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What do you do when the bottom drops out and life breaks in ways you never imagined? Charlie and Jill LeBlanc have walked that road, and through their personal story of loss, they’ve discovered the sustaining power of God's presence. In this podcast, they offer heartfelt conversations, Scripture-based encouragement, and the kind of hope that only comes from experience. Whether you're grieving, struggling, or searching for peace in the middle of chaos, this space is for you.
Welcome to another episode of the Finding Hope podcast, Getting Through What You Never Asked For. And, you know, the title of the subtitle of our book, When Loss Comes Close to Home, says, finding hope to carry on when death turns your world upside down.
Charlie LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc:So this is the primary purpose of this podcast, but not only the death of a loved one, but it could be the death of a dream. It could be the death of a career or a relationship or something that has turned your life upside down. We want to help you find hope that you can carry on with the Lord.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Praise the Lord. I'm thinking about I'd never put this together, but the song I wrote, You Never Leave Me, one of the lines in the chorus is, When my world turns upside down, your peace can still be found.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah, that's powerful.
Charlie LeBlanc:So it is reality that when you have a loss of this magnitude, and like Jill said, it can be lots of different things, not just death of a loved one, but nonetheless, your world does seem like it turns upside down for a while. I mean, you're just like, I can't get my bearings here. I don't know what to do. My heart is barely beating. I'm barely able to take a breath.
Charlie LeBlanc:It's that tough, and people don't understand how tough it really is. I know if you're on this listening and you've been through it, I know that you understand. But if you are listening and you don't understand, just listen back to all these podcasts because you'll learn a lot about, we just did a series on understanding grief, and this series is called being a first responder.
Jill LeBlanc:Being a good first responder.
Charlie LeBlanc:I have missed that good word a lot of times.
Jill LeBlanc:Key word, good, because a lot of people can respond, but you need to be a good first responder. We all do.
Charlie LeBlanc:Amen. I love that scripture. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, oh God. So the words of your mouth, you say in these given situations, how you respond, what your heart is in responding, and those are very, very important things, but we should respond when we see friends and people that we know in tragedy. It's so it's so important that we do something.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, sometimes it's a very awkward situation. You don't know what to say. You don't know what to do. That's why we put a lot of effort into the book to talk about those things. But also, we're trying to break it down simply in here, do something lest you do nothing.
Charlie LeBlanc:What is, our good friend Pat Bradley, who runs Crisis Aid International, whom we love so much and support him, he has a saying, what does it say, Refuse to do nothing.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes.
Charlie LeBlanc:Ah, I like that.
Jill LeBlanc:That's powerful.
Charlie LeBlanc:Refuse to do nothing. He ministers to in Ethiopia and all around the world, but, I mean, feeding starving children, building hospitals, orphanages,
Jill LeBlanc:Sharing the Gospel.
Charlie LeBlanc:homes for girls, sharing the gospel, home for prostitutes, teaching them a skill. It's just a phenomenal ministry, but it's kind of like refuse to do nothing is his theme, and I just love that because that's a good thought for us in being a good first responder or a first good responder. No. A good first responder. But, yeah, refuse to do nothing.
Charlie LeBlanc:When things when God puts something on your heart, you know a friend's been through a tragedy, you don't know what to do. Do something, anything. A card, a letter, a check-in the mail, a text, a phone call, a meal, send a meal to them. We've done that before. You know, send them anything.
Charlie LeBlanc:It just it blesses the bereaved so much to know that people care enough to do something. If you care enough to do something, it's it's huge.
Jill LeBlanc:It is huge.
Charlie LeBlanc:And maybe you can't make the funeral. Maybe you can't go to their house. And maybe it's not appropriate to go to their house because, you know, you may not know them that well and it's friends and family there, but do something.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. And on the flip side of that, maybe you should go.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:We we knew people that after our son passed away, there are people that traveled across the state just to come and be with us. There are people that traveled from other countries
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:To come and be with us.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:And we didn't expect that. My goodness. They they just showed up. And, man, were we ministered to just by their love, just by them being there. And, of course, a lot of family flew in to be with us, and that was wonderful too.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes. Yes. It was.
