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In this episode, Dani discusses how she applies mindfulness from her meditation practice into her daily life. She also talks about what she doesn't mean when talking about mindfulness.
For links & recommendations, view full episode notes.
Dani is honest and refreshing in her takes on the world and society. Listen as she explains how she’s come to understand the world through kindness, both towards ourselves and everything else.
[0:00] Hello friends! Welcome to Understanding Kindness, a podcast hosted by me, Dani! {Theme music begins} I’m someone who approaches life by learning from everyone around me, and I’ve decided to write it all down and talk about it here with you. I’ve learned that in order to create change in this world, we need to understand ourselves and the world around us, all while infusing kindness into everything we do. If I can do it, you can do it, and we can do it together. Welcome to Understanding Kindness. {Theme music ends}
[0:30] Hey buds! Today I’ve got something for ya that I hope you’ll enjoy. I want to talk about how I apply the practice of mindfulness into my daily life. I’ll take you through some examples, as well as what I don’t mean when I talk about being mindful. Let’s go on this journey and see how I actually do the mindfulness.
[0:52] For today’s Native segment, I want to talk about someone that I recently began learning about. Leonard Peltier is an American Indian Movement (or AIM) activist and has been wrongfully imprisoned for over 40 years. On 26 June 1975, two FBI agents were killed on the Pine Ridge Oglala Lakota Reservation in South Dakota. Leonard Peltier was framed for these murders. The American Indian Movement, formed in Minneapolis in 1968, would hold street patrols to end police abuse, a Mount Rushmore encampment, demonstrations at Plymouth Rock, among other types of demonstrations. In 1972, AIM organized the Trail of Broken Treaties to call for the reestablishment of tribes’ treaty-making authority, the abolition of the Bureau of Indian Affairs (or BIA), and vested interest in jobs, housing, and education in Indigenous communities. The Trail of Broken Treaties led to the occupation of the BIA building, which then led to the FBI targeting AIM as a dangerous extremist organization. The head of the FBI declared war on AIM and its supporters, and organized a private army known as the ‘goon squad’. During this time, members of AIM and Indigenous Traditionalists tried to help their relatives survive alcoholism, hunger, poverty, and extreme racism brought on by surrounding white towns and the US government. There were many events that ultimately led to the FBI-initiated fire fight that killed the two FBI agents on 26 June. The FBI and the US government are no strangers to deception and blatant cover-ups. It’s obvious, both from history and this event in particular, that the US government will do anything to silence anyone who stands in resistance to its manifest destiny. This includes physical violence (as seen in the “Defend the Territory” zine), incarceration (as seen in the case of Leonard Peltier), and genocide (as evidenced by the colonial history of the United States). All of these tactics are used to silence and eliminate opposers of the United States’ colonial settler regime, and why Leonard Peltier has been caged for the past 40+ years. The FBI falsified affidavits, supplied complete fabrications, and obscured exculpatory evidence in the case of Leonard Peltier. There are a myriad of articles, books, and even a movie about the happenings on the Pine Ridge Oglala Lakota Reservation on 26 June 1975, and about Leonard Peltier’s case. I first learned on this from an article titled, “The Case of Leonard Peltier” on, you guessed it, IndigenousAction.org. I read more about the current and ongoing happenings on WhoIsLeonardPeltier.info. There you’ll find newsletters with updates, interviews with Leonard and a history of his life, as well as FBI case files and trial transcripts. If you’d like a more in-depth understanding of Leonard’s case, the events that occurred on the Pine Ridge Oglala Lakota Reservation in 1975, and how you can help in the struggle to free Leonard Peltier, I’ll link “The Case of Leonard Peltier” article and the websites in the episode notes.
[4:22] {Singing} *Shooouuuuut-Ooooouuuutttttsssssss*
Well, well, well we’re here yet again to acknowledge and thank my wonderful Patrons. I am so grateful for your continued support. Thank you, thank you, thank you! If you’d like to become a member of the Patreon family and receive some of my undying love, visit patreon.com/understandingkindnesspodcast.
[4:51] So, this whole mindfulness thing. How do I actually do it? It’s one thing to practice mindfulness during meditation. It’s a completely different thing to be able to apply what we’ve learned to our daily lives and interactions. So, I thought it might be helpful if I shared how I try to apply this practice in my everyday life.
