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In 2018, archeology students from the Antiquities Institute at the University of Tehran excavating a cave system near Mt. Ararat in eastern Turkey uncovered 26 large ancient ceramic vases. Inside were reels of 5,000 year old audio tape—a clear and complete recording of Noah and his wife Naamah interviewing thousands of pairs of animals aboard the ark. In partnership with the Antiquities Institute at the University of Tehran, we have digitized a selection of those interviews and now present them publicly for the first time in this historic podcast.
If you are an archaeology enthusiast living in Washington who is amazed and enthralled by the discoveries revealed in this podcast, come be a part of ARC. We'll be recording an episode in front of a live audience at the DC Arts Center in Adams Morgan at 07:30 on Thursday, December 4. Visit Rails Comedy online for tickets. God will be there, so dress nice.
Speaker 2:In 2018, graduate students from the Antiquities Institute at the University of Tehran were excavating a cave system on the Black Sea coast of Eastern Turkey. There, they uncovered 26 large ancient ceramic vases. Scholars believe that sometime around 2,000 BC, a collective of Akkadian Empire priests placed the vases in the caves, which lie just 300 miles from Mount Ararat, described in the Bible as the resting place of Noah's Ark. Inside the vases, the archaeology students found reels of primitive audio tape. In 2024, after years of restoring the magnetic coating, researchers placed the delicate film in a playback recorder.
Speaker 2:What they heard was astounding. A clear and complete recording of Noah and his wife, Nayama, captured by their unemployed 24 year old son, Japheth, interviewing thousands of pairs of animals aboard the ark. In partnership with the Antiquities Institute at the University of Tehran, we have digitized a selection of those interviews and now present them publicly for the first time in this historic podcast.
Speaker 3:Didn't say my name so I don't think that's directed at me.
Speaker 4:You know, I'm just thinking. Uh-oh. I'm worried. Read my mind.
Speaker 3:You're worried about the to do list? Try again. Worried about my hygiene?
Speaker 4:No. Actually, you've been doing really good, babe.
Speaker 3:I thought so. Yeah. Okay. So that's not that. Yeah.
Speaker 3:JFit?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. 100%.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The only three things that I'm usually concerned
Speaker 4:about. It's like overwhelming me today. I'm really concerned.
Speaker 3:Because he hasn't given us a nair?
Speaker 4:No. I think he's stuck.
Speaker 3:You mean like developmentally?
Speaker 4:No. I think he's like, he's not engaging with addatonises very much. Oh, sex? Just in general.
Speaker 3:Oh, in general, he's
Speaker 4:not talking to sorry. Sorry. He's sad. I know
Speaker 3:but you've seen the boy. He got bullied by seahorses the other day when I took him snorkeling.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:We took the bamboo shoots down and I said, let's go look at some of the reefs while we're just drifting by.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And I thought that was very lovely. I love when you bond then with
Speaker 3:I saw a male seahorse. Right. I said, look at that Japheth. The male seahorse actually watches the kids. Oh.
Speaker 3:And the male seahorse said, your son doesn't look built for it.
Speaker 4:Noah.
Speaker 3:Do you hear that? Are you talking to just me or Noah. Yep. Shouldn't be twice. Hello.
Speaker 5:Thank you. Thank you. I'm getting lots of complaints from the animals.
Speaker 3:I don't I don't know where they're giving the complaints to you at. They come to me directly. The animals talk directly to you? They have a direct line?
Speaker 5:You know I have a direct line with everyone on this arc.
Speaker 3:I would never I I don't know that. I assume
Speaker 5:that It's a one way line but it is direct.
Speaker 3:Okay and what are the complaints this time? They they're bored. I don't know what they want me to do but I'm I'm trying to do it.
Speaker 5:Are you in charge, Noah?
Speaker 3:I yeah. I mean as much as you've given me
Speaker 5:to be Thank you. That was the that was the correct answer. They're bored, they need enrichment.
Speaker 3:I'd put a mall in the middle of
Speaker 5:the ark. I said enrichment, Noah. Are there classes?
Speaker 3:There's comedy classes. Who's teaching the comedy classes?
Speaker 6:That seems rhetorical for me.
Speaker 5:Thank you.
Speaker 3:Okay. You're smarter than me. You know everything. Give me one idea that I can actually handle and execute and will be actually fulfilling for these animals because I'll be honest with you. I think I'm sun poisoned.
