Mystery Maniacs

🎙️ Episode:  https://share.transistor.fm/s/32e3605f
📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/201

Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 201 (Poirot S1E7),Poirot uses a doll to expose a killer and Hastings shoots some things. REMIXED!   

Cashmere - Love's All I Want • TopPop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrFDpTGJzEI

Adaline licks the Turkish Delight

Egypt and the Sudan (8th ed.), Leipzig: Karl Baedeker, 1929
https://archive.org/details/egyptsdnhand00karl/page/n11/mode/2up

Wrestling Over A Wall Hanging

Old Dracula

Roller Ball
 

Time Team on Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/@TimeTeamOfficial

Thanks again for listening!
-----------------------------------

Schedule for April
  •  April 22: Poirot S01 E08 - "The Incredible Theft" 202
  •  April 28: Tea With The Maniacs 4:00 pm

------------------------------------
NEWSLETTER: Keep up with all things Mystery Maniac through our newsletter! 

Signup here for free: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/
------------------------------------
Maniac Merch: https://midsomer-maniacs-podcast.myspreadshop.com/

------------------------------------
Connect with the Maniacs:
Rate us on Spotify and Apple!
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/MysteryManiacsPodcast
Twitter.com - https://twitter.com/mystery_maniacs
Sarah’s twitter: https://www.twitter.com/intellagirl
Mark’s Twitter: - https://twitter.com/bell_typewriter
IG -https://www.instagram.com/mysterymaniacspodcast/
Email - mysterymaniacspodcast@gmail.com
Web - mysterymaniacspodcast.com

Creators & Guests

Host
Mark Bell
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs

What is Mystery Maniacs?

Mystery Maniacs Podcast is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery Television. Formerly, Midsomer Maniacs podcast.

Sarah:

Hey, maniac.

Mark:

Hey, mystery maniac.

Sarah:

Welcome to a remix.

Mark:

Boy, that was a rant that you went on.

Sarah:

It just finished. Here here I thought you would, like, blend it out and people would just hear that I was, like, had a tone.

Mark:

But no. No. There's a thread on Reddit.

Sarah:

People really listened closely to how I was feeling about it.

Mark:

There's there's a thread on Reddit now. Today's episode. Oh, 37 minute. Oh, I'm gonna

Sarah:

go on a rant. We got other stuff to do.

Mark:

Welcome to episode 201, The Problem at Sea, and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for Cockney Poirot and your little doll 2, remixed.

Sarah:

Wicky, wicky, wicky, wicky. I love that you do the hand moves like you're like you're on a turntable and nobody can see you do it.

Mark:

People can't see me do that.

Sarah:

You do the little.

Mark:

So before these remix episodes, we throw a little bonus material your way so that we keep up to date with things and have some fun. But the first thing we wanna talk about is UK UK Midsummer viewers, the waiting is over.

Sarah:

Finally. Finally. More people.

Mark:

Unless unless and I don't wanna jinx it.

Sarah:

Charles dies.

Mark:

Charles passes away or something.

Sarah:

If he doesn't or if something else doesn't happen, you will have received?

Mark:

The black tree's prophecies last night

Sarah:

in the Season 23, episode 1 of Midsummer Murders. Finally. Poor people.

Mark:

We have a mini episode for that mini episode 18 called the stupidest wallpaper because if you remember, it's some stupid wallpaper. And then, now if you've listened to it,

Sarah:

now you can listen. If you can listen to the full episode.

Mark:

Now yes. If you watched it, you can listen to the full episode. 150, the black tree's prophecy. Actually, one of our top episodes. Gloomsday Preppers in the Party Pit.

Sarah:

I love our titles. I forget how crazy our titles are, and then I go back and look, and they always crack me up. So And sometimes I don't even remember why we called it that. Yeah. Like,

Mark:

it's There are times I look at the title and go, I have no idea what we're

Sarah:

talking about. Little doll too, I get. I understand that. The creepy doll.

Mark:

So those, releases are will be in the show notes of this episode as well Yes. Along with the regular show notes. So you get all the remix show notes and all that good stuff. This is this will be our last remix episode. I don't know for I think we've covered all the other episodes that we've done.

Mark:

Yeah. This may be our last remix episode. Yep. So then we go back to Poirot season 1 number 8, the incredible theft that will be released on April 22nd. And then, dear listeners, I gotta tell you, The last 2 weeks of May the last 2 weeks of April and the 1st 2 weeks of May Crazy time.

Sarah:

People are tired of hearing about how crazy our lives are.

Mark:

So I'm not sure exactly Let's just

Sarah:

say I just had to buy 3 sets of cap and gowns. Yes. The They're expensive.

Mark:

The schedule after the 22nd will be in flux.

Sarah:

So We'll roll with it.

Mark:

Yep. We'll figure

Sarah:

it out. The 28th April. Yes. Is a special day.

Mark:

Yes. We will be doing the ask tea with the maniac.

Sarah:

Yes. Not just 1. 2 maniacs.

Mark:

Tea with tea with the maniacs.

Sarah:

There you go. Yes. That's on April 28th, which is a Sunday at 4 PM. It's we're gonna treat it like our our real 200th episode.

Mark:

We have a lot of questions.

Sarah:

4 PM EST sorry. Eastern US time.

Mark:

PM EST US time on YouTube.

Sarah:

Yeah. So you'll be able see us answer your crazy questions.

Mark:

Yeah. And we'll save the chat and do all that good stuff so that if you watch it later, you can see all the chats and all the questions. And I I don't. We're gonna keep it to an hour.

Sarah:

Yes. We're gonna have a lot of fun.

Mark:

Yes. As well as it came out this week, the father Brown and Midsummer are now in production in the next series already. So just in time, England, you're you will remain 2 seasons behind.

Sarah:

It's an English show. I'm angry on their behalf.

Mark:

If only there was a way that you could talk directly to Midsummer and tell them how dissatisfied you were with the fact that in the UK, you're not getting the episodes till, like

Sarah:

Don't get into it. To Don't get into your eventing. Hey. This week, we got a couple of really good emails from folks, and I just wanna say hi to these people. Yep.

Sarah:

So Diane emailed to say that that, she and I think her her husband are downsizing, and they had to pack, and then they had to unpack. And she said she listened to the podcast while she was doing it, and it helped her through all of that. You know, leave it to us. We are a great thing to listen to while doing tedious things.

Mark:

Yes. We're awesome at that. Like sleeping and packing.

Sarah:

Yes. A lot of people listen while they're sleeping. I'm I'm glad we can help. The other email we got was from Bethany, who said that she's working on a master's and working full time, and maybe were a little stress relief. I relate to that.

Sarah:

I understand. I started a PhD with triplets who were 3 at the time. I did my masters when they were, like, 6 months old. I get it. It's tough.

Mark:

In the space of the children being to 7, we did

Sarah:

3 degrees. 3 degrees. Between us. Yeah. It was nuts.

Mark:

Wow.

Sarah:

So I understand. And, hey, I'm glad we can be of a little help, you know. If you if you need some proofreading or something, let me know. That's excellent. I've been there.

Mark:

Excellent community building, Sarah. Yes. Something that, I don't know, another podcast might not do any of. Sorry. Little.

Sarah:

You're riled. Little riled. I've stopped listening to it, but you keep doing it. Yeah. This is happening to you.