[5:11] Notice I said ‘try’ there. I am no expert, I am no monk. Although, I’d guess that even folx who do consider themselves experts or monks might say that they are also only trying to apply mindfulness during the day. I say this, because, like it or not, you will always be trying. Our thoughts continuously swirl around our minds, popping up when least expected and sometimes pulling us down a rabbit hole that can eat away at our precious time. I mean I can’t say for certain, but I’m guessing that even experts and monks experience these things as well. They’ve just gotten good at continuing to try.
[5:53] I recently did a meditation on urges. It was a quick 10 minute guided meditation that helps to combat urges we have, whether they be thoughts that pop up, itches that beg to be scratched, or pulls to say what’s on our minds right now. During said meditation, I had to combat many-an-urge to follow the thoughts that inevitably popped into my head. Funny enough, many of those thoughts were about this episode. I’d been struggling for a couple days trying to figure out what to write this episode about when this idea came to me…right in the middle of my meditation. This was a particularly difficult urge to combat because, if you know anything about creating content for the internet, everything is potentially content and when you have an idea you want to make sure it sticks around so you can begin cultivating it. So, during my meditation, I recognized those thoughts and tried to set them aside for afterwards so I could continue focusing on my breath, and not on those thoughts, those urges. This was pretty difficult because I didn’t want to lose the idea. I kept refocusing to the breath, putting my attention on my nostrils, where I felt it was easiest for me to rest my attention on that day. Of course though, as I was excited about this idea and having a topic for this episode, more and more thoughts continued to pop up.
[7:16] Now, the next step here is critical, and defines whether you will be/are being mindful. I could follow these thoughts and see where they take me. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Perhaps I end up wanting to eat some cereal after this, perhaps I think even more about the episode and come up with some great ideas, perhaps I begin worrying about something going on later in the day. Any of these outcomes are possible, and there are infinite more. The thing is, I have absolutely no idea where my thoughts and mind will take me, so following my thoughts is a bit of a coin toss on where I’ll end up. But I must remember what my goal or intention was in setting this time aside to meditate. My goal was to practice mindfulness. I definitely could follow any of my thoughts, but in this circumstance, it would be mindless to do so. I want to be mindful of my breath in this moment, mindful of the practice that I am choosing to do for the betterment of my attention span and overall health.
[8:22] To apply this mindfulness in my meditation practice is simple. All I have to do is continue focusing on my breath. When thoughts pop up, I can recognize them and then gently pull my awareness back to my breathing, back to what I intended my awareness to be on. And I can do this over and over and over again until I’m finished with my meditation. But now, how do I apply that action in my daily life?
[8:49] Easy! Just do that same thing. Let’s use this example that I find myself in quite often. Now, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve got a lot of thoughts in my head that I want to talk about. I love talking about my ideas, and who doesn’t?! Especially when conversing with someone. Lots of times, many, many times actually, my ideas aren’t actually relevant or pertinent to the conversation that I’m currently in. I’ll often be in a conversation when a thought pops into my head. I’m listening, listening, when all of a sudden I’ll think of something that something they said reminded me of. Many times, it’s not even relevant to the conversation. I’ll think, “ooo I wanna tell them this new thing I learned about x,y,z.” and I may interrupt, or feel an urge to interrupt, them to say my thing. This is when the many hours of meditation practice comes into play. I could choose to follow my thoughts and burst out with “oh yeah, speaking of cats, my sister just built a bird house with all stuff she found on a nature walk!” How I got from a brief mention of cats to my sister’s all-natural bird house, only my subconscious knows. What is certain is that I felt what I wanted to say was more important than what they were already saying.
[10:13] What’s another way that I could’ve approached this? Instead of following the urge to speak about bird houses that pops up, I could recognize it, keep my mouth shut, and then just keep listening. It’s as simple as that! If the thought about bird houses is really that important, it will come up again once they’re finished. If it doesn’t come back, it probably doesn’t need to. But what about the next random thought that pops into my brain? Do the same thing again! Recognize it, then gently pull my attention back to the person in front of me. In this situation, I’ve avoided an embarrassing interruption and being rude to the person right in front of me. In The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh tells us to give all of our attention to the being in front of you. The being in front of you is who deserves your attention the most at this moment, especially when you chose to be in that situation. When in a conversation with someone, they deserve your full attention. When playing with your non-human animal companions, they deserve all of your attention. When reading or speaking with your children, they deserve your complete attention. It’s as simple as that. There’s not much thought involved. You chose to be in this situation, so focus your attention on the thing you chose to focus your attention on.
