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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. What up, mentors?
Speaker 1:Hey. I'm here to talk to you about the Mentoring Leadership Summit, April 21 through the twenty fourth in Colorado Springs, Colorado. This summit is designed for mentoring leaders, people who might feel stretched thin, isolated, unsure of what to do with staff, volunteers, fundraising, all that stuff. We designed this summit for you. It's not just a conference, but it's a time for you to be surrounded with mentoring leaders, people who love Jesus, love mentoring.
Speaker 1:You step away from the daily grind. You get refreshed so that you can go back to your community, and you can pour out. More importantly, the whole event is created to help you build relationships with other mentoring leaders so that you can learn, you can figure out how to have a long term impact, and stay encouraged and equipped so you can mentor for the long haul. You'll experience deep connection with other mentoring leaders through shared meals, intentional conversations. We have a lot of downtime built into the schedule where you can just hang out with other mentoring people.
Speaker 1:We got breakout sessions led by experienced mentoring executives and ministry leaders, and they will equip you with best practices, new ideas, and things that you can take home to become a better mentoring leader. We've got worship and prayer. We got hikes up in the mountains of Colorado. Easy ones. Don't worry.
Speaker 1:They're easy. But we want you to leave reconnected with God, spiritually renewed, and connected to other people. Guys, it's really hard to do this mentoring thing alone. And at the summit, you will gain new friends. You'll gain support.
Speaker 1:You'll gain clarity and confidence as you get new ideas, and it's our goal for you to walk away with a renewed passion and energy to continue mentoring kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. So sign up today. Go to our website, youcanmentor.com, and check out the summit, April in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Bring your directors, program leaders, your staff members. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. Come to the summit. Guys, it's in Colorado. Come on. Come on now.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. Sign up today. Bring a friend. Tell your friends. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the You Can Mentor Podcast. This is Zach, and I'm with Derek. Derek, say hi.
Speaker 2:What up, good people? How y'all doing? How you doing? How you feeling?
Speaker 1:Guys, I want everyone to know that both Derek and I are wearing shades of orange today.
Speaker 2:And we have collars on, which makes us fancy.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So you should probably listen to us because we look good.
Speaker 2:We're official. We're official.
Speaker 1:And, like, we've both kinda got this, like, long hair going. I don't know if it's because we haven't had haircuts or if because it's a new new kinda year, new me type deal. But.
Speaker 2:No. In a week, I'm gonna be fresh, Shay. Like, it's all going off. And the reason I haven't done it is because I've, yeah, I've managed my schedule poorly this week, and so I haven't had an opportunity to chop it off, but it's gone. They're just gonna be bald in, like, two days.
Speaker 1:Like, bald
Speaker 2:bulb? Yeah. Like well, I don't go, like, razor bald, but, like Right. You know, no clip.
Speaker 1:So so when I met you, you had some dreadlocks. Is that correct?
Speaker 2:I did have some locks. They're pretty long too.
Speaker 1:They were real long. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like
Speaker 1:Tell me tell me the mindset between shaved head and dreadlocks.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The locks well, I'll I'll give you two different approaches. One is why I did it. The other is how I move. So my dad passed away, and he had really long hair, and I wanted to grow hair to honor him and kinda keep the tradition going.
Speaker 2:And and I began to find out some things about my dad from my siblings that I did not know. They're a bit older than me, and so they would share something, then I'd be like, what? And they was like, yeah, I was like, my daddy? And they're like, nope, that wasn't your daddy, that was our daddy, and I'm like, dang. And so, I cut my hair off, and I wanted to grow it back to honor my dad and a more full a fuller understanding of who he was.
Speaker 2:And so the second time I grew my hair out, it was also it was fairly long as well. And then I just recently cut it off again this past year. And so grew it out to honor my dad, cut it because I didn't have a full understanding of who he was. Now I think I'm just gonna just gonna hang out with little hair for a while. So very quickly as well, hair, Derek has to think a little bit more about what he does, like the water that I get into, the maintenance, the product that I have, the appointments.
Speaker 2:It's a bit more versus this type of Derek is a little bit more aerodynamic. He moves. His schedule is leaner. He's all about action. He doesn't think about his wardrobe a lot, like that type of guy.