Sarah:

Yes. I've got a little recommendation for everybody. Even if you've never seen it before, you need to go and watch the newest episodes of Time Team on YouTube. Right? So Time Team used to be on TV.

Sarah:

They brought it back, and now they're doing original things, and they're only putting them on YouTube. Yep. So if you look up on YouTube, you look for Time Team. The latest three episodes are the 3 days of a dig they did in a town called Modbury. Okay?

Sarah:

Now Time Team is an archaeology show. They dig in the dirt. They find things, yada yada. You know how it goes. Right?

Sarah:

Even if you've never seen it, that's how it goes. Okay? We've got just 3 days to do it. Yeah. Right?

Sarah:

However, there's something special about these episodes because there's a guy in them who's never been in midst in in a time team as far as I can remember. And I think I've seen every episode Multiple times. Once. Okay? He's the architectural historian that they bring in.

Sarah:

He's a little guy.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

And it's in summer. Okay? Everybody else is wearing a t shirt and shorts.

Mark:

Everybody. Is Toby Jones playing this guy?

Sarah:

They look a lot alike.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

So if you can imagine Toby Jones

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

In little glasses Yeah. And a black trench coat.

Mark:

Oh, does he have a fedora?

Sarah:

No. Okay. A black trench coat and a messenger bag, cross body messenger bag the whole time. Okay?

Mark:

In this weather, in the in the And while

Sarah:

everybody else is wearing shorts and complaining about being sunburned, he's wearing that.

Mark:

Okay? It has been rainy in the UK lately.

Sarah:

It's not in the episode. Yep. Okay? When they're digging, there's no rain.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

Okay? He wanders around seemingly separate from everybody else, finding random bits of architecture to comment on, including calling a ceiling delicious. Woah. Like, he wants to lick it. And he finds bits of fireplaces embedded in sidewalks and people's yards and Oh.

Mark:

Like He's the he gets murdered before the

Sarah:

I know. The cold open. What I was gonna say. One of the things about being a maniac is that even when you're watching a show where nobody gets murdered, your mind immediately goes, oh, he'd be the victim. Yep.

Sarah:

And in this time team, this guy would absolutely be the victim.

Mark:

On YouTube.

Sarah:

So there's 3 episodes because they do an episode for each of the day of the dig. Every time they say test pit, you gotta take a shot.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

If you make it through all 3, I'll be impressed. Because, man, there's a lot of test pits.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

But you gotta you're gonna watch it like a maniac now. You gotta watch this little guy. He's awesome. He's incredibly weird and awesome.

Mark:

So UK listeners reminder, watch your Midsummer last night. Go back in time. Watch your Midsummer.

Sarah:

No. Go back in time further and listen to the mini first.

Mark:

Watch the mini

Sarah:

Then watch it.

Mark:

Listen to the mini. Watch the episode and then listen to our episode.

Sarah:

Let's be fair. If they could travel in time, they wouldn't have waited this long to see it.

Mark:

That's that's

Sarah:

Poor people.

Mark:

That's true. And then we will return on April 22nd with Cuero season 1 episode 8, the incredible theft. How British.

Sarah:

How very British. If you've not seen it and you keep hearing us say that,

Mark:

you'll under got not leaked.

Sarah:

You'll understand. But this week, enjoy problem at c.

Mark:

Bye, maniacs.

Sarah:

Bye, maniacs. Hey, maniacs. Hey, maniac. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited.

Mark:

You know, these maniacs are fantastic.

Sarah:

Well, I knew that, but why particularly are they excited? We did. Awesome right now.

Mark:

Not only have we retained everybody, but we have grown our audience substantially already.

Sarah:

That's fantastic.

Mark:

Lots of more maniacs. Yes. We're we're maniacs. We're on the verge of a 1,000 followers.

Sarah:

Oh, you've been saying that ever.

Mark:

We're almost at 900.

Sarah:

Okay. Everybody else is going, yeah. He has been saying that for him.

Mark:

Well, I'm telling you, if there's a way to make me shut up.

Sarah:

I don't want you to shut up.

Mark:

Because once we get to a 1,000, I don't know whatever milestone after that. I

Sarah:

don't really care. Have nothing left to talk about. You're like, I guess I'm just gonna do a podcast now and Stop talking about YouTube.

Mark:

Yep. So anyway get your kids and your grandkids to follow.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. Hey. We're gonna have new

Mark:

The latest thing on YouTube is to go. It's free. Oh, that's important. Yes.

Sarah:

Because of all the dang old Itunes. You can click subscribe and pay a dollar 99 a week to listen to this without annoying ads. Maybe you just shouldn't have it so many.

Mark:

We're just gonna make this very clear. We're never going to charge for this podcast.

Sarah:

And we're never gonna have ads.

Mark:

Never charge. Never gonna have ads. We're not interested in that at all.

Sarah:

Anyhoo, in September, we'll have new swag in the store, though.

Mark:

Excellent.

Sarah:

And we'll have a new charity for the said swag.

Mark:

Yes. Fantastic.

Sarah:

Sometime in September. I'm not making any commitments on what day?

Mark:

Excellent. We're just

Sarah:

That's what I'm

Mark:

I'm still getting through October. Oh my gosh.

Sarah:

It's only August.

Mark:

Still getting through August. We have week and a half left. Lots to do so. Yes. Well, when this comes out only a couple of days left and almost everything's done.

Mark:

We're living in the future. We're living in the future. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. We're ahead. You guys, you long time listeners will know how long that will last.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

Mystery maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of a show including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love.

Sarah:

So long as there are British corpses, we're there. Yes. This week Not that we wanna kill British people. We don't. But we do like to watch them die.

Mark:

This week, we're covering Poirot season 1 episode 7, Problem at Sea.

Sarah:

Oh, man. There's so many problems at sea.

Mark:

There's so many problems at sea. I'm Mark.

Sarah:

I'm Sarah. And now what? Like 10 minutes in?

Mark:

Yeah. This is a spoiler podcast.

Sarah:

We're gonna ruin it. If you don't know who killed the old bag on the boat

Mark:

Colonel Scott.

Sarah:

Now. Oh, you gotta give him a chance to stop.

Mark:

No. He did it. That show is 20 years old.

Sarah:

The question isn't who did

Mark:

it. 20 years old.

Sarah:

Anyway, it's how did he do it Yeah. That Poirot figures out. Once he figures out how it could be done, he knows exactly.

Mark:

Kids are old enough to go on a strange cruise with old people. How boring would that cruise be for those for those teenage girls and that little girl?

Sarah:

Is Minnie? Is is Meanie?

Mark:

Is Meanie.

Sarah:

When she's an old lady, she's gonna say, I helped Poirot solve a crime when I was 7.

Mark:

And who and who like, oh.

Sarah:

There's so many questions.

Mark:

So many questions.

Sarah:

So many questions.

Mark:

Just as an introduction for new people, remember, we're gonna say Agatha Christie's Poirot just as Poirot, not just Agatha Christie.

Sarah:

Talking about the one and only David Suchet Poirot.

Mark:

The one and

Sarah:

only The only one that counts The only if you're talking about TV versions.

Mark:

Well, we'll get there. We'll get there.

Sarah:

Gonna compare this to the short story ever so briefly, but then we're gonna just pretend that there's no short story to talk about. And we're just gonna talk about the story is probably 10 pages. It's very brief.

Mark:

It's it is I was like, oh, woah. Woah. Oh, we're done.