Speaker 5:Excuse me?
Speaker 3:I walk around the top of this arc every day and I just think I'm getting sun poisoned.
Speaker 5:Sun poisoned?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I lose my mind.
Speaker 5:You want me to talk to the sun? You want me to change the sun for you?
Speaker 3:Is that a thing you can do?
Speaker 5:Are you questioning me again, Noah?
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, I'm not. I just don't know the extent of your powers. I just
Speaker 5:My powers are the beginning, they are the end. It's everywhere.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 5:It's all over.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 5:And these are the things you need to teach the animals.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, so I can teach them about you. I can talk about you then. Let's start there. Okay. I can talk about you.
Speaker 5:You know, sometimes I regret my choice. That hurts. I'm just being honest.
Speaker 3:I never really heard you say regret before.
Speaker 5:I mean, you were my second choice, but
Speaker 3:Woah, woah, woah, woah, Yes. Second. Like, I was like the only guy for like a thousand miles.
Speaker 5:2,000 miles away, I tried this with someone else.
Speaker 3:What? There was someone else this whole time and you didn't tell me? It's an experiment,
Speaker 5:you're the control.
Speaker 3:I'm the control?
Speaker 5:You're the control.
Speaker 3:The control is, hey, Noah, random person in your brain tells you to build an ark big enough to fit two of every animal. Oh, by the way, it's gonna rain for forty days, forty years, and forty nights.
Speaker 5:Somehow you got sun poisoned during that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got sun poisoned because I'm walking
Speaker 5:around a gigantic ship. It's these things that I thought, you know, you would be able to overcome as my control.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'll do enrichment. I'll be better. I don't know what that means really, but can I ask you a question?
Speaker 5:I gotta go. Noah.
Speaker 4:Oh, you're here. Okay.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 4:I brought Additonesis with me. Oh. Japheth is sick. Sick? It's from that, you know, that shrimp.
Speaker 4:Those shrimp scampi. Yeah. And who made it?
Speaker 3:Me. Yeah. Should've washed my hands. Okay. Atatanesis, hello.
Speaker 3:I this I'm I'm your father-in-law. I know. That's vibrant. Oh, yeah. Vibrant.
Speaker 5:Change my hair.
Speaker 4:I love it. Thank you. I love it.
Speaker 5:Thank you. I took your advice, you know? I thought Yeah. Bold. Right?
Speaker 5:Mhmm. Yeah. I'm trying to be like you, mom.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh. You don't have to be like me. We're just enhancing your already beautiful features.
Speaker 3:I don't wanna say this the wrong way, but I don't know how Jafeth has not impregnated this.
Speaker 4:This? Hey, Noah, sidebar. Can you just talk for a second? Yeah. I don't like it when you talk to them like that.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:I don't like that. Makes me jealous.
Speaker 3:I'm I'm
Speaker 4:That makes me jealous.
Speaker 3:Okay. Don't wanna make you jealous. I'm sorry. I'm just I don't know what's wrong with our son.
Speaker 4:Okay. I understand that.
Speaker 3:In bed with this every night. He's in bed with us every night, and he's just not producing.
Speaker 5:I mean, I'm trying like I'm so I'm doing my hair like this because I thought bold, you know what I mean? Like that would like turn him on, right? Anyways, so
Speaker 4:Wow, got off track there.
Speaker 3:Out of You're here to help with the old project, I guess?
Speaker 5:I am. I am. And I brought some friends with me.
Speaker 3:You brought friends with you? Oh. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Okay. Great. So they are
Speaker 3:jaguars. Jaguars. Yes. Okay.
Speaker 5:Mhmm. Jaguars. Jaguars. Mhmm. Yeah.
Speaker 5:They're super sexy. This is Xavier and Lola.
Speaker 3:Xavier and Lola. Okay. Thank you. Add a 10 to season. Xavier and Lola.
Speaker 7:Javier. Hello.
Speaker 6:It's a hard j.
Speaker 3:Okay. So one of you is wearing an all black outfit and the other one's got kinda spots on.
Speaker 7:I'm spotty. Yes.
Speaker 3:Do you want me to call you spot?
Speaker 7:No. Javier. Javier. Javier.
Speaker 3:Xavier. And your coat, I can see the spots in your coat but it's darker. That's fascinating.