Speaker 2:So other Derek has to think a little bit more. This Derek just on moves. Derek,
Speaker 1:if there's one word that I use to describe you often to my friends, it's aerodynamic.
Speaker 2:Listen. There could be a lot of other words that you use to describe Derrick. I'm glad. I'll take that one.
Speaker 1:You should see his hair. He's just cutting through wind, just like okay. We didn't hop on the pod to talk about your hair even though it is beautiful. Okay? We're talking about a fun topic today.
Speaker 1:We're talking about why people do not mentor. What are some of these excuses that we keep hearing about, oh, that sounds great. That's that's so awesome that you do that, but I could never I could never do that. So Yeah. Derek, tell me why this topic is has kinda caught your attention, caught your fancy, if you will, sir.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Jake with Stand in the Gap Ministries in Tulsa. He made a post about this recently and talked about just kind of some of those reasons that, you know, being too young and having enough time and all these different things.
Speaker 2:And I'm I'm reminded of an old sketch series called In Living Color. The Wayne brothers, they had a a skit comedy show in the nineties, and there was this lady on there, and her tagline was, I got you. You ain't go you ain't gotta go nowhere. And there was this guy who was played by Jimmy Fox, and he was dressed as a woman, and he would always catfish people into going on dates. And they would show up to the date, and they would be like, oh, no.
Speaker 2:And they'd see this person. It was Jamie Foxx in a dress. They'd see Jamie Foxx in a dress, and they would try to make all of these excuses of why they could not stay and why they had to leave. And for some reason, Jamie Foxx had this big bag and would always pull these things out of his bag. They'd like, I gotta get gas.
Speaker 2:And Jamie Foxx was like, you want premium unleaded? Like, I got you. You ain't gotta go nowhere. And they'd like, I'm hungry. And Jamie Fox will pull something out the bag.
Speaker 2:And this is how I feel. This is how I feel as a mentor, as someone who actively recruits, trains, helps to equip mentors. I feel like I have to be Jamie Foxx in this case, and and remove every obstacle and remove every barrier and remove every excuse as to why people cannot mentor. Everybody, the people that that throw out these excuses, they feel ill equipped, unprepared, like they don't have the toolbox. And so today, I wanna talk about why everybody can mentor.
Speaker 2:Let's remove all the excuses.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you can mentor.
Speaker 2:It's like an organization thought about this and actually named the organization after this concept today.
Speaker 1:It's like you should put on t shirts.
Speaker 2:You wear on a hoodie with short sleeves, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Sorry. Sorry. Okay. So for those of you guys who don't know, I sent Derek a hoodie and the quality was not good. I have to send him a new one, and I'm so insecure.
Speaker 1:Okay. So being serious, though, as mentoring professionals, whether you're an executive director or overseeing different kinds of volunteers, there is a level of seriousness in regard to mentoring. Like, you are building relationships with these kids that could transport them from generational curses to generational blessing, that could lift them out of their current situations, that could literally change their lives in the name of Jesus. Love God. Love others.
Speaker 1:Go therefore. Make disciples. You are making a disciple when you mentor in the name of Jesus. However, you have to say that in such a way that inspires them, that encourages them, that lights their fire. Like, hey.
Speaker 1:This could be your purpose. This could be your ministry. Yes. To invest into the life of a kid. And then you've gotta encourage them.
Speaker 1:Hey. You have what it takes. Here's what I see in you. I feel like our job as people who oversee mentors, we need to call out the best in them and remind them that they have something to offer. Yep.
Speaker 1:And then we cannot lower the bar of standard. We have to encourage them and say, can do it. And they're like, well, I don't have enough time. Let's just say that. Well, don't be like, that's okay.
Speaker 1:You can only see them once every six weeks. You can only see them once don't cater to their needs. Instead, call them up and help them come up with creative solutions to meet that high bar, that high standard of safety, of consistency, of what it truly means to mentor well. So it's part inspiring. It's part encouraging.