Sarah:

The end. Agatha Christie liked to get to the point. That's why people liked her writing.

Mark:

You you get three descriptive words of your personality if you're a main character, and that's it.

Sarah:

Yeah. Tight chews, egghead, done. Not even Little mustache.

Mark:

No. No. Plauro. Plauro, it is assumed you know who he is.

Sarah:

Well, we've got lots to talk about about this TV adaptation.

Mark:

Yes. 19th February 1989. Mhmm. Wow. 1000000 years ago.

Sarah:

What was going on in 89 culture wise? So this is set in the thirties. So you don't even associate, like, what was going on in the world.

Mark:

It's like 50 years in the past.

Sarah:

At the same time.

Mark:

Imagine 50 years from now, like, past now.

Sarah:

You mean in the future? 70s. No. So what was popular in 1989? Like, what was, like, what was what was on the radio?

Mark:

Paula Abdul was on the radio singing straight up. She was super popular right there.

Sarah:

Straight up now tell me do you

Mark:

And Wild Thing by Tone Loc.

Sarah:

Oh, Wild Thing by Tone Loc. That was Poirot's favorite song. Like to do the wild thing.

Mark:

What I Am by Edie Brickell was also in the top 10.

Sarah:

Oh my god. That's an earworm.

Mark:

Yeah. And you've got it, The Right Stuff, by the new kids on the block.

Sarah:

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. These are all things Poirot would hate, by the way.

Mark:

Oh, most definitely. But we have more bad music to get to this episode. Mhmm. So February 1989, directed by Reni Rai and, written by Clive Exton.

Sarah:

The right

Mark:

stuff. We start on a boat, and I have a question here.

Sarah:

It's the Maldives. The Maldives? Maldi Mal yeah.

Mark:

Question I have is what is filmed in England, and what is filmed in Egypt and

Sarah:

It is not filmed in Egypt. Where they? It is filmed in Rhodes, The very same place that the last episode was filmed.

Mark:

It's filmed in the exact same location.

Sarah:

Yes. They they

Mark:

did dressed.

Sarah:

They did some set dressing, and the stuff on the boat is actually filmed on the boat.

Mark:

Oh, okay.

Sarah:

Yeah. This this boat was recently, and I say recently, in the last 15 years or so, completely restored to its original state by a very rich person.

Mark:

That's cool.

Sarah:

It's quite beautiful.

Mark:

I can imagine.

Sarah:

You can imagine Poirot sitting there having his. Yep. It looks beautiful.

Mark:

But up on the deck is Hastings and the girls. Oh, nice. Every single time I see this, I think somebody's gonna get shot in the face in this scene.

Sarah:

Now Hastings is not the sharpest stick in the bunch Nope. But he's not a dunce.

Mark:

Boy, he does love the attention he gets from doing this clay pigeon thing though.

Sarah:

You know, but I don't think it's from the girls that he wants the attention. I just think he loves to organize. Yeah. I think so. Excited to have an event Yes.

Sarah:

And he wants everybody to be excited about it.

Mark:

Only imagine how bored he is. He doesn't read. Right. He's super bored.

Sarah:

Yep. And there's no legitimately pretty women in his age bracket that he can gawp at

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

On the boat. He's gonna let Pamela and Kitty hold a gun.

Mark:

So how old do you think these young ladies are?

Sarah:

Pamela says to Kitty, do you wanna use the sling shotty thing, the catapulty thing? And Kitty says, I think I'll learn the gun part first. Yes. No. No.

Sarah:

No. Hastings is very careful with the gun though. He keeps it broken over his arm.

Mark:

Oh. And all times

Sarah:

shows

Mark:

he's careful. Safety.

Sarah:

But then later when he's talking to them, like, well, you you have to shoot this direction. You can't just shoot wherever. You might hit the mast or worse. Yeah. Yeah.

Mark:

I'm always waiting for or worse.

Sarah:

How old do I think they are or they're supposed to be? Or what are you asking me?

Mark:

Do you think they're supposed to be? 22. Really that old?

Sarah:

Yeah. Okay. Because they have no chaperone with them.

Mark:

No. They have no chaperone.

Sarah:

Now they are on a private cruise ship that only has 12 passengers Yes. Which would have cost a lot of money.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

The closest estimate I can get for what is at least a 2 week cruise

Mark:

At least 2 weeks.

Sarah:

On a very small ship is about $30 in today's money per person.

Mark:

They gotta be.

Sarah:

Now they're sharing a berth. They have bunk beds. Yep. They have the lowest quality Room. You know, passenger room.

Sarah:

So maybe they're on there for 20 a piece.

Mark:

Maybe.

Sarah:

But somebody really wanted to get rid of them for a few weeks.

Mark:

I think you should go on holiday in

Sarah:

the Mediterranean. Stuff.

Mark:

We're hot stuff. Well, they could be listening to the captain reciting Swinburne poetry. Algernon Charles Swinburne, English poet, playwright, novelist, and critic wrote several novels and collections of poetries including poems and ballads that contributed to the famous 11th edition of Encyclopedia Britannica.

Sarah:

Wow. Algernon Swinburne. Yep. That is one British name.

Mark:

That is one British name y name.

Sarah:

The missus Morgan, the other two ladies.

Mark:

And their niece.

Sarah:

And 2 are together on the boat. And her dolls. Are at least in their fifties. Yes. They're old enough to be her grandmother.

Mark:

I'll tell you what this story needs is a shark attack.

Sarah:

Tell me why you think they are on this boat with that little girl.

Mark:

I think probably the little girl is having a new brother or sister added to the family.

Sarah:

Oh, I thought maybe her parents were killed in the first war.

Mark:

Could be. Could be that. And she

Sarah:

lives with them now.

Mark:

Yep. That's true. Could be that.

Sarah:

The miss Morgan who sings

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Is singing. She's practicing at the beginning of the episode. And she sings crushing out life. Crushing out life. Her vibrato was fantastic.

Mark:

It is.

Sarah:

Which is from the Kashmiri love song, which Hastings doesn't like that she sings. But do you do you wanna know why she's singing about crushing out life?

Mark:

Okay. 1st, I wanna tell you on the adventure I went on, which was I tried to find the Kashmiri love song and instead found Kashmir singing love's all I want on top of the pops

Sarah:

That's very different. 1979. That's very different. I'll put

Mark:

it in the notes. It may be the most 1970 nineties song of all

Sarah:

time. Fell down that rabbit hole willingly. You didn't think that that was the song that she was singing.

Mark:

But but I'll

Sarah:

put it in

Mark:

the show notes.

Sarah:

Straight up now. Tell me if you really wanna blow up me forever.

Mark:

But it is, like, I think it's better. I I want you to come look at this.

Sarah:

I'm sorry. I'm imagining her in that headdress with the big feather going, wild sing. And then sorry. You're missing my dance because this is an audio medium.

Mark:

So I've played some of of Cashmere, Love's All I Want for Sarah from Top pot.

Sarah:

I would rather hear miss Morgan sing Toneloque's wild thing than listen to that song. There's my verdict.

Mark:

It's horrendous. So tell me about the Cashmere Love Song.

Sarah:

All I need to tell you are the lyrics that are around the lyric that she's singing. Okay. I would have rather felt you round my throat, crushing out life, than waving me farewell.

Mark:

Wow. That is some goth time lyrics there. Is that Evanescence singing

Sarah:

that song? Choke than break up.