[11:39] If you did not choose the situation you’re in, things can be different. Sometimes you’re in a situation you did not choose and it’s okay to recognize that. You can still choose to be there once you’ve recognized that it wasn’t your choice initially. That is being mindful. Saying, “I may not have thought that I’d be in this situation, but I feel safe and confident here, so I’ll continue to stay in this situation and choose to focus my attention on the being in front of me.” On the other hand, you may find yourself in a situation that you didn’t choose and you do not feel safe or confident in it. In this situation, you can still be mindful and say, “I do not want to be here. I’m choosing to leave this situation.” Or “I do not want to talk about this because it makes me feel x,y,z. I’m choosing to change the subject, or focus on something else they said.” In all instances, whether we chose to be there, didn’t choose to be there and are okay with it, or we didn’t choose to be there and don’t want to be there anymore, we can be mindful in our actions. Being mindful is simply saying, “I am in this situation currently, let’s be here” or “I have found myself in this situation currently, do I want to be here?” and then enacting your assessment.
[12:56] Now that I’ve discussed how to apply mindfulness in our daily lives, I want to talk about what mindfulness isn’t. Or at least what I don’t mean when I talk about being mindful. I’ve talked to people in *the real life* about mindfulness and have heard responses like, “I don’t think mindfulness is always useful” or “I don’t know if mindfulness will actually help me.” These are valid. The way that mindfulness is presented to many people is almost as a hyper-conscious awareness that, at times, can be overwhelming and actually suck the joy out of a moment. I just want to clarify that this is not the type of mindfulness that I am recommending or practicing. Mindfulness should not be a source of stress, it should help to relieve our stress. We don’t want to come to at the bottom of a rabbit hole and wonder how we got there. It’s okay to follow thoughts or to day dream. We just want to know that we’re intending to do that. When I’m in a conversation and suddenly I have no idea what they’ve been saying for the last 5 minutes because I’ve unintentionally followed a thought and have ended up in a long, dark rabbit hole, I get stressed. Will they know that I wasn’t listening? Why wasn’t I listening? Should I just try to jump back in with what I last remember them saying, or just try to catch up at where they are at now? Why wasn’t I listening? Maybe I could just admit it and hope they won’t be too upset to repeat themselves. God, why wasn’t I listening?
[14:31] Or perhaps I decide to blurt out that thought that popped up. This, for me, especially once I really became attuned to how much I actually do this, is really embarrassing and ultimately stressful. I tend to have a habit of trying to finish people’s sentences. I get really excited about what they’re talking about and assume that I know exactly where they’re going with their thought. I interrupt to, many times, not even help the situation. In fact, many times, the person forgets what they were even talking about. Obviously, this wasn’t my intention, but this is inevitably what happens when I interrupt someone. I feel upset with myself afterwards and it stresses me out that I wasn’t able to not follow that urge. I’ve been working on this a lot in my personal life and have found that I enjoy the surprises I encounter by listening to what’s actually on other people’s minds. People surprise me all of the time. It’s a humbling experience to realize that you have no idea what others are thinking and what’s going on in their heads, and that the only way to find out is to ask and listen. And that’s where mindfulness comes in. It takes a lot of mindfulness and practice to be able to combat those urges, but it keeps the stress resulting from the alternative at bay.
[15:52] For me, to keep mindfulness and its practice in my daily life as simple and stress-free as possible, I resort to noticing and recognizing immediate cues in my surroundings to ground me. For example, when I might find myself getting anxious in a particular situation, I look around me and label some immediate cues in my environment: I’m sitting in a blue chair, there is a blue blanket draped over the chair, there’s a table in front of me, I’m typing on my keyboard that is attached to my tablet, there is a glass of water to my right, a cup of tea to my left, I feel cool, my feet feel warm, my neck feels- stiff. I’m immediately grounded to the present in this situation. I’ve focused all my attention to what is happening right now, instead of allowing myself to become anxious about something that I have no control over. In conversation it might go more like this: I’m standing here with my dear friend, they’re wearing a red sweater, they’re talking about the traffic they were just in, they mentioned that they were cut off twice in 5 minutes. Once I’m able to attune my focus back to the actual conversation, I find it much easier to keep listening and listen with excitement and anticipation, wondering what they’ll say next.