Speaker 1:It's part Yeah. It's a spark. It's part speaking what God has in regards to mentoring, and then it's part being creative and calling them up to that bar because it's a big deal. Because you can't just willy nilly mentor. Oh, I'm gonna show up whenever I have a second because we don't have a second, but we have to be consistent.
Speaker 1:We have to be intentional. We have to make this a top priority while still championing them that, hey. You can do this. You can mentor. So
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You know, and we talked about a while back, it's kind of this gauging people's mentoring history, ability, their desires. Oftentimes, you're able to catch this on a intake form for your mentors. You get to see what they've done in the past and how they want to engage with not only the organization, but with youth, what's their availability, their capacity, things like that. And I think that is where you figure out where the bar is.
Speaker 2:I know that some people have a very they have high availability, they have high capacity, and that bar that we we set for them may be a little bit different for someone else that has never mentored before. But what I love about what you said is not only do we want to gauge and assess where they are, but we wanna continue to call them up. Right? It's like and and up isn't always like like, I think people think about give more. What's the Kobe commercial?
Speaker 2:And it's Kanye and Kobe, and Kanye's asking Kobe, like, how do I become the greatest? And Kobe's like, do more. And he was like, more of what? He was like, more of everything. Like, and the answer was always more.
Speaker 2:And I think from that mindset, it makes sense why there are not a lot of Kobies in the world because not a lot of people are are willing to make that investment. But I think there are some folks that need to just be called into a different space. They need to be encouraged, that need to be that we need to speak life into those individuals. But we can't speak and we can't encourage and we can't call up if we don't know where they are. So for everybody that's out there that has mentoring organizations that are are trainers, recruiters, that intake is really, really important.
Speaker 2:That knowing who they are, what their mentoring history is, what their capacity, what their availability is, their bandwidth is so important because it allows us to equip them, to serve them, to either match them, to place them, not only for for them, for their success, but for the success of the program that keeps us well.
Speaker 1:That's good, dude. Alright, man. So I'm gonna give you some excuses. I've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight excuses. I don't know if we'll get to all of them, but I'll give you the excuse.
Speaker 1:You tell me the reality.
Speaker 2:Okay? Are you getting into character right now? Are you gonna be like are you gonna switch glasses? And are you gonna say
Speaker 1:I don't know, Derrick. Let's see here. I mean, maybe, but, I mean, no. I don't think I'm gonna do that because
Speaker 2:I I wanna see your acting skills, Garza. Let's see it, baby.
Speaker 3:Oh, hello, Derrick. I want to meet you. I
Speaker 4:am intrigued by this whole process of mentoring, but
Speaker 3:I have a question. I am I am afraid that I have run into quite a bit of an obstacle. Okay.
Speaker 1:Here we go. Excuse number one, I'm not godly enough. I'm not godly enough. Tell me what's up.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, I think that I'm reminded of a verse in Romans that talks about that people who have never met the Lord, that have never come across the gospel, that have never had an encounter with Jesus. It talks about the law being written on their hearts. And there are a lot of principles that I believe in, transfer from directly from the gospel, from the word of God into lies. It's very applicable.
Speaker 2:It's very practical. And I I think that people that embody those characteristics, are used by God every single day in so many different ways in business, as neighbors, in community, and even more so as mentors. There's another thing that happens, with mentors as well. Mentors oftentimes, they get into mentoring because they have something that they wanna give. They have some lived experience, some advice.
Speaker 2:They have some tools, some resources they wanna give. But what I find oftentimes is that those mentors, in an attempt and in a desire to give, they often get more than they ever give. And so, mister Englishman, I would say, if you don't believe that you're godly, I believe mentoring and hanging around with other mentors, you'll you'll begin to see God shine. And oftentimes, I believe specifically what will happen with you is that you'll actually learn. You'll learn how God moves in your life.
Speaker 2:And if you want to learn more about him, he's there. The Bible says, you seek and you shall find a knock and the door shall be opened. I think that if you find yourself around rubbing elbows with other people in this organization, not only will you find the way that God uses you, we can show you how he can use you more intentionally and on purpose.
Speaker 1:You know, I just love the fact that in the Bible, almost every person that God used in a major way had faults. Like, Abraham didn't believe until he did. You know? Yep. We've got Noah.