Speaker 6:Both of you
Speaker 7:have like a Some would say very sexy.
Speaker 6:I I would I would say the sexiest. Sexiest of of of the spotted ones
Speaker 7:Oh, by far the sexiest of the spotted ones here.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Yeah. And and You
Speaker 7:know, we're the original.
Speaker 6:The original, exactly. Spots. And in a way, it I I think you might be over representing the spots on the ship if I do say so.
Speaker 3:I'm assuming you're saying spots to refer to the other spotted animals that are here.
Speaker 7:Oh yes, the other spotted animals.
Speaker 6:Yes. The Cheetahs and Leopards.
Speaker 7:The Leopards
Speaker 6:are a disaster. They're a disaster.
Speaker 7:A disaster. Wow.
Speaker 6:It's awful. I And we just we just wanted to be honest with you. We just wanted to come with our honest thoughts about how things are going on the on the on the boat or whatever you call it. Mhmm. That's just one solution, you know?
Speaker 3:What And what's that?
Speaker 7:Well, we eat them. Well, yeah. We should eat the other.
Speaker 6:We're starving.
Speaker 7:We're so
Speaker 6:hungry. We're absolutely starving. You know? And there's six different cats who look somewhat like a jaguar.
Speaker 7:They don't do. They do not look like us. They They're
Speaker 6:copycats. They're
Speaker 3:copycats. They are copycats. I just they do look kinda different than you. Like, the cheetahs, I've seen them. They're very slim.
Speaker 3:You guys are, like, working out. You guys look like you've been
Speaker 7:Thank you. That's very nice. You look good too, Noah. A little maybe tan? Maybe too much sun?
Speaker 3:I'm a little sun drunk.
Speaker 6:Yeah. That seem that seem like you've had a little too
Speaker 7:much You should get some time. Come down to a party. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You guys have parties, though.
Speaker 7:Do we have parties?
Speaker 6:We have we we host the parties. We host the parties. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I didn't know this. I was never I didn't even know that Jaguars had parties.
Speaker 7:Okay. Your son didn't tell you to come to the party? Which son? I don't know. You have too many sons.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Mean, I've got
Speaker 6:The skinny one. The skinny one? Yeah.
Speaker 4:Little That's bony Jay Fifth.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Jay Fifth has never told
Speaker 6:Are you telling
Speaker 7:me
Speaker 6:you
Speaker 7:have more you have more than one son?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I've got two others. We have two other sons. Are
Speaker 6:they skinny and bony like that?
Speaker 7:No. Or are they juicy and meaty and possibly tasty smoked?
Speaker 4:I don't feel comfortable answering that question actually.
Speaker 6:There are five human beings on a ship
Speaker 7:where weird because there's only two of us. Two
Speaker 3:Well, of other two sons have wives as well and they've got children so
Speaker 7:there's Six. Six. Eight. Seven. Eight.
Speaker 7:Eight.
Speaker 3:Upwards of 15. 15? Yeah. Wow. But they're not food.
Speaker 3:I've given you guys a lot of food. There's plenty of No. No. I've got a whole section that's just for you to run and hunt.
Speaker 6:Us. I I have to tell you. No. It it's you're just giving us this this meat that's that's ready to be eaten. I need something to pounce.
Speaker 7:She needs something to pounce on. Yeah. I wanna play with my food. Believe me, she likes to play with her food.
Speaker 3:I believe you. You guys are kinda drooling at the side of your mouth.
Speaker 6:We're starving Noah. So
Speaker 7:hungry Noah. Starving. Noah, is there like a fresh capybara, laguti, a peca? Anything. A small rodent you can get rid of.
Speaker 7:You know how many rodents you have on this boat?
Speaker 5:Yeah. I
Speaker 3:mean, I did. A lot of them are in the Amazon section. 1,500.
Speaker 7:1,500. I've done a survey.
Speaker 6:You've done the Yeah. We've been keeping track of all of all of the animals and including some of the ones that you may not have anymore. So just Yes. I we we also wanted to come to this.
Speaker 3:We'd like to know which ones are missing. I specifically would like to know which Okay. Ones are
Speaker 6:Some it's not a big deal.
Speaker 7:We haven't done a survey of the ones we've already removed.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 7:Only the ones that remain.
Speaker 6:Okay. There's a horse that had
Speaker 7:Oh, the horse. The the horse with the horn? With the shish kebab.
