Navigating the Pink Light with Mayra Clay and Marc Krusin

Modern parents face the ongoing challenge of raising children in an "always on" world saturated with digital noise. In this episode, host Shaun Dawson sits down with London-based meditation teachers Mayra Clay and Marc Krusin to discuss how emotional awareness, stillness, and presence can transform family dynamics.

Myra and Mark share how Bright Path Ascension Meditation techniques offer a practical way to quiet the mind without requiring hours of isolated retreat. They emphasize that true strength lies in internal awareness rather than mere external composure, shedding light on the distinction between inner peace and outer stillness. The conversation explores how parents model emotional regulation for their sons, navigating intense childhood triggers through calm presence rather than frustration. By shifting away from control and embracing simple daily practices, parents can help their children develop long-term internal resilience.

Key Takeaways

• Inner Peace vs. Outer Stillness: True meditation and presence address internal mental turmoil rather than forcing an artificial state of external quiet.
• Leading by Example: Children absorb emotional regulation by watching their parents remain calm and fully present during challenging moments.
• Flexible Integration: Ascension meditation techniques can be practiced with eyes open during daily interactions, seamlessly fitting into a busy schedule.
• Separating Frustration from Correction: Addressing a child's unkind or dangerous behavior from a state of pure presence is far more effective than reacting out of personal anger or embarrassment.
• The Limited Window: The timeframe during which children are deeply open to parental guidance is short, making daily presence essential.

"It's not about escaping from daily life, it's about becoming fully present within daily life.

"Children are so present, they're often not really the ones that are a problem... it's really us that try and control them.

"There is a fundamental distinction between inner turmoil and outer freneticness."

00:00 Digital noise and raising sons in an always-on world 
01:05 Introduction 
02:08 Explaining the foundations of Bright Path Ascension Meditation 
03:40 Shaun on levelheadedness, triggers, and childhood anger 
06:33 Inner turmoil versus outer stillness in active children 
08:33 Modeling emotional presence and self-regulation for kids 
13:30 Using prefrontal cortex awareness over reactive emotional states 
19:20 Practicing eyes-open meditation techniques during daily routines 
22:28 The origin and message behind The Boy in the Pink Light 
27:03 Cultural perspectives on masculinity between Mexico and the UK 
31:46 How internal emotional stress affects young boys beneath the surface 
34:48 One principle for parents: getting present and honoring the short window

Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned

• Bright Path Ascension Meditation: A simple meditation practice based on praise, gratitude, love, and appreciation, adaptable for eyes-closed or eyes-open daily use.
• The Boy in the Pink Light: A children's book by Mayra Clay designed to guide kids and parents toward internal heart-centered awareness.
• Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes Brain: Shaun Dawson's neuroscience metaphor contrasting reactive amygdala responses with logical prefrontal cortex processing.

What is Raising Men?

Raising Men is a podcast about parenting, masculinity, and the lifelong journey of raising sons—and ourselves—to be men of courage, character, and purpose. Hosted by Shaun Dawson, each episode features real conversations with parents, leaders, and thinkers redefining what it means to raising men in today’s world.