Speaker 1:We've got Moses who killed a man. We've got David. I mean, all of the 12. God loves to use people who are flawed. And Yeah.
Speaker 1:The question that I love to ask is, are you one step ahead of your mentee? And if the answer is yes, then you are qualified to mentor. God doesn't call the qualified most of the time. He qualifies the called.
Speaker 2:Come on. Don't do.
Speaker 1:That yeah. Right. And he who calls you is faithful. He will surely do it. So it's like, hey.
Speaker 1:This isn't about, am I godly enough? It is, are you willing to say yes to the journey of you and this kid learning how to become more like Jesus together? Because that's what mentoring does.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. And and, you know, as you're as you're saying that, well, two things stood out. By the way, we're not gonna get to all eight of these. I can tell already.
Speaker 2:But two things stood out. One is when you when you look at all the people that that got called, specifically those disciples, they all had, like, occupations. They all had lives. Like, they were very carnal and very human in the work that they were doing before they got called to this great work. That was number one.
Speaker 2:And and number two, I believe that there's this element of, like, of, like, if if you are willing to say what am I trying to say? If someone tells me that they are not godly, I want them to elaborate because they're they might actually share some things that we we don't want, you know, our mentees to engage. What's the famous quote? When somebody tells you who they are or shows you who they are, believe them. And so there's my default is to wanna encourage and be like, oh, no.
Speaker 2:God can use you. God will use you, and I think he will in every in every way possible. But I also wanna know what you mean when you say when you say, I'm not a godly person, it's like, oh, you know, I'm gonna hope with all things, believe with all things, but let me hear a little bit more about what what you think is a part of your personality that's not godly.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Right. Tell me what you mean. Yeah. I yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay. You're right. You should've meant for it. I I think it's always good. Wait.
Speaker 1:Wait. Wait.
Speaker 2:Where's, like, where's, like come let let me not partner you real quick. Like, come and hang out, you know, like, with the organization and volunteer for an event. Maybe you don't maybe you don't need a kid one on one just yet. Like, okay. Thank you for giving us that heads up.
Speaker 2:Sounds like you're working through some things. God is still moving in your life. We still want you to be part of community. And maybe that and maybe in that mentoring community, you can also be mentored by other mentors. Maybe there's some peer mentorship that's taking place.
Speaker 2:But yeah. Do you not yet. I see what you're saying. Thank you for the heads up. Let's let's bring you on in in a different capacity.
Speaker 1:So whenever I was running my not for profit up in Dallas, there was a guy who who was new to church. He'd been going to church for, like, two months. Mhmm. And I would always ask the question like, hey. You know, is there any, like, sin that we need to know about, you know, anything that would disqualify you.
Speaker 1:And most people who have been in church, you know, like, oh, no. Yeah. Or or like, yeah. I'm I work too much or I'm too self right? Like, they give those, like, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a fault, but really you're talking good about yourself type of deal. Mhmm. So this guy didn't know how to play church, and he was just like, ugh. Yeah, man. And he goes into, like, his thought life.
Speaker 1:He goes into, like, every sin that he has committed, and I'm just like, woah. Like, that is. That's a lot. Yeah. And so but I could tell that he really wanted this.
Speaker 1:Like, he Mhmm. Had a heart to invest into a kid. So what I said is I said, hey. Look, man. I don't think you're ready to mentor yet.
Speaker 1:Why don't you and I grab coffee every Thursday morning for the next six weeks, and let's talk about what it means to follow Jesus, what it means to Oh. Invest into the life of someone. Right? Well, man, that was probably 2015, and me and this guy met every Thursday morning at 05:30AM for the next five years. And I got to disciple him.
Speaker 1:I got to baptize him. He started to come to our church. And then after, you know, probably us meeting for six or nine months, he finally got a mentee, and he's still hanging out with them. So just like Thank you. I say all of that to say that, like, let's don't forget that we can mentor the mentors who mentor our kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And, like, it's all about making disciples. And you can make a disciple of a kid who's 12, or you can make a disciple of a man who's, you know, an adult. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. I'm always I'm always I'm cautious of organizations that that are mentoring organizations where there's no internal mentoring taking place. Right? It's like one of the one of the not the rules, but it's kind of a rule of thumb that I have with mentors is that you have to be mentored. Like, who is your mentor?