Jill LeBlanc:But others that we didn't expect to come in, they came, and their presence meant so much. So your presence could mean the world to the person that that you're that's walking through that time. So just be led by the spirit. The Lord knows. He he he has a lot of grace for all kinds of situations.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:He'll give you grace there.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Love that scripture. It says the Holy Ghost will give you words to say when you need it, you know? And again, we've talked so much in these episodes about, you you may not need to say anything, just your presence there. In fact, we were just at this funeral last weekend.
Charlie LeBlanc:We didn't speak in the funeral, we didn't sing in the funeral, we just visited with friends and loved on them. Then the associate pastor whom we know and love so much, at the very end at the graveside service, just as we were leaving for the weekend, after flying and everything, I was able to catch eyes with him and we visited, we hugged, and he really appreciated us being there. And so, you know, even if you're not noticed, God notices.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:And and I think in general, people see a crowd of people and they just are so blessed by all those who attended.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, it just means so much to them that they, you know, like, their family was there. Their their father was almost 90 years old, but they were so blessed by all the people that were in that church supporting their dad that they loved and miss are missing so much. You know, it doesn't matter how old they are, you miss them. And I know for us, we had a little bit different experience because, Beau, when you lose a child, it's so for us, I mean, quote, for us, for me, it was so much harder than losing my dad. I lost my dad three months after I lost both, so there I was, my son, my only son, and my father, my only father, both of them leaving me within three months, and that was really an interesting feeling, but the point I'm trying to make here is the pain of the loss of my son at 23 years old compared to the pain of the loss of my father who was 87 years old, there was no comparison.
Charlie LeBlanc:I loved my dad. He was amazing, a man of God at the end of his life, a real inspiration to me. To this day, he inspires me. But at his funeral, I was like, he lived a good life. He's 87 years old.
Charlie LeBlanc:Maybe that's young to some people, and yes, it is, but I knew he was ready to go. And, you know, I was fine with that. But I was three weeks away with three weeks and three months, three months away from losing my son, which ripped me to pieces. And while my other siblings were there weeping and missing and crying over dad's loss, I was sitting there stone faced, just thinking that dad had a good life, you know. But then, you know, I did weep a couple of times at the at the graveside of the interment, or whatever you call it So but nonetheless, you know, we need to realize that there are differences.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:And we talked about that in the last episode, and we also need to be very sensitive to those differences. There are things we were talking about at the end of the last program about inappropriate things to say, and because there are these differences. One of the things that people would say to us is, Oh, would want you to be happy. Oh, Beau would want you to carry on with your life.
Charlie LeBlanc:Beau would want you to be strong for your family. Again, these are all true things, but those were not the right words for us at that moment. Maybe if we'd have been pulled along to the side and I turned to my friend and I said, I just don't know what to do. You know, I don't know what I don't know how I'm going to make it through this. Then I'm inviting them.
Charlie LeBlanc:I'm inviting them to minister to me. I'm inviting them to speak a word, a private word to me to encourage me. But just walking to someone up in the funeral and say, Oh, Beau, you know, Beau would want you to be happy. Beau would want you to move on. Beau would want you to keep
Jill LeBlanc:He's not suffering anymore.
Charlie LeBlanc:And trust me, we know that's true. I mean, to this day, I mean, even writing this book, I know Beau was like, Go for it, dad. I was playing the piano the other day and there's a picture of him up there and I was worshiping the Lord and I saw his picture smiling at me and I knew he was saying, Dad, keep worshiping Jesus. It's beautiful. So we know that, we have the cloud of witnesses up there encouraging us to go But for it's not appropriate to say everything you know at the moment of the funeral, at a situation like that, you must be sensitive to those situations.
Charlie LeBlanc:Amen. So here's another terrible one, and we'll talk about this a little bit, someone could say, Oh, I know just how you feel. My dog was like a child to me and he died last week. Well, I kind of get that. We had a dog for like fifteen, sixteen years and we had put him down when we were 14?
Jill LeBlanc:Fourteen.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Was one of our best friends. Mean, was We loved him, you know? We had to put him down because his hips went out and he was dying in front of us.
Charlie LeBlanc:And I know we have some dear friends that they didn't have any children.
Jill LeBlanc:They weren't able to have children.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. And they had these dogs. And I mean, those dogs were their family. And when they lost their dogs, they wept. And we sent condolences because we understood how painful it was that they lost their best friends in that situation.