having just two boys yeah

it's it's amazing how they are completely different

yeah so you

you have your first son and then you OK

this is easy I have this

I got it nailed

and then those techniques completely out the window

I promise you it's been like a woof

yeah like

I mean in

in a lot of things it's just like

oh dear

okay so let's navigate the two of them

completely different yeah

welcome back to raising men

now

one of the big differences in the way that I grew up

versus how my son is growing up

is that we now live in a world that is always on

where our sons are bombarded by digital noise

and a culture that tells them that strength means

just enduring things but our guests today

Myra Clay and Mark Kruzan

argue that true strength is found in awareness

and in stillness they're based in London

and Myron Mark

are teachers of the Bright Path's Ascension Meditation

and they're advocates for emotional awareness

they focus on teaching children and their parents

simple meditation techniques for everyday use

allowing both children and their parents

to better navigate life's challenges

today we'll dive into the power of stillness

the magic of storytelling

and how to raise sons who are as resilient internally

as they are externally Myra Mark welcome to raising men

thank you yeah

thanks so much for having us

it's a privilege to have you

thank you so much now you teach Ascension meditation

tell me what that's about and

and then we'll dive into we'll

we'll we'll dive into it further from there

yes they are a very very simple techniques based on um

love gratitude

compassion and a and appreciation

so yeah they are very very simple and um

very gentle just to to do it

and those these techniques

you can practice them with the eyes closed

or even with the eyes open

so when you're interacting with

with people everyday

or at work or whatever you're doing

you just can do it with the eyes open too

and it's something that just sort of

fits into my normal routine

as opposed to like having to

you know go dedicate four hours to

to sitting on a rock or something like that

is that right

correctly yeah

yeah yeah

yeah exactly

that's I mean

that's one of the things that I most love

about the teaching is that it's enabled that

I've always had a busy

you know professional working life

and one of the most amazing things about

about the teaching of the Bright Path is that it's

it integrates perfectly into daily life

and you know it's not about escaping from daily life

it's about um becoming fully present within daily life

and leading a much more effective life

in fact from there yeah

I I feel like this is kind of potentially an unlock

for me I really

really struggle with what you're calling stillness

with presence with all of the fruits of meditation

and it's an interesting I

I in preparation for this episode

I've been thinking about why that is

and I think why it is

for me is that I'm not a reactive person by nature

I am pretty good at remaining calm

I'm pretty good at remaining still

and not being reactive and so as a result

these are not I've never had to get really good at it

and so I'm not

I'm just kind of adequate at making sure that I'm that

that and then my kids came along

and my kids can push my buttons like nobody's business

and in fact it

it turned me into like I've never been an angry person

but I really really struggle with angry

anger with the kids where I'll just flash angry

and I'll get really reactive and

you know we'll start screaming at each other

and I because I never had to develop those skills

as I was coming of age I find that I am really behind

if I were an angrier person in my 20s

then in order to just live my life

and get along with the rest of society

I would have had to develop these kinds of skills

but I didn't have to and so as a result

I'm actually it's

it's actually been a penalty for me that

that I'm as level headed as I am

yes

do you find that I mean

what kinds of people come to you for help and why

hmm

sort of I mean

different kind of people um

yeah from parents to single persons

I mean

anyone that is looking for something more in life

no um

to find that peace inner peace

but we we get parents also

a lot of parents um

saying how can I deal with this

or how can I make kids be more calm and everything

um

and we just share our experience with our sons um

and be very very simple and very

very honest um

because for us it's very important to be authentic

hmm and be um

very transparent um

um because when you are with kids

you can't hide anything so

so that's for us

it's very important to to

to teach to the parents yeah

you can't you can't really be asked kids

can you no

no they'll

they'll just see right through it

they'll call you you know

it's the Emperor has no clothes right

it's the it's the kid that said hey

wait a minute he's not wearing anything

and they'll do that to you too

and so it's

you actually have to be a lot more buttoned up

yes with the kids

how do you do you find that

you have trouble selling

the value of stillness to young boy

I mean they're

they're so out my

my son he is everywhere

he's got so much energy he's loud

he's rambunctious how do you

how do you approach that with him

yeah I think

I mean for me it's I

I'm I've got a lot of energy too and uh but

but it's not for me

it's not about an idea of kind of being externally calm