[17:11] Finally, I use this strategy when I’m alone and searching for some calm peace. I’ll lay in Grass and close my eyes, I’ll begin feeling the cool Breeze on my face, perhaps the warmth of Sun on my skin. Then I search for the sound of Birds singing, or Wind blowing through Trees, and focus on that sound. Naturally, I begin to tune out all other noises, the cars rumbling past, the trains plowing through, the planes roaring overhead. Occasionally, I hear Wind will blow through some chimes and their sound accompanies the song of the Birds. I find peace and calmness in these moments, despite the rumbling of machines around me. I try to do this as often as possible because it’s just an extension of my meditation practice. It’s my practice actualized and applied in a different context, one that, yes, has very low stakes, unlike the embarrassing situation that can occur in a real-time conversation. However, the application of the practice onto a different context, but one with low stakes, helps me be able to generalize the practice even more, and in situations with higher stakes.
[18:30] Mindfulness is about choice. Mindfulness doesn’t happen when we’re not paying attention; it allows us to pay closer attention. It’s choosing between following the thousands of inevitable thoughts that pop into our heads throughout the day and focusing on what’s happening right now right in front of us. Mindfulness is about reducing stress and striving to make it easier for the next time. It’s not easy, but it is simple. With continued practice and patience with yourself, we can strive to be mindful in all situations. It helps to remember that no matter how long or how often we practice meditation or mindfulness, it will always be a practice. It may, and probably will, become easier with time, but thoughts always pop up and mindfulness is the practice of recognizing them and choosing whether to follow them or refocus on the task at hand. We’re faced with these decisions every day, in fact, every time a thought pops up. Over time, we’ve just learned to follow our thoughts without thinking about it. In practicing mindfulness, we are retraining our brains. Taking back that control. We can take our meditation practice into our daily lives while we try to find some calm peace on our own, then into our interactions with others. Ultimately, practicing mindfulness is about having control over our own minds, choosing where our minds go, and it all starts with simple recognition.
[20:09] {Singing} *Recommendaaaationsssss*
For today’s recommendations, I mentioned The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh. This is a beginners guide to the practice of meditation and how to apply mindfulness in your daily life. Very pertinent to this episode topic. I’ve recommended it before, and I’ll probably continue to recommend it, so check it out if you’d like some more knowledge and wisdom about meditating and, of course, mindfulness.
Then, there’s our recommendations from our Native segment today. First you can check out “The Case of Leonard Peltier”, which you can access on the Indigenous Action website. There’s also the site, WhoIsLeonardPeltier.info, which gives in-depth details and updates on Leonard and his case. For more information on Leonard, the happenings on the Pine Ridge Oglala Lakota Reservation, and how you can help in the fight to free Leonard Peltier, check out “The Case of Leonard Peltier” or visit WhoIsLeonardPeltier.info. I’ll link all of these recommendations in the show notes.
[21:19] If you enjoyed this episode, help support the podcast! All this content is free and I’d love to make it my job one day, so if you’re financially able join our patreon or send a one-time or recurring donation through paypal! You can also share an episode with family or friends, and give UK a kind rating and review!
Check out UnderstandingKindness.com for all episodes, transcripts, and blog posts. And why not take a listen to my other podcast, Better When Awkward, co-hosted by my childhood best friend Jasmine!
Get in touch with me by emailing UnderstandingKindness@protonmail.com, or through social media. You can find all links in the episode notes.
For now, be kind, be compassionate, be understanding, and question everything. I’ll be here. Thank you for listening to this episode of Understanding Kindness.
[22:07] {Horn honking} Nope. There’s a car. {Drinking noises} {Cup hitting metal} Drink break.
I’ve talked to people in *the real life*.
{Doot doot doot noises} {Bown bown waw wawh} {Giggle}
{Waw wawh} {Waw Wawh}
{Rendition of theme} [End transcript]