Mark:

By Susie Sue.

Sarah:

Just kill me now. Which is probably what everybody thinks listening to missus Morgan sing. But I I understand why Hastings would prefer her not to sing that song. It's not really, a happy song.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And paired with the army of today's alright is quite jarring.

Mark:

Yes. Well, you know, Sarah, I live quite intensely.

Sarah:

Oh my gosh. I hate her from the moment she's on screen. I read this analysis of of this story, specifically of the episode. It was a review, of the episode. And the person who wrote it was very sympathetic to Adeline and said that when she's in front of the mirror in her room singing to herself

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

That she's reminiscing about the days when she was younger and more beautiful and got attention that her husband doesn't give her anymore. And it made her seem sort of sad.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And you're like, oh, well, that's unfortunate. And then she talks. Yes. And there is no sympathy for her anymore. No.

Sarah:

She's what? 50? And she's talking about it was my hospital. Poirot is just flummoxed. She cuts him off constantly.

Sarah:

Like, I'm cutting you off right now. And when she says, if one is not alive, what is 1? And he says, dead. And she's like, he's not offended. He's like, oh, she's gone.

Sarah:

Good.

Mark:

Yep. She leaves her magazines.

Sarah:

Yeah. Whatever. Because she sees so unpleasant.

Mark:

She sees her husband talking to his latest paramour.

Sarah:

Now he does have his hands on her shoulders.

Mark:

He's touching her, man.

Sarah:

Which is pretty forward for the thirties.

Mark:

And he's lying to her.

Sarah:

Wow. That's what he does.

Mark:

Well, he's saying that there's no sharks in the Mediterranean. Let me tell you how wrong he is.

Sarah:

Go for a swim. It'll be fine.

Mark:

The Mediterranean. Done. Done. The Mediterranean is home to 15 types of sharks including blue sharks, blacktip sharks, shortfin mako sharks

Sarah:

Wait a minute. Are any of these big enough to actually hurt anybody?

Mark:

Including the smooth hammerhead shark. Yeah. These are big animals.

Sarah:

Okay. Okay. So don't go swimming in the Mediterranean is what you're saying.

Mark:

Yep. But, you know, she should get hit by an axe. Wow. Out of nowhere he comes out with that.

Sarah:

Kind of unprovoked. Yeah. If she was my wife, I'd put an axe in her head. Hyderabad.

Mark:

How do you really feel? So you know where Hyderabad is?

Sarah:

Yeah. Where? It's in India.

Mark:

It's in literally the center of India.

Sarah:

Yeah. Is the most central place to India. I didn't know. Missus Henderson or miss Henderson is so clever.

Mark:

Oh, she is one of the best lines here.

Sarah:

She has many good lines

Mark:

in this afternoon. Good lines.

Sarah:

But when she tells Colonel Forbes that she can't exercise because her for her religion forbids at this time of year. It is classic.

Mark:

Poirot Twitters. Yeah. He titters.

Sarah:

Yeah. They make that eye contact or she's like, oh, I was naughty. And he gets, Forbes gets up and like, well, I okay then, and walks off.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

One of the reviews I read of this episode said that maybe she was insinuating something about her period. I'm like, no. No. No.

Mark:

She's just making a show.

Sarah:

She's just totally lying to him, and he can't say anything back because he's polite. Yeah. Like, what religion is that lady? Let me see your book and prove it to me. He's just like, well, okay.

Sarah:

Off he goes.

Mark:

Poirot is reading a magazine called the bystander Yeah. Which again like last week is the not the American bystander which is the American version of this magazine.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

It has a super cool art deco logo on it that was only in the from 35 to 39. So somewhere in there.

Sarah:

I'm kind of surprised he's reading that magazine. It's kind of a tattler magazine.

Mark:

Yeah. It's a gossip

Sarah:

and their dirty secrets.

Mark:

Yes. So now we get to singing the army of today.

Sarah:

Well, you can't forget Skinner. Are you spying on us? Yes. I mean, no. No.

Sarah:

I was just coming to take your dishes away.

Mark:

He he's totally a Pink Panther Cluzo villain.

Sarah:

Yes. So one lens of his glasses is black. Is that to replace a patch? I

Mark:

don't know because he has an eye. Yeah. I don't know what what he's not in the story at all. He is pure creation. By the way, Hastings is not in

Sarah:

the story. It doesn't matter. If he was blind in that eye, there would be no reason to put it it must be an unsightly eye, which we can only think is a war injury. Right? Something.

Sarah:

But it immediately makes him creepy.

Mark:

He's creepy. Skinner is creepy.

Sarah:

Of course, he's not doing anything to to correct that assumption either. No.

Mark:

He's not. He's a thief.

Sarah:

He's a thief and he's creepy. He's skulking around. And his name is Skinner. Skinner.

Mark:

We're all civilians now.

Sarah:

Then why do they all go by their military titles? Captain, colonel, everybody, all the men. Like, even even, Clapperton makes one up. I mean, like, why But

Mark:

I love I love it when Hastings gets frustrated.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

Like and this is another episode we're not talking about. But when he's dating the woman who's into architecture Yes. And all he all he does is go over and meet her mother.

Sarah:

And have tea because she avoids them all the time.

Mark:

His frustration is delicious, and it's the same here. He goes, all I told her was don't sing military songs or or Indian love songs. What does she do?

Sarah:

And Bates is great because he's I don't know if we're supposed to think that Bates, like, served with Hastings, but they they clearly have connected Yep. Even though he's a passenger and Bates is is working on the ship. Yeah. But they've clearly connected. But Kitty and Pamela go after mister Clapperton who is old, married to a hag, and here's single man Hastings.

Mark:

Okay. This is maybe why they got sent on the boat.

Sarah:

Because they have bad taste in men?

Mark:

That they that they have a thing for married men.

Sarah:

Because Hastings is attractive Well,

Mark:

you know. And fun. Matrimony. Yeah.

Sarah:

But I I don't understand that. And, when Adeline clicks the Turkish delight Okay. I wanna stop

Mark:

that. Moment here.

Sarah:

Saw it.

Mark:

Where Adeline is given Turkish delight by her husband.

Sarah:

There's nothing in my house older than 3 years.

Mark:

She performs a sexual act of that piece of Turkish delight.

Sarah:

We have a picture of it.

Mark:

We have a picture of it. I'm putting it in the notes. I dare you to tell me that is not a sexual act.

Sarah:

How can she pretend to be so proper and right about everything and then do that?

Mark:

Yeah. And then Poirot just speak in French all over the place.

Sarah:

Though, I do like when mister and missus Tolliver introduce themselves to her

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And she she says, oh, and your name? And she says, I'm missus I'm I'm mister Tolliver, and this is my wife, missus Tolliver. And Adeline says, what a clever arrangement.

Mark:

She's just so They

Sarah:

kinda deserve that. People. Oh, don't you just wanna kiss the ground and thank God you never had children? Actually, we did.

Mark:

Oh, she knows quite well that they had children.

Sarah:

They are so oblivious to you. They're like, whatever. Okay.

Mark:

Meanwhile, Poirot has his giant telescope out.

Sarah:

That's a clever little walking stick he has that has a a little telescope on the end. Telescope. Yep. It's not quite as clever as the one he has in another episode that turns into a chair. Yes.

Sarah:

But it's clever.

Mark:

It is.