Speaker 6:Yeah. With the horn on
Speaker 3:the Not not the unicorn.
Speaker 4:The unicorn?
Speaker 6:Yes. The
Speaker 7:unicorn Is that what that was?
Speaker 6:Oh. They will not be making it to the new world.
Speaker 3:Of them is
Speaker 8:to say.
Speaker 6:That's true. That's true.
Speaker 7:And half of the other one.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Why would you halfway eat?
Speaker 6:The ass is the best part. It's delicious. Oh god.
Speaker 7:You have not lived until you have had ass of the unicorn.
Speaker 6:When you eat unicorn ass, it is just delectable. You lose yourself.
Speaker 7:You put it right on the stick from the head. Oh, You grill it softly, you know, with some spices.
Speaker 5:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 7:And then you just
Speaker 6:Interesting. Wow. Kind of inhale it.
Speaker 7:You should come join us.
Speaker 4:Oh. I would love to.
Speaker 7:We We're gonna have a barbecue with
Speaker 4:the eat the unicorns. We can't. They're special.
Speaker 6:Well, one of them's gone.
Speaker 7:So Mostly gone.
Speaker 3:I have a whole section of the arc that is like a free range of extras for you to hunt. Have you not been to that section? What? Yeah. There's a whole section where you can run and actually hunt.
Speaker 3:It's it's literally in the middle. It's part of the mall.
Speaker 6:Well, when I see a mall, I don't go. I'm not I I don't need anything.
Speaker 7:She doesn't shop.
Speaker 6:I don't Look at her coat.
Speaker 3:Don't believe with this coat.
Speaker 6:You should shop. Look at your robes.
Speaker 3:Well, this is well, this is I'm a man
Speaker 4:of I make that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. My wife, Nail.
Speaker 7:Did you put that bird poop on that? I
Speaker 3:mean No.
Speaker 4:Did not.
Speaker 3:No. That's from the the top deck, the seagulls.
Speaker 4:Know how it know
Speaker 7:how it is. I go up there to fish.
Speaker 3:You go to the top deck to fish? Yes. Walk me through that. What do
Speaker 7:you I go to the top deck to fish.
Speaker 3:Diving down off the ark? Yes. And then landing on a fish? Yes. Is that
Speaker 7:what I'm eating the fish and then I'm climbing back up your ark.
Speaker 9:You don't go underneath the ship and back up through the bowels? That'll be easier. Exercise.
Speaker 4:Know what? I told you I saw something
Speaker 7:So is there an expendable member?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Of my family? No. There is not.
Speaker 6:You've mentioned six to eight different humans and I we're
Speaker 3:just All of them off let's just say that all of them are off menu.
Speaker 6:Oh, I love off menu.
Speaker 3:No. No.
Speaker 6:Off menu
Speaker 7:is something like that. Special.
Speaker 6:Yes. Like a special.
Speaker 7:Oh, I could go for
Speaker 3:Oh, that's I'm saying that they're not on the menu for anyone to order.
Speaker 7:Let me tell you, Noah. The other big cats would go nuts for this special.
Speaker 3:I'm okay. A lot of the other big cats Do
Speaker 7:know Stuart?
Speaker 3:The lion? Yes. Yes. He would love a man. Stuart knows about the hunting space.
Speaker 3:He goes there when he wants his fancy meal for his family. He there.
Speaker 7:Not the same without the screaming.
Speaker 3:Okay. Well, either way, let's not eat people. You see anything walking on two legs with two appendages, you go, that's persona non Ida.
Speaker 7:Do you think I don't know what the person is?
Speaker 6:Yeah. We recognize you. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay. I didn't know. I didn't I don't know.
Speaker 7:We don't have to describe to us like we are We
Speaker 6:came to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You guys have like very strong jaw lines. Does anyone ever say that to you?
Speaker 7:All the time. You know who doesn't have strong jaw lines? The ear parts.
Speaker 6:Oh, the ear parts.
Speaker 7:Lines. The leopards.
Speaker 3:Can I ask you a question about the leopards? Because you guys seem to be interacting with the big cats a lot. Yeah. Why is it whenever I feed them, they then take their food to a higher spot? Ugh.
Speaker 3:What is that? Why won't they just eat down here with everyone else?
Speaker 7:They think they're so above everybody.