Charlie LeBlanc:They're children, in a sense. But they are mature believers. They never would say that to us. They would never say, Oh, I know, Charlie, you know, I know how you feel because I lost my dog. It's just not appropriate, you know?
Charlie LeBlanc:And and here's another one. My 90 year old dad just passed 99 year old dad just passed away. Like you, I've also been in deep mourning. Again, not to dismiss the love that people have for their moms and dad, regardless of what age. And yes, you know, we just came from a memorial service where the pastor was almost in his ninetieth year, and his children and grandchildren were mourning.
Charlie LeBlanc:They were grieving, and we grieved with them. There's no question that you'd agree with them. But again, it's not the same as the funeral we were at the week before where a 72 year old wife of a fantastic worship leader, she battled cancer for two years and died. Is not the same situation. Not saying that in their hearts the pain is the same, it could be, but nonetheless, it's not appropriate when someone loses a child or a wife at a younger age to go in and say, My 90 year old dad died.
Charlie LeBlanc:I know how you feel. Look, as we said in the last time, we know what it feels to lose a child, but even with that, we don't go up to people and put our arm around them and say, We lost our son too, we know what it feels like. We don't quickly say that kind of a thing. If they 90% of the time, we hug them and love them and say, We're so sorry. Our hearts are with you.
Charlie LeBlanc:And then they look at us in the eyes and they say, You of all people, Charlie and Jill, you understand this. And that's the beauty of it. Let them discover these things. You know, I knew that Beau was in heaven, but that wasn't what was helping me at the moment. I needed to discover that help on my own, not to discover that he was in heaven.
Charlie LeBlanc:I knew he was in heaven from the start, but that wasn't what I needed at the moment. So you need to let people discover things on their own. Let the Lord speak to them back to, let you do the love and let God do the fixing. You need to let them find these important revelations in the room.
Jill LeBlanc:And that right there, that revelation the Lord gave you about you do the loving, I'll do the fixing. That's all about being a good first responder.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes it is.
Jill LeBlanc:It's right along that same line.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yep. Yep.
Jill LeBlanc:Because they need our love more than anything else, and God will will fix their hearts.
Charlie LeBlanc:That's right.
Jill LeBlanc:It takes time. Oh my gosh. It takes so much time.
Charlie LeBlanc:It does. And you know, you mentioned just a few minutes ago about all the family and friends that came over and people that flew from out of town and people that flew internationally to both funeral. But and they all came over to our house, and I remember a moment when we got a phone call from someone, and they said, Is it okay if I come over? You know, they were just curious. What's going on at the house? You know? Is it okay? And I came to you, and I said, Jill, I said, Is it okay if they come? And what did you say?
Jill LeBlanc:I said, absolutely, because I need Jesus with skin on.
Charlie LeBlanc:Jesus with skin on. Yep. Right.
Jill LeBlanc:And we we heard a story, years ago from Andrew Wommack sharing, about a little boy who was in bed at night and there's a thunderstorm going on. And he kept calling across the hall to his mom because he was scared and she she kept saying, you're fine. Jesus is with you, everything is fine. And that went back and forth several times. And then one time he shows up at her bedside and he said, But mommy, I need Jesus with skin on.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:And and that's who we are. We are Jesus with skin on when we show up and just let his love be be speak through us, know, hug through us.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:Just being there.
Charlie LeBlanc:Wow.
Jill LeBlanc:And it's huge.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, yeah. It's huge. And you know, and another thing, this is, we're just kinda scattering around here, just as review, you know, this is our fifth session on being a good first responder, I said it right. And, you know, we emphasize how grief is real and ongoing, and and to not minimize it, and that's that's the most important thing. Don't minimize grief in your friend's lives when they lose a loved one, and respect it, and honor it, and care about it.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, don't try to fix them like we've been saying. Care, be a good supporter, you know, and we're gonna talk a little more about that in just a minute. And we talked so much about your presence mattering, you know, being, show up, you know, be there for them, and it's more than having the perfect words, just being there means so much. And I think I've told this story many times before, but we went to a good friend of ours lost his son, and we went there and we tried to minister to him, and I didn't have the right words, I stumbled all over the place, and I didn't say anything and we were leaving that night and we said bye, hugs, and I'm thinking in my head, I'm thinking, I was awful, I didn't have anything to say, I've lost my son, I should have had more things to minister to him and texted me and he said, Charlie, thank you so much for coming. It meant the world for you and for to us that you and Joe would stop by like this.