Sarah:

He says the moon is a giant. So

Mark:

is egg. Yeah. I know that one.

Sarah:

It means a baked egg. It's like egg in a pot.

Mark:

Egg in a pot.

Sarah:

Now we've already said mister Clapperton does this. Right? I knew that going into this rewatch. So when I'm rewatching something like this, I are and I already know who the killer is.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

I look for evidence along the way to make sure that they didn't manufacture the clues in the flashback at the end. You know? When Clapperton is at the door talking to Adeline through the door, and his back is to Poirot and the girls, his throat moves.

Mark:

I noticed that. I noticed that, and that's excellent. And I really like that part as opposed to the part where they just did camera tricks with the cards. Well, yeah. I wish they I would I just They should

Sarah:

have taught him a card trick.

Mark:

They should have taught him a card trick.

Sarah:

Because and somebody can tell me if I'm wrong. The dealing, the 111, 222, 333, that is an impossible trick. There's no way he could do that. Unless he does I don't know if the thing in front of him on the table is another deck of cards or the box that those cards came out of. Unless he has a second deck that he's already put in order and he swaps the decks when nobody's looking, there's no way he could have done that.

Mark:

I'm not a connoisseur of card tricks. I'd be surprised if you could do that as a card trick, but I wouldn't be surprised if somebody's tried to do that as a card trick.

Sarah:

If they can swap decks without anybody seeing it for one that's already in order, I fully believe it. But, you know, he does that he does that trick just to put them off

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

To make them think that he's a magician. Absolutely. And not of individual works.

Mark:

Because, you know, that sort of stuff is instantly charming. Yeah. You do it once.

Sarah:

Right. If you do it more than once, you're annoying. Right? Yeah. But I was impressed to look back and see, yeah, his his throat moves ever so slightly.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

Now, apparently, in the short story, her voice is described much more shrilly. So it's more convincing that he could he could pretend to be her, that he could do an impression of her.

Mark:

I think it's a conceit that we have to say we're okay with.

Sarah:

Yeah. I'm alright with it.

Mark:

They say they're gonna take him to the souk. Do you know what the souk is? The market? It's like a bazaar. Yeah.

Mark:

And the kazbah. Do you know what the kazbah is? It's a fortress. Yeah. But he asked for his bay decker.

Mark:

Do you know what that is?

Sarah:

His travel guide.

Mark:

Yeah. So his travel guide. So, listeners, I found the Egyptian travel guide from Carl Baedeker that would have been printed at this time. It is the Egypt and Sudan 8th edition printed in 1929. It's got maps and currency conversion and things to Tells

Sarah:

you what food to order.

Mark:

What food to order. It's a really interesting book. I I'll put a link to there's a pdf of it online. You can read through the entire book. But again, with this book, like so many things now, I was like, you had to carry a book like that when you went somewhere or else you didn't know anything.

Mark:

Mhmm.

Sarah:

You couldn't just Google it.

Mark:

You couldn't just Google it.

Sarah:

I find that market extremely stressful. I can't believe those jewelry sellers get on the boat, like, the whole just no. No. I'm not going. So I'm staying on the boat.

Mark:

I think

Sarah:

Go get us some interesting food and bring it back.

Mark:

I think it's a bigger clue to his guilt that he has his passport passport already, and it's nothing is made from it. Like, he is premeditated that he took his passport. Oh, that he he knew he was gonna go. He knew he was gonna go. Because he's like, oh, I need to ask permission.

Mark:

He knew he was getting off the boat then.

Sarah:

Well, but that doesn't mean that he's guilty. It just means he knows his wife.

Mark:

Maybe.

Sarah:

Go away, John. I have a headache.

Mark:

Go away, John. I have a headache. Wow. There are a lot of extras and a camel.

Sarah:

And 2 people wrestling over a wall hanging?

Mark:

Yeah. We got pictures of that.

Sarah:

It's once you see it, you're like, wow. They are clearly like, We're supposed to pretend to wrestle over this wall hanging. Everybody has a fez or tassels on their hat.

Mark:

And so Hastings is here for, for comic relief.

Sarah:

I'm not gonna do the tourist things, Poirot. Let me climb on this plywood camel.

Mark:

Hard cut to the plywood camel.

Sarah:

I love that it's uncomfortable. Of course, it's uncomfortable.

Mark:

Your happy picture on the camel.

Sarah:

It's a slice of plywood in your crotch. He's so funny. I really like him in this episode. Yeah. He's very brave.

Sarah:

He's charming. He's funny. Pamela buys tons of junk. Did you see how much stuff she's carrying?

Mark:

She does, and she's like, get away from me.

Sarah:

Her name should be Patsy. Yes. Because clearly, she's bought anything anybody has ever tried to offer her including the same brass coffee pot that Pamela had in Rhodes.

Mark:

Yes. I did notice that. Yes. I did. Hastings is all about the competition though.

Mark:

So

Sarah:

Just if we can't have it on 14th, we might have it on 15th, but then the captain's dinner's on 17th.

Mark:

So I have a theory.

Sarah:

It's still why. Just scream at him and go, get over it. We don't need to do it.

Mark:

Well, I have a theory.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

In 29, it was made illegal to use real birds in these competitions.

Sarah:

Right.

Mark:

So clay pigeons would have been like a cool new thing at this point in time. It's kinda like the latest video game.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

So he's excited about it.

Sarah:

Just because they made it illegal to shoot actual birds for practice doesn't mean there weren't clay pigeons around too.

Mark:

I just think he was excited about.

Sarah:

I think he's also very good at it.

Mark:

Then, yes, then I wanted to know what a clay pigeon tosser would cost today.

Sarah:

One of the catapults?

Mark:

So I looked at 1. Yes. How much do you think the Do All Outdoors Raven automatic clay pigeon skeet thrower on wheels? It has a 50 clay capacity.

Sarah:

So this is like, like a a batting machine. Yes. So you don't even have to, like, pull it back. You just press a button.

Mark:

You have a foot switch so you can do it yourself. It's really replaces the the servant.

Sarah:

I'm gonna guess it's about $2.

Mark:

Nope. $381.

Sarah:

Oh, that's cheap.

Mark:

I was like, I wonder what else I could put in there

Sarah:

and throw at the neighbors. Doughnuts.

Mark:

Doughnuts.

Sarah:

Bagels.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

The Anything

Mark:

Anything round the dog with the

Sarah:

laughter. Yeah. Then

Mark:

Oh, we could put bagels in that, and they would fit right

Sarah:

Okay. That doesn't make any sense if you don't see the hand motion you were just doing. Can you imagine the hand motion people are imagining when you went, shut up shut up. No. What's he doing

Mark:

with those bagels people? Wanna throw bagels in the backyard.

Sarah:

Well, she's dead Yes. With a big curvy knife in her chest and her little high heeled slippers off her feet.

Mark:

I love how Poirot in all of these episodes instantly switches. He instantly, no.

Sarah:

He goes from being jovial vacation Poirot to business Poirot.

Mark:

Case right away.

Sarah:

Yeah. Puts his nose right in there. Oh,

Mark:

yeah. Finds the beads.

Sarah:

Like sniffing the knife.

Mark:

And I'm gonna say he knew at that point in time that it was most likely colonel Cal Clapperton, and he started forming conclusions at that moment. Now in the story, it's like, oh, they find the body. It's colonel Clapperton. Yeah. Like, it's so fast in the story.