Speaker 3:Is that what it is?
Speaker 6:I don't want anyone to see them eating.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's like
Speaker 6:a Oh, I maintain this figure and I just don't eat or I don't do anything. Like, we know what you're doing, Kathleen.
Speaker 7:Oh, so they like to steal everything from everybody else. Like, they took our spots.
Speaker 6:They did and they took those dodo birds.
Speaker 7:They did take those dodo birds.
Speaker 6:Oh, wanted them so bad.
Speaker 3:That's what happened to the dodo That's another
Speaker 6:one that's not making it
Speaker 3:to the new world. Okay.
Speaker 7:Don't trust a leopard.
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 6:Do not trust a leopard. In fact, if you'd like, I'm just saying this could solve lots of problems. You let us hunt the leopards and the cheetahs and then we can combine units and we have more space in
Speaker 7:our world. You have such a head on your shoulder, Lola.
Speaker 3:Oh, I You guys can lease space in the mall.
Speaker 6:We can lease space? Yeah.
Speaker 3:Guys can If you want bigger You
Speaker 6:wanna charge You wanna put us in a little in a in a little apartment, a little box in a boat and then tell me to lease additional space in a mall that I don't need?
Speaker 7:Don't you think we're going to open a boutique?
Speaker 3:No. No. It's it's more space. It's it's part of the hunting grounds. If you go that you there's like sections I've I've
Speaker 7:Can we talk about space? Yeah. Just a little about space. We need space.
Speaker 3:I've given you a
Speaker 6:lot of space.
Speaker 7:We need space to run.
Speaker 3:I've given you a lot
Speaker 7:of space. The space to hunt.
Speaker 3:You guys literally have the length of of two Adam tree
Speaker 6:We do not. The entire ship has all of that. So we're sharing space. Oh. We're used to having a lot of space to ourselves.
Speaker 7:I'm like constantly hurdling little creatures I don't even know who they are.
Speaker 6:Absolutely. I'm used to just knocking them out of the way with a paw. Yeah. Quick slash to the face and
Speaker 3:they run away. Thank you for not doing that right now.
Speaker 6:There's so many rules.
Speaker 5:I don't
Speaker 3:know, this has given me so much to think about and I'm kinda parched.
Speaker 6:Well, we wanted to come with an eject.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, let let me go get some water real fast and I'll I'll I'll come. Do you guys want water?
Speaker 4:I would love some hun.
Speaker 3:Okay, let me go get some water Can
Speaker 7:you bring snacks?
Speaker 6:Yeah. Like a little blood in a bowl.
Speaker 7:There's so many rodents.
Speaker 3:I'll see what I can find by the water and then I'll come back, alright?
Speaker 10:You're tired. You're a little scared. Your fur is definitely wet. We get it. The flood has made things rocky for everyone, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be comfortable aboard Ark.
Speaker 10:After all, God chose you and your partner to save your species from extinction. That's why God has set up a direct line for all animals aboard Ark to reach her. Giraffes. Not happy with the banana and mayonnaise flavor of the acacia trees Noah planted for you? Just call +1 800 and let her know.
Speaker 10:If you're a dwarf mongoose and you're upset that Noah thought you were a cute stuffed toy for his granddaughter, Toyofastoribia Taktotak, call the 800 number and let God know. You have a purpose in this world, and it's definitely not to entertain Hey, birds and bees. Are you a little worried about Noah's understanding of basic biology? Call +1 800 and speak your mind. Maybe you're a dumb animal, a koala, or a Japanese land snail.
Speaker 10:Well, just because God made your brain tiny doesn't mean she shouldn't hear from you. If you're an idiot, get a friend to help you understand the concepts of anger, action, resolution, and satisfaction. Or just stay in your eucalyptus tree and keep being stupid. No complaint is too insignificant. Kevin the Scorpion recently used +1 800 to ask if God could mediate an ongoing dispute with Chappy St.
Speaker 10:Roy, the elephant seal, about who bought the last round of drinks at Shem's Comedy Asylum. Disclaimer. One eight hundred God gripe is a one way communication system. God is an all powerful, all knowing being and she has a lot of shit going on. Animals should in no way expect God to address or even listen to your non essential and frankly silly little problems.
Speaker 10:Kevin.
Speaker 3:Okay. Just water. You have your water. You're
Speaker 4:good. Do.