Speaker 2:If you're gonna come mentor, who's speaking into your who's pointing to your life? And so I'm always leery of organizations that are mentoring organizations. Are they prioritizing? Are it's a part of their programming? There's no internal mentoring taking place.
Speaker 2:I'm like, how are you how are you operating, and how are you moving? Another thing I think is is really important is, like, I always admire people that are I I don't really know if it's confidence or boldness or if it's, like, ignorance. Like, they don't they don't know to not say stuff. And so, like like, I'm it's so refreshing when you can get somebody that is that's what I'm saying. I don't know if it's ignorance, I don't know if it's, like, I don't care, or they don't know how to move, or they don't know to not say the things so that people don't look at you a certain way.
Speaker 2:Like, that's so refreshing to me. And whenever I facilitate mentor trainings, I talk about what sharing does. Like, sharing not only breaks the ice in the room, but it also gives other people the opportunity, the permission, or the chance to share as well. And so what happens is in a in a group, this guy says, man, I'm struggling with alcohol. I'm struggling with gambling, or I have poor money management, or pornography or, you know, like, all these things.
Speaker 2:Like, I I I do these things, and what's happening is while everybody has their church face going on, like, they're just looking. What's happening on the inside is that, like, rocks are being, like like, these arrows are, like, hitting these, and then it's, like, every time he says something, it was, like, like, internally. And that can give the opportunity for connections to take place, you know, in the same way that people will kinda come to the side and be like, hey, that resonated with me, and I'm glad you're sharing it. Here, let's grab coffee. Like, I would love for people to be bold enough to say those things.
Speaker 2:You know, hey, I was the chief sinner. I kicked in doors. You know, we stoned Christians. We hung them upside down. We dipped like like, he was like, I was the chief center.
Speaker 2:And I think that gives people room and space and encouragement and permission to also share, and that's, like, where that real connection takes place.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that there's a lesson there, and this will be the last thing I gotta say before we go on to the next ones. But Gotcha. Is yeah. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You might be the mentor expert, quote unquote, but, like, that doesn't mean that you still struggle because, clearly, you as the, quote unquote, boss or the mentoring leader, when you talk about, no. No. No. I still have a hard time doing this or that. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:That gives permission for people to do the same. You know? Vulnerability creates vulnerability. And if you're acting like you're the best mentor ever and you don't have any issues and every time then you get together with Johnny, you guys sing Kumbaya, and you guys fast and pray, well, like, that's people can't relate to that. But when you're like, hey.
Speaker 1:I was supposed to go meet with him, but I got in a fight with my wife, and I'm just not in a good place. But I still should have many ways, and it was kinda weird. I asked a question, and it was right? Like that, they're like, oh, okay. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So all of that week said that, like, there's no such thing as a perfect mentor, and don't be afraid
Speaker 2:to say that. Oh, good, Zach. Okay. We gotta keep moving. Let's keep moving.
Speaker 1:Okay. I am gonna kill three three birds with one stone. Okay? The next one is I'm not cool enough. I'm too different.
Speaker 1:We don't have anything in common. Just the whole, like, this kid's not gonna wanna listen to me. I'm some boring accountant who is white and likes, you know, and likes to listen to, you know, Weezer. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was trying to think of, a band that, like, kids wouldn't
Speaker 2:like Weezer. Like, no doubt. I
Speaker 1:just love Paul Simon. So
Speaker 2:In the car and listen to music, like, oh, listen to this one right here. This one's gonna he's like, who is this?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay. I this is what this is what I like to tell mentors that come in with, I'm not cool enough. We have nothing in common. I'm never gonna be relate. I'm two different.
Speaker 2:I normally tell them two things. One, I think that mentees, they love talking about themselves, the things that they have going on in their lives, and, you know, what they're going through and where they need help and all those different things. And so I think, you know, numb the the number one rule or encouragement that I have in mentorship is number one, just show up. Like, showing up is such a huge, big step. Like, show up.