Sarah:

Well, his brain immediately says who could have done it, who had access. Yep. Right? Means motive opportunity. Yep.

Sarah:

And really the only person on the ship ship with a motive

Mark:

Was general Red Herring.

Sarah:

Is Clapperton because general Forbes kinda loves her. So he wouldn't have done it. Okay. So it's either a stranger

Mark:

I wanna talk

Sarah:

about this. It's her husband.

Mark:

I wanna talk about this.

Sarah:

What So Why the man who knew her when she was a little girl then had the hots for her? Yes.

Mark:

Yeah. He was a d c to her father.

Sarah:

That's a de camp.

Mark:

Yes. And then he says he was in love with her.

Sarah:

Yeah. Even though he's known her since she was 7.

Mark:

Yeah. Ew. Creepy. Creepy. Not as creepy or stupid as the doctor, though.

Mark:

She's dead.

Sarah:

See, he's not a doctor, though. That's Bates. Yeah. He's just like the purser or something. I'm impressed that he can narrow down her time of death to a window of 3 or 4 hours when only he has his guess.

Sarah:

He has first aid training. That's it.

Mark:

He totally guesses.

Sarah:

She was killed with a knife.

Mark:

Poirot needs to be more incredulous than that scene.

Sarah:

Did you recognize Bates though? No. He's played by Jack Chiswick.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

And he was in A Tale of 2 Hamlets. A Midsummer. Oh. Of course, Skinner was in a midsummer too. Yeah.

Sarah:

That's Colin Higgins. He was in painted in blood. Yes. Missus Tolliver was in a midsummer. She was in blue herrings.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Mister Tolliver was in a midsummer, death in disguise. Missus Henderson was in a midsummer, the black book. And colonel Clapperton was in bad tidings.

Mark:

Yes. He was in bad tidings. I know that. It's like Sandman, the new Netflix show. There's, like, a whole bunch of Midsummer.

Mark:

Midsummer

Sarah:

after that. Midsummer. Yeah. But, Sheila Allen who plays missus Clapperton, she of the knife in the chest Yeah. She was in children of the damned.

Mark:

Oh, she was? Yes. So okay. So children of the damned

Sarah:

That's the cuckoo movie. Right?

Mark:

Is the the so this movie is very interesting. It is the movie version of the midwich Cuckoos Mhmm.

Sarah:

By Somebody's screaming it right

Mark:

now. He also wrote Day of the Triffids. John Wyndham.

Sarah:

Nice. Good job.

Mark:

So John Wyndham wrote this book that it's about the village of the damned. It's hard to find. I've seen it on the big screen. I saw it at a film festival

Sarah:

It's great. Ottawa.

Mark:

It's fantastic. But the reason we wanted to see it was Kim Clark Chapman, who was a VJ on Much Music in Canada when it very, very early VJ when it started, plays 4 of the children in that movie.

Sarah:

Well, they are identical.

Mark:

2 girls.

Sarah:

He plays 2 girls and 2 boys? Is Clint Clark Clark Jackman a man or a woman?

Mark:

He's a man. Okay.

Sarah:

Well, they just put wigs on him. So

Mark:

Yeah. And, like, that so that movie is, like, the center of the universe almost. And it's a great book.

Sarah:

There are 2 people in it.

Mark:

Yeah. Well, yeah.

Sarah:

A VJ and missus Clapperton. I don't know about center of the universe. There's 2 people. I'll give it to you.

Mark:

It's a good movie. It's a good movie.

Sarah:

Yep. I I I don't know who she plays. Not one of the children. No. She's a little old for that.

Mark:

It's a really interesting plot. Essentially, what happens is an asteroid goes over her town and all the women everyone passes out and then all the women become pregnant.

Sarah:

Yeah. And they have identical babies who have psychic powers and are evil. Ish. Ish.

Mark:

Village of the damned remade with, Christopher Reeves in his last movie before his accident.

Sarah:

Hastings sees Skinner, creepy Skinner

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Sneak off the boat and follows him

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Even though his pants are in his armpits. I was, like, wow, Hastings looks really good in that that burgundy shirt. That's really jaunty. And then when you see him in the market, you realize he has on white pants that stop at his nipples. Yeah.

Sarah:

Hastings, your pants are really high. Did you notice the prostitutes the sex workers?

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Did you notice what they were wearing? No. They have plastic fruit on their heads. Plastic. One of them does at least.

Sarah:

Yeah. They're grapes on the side of her head. Fact. They're like, hey, big boy. Okay.

Sarah:

You want a grape?

Mark:

Skinner completely knows. Like, he steals these things from a dead woman. Yeah. Why is he trying to fence this material now?

Sarah:

Yeah. He could've kept it until their next stop. Kept it

Mark:

until their next stop.

Sarah:

Maybe he's afraid they that the police were gonna find it.

Mark:

Then he should've thrown it away.

Sarah:

You can't get money for something to throw away.

Mark:

He just takes an unbelievable

Sarah:

He could have hidden it on the boat. Yeah. He's clearly a dummy. Yeah. He's like, I knew I shouldn't have done it.

Sarah:

Like, well, now you're in an Egyptian jail. There's not many worse places you could be, dude.

Mark:

The Egyptian police have to be involved now. Why are you so upset about Skinner while he is selling the jewelry? Whose jewelry? The dead woman's jewelry. The dead woman's jewelry.

Sarah:

No. We said bed woman. She's a lady who likes to be in bed. Let's go. But Hastings is brave.

Sarah:

He's like, oh, no. You don't. Citizen's arrest arm wrestle Skinner.

Mark:

Meanwhile, Poirot calms the caring girls.

Sarah:

Oh, kitty. Whatever. Get over it, kitty.

Mark:

And then he goes and borrow something.

Sarah:

A life size wooden mannequin? Yes. No. In the short story, he does his little deal with a life size wooden mannequin.

Mark:

He does. He does.

Sarah:

Where in the hell does he find that? And how does he know how to use a mannequin?

Mark:

But in this, he uses a little lady.

Sarah:

Ismeni's dog.

Mark:

My favorite phrase, the little lady.

Sarah:

She's in a suit he's so theatrical. He's like, oh, it's a suitcase. Suitcases are so boring, but not this one.

Mark:

No. No.

Sarah:

Because she's a little lady.

Mark:

Because he loves to perform. He loves this.

Sarah:

He does. He's having fun.

Mark:

This is Poirot. And what I love is they completely think he is nuts.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah. I mean, even Claperton is like, oh, we're in for a show now. What's this? Well, he's obviously told He's told the captain.

Mark:

Told the captain. I bet you he's he's told Hastings. Yeah. Because if not, Hastings would be going, what are you doing, Poirot?

Sarah:

Oh, this is fun. He does this at home too. This is great. Wait till you see what he does with that doll. It's really cool.

Sarah:

The the fact that he, in the story, has this big mannequin just doesn't work for me. The doll works. The doll works. But Poirot is not big to begin with. No.

Sarah:

So he's got a big old mannequin with him, a big puppet.

Mark:

Well, more than just Hastings. He's like a big old mannequin most of the time.

Sarah:

Or if he went on to the into the market and found a ventriloquist dummy and bought it and brought it back, like, that's even weirder.

Mark:

Fez on it.

Sarah:

It'd be like a mechanical turk or something. Like, hello. I am a mannequin doll. I will speak. What I love

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Is that though the short story is very short, it's very descriptive about this particular scene, obviously.

