A Simple 4-Step Method for Handling Conflict Without the Drama

Conflict is one of the hardest parts of running a business, being in community, and honestly—being a human. In this episode, Jenna breaks down a healthy, grounded, four-step framework for having hard conversations without spiraling into anger, passive-aggressiveness, or resentment. After witnessing multiple conflict blowups in a single week, she wanted to share the exact method she personally uses (and teaches) to approach conflict with clarity and compassion.

Most people avoid conflict because they’re afraid of how the other person will react. But conflict doesn’t have to be chaotic or destructive. In fact, when handled well, it can strengthen relationships, clean up misunderstandings, and create a healthier foundation in both your personal life and your business.

Jeni walks you through:

✨ The 4-Step Conflict Framework

1. Lead with how you felt
   Why starting with your emotional experience (not accusations) sets the tone for a productive conversation.
2. Share the behavior or situation you observed
   How to frame what happened without blaming, attacking, or assuming intent.
3. Invite their perspective
   The importance of listening, seeking clarity, and truly hearing how they understood the situation.
4. Collaborate on “How can this feel good for both of us?”
   The step most people skip—and why it’s the actual key to resolution and long-term trust.

Jeni also shares insights on:

• The exhaustion of carrying anger
• Why passive aggression (hello, Minnesota!) doesn’t get you anywhere
• When conflict patterns show you it’s time to walk away from a relationship
• The importance of emotional self-regulation, especially as a leader
• The only two things you ever truly have control over in a conflict: how you feel and how you react

This episode is an invitation to hold your power, speak honestly, and build relationships based on truth—not assumption. Whether you’re navigating conflict with a client, coworker, partner, or friend, this simple process will help you approach the conversation with confidence and compassion.

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Hosted by Jeni Becht, award-winning wedding florist, event designer, and floral business coach with 25 + years in the industry, each weekly episode dives into:

Profitable pricing strategies: markup formulas and minimums fine-tuned for weddings & events

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  Hello flower friends. I wanna talk a little bit about handling conflict. And this came up for me in like, so many facets of my life in the last week and I witnessed a lot of people having conflict and people really just having a hard time like. Putting it out there and saying when something doesn't feel good, and saying when they're frustrated with something, or really, people just, a lot of times they just go to anger.

You're angry when something isn't going your way. You're angry at the person for all of these things that you perceive that you're, they're doing. And I watched this in a couple. Different scenarios, and I kind of wanna, , in several of these situations, I actually talked to the person, , that was venting and I said, okay, what if this is how your conversation went when you talked to this person?

For one, most people are super afraid. I'm super afraid to talk about, you know, something that is conflict. Um, especially, I call it Minnesota passive aggressive. People like to be spicy, but don't like to just come out and say what's really weighing on them. It's just like this passive aggressive behavior that I think the world is, is really equipped with that.

Is not, doesn't really serve anyone. It leaves a lot of people upset. It leaves a lot of people angry. It leaves a lot of people resentful, and frankly, a lot of people misunderstanding. And so here's how I kind of go in and frame when something isn't feeling good or when a situation, um. You know, like you wanna talk about something that maybe is sensitive.

Um, I always start out with leading how something made me feel. So step one is, um, let's just say it's a, this situation made me feel, uh, like you didn't care. The situation made me feel like you were trying to do something. And then. Going, and my next step in that situation is really just saying, you know, I, I don't think that that was probably your intention, so maybe I'm misunderstanding the, you know, the situation, but I would love to just understand where you were coming from.

So I'm going into. I'm telling them that initially that this is how I feel in the certain situation, and then this is the behavior that I have observed. So you're, you're kind of leading them down to the path of that, telling 'em like, something didn't feel good. This is what you saw or felt, because how you see or feel something is your reality, even though that might not be.

What that person intended. That is your reality. And a lot of times people are gonna be like, you're ridiculous that you think that I, I never intended that. I'm sorry. The, the situation, just, that's how it made me feel and that's how it was us appearing to me. So if I misread the situation, if you could clarify what you meant or intended, like, I would love to hear that.

So then I need to be open. To feedback and open to what their perception of the argument is. So we've kind of gone through three stages. You're making it about how you feel, you're saying what you observe that made you feel this way. Then you're wanting their side of the story. Then the next step after that to me is going, how could we make this feel good for both of us?

How could we make this feel good? You know, how could we change this? How could this situation evolve so that it feels good for both of us? And so then you're saying like, you're not saying F off for one. You're going like, I want this to feel better for not just for me. This is a one-sided. I want it to feel better for both of us.

So how can we go into this, into the next situation with this situation feeling better not just for me, but for we. And that's inviting, hopefully conversation. Um, 'cause maybe, maybe you did misunderstand, but that still doesn't make it not feel good to you. It still doesn't mean that what is happening is okay.

And it's so funny as I often when I'm having these conversations, because I am very strong-willed and I am a person who like, if something doesn't feel good, I'm gonna make sure that I'm gonna communicating that I will ask that person, do you think that this is a behavior that I, I would let, let fly? Or do you think this is a behavior that like you think that I would be okay with?

Then why is that okay for you? So also making sure that throughout this process, like your voice does matter and how you feel matters. Letting somebody diminish how you feel or diminish your perception of something is potentially not like a healthy conflict that you should be in. Um, I have had friendships that I've literally.

Just had to move away from, because I felt like the conflict was never healthy. I felt like our, you know, kind of just personalities were very different and, um, I tried to live my life being calm and I, I don't need that kind of energy of. Fury of anger, of mad at the world of whatever in my life. It just, I had enough of that growing up.

My mom was mad at the world. My dad was just like on fire all the time about things, and I just don't have space for that anymore. And I hope you don't either, because it is exhausting. Being angry at the world is so exhausting and I. I know that it's really easy to get angry. It's really easy to overreact, and I watched, uh, in several, I mean more than several.

I, I mean, you guys, last week I watched so much conflict that it was crazy. I mean, it was absolutely crazy how I just witnessed this. Tornado of conflict. Um, but I, all I can do is control how I feel and control how I react. So in every instance, know that those are the two things that you have control of.

You can't control the other person's behavior. You can't control the other person's reaction. You can control how you feel and how you react. And next time you're going into conflict, I really want you to stick, think through this, this step process. If you feel afraid to share, like you have a right to be heard and you have a right to share your voice, you have a right to make someone aware of how they made you feel if they're your friend.

If, if they're a coworker or whatever. 'cause I think nine times out of 10 people misunderstand what somebody's true intentions are, because I also going into a situation will step back and I say, do you think that this person is a malicious person that would really, uh, intentionally want to be unkind to you?

Intentionally want to hurt your feelings intentionally. Be malicious. Do you think somebody would do that? And if the answer is no, then you know that like if that person isn't intentionally doing that, why would they start? No. Why would this person just all of a sudden attack you for no reason or attack your character or.

It. Do people normally just want to attack people like, I would hope not. So next time that happens, you control how you feel and you react and then walk through the process. Tell the person, this is how this made you feel. Maybe you misunderstood, but this is what you felt happened. Then I would love to hear your understanding of the situation.

Walking through it and having them tell you what they felt. Then the fourth step is going through how could this feel better for both of us? I hope this little, uh, kind of four step process helps you process conflict. I think about it every time that I'm going through one and.

It last week I think helped some people as well. So thank you so much for Listing Flower Friend, and you have an amazing flower filled day.