Speaker 2:And number two, I think, is, like, ask questions and be curious about your mentee. And be curious in a in a very strategic way. You don't want it to sound like an interview or, you know, like a deposition. Like, you're just trying to, like, grill them. And you wanna be very strategic about what you ask and what you don't ask.
Speaker 2:You and I had this other side of conversation about what's sensitive to one person may not be sensitive to another. What's important to one kid may not be important to another. So I would just say, number one, when you show when you show up, like, make it about them. It'll circle back around to you every now and again because they'll wanna ask questions. If you have a kid that is self aware or sensitive or intuitive at all, they'll they'll be like, oh, what about you?
Speaker 2:But for the most part, as a mentor that feels like they're different, they have nothing in common, you know, they're not cool enough, I would make it all about the other person. And then number two, as we're asking questions and we're very curious about them, we have some own our own lived experience, and we've figured some things out, maybe not perfectly, but more than this kid has. And as that kid is talking, something that we figured out, an opportunity to pop up, like, it'll pop up, the opportunity to insert that advice or that answer or that perspective or that lived experience will present itself organically. We don't have to show up and be like, you know, I've done this, and this is what I've done, and this is why you should listen to me. I think if we're curious and we ask questions about them, then the opportunity for us to insert our perspective, the answer, advice, lived experience will organically present itself.
Speaker 2:And and I think this is why you find these obscure pairs that that are matching up, and they are standing the test of time because it wasn't forced. It's like, how is this 70 year old white guy and this 22 year old black kid? Like, how's he been able to, like, be in relationships so long? It's because they're both themselves, they're both curious, and there's something in each other that they found that they need, want, like, enjoy, prefer, gotta have, and those are the most sustainable relationships regardless of how cool you are or not, that regardless how different or the same you are, regardless of if you have anything in common or not.
Speaker 1:And I I just say it simple. Everyone likes to be loved. Mhmm. Everyone likes to be encouraged. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Everyone likes to be listened to. Yeah. Everyone likes attention. Everyone. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Can you do that? Can you show up? Can you love a kid? Can you give them your attention? Can you champion and encourage them?
Speaker 1:And if the answer is yes, then I mean, yeah, it might matter if, like, you like basketball and he likes basketball or if you like this music and you like this. But for the most part, a kid just wants to be loved. And, like, on the outside, they might make it look like they want something different, but they just wanna be loved. They just wanna be champion. They just wanna be told they're doing a good job.
Speaker 1:They have what it takes, that I'm for you. I'm in your corner, and I'm here for you. And just like that, that is so much more important than looking cool or having a cool car or having things in common. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. We went through I was down in Georgia doing a mentor training for a a college there, and I told you about our conversation cards that we have for mentors. Yes. It's just this deck of cards, you pull the card.
Speaker 2:It was really cool, man. And we talked about when you asked them a question, how do you take their answer? And as you are receiving their answer, you're thinking about all these other things, you know, that's ruminating in in the back of your mind that can connect to it, that will help you ask great follow-up questions or secondary questions. And I think those things help a lot when determining not only can I love a kid? Like, do I want to love a kid?
Speaker 2:Can I love a kid? Can I encourage them? But the second level to that is how do I love them, and how do I encourage them? And I think that comes with that connection, the curiosity, and that conversation. So it's a it's a gift that keeps on giving.
Speaker 2:It's a it's a relationship that continues to develop and unfold. It starts showing up and starting with loving people, and I think that's a really good suggestion on your end. You said it's so short. I'm, like, long witting you, hey. I say it like this, and I'm like, man, your training is supposed to be, like, fifteen minutes long.
Speaker 1:God. And my my wife and kids, you know, like, my kids are like, dad, how's it going? I'm like, you need to pick up your and they're like, I just wanted a hug. I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, no.
Speaker 1:Speaking of speaking of you being too intense with my kids, here's the next one. Okay? Okay. Okay. I didn't have a good father.
Speaker 1:What makes me qualified to be someone's mentor?