alright it's

it's about the turmoil that we have in our minds

or rather not having it

it's the difference between inner turmoil and

and inner peace rather than outer

uh stillness

what a tremendous distinction

and I wasn't making that distinction

but you're right um

yeah there is a fundamental distinction between

between inner turmoil and outer freneticness

and they're completely independent of each other

well they're not completely independent

they're related to each other

but they're independent

mm hmm yeah exactly

wow and okay

and so I mean

do you find that that's a message that resonates with

or or what ages does that resonate

or fail to resonate with I mean

can I talk to my four year old and say hey

we need to we need to do some of these practices

how does that work

yeah you know

like this for me has always been about me being

setting the example yeah

it's and

and they see something in us

and in fact when our children have been struggling

um you know

maybe at a new school or whatever

or with friendship groups or whatever then

then they have asked you know

can we learn those techniques

you know maybe it will help and

and we've said OK and

and and they've used them for a while

but children are so present

they're often not really the ones that are a problem

in my experience it's really

it's really us that try and control them

um you know

they're just being who they are

and the more present we are the less reactive and

difficult they become or

or they might just be having a moment

you know

and they might be expressing all sorts of stuff

but if we're fully present

often that'll just wash through right

they'll be express it express it

express it for 5 10 minutes and then it's gone

no because you are communicated something that um

maybe they can't deal with that

or they don't recognize it

or they don't know how what it is

so if you are um

communicated that okay maybe it's a worry there

but everything can be resolved or whatever

or maybe it's a feeling there that they don't know

and then you just can go through that feeling

and you are helping them um

just to to

to process that um

it's just navigating with them those

this the situations um

but also for for

for us it's very important that they see um

like I say before um

what is really is happening to you

so if if like Marcy we react to something

they're like OK

they they

they get like oh my God

so this is something very to worry

but if you react for something that

maybe you don't like it but you react like OK

I don't like it but let's do go

let's go through this it's another approach for them

and they're learning to be more aware of that

those things yeah

I don't know if that makes sense but um

it is you that you are you are driving that boat

it is you that you going to

to trans um

transmit um

how can you navigate feelings

experience situations because if they see you come

it's going to be also calm from the

the other side yeah

in a moment maybe not

but in other moments yet yes

yeah that make

that makes a lot of sense

I think if they see that you're calm

that teaches them I mean

it models the behavior that you wanna model

but it also teaches them that life is supposed to be um

encountered that way life is supposed to be calm

life is supposed to be yeah

I I um

I I told this story recently

I I have a friend who grew up in

and his his dad never maintained their car or

you know he just wasn't good at that sort of thing

and so things were constantly breaking down

they would drive on a

on a road trip to go on a family vacation

and they would have a flat tire

and they would have to repair

the flat tire and stuff like that and

and this motivated my

my friend to become a mechanical engineer

because he wanted he thought the world was just chaos

and he wanted to figure out how to tame the chaos and

and and that's

you know that that's

that's an example of my friend learning from counter

example um

but it would have been easier for him if he'd Learned

by example instead

I think well yes

and so the same is true with

you know

with our ability to weather life's challenges in a

in a in a measured way I I is I mean

is that

is that a pretty good summary of what you're saying

here

yeah I think so I think yeah um

I I think we can often because because

you know we're humans right

we have emotions we have situations some we don't like

we that

and there's a lot of growth in the situations

we don't like as well

that come up but it's how we deal

and how we react to those situations right

they're often gonna be situations that aren't ideal

or the ones that we wouldn't have chosen yeah

but there is growth there

and it's just about how we react to them

so can we see it as just a situation

and manage it as best we can

so make the choices

make the moves that we're able to make in that moment

or do we see the situation and go into a

a drama about it right

and start having endless thoughts about

this shouldn't be happening to me

why is it happening to me

it's not fair it's not happening to that person

do you see and

and that's very different

than just taking the situation at face value

and seeing okay

what are my options

so it's a whole different way of living

yeah I feel like

you know I

I use there's a metaphor that I like to use on

on this show which is the difference between the cone