Mark:

Obviously, the whole she thought of this scene

Sarah:

And then put a story behind

Mark:

it. A story around it.

Sarah:

In the short story, the when they describe the way he talks to the doll, and this is a quote. It's no longer foreign, meaning his voice. It had instead a confident English and slightly cockney inflection. This is not the doll speaking.

Mark:

This is Poirot.

Sarah:

Him speaking to the doll. Which because he's trying

Mark:

to be like a vaudevillian.

Sarah:

A showman. Yep. Which the more I thought about it I mean, Poirot doing a cockney accent.

Mark:

So you have the bad French on top of the cockney.

Sarah:

Oi, Dolly. Have a natter with me, will you? Do you know who iron girded the old bag and made of brown bread? Do you? I just can't imagine Poirot doing that.

Sarah:

No. How's the weather in the suitcase? Hey, Dolly? Little lady. Little lady.

Sarah:

Who gave the old hag the drum and fife, That's cockney rhyming slang for knife, by the way. Iron girder is murder and brown bread is dead. Yep. I know way too much cockney rhyming slang. Probably more than cockney people do who think it's old and lame now.

Sarah:

But me, I'm an American, so I think it's cool. In the short story, Poirot knows that Claperton has digitoxin in Yes. Which is heart medication.

Mark:

Why he doesn't use that to kill her?

Sarah:

So he does this whole mannequin thing because he knows it will give Clapperton a heart attack if he's guilty. He kills him.

Mark:

Kills Clapperton and his girly calls him out on it.

Sarah:

Yeah. So they keep the miss Henderson calling him out. Yes. They keep that in the TV version. Which they get rid of.

Mark:

Like, she's way overreacting.

Sarah:

It was very cruel of him to do that to him. Nah. No. He needed him to freak out. Yeah.

Sarah:

So they knew I mean, it was basically a confession. Right?

Mark:

And I don't approve a murder, yet you just did it.

Sarah:

In the short story.

Mark:

Yeah. In the short story.

Sarah:

But yeah. Clearly, Hastings and the captain and Bates know exactly what's going on because they're ready to, like, grab him.

Mark:

Yep. I

Sarah:

would have gone away with it if it wasn't for you, Poirot. You know, take him off.

Mark:

If it wasn't for Poirot and your little doll.

Sarah:

And your gray cells.

Mark:

He feels his slavery. No. She was horrific.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah.

Mark:

Now I'm not saying she should be murdered, but he could have gotten revenge on her in a myriad of ways.

Sarah:

He could have pushed her over the side. Let the sharks get her.

Mark:

Could have.

Sarah:

No no sharks. So there's 2 two things in this episode.

Mark:

Look at me with your dolls.

Sarah:

Oi, Dolly. Eat that lady.

Mark:

Oi, eat that lady.

Sarah:

There's 2 scenes in this episode that I don't understand. Okay. But I'm hoping that our viewers, our listeners will be able to help with.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

And I'm gonna give you some time stamps because they're very specific things.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

At 3810

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Hastings and Poirot are in the market, and they turned down an alley, and there's a rug seller there.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And as soon as they walk past him, he turns around and screams at their backs. Yes. And I don't know why.

Mark:

I don't understand that either.

Sarah:

I watched it several times. I don't know what they did. He's either screaming at their backs or screaming at a donkey. Nope. Either way.

Mark:

It's weird. Getting screamed.

Sarah:

Yeah. But weirder is another thing. It's at 40 minutes and 30 seconds.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

And there is a moonlit scene of the boat at the dock in the harbor, that I swear is illustrated.

Mark:

I saw that. It's weird. It looks The lighting or something.

Sarah:

It looks almost like it's made out of construction paper.

Mark:

Yeah. It looks very strange. It's really weird. I'm just pleased that after the lady died, they put up the festive lights on the boat.

Sarah:

Well, let's celebrate. The old hag is gone.

Mark:

Let let's have a night of entertainment.

Sarah:

My hospital.

Mark:

Poirot should have had her as the as the dummy.

Sarah:

Oh, gosh. No. What I imagined is what if Poirot did the denouement for all of his cases with a doll? You know, like, oh, no. Here comes the Belgian.

Sarah:

He has the doll. He knows who did it.

Mark:

Poirot, the ventriloquist and the private investigator.

Sarah:

Hello, darling. Who do you think did you declare?

Mark:

32 times no.

Sarah:

Well, monsieur Poirot, I think it was that guy.

Mark:

Or white slavers.

Sarah:

It was white slavers. Or, you know, if he forgets the doll at home, Hastings can always play the part. Exactly. Imagine Hastings Dressed sitting on for Poe's lap. Dressed as a doll with the ringlets and everything.

Sarah:

Matrimony. That's why we'll get married. I wouldn't get to sit in Poirot's lap anymore if I was married. Oh my gosh. Wow.

Sarah:

We don't have to do best corpse. There's only one and it's definitely the one who needs to be dead.

Mark:

Yes. With her beautiful shoes on in bed.

Sarah:

Her slippers. High elf slippers never made any sense to me. Anyway, after the credits Well is Kitty scarred for life or is she gonna get over it?

Mark:

Did they did they take him home and charge him? Like

Sarah:

No. I think the Egyptian police are gonna take him.

Mark:

Like, I hope so.

Sarah:

They're gonna say, he did it. He just confessed because he said, yes. That's all he says. Yes. That's a confession.

Sarah:

Yeah. So he's gonna be locked up with Skinner.

Mark:

I think he's getting the death penalty if it's in Egypt.

Sarah:

It is. And and that's one of the theories about why he did the whole thing with the heart attack is that that was better than the death penalty in

Mark:

Egypt. Okay.

Sarah:

That was more merciful to let him die of a heart attack.

Mark:

1st of all, everybody on this boat has an awesome story, and then he pulled out a dog.

Sarah:

Yeah. Nobody will believe him. Oh Poirot would never do that. With a dog?

Mark:

The little lady.

Sarah:

The little lady. She has a story to tell. Oh, but she is shy. It's so weird. You cannot look at her while she talks.

Sarah:

It's creepy. I

Mark:

wonder how old that kid is now. So this is 89.

Sarah:

She didn't act anymore. I know that.

Mark:

So 89, she's let's say she's 10.

Sarah:

Yeah. She's probably 10. Her name was Louisa Janes.

Mark:

So she would be 20, 30, almost 40 years old. My age. Yeah. Wow. And almost everybody else is probably dead.

Sarah:

Wow. Like all the old people. Happy.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

You're so cheery.

Mark:

Well, Suchet is not dead and none of the the principles are dead.

Sarah:

Do you want some horrible movies?

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Oh, boy. Do I have good news.

Mark:

Uh-oh.

Sarah:

This movie is terrible. I bet Mark's seen it.

Mark:

I'm scared here.

Sarah:

Speaking of eighties music, never gonna get it, never gonna get it. I think it's 90, isn't it?

Mark:

Yes. Eighty nine.

Sarah:

I have 2.

Mark:

Two horrible movies.

Sarah:

Yep.

Mark:

So for those of you who are new to the podcast, this is where Sarah finds bad movies in which these individuals are in.

Sarah:

Poor decisions the actors made earlier in their career and agreed to be in a film that they probably regret. But Mark has probably seen and enjoyed Yes. Because he likes that kind of movie.