Speaker 3:Refreshed and
Speaker 7:Mhmm. That was a delicious Capybara. Thank you.
Speaker 3:Yes. So I went and found one of the extras in the mall and I brought it down here and I thought I literally said, hey, do you wanna come talk to two new friends of mine?
Speaker 7:Well, they did.
Speaker 6:Yeah, they did. They did. My god. Yeah. Oh, okay.
Speaker 6:Well, I'm satisfied. Satisfied
Speaker 5:for now.
Speaker 3:Are you guys finding outside of the space? I know the space is an issue but overall, how are you enjoying your trip so far on the arc?
Speaker 6:Oh, well, at first I love the time to relax but I have to say I was just saying to Javier the other day, I'm getting bored.
Speaker 7:Yeah. It's getting a little boring. Yeah.
Speaker 6:There's there's That's why we have to host these parties because there's just There's not there's not a lot of activities.
Speaker 3:I'm thinking about doing a trivia night.
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Trivia about God and just like the flood and stuff and the No.
Speaker 7:We're already bored.
Speaker 6:Yeah. Yeah. I'm bored listening to this idea. This a very
Speaker 7:boring idea. I thought this was
Speaker 3:a pretty good idea.
Speaker 7:Well, okay. Ask me a trivia question about God.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. Anyway, so smart.
Speaker 9:Welcome to the art trivia night. I
Speaker 4:love it.
Speaker 9:Alright. Thank you everyone for coming down to the mid level of the arc. I'm your host, Noah, and it is arc night trivia. The first question How
Speaker 6:long does this go?
Speaker 4:It's only it's only a few more seconds.
Speaker 6:Oh, okay. I was just gonna take a little nap.
Speaker 4:Okay. Noah, speed it up. Speed it up. Speed it up. Come on.
Speaker 7:It's still happening.
Speaker 9:Alright. Now, a word from our sponsors. Okay. Adam Trees, the only wood you'll ever need and beaver construction. If you need glands, we're your plans.
Speaker 9:Alright. Let's get to the So I do that.
Speaker 6:So you do the advertisement
Speaker 3:advertisement first just to
Speaker 6:get So there's time for a good good five minute now. Yeah. Yeah. Then I
Speaker 3:start then I start talking about, you know, things about God and like it'll be
Speaker 4:Okay, babe. Come on. Speed it up to the question.
Speaker 7:Into the question.
Speaker 4:Yeah. To the question.
Speaker 9:Yep. Oh, and that was Zebra Lawyers. Alright. The first question is, how old is God?
Speaker 3:And then it's like it's just like a best guess. You know, it's like because I know the answer because I speak to God, but like
Speaker 7:Do we buzz in?
Speaker 3:Yeah. You can buzz in. You can like raise your hand, slap paw, whatever.
Speaker 9:Yes. You with the fancy jacket.
Speaker 7:This is boring. It's good. It's good, honey.
Speaker 3:If you guys aren't gonna be interested in that, you don't have to do it.
Speaker 6:Look, I was thinking more of like more of like a like an open space
Speaker 7:Mhmm.
Speaker 6:Where everybody everybody comes comes and and we sit at the top. Right? And then if anybody has any sort of injuries, we just kind of clock it and then take them out.
Speaker 7:Oh, yes. It's much like our survey except it ends with us like doctors but maybe not helping. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like not
Speaker 3:helping. When you say
Speaker 7:We are relieving pain.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 7:We could call it a fun run because they run and we have
Speaker 3:fun run. That. That's
Speaker 4:good. Love your passion for this. I just I don't think this is what
Speaker 3:We have instructions from God to make sure every one at least one of each animal survives and so No. What? Two. Yeah. But at least one.
Speaker 4:What are you gonna do with one?
Speaker 3:Well, if it's a, you know, if it's a baby, we can start over again.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But
Speaker 7:Oh my god. What?
Speaker 4:Okay. Okay. Two of every animal. My husband
Speaker 3:is Two every animal. Okay. We need at least the two that walked on. I would love for those two to walk up. Now I know I've lost some.
Speaker 3:We've lost some.
Speaker 4:We've lost some.
Speaker 7:Mhmm. Okay. So if he didn't walk on, we can eat it.
Speaker 6:Oh, that opens up so many possums.