and the barbarian brain

and the Sherlock Holmes brain and the Conan

the barbarian brain is the amygdala and the uh

Sherlock Holmes brain is the prefrontal cortex

and I feel like

these techniques that you're talking about

are a way to keep yourself

from dropping into the cone of the barbarian brain

which is almost never the right thing to do

especially when you're dealing with other people uh

in kind of a conversational context

and I the

the way that I think about meditation and stillness and

and that sort of thing

is a way of keeping you in that elevated place

where you can make decisions

and where you can inspect things

and you can draw conclusions

and use the smart part of your brain

to help guide your activities

as opposed to the reactive

relatively dumb part of your brain

you heard that

yeah I

I think so

I think there's one more thing that is worth saying

and that is that sometimes

when we talk about meditation

we hear this a lot from people that we interact with

there can be a kind of

preconceived idea that if we are internally still

then we must also be externally still yeah

that's not necessarily the case you know

so so especially with reference to to children

sometimes a stern word needs to be said if

if a child has done something that's unkind

or dangerous or disrespectful

then they need to be made aware of that

but one thing is making them aware of it

from our own internal frustrations or

or embarrassment or whatever it may be

and another thing is making them aware of that from a

a state of pure presence

and I'm just telling you that that action was unkind

or it was disrespectful and so on

do just from a from a much purer state of being and

and it has much more effect as well in that

in that case because it's a pure channel of um

making someone aware

rather than that being mixed up in a whole

vortex of personal frustration personal anger

personal embarrassment um

what if it make that makes so much sense

so I mean

if my if my toddler is throwing a tantrum and you know

I scream at her and I say

you know I scream

you must respect my authority

then that is gonna have zero effect it

it will actually it will it will have

it'll have a perverse effect

which is that she's just gonna dig in and double down

and actually that's what I want her to do

I don't want her to be

susceptible to someone coming in over the top

and forcing her to do stuff

I want her to have her own

like

her own sense that she has power over her own body

and her reactions and that sort of thing um

whereas if I'm able to calmly explain to her

if I'm able to keep myself still

and I'm able to keep myself present

and I'm able to come into her and

and

and show her a mirror to what's going on

and how that's not

going to accomplish what she wants to accomplish and

you know give her the tools to recover

and give her the tools to accomplish what she wants

then that's a more effective and b

more in alignment with the values that I have with her

is that would would you agree with that

totally because it's clarity from you um

when you have to give a message to to her or or

or yeah to your to your to your children um

it it

it it yeah

it is also very important to

to say how you feeling also

there are moments for me that get very like maybe

I don't know anxious or something and I'm

and I talk to them and I and then in that moment

maybe I'm not completely open

or completely clear of what I want

but then after I can go back and explain to them

this is how I felt uh

it was not clear for me what to say to you

I was feeling maybe angry or anxious or whatever

is there or I was not agreeing with you

and they gave with that feeling okay

it's okay also to be angry yeah

but yeah I

I one of the things I really struggle with um

is my 4 year old especially this is

this is the one that is just so good at my

my 7 year old is is past this point

he used to be like this but

but my my 4 year old um

it's just so good at triggering me

and it's so good at making me mad

and I just I

I just need to get away from it sometimes

but I don't want to get away from it in a way

I mean she'll beg me to stay

please don't go please don't go

please don't go and that creates this crisis with me

because on the one hand

I don't want to teach her that I'm gonna abandon her

you know even if she's being a jerk right

I like I'm always here for you

but I'm not right there are

there are situations that I need to get away from

in order to have the appropriate reactions

and that is not something that I can explain

to her in those moments and so I feel like

I feel like that's a place for one of the techniques or

you know for the techniques that you're talking about

is that is that is that right

yes absolutely

because you can as we say

we I

I do it so many times in front of the

with my eyes open and sometimes I go

because obviously

I bring in patterns from my family also so um

you know

so sometimes I just go in and then I come back and say

okay no

I have a choice here yeah

what is my choice is my choice is to be angry and I

I do it sometimes and then there are also choices I say

no I have to stay here and whatever happens

I'm just going to stay here

and they receive that message very clear

yeah and also is um

for them when we told um

to our children especially to our older one

um when he was younger