Mark:

I do.

Sarah:

Are you ready? Yep. This first one is 1974.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

And, the man who plays the captain on the ship, his name is Ben Aras, the actor, is in this film.

Mark:

Okay. And

Sarah:

here is the description. In order to revive his long hibernating bride, Vampira, count Dracula takes blood samples from several beautiful models. But during the transfusion, Vampira's race turns from white to black. Okay. So Dracula accidentally turns his wife black.

Mark:

This is not a Hammer film. Who is who plays Dracula?

Sarah:

Why do I have to tell you that? Okay. If I'm gonna tell you that, you have to say you don't know what it is.

Mark:

I think this is called, like, ancient Dracula.

Sarah:

I'll give it to you because it's called old Dracula.

Mark:

Old Dracula.

Sarah:

Yes. It came out right after young Frankenstein. Yes. They said if you like young Frankenstein, you'll love old

Mark:

Dracula.

Sarah:

Yes. David Niven plays Dracula.

Mark:

Niven. That's right.

Sarah:

That's one for you. I'll give it to you. Ancient Dracula is pretty close to

Mark:

all the time. Saw that movie.

Sarah:

But you ain't never getting the second one. 1975, John Normington who plays Colonel Clapperton is in this movie.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

In a corporate controlled future, an ultra violent sport known as blank represents the world, and one of its most powerful athletes is out to defy those who won him out of the game.

Mark:

Okay. So this movie, I remember seeing the commercials for this movie and wanting to see it at the theater. I was a little young at 6 to see this movie.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

It stars James Caan

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

And it is entitled rollerball.

Sarah:

Oh, you got it.

Mark:

Yes. Indeed. I got that.

Sarah:

I am impressed.

Mark:

I've seen that maybe 10 times

Sarah:

since she Gotcha. Looks so stupid.

Mark:

Roller skating roller derby.

Sarah:

Roller derby for death. With death. It's like It's roller derby to survive.

Mark:

It's part of those seventies movies that Americans made where they took sports, put them in, post apocalyptic settings

Sarah:

Like running man.

Mark:

Like death race 2,000 and all that stuff.

Sarah:

Wow. I can't believe you know other movies too that are so bad.

Mark:

Roller ball. Frank Frazetta did the poster for that movie. It's got, like, a hand in front of James Conn's face. It's a painted poster.

Sarah:

Is this, like, right it's right around Tron too, isn't it?

Mark:

No. No. No. Tron's 80. Oh, okay.

Mark:

So yeah. I remember seeing Wow. 2 for 2, dude. The the ads on television for that and wanting to see it. It looked so cool.

Mark:

It looked edgy and sorta like like it wanted to be blade runner but it was not blade runner.

Sarah:

Oh gosh. No. Because it's on roller skates. It's on roller. It's like death Xanadu.

Mark:

I mean,

Sarah:

come on.

Mark:

Wow. 2nd Xanadu reference this week.

Sarah:

Well, RIP, Olivia Newton John.

Mark:

That's such a weird movie.

Sarah:

Good job.

Mark:

Yes. Yeah. Old Dracula I've seen rollerball. Rollerball.

Sarah:

Which is now just a kind of pen, by the My one of my favorite pens is a roller ball. Now I'm gonna look at him and go, James Conn, roller ball.

Mark:

It's it's I'm not gonna say it's a good movie.

Sarah:

But you still liked it.

Mark:

But I've I've watched it a couple

Sarah:

of weeks. Seen it 10 times, you liked it.

Mark:

It's far more about as the thing says, it's far more about corporate culture.

Sarah:

It's 1984 on roller skates. Right?

Mark:

No. Because it's not big government. It's big company.

Sarah:

Oh, okay. Okay. Big corporations.

Mark:

It's big corporations. And it's all, like, film there are parts of it filmed in New York in the seventies, so it looks apocalyptic. Yeah. But also futuristic. It has, like, a 2,001 vibe to it at some point.

Sarah:

Wow. You know way too much about that horrible movie.

Mark:

Yep. I do.

Sarah:

I do indeed. That is problem at

Mark:

c. Which is our last Poirot episode

Sarah:

From season 1 in this

Mark:

season 1.

Sarah:

In this group.

Mark:

In this group.

Sarah:

The next episode

Mark:

We're gonna do, which releases on the 5th September

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Will be our our reviews and We're gonna

Sarah:

we're gonna do the best and worst Poirot movie adaptation.

Mark:

So this is everything but Touche.

Sarah:

Right. Okay. That were released as as movies or TV movies.

Mark:

Yep. Everything

Sarah:

Who's the worst

Mark:

but Touche.

Sarah:

Who's the best?

Mark:

From the beginning to

Sarah:

We're gonna rank them. We're gonna ask you to rank them. Yeah. Compare. Tony Randall's the worst.

Sarah:

So how

Mark:

you rank them will get to Tony Randall.

Sarah:

Oh my gosh. He's the worst.

Mark:

Sweet Jesus will get to Tony Randall. He should not have ever been allowed to go to England after that movie.

Sarah:

No. They should have banned him.

Mark:

Anyway, we we lasted 5 minutes in that movie. I think we should probably watch a little more of it.

Sarah:

It's gonna be worse.

Mark:

Yeah. I know. I

Sarah:

know. Anyhow, we're gonna rank them.

Mark:

We're gonna rank them. And you couldn't contribute to this because we're gonna have your rankings too. And this is gonna go up probably when this episode is released. So you'll you'll have a week.

Sarah:

So you look on Instagram and Facebook for the polls. Where should they look?

Mark:

Oh, Facebook, Instagram, and the mailing list.

Sarah:

Okay. You

Mark:

join the mailing list, you'll get it sent right to your mailbox.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

Okay? If not look at Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.

Sarah:

But do participate in the poll and we'll compare the way you rank them to the way we rank them.

Mark:

Yes. Absolutely. So then after that September 12th, a week later we will be having Father Brown starts.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

This is the modern Father Brown.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Father Brown volume 2. Not the old timey in video father Brown. No. Which is great and weird and strange in its own way, but this is, the first episode

Sarah:

Season 1 episode 1.

Mark:

Which is hammer of god, which is a c k Chesterton story

Sarah:

Yep. And

Mark:

really sets the tone for the whole show. Yep. It does it very well.

Sarah:

That's where we're gonna start.

Mark:

That that'll be September 12th, and then we'll do 2 more episodes from father Brown. And then I think we'll do we might do the old father Brown talk about it because it's lovely

Sarah:

It's just different. But weird. Yes. So So be on the lookout for the poll and all that good stuff and an announcement about new swag.

Mark:

On Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all that good stuff. An email, follow us, like, subscribe. If you're listening on YouTube, like and subscribe and hit the bell. It's free. Because stay up with the current trends.

Sarah:

Is that what convinces people? It's free.

Mark:

And thank you again for listening. It's so nice to see that we've made this transition seamlessly into mystery maniacs.

Sarah:

Golly. Have a nada with me. It's Poirot.

Mark:

Bye, maniacs.

Sarah:

Bye, maniacs. Who's brown bread?

Mark:

Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word. Bye, maniacs. And your little dog 2 remix.

Mark:

Doll. Wiki wick wick. Your little doll 2.

Sarah:

Mhmm. Wicky wicky wicky.

Mark:

Let me do that again.

Sarah:

That's the remix.

Mark:

Yep.