yeah. It's something that's very uncomfortable conversation when it doesn't need to be. Yeah. I think that if I can have the conversation with my friend about my sex life or anyone's, then I should be able to go to you or a partner in general and be able to have that that conversation openly and honestly and have both people be heard and seen.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. The last one is listening actively. There is a difference between just listening. I know that in a lot of when I was younger was the difference between hearing and listening that you can hear something and not listen and listen and not hear something. So I think that that is something that, you know, listening without interrupting.
A one of the things that I've had to do is not listen to respond. Yeah, I think so. You can listen and not here or here and not listen. Thing is a little cryptic. So I think there is that aspect. But saying it like you can hear what I'm saying, but are you retaining what I'm saying? And moving that into practicality?
And I do think that is extremely important in relationships because your partner in passing could be like, no, I don't really like the sound that makes. And you could just be like, oh, okay, well, must be annoying. And you don't hear what your partner is saying, that while the sound makes them uncomfortable and you can really do a lot by avoiding that sound in the future and recognizing that, and that's just part of the retention and then moving it to practicality.
Absolutely. It could be a phrase there. There have been phrases that you've said that I'm like, full that has a bad memory associated with it. Could you please try to not do that? I think it is part of validating your partner's emotions, even if you don't agree with them, because I am a firm believer that you can apologize and not be wrong.
But you don't need to be wrong to apologize because it is sometimes about the way that the other person is feeling. So if if I don't agree with what you're saying, but you still are feeling a certain way, I need to apologize for making you feel that way, even if I feel justified in saying something. Yeah, I agree.
You know, if you're having a little spat with your partner and your partner says, well, I just don't think you're listening to me or hearing me, you can be actively listening and hear them and understand them, but you can also still apologize and show remorse that they feel like that and then go into how you hear them and what you're actually learning from them.
And I think that goes a long way as far as giving your partner a safe space to communicate. I completely agree. Now, let's say that the trust has been broken. How do we go about rebuilding that? The fracture of trust should be acknowledged, and you should be transparent and how it's been broken. And what exactly happened to break it?
Yeah. And I don't think that it always has to be something big. I think that a lot of people think that when you're talking about a breach of trust, you're thinking of big things infidelity, financial issues. I don't know all of the different big things, but I think that something more damaging is small things over time. Yeah, it can even be when it's breaking trust.
It can even be something like you had an expectation, and the expectation was something that you were concrete. And this is what shouldn't happen in a relationship. And then it happens and all of a sudden your trust is broken because you think it was wrong and you think that your partner wants something that they don't actually want because you perceive that breaking trust to be reaching outward.
And it can it can really be these smaller, complex issues. I mean, it could boil down to even lying. Oh, yeah. Or being, I mean, just dishonest in a lot of things. Not keeping your promises is a big one. Someone not, you know, consistently saying yeah I'm going to get right on that, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that.
And then if it isn't being taken care of it consistently is something that's breaking the trust and making you not believe and instill it. It kind of reinforces in you that this person isn't trustworthy and you can't believe what they say. And that, in my opinion, is the beginning of a huge breakdown in your relationship. Yeah, absolutely. So how to rebuild?
We talked about acknowledging what has happened in an honest and productive way. This has a way of being accusatory instead of investigatory where you're trying to. I think in these moments you have to remember what you're trying to do. Are you trying to rebuild? Are you trying to continue to fight? Yeah. So, I mean, acknowledging what happened. Being completely transparent.
And I think that does go into how if you are the one breaking the trust of what you're going to do moving forward, to build that trust back, to earn that trust back. Yeah. Yeah. If I go to the grocery store and I get something that my partner hates and I'm like, yeah, you know, I'll never get, I'll never get it again.
And then you go back to the grocery store and you come back with it again and you're like, oh, well, this one's a fresh one. So I just want you to try it fresh. And your partner immediately has to be like, well, they said they'd never get it again. Yet here we are. So I guess I have to expect it once more.
And those smaller things can be taken very seriously and it just erodes over time. It just makes things way more complicated. So I think that if you're the one who broke the trust, being transparent about what you're doing to move forward, how to make the person feel like you understand the breakdown and communication and the breakdown of trust and how you're going to try and build and move forward.
Yeah. Let's go and take a lot of time. Likely it's going to take a lot of patience and really discipline is a huge factor in it. I mean, you can't really try to rebuild trust without the discipline. This is what your partner expects and this is what your partner needs, especially if it's to feel safe or to feel secure or adequate or just happy.
Absolutely. I think that's something that can be frustrating. Is I've done this. That's broken down the trust. Now I have to rebuild. And it is frustrating to have to rebuild the trust again. But I think in those moments it is the repeated the show over and over and over again that, you know, there are things that you haven't broken, that my trust, but there have been things that have been done in the past that has broken my trust in people in general.
And there's a lot of things that you didn't break, but you're fixing and those things are only getting fixed through repetitive decisions that you're making that instill my trust in you and a lot of other people when it comes to trust, there are certain things that we've mentioned in previous podcasts, and I'm sure that will mention in a lot of the other ones, because it is such an important thing, is noticing red flags and things that, hey, something is up, something is not right, something should be taken care of and seen and at least acknowledged and spoken about.
Because if it's not, I think bigger, bigger, way, bigger issues can happen. And one of those is understanding that if trust is only one sided, if you're giving trust and you're not receiving it in return, trust is not about blind faith specifically. It should be mutual and reciprocal. And if it's not saying that, well, I'm just hoping that eventually it'll work itself out.
Seeing trust as blind faith in the the vein of trying to see if your trust is one sided, it could be dangerous. It sets you up, it sets your partner up, and it sets your relationship up for the potential of a lot more negative things happening. Because if you're just sitting and hoping and waiting for something to work out and for the other person to kind of get with the program, it kind of, I don't know, it's kind of spooky and it's kind of spooky.
It's kind of spoopy. Trust being one sided, being dishonest over and over and over again, having secrecy in a lot of small things, especially finances. I think that there's a lot of episodes that we've seen on 90 Day Fiancé that have been, oh, you didn't talk about that. You're you brought somebody over on a visa and you don't know what their finances are.
They don't know what your finances are. You don't know what your budget is. You don't know anything. How do you not know I can't? I mean, I think we both are pretty much on the same page about how often that we say, why didn't they talk about that? Why was it that spoken about. What do you mean they don't know that.
Because all the time it's crazy to have that kind of secrecy. Well I think that about sums up our talk about trust and what to look for as far as building it. Thank you for joining us for part one of our mini series on relationships foundations. We'd love to hear your stories about trust. Rather, it's building trust, breaking it, rebuilding it.
So feel free to send us an email at info@anopportunitypodcast.com, or reach out on social media at @AnOpportunityPodcast. Your experiences could inspire others who are going through similar situations. And if you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to review the podcast and subscribe so you'll never miss an episode. Next week we'll be continuing this series with part two, where we'll be discussing green flags and relationships.
What are they, why they matter, and how to spot them early on. We can't wait to dive into it with you. And until next time, keep growing, keep communicating and keep trusting. Okay, bye bye.