the the first technique of praise and then a gratitude

we always also we say to him

if if you are angry

just or you don't like what how I'm reacting

just do your technique and that helps also

it's not just from the parent

but also from the kid that you play together this game

yeah of choosing something different

yeah so talk to me about the techniques

what what tell me about the techniques

what are they and how are how are they used

yeah

there yeah so there

there are techniques very simple techniques actually

that we think internally um

based on praise gratitude

love and compassion

and we so within within the practice

the advice would be to always what we say ascend

I meditate three times a day for around 20 minutes

each time ideally in the morning in the afternoon

and once in the evening before bed with eyes closed

then whenever you remember any one of the techniques

with eyes open at any time okay

so the the the eyes closed is a much deeper healing

obviously sort of heals stress in the nervous system

and in the body that's maybe built up over many

many years

and the eyes open one is more about remaining present

and on limiting the

on take of stress that we may have in our day

so if we're in a difficult meeting for example

right where there are a lot of is high tension

there are a lot of people

discussing I don't know

a high risk project or whatever it may be

and

and we can use our techniques with our eyes open there

and very often that will bring us to a

a place of presence and it'll

very often

completely change the whole dynamic within the room

as well you know

people that we're really on edge or really full of ego

we'll start sort of settling down

becoming lighter and more joyful

and the whole conversation becomes much more open

often we see it that way

so it works on two levels

yeah I love that I

I and

and I love like I said at the beginning

I love how

it's so easily integrated into even a busy schedule

right and

and and I think um

I think for folks like me

the part of the reason that we

we never get into it is because it's so difficult

like it's not it's not my top priority

this is not something you know

I'm I'm

like I said I'm pretty good at at

at that stuff

but I'm not the world class I would like to be

and so you know

other things come up and so

if I can integrate it into my routine

in a way that is less disruptive to my

to my schedule um

or or even in a way

maybe that enhances my schedule

because it allows me to be more efficient

throughout the day um

I suspect that there's real value there

yes yeah completely

so tell me about the book

The Boy in the pink light

what what

tell me what's what

what what's the book about

what's the pink light and

and uh

and I'm intrigued tell me more

yes this idea came about when I was working in

in a nursery and um

I really wanted to to put out something there

um just to help parents it's for children obviously

but I think the main thing is to target parents yeah

um

to interact more with children and talk about more um

like with feelings or or yeah

and going inwards instead of always looking for

for something outside to fix my

my life yeah um

so it's a variation technique that actually

we learn about this technique

also because of the bright path um

it's a um

a technique that it's like an extra technique just to

to play and very simple

um so I just wanted to apply it for

for kids in a more fun and easy way um

and yeah

so the this idea came out and so is the light um

that we are looking outside to

to help me to come forth

for situations that maybe I'm feeling

because I grew up like that

I was always I

I was not allowed to talk about my feelings

when I was younger so I was always looking for that

someone love me outside

so for me the pink light is just to

just to return to that space that is your heart

that is always going to be there and um

and recognize that if you are in here

you don't have to

to look outside and then you can trust in yourself and

um yeah

and feel more growing up more secure with

with yourself and um

yeah and be more happy with with who you are

so yeah that's

that's the idea of the boy in the pink light just to

to recognize that that inner space that we have

and that's what the these techniques that we teach

they do it just going it's like a car

taking back to your heart and just be there and

and find maybe happiness stillness

peace whatever is there that

that we just can recognize it

because we forget when we

we when we grow up yeah

so yeah that's

do you find that there are differences

in the ways that boys and girls

receive these messages

or that they need to be communicated in ways um

that are different between boys and girls

hmm that's a very good question

I I don't personally know because I

obviously having two boys

but yeah we was working in nursery um

maybe I can see maybe girls or or the way I am too

we are more in a thinking about how can I

how can I be more um myself

but I need to look for something outside not to

I have a very good friends or something

I grew up like that also feeling quite insecure about

um

eh if my friends really going to like me or not

the way I am so and I don't see that with the boys

but that's my experience because of the two sons

but maybe it's yeah so yeah

I don't I don't know to be honest yeah interesting

yeah maybe it is yeah

maybe this um