Charlie LeBlanc:And then he said, and thank you so much for listening. So all I did was to sit there and listen to him all night. And I thought, well, I'm useless, know, I wasn't doing anything. No, was, that was what he needed. He needed a good listener, and we have a section in our book about being a good listener.
Charlie LeBlanc:And then, of course, listen and support being led by the Holy Spirit. That's just a little review of the things we've touched on in all of these broadcasts, but like you just said, Jesus with skin on, that is probably one of the most important things along with a phrase that we've heard and we have a little part in our book about being a safe friend. Oh, that says so much. We said that at a church last year in England and they said, what does mean what does it mean to be a safe friend? Because we just we just let it slip out of our mouth sometimes.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. And, you know, we we have people we love and that we call friends, and they are friends. But if they haven't been through something like this, they may not be the best person for you to just bear your whole soul to, especially if you're just lamenting and grieving and, you know, they because number one, they're not gonna know what to do and it's gonna be awkward and because they don't really understand. And they may be a very close friend, but they may not they may not have any experience in this area. And sometimes it just gets really awkward.
Jill LeBlanc:So we we have didn't coin this, but we've you know, we totally
Charlie LeBlanc:Embrace it.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes. Have embraced this thought about you need to make sure that the people you pour your heart out to are safe friends. And those are the ones that that you can just be yourself with, that you can cry with, that you can really be honest with and share your thoughts with. And on the flip side of it, if you're the one walking beside the person that has experienced loss, you need to become a safe friend.
Jill LeBlanc:We have to be safe friends. We have to learn how to be Jesus' hands, Jesus' mouthpiece, his peace, his safe place for these these grieving friends of ours so that they can be ministered to through us and not damaged.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:From us, from something we might try to say say to try to help heal them, whatever.
Charlie LeBlanc:Amen. You know, Jesus was a safe friend.
Jill LeBlanc:Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know? I mean, people were not afraid. Republicans and sinners gathered around in
Charlie LeBlanc:Republicans? No. I'm kidding.
Charlie LeBlanc:Sorry. You know, he was a friend of everyone and no one was afraid to be with him. He welcomed them and he was a safe friend. People could pour out their heart to him. You know, you've mentioned in the article that you're putting out this month, you know, how the woman with the issue of blood, she broke through the crowd. A woman wasn't with she was unclean. She shouldn't have been around there. But Jesus didn't rebuke her. So you're unclean. No, she touched him of his garment, she was healed.
Charlie LeBlanc:The woman at the well, to draw water, and she had five husbands. You know, Jesus, the disciples, says, What are you doing with the Samaritan woman here at the well? You know, they were like freaking out. But he was a friend. He was a safe friend.
Charlie LeBlanc:She she didn't realize it, but he was a safe friend that she could bear her life to. And of course, he didn't have to bear her history to her. Jesus had a word of knowledge and knew. But nonetheless, even knowing it, he loved her. And the woman that wept his feet with her tears, he loved her.
Charlie LeBlanc:And so Jesus was like that, and we need to be like that. We need to allow people to pour their hearts out to us and not judge them. But listen, we believe in healing, we believe in God's miracle working power, but if someone comes to me and says, Listen, I am standing in faith for my body. I've got a serious issue going on. Will you stand in faith with me?
Charlie LeBlanc:You know what? We're going to say, Amen, we will. We will stand in faith with you. We will rebuke the devil. We will fight for you. We will pray with you. We're not going to go, How did that happen to you? What did you What's wrong with you? We're not going to seek out. I believe, are safe friends.
Charlie LeBlanc:When people share their deepest hurts, their deepest pains with us, we're not going to criticize them. And when they share their deepest grief with us, and that's the beauty of this. You know, we had one friend who lost her husband and I don't know, several months later she called crying and she said, I'm so embarrassed. I know God loves me and I know he's taking care of me, but I just miss my husband so bad. I know I'm embarrassed that I'm crying. And we said, What? Would you stop that? It's okay to cry. And that's something we haven't covered a lot on this, we've covered it on other broadcasts, that she was weeping, and it's absolutely normal to cry. Our tears are precious to the Lord, and they're precious to a safe friend.