Speaker 3:Hold on. On. On. If it's part of the attendance list, don't eat it because that's the list I'm going by. So a lot of animals flew on, a lot of animals climbed on, a lot of animals jumped on.
Speaker 7:Feel like you are changing the rules.
Speaker 6:You're changing the rules.
Speaker 7:This is happening very quickly now.
Speaker 3:You guys are very good at spotting things. And so I just Well,
Speaker 7:you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yes. You are
Speaker 6:the best.
Speaker 3:K. Yeah. So I just don't wanna be held to Nemo, what do you think? That's not
Speaker 7:her name. Maybe we eat just one or two of the flying creatures. I think
Speaker 6:I think it's Naomi. Naomi. Naomi.
Speaker 7:You are one beautiful appetizer of a woman.
Speaker 4:I know. Thank you.
Speaker 7:And I would love to pick your bones.
Speaker 4:I know you would, but you're not going to.
Speaker 7:But I'm not going to. What Lola would do with your bones, I don't have to describe.
Speaker 6:Oh, you know. You know.
Speaker 4:I'm scared of you guys. Okay?
Speaker 3:Put the fur on the back of your necks down. I don't like how that's kind of gone up.
Speaker 6:Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez.
Speaker 4:It is I'd love to talk about something else.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I'm starting a big cat swim league. So A swim league.
Speaker 7:You're going to swim league. Are there are the leopards coming?
Speaker 3:Yeah. The leopards will be there.
Speaker 7:They are going to cheat. You know, it's funny because there's
Speaker 3:I would think they cheat us but Yeah. Would think they chill
Speaker 7:out first.
Speaker 3:They don't cheat.
Speaker 7:It's the leopards.
Speaker 6:Yeah. The leopards cheat.
Speaker 7:You know what they say about the leopard? Don't let a leopard buy you a drink.
Speaker 4:Oh, what happens? Why?
Speaker 7:What happened? They spike the drink.
Speaker 6:Yeah. It's not it's not like a setup for a joke. No. They a leopard No.
Speaker 7:Oh, it's not a joke.
Speaker 6:We could solve that in the new world. We could just remove them from the new world.
Speaker 7:We don't even have to remove them. We could just eat them.
Speaker 6:Well, that's what I'm saying. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. Remove them. That's a nice word.
Speaker 6:We could just we could just consume them. But what about
Speaker 7:just what about just a piece of Consolidate. Synergy.
Speaker 3:Oh. Well, I think this has been great. So thank you for coming. Wow. Okay.
Speaker 3:Before guests leave, I know Adotanisis is here today, but we usually ask for like a sound of what the animal sounds like just so we have a recording of it. So if you guys wanted to let us know what jaguars sound like. Jaguars. Jaguars.
Speaker 6:Jaguars. Jaguars.
Speaker 7:I'm sorry telekinesis couldn't stick around because she was a beautiful She
Speaker 3:was.
Speaker 7:Another fine smoky appetizer.
Speaker 6:That kinetic. Was that her name? Kinetic? Kinetic?
Speaker 4:Atatissis.
Speaker 6:Oh, alopecia.
Speaker 3:So if you guys wanna do the sound that Jaguars make, that would be great.
Speaker 7:But you should come to a party.
Speaker 3:Okay? I would I We will
Speaker 7:not eat you at our party. Am the one. Okay.
Speaker 6:The first one's free.
Speaker 7:First one's on us. Okay.
Speaker 3:Then then the next one is Okay. Thank you.
Speaker 8:Thank you to Matt Berman, who played Javier the jaguar, and to Jeff Wither G, who played Lola the jaguar. Matt performs with iMusical and the foreheads at Washington Improv Theater. Jeff performs at Washington Improv Theater with I musical, Knox, and the Broken Bones. Jamal Newman played Noah. Catch Jamal performing live comedy in DC with Washington Improv Theater.
Speaker 8:Bethany Stokes played Nyama. Bethany performs with Knox and the Hypothesis at Washington Improv Theater with indie team one eight hundred Fire Department and sketch team Bad Medicine. Krystal Ali played God and Adatanesis. Krystal is a performer and director whose work you can see at Washington Improv Theater. ARC was created, written, recorded, produced, and edited by Tim Townsend, cover art by Small C Studios.
Speaker 8:ARC is a production of solar driftwood media in partnership with the Antiquities Institute at the University of Tehran. Thank you for listening to ARC.
Speaker 1:Hi.