I don't know I'll try I'll uh

I'll get back to you it's

cause I have I have

I have a good experimental subset

I've got one one of each

and so we'll uh

we'll yeah exactly

tell tell us

I mean obviously we

I hear from friends that have maybe a boy or girl yeah

I see that dynamic is completely different

tons of differences but

you know it's hard to understand

you know in your own limited

uh experience

there's difference between

if you had two boys

there's difference between the individuals too

and so it's hard to know how much of those are

and I don't know that it matters right

you know you

the the differences you have between individuals

it doesn't matter whether they're due to their gender

or whether they're just due to their birthing order

or they're just the fact that

you know it's Tuesday and also having just two boys

yeah it's

it's amazing how they are completely different

yeah so you

you have your first son and then you okay

this is easy I have this

I got it nailed

and then those techniques completely out the window

I promise you it's been like a woof yeah

like I mean in

in a lot of things it's just like

oh dear OK

so let's navigate the two of them completely different

yeah well

let me so I

I I wanna

uh explore one

another thing that is based on your kind of

unique perspective which you

you were you grew up in Mexico

and then you moved to London from that

and so from there you experienced two um

extremely different cultural views of masculinity

over a lot of years I'm so interested to understand

like what do you see as the differences there

what is you know

healthy about those differences

what is unhealthy about those differences

what do you what

what wisdom do you have from the perspective

of being immersed in both of those cultures

oh that's a very good question

um

yeah maybe one of the parts I

I can see that um

because in Mexico yeah

is a lot more of

um

like I don't know how to say

like male things that yeah

um

I I don't know um

machismo maybe

like there's a

there's kind of a vision of masculinity that is very

it's it's

I don't know something yeah

machistas I don't know how

yes machismo

yeah that's right

um and um

and here I don't see that uh

I mean obviously there are some people yes

but I I don't see that in a very

maybe clear or maybe in the surface I

I yeah

I don't

I I can see there are more Chinese here with the

with the

with the culture in the sense of as a human beings

I see more like um

there are more like

I don't know

try to say something or try to

to interact with you

or maybe you find something in the

living in your house and they are

try just to say good morning

and obviously

Mexico are completely different in that sense um

so so yeah I can see that and I

we tried and and Mark is really amazing in that

because he doesn't feel also 100% English

we met in Italy actually and in Milan

we used to live in Milan before we have kids so we

we his yeah you're coming from also from Italy

the culture that is also very Latin Latin way

so we tried also to teach our kids that

to be open to be I don't know to be more like a

Latin way let's say it yeah yeah

that could be a superpower

in a much more reserved society like the UK

it is if you're just gregarious and out there

and willing to chat people up

and that is just not

you know

if that's that's not part of the culture there and yes

as much yeah and similar

there's probably a similar dynamic here in the US

I think there's you know

the culture of the US is really different than Mexico

and really different than the UK

I think

yes so that's that's yeah

it's interesting to explore

I like to Mark were you gonna say something

um

not directly related to that I I I yeah

it's kind of related to both in the sense

I think both in the UK and in Mexico

there's a thing with

about expressing feelings for men or young men right

and that it's kind of not really

it's not really

the kind of thing that's on anyone's radar much

yeah and

you know often times

people will see young boys who are so full of energy

and they might be you know

quite physical with one another with

with what they do and they think oh

you know they're fine or whatever

or I can tell them off and shout at them

and it won't matter

because they're just really full of energy

but what is often not perceived is how deeply a boy

even being shouted at can affect them inside

yeah I

I think that's something that as a societies

both Latin and Anglo Saxon

we need to be much much more aware of

and and I know that because I've sat with my sons

you know and at night when they're

when they're sort of about to go to bed

when they were young

I read them a story and we'd sit talking

and often you know

once I turn the lights off

you know something would come up

this happened today and

you know I always sit and listen

and in fact

they were deeply disturbed by something that

on the surface

looked like it wasn't that important at all

boy I

I mean this is really a lesson that I'm

that I'm taking away from this discussion is

there is this distinction that we made

you made in the beginning

about the inner turmoil versus the external turmoil

or the the inner experience versus the external

uh demonstration of that experience is

is really independent and that and and

and that's what you're driving home there is

you know