Charlie LeBlanc:The tears of a mourner is holy, and if you're a good, safe friend, you should just hold them and weep with them and be Jesus with skin on for them in that moment. Amen.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes, sir.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know something else that, again, grief is a complicated issue, but we have a part in the book that says speak their name.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:And how important and helpful that is.
Jill LeBlanc:It really is. After our son passed away and and life just began to fly by, oh my gosh, like on a runaway train.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:We would hear from different ones over the months, maybe a friend that he went to school with or a friend from church or some someone, and they would just say how much they miss Beau. And just the fact that they said his name
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Jill LeBlanc:It would it just touched us so deeply.
Charlie LeBlanc:So deeply.
Jill LeBlanc:When you're sharing condolence with someone, say the name of their loved one who just left them. It just means the world. No one wants their loved one forgotten, and especially a parent never wants their child to be forgotten. They didn't get to live out their whole life.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:And and and so to say their name, even if it was a young child who passed away, especially those, say just any of them, say their name.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:It it's just so special to hear.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. I go out of my way even when I'm doing a text and say, I've been thinking about you. I know this is the anniversary of your son's passing. I go out of my way to say your son, and I mention the name, passing because I know how much that blesses me. It just touches me deeply on Beau's fortieth birthday this year.
Charlie LeBlanc:We got texts from several people and they mentioned his name and said we were thinking about you guys today. On Father's Day I got texts from a few people that were thinking about me as losing my son, and mentioning his name, oh, it just blesses us so much, just to know that. People are afraid to say the name of the deceased because they're afraid it's it's interesting, because we're afraid we're gonna make them go back into sadness. You know, like, I don't wanna say anything about it to you, Jill, because
Jill LeBlanc:I don't wanna remind you.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. I don't wanna remind you.
Jill LeBlanc:Like I could forget.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right. And it's kind of like, you know, we share this quite often, we don't have a whole lot of time, but we remember that six months after Beau passed, our daughter had our first grandson. And he was awesome, we loved him. And so precious. And he was so precious. But people at church would come to us after we had the grandson, and they would come up to me and go, Hi, Charlie and Jill. We heard you had a grandson.
Charlie LeBlanc:Oh, wow. We're so happy for you. Don't you just love your grandson, your grandson, your grandson, your grandson. It was almost like hypnotization, like, Don't think about Beau! Don't think about Beau, only think about your grandson.
Charlie LeBlanc:They didn't realize, and they should have realized, that every single day of our life, every moment of every day almost, we were thinking about Beau, especially there at the beginning. That was just, don't try to avoid the elephant in the room, the truth of matter.
Jill LeBlanc:Because that's what it is now.
Charlie LeBlanc:Don't try to avoid it. Speak about it. Say something about it. It's good. It's healthy. It ministers grace to us when we hear his name.
Jill LeBlanc:It sure does.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. So, let me read one last thing, and we only have a couple minutes. Well, It's by an author, T. J. Ray. He says, Most people don't mean to be insensitive, they just operate under the false notion that bringing up our loss only causes us more grief. I'm able to understand such logic now, but in early grief, it's hurtful when people avoid mentioning something that quite literally occupies nearly every thought that we have. It's just a powerful thing. And we have that quote, and many others in our book, When Loss Comes Close to Home. We really want to encourage you to get this book today.
Charlie LeBlanc:And also, this little USB. We just did this recently, it's called The God of All Comfort. It has a beautiful song that we wrote called God of All Comfort on it. I do a teaching on it, we have a beautiful nature video, we have scriptures on comfort in here, we have a five day devotional that Jill did, PDF downloads, all kinds of really cool stuff. So, we encourage you to get this.
Charlie LeBlanc:You can get it even as a bundle together on our website, charlieandjill.com. We do appreciate you, we love you, and we encourage you to tell your friends about this podcast and encourage them to listen and go to our website, and we just hope to see you here next time Yes. As
Jill LeBlanc:Thanks for joining us today.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes, God bless. Bye bye now.