Speaker 2:Now you read a whole book. I mean, you your heart for mentorship came out of fatherhood. And I almost wanna default I wanna punt this one to you, but I'm gonna chime really quickly and then give it back to you. I have this story that one of my speaker friends uses. His name is Shamil, and he talks about these two these two sons that both grew up with an alcoholic father.
Speaker 2:And one kid said, I'll never drink because my dad was an alcoholic. The other kid said, I'm gonna drink just like my dad because he was an alcoholic. And so I think sometimes I'll even use my dad as as an example. My own father was on his fourth partner, his fourth wife when he passed, and he said, son, I can't tell you how to stay married, he said, but I can tell you what to do to get divorced. And so it's it's this idea of, like, I think that we all have this natural yearn and desire for something as it pertains to, like, male connection and having a father and somebody that you can look up to that has done it, that has done it well.
Speaker 2:But when we don't have that or we did not have that, we also know the hole in the gap that is not there. And so I think oftentimes when people say, I didn't have a a father. I don't know how to mentor because that's, you know, our number one mentorship. I think number one mentor is our father, our male person. Number two, I think it's Jesus and the Holy Spirit that does that mentoring as well.
Speaker 2:I say that oftentimes we can do things that we've never done because of our curiosity to not replicate the pattern. And so for men who've never had fathers, they feel like they can't mentor because they didn't have that example. I think we can mentor out of our experience, and we can also it can push us to learn and do things that we have not experienced because there's that hole there as well.
Speaker 1:And it kinda makes me think about you can become what you never had
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:As a father. And what the enemy meant for for evil, God Well,
Speaker 2:And earned
Speaker 1:just and so I just think that, like, you just because you didn't have a good father, that doesn't mean that you can't be a good father yourself. That doesn't mean that you can't become a good mentor. In fact, some of the best mentors I know their pain has become their passion. I mean, me. Right?
Speaker 1:Like, I mean, I'm for sure not saying that I'm one of best mentors, but, like, that is why I'm mentors because of my pain. Thanks, bro. Yeah. But now I will also say this. If someone comes from that, like, hey.
Speaker 1:I didn't have a good dad, and I I am trying to be the mentor that I wish I had for myself whenever I was a kid. Just know that, like, they are they are probably really insecure, and you are going to have to encourage them. Mhmm. You're also going to have to do this. You are not their savior.
Speaker 1:It is not up to you to transform this kid's life, so don't over index on the fact that this kid needs a mentor, this kid needs a yes. They do, but more than that, they need Jesus. And so Yeah. That's good, man. So yeah.
Speaker 1:So that is what I would say, but it just comes back to I think that you if you can do those things that we kinda talked about, and if you can show up consistently, like, God can use you. And it doesn't matter about your background, doesn't matter about where you come from, doesn't matter about your dad. God can use you to help this kid experience more of him. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. There's this there's I reading this this I don't know if it was an article or passage out of a book, but it was this it's just these two parents, first time parents. They didn't have parents. And I mean, they had parents, but they weren't connected.
Speaker 2:And so they said there's some there was something about having a kid that awoke it. Like, it woke up something in them, and they begin to innately just, like, like, do things. Like, when a kid is crying, they're like, what do we do? Like, we'll pick it up. You know?
Speaker 2:Like, just they they they talk about, like, these things that they would just try and do, and, you know, they're believers. It's a part of it. You know? They felt like the Lord just kinda gave them downloaded some wisdom to them, but they were like, my desire to be a parent made me try a bunch of stuff. And then they said, you know, what worked for their first kid didn't work for their everything didn't work for their second kid, and they had to try new things.
Speaker 2:But their desire to be good parents, it caused the activity and the action and the attempt and the curiosity. And so I think there's something to be said with mentors as well. It's like, hey, man. You know, if I try to go down the line and prepare you for every single scenario that I've ever come across with every single kid and tell you to do this exact same thing, what's gonna happen is you're gonna go to that kid and instead of being intuitive, you're just gonna try to do what I told you to do, and that all the time doesn't doesn't work. And so, you know, having open heart, open hands, being willing to listen and adjust, and then hold on your own lived experience and the experience of others, I think will help you be the most effective and impactful mentor that that you can be.