just because it seemed like water off a duck's back

when X y

Z happened doesn't mean that it didn't have an impact

in the internal experience and

and so if we don't develop the tools

to tease that out of our boys

if we don't develop the tools to

to model that for them

then they're gonna really struggle

in our modern culture especially with you know

I mean

as I mentioned the very beginning

I grew up in

in such a different culture than we have now the

the amount of distraction

the amount of noise the amount of just

you know it's possible to be plugged in all the time

back when I was a kid

like we sometimes would sit in the car and be bored

yeah but yeah

you know

the car was off and my mom had to run into a store

and she said it was gonna be five minutes

but it was really 30 minutes

and we would sit in the car and the car would be

you know off right

or maybe just the air conditioner running

and we had nothing to do

and that is that notion is unheard of to my children

the

fact that they could sit there and have nothing to do

for 20 minutes

it would be

would be anathema to their entire experience

and that's that's something I kind of struggle with too

like

I don't know it's good to lose the skill of being bored

but exactly yeah

yes I don't know necessarily good to have it either

right I mean

I don't know it's hard to know

and but

to what extent am I just an old man yelling at clouds

about how kids these days right

but there it feels like there's something there

uh huh yeah

yeah and but yeah

you're right too

I think it can be a big distraction from

you know

anything that might happen to be going on inside

from an earlier incident you know

if we're constantly tuned in to this thing that's

it's very stimulating right

so

it detracts from whatever that internal state might be

or that internal kind of

um

discomfort

right might be we

we we

we move

we distract ourselves from it and but it's still there

right we're not we're not dealing with it

we're just distracting ourselves yeah

it's just gonna get buried down

and then it oozes out in maladaptive ways right

yeah yes exactly

mm hmm yeah

totally

it's a good insight well

I was

I always like to finish up these conversations by

asking people more or less the same question

and that is I like to ask people for a principle

so if there is one principle that comes to mind

when I ask you what

what that that parents listening should

should think about when trying to raise excellent men

what would that principle be

the only thing I could say is

just get as present as you can

find a way to get present

yeah if you don't feel that you can be present

around your children

find a way look for some kind of teaching

some kind of meditation

some kind of practice whereby you can get present

the one thing I would say is that I can't

you know

there are a lot of people that talk about formulas

you know you with your children

you can do X

y and Z and it'll work like that and to an extent

that may be true but the reality is

is that every single situation throughout the day

requires a different approach

and that

you can only be fully aware of what that approach is

if you're truly truly present here now

yeah and yeah

I think just to the what I might say is

and also just to realize that

that window that they're going to be very eh

open to you

it's very short so if we if we miss that window

we're missing a lot so so yeah

just to be aware of that um because yeah

it goes fast that is a powerful

powerful sentiment

yeah there is a limited window yeah

and and

and that applies in the Micro

in the sense that in any given event

your opportunity to

to impact that event in a positive way is limited right

so but it's also true in the macro

if you fail to establish the right kind of

connection with your son

um by the time he's 13

you've lost the opportunity to do that yes

or or you're really fighting an uphill battle and

and so yeah

it applies at all at all levels of abstraction there

that's a really really powerful statement fine

yeah I

I one of the things that I've really been impacted by

in this project the Raising Men project

is that is that our sons don't need us to be perfect

they need us to be present

and that's something that I say a lot and

because it's almost a mantra for me

because I struggle with it so mightily

and I think that you know

I think that what I'm learning from you guys here

is that

one of the greatest strengths

that we can have for ourselves

and that we can model for our boys

and that we can give them the

give our boys is an ability to sit in that stillness

and be an observer to our condition

and think through how we're gonna respond

as opposed to just being um

reactive and uh

and yeah I

I just wanna express my appreciation for that lesson

and and thank you both so much for uh

for for

for being here

well thank you so much for having us

it's been a really really nice to talk to you Sean

yeah it's been such a pleasure

thanks so much Sean

and thank you and for those of you listening

please like and subscribe and

and share with another parent who uh

might be going through the same kind of stuff you do

or who might find some value in this episode

thank you so much for listening to Raising Men

and remember that you are a great parent

raising men is produced by Phil Hernandez

this episode was edited by Ralph Tolentino