Speaker 1:Good, Derrick. Love it, man. Alright. We got time for one more. Quick.
Speaker 2:Okay. Let's go. Quick. I know I said quick, and then I wasn't quick. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:That's okay. No. No. No. Derrick, I love your words, man.
Speaker 1:You're don't don't ever apologize for spouting wisdom, my man. Okay? Okay. My kids are the only ones I mentor. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:My kids are the the only one I mentor.
Speaker 2:Yeah. There's some pretty popular research out there, easy to find. I I guess I must say that I should probably provide some context. But everybody knows the more caring adults a kid has in their life, that that it just it just shoots up. I know that having a parent is invaluable, especially if a loving, caring, present parent is wonderful.
Speaker 2:And a kid could go years and that parent could do some really, really cool things with that kid. But what I found over and over and over again is that when you throw in an aunt, an uncle, a teacher, family friend, neighbor, coach, Like, when you throw in these other caring adults that surround this kid and provide different perspectives that that refoundationalizes that that supports these core values, and that kid that kid when he when that kid could turn left, right, look up, down, and no matter where the kid turns, there's a caring adult that's keeping him on that path, and, you know, that is super important. And so what I would tell that person, I'm the only that person is like, I am the only my kids are the only kids that I mentor. They because they're saying two things. One, my kid is the only kid that I'm mentoring, and I'm not letting anyone else mentor my kid, I would I would tell that person, like, hey.
Speaker 2:Like, we we gotta get some other caring adults in the kid's life. And you could do a great job, and I'm glad that you are active and present. But if you add one, watch the impact. If you add two, watch the impact. It's x 10 x times when you add other adults.
Speaker 2:And so it's very important to get other caring adults with different perspectives, but they recenter those core values in the lives of our kids, all the other kids. And I think that is what takes a kid from, you know, going from one level to the next to jumping 10 steps is having those folks in their lives.
Speaker 1:Man, I would just say this. I would say, hey. Look. This isn't a me and a mentee thing. This is a mentee and his family and you and your family.
Speaker 1:So Well, I'd I would say, hey. Especially when it comes to safety, it's always good to have multiple people there. So anytime you hang out with this kid, you can bring your kids too. And it will give your mentee a friend. It'll make it more kinda comfortable.
Speaker 1:Your kid gets to watch you invest into others, so you're setting an example of what you want them also to do. Yeah. It it is just it is just better. Like, I would say, hey. You can invite your kids into this mentoring relationship, and that would 10 x the mentoring experience for everyone.
Speaker 1:And so, it's a family thing, and I would just cast that kind of thing. So
Speaker 2:You know, the the sometimes when it's that one on one as well, it could feel intimidating. It can feel intense, the pressure to keep the conversation going. And so adding adding other people, like bringing your kids with you to mentor and even accompanying your kids to mentorship opportunities, I think that's really cool. Like, I think it it spreads the pressure out. You know?
Speaker 2:I think it provides some context. It it it adds more ingredients to the pot, and so it enriches it a little bit. That's that's wisdom, brother. I love that.
Speaker 1:Alright. Well, those are some of the reasons why people don't mentor, and Derek and I just debunked those. So if you're mentor to the surface.
Speaker 2:It's just That's right. There's so many of the okay. Go ahead. Sorry.
Speaker 1:Kinda like our haircuts that we're about to get. Because I've I also have a haircut today at 11:30. I am actually gonna try with this new fade. It's called a drop fade. I don't I don't know if you heard about that.
Speaker 1:So Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. But, okay. So I hope that you got something from that.
Speaker 1:Mentors, if you oversee mentors, I hope that you're encouraged. Champion them. Call them up. Inspire them, but do not lower the standard and just know that you can mentor. Like, anyone can mentor.
Speaker 1:Are you one step ahead of this kid? Do you feel called? Can you consistently show up, give love, give attention? I promise you that he he who calls is faithful. God can use you.
Speaker 1:God will use you, but we have to say yes. So remember, you can mentor, and we love you. That's all we got. See you. Derrick with the hearts with his hands.
Speaker 1:I love that. Oh, see you. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor Podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings.
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